"Kill as thou will" shall be the whole of the law.
This sounds too close to "let's nuke Isan because what else can we do, right?"; this time we DO have alternatives, and Hidan is more flexible than Asuma. He wants us to do our quota? Fine, but on our terms. He doesn't care who dies so long as we do the killing, so let's use that.But consider: more TYS points.
(More seriously, if we don't want to slide off the slippery slope, we can just... not. And my plan isn't even doing that, it's not actually arguing that killing these people for power is okay, it's artificially inducing this mindset as an instrumental goal towards ending up not having to kill them.)
Don't think it's a thing. Would be cool if it was thoUseing chakra to manipulate ninja wire.(or hopefully silk!)
Pretty sure that's a thing, right?
Seems like we could pay someone to invent it, then.
I don't expect this to be persuasive to Hidan. Even with humanity collapsing, these particular people don't matter to Hidan as much as getting Hazou Jashin-buffs so he can do uplift better and spread the word of Jashin.[x] Action Plan: Jashin Take the Wheel
- Mindset: Prepare yourself to slaughter these people.
- Your theological arguments won't work if Hidan thinks they're a rationalization. You can't deceive him. If you want to avoid a massacre, you need to be genuinely willing to commit it.
- Put on extreme-utilitarian glasses. Recognize these people's global unimportance compared to your agenda. Imagine Akane's killers in their place. Commit to resurrect them. Recall how much of the world's brokenness stems from people's own choices; everyone, including those villagers, is complicit. Dip into Out to see them as meatsacks. Whatever works.
- If your ploy fails? Yup, go slaughter them.
- Thus resolved, start a theological argument. Not because you want to save these people; let go of that desire. Do it because you think Hidan is failing Jashin.
- He said Jashin's all about balance. The world is not in balance. Humanity is projected to go extinct within the century, and then there'd be no more birth nor deaths, just the suffering-incapable beasts.
- Hidan's unaimed slaughters are a contributing factor. Those buffets may please Jashin short-term, but they're like eating the seeds while the whole crop's failing. What needs killing are the weeds threatening civilization: those defecting against it, the warhawks, monstrosities like the Dragons.
- Why else'd Jashin chosen Hazou, whose ideology is as far from Hidan's modus operandi as it gets? Why'd he favour Hazou so blatantly it made Shikamaru freak out?
- If Jashin governs life and death — well, Hidan fills the High Priest of Death slot's pretty well. But his Life counterpart seems missing. Your spot, maybe?
- Which's all just speculation, of course. Hidan refused to explain the metaphysics; but you're refusing to do things just on his say-so.
- If Hidan's just being an essie and wants to make you kill people for funsies, all the talk of "Jashin" a rationalization? Okay, that tracks.
- If Hidan wants to actually serve Jashin? He better convince you this slaughter is net-beneficial.
- Play it by ear from there.
- Don't resurrect your desire to save these people; don't rationalize reasons why Jashin won't want this slaughter.
- Genuinely determine whether it's what benefits Jashin. Accept whatever conclusion emerges.
- Dip into Out to have better insight into alien mentality.
Kudos to Zerovirus on Discord for the core idea.
Hidan sighed, pulling his scythe off his shoulders and giving it a couple test swings. "Look, kid. Lord Jashin likes your Uplift idea. He likes you a lot, and wants to make Uplift happen. Makes sense he'd choose you for that – it ain't up my alley. But unless you give him the room to put his finger on the scales, he ain't gonna help you out. I'm sure he's fine with you doin' all the work, but you're gonna need guidance and strength to get it done. Unless you're fool enough to renounce Lord Jashin's blessing.
Is this about Hidan's senses? 👀 Or will Hidan test Hazō again?? Nice anyway
"And what's with the premature balding?"The thought has occurred.
ASUMA "What inspired you to reinvent the Flying Thunder God technique, Hazou?"
HAZOU: "I just hate commuting."
And there's a proverb about sealmasters and pre- ah, wait, it's Hidan.He needed to curry favor and make sure they wouldn't turn on Leaf. Luckily, as a sealmaster, Hazō was always prepared.
Clever!Hazō leaned forward slightly in his chair as he reached into the folds of his shirt. He held it open just long enough to let Hidan see the amulet bearing Jashin's symbol that rested on Hazō's chest (he'd put it on in the mad dash to the Tower),
We're precious"Could I interest you gentlemen in some peppermint tea?" Hazō's chakra pulsed, then a tray laden with a steaming pot and six cups popped into his hands.
Kakuzu laughed abruptly, cold and harsh, and Hidan shot him a glare.
"Hey!" Hidan said, taking the pot and a cup. "I think he's precious.
HahahahahaLook, kid, you ain't gonna be the first to try to win me over with…"
[snip]
"Ah, never mind. You're not the first to try, but you're the first to succeed," Hidan said.
Oh we're going to have to have words about it aren't we.Hazō took his and Asuma joined him with barely a moment of hesitation.
Oh, that's sad. I wouldn't want immortality if I couldn't eat or drink."None for you, sir?" Hazō asked the mysterious, half-masked killer sitting next to Hidan.
Hidan laughed. "He ain't human enough for that, kid. Enjoy what you got while you got it, you know?"
Kakuzu sees the Deep Fucking Value of unmapped Fire assets it appears"Damn, is this what money can buy in the big cities? Maybe you're right that cash is king, Kakuzu."
When you work with Hidan regularly, sure, you gotta learn to express that urge to kill in different ways. Also when you're an unholy abomination using dark magic, unknown medical jutsu abilities, and probably a weird bloodline no one's heard of to stay alive but your eyes still rot, you make people uncomfy I guess. Shrug.Hazō didn't feel the man's killing intent, but something about his eerie green gaze still set Hazō's skin crawling.
Well, on the one hand yes, but also no,
OH WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE WORDS WITH ASUMA AND SHIKAMARU ABOUT THAT TOO WON'T WE."The duties of a host are inescapable. Sadly, I can't exactly invite you over – you say I never write, but where am I supposed to write to?"
Hidan chuckled. "Heh, fair enough. I stay on the move, while it's not like you're goin' anywhere fun. Wait!" he said, snapping a hand out to point a finger at Hazō's chest. Hazō flinched.
"You can totally write! Just send your letter off to Rain and I'm sure Konan or someone'll get it to me. Oh, you'll have to find some way to stand out from all the fanmail – putting your name on the outside should be enough, but maybe put Lord Jashin's symbol on it too. Make it clear that this is official communication and all, right?
Holy shit we got the most powerful dad in the world going protective. Or, well, murderous in a positive way.Hidan's face fell as he spoke. "Aw, kid, I'm sorry to hear that. She was your girlfriend, right?"
Hazō nodded. Hidan rapped his knuckles against the wood of Asuma's desk, still looking concerned. "Damn. That's real rough. I remember her from O'uzu. Gave her the Spirit's Trial. Lord Jashin liked her. I dunno what to say. I think anyone'd want the pieces-o'-shit that did that dead. That's somethin' we can do, right?"
He seems much more rational and much less murder-happy than the canon Kakuzu, which is interesting. I hope we get to learn more about him, you QMs made him... interesting. *sobs*"Investigating violations of the AMITY accords is explicitly within our remit, yes," Kakuzu said. "However, after the first three investigations pointed us at the wind in the hope that we'd raze an enemy's village, we've decided that we will continue charging our usual rates."
Yeeeaaaaah!Hidan smirked. "You got blood? That'll help. Don't worry about it, kid. If she's anywhere on this Path, we'll find her and massacre her killers."
Ooooooh.To his credit, Asuma barely grimaced at Hazō's request. "I agree. Given that means, motive, and miscellaneous evidence point towards this being Hidden Rock's revenge on a war hero that wronged them, Lord Gōketsu and I will fund your investigation.
This. Hey players, remember the april fools shortly after Kagome joined, and the nightmare in the aftermath of the Sunset Racer, about meeting Itachi? Now we're stuck between two S-rankers, one borderline mad and the other clearly pissed off, and Asuma who I repeat I suspect will want to have words about this. And this is something that probably will become only more common as time goes on! And we're still nowhere near powerful enough to survive it if it comes to blows! Oh that's glorious. 💜Hazō stood, looking hesitantly between the neutral-faced Asuma, Hidan's retreating back, and the clearly pissed-off Kakuzu.
HE'S SUCH A DORK 💜"Never been a tourist before. Where are we headed?"
"There's an art exhibit-"
"Boring."
"A winter festival with ice sculptures-"
"Lame."
Hazō searched his mind. "There's a good ramen shop near here?"
"That'll do,"
I love him so so much thank you for this aaaaaaaaaaa"Always a good thing to keep in mind: pleasures of the flesh never get old. Say, I heard you were makin' some strides towards real equality in this town. Lord Jashin likes that. He thinks everyone's equal, man or woman, ninja or civilian. Can I buy men in this town's whorehouses yet?"
"I… I'm afraid I don't know."
"Shame," Hidan said. "Sounds like you ain't usin' your money well. Don't worry, I'll check."
Right? That's what I've been carefully-not-saying-out-loud!"No temple!? No massacres!? Sage's blood, you don't even have a convert? What have you been doing these past two years?"
Oh hells yeah, I don't care if it's true lore or not that's badass."You swear by the Sage?" Hazō asked mildly. Hidan was… a surprisingly good conversationalist. He let Hazō push back against his questions and control the flow of conversation here and there. With the bulk of his recent S-ranker exposure coming from Orochimaru, it was a disturbingly pleasant change of pace.
"Lord Jashin's the only one that made the bearded bastard bleed," Hidan said with a wink. "Gotta commemorate great feats, y'know? None of the others got a scratch on the shit.
But daaaaaad.Hidan shook his head morosely. "They don't count. If it can't suffer, it ain't worth puttin' out of its misery, y'know?"
"I'm pretty sure the Hyena could suffer," Hazō said. "Creatures on the Seventh Path have intelligence."
Hidan cocked his head. "Huh. I don't know whether that counts. Interestin' bit of theology, if it's smart but it ain't human. Killed, right? Not popped into smoke?"
Hazō nodded, trying his best to lean into the anger he felt at the Hyenas killing his allies when they were just trying to get to the Conclave. "Ripped its damn lungs out, Hidan. It's dead."
"Well, it don't matter," Hidan said. "I'd bet you're behind on your quota!
We're taking notes, we're taking notes"What do you mean, balance my tally?"
"Lord Jashin's all about balance!" Hidan said
That's an interesting two-step program. I wonder how he got taken in by Pain. Did he hope that all chakra would be sacrificed to Jashin?"Hidan, you didn't exactly give me any scripture to go by. Lord Jashin may be guiding me, but I don't know what I should be doing to worship or spread the message."
"There's two things you gotta do," Hidan said. "One: slaughter people in his name. No chakra beasts, no clones, no wishy-washy 'oh but I technically was responsible for his death if you look at it this way'. Actual, real slaughter. Two: convince other people to do the same.
Taking notes for my cult that for legal reasons does not actually exist even though I already have convertsIt's easy enough because people like a god that gives back. Build a temple, give some sermons, sacrifice a couple virgins, and they come flockin' in."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaa I love him so much, you make him so goodYeah. If you're really Lord Jashin's chosen, I bet he's just itchin' to grant you his favors, but if you're not putting any money on your tab, how's he gonna pay for your drinks?
Hidan... you have a weird mind."Yeah, a dream," Hidan said. "Usually they'll be weird and cryptic, but easy to remember. Like a peaceful day under the sunshine and a blood-red moon, or a world of floatin' islands in endless darkness connected only by bridges of bone, or people poppin' into existence from the end of your scythe and agin' backwards until they're babies again. Lord Jashin never does all the work for ya, you see? You gotta figure out what it means on your own. You clearly ain't seen one."
Huh. That's interesting. And might assuage some of Shikamaru's fears. Regardless of whether Jashin is real, the Jashin cult actively cuts down people claiming to receive knowledge from where it shouldn't come. Given the sheer size of Jashinism, that may come as a relief. And... that might even be part of the plan of a very involved Thinker clan?"Seems like an awful lot of trouble," Hazō said. "He doesn't just tell you what he wants?"
"He doesn't," Hidan said, suddenly dead serious. "If you meet someone claiming to hear the voice of a god in their head, you better kill them even more than usual. They cut out Lord Jashin's tongue. You'll never hear him speak."
Hmmmm. That has a nice ring to it. The Hagoromo will have a field day though.
He's downright cute. How did you do that?Hey you!" he said, pointing the scythe at one of the ninja watching their stroll from a rooftop. "Wanna join Hazō's cult of Jashin?"
Wait what
Dear Lord Hagoromo Ritsuo,They're all lying to themselves, Hazō. That's why you gotta be honest and actually rip out people's viscera when you feel the desire in your heart. Got it?"
"You never visit, you never write...""You were so enthusiastic about murdering your way through Rock's warhawks when we last met, but the warhawks survived and we still had a war that slowed down progress on Uplift."
"Ah, those guys!" Hidan said. "I snuck into Rock a few times for some killing. Got a couple hundred the first time. Only a few dozen the second. Then the numbers were lower."
"A couple hundred warhawks?" Hazō asked, incredulously.
"Just about," Hidan said. "I mean, they all hated Leaf, and they tried to kill me when they didn't even know me! Bet they would'a gone to war with you too. And before you ask why I didn't start with the Tsuchikage, you tell me how you get to the middle of a dumpling without biting into the dough? And hey, not everyone in Akatsuki's had the chance to kill a Kage. Figured I'd savor the build-up."
Did he just idly reveal one of his fatal weaknesses? Okay that's a ridiculous one, but still. Huh. He likes us that much."Killed a bunch. They got better at defending. Figured I'd wear 'em down over time 'cuz they'd have nothing to actually kill me. Turns out the Dust Release didn't end with Ōnoki, so then I had to be real careful.
Oh we could be married to Hidan by extension... OMNICULE GOHazō followed in Hidan's footsteps as the madman took to Leaf's rooftops headed east.
"Speaking of which," Hazō said, "did you hear about the S-rank mission I was recently assigned?"
o-o-o"That's some crazy shit," Hidan said as they scaled Leaf's outermost wall. "Dragons, huh? Makes me wish I was a summoner so I could go out there and sacrifice one to Lord Jashin. Maybe I'll massacre a few towns extra and pray real hard so the Lord can point me to a scroll."
Eep."Great, it was probably Mist then. We went lookin' but never found a sign of it. We'll shake 'em down more thoroughly now that we have the chance. Maybe thinkin' 'bout that and the Great Seal will let Sasori chill from the grind for a bit."
Hazō tucked away the confirmation that Sasori was working on a big project.
Wait, is Sasori the lil' twink? Or Deidara perhapsThat Mori girl talked to sharkboy and the lil' twink at AMITY, I think.
Oh shit."Well, here you go," Hazō said. "Concrete progress towards Uplift. Between this and chakra beast exterminations all over Fire Country, we're projecting a massive boom in births. That'll make Jashin happy, right?"
Hidan grinned. "Lord Jashin is very pleased with you," he said. "You've done such a great job of preparing all these sacrifices."
Shit. Oh that sucks."That's the plan, and it's workin' out well. I ain't complainin' about how things are goin'. Nah, the issue is that you've been slacking on satisfyin' sacraments. If you want to be Lord Jashin's proper chosen, you're gonna have to get your sacrifice numbers up. Go ahead and kill 'em. Remember what I taught you."
My only thought that could help is that one thing that made Hidan decide that we were Jashin's chosen was when we did all we can to actually Not Sacrifice the people of Bababakuchioka."You don't want to be Lord Jashin's chosen?" For the first time, Hazō heard danger in Hidan's voice. "You think he picked wrong?"
Don't get me wrong I hate this with all my being, but... what if it works?Hidan sighed, pulling his scythe off his shoulders and giving it a couple test swings. "Look, kid. Lord Jashin likes your Uplift idea. He likes you a lot, and wants to make Uplift happen. Makes sense he'd choose you for that – it ain't up my alley. But unless you give him the room to put his finger on the scales, he ain't gonna help you out. I'm sure he's fine with you doin' all the work, but you're gonna need guidance and strength to get it done. Unless you're fool enough to renounce Lord Jashin's blessing.
I worry Hidan would think we take Jashinism too lightly; perhaps a wording like "we began Uplift before acknowledging Jashin's existence; with His blessing it would definitely go much smoother. We want his blessing, and we'll earn it. But not like this."This passage at the end of the chapter where Hidan explains his stance seems important:
[X] I'll Do It My Way
- We'd do uplift without Jashin's blessing if we had to, but Jashin's blessing would obviously be a big help.
- Our pickiness means we'll probably never kill as many people has Hidan does, and that's ok. We're different people, and can serve Jashin through different means.
I'm by no means the best wordsmith, would you like to take a crack at it?I worry Hidan would think we take Jashinism too lightly; perhaps a wording like "we began Uplift before acknowledging Jashin's existence; with His blessing it would definitely go much smoother. We want his blessing, and we'll earn it. But not like this."
I'd be interested in fleshing out this "through different means" idea; I like the duality of Hidan being Jashin's face of death, while we could be His face of life. It could be an honest question to ask, and if providing more births is another legit way to get Jashin coins then Hidan shouldn't spit on it. We can kill and encourage births... which Hidan also does, in his own way at o-uzu. Just that we want to do it World-scaled.
Note that you do not have that. So far as Hazō knows, Asuma is the only living person to know the Elemental Mastery jutsu. Hazō definitely doesn't.Letting Hidan know that we have control of a repeat-use weapon of mass destruction seems like it is inevitably going to go terribly wrong. Hidan will either eventually demand we use it or leak knowledge of its existence through his complete lack of concern over secrecy. It will just be a repeat of the current trolley problem with vastly greater stakes.
PONWOG, would it be within the realm of a Declare that Akane wrote down all the jutsu she knew for the Goketsu Vault, and that Hazou traced over the notes (thus recording the jutsu notes into his Iron Nerve?)Note that you do not have that. So far as Hazō knows, Asuma is the only living person to know the Elemental Mastery jutsu. Hazō definitely doesn't.
But we know it exists and how to reverse engineer something like it, with seals it'd be pretty trivial. If we wanted to, we could probably run empirical tests on different components of what the EM actually did in the process of causing the nuke (like drastically lower the temperature for one), and find out if we can replicate the outcome. Plus there's the Asuma-hacked version that cannot cause a nuke, so by reverse-engineering what that's missing we could make a reasonable guess at what it was that caused the boom.Note that you do not have that. So far as Hazō knows, Asuma is the only living person to know the Elemental Mastery jutsu. Hazō definitely doesn't.
Asuma would know the fact via mindwalk and DEFINITELY order Hazou to destroy said notes.PONWOG, would it be within the realm of a Declare that Akane wrote down all the jutsu she knew for the Goketsu Vault, and that Hazou traced over the notes (thus recording the jutsu notes into his Iron Nerve?)
Admission: This is a transparent attempt to ensure the Goketsu still have secret access EM, or at least the jutsu that Asuma taught Akane.
[x] Action Plan: Jashin Take the Wheel
- Mindset: Prepare yourself to slaughter these people.
- Your theological arguments won't work if Hidan thinks they're a rationalization. You can't deceive him. If you want to avoid a massacre, you need to be genuinely willing to commit it.
- Put on extreme-utilitarian glasses. Recognize these people's global unimportance compared to your agenda. Imagine Akane's killers in their place. Commit to resurrect them. Recall how much of the world's brokenness stems from people's own choices; everyone, including those villagers, is complicit. Dip into Out to see them as meatsacks. Whatever works.
- If your ploy fails? Yup, go slaughter them.
- Thus resolved, start a theological argument. Not because you want to save these people; let go of that desire. Do it because you think Hidan is failing Jashin.
- He said Jashin's all about balance. The world is not in balance. Humanity is projected to go extinct within the century, and then there'd be no more birth nor deaths, just the suffering-incapable beasts.
- Hidan's unaimed slaughters are a contributing factor. Those buffets may please Jashin short-term, but they're like eating the seeds while the whole crop's failing. What needs killing are the weeds threatening civilization: those defecting against it, the warhawks, monstrosities like the Dragons.
- Why else'd Jashin chosen Hazou, whose ideology is as far from Hidan's modus operandi as it gets? Why'd he favour Hazou so blatantly it made Shikamaru freak out?
- If Jashin governs life and death — well, Hidan fills the High Priest of Death slot's pretty well. But his Life counterpart seems missing. Your spot, maybe?
- Which's all just speculation, of course. Hidan refused to explain the metaphysics; but you're refusing to do things just on his say-so.
- If Hidan's just being an essie and wants to make you kill people for funsies, all the talk of "Jashin" a rationalization? Okay, that tracks.
- If Hidan wants to actually serve Jashin? He better convince you this slaughter is net-beneficial.
- Play it by ear from there.
- Don't resurrect your desire to save these people; don't rationalize reasons why Jashin won't want this slaughter.
- Genuinely determine whether it's what benefits Jashin. Accept whatever conclusion emerges.
- Dip into Out to have better insight into alien mentality.
Kudos to Zerovirus on Discord for the core idea.
Oh no. Anyway.Hazo killing people wouldn't be good for his reptuation. The fallout would be tremendous, especially the damage to Goketsu's reputation.
In my opinion, it would fall under "Goketsu Clan Secrets," which she succeeded her Resolve Check against. But if not EM, then maybe the other jutsu that she knew (including Basan's Glide and the rest).Asuma would know the fact via mindwalk and DEFINITELY order Hazou to destroy said notes.