Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Traditionally, the Nara saw early mornings much as the Hoshigaki saw vegetarian diets—as a cruel weapon developed by enemy clans long ago, and propagated throughout society with false promises of heightened energy and health benefits so as to ruin clans less perspicacious than theirs. As such, Hazō was surprised to see the compound such a hive of activity. The front courtyard was being used for training by Tenten and the Snowflakes—who had turned to wave to him in perfect unison in a way that totally wasn't creepy—and the former site of the main building was host to a passionate debate between a number of Nara and KEI ninja (including, of all people, a frivolously-dressed but serious-looking Yoku Hatten, who gave Hazō a surreptitious hand-to-heart salute).

"What's going on back there, anyway?" Hazō asked an already weary-looking Shikamaru, who gazed at him over the desk with an unmistakable expression of "I've been up since dawn, and now there's you".

"Burly man?" Shikamaru asked. "Black hair in dreadlocks? Wearing metal bracers on his arms despite being off-duty?"

Hazō nodded.

"I see you have encountered the Tsuchimikado Team. Keiko, I lack the energy for exposition, so could you kindly take over?"

"I would love nothing more," Keiko said tonelessly. "Hazō, Tsuchimikado Nanao is one of Leaf's leading Earth ninjutsu researchers. I am given to understand that he reinvented the extinct Ochi Clan's Pitfall Trap Technique, then improved on it with the acclaimed Pitfall Trap with Spikes at the Bottom Technique. His most recent project, currently on hold, is a new stage that he claims will eliminate the technique's primary failure mode."

"What's that?"

"Survivors.

"Two weeks ago, he presented an unrelated proposal to the KEI, whereupon we assembled an ad hoc panel of experts to evaluate it, then placed him in contact with potential assistants, an experienced administrator to serve as project manager—I imagine you recognised him outside; it is lamentably difficult not to—and a pair of negotiation specialists to represent him in talks with the Nara."

"So what was the proposal?" Hazō asked. Outside, there was a very Keiko-like yelp of pain, and then the girl in front of him winced.

"Tsuchimikado's original title was Project Develop Our Own Advanced Digging Ninjutsu, Way Better than Those Rock Scumbags' Ninjutsu, and Then Use It to Dig Up the Stuff They Buried So We Can Sell it Back to the Clans at a Huge Profit. This lasted only until Ami had finished laughing, and it is now known as Project Earth Emperor.

"The Nara are providing support for the research in exchange for retaining exclusive use of the Tsuchimikado Team's services until recovery of Nara assets and remains is complete. Unfortunately, yours truly has been stuck with designing the security arrangements, as the only person trusted both by the Nara to protect clan secrets and by the KEI not to murder diggers in order to do so. It seems none of us can escape our grim destinies."

Hazō and Shikamaru both gave her questioning looks.

"My parents are security experts," she explained. "As Ami was obviously meant for greater things, it was a natural expectation that I would succeed them in the role, in the unlikely event that I became a chūnin and gained the corresponding clearance levels.

"But enough about the sadistic creativity with which karma reasserts itself in our lives. Hazō, what brings you to our humble home?"

"Keiko,"—Hazō grinned—"I've had a brilliant idea."

"Hazō," Keiko said levelly, "two days ago, it was necessary for me to speak to Dr Yakushi as part of the process for undoing the Hagoromo quarantine at the Hokage's orders. While inflicting small talk upon me, Dr Yakushi asked me to pass on his compliments to my sister: apparently, the atmosphere in Orochimaru's laboratory has improved considerably now that they have a regular supply of shinobi who are resolved to face death with dignity, and therefore do not scream quite so much.

"This is my life now, and yet your words still manage to send a shiver down my spine."

"No, no," Hazō said. "This isn't an 'accidentally unleash a genocidal war' idea, or a 'blow up the world if anything goes wrong' idea, or even a 'get everyone killboxed due to the Powers that Be wrongly thinking I'm trying to commit treason' idea. This one is perfectly safe and universally beneficial."

Shikamaru and Keiko exchanged glances.

"I ask your forgiveness, dear wife," Shikamaru said gravely. "I had always assumed your past trauma stemmed from growing up in a brutal totalitarian state where those around you constantly tormented you and denied your value."

"Not at all, beloved husband. I think it likely that those experiences did play a certain contributing role."

"Very funny," Hazō grumbled. "Now do you want to hear my idea, or should I go straight to Asuma to ask his opinion?"

It took Hazō a moment to process the sound that came out of Keiko's mouth as "Please continue", compressed for speed until it barely counted as a syllable.

"It's very simple," Hazō began. "We pass a law allowing the clans to claim extra adoption slots, but for every one they claim beyond the standard number, the Tower decreases its stipend proportionately, so the amount of money going through the system doesn't change, but the clans can still have more ninja.

"It's a win-win situation. Every new clan ninja still gets the full benefits of clan training, exclusive techniques, and generally all the resources they need to become extra-powerful and make Leaf stronger, and the clans get to repopulate quickly after all the disasters of the past year. You're the last people I need to tell what a big deal that is right now.

"Obviously, we'll clear it with Asuma first, but since it won't affect the Tower directly, and it won't harm Leaf's military readiness—just the opposite—I can't imagine why he'd say no. He's been very clear about his priorities.

"I don't think we'll have any trouble drumming up support prior to the vote either. A lot of clans have suffered heavy losses, and even those that haven't, like the Uchiha or for that matter the Kei, stand to gain enormously. It's a win-win for everyone. I'm thinking of calling it the Clan Restoration Act."

In the winter of Hazō's fourth year at the Academy, a clanless classmate had chosen his words poorly when insulting a Yuki girl in the year above, and her big brother declared it a matter of clan honour. The boy's family hadn't been allowed to extract the body until the ice melted in the spring. That was the image that came to mind when Hazō saw Keiko's reaction, or lack of it.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, looked intrigued. "The stipend mechanics would be the sticking point, I imagine, but those are within the realm of negotiation and optimisation. The basic idea is sound. Granted, it is best not to be over-optimistic: I am aware that you have been purchasing adoption slots, and their availability in itself should tell you that clans often refuse to dilute their bloodline, and accept potential spies into their ranks, even where no financial trade-off is involved. However, it is not as if acceptance of this law would be a compulsion to adopt; rather, it represents a simple expansion of options. The Nara, having long since acknowledged the objective fact that a bloodline must be regularly enriched if it is to prosper, would only welcome additional opportunities for optimisation, even if we ultimately decide not to employ them."

He sat silently for a few seconds, considering.

"Those not wishing to take advantage of the law would naturally seek to prevent others from doing so, but on the whole, I suspect they would be in the minority. I note in passing that the law would widen the gap between the wealthier clans and the minor ones for which training and supporting additional shinobi involves measurable costs that the stipend offsets, though that is of limited relevance as far as Council support is concerned.

"I concur that your proposal would be to Asuma's tastes as well, for the reasons you have listed and some obvious others. You were wise to come to us with this first, insofar as the Nara will inevitably be involved at the stage of running the numbers to ensure that the Tower's interests are preserved.

"Of course," he noted, looking to Keiko, "there are additional considerations."

Keiko nodded slowly.

"Hazō," she said, "you have placed me in an untenable position. As the second-in-command of the Nara, I agree fully with everything Shikamaru says. It is our responsibility to restore the clan's power by whatever means we can find. The clansmen who have entrusted their lives and livelihoods to us deserve nothing less. Insofar as your proposal will surely assist in this—on the admittedly bold assumption that there are no critical flaws in it that I have thus far failed to recognise—it is incumbent on me to assist you with its development and final implementation to the best of my ability."

She took a deep breath.

"Simultaneously, as a coordinator of the KEI, I can only interpret it as a declaration of war."

As a what of what?!

"Keiko," Hazō said urgently, "I'm not sure what you're misunderstanding, but you're definitely misunderstanding something. The whole point of the Clan Restoration Act is that it benefits everybody—both the clans who get to adopt more ninja and the ninja who get…" Ah, crap.

"Hazō," Keiko said, "allow me for a moment to suspend the catastrophic contradiction you have imposed upon me and speak purely as a representative of the KEI. First, pragmatically, clan adoption is a zero-sum game which the KEI must lose. When a shinobi is adopted, the KEI's power decreases according to the value of that shinobi—which one must assume to be high if they are an adoption candidate to begin with—and the power of a clan, of the clans as a whole, increases by the same amount. This is plain arithmetical fact. Its logical conclusion, in a world where the Clan Restoration Act is enthusiastically exploited, is the destruction of the KEI as a functional organisation, as it is by definition reduced to undesirables who lack the value necessary for their voices to be heard.

"Second, ideologically, clan adoption is the enemy of the world we seek, which is a world where every shinobi of Leaf has access to the resources they require to prosper, irrespective of origin or affiliation. Every adoption is a reaffirmation of the present status quo, that a clanless shinobi's greatest dream should be to abandon their less gifted or less fortunate fellows and join the paradise reserved for the elite, whereafter they and their descendants will continue to benefit from and perpetuate the oppression of those they once called comrades. We endeavour not to judge those who make this choice—I myself once bowed in willing submission before a man whose care for those without his wealth or power ended at reasonably-priced novels—and instead to simply make every shinobi ask the question: 'Is my suffering so great that I will turn and flee from privation while my comrades stay behind and fight?'"

They sat in silence.

"I would like to note," Keiko added, "that I hold the two of you responsible for the position in which I now find myself."

Shikamaru gave her a confused look. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"I should not be compelled to care about people," Keiko said tensely. "I had a perfectly enjoyable—well, miserable but resigned-to—existence in which I needed only care about one individual, then a small number whose gradual expansion never exceeded my slowly-building tolerance. I never asked to feel responsible for the welfare of hundreds of strangers who, for the most part, have done nothing for me and are known to me only by dossier. Yet here I am, after prolonged exposure to unsafe levels of Hazō, followed by support for a friend in the aftermath of disaster—and, yes, I suppose Ami might in some way be a causal factor as well—and suddenly I find myself feeling forced to return unasked-for trust with responsibility. There are hundreds of people whom I am unable to leave to their own devices, lest they undergo suffering I could have prevented with the power they have one-sidedly bestowed upon me. Do you realise I joined the KEI as a functional secretary, a passive balancing factor for a dyad of forceful personalities with disharmonious backgrounds and objectives?"

She stood up sharply, hands on the desk.

"I am Nara Keiko, the genin who failed her Stage VII assessments three times in a row. Who was kidnapped because she was not valuable enough to miss. Who had less will to live than any shinobi in the Swamp. Who came as part of a package deal with the sealmasters and the jōnin. Who was purchased by Nara Shikaku as a curiosity raised in a parallel tradition. That is the real Kei, not this girl who was handed survival and friends and power and love and victory and more power on a plate, and then expected to act as if she were worthy of those gifts. I am not a leader. I am not a champion. I am not a role model. I am not Ami!"

Before either of the boys could muster a response, she ran off.

Shikamaru and Hazō exchanged glances.

"I will admit," Shikamaru said, "that I did not see that coming."

"One seldom does," Hazō said sympathetically. "It's just something you have to get used to."

"She is not wholly incorrect," Shikamaru commented. "Back when I was… at my worst… I did not adequately consider that fact that as a Frozen Skein user, she could hardly have received training for leadership of so much as a four-man team. Still, that was unexpected. I feel as if I may have missed something.

"Regardless, I imagine you can take her position on the KEI issue as representative, if not of the clanless population as a whole, then at minimum of the Triumvirate and other decision-makers. We have entered an age where even the powerful must tread lightly. Something to consider, for both you and me, before your proposal goes any further."

"You know," Hazō said quietly, "just once I'd like to offer an idea without being told it'll throw the village into fire, death, and destruction."

"I understand the Festival Committee is gathering suggestions for this year's Founder's Day decorations," Shikamaru told him seriously. "Ribbon colours and the subjects of painted scrolls are popular topics."

Hazō brightened up. "The Gōketsu can help with that. What if some of the painted scrolls were seals that passers-by could trigger to I'll shut up now."

Shikamaru nodded. "Permit me to return the courtesy, as I have a wife who needs… Quite frankly, I have no idea what she needs, but you and I both know that ninety percent of research is trial and error. Thank you again for bringing your idea to us first."

"Good luck," Hazō said. "Try to make sure there aren't any sharp objects in the room before you talk to her."

"She shares a room with Tenten. I could sooner drink the ocean dry.

"And now, I must bid you good day. If we never meet again, know that you were an acceptable brother-in-law."

"You were not bad either," Hazō said with the gravity of a man delivering a final benediction. "Though you really should have come to more of our parties."

You have received 1 + 1 = 2 XP.

Fun-to-write bonus included.

This update covered only the morning (hence the low base XP). There is still time for the rest of the plan today.


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