Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
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- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
He should ask for a fuckton of water techniques, IMO
I know, right? I actually picked it partially for that reason. I sort of imagine Hazou would look like that on the inside while he's giving one of his speeches. Like, at that moment his platonic form would be someone about his age with glowing eyes, a heart on his striped sweater, posed righteously in front of an explosion of colorful light. It just fits, y'know?
The background image evokes unabashed determined idealism for me, and damn the fact that others might mock it as silly, and that sort of fits.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Unabashed determined idealism is pretty much the best.
- Location
- Snakesden
My expertly-selected tracks from The Only Two Genres Of Music, backpack rap and Homestuck:
Hazou - Sburban Jungle. Complex game-mechanism connecting group input, hopeful heroic 13-year-olds, and forces beyond all reckoning, building something complex and beautiful faster than should be possible.
Keiko - Crystalmethequins. Not least because it's associated with psychic ladies giving telekinetic beatdowns. It also has a nice progression from icy contemplation to foreboding to clanking steel.
Mari - Fuckery Level 3000 (rap starts at :50). Incredibly badass. Pauses her litany of murder and torture to say "Wanna know what I'm like? fine then / I like fine men, smart men / where the fuck do you find them? / No, seriously, I'm actually asking you where I can find them."
Hazou - Sburban Jungle. Complex game-mechanism connecting group input, hopeful heroic 13-year-olds, and forces beyond all reckoning, building something complex and beautiful faster than should be possible.
Keiko - Crystalmethequins. Not least because it's associated with psychic ladies giving telekinetic beatdowns. It also has a nice progression from icy contemplation to foreboding to clanking steel.
Mari - Fuckery Level 3000 (rap starts at :50). Incredibly badass. Pauses her litany of murder and torture to say "Wanna know what I'm like? fine then / I like fine men, smart men / where the fuck do you find them? / No, seriously, I'm actually asking you where I can find them."
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Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
You. I like you.
will408914
(slouching towards bethlehem)
- Location
- California
Speaking of Homestuck music (which I instantly like you for), perhaps the team's theme as a whole should be Battle Against an Unfathomable Enemy? It's hard to get less fathomable than Moloch itself, after all. The song itself is chaotic, but builds into an overarching order. Sometimes fast-paced, sometimes slow, but always tense, just on the verge of danger.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I can definitely dig it.
Rose's themes actually work well for Keiko, too; At the Price of Oblivion would be a good one for if she ever has to use The Best Laid Schemes, and Dance of Thorns for her general fight theme. Walk-Stab-Walk Beatdown is suiting for when she's kicking ass and taking names. Umbral Ultimatum for when she was verbally kicking ass back up in Rice.
FantasyP's a good one for Akane. It's also pretty much my favorite homestuck song; it's got that perfect mix of optimism and determination.
Atomic Bonsai makes an excellent team sparring theme -- it's less fight-for-your-life-y than others are, but still has the kind of intensity that is representative of Hazou.
Speaking of Hazou, Iron Knight's opening sequence works for his truly brutal fighting style against unprepared opponents. Courser also works for speech-giving. Infinity Mechanism is his sealing theme.
Time on My Side for Noburi, absolutely. Although he doesn't follow its time travel themes, his bloodline makes it very appropriate.
Bargaining with the Beast if we ever happen to talk peacefully with a tailed beast or Keiko's bloodline turns out to be sentient.
I've always had a soft spot for Pyrocumulus (Sicknasty) particularly this lyric'd version.
Get Up, Savior of the Waking World, or Savior of the Dreaming Dead (my personal favorite of the three) for our inevitable resurrection technique.
...ahem. Might have gotten a bit carried away.
e:
Also, here's a homestuck music stream for anyone interested.
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- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Obvious limitations to note:
While it would be very useful to have a library of reliable expressions like "ultimate poker face" and "rakish grin", a huge part of communication is also reading your partner/opponent (why doesn't English have a flexible word like "aite"?), figuring out what expressions will have what effect on them, and the perfect timing with which to deploy them. Messing up either could have worse consequences than just being Hazō's natural earnest self.
Also, learning how to make an expression yourself does little for your ability to read other people's. They're separate skills. Compare learning martial arts from a book and then trying to read a live opponent.
I should probably also mention that you personally know exactly one other Kurosawa, and you don't have a clear idea of what her specialisation is either. For all you know, the Kurosawa are a low-key summoner clan (like canon!Itachi and his crows) and Hana just never happened to bring it up.
That's... all very obviously true, now that I think about it. However, most of the drawbacks mentioned just make the Diplomacy based version of the skill less useful, and strongly define the fact that the skill would be very definitively "offensive." In my personal experience as a human being, good delivery of lies is much more important than thinking them up. It's possible that I'm unusually good at the latter, and less so at the former, but I don't believe that to be the case. I have also noticed that I pick up on the fact that other people are lying based upon errors in the way they deliver their lies, rather than the lies themselves. This tendency increases as the people become more intelligent. Ability to choose what your lie should be grows rapidly with intelligence, but ability to deliver that lie does not. These things suggest that an ability that only increases Hazou's ability to deliver lies would still be quite useful. In fact, going off of my own experience, he's probably not constrained much at all by the ability to choose which lies to use
If Hazou is using Deception, he's not being his typical earnest self, basically by definition. So that drawback doesn't come into play. As shown by Mari's speech to Arikada, Deception can be used to get out of fights temporarily, using precisely the type of thing Hazou would be practicing. And lying very convincingly would be a very useful specialization. It would also function very well for the type of disguising yourself we've been doing.
So, it would have to be a Deception specialty. It would apply a bonus to rolls where we're trying to lie, but not to detecting lying. It would apply to anything that leveraged body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions to convince people of something, whenever falsifying the face we were putting forward wasn't a concern. It would be a pretty general specialization, as it would apply to intimidating people, impersonating people or acting "in character", dishonest negotiations, and basically every single part of Deception that isn't "see whether or not someone else is lying."
So then, the main question would be whether specializing in "everything that isn't detecting lying" would be a better idea than "detecting lying." Now that I'm actually framing it that way, I'm actually completely unsure of that. I can see some really good reasons why getting six or so bonus dice to detecting lying would be much more of a game changer than being better at lying. For one, in most situations, we don't really want to lie. We spend a lot of time interacting with people where honesty is genuinely preferable to dishonesty. If we have to choose, do we choose being good at seeing when people are lying, or being able to lie?
Ideally, we'd create both specializations, spend 78 EXP on both, and get 6 extra Deception for 156 EXP, instead of 211. But that might be a little silly to expect to actually be allowed to do.
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- Location
- Required Location
*Screams in Mori* (?)
I forgot how much I liked Homestuck. It kind of petered out in the end but it was nonetheless an amazing ride that had tons of potential.
Also it gave birth to two of my absolute favorite fanfiction/books of all times. Good times. Good times
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Ridiculously Average Guy
I'm you, but stronger
- Location
-
Not quite determined(?) enough.
I actually kind of like Hopes and Dreams more for Akane.
And L's Theme A is a good general one for pulling out a plan at the last second.
I like these, though I'm surprised you didn't go with Upward Movement (Dave Owns),
I like all of these. This in particular I want to use when Hazou says FUCK THE RULES and/or I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DIE RIGHT NOW.
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Also, While thinking about what exactly we could do that would prompt that song, I figured out another possible technique/level of Iron Nerve. Have Hazou figure out chakra sensing, then mesh that with Iron Nerve so he can copy techniques.
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Bonus Update: Agency
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Bonus Update: Agency
Kei took step after step towards Mari-sensei, running through the plan in her mind one more time.
Mari-sensei smiled at her.
Not for you. Turn away. Stop hurting yourself.
She was still beautiful.
Mari-sensei was right, Kei knew she was right. Yes, her feelings were nothing special, they were something everyone felt for their master while they were immature children who had yet to learn better. Yes, Kei needed to stop being so clingy and tunnel-visioned, stop looking at the partner she wanted and start looking for the partner she deserved.
If there was any such thing.
"What's up, Keiko?"
Keep it together, Kei, keep it together. She was improving. She could fall asleep next to Mari-sensei now, even when they were alone, instead of listening to her breathing and thinking about how she was close enough to touch and how her hair spilled out over the pillow and managed to catch the light even in the pre-dawn darkness. She could believe that Mari-sensei's disapproval was something less than a denial of her entire being. She could hope that, even though she was nothing without her pathetic dependence on Mari-sensei, once her fall was over and she hit the ground, she might be free.
She was improving.
Kei opened her mouth and delivered her prepared lines before Mari-sensei read her mind and began being sympathetic.
"I have been considering our schedule for tomorrow, and have a proposal, namely that we arrange an additional training session with Maito Gai and his team."
Mari-sensei's expression changed to one of pure, staggered incredulity.
"Keiko! And here I thought Gai and Lee's behaviour was driving you up the wall. Weren't you the one who said the other day that if you never heard the word 'youth' again, you could die happy?"
"I may have made a statement to that effect," Kei squirmed. Of course Mari-sensei would flawlessly recall tiny details, especially the inconvenient ones. "However, in this instance I believe it would be best for me to sacrifice my personal preferences for the good of the team."
"Go on."
"It has occurred to me that Hazō and Rock Lee are uniquely well-matched in terms of taijutsu, certainly moreso than with any of the members of Team Sarutobi, and the same can be said of myself and Tenten's reported weapons specialisation. You and Maito Gai likewise appear to have had a very successful training session together. I concede that none of this can be said of Noburi and Hyūga, but on the other hand I believe that allowing the latter to score some harmless victories in training may render him less homicidal towards our team. Should you find this proposal reasonable, I am certain you can find a means of expressing it that will also satisfy Kagome."
"Well," Mari-sensei said slowly, "if you're really prepared to put yourself on the line like that for the greater good, I guess I'll have to give it some serious thought."
It was only fair, Kei insisted to herself. Hazō was enjoying making friends with Ino, and Noburi had found himself a dubious but ultimately supportive and valuable mentor. Was it so unreasonable for Kei to pursue her own interests instead of spending her limited energy reserves supporting Hazō's efforts to bond with Nara?
Besides, she had earned this. The others would never know what it cost a Mori, a half-trained Mori, to create an original plan based on individual motivation, to overcome the cognitive inertia, the fear, and the Mori Voice's arsenal of despair for those with the hubris to attempt to initiate change in the world. And yet she had done it, made a plan without being given specifications, instructions or even permission. She had proven her agency. Ami would be so proud.
Kei decided to think about something else.
-o-
Tenten silently guided her through the Training Grounds, away from the "youthful" exertions of Hazō and Rock Lee (yes, she did feel a little guilty, but by this point Hazō owed her) and Noburi and Hyūga's occasionally entertaining duel of wits. Tenten's clearing, isolated and all but concealed between tall, ancient trees, was lined with straw practice dummies, painted alternately in green and white.
"Preferences?" Tenten asked.
"Kunai, shuriken. But I am open to suggestions."
Tenten handed her a set of shuriken and gestured towards the dummies.
Kei focused, aware of how important it was not to make an embarrassment of herself after all that effort. The majority of her shuriken struck the dummies solidly in the heart, throat and eye areas. Static targets, of course, but she had thrown from long range, hopefully dispelling any of Tenten's concerns that she was dealing merely with a typical incompetent genin.
"Good aim," Tenten said.
Yes!
"Wrong target."
Kei's inner smile disappeared.
She looked at Tenten questioningly.
Tenten leaned down and patted her own thighs. Abdomen. Chest. Kei's eyes lingered for an instant, then urgently snapped away. Finally, Tenten tapped her arms, then her forehead.
"Dense muscle. Bone. Body armour." She glanced at Kei as if to ask if she understood.
Kei nodded.
Tenten tapped herself again. Ankles. Knees. Wrists. Elbows. Shoulders.
"Tendons. Ligaments. Unarmoured for mobility. Easy to sever. Disable an arm to end combat. Disable a leg to prevent escape."
Tenten allowed her leg to collapse beneath her, and fell onto one knee.
"Target still alive. Allies must protect.
"After victory, free to interrogate or negotiate."
She looked at Kei again. Kei nodded.
"Advanced level. Some tendons, ligaments, heal easier than others. Leave target as potential future ally? Cripple forever? User's choice."
Tenten's hand blurred. Ten shuriken embedded themselves in a green-coloured dummy's joints.
"Achievable with practice. For now, one target."
She pointed to the next dummy.
Kei would not disappoint her.
"Preferences?" Tenten asked.
"Kunai, shuriken. But I am open to suggestions."
Tenten handed her a set of shuriken and gestured towards the dummies.
Kei focused, aware of how important it was not to make an embarrassment of herself after all that effort. The majority of her shuriken struck the dummies solidly in the heart, throat and eye areas. Static targets, of course, but she had thrown from long range, hopefully dispelling any of Tenten's concerns that she was dealing merely with a typical incompetent genin.
"Good aim," Tenten said.
Yes!
"Wrong target."
Kei's inner smile disappeared.
She looked at Tenten questioningly.
Tenten leaned down and patted her own thighs. Abdomen. Chest. Kei's eyes lingered for an instant, then urgently snapped away. Finally, Tenten tapped her arms, then her forehead.
"Dense muscle. Bone. Body armour." She glanced at Kei as if to ask if she understood.
Kei nodded.
Tenten tapped herself again. Ankles. Knees. Wrists. Elbows. Shoulders.
"Tendons. Ligaments. Unarmoured for mobility. Easy to sever. Disable an arm to end combat. Disable a leg to prevent escape."
Tenten allowed her leg to collapse beneath her, and fell onto one knee.
"Target still alive. Allies must protect.
"After victory, free to interrogate or negotiate."
She looked at Kei again. Kei nodded.
"Advanced level. Some tendons, ligaments, heal easier than others. Leave target as potential future ally? Cripple forever? User's choice."
Tenten's hand blurred. Ten shuriken embedded themselves in a green-coloured dummy's joints.
"Achievable with practice. For now, one target."
She pointed to the next dummy.
Kei would not disappoint her.
-o-
Kei panted. Tenten had neither told her to stop, nor encouraged her to keep going. Periodically she would hold up a hand, then take stance and demonstrate the correct version of a throw Kei had failed at, three or four times, then step back without a word.
Finally, she felt her accuracy dipping unacceptably low from exhaustion and allowed her arm to fall loose.
Tenten handed her a water flask.
Kei had expected to come here for an ordinary sparring session, not a lesson. It was strange for Tenten to act solely as a teacher, when she would derive no benefit for herself in the process. Doubly so given their relative positions.
"Tenten…" she asked. Why could the girl not have an ordinary surname, instead of forcing Kei to imply an unearned degree of intimacy? "Why are you teaching something like this to a potential enemy?"
Tenten met her eyes for longer than usual. "Non-lethal combat," she said simply. "No needless death."
The look she gave Kei was a searching one.
Kei understood, of course. If she could but master this, she would not only be a more formidable warrior. She could also, if it came to it, fight Tenten's own allies in a way that did not take their lives.
But that intention was meaningless if it was not followed by the entire team—if Kei and Kagome fought the same opponent, for example, she could end up non-lethally disabling them only for Kagome to immediately splatter them across the landscape using his explosive seals. Conversely, were Team Inoue to exclude lethal options from their tactics altogether while their enemy did not, they would surely be annihilated.
Tenten's own team… included Rock Lee. Kei made a horrifying leap of logic.
"All of you?"
"Gai-sensei most. Neji least. Likely why he chose us."
Tenten's gaze intensified. She was waiting for something. Looking for something. Kei did not know what.
Finally, she felt her accuracy dipping unacceptably low from exhaustion and allowed her arm to fall loose.
Tenten handed her a water flask.
Kei had expected to come here for an ordinary sparring session, not a lesson. It was strange for Tenten to act solely as a teacher, when she would derive no benefit for herself in the process. Doubly so given their relative positions.
"Tenten…" she asked. Why could the girl not have an ordinary surname, instead of forcing Kei to imply an unearned degree of intimacy? "Why are you teaching something like this to a potential enemy?"
Tenten met her eyes for longer than usual. "Non-lethal combat," she said simply. "No needless death."
The look she gave Kei was a searching one.
Kei understood, of course. If she could but master this, she would not only be a more formidable warrior. She could also, if it came to it, fight Tenten's own allies in a way that did not take their lives.
But that intention was meaningless if it was not followed by the entire team—if Kei and Kagome fought the same opponent, for example, she could end up non-lethally disabling them only for Kagome to immediately splatter them across the landscape using his explosive seals. Conversely, were Team Inoue to exclude lethal options from their tactics altogether while their enemy did not, they would surely be annihilated.
Tenten's own team… included Rock Lee. Kei made a horrifying leap of logic.
"All of you?"
"Gai-sensei most. Neji least. Likely why he chose us."
Tenten's gaze intensified. She was waiting for something. Looking for something. Kei did not know what.
-o-
"Proud citizens of Hidden Mist!
"The continental nations believe us to be ignorant yokels descended from backwater bandits. They believe that a single word of deceit in our ears will be enough to sow confusion and ready us to be their willing slaves. That is why they send infiltrators among us preaching the heretical doctrine called 'pacifism'. 'Lower your weapons,' they whisper. 'It is shameful to meet a challenge with your full power, and righteous to cripple yourself.' 'Weaken yourselves, and we promise we will do the same.' They would have us bow down before them, surrendering the might that we have earned over generations of sacrifice, and trust that they will not plant a dagger in our prostrate backs. Thus, their agents preach of gentleness as the path to peace, even as they continue to torture and murder as they have done since the beginning of time.
"Peace belongs to the strong! Peace belongs to those who hold nothing back when it comes to protecting their families and their village. When a ninja of Hidden Mist allows himself to be tainted by the venomous lies of treacherous saboteurs, it is a tragedy. When he seeks to poison the unified will of Mist with those lies, it is treason! It is an attempt to kill us with words by those too weak to do so with blades! Report these so-called 'pacifists' and your loyalty will be rewarded. Lend them your ear and you will be culled, as Mist culls all who threaten the safety of its people."
"The continental nations believe us to be ignorant yokels descended from backwater bandits. They believe that a single word of deceit in our ears will be enough to sow confusion and ready us to be their willing slaves. That is why they send infiltrators among us preaching the heretical doctrine called 'pacifism'. 'Lower your weapons,' they whisper. 'It is shameful to meet a challenge with your full power, and righteous to cripple yourself.' 'Weaken yourselves, and we promise we will do the same.' They would have us bow down before them, surrendering the might that we have earned over generations of sacrifice, and trust that they will not plant a dagger in our prostrate backs. Thus, their agents preach of gentleness as the path to peace, even as they continue to torture and murder as they have done since the beginning of time.
"Peace belongs to the strong! Peace belongs to those who hold nothing back when it comes to protecting their families and their village. When a ninja of Hidden Mist allows himself to be tainted by the venomous lies of treacherous saboteurs, it is a tragedy. When he seeks to poison the unified will of Mist with those lies, it is treason! It is an attempt to kill us with words by those too weak to do so with blades! Report these so-called 'pacifists' and your loyalty will be rewarded. Lend them your ear and you will be culled, as Mist culls all who threaten the safety of its people."
-o-
"I do not understand," Kei confessed. "I see the tactical advantages of what you demonstrated to me, I do, but why would you value your enemy's life over your own? What could possibly be worth endangering yourself and everyone you are fighting to protect?"
She was seeing a vision now, of Tenten sparing an enemy, perhaps even a Mist-nin, out of some misguided philosophy, only to be killed the second she lowered her guard. That was how things were, that was the true shape of the world—and Kei did not want this girl, a potential friend amidst the faceless hordes of humanity, to die.
Tenten's shoulders tightened. Her eyes shifted away from Kei's, to the blades of grass on the ground.
She hesitated.
"Not today." Her voice rose slightly, blurring the line between statement and question.
"OK," Kei said, trying to give hers the soft acceptance she had heard many times from Mari-sensei.
They retrieved the shuriken in silence.
When they were done, Tenten beckoned Kei towards the edge of the clearing, to the base of a huge oak that likely predated Leaf itself. Tenten sat down and lounged back against the tree, looking up at the sunlight filtering through the canopy above.
Kei found a place next to her amidst the sprawling roots. The tree had clearly not distributed them with concern for her personal space in mind, but oddly Kei did not feel uncomfortable lying close to the other girl. It was not a matter of wanting physical contact—Tenten was neither Ami nor Mari-sensei. Quite the opposite, it was because she somehow felt certain that Tenten would never touch her without her permission.
Without pressure to communicate, without the need to defend her personal boundaries, Kei could be safe. For a little while.
She was seeing a vision now, of Tenten sparing an enemy, perhaps even a Mist-nin, out of some misguided philosophy, only to be killed the second she lowered her guard. That was how things were, that was the true shape of the world—and Kei did not want this girl, a potential friend amidst the faceless hordes of humanity, to die.
Tenten's shoulders tightened. Her eyes shifted away from Kei's, to the blades of grass on the ground.
She hesitated.
"Not today." Her voice rose slightly, blurring the line between statement and question.
"OK," Kei said, trying to give hers the soft acceptance she had heard many times from Mari-sensei.
They retrieved the shuriken in silence.
When they were done, Tenten beckoned Kei towards the edge of the clearing, to the base of a huge oak that likely predated Leaf itself. Tenten sat down and lounged back against the tree, looking up at the sunlight filtering through the canopy above.
Kei found a place next to her amidst the sprawling roots. The tree had clearly not distributed them with concern for her personal space in mind, but oddly Kei did not feel uncomfortable lying close to the other girl. It was not a matter of wanting physical contact—Tenten was neither Ami nor Mari-sensei. Quite the opposite, it was because she somehow felt certain that Tenten would never touch her without her permission.
Without pressure to communicate, without the need to defend her personal boundaries, Kei could be safe. For a little while.
-o-
Kei did not know when she had dozed off. She had not intended to. The idea of being forced to sleep next to strangers on missions was disturbing enough—the force of will Mari-sensei demonstrated to make a specialisation of it was extraordinary. And even after Kei had become inured to the practice, it was certainly something she had not dreamt of doing of her own accord. To say nothing of how she had now inconvenienced a girl who had given up her own time to train her.
As Kei stirred upright, there was a snapping sound next to her, as of a book being unceremoniously closed. Tenten stood up, her figure silhouetted against beams of sunlight.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly, then flicked her index finger between herself and the dummies a few times.
"Yes," Kei decoded, "I would be happy to move on to sparring practice."
As Kei stirred upright, there was a snapping sound next to her, as of a book being unceremoniously closed. Tenten stood up, her figure silhouetted against beams of sunlight.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly, then flicked her index finger between herself and the dummies a few times.
"Yes," Kei decoded, "I would be happy to move on to sparring practice."
She placed her stack of borrowed shuriken in the palm of Tenten's carefully outstretched hand.
Although Kei was watching, she had trouble following the legerdemain, if that was what it was. All she knew was that it involved a scroll holster on Tenten's chest, a quick hand movement, and a glint of metal. Then the shuriken were gone, replaced with an equal-sized stack of the blunted training variety.
"Real-time weapon change," Tenten explained on seeing Kei's expression. "Drawing and sheathing is a tool user's weak point. Can be attacked for massive damage."
Kei took the proffered shuriken.
Tenten opened up some distance between them. She gave Kei one more piece of advice before they began.
"Moving target, easy target. Will keep opening, closing, rotating joints. Every motion creates new openings."
Kei did not intend to be an easy target.
-o-
They were the last to rendezvous back at the entrance, where the comfortable peace of the last few hours was inevitably broken by their teammates' clamorous tomfoolery.
"Lee," Hazō said in a voice that was holding on to politeness by the skin of its teeth, "before our next meeting I will compose a list of words which you are not allowed to use for the duration of our training together. They shall include, but by no means be limited to, 'lustful', 'penetrate', 'spurting' and 'girth'."
Lee beamed. "You mean you are planning to train with me again before you leave? That's fantastic. I can tell that my presence is causing the most youthful part of you to grow, and if you can keep it up, your thrusting technique in particular will benefit greatly. I shall honour the commitment you have made, and will ceaselessly train my own manhood so that I may hold you to it."
Hazō slumped onto the nearest bench, his will to live visibly draining like air from a punctured pig's bladder.
The other pair was doing no better.
"'Pop quiz' is not a legitimate form of ninja combat," Hyūga growled at Noburi.
"Is that right?" Noburi smirked. "You mean you lowered yourself to the level of a civilian again? Thanks, Hyūga. In that case it's no wonder those expensive private tutors of yours didn't prepare you for my questions."
"Perhaps next time I can uplift you to my level," Hyūga said. "Ideally by the throat. Though given your extraordinary density, my arms may not be strong enough."
Noburi blinked. Then his smile widened. "Come on, Hyūga. You're being unfair on yourself. Even you must be good at something."
And so it went on.
Tenten gave Kei a look that took no effort whatsoever to interpret. You see what I have to deal with?
Kei let her eyes flicker sideways to where Kagome was attempting to test Hazō for poison or energy-draining ninjutsu, then back to Tenten. Believe me, it is no picnic on this side either.
"Ah, the beauty of youth in full bloom," Gai sighed apropos of nothing Kei could identify.
"I know, right?" Mari-sensei grinned. "It's moments like these that make being a jōnin instructor worthwhile."
Wonderful. While they had spent a beautiful afternoon training, their team leaders had apparently gone insane. Insofar as one could tell with Maito Gai.
"Onwards!" Gai proclaimed. "Tonight is ramen cook-off night, and this time I will not brook the unyouthfulness of a tie!"
"That's right!" Rock Lee said. "Gai-sensei, once I fill you with my broth, you will surely admit it is more youthful than Neji's limp noodle!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
Kei looked to Tenten, a friend not thrown at her by the cruel machinations of fate. A friend made through her own personal choice.
Tenten met her eyes one last time. She tapped her shuriken holster. Again?
Kei tilted her head faintly towards the metropolis of Leaf behind her, towards the Hokage's Office. Then she nodded. If I can.
"Lee," Hazō said in a voice that was holding on to politeness by the skin of its teeth, "before our next meeting I will compose a list of words which you are not allowed to use for the duration of our training together. They shall include, but by no means be limited to, 'lustful', 'penetrate', 'spurting' and 'girth'."
Lee beamed. "You mean you are planning to train with me again before you leave? That's fantastic. I can tell that my presence is causing the most youthful part of you to grow, and if you can keep it up, your thrusting technique in particular will benefit greatly. I shall honour the commitment you have made, and will ceaselessly train my own manhood so that I may hold you to it."
Hazō slumped onto the nearest bench, his will to live visibly draining like air from a punctured pig's bladder.
The other pair was doing no better.
"'Pop quiz' is not a legitimate form of ninja combat," Hyūga growled at Noburi.
"Is that right?" Noburi smirked. "You mean you lowered yourself to the level of a civilian again? Thanks, Hyūga. In that case it's no wonder those expensive private tutors of yours didn't prepare you for my questions."
"Perhaps next time I can uplift you to my level," Hyūga said. "Ideally by the throat. Though given your extraordinary density, my arms may not be strong enough."
Noburi blinked. Then his smile widened. "Come on, Hyūga. You're being unfair on yourself. Even you must be good at something."
And so it went on.
Tenten gave Kei a look that took no effort whatsoever to interpret. You see what I have to deal with?
Kei let her eyes flicker sideways to where Kagome was attempting to test Hazō for poison or energy-draining ninjutsu, then back to Tenten. Believe me, it is no picnic on this side either.
"Ah, the beauty of youth in full bloom," Gai sighed apropos of nothing Kei could identify.
"I know, right?" Mari-sensei grinned. "It's moments like these that make being a jōnin instructor worthwhile."
Wonderful. While they had spent a beautiful afternoon training, their team leaders had apparently gone insane. Insofar as one could tell with Maito Gai.
"Onwards!" Gai proclaimed. "Tonight is ramen cook-off night, and this time I will not brook the unyouthfulness of a tie!"
"That's right!" Rock Lee said. "Gai-sensei, once I fill you with my broth, you will surely admit it is more youthful than Neji's limp noodle!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
Kei looked to Tenten, a friend not thrown at her by the cruel machinations of fate. A friend made through her own personal choice.
Tenten met her eyes one last time. She tapped her shuriken holster. Again?
Kei tilted her head faintly towards the metropolis of Leaf behind her, towards the Hokage's Office. Then she nodded. If I can.
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Omake: MfD Holiday Special
Omake: MfD Holiday Special
Hazou practically skipped into the Konoha safehouse, grinning from ear to ear.
"I have a plan." He declared.
Kagome ducked for cover.
"Jiraiya, I'd like to spend a favour. I want to do some sealing research and I want you to help me, because frankly this is way more advanced than anything else I've ever attempted. Also I think I might have just solved the world peace thing."
Jiraiya gave Hazou a dubious look, and then took a sealing research project proposal and safety assessment form out from his filling cabinet.
"This I need to hear." He said, handing it over.
Yagura sat in his office, eating cake. It was nice cake. Specially made to celebrate the birth of the sage of the six paths. He was pretty sure that the sage had actually been born in spring, but the ancients had wanted a mid-winter festival, and so, Sagemass had become tradition.
"NAUGHTY." Declared an inhuman voice.
Yagura almost choked on his cake. He was out of his seat, kunai in hand, in a split second, ready to confront the intruder, when a small piece of coal appeared out of nowhere and hit him square between the eyes.
He stood there stunned for a moment, and then spoke.
"What."
And so it was, that every year on Sagemass day, all the nice people of Earth found presents materialising out of thin air, while all the naughty people got hit in the face by a lump of coal.
It didn't create world peace, as Hazou had predicted it might, as people didn't actually care that much when their politicians got hit by lumps of coal. As it turned out, that actually just created a lot of political apathy.
Keiko said "I told you so."
Also, Sasuke didn't care about Sagemass, and when asked his opinion muttered something about Indra using Grand Fireball Technique eight times when he only had enough chakra to do it once.
The End.
Hazou practically skipped into the Konoha safehouse, grinning from ear to ear.
"I have a plan." He declared.
Kagome ducked for cover.
"Jiraiya, I'd like to spend a favour. I want to do some sealing research and I want you to help me, because frankly this is way more advanced than anything else I've ever attempted. Also I think I might have just solved the world peace thing."
Jiraiya gave Hazou a dubious look, and then took a sealing research project proposal and safety assessment form out from his filling cabinet.
"This I need to hear." He said, handing it over.
Yagura sat in his office, eating cake. It was nice cake. Specially made to celebrate the birth of the sage of the six paths. He was pretty sure that the sage had actually been born in spring, but the ancients had wanted a mid-winter festival, and so, Sagemass had become tradition.
"NAUGHTY." Declared an inhuman voice.
Yagura almost choked on his cake. He was out of his seat, kunai in hand, in a split second, ready to confront the intruder, when a small piece of coal appeared out of nowhere and hit him square between the eyes.
He stood there stunned for a moment, and then spoke.
"What."
And so it was, that every year on Sagemass day, all the nice people of Earth found presents materialising out of thin air, while all the naughty people got hit in the face by a lump of coal.
It didn't create world peace, as Hazou had predicted it might, as people didn't actually care that much when their politicians got hit by lumps of coal. As it turned out, that actually just created a lot of political apathy.
Keiko said "I told you so."
Also, Sasuke didn't care about Sagemass, and when asked his opinion muttered something about Indra using Grand Fireball Technique eight times when he only had enough chakra to do it once.
The End.
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Can someone remind me what this is referring to?
- Location
- Yes.
Probably a betting pool for who Hazou ends up with, or how long it takes for him to get with Akane.
Really? I faintly remember something from a previous Inoue-POV when she was talking about being disqualified, so I think this is a call-back, but I just can't recall any of the details.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Merry Christmas everyone! The update is about 40% done and is likely to drop late tonight since holiday with family will interfere.
As an additional gift, note that @Velorien has dropped a bonus update.
As an additional gift, note that @Velorien has dropped a bonus update.
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My current theory is that her sealing research ate the language centres of her brain. Given that Kei was talking pretty normally, it would be odd for Tenten to decide to respond in stilted half-sentences and mostly impart meaning through body language.
Edit: unless this is how you're supposed to talk to Naras and Tenten decided to treat her as one.
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- Location
- Phoenix, AZ
Well, I don't think she's ever talked before. Her teammates have talked plenty and there's no particular reason for her not to have talked, so I would interpret this either as Tenten somehow playing the long game to earn Keiko's trust (probably unlikely), or just in general being a very reserved person. There is not a marked difference in how she acts when around Keiko vs. when not around Keiko, but it may be worth keeping in mind. So either she's a quiet and reserved ninja, or she's a subterfuge expert assigned to make Keiko adapt non-violent attacks. I'd probably weigh those odds at around 80% quiet and reserved, 20% subterfuge expert.
Jello_Raptor
(Confirmed Jelly)
- Location
- Left of Center
Also my personal odds for "Lee is doing it on purpose" are now around 90%.
He's not going to choose innuendo that consistently even when prevented from using his standard phrasing if it wasn't on purpose.
He's not going to choose innuendo that consistently even when prevented from using his standard phrasing if it wasn't on purpose.
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- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- uk
Talking pretty normally for Keiko is pretty abnormal, not that hard to notice.
I don't think we've seen Tenten without Keiko around? I just skimmed the last couple chapters and we haven't seen anything from Team Guy perspective (unless I'm missing an omake?). With that in mind I think it's more likely that she's being nice to Keiko, tho I wouldn't give it over 40-50%.