MrRobot
In doubt there's always the Sun!
Remember to look if the aburames don't have an monopoly over it before trying to sell it.
Hazõ actually like shino i think.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rational rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Hazõ actually like shino i think.
[X] Earthshape diamonds/amber/gems/table salt into lenses and prisms. And get to measuring colors and the speed of light already Fizeau–Foucault apparatus - Wikipedia, I wanna make sure these ninja aren't 20 cm tall shrimp mantis descendants.
The only problem is that Hazou would have to understand optics to make a lens, and he doesn't, at all. That's probably months of research, if he can figure it out at all.
Historically, eyeglasses existed for 400 years before the theory to describe them came about. So I don't have high hopes on that front. But maybe a chat with Aburame lens grinders would be enough to get him started.
They living in 1000 AD Japan, not 1800 AD England, the manufacturing capability to make mechanical devices like that does not exist.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
I think the main difference in Hazou's case is the tech already exists and he's just copying it. Also, he can produce new lenses pretty much instantly when he's experimenting, rather than spending a whole day cooking glass to make another prototype
Chapter 550, Part 2: Thirty Minutes to Live
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"A is for Aura Disperser… B is for Bonesaw…"
After an afternoon of desperate medical training that made last-minute Academy exam cramming look like a day spent lounging in bed, Hazō was finally out of time. He'd been let into the compound by a harried-looking Kabuto, who'd paused only long enough on his way out to direct Hazō to Specimen Storage B in the Basement and mutter something he probably meant to be reassuring about the first time being the worst. Hazō could only hope that Orochimaru's intentions for him were on the innocent side, like being forced to hold down a psychotic octocat while Orochimaru trimmed its claws.
The Basement was different now. When Hazō had come here as part of the investigation team with Naruto, it had been filled with the ominous, oppressive air of impending doom—amorphous, nameless, dormant but never dead. Not anymore. The omens had come true. The doom was no longer impending. There were no octocats prowling the corridors, but the death they once carried on the tips of their tentacles was now soaked into the walls. If Hazō so much as reached out to steady himself against one, the accumulated despair that had painted itself into the grey stone would surely pour down his arm and into his soul, and then his body might eventually leave, but he never would.
With its master returned, the Basement had regained its true form.
"Why are you wearing your normal clothes?"
Orochimaru himself, of course, wasn't remotely affected by the Basement's soulcrushing aura. Lack of soul might have had something to do with that. As Hazō gingerly entered the room, the architect of it all stared at him in innocent puzzlement, himself clad not in a labcoat, but in a wide leather apron of indeterminate colour which had probably once been brown and now was best left unexamined.
"Well," Orochimaru decided, "it is no concern of mine. The world will only benefit from one less of Jiraiya's garish ensembles."
He returned his attention to the objects in front of him: three gurneys of a pale wood that Hazō hadn't seen in Fire, each bearing a figure covered with a grey sheet from the neck down.
Hazō had a very bad feeling about what it was Orochimaru had called him here to assist with.
The boy on the left was roughly Hazō's age, with short, carrot-top hair and milky white eyes that stared unseeing at the ceiling. The bald man in the middle, lying with eyes closed, didn't have anything wrong with him at first sight, but any ninja that age was either a jōnin or long since off the roster. The woman on the right…
Hazō's heart stopped. What was she doing here? It made no sense for her to be here. Why hadn't he heard? Why hadn't he been given a chance to do something?
Orochimaru traced Hazō's gaze, locked helplessly on the victim in front of him.
"Hmm? Subject 1374? Why not, I suppose. The process should have run its course by now. Take it and follow me to the anthropotomy chamber."
Hazō couldn't move. She was still alive. She could still be saved. Wasn't there anything, anything he could do?
"All my subjects are lawfully sourced and here by consent," Orochimaru said impatiently. "If you do not have the stomach, leave. Better no assistant than one I cannot rely on."
Hazō was frozen in place. He needed answers, answers only Orochimaru might be willing to give him. Worse, if he left now, Orochimaru would lose whatever little respect he might have for him, and that threatened their future cooperation against the Dragons. He wanted to go, to be anywhere but in this space soaked in the aura of cold death. But he had a responsibility.
Still, some things were too cruel.
Lord Orochimaru, would you mind choosing someone else instead?
But that wasn't something Hazō was allowed to say. It was one thing for Orochimaru, to whom all three must have willingly given themselves, to decide their fates. Hazō didn't get to condemn a stranger to a torturous death just to spare himself some suffering.
Hazō shook his head, not trusting himself to speak, and walked over, measured step by measured step, to the head end of the gurney. He placed his hands on the handles.
There was no sign of recognition in Noda Kaiyo's eyes as she looked up at him.
Step after step. Mechanical. Regular. Reliable. The Iron Nerve had no feelings that could be shaken, no morality to challenge Hazō's own. It simply obeyed.
Just like Hazō simply obeyed.
If only he'd adopted her. And left a different body to lie under the sheet? If only he'd made the Final Gift Programme not exist. And found a different way to placate Orochimaru forever? If only he'd been able to destroy Orochimaru instead of just blackmailing him into "good behaviour". Do not even think the thought here. Orochimaru has other gurneys.
The horror came only with a dual blade of hypocrisy. What right did Hazō have to feel anything when he had not felt those things for Orochimaru's other victims, month after month after month, playing board games and going on dates while this was going on under his nose?
And go on it would. Hazō didn't have the power to stop Orochimaru. He didn't even have the will, not for as long as Orochimaru was necessary to save the world. Not for as long as this was the lesser evil.
They were set up and ready to operate before Hazō realised it.
"Remove the sheet and place it in the combustibles box in the corner."
At least one question was answered as Hazō did. Noda's left leg was missing, removed at the thigh with a crisp diagonal cut, likely from ninjutsu rather than a blade. There must have been a Fire user on the scene, or she'd have bled out in seconds.
Hazō suddenly realised where he was looking on a naked adult woman and hastily turned away. It was too late to talk about Noda being afforded dignity, but he intended to salvage whatever of his principles he could.
There were three flashes of light behind him—red, yellow, green—and a series of chords like a dirge being played by a string instrument. Orochimaru gave a satisfied "hmm".
"Cleansing pomander," he said.
Pomander, pomander… What in blazes was a pomander?
Oh, right.
After altogether too many seconds, Hazō found the fist-sized silver sphere on a nearby tray and offered it to Orochimaru by the attached chain.
"Lit, you fool."
Hazō scrabbled for a tinderbox, and after several attempts (the Iron Nerve wouldn't calm his trembling hands here—the tinderbox was longer and narrower than any he'd used before), he lit the pomander and closed it up again. A faint smell of incense began to permeate the room.
Orochimaru flipped one of several hourglasses on a counter next to him as he began waving the pomander over Noda's body in a deliberate pattern. Her eyes moved to follow it.
"You may ask your questions."
Right. Questions. The thing he was here for. His mind wasn't at its clearest now, but the questions were a list. Hazō, even at his worst, was a master of lists.
"Could you tell me about Akatsuki, Lord Orochimaru? What was their true goal?"
Orochimaru's lips twisted in disgust. "A violation of free will on an untold scale, fuelled by the extraordinary delusion that mutual understanding begets peace, and a slavish faith in the Sage of Six Paths despite knowing more about his failures than any in history."
"Could you be more specific?" Hazō asked. "What was the purpose of the ritual?"
"That need not concern you," Orochimaru said. "It will not be possible to replicate it for another millennium."
Orochimaru turned back to Noda sharply. Hazō still wasn't looking in her direction where possible, but he heard a series of retching sounds, and a "tsk" from Orochimaru.
After a moment, Orochimaru handed him something that looked like an oversized white slug in a pool of clear liquid.
"The scrolls on the third shelf are for secure storage. Place the chakralyte in the metal box, close it securely, and reseal. Quickly, now."
Hazō hurriedly reached out for a storage scroll with his non-slug hand—
Hazō: Alertness 33 - 4 = 29 vs TN ??
Hazō notices the warning signs in time.
Hazō: Athletics 40 - 3 = 37 vs TN ??
Hazō fails to get out of the way.
Hazō: Physique 29 - 9 = 20 vs TN ??
Hazō shrugs off the effect.
Hazō notices the warning signs in time.
Hazō: Athletics 40 - 3 = 37 vs TN ??
Hazō fails to get out of the way.
Hazō: Physique 29 - 9 = 20 vs TN ??
Hazō shrugs off the effect.
Feeling the slug suddenly expand in his hand, he nearly did the stupidest thing imaginable and threw it away from himself (and towards Orochimaru, Noda, or shelves full of alchemical reagents), but fortunately he was too slow.
The blast covered his haori and his undershirt in vile-smelling yellow paste, far more than the slug should have contained.
Orochimaru gave another "tsk".
"Remove the affected clothing and place it in the box. Quickly, before it soaks into your skin."
Hazō had never undressed faster in his life.
A second later, his clothes were safely inside an armoured container oddly reminiscent of Jūchi Yosamu's and the container was safely in another dimension until such time as Orochimaru saw fit to retrieve it and examine the horrors within. The skin on Hazō's chest tingled uncomfortably, but the feeling disappeared over the next few minutes.
"What about the Five?" Hazō asked. "Could you tell me about them?"
Orochimaru looked at him as if he was an idiot.
"You have Mori as your stepsister and your fiancée, and you are asking me about the Five?"
Duly noted. Wait, what?
Hazō suspected "They're refusing to share their secrets, so you please tell me instead" would not be a good follow-up.
"OK… What about Pain? How did he get his Sage-like powers?"
Orochimaru abruptly turned to face him full-on.
"Look into my eyes, nephew."
Oh, hell.
Hazō had suspected that if he asked the wrong enough thing, there could be a price higher than simply annoying Orochimaru. He just hadn't imagined it would be that easy.
There was nowhere to run. Orochimaru didn't need eye contact to destroy Hazō in any number of ways.
Hazō simply obeyed.
Orochimaru's eyes were yellow. Serpentine. In the bright seallight of the anthropotomy chamber, the pupils were vertical and narrow. There was no warmth in them, no recognition of shared humanity, nor even any real interest. The Hazō reflected in them was a stunted, pitiful creature, scrabbling for shiny pebbles in the dirt while self-made chains of morality, responsibility, and above all lack of imagination made sure he'd never look higher than his feet.
"Do you see the Rinnegan?"
"No… I don't."
Orochimaru turned back to Noda, who suddenly began to struggle against the bonds on her wrists and ankle.
"Hypnodisc extract, brown bottle, second shelf."
Hazō tried to hand him the bottle, but Orochimaru didn't take it.
"One drop into the mouth every five seconds for thirty seconds."
Hazō, still unable to believe he was doing this, was about to ask how he was supposed to get Noda to open her mouth (and why wasn't she saying anything? Surely nobody could be silent at this), but Orochimaru looked into her eyes, and whatever she saw there, it made her open it at once.
Hazō moved to stand over her head. He began to count in his head.
"What was the thing Pain summoned to resurrect the other Akatsuki?" he asked.
"The so-called King of Hell?" Orochimaru clarified without looking away from the seals he was placing on Noda's abdomen. "A dramatised misnomer. Even the Sage was not so foolish as to attempt to summon the King of Hell bodily to the Human Path, much less to save a handful of minions. It would be like inviting Tsunade into my home just to… No, in fact it would be like inviting Tsunade into my home. No elaboration is necessary."
Hazō could have laughed, if it had been possible to laugh as Noda's struggles grew weaker with every drop.
"So what was it?" Hazō pressed.
"No. 5 bonesaw."
"What? Oh."
5 was one of the smaller ones, right? Or was it counted from the other end?
Orochimaru accepted the small, fine-toothed saw without comment.
"A marketplace, I suspect, or perhaps a disposal chute. Pain was ever circumspect about the nature of his powers."
Hazō looked away as Orochimaru leaned over Noda's chest and began to saw, pausing periodically to glance at the pulsating glow of the seals.
"Do you know what Pain's bird summon was?"
"To call that creature a summon is to disgrace the profession of summoner," Orochimaru snapped. "I can only assume that it was for some twisted kind of completionism that the Sage, creator of the Summon Realm, should have seen fit to so debase himself."
The topic was annoying Orochimaru. Time to back off.
"Rosewood wand, crown-tipped."
Noda whimpered.
Hazō passed Orochimaru the wand.
"Wh-What about the three Tailed Beasts Pain had time to… process?" Hazō asked. "Are they dead? Perma-dead? Or have they already reformed and we just don't know where?"
"It was not Pain's intent that mankind ever see the Tailed Beasts again," Orochimaru muttered as whatever he was doing to Noda's chest made a horrible wet sound. "With the ritual interrupted, it is impossible to say whether that intent will be fulfilled, but he was not a man to give up until the final moment."
"I see," Hazō said.
Noda gave another whimper. Hazō felt a flicker of anger at the universe to add to the horror. All of this was happening because Noda had succeeded—because the lonely, self-isolating woman had broken free of the trap of alcoholism and trauma, at least enough to find someone she believed was worth dying for. If she'd only stayed the way she was before, there would have been no need for her to sign up to the FGP, and then… and then…
"Tweezers."
Hazō passed Orochimaru the tweezers.
"Could you tell me about the other Paths?" Something completely unrelated to this. "How many are there? How are they connected? What is known about them?"
Orochimaru didn't look up. "Ask something else."
…Right, then.
"Is the Great Library real?"
Orochimaru looked up this time. "Nephew, you have met the summon clans. Are you under any illusion that several of them could work together for an extended period of time when spurred by any concern lesser than total annihilation?"
In Hazō's mind, the glacial pace of the Conclave brought into question whether even that was enough.
"Point taken," he said. "What about Ninshu?"
"Ninshu?" Orochimaru asked. "Where did you even hear that word?"
"I…" Where did Hazō hear that word? He'd definitely put it on the list of things to ask about, but amidst all the unexpected stress of the afternoon, he could no longer remember why.
"I have no idea."
Orochimaru straightened. He put the bonesaw aside. "Are you mocking me, boy?"
Hazō felt a terrible cold chill, not helped by being able to see what Orochimaru had been in the middle of doing to Noda. How could any human being still be alive in the middle of that?
"No, Lord Orochimaru! I misspoke! Please forgive my impertinence!"
There was still sand in the hourglass, but Hazō could feel that he was running out of time. He had to get through at least the important stuff before Orochimaru's patience ran out.
"Jōnin auras!" Hazō exclaimed. "You're probably the world's greatest expert on chakra and biology now—do you know what jōnin auras are and how they work?"
This conversation had better never get back to Tsunade.
"Jōnin auras?" Orochimaru repeated. "Oh, you must be referring to the conscious aetheric stimulation of the oracular node for temporary harmonic alignment of the full tertiary chakra network, combined with a forced resonance effect. I thought you were here for ancient lore, not to waste my time on something so simple."
"Right," Hazō agreed. With enough research, he'd surely be able to figure out what at least half of those words meant without having to push his luck further with Orochimaru. "What I really want to know is about the tenfold abomination. Do you know what it was?"
Orochimaru frowned. "How can you possibly know about the Five, yet not about the tenfold abomination?"
"Are they connected?"
"The tenfold abomination," Orochimaru said with the air of one despairing at the stupidity of all around him, "was a primordial being variously said to be the incarnation of malice, the soul of magic, and the kami's final punishment for mankind's hubris. It was the nemesis of the Sage of Six Paths, and he and his companions devoted most of their lives to its defeat. This much is common knowledge to any scholar of the arcane."
"The Sage created the Dragons to battle against it, didn't he?" Hazō asked. "Can you tell me anything about them?"
"Me?" Orochimaru asked. "Tell you about Dragons?"
"Um."
"Nephew, I am rapidly losing patience. Make your remaining questions brief."
Hazō hastened to obey.
"Are the Watchers real?"
"I believe so."
"What happened to Whirlpool?"
"The same thing that happens to all naïve fools who believe that learning is the key to mankind's salvation."
"Specifically?"
"They discovered that mankind did not wish to be saved, and left to seek a place where they could simply study in peace."
"Have you ever heard of Hidden Depths?"
"Is this a jest?"
"I mean the ninja village."
"No."
"What's up with Bear?"
"Do not go to Bear."
"What are summoning scrolls?"
"I have nothing to add to what you should already know as a summoner."
"What are chakra golems?"
"I have not heard the term before."
"Do you know of any chakra-dense locations like the Swamp of Death?"
"Several. Of those relatively accessible, there are the Crags of Doom in Mountain, the Caverns of Mild Peril in Honey, the Forbidden Dungeon on Crimson State Island, Mount Certain Death to Any Fool Who Dares Approach in Snow, and the Travelling Island in the Nanmen Ocean."
"Do you believe that the Sage and his brother used technique hacking and medical ninjutsu to create Bloodline Limits?"
"If I did, I would not have invested so much time in biosealing."
"Does 'the Nameless Fear' sound familiar?"
"Yes."
There was a low, mournful tone from one of Orochimaru's seals. Noda twitched.
"You may leave now. You would only be underfoot for the next part."
If Hazō could ask just one last question…
"Is Jashin real?"
"You already asked about that," Orochimaru said. "Now leave."
"One more thing!" Hazō remembered. "Lord Orochimaru, thank you very much for your kind offer, but I've decided I would prefer not to have a bioseal."
"Cowardice and ambition are incompatible, nephew," Orochimaru told him, then put down the tweezers and began to reach inside Noda's exposed chest cavity with his bare hand.
Even though Hazō was the one who got to leave that room alive, he felt as if it was his heart, not hers, being squeezed with a merciless, icy hand.
-o-
You have received 4 + 1 (Brevity) + 1 (Fun-to-write) = 6 XP.
-o-
Voting is closed until @Paperclipped's upcoming update.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
You were free to suggest them in the cycle that it was relevant, yet you did not.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Orochimaru: "You know some very dangerous things, and also lack some basic foundational knowledge. The fuck, nephew?"
Hazou: "My repository of Forbidden Lore is a patchwork quilt made from the mad ramblings of a dimensionally displaced uncle, a Mori who has let stuff slip out on occasion, a Nara who is pointed in what questions he doesn't ask, and a blood-drunk priest."
Orochimaru: "Dimensionally displaced you say? I will need to study his microbiome. You will present him to me by sunset tomorrow."
Hazou: "My repository of Forbidden Lore is a patchwork quilt made from the mad ramblings of a dimensionally displaced uncle, a Mori who has let stuff slip out on occasion, a Nara who is pointed in what questions he doesn't ask, and a blood-drunk priest."
Orochimaru: "Dimensionally displaced you say? I will need to study his microbiome. You will present him to me by sunset tomorrow."
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I hope we would do better next time.
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This is unproductive and unkind. We're all doing the best we can at any given time. You were present during voting and didn't make any suggestions.
This went fine: we didn't make full use of the opportunity but we were dissecting someone so no surprises there. We learned some stuff.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
You were free to suggest more questions. You did not. Don't whine about the results if you're not willing to contribute to the effort.
This seems interesting? Unless we have asked Oro about this in the past, or I otherwise missed something in this update.
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
One of my partners works in veterinary medicine: if you want a second opinion or explanation for anything, please let me know and I'll make it happen.
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Thank you!
I am only expressing my hope we do better next time, because this is a team effort.
I also made criticism/critique of these questions afterward on the mistaken assumption that we might be given the chance to resubmit.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
HAZOU: *asks question*
OROCHIMARU: You don't know? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: *asks question*
OROCHIMARU: You think I would know? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: *asks question*
OROCHIMARU: You think I would tell you? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: What do you consider a *good* question, then?
OROCHIMARU: Only the one you just now asked, more or less.
OROCHIMARU: You don't know? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: *asks question*
OROCHIMARU: You think I would know? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: *asks question*
OROCHIMARU: You think I would tell you? Are you dumb?
HAZOU: What do you consider a *good* question, then?
OROCHIMARU: Only the one you just now asked, more or less.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
Fortunately, Hazou doesn't know that part. He just thinks Kagome has access to some crazy amount of deep lore, of which some or all may be fully or partially true.
Alright guys, what question do you think Orochimaru considered as already asking about Jashin? Something from this update? Something from a past encounter?
Noted.
This may have just revealed to Orochimaru that we have reason to believe the Sage had a brother, more than just the 'companions' that Oro mentioned above.
Spooky. If this is the advice of not just traveling merchants but even a Sannin, it must be quite something. And yet, it's not listed under his 'chakra dense locations'. I kinda want to go there.
Odd that he doesn't know, given that even Itachi knew about Jiraiya's run-in with one. Maybe it's like the Jounin Aura thing, and Orochimaru simply uses different terminology to describe it.
He speaks as if he knows for certain, but this could just as easily be presumption based on his own outlook on the world.
Notably, this means that he has not encountered proof of their existence.
And just in case anyone's curious, we heard the word in wedding rites. I can't remember whether it was Kei's wedding or Noburi's wedding (Noburi's wedding also notably featured a bunch of Old God symbols, I think including Jashin's, sewn on a cloak or something as per Isanese traditions), but that's where we've heard the word.
And now, Hazou has sound reason to believe it's something significant.
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- Location
- Yes.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
@Paperclipped I NEED THAT WHOLESOME INO SCENE STAT
- Location
- Yes.
[X] Hazou tries to explain that Orochimaru thinks that we're engaged to Ami, but rolls a nat 1 and instead says that we're engaged to Ami