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Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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Shadowwarp said:
>meanwhile

Noburi: -and so it just feels like I'm the only sane one in the group you know? Hazo with his obvious insanity and all these dumb plans going through his head, Keiko and her....all that mess, and then here I am just on the side ignored until they all remember I exist. Then that's not even touching on the extreme dread at the thought of going to see my little sisters-

Yamanaka: That's sad and all but why are you here?

Noburi: .....Aren't you a therapist?

Yamanaka: For the last time, I was just helping Kagome for the research potential. Now please leave.

Noburi: but-

Yamanaka: Go away, go do teenage boy things. Ask a girl out, buy some food, train your jutsu, whatever just leave.
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Incidentally, this is exactly why we've been giving him props lately.

Noburi best bro.
 
eaglejarl said:
Keiko's head snapped up. "It was not! Her actions were entirely appropriate! It was entirely reasonable for her to consider me a traitor to Mist, and she was absolutely right that I have always been a failure and a disappointment to the Mori cl—"

"NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"

Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.

"Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.

"...I inspired the people of Leaf?"

Oops.

"Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"

Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"

"Thank you. Now, right now I'm planning to go to this meeting with Ami and try to find out what the hells she wants. Despite my feelings about her actions, I know how much you care about her and I don't want to indirectly hurt you by way of Ami. Also, I would prefer to live in a world where the two of you reconcile. I recognize that I cannot accomplish that goal at this meeting, or even in many meetings. What I could do, and will only do with your approval, is to broach the subject of you and try to find out both why she did what she did and how she actually feels about you. I recognize that this is a risky course and I will not undertake it without your permission. In fact, unless you say it's all right I will not say a single word about you and will refuse to discuss the topic if she brings it up. So: How do you feel about the idea of me bringing you up in conversation with Ami? Separately, do you want me to broach the topic of reconciliation?"

Keiko considered for a moment, then smiled slightly. "That's two questions. You only asked me to answer one."

Hazō glared his lack of amusement loudly.

"Fine." She thought a bit longer. "My feelings on the matter are complex and I do not fully understand them. Part of me hopes that she will express a desire for reconciliation. Part of me fears hearing that she has no interest. I dread the idea that she hates me or, perhaps worse, has utterly dismissed me from her thoughts. I worry that it might not be possible to reconcile. That perhaps our relationship is permanently shattered. I entertain wild notions about why she severed our bond—perhaps it was because I was a missing-nin and she fears being socially tainted by my presence despite wanting me there? Perhaps she was angry at me for betraying her and our family? Perhaps she simply got tired of putting up with my—"

"Keiko."

Keiko hesitated. "There are many reasons that I can think of for what happened, and all of them frighten me. With that said, I recognize that an alliance with Ami and whatever this faction of hers is would be a powerful advantage for the Gōketsu. However angry or hurt or afraid I am, I refuse to be a drag on this clan any more than I nat—"

"Keiko!"

"I refuse to be a drag on this clan," she said, aborting her prior words. "Discuss with her whatever you feel will be useful, provided that you maintain OPSEC and do not commit us, or me, to anything specific without consulting Jiraiya."

Hazō considered that. "Fine. Thank you." He paused. "I'm going to go make a sandwich. You want one?"

"No, thank you."
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It's like reading prime rib.

eaglejarl said:
It was a good day for Abe Shinichi, owner of Abe's Awesome Ice Cream and Hot Chocolate Emporium. Twenty quarts of ice cream plus his entire stock of hot chocolate (two gallons of it!!!), gone in one purchase without any haggling? It was worth taking the day off.
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Interesting...
 
eaglejarl said:
Keiko's head snapped up. "It was not! Her actions were entirely appropriate! It was entirely reasonable for her to consider me a traitor to Mist, and she was absolutely right that I have always been a failure and a disappointment to the Mori cl—"

"NO YOU HAVE FUCKING NOT!"

Noburi shrank back in surprise and Keiko stopped in mid-word, eyes going wide in shock at Hazō's language and volume. Hazō was so angry he couldn't get a word out, and almost distracted enough to miss Noburi waving off the two ANBU who had been half a second from bursting into the room.

"Keiko," Hazō said at last, forcing himself to sound calm. "You have been told literally hundreds of times, by the people best qualified to judge your skills and actions, that you are not a failure and that the Mori clan were out of their fucking minds to treat you the way they did. You have had your physical skills pointed out to you. You have been complimented on your mind separate from your bloodline, so don't even try it. You have been told—quiet, I'm talking here—that being accepted as a Summoner is an impressive feat that showed quick wits and enormous courage. You single-handedly saved the clan by the financial deal you made with the pangolins"—she again started to speak and he again hurried to interrupt—"and what they did with the seals is not your Sage-bedamned fault, so shut up! You utterly demolished your opponents in the exams and in the tournament, demonstrating that you're a powerful ninja. You terrified Hyūga into being less of a prick. You inspired the people of Leaf. Your intelligence and wits are a major reason why our team survived as missing-nin for two years. If you want to be angry at me for ignoring your feelings, that is absolutely your right. If you want to snipe at me while helping figure out this deal with Ami, I will nod right along because I earned it. If you want to tell me to sod off and you aren't interested in discussing it...fine, whatever. But if you want to keep wallowing in self-pity and twisting the facts to show why you are not an incredible, brilliant, talented woman then you can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

He stopped, forcing himself to get his anger-accelerated breathing under control as he waited for Keiko's response. He felt like he should probably be nervous about it but, honestly, he was just too pissed.

"...I inspired the people of Leaf?"

Oops.

"Seriously? All that, and that's what you took away?" he said, replicating Jiraiya's tone as well as he could as he quickly arranged his thoughts to lead away from anything related to plushies or fan clubs. "Yes. The people of Leaf talk about all of us. Mari-sensei took me out a couple times before she fell apart, made sure that I heard some of the songs and stories. There's even some accounts of our 'adventures'—mostly made up and all exaggerated—that have been set to sea shanties. Not all of the stories are good, but literally everything about you is. In the songs, Kagome-sensei gets mocked for being crazy, I get it for being careless, Noburi gets it for...whatever, never mind. The point is, in none of the things that I heard about you did I hear a single word of criticism. You get held up as this shining paragon of intellect and lethal beauty, without the ribald comments that get made about Mari-sensei. So yes, you fucking inspired the people of Leaf. Now, would you please answer the fucking question that I was trying to ask before you went off on your latest spiral of self-hate?!"

Keiko stared owlishly at him, blinking slowly as her brain struggled to shift paradigms. "Yes?"
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That was oddly satisfying
 
I really really like how this chapter turned out. I'm really glad Hazou got to intervene in Keiko's recent escalation of self-hatred, that scene was very satisfying, entertaining, and probably necessary.

Jiraiya's new thoughts on Ami's proposal are pretty interesting. Perhaps (if she is serious about it) she's counting on getting Hazou on her side and then having each of us convince our clan heads to verify the deal. Or perhaps she has been coordinating some amount of the plan with Biwako. Or maybe she's in trouble and is willing to risk Mori wrath to get out of Mist (assuming she can't placate them, that is).

Simply put, we definitely need to get more details out of Ami this time. We can't afford to make a decision like this on half-baked information and we don't have much longer before the exams end. Hopefully she'll take the hint of the good OPSEC bay walk and give us enough to work with.
 
I'm wondering if Jiraiya and Ami have already communicated at some point. His reactions could be entirely genuine despite that. All he'd have to do is say "Hazou wants to meet with you, I'd appreciate it if you show him how inexperienced he currently is" and we could plausibly end up in the situation we're in.

Hazous already inconvenienced Jiraiya during this trip with impromptu plans so letting us focus on something unimportant and not likely to blow up would make sense.
 
Cathartic anger and compliments, as well as functional Keiko. Mmmm, a joy to read.

And Shino... oh Shino, how do we fight you? Probably hitting from underground, while Keiko hides.
... It counts as leaving the arena if Keiko's reverse summoned, right?
 
PurposefulZephyr said:
Cathartic anger and compliments, as well as functional Keiko. Mmmm, a joy to read.

And Shino... oh Shino, how do we fight you? Probably hitting from underground, while Keiko hides.
... It counts as leaving the arena if Keiko's reverse summoned, right?
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We may need to talk to Jiraiya about the Shino thing actually... Given his own OPSEC snafu, we need to know what he informed the other kage of before we can devise a plan.

For instance: If summons turn earthly creatures that absorb their chakra to stone, it's not something Shino will want to do, so we could discuss that with him beforehand and work out what we're willing to use with him. For instance, if we got him to agree to no chakra drain in exchange for Keiko not summoning, we'd need to decide if that was sufficiently-advantageous.
 
I'm pretty sure there's still (Shino vs Ino) vs Chouji to deal with before Keiko vs ??? in the finals.
 
Cariyaga said:
We may need to talk to Jiraiya about the Shino thing actually... Given his own OPSEC snafu, we need to know what he informed the other kage of before we can devise a plan.

For instance: If summons turn earthly creatures that absorb their chakra to stone, it's not something Shino will want to do, so we could discuss that with him beforehand and work out what we're willing to use with him. For instance, if we got him to agree to no chakra drain in exchange for Keiko not summoning, we'd need to decide if that was sufficiently-advantageous.
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Question is, does it matter? Pangolin tongue counters bugs anyways! Shino knows this! Shino has experienced this! We just need Keiko to intimidate him into submission by making him remember the trauma.
 
MMKII said:
I mean we literally don't have to do anything vs. Shino, right?

Like, Keiko's summons literally eat him alive.
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Bugs eat pangolins as well (assuming no problem with nature chakra).
Though enough numbers and bodies can bumrush him and ignore his bugs for long enough.

Unless he has some clever way to avoid them (jutsu? seals?), thus buying himself precious time.
Though, again... we have the underground to protect us.
 
Pangolins are insectivores. They probably have oodles of methods and tools for handling swarms. Just ask them for recommendations.

Oh, and mention that bugs can't catch you if you're on fire.

The real question is, share with Ino?
 
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