Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

"Just your personal account, My Lord? Let me see..." The clerk flipped through the massive tome that was the Gōketsu Clan Bank's main ledger, ran his finger down a page. "As of this morning you have 237,318 ryō, My Lord. That includes your signing bonus with the clan, weekly stiped, and the various missions you've done."

Haru frowned, trying to digest the numbers. He didn't really have a frame of reference...back when he was merely Yamamoto Haru, clanless genin, he had thought in terms of a bowl of ramen, a new shirt, occasionally an explosive tag if he was going on a dangerous mission. And, of course, the rent. Gōketsu Haru, on the other hand, had no rent, paid nothing for food, could have as many clothes as he wanted just by walking over to the quartermaster—or even send someone to the quartermaster if he didn't feel like walking! What did money even mean for a clan ninja?

"I'll take it," he said.

The clerk paused. "Excuse me, My Lord...you want to withdraw all your money, right now?"

"Yes."

"My Lord..." The clerk swallowed, looking nervous. Haru's suspicions tingled.

"Is there a problem?" Haru asked calmly, letting just a trace of frost into the words.

"No, My Lord. Give me a few minutes, please. It's a lot to gather. Ryō are heavy, and bulky. It's why we use the scrip."

"I brought storage seals. Let's go."


"Good morning, My Lord! What brings you out today?"

"Morning, Munetoki. You know I've said to just call me Haru, right?"

"Yes, My Lord."

Haru sighed. "Look. I'm clanless—I was clanless. I got adopted in. I'm not comfortable with the bowing and scraping."

Munetoki was a weedy teen, barely into adolescence, with mud brown hair and a placid face. His only distinguishing characteristic was his lack of distinguishing characteristics, and the fact that he seemed to enjoy guard duty. He often volunteered to stand watch on the wall, preferring the side farthest from Leaf and therefore farthest from all the other people. Haru had once asked why and gotten an embarrassed shrug and 'I like the quiet'. Haru had nodded; he also enjoyed the quiet and lack of people making demands.

"As you say, My Lord."

Haru sighed. He could probably make the kid stop doing it if he was willing to get angry, but that wasn't something Haru would do to a fourteen-year-old civilian.

"Fine, whatever. Look, I'm out for a few hours. If anyone needs me, I'm going to Tall Rock. It's a village about twenty miles northeast."

"Yes, My Lord." Munetoki hesitated. "If you have a moment, My Lord...any news? I heard that Lord Hazō was going to lunch with the pigfuckers today."

Haru raised an eyebrow. "The 'pigfuckers'?"

"Yes, My Lord. Those worthless Hagoromo bastards who insulted Lady Nara. Everyone knows they fuck pigs."

"The Hokage ordered us to stand down. The Gōketsu being a loyal and obedient clan have of course done so and in no way are we going to take action against the Hagoromo in future. The Hokage also ordered Hazō to teach sealing to one of their brats. It's supposed to be some sort of forced interaction so that we all learn to love one another and hold hands or some such stupidity." He snorted in disdain and saw matched reactions from the civilian. "Anyway, he took lunch there in compliance with orders and ran the brat's lessons for the day over food. He also talked to Lord Pigfucker about myths or something." He grinned, liking the new epithet. Haru wasn't entirely sure how he felt about Keiko, but one thing was certain: If someone insulted your family to the degree the Hagoromo had, you were obligated to wipe them from the earth unless they grovelled for forgiveness. The Hokage's order chafed.

"Myths, My Lord?"

"Yeah, he mentioned it over breakfast. He was planning to pitch it as wanting to learn more about the Will of Fire since Pigfucker is the head priest and therefore the best one to teach it. Total bullshit. He's actually looking to learn about the Sage of the Six Paths. He's got some new bee in his bonnet about resurrection. Won't shut up about it." Also wouldn't do anything about it, but you didn't criticize your Clan Head, even to a civilian member of your clan. Still, had proof been needed that Hazō was an airheaded dreamer who had lucked into fortune, this would be it: Big talk, no movement, just like all his projects. (Well, in fairness, the storage seal bank was a good idea that was actually making a difference, and Hazō had followed through on that one. Of course, 'following through' had amounted to issuing orders for other people to do things.) Regardless, Hazō's lack of action was the purpose of today's trip that had been hung up by this conversation.

"Did he learn anything, My Lord?"

Haru snorted. "Came back with a head full of myths and legends. Don't know if that counts, but whatever. Anyway, I need to go or I'll be back in the dark. See you."

"Safe travels, My Lord."


When Haru arrived at the small farming village, he took care to walk on the road, moving slowly and non-threateningly. The first farmers to see him still dropped their hoes and ran for the village. A ninja headband had that effect on many farmers.

By the time he entered the village proper, the population was assembled and waiting, bowed in full dogeza with the village headman in front, also face down in the dust.

The village was, as he had told Munetoki, small. Tiny, even. Fewer than two dozen houses and perhaps eighty souls. The population was old for a farming village; this close to Leaf, most of the young ones with any ambition had gone to the city. The only ones who stayed were those too tied to the land or too shiftless to go.

"How may we serve you, My Lord?" The headman asked, not raising his head.

"First of all, get up. All of you. Please."

There was a pause and then they looked up to check that he was serious. He gestured to reinforce the order and after a few seconds they all obeyed.

"This is for you," Haru said, taking out the first storage seal and holding it upside down as he activated it. A massive leather bag fell out, hitting the ground with a hefty clink. More storage seals were opened and more bags of ryō hit the ground.

No one moved.

"My Lord?" the headman asked.

"This money is for you. All of you. Take it." He waved uncomfortably towards the sacks. He hadn't expected this degree of hesitation.

"My Lord...?"

"Look, I'm Gōketsu Haru. The Gōketsu have this uplift project where we try to make life better for people, including civilians." He gestured towards the money. "So...here. Uplift accomplished, I guess."

"My Lord...you're giving us this money?"

"Yeah." Why was this hard?

"All of this money is for us?"

"Yeah."

The headman seemed very confused. "This money, which is yours...you want us to take it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't understand."

"Look, this isn't hard. This is my money. I am giving it to you. It's here, in front of you, and I'm going to leave it here."

"But...why? What do you want us to do with it?"

"I dunno. Buy stuff? Maybe hire ninja to kill critters or plow the fields or something? There's this whole category of missions called till'n'fills. You pay a few ryō, a ninja will show up to use jutsu for you. Raise up stone walls, use explosives to stump the fields, that kind of thing."

"You're giving us the money so that we can hire ninja?"

"Sure, I guess. Or whatever."

"My Lord...wouldn't it be simpler just to send the ninja?"

"Look, I don't care what you do with it. Hire ninja, buy pots or tools or whatever you need. It's money. You figure it out."

The headman exchanged baffled look with some of the villagers. "My Lord...but..."

"Look, I'm done here. You've got the money, you'll think of something." He turned to go.

"My Lord, please!"

He turned back with a sigh. "What?"

"If the Daimyo's men think we held back this much from the tax, we'll be executed."

Haru gritted his teeth. "Fine, here." He whipped a parchment and lap desk out of another storage seal. (Being in the clan of sealmasters took some getting used to but it sure had its conveniences.) He sat down crosslegged and scrawled a quick note on the parchment, then sealed everything up again and blew gently on the ink to dry it.

"Show this to anyone from the Daimyo," he said, offering the parchment to the headman. "It says that I'm Gōketsu Haru, I gave this money to you to do with as you like, it is not to be taxed, and that you're under my protection. They can tax your harvest and the normal stuff, but the cash isn't to be taxed." A term came to mind and he grinned. "Under my authority as a ninja in good standing of a Voting Clan of Leaf, I am infesting—no, investing in this village. I am supplying the...whatever it's called, cap-something...the money, and I've hired you as my agent to spend it. If anyone harms you, or forces you to do anything, or tries to take the money, have them talk to me first. Gōketsu Haru."

The headman looked even more baffled. "But, My Lord...I know nothing of 'investing' or whatever you said. How can I do a job I don't know?"

"Look, it's just a thing to say, okay? To keep people off your back. Just buy stuff that makes life here better. Tools, food, animals, ninja missions, whatever. I don't care. Now, I need to get back before it gets dark. So long."

He turned and set off homeward at ninja speed, not waiting for more pointless questions.


"Hazō! How are you?"

Hazō looked up as his host entered the tea room. His chest caught for just a moment; Ino was always beautiful, but apparently he had interrupted her in the bath. Her hair was still damp and wavy from being vigorously toweled. She wore barely a trace of cosmetics and had on a simple, understated silk kimono instead of the more elaborate clothes she normally wore. Not only did the lack of artifice make her even more beautiful, but the trust she was extending by sharing this less-than-perfect moment was astounding. 'Clothes are armor' then-sensei Mari had often said. Clothes, and cosmetics, and all the other elements of one's presentation. Leaving the armor off was...something.

She knelt seiza opposite him, the narrow tea table between them, and leaned forward to boop his nose. "Oi! Earth to Hazō! What's going on?"

He laughed. "Sorry. You look nice."

She mimed a fancy bow. "Why thank you, kind sir. Now, answer the darn question. Green or black?"

"Wait, now you've asked three questions. Which one was I supposed to answer?"

She mock-glared at him as she poured the tea. "Green it is then. Smartasses don't get choices." She set the two cups equidistant between them on the table and allowed him to select the one he wanted before taking the other. "Seriously, I wasn't expecting a visit this late in the afternoon. Is there a problem?"

"No, no problem." He took a sip of the tea and ducked his head in appreciation. "I'm on my way back from lunch with Hagoromo. Asuma tasked me with teaching sealing to one of their kids, which I'm doing. He—Asuma, not the kid—also wants me to spend time on their estate so that we get to know one another. He thinks that will help heal the rift."

Ino gave a delicate snort. "I'm sure that will happen any day now."

"Why, Ino," Hazō said, his voice the model of mock innocence, "you seem as though you doubt the Gōketsu's obedience to the Hokage. He has ordered us to stop all hostility towards the Hagoromo. We are a loyal clan of the Leaf and the Will of Fire, so we have complied in full."

"Right. Of course. My mistake." She sipped her own tea. "Learn anything?"

"Aside from the layout of their gardens and half of their manor, plus the faces of what I'm reasonably confident are all their ninja, and the type of training equipment they use which implies a great deal about how they fight? Lots. We talked about Fire Country mythology and legends, with a lot of focus on the Sage of Six Paths."

"Did you now?"

"We did."

"And did those stories provide you with a wealth of detail that will allow you to bring back the dead starting tomorrow?"

"They did not. They were enjoyable—I'll give him this much, he's a good storyteller—but there was nothing actionable in there that I could see."

"Pity. I was so eager to see you overturn the natural order and raise up your grand utopia. I had cleared my schedule for tomorrow and everything."

"Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've had to push it back to Thursday."

She laughed. "Good to know."

Hazō chuckled along with her, then sobered. "Joking aside, part of why I came was to be with someone who isn't such a creep but I don't have to be Clan Head for, you know?"

For just a moment her smile rang false. She rummaged a handkerchief out of her belt and pulled her hair over her shoulder so she could dry it a bit more. "Yeah, I can understand that," she said after a moment. "I wasn't ready to be a Clan Head quite this early either." She studiously didn't meet his eyes.

Hazō winced. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged one shoulder, still not looking...and then she took a breath and faced him again, her wicked smile once more in place. "Well, as long as I am, I've decided to be drunk with power. I've been buying all the clothes, and eating expensive sweets until I don't want any more." She gestured dismissively. "Sure, it makes the treasurer nuts but he can cope and deal. Fussy old man."

"Heh. Well, I'm sure he deserves it. Anyway, I wanted to know if you had thought of anything you wanted help with that I could do?"

"Actually, yes."

Huh. Cool, he hadn't actually expected that offer to pay off.

"The Yamanaka Stability Jutsu that we contributed to the contest. You know it?"

"Sure. I've been using it myself. I feel like it's been helping. I think, anyway."

"It's slow, yes. That's actually part of why we released it—there's a school of thought that it doesn't actually do anything."

"...What?"

"It's been a debate in the Ino-Shika-Chō for years. Yamanaka ninja do tend to be calmer and more emotionally stable than many other ninja, but how much of that is the jutsu and how much of it is simply the fact that our clan models those sorts of behavior so we all grow up with it?"

Uncertainty went through him. He did feel like it was helping, but the progress was so slow that maybe it was an illusion?

"I mean...it does use chakra," he said.

"Sure, but maybe it's just burning the chakra for no effect. It's like when you chakra boost while sitting still."

"That still has an effect. Your muscles are still stronger and faster even if you aren't engaging them."

She shrugged. "Look, take it up with Shika. He's got this whole raft of things he likes to argue on this subject, and I'm sick of it. Definitions of reality, identity, blah blah blah."

Hazō smiled. "Actually, I'll do that. I've currently got three Shadow Clones over there going through the Nara Public Library gathering books related to the Sage and this weird poem that Cannai gave me. I'm going to go pick the books up and then look for details on areas with high chakra concentration, like the Swamp of Death."

One pale eyebrow rose. "Why?"

Hazō gave her his best sly grin. "Hey, a guy's gotta keep a little mystery, right? Or so the local expert tells me."

"You're not nearly as funny as you think you are," she said. The laugh gave the lie to her attempt at a harsh tone.

"Hey, I am exactly as funny as I think I am!"

"Oh? How funny is that, exactly?"

"Um...well..."

"Pro tip: Be able to follow up on your clichés."

"Bah."

"Anyway, going back to the actual point: Yes, there's a thing you can help with. Releasing the Yamanaka Stability Jutsu was partially to help Leaf but also to do..." She frowned, clearly trying to remember something. When she spoke, her cadence was that of her teammate. "A large-scale experimental protocol intended to gather actionable data for optimizing future action." She shrugged and smiled. "Anyway, you can help out by really pushing it. You've been seen to be interested, but it would be great if you could make it a major project. Instruct all your ninja to learn it, inspire people outside your clan to do so, blah blah blah. I'd do it myself but if the clan of mindwalkers is seen to be pushing a mental jutsu then people would just get worried."

"Sure. I'll tell Gaku to issue the order to the ninja on the Gōketsu estate and Mari to figure out how to spread the word." Something occurred to him. "Wait...it really is just a stability jutsu, right?"

"Pinky promise, cross my heart," she said, making the appropriate gestures. "Nothing but what it seems. The goal is to help Leaf become better able to handle ninja life, but we need to know if it actually works or if it's just Tanaka's tabi."

"Tanaka's tabi? What?"

"You don't know that story? It's about a street kid who wants to be a ninja but doesn't make it into the Academy. He finds a pair of worn-out and blood-stained tabi in the Academy's trash heap and decides they're magical, imbued with the power of the ninja who wore them before, and the power of the blood that was spilled on them. He wears them constantly and trains hard until he develops a chakra system strong enough to ninja with and becomes a mighty hero. He loses the tabi and loses his power until his sensei convinces him that the power was inside him all along and the tabi were nothing but a mental crutch to inspire him to do the necessary work."

"Interesting! And what happens after that?"

"You've seriously never heard this story? It's, like, the most famous bedtime story in Leaf."

He gave her a Look.

"Right, right, okay." She shifted to get more comfortable and took a thoughtful sip of her tea. "Here's how my nana always told it:

"Now listen, little one, to the second tale of clever Tanaka, the beggar ninja. After he gained his power he questioned, wondering what his path should be after his dreams were achieved. And so he found a new dream: A dream of clan, of wife and family. He approached the Hyūga first, but they spurned him and spat on him. He approached the Uchiha second, but they laughed him into the street. He approached the Yamanaka third, and wise Ginji saw the spirit in him. He told Tanaka that he was powerful, and driven, and had all the bravery and physical prowess one could want, but he was reckless and overbold—this is the part where I always asked why being bold was a bad thing and she told me to hush and lie still and sleep." She chuckled and took a sip of her tea before picking up the thread again. "Brave and overbold, so he must prove himself capable of the restraint, focus, and decisive action that are the essence of the Yamanaka. He set Tanaka three mighty tasks..."

---

Author's Note: This update covers 6 days. You spent the first day doing the things described above and the second day sketching up a preliminary design for the Strobelight seal. You decided that it wasn't terribly difficult so you did research rolls on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th days without bothering to spend prep time. Your rolls, net of dice et al, were:

• 36
• 30
• 33
• 42

The completion of the seal is currently awaiting discussion with @Velorien. I'll edit it in here and announce it once it's determined. (EDIT: PSA: The Strobelight seals are complete! They are one-use. They provide an Aspect, 'Blinding Flash' and a tag.)

(EDIT: There's no way to directly determine if a place has high chakra concentration, but you found 2 areas with high concentrations of chakra beasts similar to the Swamp of Death. Details TBD when you decide to act on the information.)

XP AWARD: 12

Brevity XP: 6

"GM had fun" XP: 0

It is now the morning of the 7th day.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 23, 2020, at 12pm London time.