- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Hazō: "Keiko... why are you grinning with delight at that tray of bloodstained torture implements?"
Keiko: "These are cutting-edge tools not listed in the public catalogue. I finally have a birthday present for Tenten!"
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
Keiko: "These are cutting-edge tools not listed in the public catalogue. I finally have a birthday present for Tenten!"
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
No less bad than he does for the ones he personally captured, I'd expect.
Yes, but he's more upset that the death cult genin didn't survive long enough to romance Hinata.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
One more reason that Neji is in our debt TBH
- Location
- UK
Some more comments, but no real munkining. But hey, that's fine, they seem to result in a productive kind of discussion regardless.
Being able to tank damage after-the-fact without preparation is almost certainly outside the realm of what the QMs would be happy medical jutsu doing, unless Oro-chan was the user.
You need to specify whether the rocks are chakra construct or not; presumably the same rules about "only if not available from the environment" applies.
In practice I think using this in combat is a good way to get dead. Summoning rocks is already possible with MEW, so it doesn't seem to have many new exploits.
Controlling sand is a Sand thing, and probably thematically inappropriate for Leaf to have, but this actually works really well as a jutsu for Sand. There are a neat bunch of ways you could take this:
This would mostly be useful for research. Doesn't seem very broken, at least.
Bonus:
Though in N++ the ninja are all pacifists, but it's also the best ninja game so w/e.
Being a derivative of a technique that uses prediction and preemptive healing, it would make sense to me for there to be some kind of prediction dice for it to apply. I'm not quite sure how armour works but I also don't think that's the perfect idea. What might model this better is:
- You get the damage.
- Make a roll to see if you predicted the wounded area in time.
- If so, within a short period of time (a round?), the damage you took is downgraded or removed.
Being able to tank damage after-the-fact without preparation is almost certainly outside the realm of what the QMs would be happy medical jutsu doing, unless Oro-chan was the user.
Seems a bit niche since we have MEW. I get the idea (no LOS), but practically this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to learn in terms of cost-benefit. It also seems less abusable than MEW.
More armor suggestions! This seems worse than HLaM in most circumstances, such as using it to protect against sudden danger. Not really a fan for that reason, though it could be a jutsu for some mook.
You need to specify whether the rocks are chakra construct or not; presumably the same rules about "only if not available from the environment" applies.
In practice I think using this in combat is a good way to get dead. Summoning rocks is already possible with MEW, so it doesn't seem to have many new exploits.
The "stomp on the ground, raising a cloud of dust" part is a neat idea. The "obscuring vision, which you then hold in place, making it hard to move or shoot through" part seems more like a wind justu.
Controlling sand is a Sand thing, and probably thematically inappropriate for Leaf to have, but this actually works really well as a jutsu for Sand. There are a neat bunch of ways you could take this:
- Dust impedes movement and projectiles, as you say.
- Dust is attracted to anyone who enters the area affected, and coats them.
- Dust thickens and blocks vision.
Can I just nope this one? Surely I can just nope this one?
Ehhh, this sounds like a QM nightmare. This also seems rather underwhelming, since triage seems to be the easy part of treatment.
This would mostly be useful for research. Doesn't seem very broken, at least.
I like this jutsu. It's powerful, but I don't see any way to abuse it. It's thematically appropriate, yet different to things we've seen.
lol, this was already nope'd.
Bonus:
Though in N++ the ninja are all pacifists, but it's also the best ninja game so w/e.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
Internally :I don't even need to check to know that you've linked to @MadScientist 's RomCom magnum opus.
*checks*
You have betrayed me.
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Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Have you ever tried Mark of the Ninja?
e:
Also, this was very specifically written to be a seal produced and used by HIdden Mountain, as they don't have anyone there that knows medical jutsu, so I figured they'd develop seals to make up for that lack.
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- Location
- UK
Yeah, that was a pretty fun game. Much more ninja-esque depiction of ninjas. N++ is pretty much my perfect game though, IMO.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I mean, if they don't have it, I'm definitely going to push for making it as part of Project: Do a Necromancy.
I still think it will be too complicated for a seal, with the exceptions being summoning contract, but it's known to be ultra complex anyway.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Does this look familiar to y'all?
E: and specifically, is it different from the version that produces the issues @MadScientist was talking about?
E2: ah, yes, okay, this one bufsf Presence by allowing defending against Rapport
E: and specifically, is it different from the version that produces the issues @MadScientist was talking about?
E2: ah, yes, okay, this one bufsf Presence by allowing defending against Rapport
| Attack | Defense | Application |
| Deceit | Deceit or Empathy | Inflict Consequences related to false information or pretending to let something slip. |
| Empathy | Deceit or Rapport | Assess; learn Aspects of the target. |
| Intimidation | Resolve | Inflict Consequences related to fear or submission. |
| Presence | Presence or Resolve | Convince someone to do something by force of personality. |
| Rapport | Empathy or Presence | Make a positive impression on an individual or group. |
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- Location
- Madness realms
God that looks like the tables for social combat in the witcher RPG
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Looking at this, you could have secure defenses against all attack types with:
- Resolve, Empathy, Rapport
- Resolve, Empathy, Deceit
- Resolve, Presence, Deceit
- Deceit and Intimidation grant mechanical bonuses, which makes them useful.
- Empathy grants info on how enemies will behave and how to reduce their advantages, but does not in and of itself grant any bonuses. I would rate this worse than Deceit and Intimidation as you would have to learn an aspect and have your knowledge make the difference between them getting to use it or not in order for it to match them in effectiveness.
- Presence and Rapport are meant to be used for narrative effects rather than mechanical ones, Presence to awe people enough to work with you and Rapport to get people to like you enough to work with you. These are arguably the most useful because the difference they make can easily be much greater than just an aspect bonus.
If we wanted Hazou to pursue this social build, we would have to give up on leveling Empathy, which may be suboptimal based on the external factors of his personality. If we want to include Empathy, we would have to choose between Deceit and Rapport. Rapport would be preferred in a vacuum because it has greater effects than Deceit, but in Hazou's case Deceit gives much more substantial bonuses in the form of Roki and Hazou already has levels in it, so arguably Hazou is best served by a Resolve, Empathy, Deceit build in this paradigm.
Chapter 211: A Family Squabbles
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Jiraiya was starting to recover from his stimulant hangover by the time lunch rolled around. Hazō still waited for the Sannin to have a bowl of dumplings and a couple mugs of water inside him before pulling out the envelope and handing it over.
"What's this?" Jiraiya asked, taking the envelope and opening it.
"A blank for every seal I've ever seen with the Iron Nerve," Hazō said. "I haven't researched and practiced them, so I can't guarantee that I drew them precisely correctly, but they should be good enough to help with research and analysis. I've written notes on the back of each one about where I saw them and any other context that I have. I don't know what a lot of them do, but I've written down the ones I know. I thought you should have them...maybe put them in the Leaf seal archives, if there is such a thing? Maybe just for clan use. Whatever you think best."
Jiraiya flipped through the sheaf of blanks, glancing at the seal design and then at the notes on the back. His eyebrows went up and stayed up as he went.
"Impressive," he said, tidying the stack and setting it aside. "I'm not sure when I'll have time to do any real research, but I can probably find a few hours here and there, and I'd sure love to have something fun to do. Maybe the three of us can work on them together?" He glanced at Hazō and Kagome-sensei inquiringly.
Hazō's face lit up. "Yes, sir! That would be great."
Kagome-sensei stiffened, then very pointedly relaxed. He jabbed his chopsticks at his rice, not looking up. "Sure. That would be okay, I guess," he mumbled. "I mean, if you want to work together, I suppose I could."
"Hey, you don't have—"
"No, no, it's fine," Kagome-sensei said quickly. "We can work together. I don't mind."
Jiraiya smiled. "Good to know. I'm not sure when I'll have a chance, but maybe in a couple of days?"
"Sure," Kagome-sensei mumbled, stabbing at his rice some more. "Whenever. It's fine. Wouldn't want to drag you away from your Hokageing."
Awkward silence hovered in the air for a moment.
"Soooo...speaking of how you're the Hokage," Noburi said. "Me and Keiko and Hazō were talking about the tournament, and we wanted to ask you about that."
"We have some requests for things it would be useful for us to learn before the tournament."
"Me personally, I'm all about that Mega Water Dragon Bullet Spike of Doom! Pzow! Schloop!"
Jiraiya raise an eyebrow. "'Mega Water Dragon Bullet Spike of Doom'? Is that a thing?"
Noburi grinned. "Nah, but it totally should be. And it lightened the mood, yeah?"
Jiraiya snorted. "Fair enough. Anyway, yes. I can arrange for you guys to get some good stuff, and I'll have Ebisu train you. He's far from the most powerful ninja Leaf has, but no one anywhere is a better teacher. Keiko, we should get you a defensive technique that will keep face-punchers off of you. Noburi...maybe a mobility jutsu? You've got good range on that Water Whip, but someone like Keiko could give you a hard time."
"Sir, those are great suggestions, but we actually wanted to ask about Shadow Clone," Hazō said carefully. "Everyone knows that it's Naruto's signature move, and we were there in the conference room when you told the other clan heads about the battle. You mentioned that Uchiha genjutsued one of the clones and then they all popped and the real Naruto went down. That suggests that they have some sort of hivemind ability, or perhaps memory transference. If that's so, it seems like it could really speed up training time."
"...You scare me sometimes, kid."
"Um...sorry?"
"Yes, the Shadow Clone works like that. It's different from elemental clone techniques; elemental clones are dumb and not as good as you at anything. Shadow clones are perfect copies of you, with all your skills and memories. They can think independently, come up with plans—"
"Do they receive our bloodlines?" Keiko demanded, sitting bolt-upright and cutting across Jiraiya's words without a thought.
The Hokage frowned. "I'm actually not sure. I'm not aware of anyone with a bloodline who is also a Shadow Clone user. Kakashi's Shadow Clones don't have his Sharingan, but that's a transplant and not original equipment. My guess would be that no, Shadow Clones do not copy the user's bloodline. They're chakra constructs, not actual physical beings, so they probably lack the internal structures necessary for a bloodline. That's purely a guess, though."
"So you mean that my Shadow Clone might not have the Frozen Skein?"
A moment of silence fell across the table and eyes widened in realization.
"Keiko..." Jiraiya said carefully. "I...I really don't know. If Sensei were still around, he probably would, but he's dead. I don't know anyone who would know the answer."
Keiko leaned forward, her voice low and intense. "I must learn this technique immediately."
Jiraiya paused, blowing out a long breath in thought. "I have no problem teaching it to you as soon as you can learn it, but I don't think any of you can."
"What? / Huh? / WHAT?!"
He raised both hands, gesturing for the genin to calm down. "Hang on, let me do the rundown. First of all, Shadow Clone is a top-secret jutsu of Leaf. Sure, people outside the village know that it exists, but I'm not sure any not-Leaf people know that the clones are fully intelligent, or that they transfer memories. Even inside the village, we keep that information pretty tight. You are not to talk about it with anyone aside from the people in this room and Shikaku. Even if they have a written document with my signature on it saying that it's okay to talk to them, you do not talk to anyone about Shadow Clone except for this family and Shikaku. Clear?"
A chorus of acknowledgement went around the table.
"Kagome," Jiraiya said, "this is important. You're a great sealmaster, but you're literally the worst liar I've ever seen. If the subject of Shadow Clone comes up with anyone except us and Shikaku, you do not say one word. Literally, not one. Do not open your mouth. Do not say that you can't talk about it, do not say that it's a secret, do not try to misdirect. You. Say. Nothing. Leave immediately and come find me, Shikaku, or Mari. Understood?"
Kagome-sensei nodded, looking hurt. "You don't have to spell it out so hard. I'm not stupid."
"No, but I need to know that I've driven the point home. Say it back to me."
"It's okay to talk about Shadow Clones with the family and with Shikaku. If anyone else is around, or if someone else wants to talk to me about it, I don't say a single word. I leave, and I come find Mari, you, or Shikaku."
"Not the order I specified, but good enough." He took a sip of his water (sake having been banned by Mari until he was completely over the stimulant poisoning), and looked around the table.
"Okay, where was I...? Oh, right, the memories. That's the important part. You'll recover a clone's memories when it pops, just as though they happened to you. The problem is that the human brain isn't designed to experience multiple timestreams at once—"
Kagome-sensei shifted uncomfortably.
"—and trying to do so can cause paranoia, delusions, and memory issues. It's worst if the clone was popped in combat—you'll remember being killed, and that can be pretty traumatic. Even in the best case, where they choose to pop themselves in a careful way, it can hit pretty hard. More memories coming at you makes it worse, so having multiple clones out at once and having them out for a long time can be dangerous. 'Clone sickness', we call it. It can put you in a coma or kill you.
"Most of Leaf's top jōnin use it, including me. Helps enormously with the paperwork, although even with two of me on it, the stuff is usually still bad enough that I want to drown myself in order to end the pain. It's also the reason that our jōnin tend to be so powerful; they can fit more training into a day than most people.
"That said, you'll notice that Leaf jōnin are incrementally more powerful than those of other nations, not overwhelmingly so. That's because of the downsides of the technique: First, it is insanely chakra-intensive. There's a huge startup cost just to get the jutsu running, and then you have to push more chakra for every clone you're making. I very much doubt that any of you have the chakra to use Shadow Clone."
"What about me?" Noburi asked. "I've got more chakra than two jōnin."
"In your barrel, sure," Jiraiya said. "But you don't have any in your internal chakra system, right?"
"Well...no. Not as such."
"Before I'll let you try it we'll need to have Yakushi check you over and figure out what the interactions would be between the jutsu and your bloodline."
"How big would we need to get our chakra reserves before we could use it?" Hazō asked.
Jiraiya shrugged helplessly. "How do you measure chakra? It takes a lot. At least as much as summoning a high-end summon. Keiko, I know that you can summon some heavy hitters, but my impression is that doing so leaves you almost dry. I'm not letting you use Shadow Clones until you can pull in two of your biggest pangolins and still keep fighting without needing to tank up from Noburi. The rest of you, you'd have to have high-jōnin-level reserves before I'd let you try. If you don't have enough chakra to make it work, the jutsu will suck you dry and you'll be dead before you hit the floor."
The genin digested that.
"Let's assume we all practice until we have enough chakra," Hazō said.
"Because we all know you're going to," Mari-sensei said with a snort. "I know that look, Hazō. You're on this like butter on bread, chasing the shiny thing."
Hazō looked at her, befuddled. "It's not a 'shiny thing'. It's a technique that helps you learn faster. What could possibly be better to learn early?"
"Indeed," Keiko said, nodding in solidarity with her adopted brother.
"Anyway," Hazō continued, "I was thinking that once we have the technique, we'll want to farm it. Noburi, if we set up a chakra-beast zoo here at the compound so that you had plenty of things to drain, could you keep us tanked up while we train? With a big enough set of drain targets, we could all have an arbitrary number of clones out and could learn arbitrarily quickly. We'd need to do some experimenting to find out what the safe numbers are, but—"
"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there," Jiraiya said. "First, do not go casually handwaving 'find out what the safe numbers are'. I am not letting any of you fry yourselves in the quest for power. We will work to figure out what a safe number and duration of clones is for each of you, but it will be a very slow and methodical process. Second, I am not doing the paperwork necessary to keep chakra-enhanced livestock inside the city. That is strongly discouraged for very good reasons that should be obvious, and even though I'm the Hokage I'm not above that law. We could set one up outside the walls, though."
"Or we could go train in the Swamp of Death," Hazō replied. "That place was full of chakra beasts."
Awkward silence fell. Noburi, Keiko, and Mari-sensei all looked pensive at the name of the place where their journey had started, and so many friendships had ended.
"How was the place left, anyway?" Mari-sensei asked. "I mean...the bodies. And the caves."
Jiraiya hesitated, clearly looking for the right words. "The caves were destroyed in the fighting. The bodies were...recovered to Mist."
Mari-sensei met his eyes and her tone was sharp. "You mean their heads were cut off and their bodies were hacked into conveniently-sized pieces, don't you?"
"...Yes."
Her face worked and she swallowed hard. "Dan was a good man. That shouldn't have happened to him."
Jiraiya reached out and covered her hand with his own. "Dan?"
"Shikigami. His real name was Gorō Dan." She snorted, blinking hard and wiping at her eyes. "He was a complete prick sometimes, but he cared a lot under that gruff exterior. Part of the whole 'Village Hidden in the Swamp' thing was that he wanted power, but he mostly wanted that power so that he could build something better than Mist." She glanced over at Hazō, her smile a bit watery. "You'd have liked him, I think, if you'd met as equals. He didn't care about civilians as much as you do and his sphere of concern was smaller than yours—mostly because he was a very practical guy. Still, he wanted to make life better for others. He was fiercely loyal to those he cared about, and an absolute terror if you hurt his friends or family."
Jiraiya nodded but said nothing. There was nothing to say.
"How about me?" Kagome-sensei demanded, the words awkward and rushed.
"What about you?" Jiraiya asked.
"The kids are getting cool stuff. I want cool stuff."
"Uh...okay," Jiraiya said. "Makes sense. We really should get all of you as powerful as possible, just in case things go sideways. What did you have in mind?"
Kagome-sensei blinked. It was plain as could be that he hadn't considered the question at all. "Um...jutsu, I guess? Or...maybe some of those seals that Arikada had."
Jiraiya's eyebrows ascended like climbers on a mountain. "You want Arikada's stuff? You know she was so batshit crazy that she was doing bioseal research, right?"
"Hey, I can—" Kagome-sensei broke off, head cocked to the side as an idea obviously struck him. "Forget the bioseals. I want Ebisu."
"Um...what?"
"Kagome," Mari-sensei began carefully, "when you say you 'want' Ebisu, what exactly do you mean by that?"
"He's a teacher, right? Everyone respects him as a teacher?"
"Yeah...? He's the best. People fight to get time with him."
Kagome-sensei nodded decisively. "I want him to watch me teach Honoka, and to see the progress she's made. If he thinks my methods are good, I want him to tell those stinkers at the Academy that they're doing it wrong and they should do what I tell them. Leaf's education system sucks goat snot. Need to fix that."
Jiraiya gave Mari-sensei an inquiring look. She nodded in return.
"The progress she's made has been incredible," said the redhead. "She's a firstie, and he's already got her doing addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, and they've started on fractions. Plus, he taught her to open a storage scroll."
"You what?!"
Kagome-sensei waved dismissively and served himself some more rice and vegetables. "Relax, it went fine."
"Kagome, you can't teach firsties chakra manipulation!"
"Why not?"
"Because...because they're too young! What if it damaged their chakra systems?"
"Pfft. Never happen."
"How could you possibly know that? It's a risk! Everyone knows that! Kids that young can barely feel their chakra, let alone manipulate it."
"Honoka can."
"Okay, fine, so you happened to get some freakish prodigy, but—"
Kagome-sensei rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. She's not a prodigy. Your stinking teachers are idiots, that's all. Making them meditate for years before you actually let them do anything. Hah! Do you teach them to play music by making them learn how to write the notes and the bars? No! No, you do not. Not unless you're a stinking idiot."
Jiraiya seemed lost. "But...I mean, how else would you teach a child music?"
Kagome dropped his chopsticks in shock and stared across the table at the Sannin.
"Were you dropped on your head a lot as a kid?" he asked.
"Kagome!" Mari-sensei gasped. "That's not polite."
"What? I didn't mean him."
Mari-sensei relaxed. "Oh, good, because—"
"I meant everyone in Leaf." He paused. "Well, all the teachers, anyway. I suppose some of the people here must have functioning brains. Funny how the dumb ones ended up in charge, though."
"Kagome!"
The former missing-nin shrugged. "What? They did. Well, mostly. Nara's pretty smart. And Jiraiya's not usually this stupid. Then again, you did let all your stupid people teach the kids, so maybe I should think about it some more." He took another bite of the rice and vegetables. "Anyway, Honoka's already sealed and unsealed stuff with my scroll a dozen times."
Jiraiya rubbed his head as though trying to push away a physical object. "Okay," he said. "Honoka is going into the hospital for a complete checkup. I'll get a Hyūga in to look over her chakra system and make sure she hasn't damaged it. In the meantime, stop having her do chakra manipulations." He reached for the pitcher and refilled his glass.
"No."
Jiraiya's head came up and he looked across the table, all playfulness gone from his expression. "What did you say?"
Kagome looked back, not flinching at all. "I said no. She's my student and she's doing fine. I'm not going to let you cripple her future just because you're too scared and superstitious to see what's right in front of you."
Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "Are you disobeying a lawful order from your Clan Head and Hokage?"
"I am if you're going to be stupid. Kids do not need to spend two years meditating and looking at candles in order to know that they have chakra. They don't have the reserves to learn jutsu, or even treewalking, and I sure as anything wouldn't teach them how to make seals, but using them is fine. Honoka can open and close a storage seal with no difficulty. She was a little dizzy the first few times, but we took it slow and I had sweets ready to replenish her energy. Her reserves have already grown to the point where she can open and close the seal half a dozen times in a row before she gets tired. If she keeps going at this rate and those stinking idiots at the Academy keep wasting time then by graduation she'll have the biggest reserves in her class by a mile, and better chakra control too."
Jiraiya placed both hands on the table, very carefully, and leaned forward on his elbows. Hazō could have sworn that the air temperature dropped three degrees as he watched.
"Kagome. You will not damage the next generation of Leaf ninja with your crackpot theories and lack of concern. You are done as that girl's teacher. You stay away from her from now on. If I see you within two blocks of her, I will throw you in a cell. Understand?"
"You're an idiot."
Jiraiya stood up, expression positively thunderous. He opened his mouth...and stopped as Mari-sensei rested a hand on his arm.
"Jiraiya," she said calmly, "take a breath. Kagome comes from a different tradition with different beliefs and knowledge, but have you ever known him to be reckless?"
That made Jiraiya pause.
"He let Hazō work on the skywalker seal before he was ready."
Kagome was on his feet in a flash, face red with rage. "There's a difference between making seals and activating them, you stinking idiot! You think I would let a six-year-old do anything vaguely related to making seals? You think I would even let her look at the cover of my theory books? What kind of stinking idiot are you?!"
"Kagome, so help me—"
Before Hazō could blink, Mari-sensei was out of her seat and kneeling on the table, one hand on each man's chest. "Stop it, both of you!"
Both men blinked, vision refocusing on the woman instead of on each other.
"Kagome, sit down," Mari-sensei said firmly. The older man resisted for a moment, but her level stare eventually broke him. He sank down into his chair, grumbling under his breath.
Mari-sensei's head swiveled to lock on her husband's. "Jiraiya, you sit down too."
The Sannin eyed her for a moment, then sat back down, a vaguely bemused expression on his face.
"That's better. Now, do you two think that you can talk about this like civilized people, or are you going to keep thumping your chests and yelling like a thickhorn at mating season?"
"What's a thickhorn?" Jiraiya asked.
She bapped him on the head. "Stop trying to distract us. You know perfectly well what a thickhorn is."
"I don't," Kagome said. "What is it?"
She glowered at him. "Don't you start." She turned back to Jiraiya. "Honoka has made incredible progress under Kagome. It makes perfect sense to get her checked out, but he's demonstrated that he's an excellent teacher. Hazō is fourteen years old and you said yourself that he's a good sealsmith. Not just for his age, a good sealsmith."
"He did?" Hazō asked, surprised.
Mari-sensei shot him a Look. "Yes, he did. Now hush while I keep our 'adult' clan members from acting like idiots." She turned back to Jiraiya. "Hazō is a good sealsmith at fourteen because he studied under Kagome—"
"Cheating bloodline cheater, oughta..." Kagome's grumbles didn't stop, but they trailed off into nigh-inaudibility.
"—a good sealsmith, at the age of fourteen, because he studied with Kagome. Honoka went from failing out of the Academy to ahead of what she's learning in her class. As to the chakra manipulations, I've seen her open and close the scroll myself, and there's no sign of any problems. Honestly, I agree with Kagome; Leaf's chakra education is overly conservative. In Mist we started kids on chakra manipulation much earlier than Leaf does—"
Jiraiya snorted. "Yeah, well, maybe you're willing to have a quarter of your candidates end up as burned-out husks, but here in Leaf—"
"Quiet. I am talking."
Jiraiya looked startled, but then he chuckled and sat back with a 'go on' gesture.
"Leaf is an amazing place. You have a level of creature comforts that I have seen nowhere else. Your people are, for the most part, happy and healthy. Your politics usually doesn't involve assassination. Still, are you honestly willing to say that Leaf is perfect on every front, that there is no possible way it could be improved?"
Jiraiya looked conflicted. "Well...I suppose not."
"Thank you. Are you willing to say that your educational system is absolutely perfect? That there is nothing that could possibly be improved?"
The pause was longer this time. "Look, I see where you're going, but—"
"Answer the question. Do you believe that the Leaf educational system is perfect and beyond improvement?"
The Sannin crossed his arms over his chest, face souring. "No. I suppose not."
"Okay, good. Now. When she studied under the Academy teachers, Honoka was at risk of failing out. When she studied under Kagome, she not only caught up but raced ahead of her class. What does that tell you?"
"Look, just because she's a—"
"I swear by my little blue nightie, if the next word out of your mouth is 'prodigy', I will put spiders in your socks."
Jiraiya's mouth clopped shut.
"The word 'prodigy' is useless. It doesn't tell you anything, and it gives you an excuse to be lazy. When you see a kid who is way ahead of the curve, you should be figuring out why they're ahead and how to replicate that success with the other students. Right?"
"Well...."
"Right?"
"Okay, yes. Fine. So he took this kid and got her back on track with her math. That doesn't have anything to do with whether or not six-year-olds can use chakra without injuring themselves."
"No, but it does suggest that Leaf's educators don't know everything. That their methods leave room for improvement. You have good, honest teachers here; they want to do the best they can, and they believe that they are. They're using what they honestly think is the best possible method to teach math, but Kagome's success with Honoka's shows that they're wrong. Their way isn't the best. Isn't it possible that they're also wrong about chakra manipulation training?"
Jiraiya's expression got even more sour. Mari-sensei waited, letting him stew for as long as it took. The rest of the family looked on, hardly breathing.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine. I'll have her checked out by the medics and a Hyūga. If she's okay, then Kagome can keep working with her, but I'll want her to get daily checkups for the first two weeks. If there's no sign of damage in that time we can slow it down to one checkup per week, but at the first sign of anything wrong, I am pulling her. I am not letting some little girl get fried just because she's working with a...just because she pushed herself harder than she should have trying to please the teacher who has clearly done well by her."
Mari-sensei looked over her shoulder at Kagome, who was sitting with arms crossed and an expression just as sour as Jiraiya's.
"Kagome? Are you willing to work with Jiraiya on this?"
The pause stretched long and loud.
"...Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine. I suppose he's just worried about her in his own stupid way, and I shouldn't be upset just because he thinks I'm an idiot who can't teach and that I would—"
"Kagome."
Long pause.
"...Fine."
"Now that that's settled, I've still got one question," Jiraiya said.
Mari-sensei climbed off the table and resumed her seat, scooting it forward so that she could reach the table conveniently. "Yes?"
"What's a thickhorn?"
She shrugged. "Dunno."
"What? What do you mean you don't know?"
"I made it up to distract you two from being idiots."
Kagome and Jiraiya shared an embarrassed and slightly horrified look and immediately dug back into their food.
"Good rice," Kagome-sensei mumbled.
"The best," Jiraiya said, eyes locked on his bowl.
o-o-o-o
Hazō was very anxious to not have another squabble like the one at lunch, or to get castigated the way he had when he asked about the Merchant Council. Before he said anything, he took care to look around the dinner table and carefully gauge everyone's mood.
Jiraiya was not back to complete health after his stimulant overdose, but he seemed functional and not in any pain. More importantly, he seemed to have gotten over the argument with Kagome-sensei at lunch. Mari-sensei was her normal smiling self. Noburi was in a good mood, Keiko and Kagome-sensei...were Keiko and Kagome-sensei. Probably not going to get a better chance.
"Would this be an okay time for me to bring up a difficult conversation?" he asked carefully. "There's something bothering me, and I'd like to get everyone's impression and advice."
"Girl troubles, eh?" Jiraiya asked, grinning. "Oh, man, it's about time you...asked me about my past history with women all over the Elemental Nations as I gathered research materials for Icha Icha." Jiraiya was smooth, but even he couldn't manage to start talking, observe Noburi's frantic 'no, stop' gesture, and redirect a sentence from (undoubtedly raunchy) father-son advice to personal bragging without a little bit of a hitch in the middle.
"Would it be okay?" Hazō asked, manfully ignoring Jiraiya's antics.
"Hazō..." Keiko said warningly.
"It's important, Keiko. Let us help."
She held his gaze for a moment, then nodded in defeat and made a 'go ahead' gesture before turning back to her soup.
"Okay, this sounds like something that is not at all going to ruin a lovely evening," Jiraiya said. "Whatcha got, kid?"
"It's the pangolins, sir," Hazō began. "They're using the Skytowers to conquer the Seventh Path. They've already destroyed the Condor Clan—it sounds like they killed most of them, enslaved the rest, and they're completely destroying Condor culture. Now they're moving on to the Hyenas. Who knows where it will stop?"
Jiraiya considered that for a moment, exchanged raised eyebrows and a tilted head with Mari, and then said, "Okay. What are you proposing?"
"Sir, I do not agree with the pangolins' behavior. What they are doing is wrong. Slavery and genocide are wrong. Leaving aside the moral question, it's not in our interests. If the pangolins keep spreading then other Clans will ally against them in self defense. There's a good chance that those other Clans will send their Summoners to kill Keiko, so as to cut the pangolins off from the resources of the Human Path. Furthermore, it will shatter OPSEC on the skytowers, if it hasn't already. The allied Clans will need to tell their Summoners what's going on and why they're losing. The Summoners will tell their people on the Human Path and word will spread. The other Summoners must know that the summons can't create seals, so they'll figure out that Keiko is the one supplying the Skytowers—it will be presumed that they're your invention and being manufactured in Leaf, and that we could use them just as easily as the pangolins are. They'll see that they need to attack Leaf immediately, before we have a chance to build up too much of a stockpile."
"Hmm."
"It would be another World War," Hazō said, fear rising inside him at Jiraiya's noncommittal response. "Leaf's allies would demand that we share the secret with them in exchange for their support. We'd either have to not give them up, in which case our allies become our enemies, or give them up and lose our advantage and render the political situation even more unstable."
Jiraiya rubbed his face, good mood vanishing. "Kid...." He broke off, thinking. "Okay, I get it, those are viable outcomes. I'm not sure I agree that they are likely outcomes, but I can't afford to ignore them. Here's the thing: We can't do everything, and we definitely can't do everything at once. Want a list of what we, by which I mean our clan specifically, are dealing with right now? Here you go:
"Number one: My missing godson, who will be adopted into this clan the minute he returns and will therefore be your brother. Right now he's being held captive by a bunch of psycho S-rankers, including a guy who can put you through three days of torture every second just by looking at you. I don't know—yet!—why Akatsuki wants Naruto. Maybe they can brainwash him into being their soldier? Naruto is an insanely powerful ninja; I could probably beat him, especially if I got to prep the terrain, but I wouldn't want to try. More importantly, he was being groomed to be either Hokage or Jōnin Commander when he got older. He had top secret clearance; he knows a lot about Leaf politics, defenses, seals and jutsu, and the personalities and psychological weaknesses of key personnel. I literally cannot think of a greater threat that Leaf could possibly face that having Naruto turn on us. Akatsuki alone we maybe could deal with, albeit with heavy losses. Naruto fighting alongside them? Leaf is utterly fucked.
"Number two: If I lose the hat, the people at this table are utterly fucked. The only viable candidates after me are Shikaku and Hyūga...well, maybe Sunny, if she cashed in all her markers and took her seat as sole survivor of, and therefore head of, the Senju clan. Unfortunately, Shikaku wouldn't take the job if you put a knife to his throat, Sunny probably wouldn't take the seat and probably couldn't win the hat, so Hyūga's in. His clan has all but declared a vendetta against me, and by extension against all of you. With the power of the Hokage linked to his clan's economic and political strength, we'll be destitute in minutes and dead within a year. He'll put all of you on mission after mission, back to back with not enough recuperation time, until you're killed. Me, Hazō, and Kagome will be drafted into the sealing corps and assigned riskier and riskier projects until something kills us."
"They won't get me!" Kagome-sensei said, leaping to his feet with wide and panicked eyes. "I'm not going into any sealing factory! I'll blow this whole town to—"
"I am not going to let them do that to you," Jiraiya said. "I will kill anyone who tries to force that on you, or on Hazō. Hyūga knows that and he wouldn't do it by force. He would bring enough political pressure that our only options would be to do it or go missing."
"Missing isn't actually that bad," Noburi said carefully. "I'm not saying I'd be super excited about the idea, but it beats what you're describing."
"That's fine for you lot," Jiraiya said grimly. "You know what happens when someone of my power level goes missing? Someone who knows all the things I know? Wave after wave of hunters. Sure, as a group we can carve any regular attacker like soft cheese, but can we deal with Byakugan-equipped ninja on skywalkers dropping rocks on us while we sleep? If we ever come out of the woods, can we always be sure that our food isn't poisoned? For that matter, Akatsuki does mercenary work. If I went missing, it would be trivial for Hyūga to mobilize the full resources of Leaf to pay their rates. On my own I could probably survive and escape from an assault of that magnitude, but I couldn't protect the rest of you at the same time.
"Moving on from that, let's look at major disaster number three: A World War is almost inevitable at this point. Mist has control of Hot Springs, meaning that they have a stranglehold on trade for Cloud and Frost. Those two can either do all their trade by ship—risky, since the winds and currents along their shores are unpredictable and full of nasties—or they can pay whatever tariffs Mist chooses to set. Back when Mist had Yagura, Zabuza, and Mei to back them up, it was too risky for anyone to go for a military solution against them. Unfortunately, Naruto broke Zabuza's neck, I punched a hole through Mei's chest, and Yagura got taken who knows where.
"Now, Mist isn't stupid, and That Woman is a hell of a diplomat. Hard to say exactly what she's doing, but in her shoes I'd be cementing alliances with the minor nations on the eastern continent, starting off as a first-among-equals alliance and eventually absorbing them. That will give Mist all the farmland and resources they need to become self-sufficient, which means all their money goes into spies and economic warfare. I'd also be working closely with Cloud, probably securing an alliance by providing favorable terms on travel through Hot Springs and trade with the eastern bloc. Combine the ninja power of Lightning with the resources from the other continent and you've got a juggernaut. They'd be able to pull Rock in without too much trouble; both Lightning and Earth are desolate places that need to trade for most of their food. With control of the eastern continent, Mist would have no problem feeding both of them. Much of Leaf's power derives from a combination of two things: our central location on the continent, which allows us to control trade, and the fact that we're the breadbasket of the entire western continent. Being central to the continent is great for trade but it makes us vulnerable to attacks from all sides. If Mist can replace us as food supplier we'd be in a real bind.
"And, just to make matters worse, the Mizukage has much tighter control over Water than I have over Fire, and Ren is ruthless enough to start a ninja breeding program."
Mari-sensei blinked. "A what now?"
"You heard me. A ninja breeding program. It's been tried before—all female ninja and any civilian woman whose family has produced a ninja in the last two generations get put in a harem and all the male ninja take turns. Fast forward seven years, you've got a new crop of genin candidates showing up to school. Keep the harems running constantly, women pumping out babies until they die in childbirth, and you could grow the largest military force in the Elemental Nations in twenty years. It might be possible to use medical ninjutsu to make twins more likely, or to induce puberty early so that you can put ten-year-olds in the harem. The thing speeds up as it goes."
Mari-sensei's face somehow managed to be pale and puke-green at the same time. "You have got to be kidding."
"I wish," Jiraiya said grimly. "The reason it's not a standard thing is because kunoichi don't want to be reduced to broodmares, and their families don't want to see it happen either, so trying it can cause a revolt. Not only that, but none of the nations want to see the balance of power change that much and trying it would cause a war.
"That might be fixable, though. If Ren can make that alliance with Cloud and Rock, and if she promises them each a tithe of the babies then there's a very real chance they'd go for it."
"That is completely insane," Noburi whispered. "No way could that possibly work."
Jiraiya shrugged. "It would be a huge gamble, but Mist is in enough danger right now that they might try it. After all, if the loan man is coming to take the house tomorrow, it's perfectly sensible to take your last hundred ryō to the casino and hope to get lucky. They need to get a few S-rankers to balance the scales, and there aren't many of those around. Shoot, it wouldn't surprise me if she reached out to Akatsuki and tried to convince them to immigrate. Almost certainly wouldn't work, but it's unlikely to hurt either."
"It could work," Mari-sensei said, her eyes far off and her face pale. "The breeding program, I mean. The Mizukage has always had a tight grip on Mist, and the mechanisms of that control are still in place. She could tell everyone that it was their patriotic duty and have the ANBU suppress any dissent. Oh, Sage protect us." She got up and ran out of the room, gagging. A moment later there was the sound of violent puking from the bathroom.
Jiraiya pushed himself upright. "Excuse me, I need to go hold her hair. Keiko, would you please get some water? Hazō, quick answer: I'll tell the Toads to put pressure on the Pangolins to shift into a consolidation phase, so at least we can slow down the war. Beyond that, we simply don't have the resources to address this issue. And, before you ask, we can't afford to cut down on Skytower sales. All that would do is put us on the outs with the Pangolin and possibly the Toad Clans, cut Keiko's combat power immensely, and strip us of the funds that we desperately need right now. I'm sorry." He turned and headed towards where the sounds of Mari-sensei's vomiting could still clearly be heard.
NOTE: The QMs are taking suggestions for what training and/or jutsu/seals the kids are going to get from Jiraiya and Ebisu. Jiraiya is going to bust out the good stuff for you, but not the absolute top-tier; he wants you to win, but he's not going to give you anything that he would need to worry about OPSEC on. That still leaves a lot available.
Other Note: You asked Mari-sensei about the clan's financial situation. The answer is that, as long as the pangolin gold keeps flowing in, you're set. The bills are being paid, the estate is being fixed up, a generous clan war chest is being accumulated, and a lot of the money is being funnelled into the search for Naruto, supplemental to the Leaf budget. More relevantly, however, all of you have a 30,000 ryō / month allowance. That's about $3,000 USD (~2300 GBP or ~2500 euro), and it's pure disposable income. You have no rent, there's always food in the house, and no one in Leaf has to pay for internet service. (Because there isn't any, obviously.) That $3k can be spent on hot chocolate, meals out, clothes, starting businesses, whatever. Just don't get yourselves in trouble with the Merchant Council. If you need more than your allowance, you can probably get it but you'll need to check with Jiraiya and/or Mari.
XP AWARD: 5
FP AWARD: 0
It is now 9pm on November 22nd.
Vote time! What to do now?
Voting ends on Wednesday, September 9, 2018, at 12pm London time.
Last edited:
It's important that someone have a high Empathy, though it doesn't necessarily have to be Hazou. Learning aspects doesn't have as big an impact mechanically, but understanding what other people really believe and care about is a critical tool on the narrative level. It's the difference between winning an immediate social clash and being able to create a situation where they'll choose to go along with plans because it fits with their pre-existing beliefs.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
The rest:
Wow okay wow okay wow... umm..
[Χ] Righteous Armageddon Initiative
[Χ] Forging the Sword
Maybe we should hang out with Kagome some, he seems kinda stressed out.
edit:
Alas, the Akane situation is still hanging overhead as surely as the sword of Damocles.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Yeah, sorry about that. It would have been nice to fit that one in, maybe end on a bit of comedic relief, but there just wasn't enough hours in the day. I still need to make dinner and then crank out a Patreon update.
Not if it's backed by ANBU, I'd bet.
Emstar
The Shining One
- Location
- Trapped in an extradimensional rift.
- Pronouns
- She/They
*shrugs*
Looks like we have to avert WW4 again.
Perhaps we can get Zabuza made Mizukage?
- Location
- Yes.
Fuck that shit.
[Χ] Straight up Armageddon Initiative this entire shithole let's start over and go to canon!Naruto where everything is sunshine and roses and LALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOUR COUNTERARGUMENTS LALALALALALALALALA