MrRobot
In doubt there's always the Sun!
Fair Hazõ and Kaguya share some similarities like the fact they can be pretty stupid despite being a supposed genius and.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
The fact that Honoka calls Noburi "Uncle" is adorable.
Shizune has not made an appearance in a long time. Looking through some past chapters.
Was this deal renegotiated? Ends around September. Began shortly after Noburi's wedding. Has Harumitsu been getting daily training?
- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
This probably didn't help Kei's crush on Hazou (or Snowflake's crush on Hazou, for that matter).
Good >:3
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Definitely not, we had to delay whenever Hazou went on the quest to find Arachnid, and then he was bedridden for a few weeks. After that, he's been largely teaching Harumitsu concurrently with the Great Seal collaboration from what we've seen, though he does private lessons too. I suspect though that Hazou will probably keep mentoring him even after the year is up. The Hagoromo might even want Hazou to end the mentorship according to the timeline of the deal so he stops influencing Harumitsu.
- Location
- Yes.
That would require them to have the long-term planning skills to realize Harumitsu could very easily become a threat to their status quo with our aid.
Trusting Asuma would step in if the deal was not being upheld. Hagoromo has not complained, unless he is keeping it in reserve for later. But we will have too much leverage and good will after killing more Dragons to be skewered by technicalities. Well, not technicalities. The opposite of technicalities.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
We got them to complain about us taking Harumitsu out on missions so now they don't get to complain about us going out on missions and not being able to train him. That's definitely what the intention was there.
ShikakuIntensifies.jpeg
Chapter 512: Aftermaths and Arachnid Anticipation
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"All right," Mari said, looking at Hazō's face as she joined him at the breakfast table. "How many bodies do we need to dispose of?"
It was the following morning. That night, the family had eaten Kagome-sensei's Unidentifiable Medium-Size Rodent Stew (Identifiable Rodent Version) in dead silence. After taking the dishes to the kitchen, Kagome-sensei had slunk off in shame before Hazō could speak to him, and Akane had waved off his concern with a heart-breaking little smile. By the time Hazō came back, Noburi and Yuno had disappeared. Nothing had been resolved. Now, it was time for Hazō to make up for his failure as clan head last night, and start setting things right with the aid of the most powerful tool at his disposal.
"No casualties yet," Hazō said, "though there's more than one person I feel like strangling. Mari, could I borrow you for the morning to help me untangle the latest fiasco?"
"I was just thinking that wrapping Leaf's richest men and women around my little finger last night was too easy," Mari agreed. "So what did Kei do this time?"
"Failed to give advance warning of a sensitive situation," Hazō said, impressed by the uncanny guess, "but she's not actually the villain of the piece. That would be Kagome-sensei."
"And yet no casualties," Mari mused. "How times change."
"Apparently, the surprise mystery guest of the evening was Kei's new girlfriend," Hazō said.
"Another one?" Mari opened her eyes wide in fake shock. "Where does she keep getting them? And how?"
In a more even voice, she added, "Anyone we know?"
"Fujisawa Miyuki, a friend of Yuno's," Hazō said. "At least, I hope she's still a friend of Yuno's."
"And Kagome mortally offended her," Mari concluded.
"Sort of," Hazō said. "Fujisawa doesn't talk, like Tenten, but she doesn't do the whole body language thing. Instead, she writes things down in a notebook, with these cute little illustrations which she manages to draw weirdly fast."
"No, seriously," Mari asked, "where does she keep getting these people? I've made a study of Leaf's lesbian dating pool—for purely academic purposes—and I promise you, it is not full of uniquely weird young women with a thing for asocial introverts with devastating self-image issues. If it was, I might've been tempted to send a couple her way and see what happens."
Hazō raised an eyebrow in disapproval.
"I kid, I kid. Let me guess, Kagome saw this notebook business and instantly asked her why she wasn't talking, because that's what you do when you meet somebody with a disability that was most likely caused by torture or intense mental trauma."
"Oh, right," Hazō remembered. "She can't do facial expressions either. She obviously has feelings, same as the rest of us—Kagome-sensei couldn't have offended her otherwise—but they don't seem to show on her face."
Mari winced. "Yeah, that happens. Definitely torture or trauma, then, not some weird chakra disease. So my guess was on the mark, then?"
Hazō nodded. "Then Kei got angry, Akane tried to smooth things over but ended up triggering her own stuff, Noburi and Yuno were of no help whatsoever, and before I knew it, Fujisawa made her excuses and left. It was horrible."
Mari got up and walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. This kind of thing happens. When you're in charge of a group of people, it just isn't possible to make sure everybody's on their best behaviour all the time—at least unless you're very good at brainwashing, and even then you can't keep it going forever, trust me. Honestly, it's amazing that you're keeping this pack of crazies with our varied and exciting issues together as well as you are. If Jiraiya had picked me to be in charge of this whole mess, I can't promise I wouldn't have gone Itachi by now."
"So that's why Jiraiya dumped it on me instead of the responsible adult in the clan," Hazō said in a tone of dawning enlightenment. "Once we get him out from the land of the dead, I'm going to applaud his foresight, right after I'm done socking him in the jaw for abandoning his responsibilities by getting killed in the first place.
"Anyway, offending Fujisawa probably isn't the end of the world—if she's worth Kei's time, she'll be the kind of person who's ready to patch things up and try again—but we need to do something about Kagome-sensei in case next time he offends somebody we actually have to worry about. Think you're up to the challenge?"
"Does Kurohige hold a hand of five aces?"
"Then let's go find Kagome-sensei."
-o-
They found Kagome-sensei in his room, staring at a sealed scroll on his desk while writing down sealing calculations on a sheet of paper with the focused ferocity of a man challenging the Shinigami to speed shogi.
"Good morning, Kagome-sensei. What explosives are you researching today?"
"'Morning, Hazō, Mari," Kagome-sensei grunted. "Just trying to crack Tsu—Yoshida's latest locking seal. This one's a doozy. She's got me fighting to get through five levels of the primary sealed area before I can even start unlocking the secondary tetracyclics."
"Have you tried—"
"Don't!" Kagome-sensei interrupted. "There's no point if I don't beat her myself."
Hazō nodded. He wished he had a worthy rival of his own over whose impending defeats he could get so excited. Unfortunately, of those who'd try to claim the title, the fun of periodically crushing Lord Hagoromo was nearly outweighed by the unpleasantness of having to interact with Lord Hagoromo, Hazō had no intention of going anywhere near Rock Lee, and last he heard, Kurosawa Shin simply wasn't in the same weight class (he almost hoped Shin was second-in-command of the AMI by now, or equivalent, if only so that Hazō could finally stop pitying Team Downfall).
"Kagome-sensei," Hazō said, "would you mind if we talked about last night?"
Kagome-sensei turned away from the seal.
"I know," he muttered. "Dumb old Kagome puts his foot in it again. Our first time meeting Kei's new girlfriend, and now she hates us because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."
"We're not here to blame you, Kagome-sensei," Hazō said, mentally activating the Clear Communication Technique (which was incredibly cost-efficient as ninjutsu went, but couldn't be kept on all the time because of the penalty to conversation speed). "We just want to pin down the reasons why last night went wrong, and then figure out how to help you do better in the future. What's your perspective on what happened?"
Kagome-sensei shrugged. "I put my foot in my mouth. She went around writing in a notebook instead of talking like a normal person, and I wondered why she'd do something like that when it was obviously slower and harder, so I decided to ask. Only that was wrong for some reason, and I guess everybody knew that in advance except me, so everyone was shocked, and Fujisawa was hurt, and Kei was angry, and I ruined the night for you all. I'm sorry."
"The first step," Mari took over, "is understanding why she reacted that way, and why other people might react that way. Kagome, think of the most horrible time in your life. You don't have to say what it was; just pull it up in your mind's eye."
After a second, Kagome-sensei scowled.
"What would you do if some complete stranger started asking you questions about it?"
"I'd tell them it was none of their stinking business," Kagome-sensei said instantly. "Obviously, they'd be a doppelganger wanting to impersonate me better once they've assassinated and replaced me… but I know that, in Leaf, I'm not allowed to blow people up when they haven't done anything yet, so I'd skip that step and go warn the rest of the family."
"Right," Mari said. "I'm glad you remember that. But how would it make you feel?"
Kagome-sensei took a little longer to answer this time.
"I guess… I'd be angry with them for asking questions they've got no right to be asking, and I'd be upset about having to recall those memories for no good reason."
"Right," Mari said. "Now, suppose Fujisawa uses a notebook because something took away her ability to speak. Don't you think that whatever that was would be one of the worst memories of her life?"
"Oh," Kagome-sensei said in a low, horrified voice after a second. "And I went and asked her about it, just like that." His gaze drifted to the floor as his shoulders slumped.
"Everybody makes mistakes, Kagome-sensei," Hazō said. "We're not having this conversation because we want to tell you what a bad person you are. We're doing it because we want to help you get better. Because, the truth is, we're worried about you. More specifically, I'm worried about you. It's not long before you finish your summoning training, and then you have to go meet Kumokōgo—during my first meeting with her, twice a misspoken word nearly ended my life. I've done my best to get advice on Arachnid etiquette from her, and I'll give you my notes, but that's a double-edged sword. Between the notes and everything they'll expect me to have taught you, justly or unjustly, ignorance of Arachnid ways won't be an excuse for you the way it was for me. If you make a mistake like you did with Fujisawa, you might be killed."
Kagome-sensei swallowed. "I get that, but Hazō… I can't just turn around and be somebody who's good with words. I've never been good with words. I'm only becoming a summoner because you need all the sealing help you can get over there. You can tell me to be careful and polite and good at trying to figure out what a giant spider's thinking so I don't offend them, but…"
"Yeah," Hazō said, "I know. This is the part I was hoping for Mari's help with. Mari, you know what Kagome-sensei's strengths are. You know what his weaknesses are. Is there any way we can leverage one to help cope with the other, even a little bit? Like, is there anything you can do with cryptography training that'll make you better at not saying the wrong thing?"
Mari gave him a disbelieving look. "Hazō, I know I talk about social codes and people being ciphers, but it's not supposed to be taken literally. I don't know if there's any specialisation less relevant to social skills than cryptography."
"That's one of the reasons I took it," Kagome-sensei agreed. "No need to try and make any stinking idiots like you. Just you and your brain, solving the kind of hard puzzles that'd break one of those sneering peacocks in I&S. Uh, no offence, Mari."
She sighed. "None taken. I see we have a lot of work to do. Hazō, leave this with me. I'll see if I can come up with something in time for Kagome's trip to the Summon Realm."
"Great," Hazō said. "Oh, there's one more thing I wanted to run past you. You know how I've been trying to bond with Hagino Mareo, the elderly Bear Summoner?"
"Suddenly, I don't like where this is going," Mari said half-jokingly.
"It turns out he's suffering from wandering wits."
"I see," Mari said. The edge of amusement was gone from her voice. "And you want to what, trick him into something while his wits are away? That's doable, but bear in mind that, however easy it may sound—"
"No!" Hazō interrupted. "I want to deal with him in good faith. He seems like a nice old man, and I don't want to take advantage of his willingness to deal with me so I can stab him in the back. Also, the Bear Boss will kill me the second he thinks I'm taking advantage of his friend, and I'd like to avoid that."
"Then what?" Mari asked. "If you don't want to exploit somebody with wandering wits, and you're not responsible for caring for them, then the best thing you can do is stay away until you can catch them on a good day."
"I was wondering," Hazō said, "if the Yamanaka might have something to cure him, or at least make him better. A properly sane Bear Summoner, with the Bear Clan behind him, would be a massive asset in fighting the Dragons."
"You think you can cure wandering wits?" Mari's tone was the same utter disbelief with which she greeted roughly two thirds of his proposals, but her expression was compassionate, and a little sad. "Hazō, you may as well try to cure old age. Once someone's mind starts to unravel, it's never going to re-ravel again. If the Yamanaka had a fix for that, they'd be the richest clan in the world, because any ninja who's survived long enough to need it is going to be as rich as Kinzō—probably a clan elder or retired clan head."
Of course, nobody expected a clanless ninja to make it to old age. Could the KEI really fix something so easily taken for granted?
"You're sure?" Hazō asked.
"You can ask Ino if you like," Mari said, "but I've never heard of a cure like that, and if the Yamanaka had it, they'd have no reason to keep it secret—they can't possibly have enough senile ninja of their own to make it worth keeping as a clan secret technique instead of charging outsiders a daimyo's fortune for treatment. Of course, if they do have it and have been keeping it secret, asking about it isn't going to go well for you."
"Thanks, Mari," Hazō said, making a note to invent a senility-reversing seal once the Great Seal restoration and Project Necromancy were complete and he had the time to pursue his hobbies.
-o-
Hazō had yet to decide what to do about the other participants in last night's failure. He felt he could venture a solid guess as to why Yuno had reacted badly to Fujisawa, and why Noburi had frozen up in response, but if he didn't tread carefully, sticking his nose in someone else's complicated marriage risked getting that nose cut off by an evil-looking black axe with special grooves for the blood. Akane was… Akane. He needed to spend more time just being there for her, frankly, and maybe he'd figure out a way to help her more actively somewhere along the way. And as for Kei… Kei had, in fact, taken the initiative.
"Thank you for coming, Hazō," she said as he joined her in one of the more comfortable Nara discussion rooms (not the one with the waterfalls, sadly, but the spiralling mathematical equations carved into the wood of the walls had an appeal of their own). "I recognise that, under the circumstances, it would be more appropriate for me to come to you, but…"
...but Mari was back at the Gōketsu residence. Would these two ever patch things up, if only enough to tolerate each other's presence? Hazō felt the familiar impulse to fix whatever was broken in front of him, but for once he was confident without trying that his efforts would only make things worse.
"How's Fujisawa?" Hazō asked.
"Fine," Kei said. "It is not as if that was her first time being suddenly questioned about her impairment in what should have been a welcoming environment. Were circumstances different, I believe she would have weathered the blow and gradually regained her good cheer over the course of the evening. Unfortunately…"
Yeah. If Hazō had been faced with a shockingly rude Kagome-sensei, a hostile Yuno, a paralysed Noburi, a gloomy Akane, and a furious Kei, except most of them strangers he had no reason to give the benefit of the doubt, he might not have been comfortable sticking around either. In one sense, Kagome-sensei's behaviour had been a trigger, and in another, it had been an excuse.
Apparently, Hazō's comprehension was written on his face clearly enough that even Kei could read it.
"The entire incident, of course, is my fault," Kei went on. "Except insofar as it is Kagome's fault, but to condemn him for his hurtful incompetence is akin to blaming the winds for blowing too strongly. I am the one who, in my childish excitement to surprise my loved ones with good news, failed to perform my proper function of expecting and preparing for the worst-case scenario. If I had warned her about Kagome, and Kagome about her, then he could have instead compensated for the other three as a stabilising social element oh whom am I kidding we were doomed from the start."
"Apology accepted… I think?" Hazō ventured.
"Furthermore," Kei added, "had I not lost my temper, I could have assisted in recovering the situation with my own social skills—no, we were still doomed from the start. Ignore me."
Hazō laughed in spite of himself.
Kei attempted to glare at him, but couldn't keep it up, and ended up smiling as well.
"On to happier topics," Hazō said. "You have a new girlfriend. How does this keep happening?"
"Unexpectedly and inexplicably," Kei said wryly. "After I met Fujisawa at Yuno's coming-of-age ceremony and she realised that I was quite possibly the only person in Leaf who preferred silent company, she decided to utilise all possible means to draw my interest and incline me to desire her continued presence. The romantic nature of that presence was not an initial part of the plan, Fujisawa believing herself heterosexual at the time. However, as with many during the war, she came to conclude that her probable imminent death meant there was no reason to resist an inclination to experiment.
"As for myself…" Kei paused as if to gather her thoughts. "Hazō, I made a terrible mistake with two young women who confessed their feelings to me. I was not ready to open my heart to them. I feared that if they grew sufficiently close to me, they would realise I was not the shining star they envisioned, and abandon me in disgust. I feared that introducing these unknown elements into the familiar, closely-bonded structure of the polycule would in some way destabilise it and forever ruin the happiness I still did not understand how I had attained. I feared the terra incognita of seeking intimacy with strangers without the inexplicable, intense compatibility that had guided my relationship with Tenten or the soul-deep bond I shared with Snowflake. And so, I hesitated. I vacillated. I kept them at arm's reach, both in the world and in my own heart, refusing to decide.
"I allowed them to die.
"There was, perhaps, nothing I could have done for Yuri as a lover. Safeguarding her life was my responsibility as a KEI coordinator, not as Nara Kei. Whether I could or would have done more from a more intimate position will forever remain unknown. However, surely even an inferior partner such as I could have served as an anchor to keep Minori in this world instead of leaving her to follow her true love into the Abyss?
"When Fujisawa expressed interest in me, in a direct and unmistakable way—after, I am told, the failure of enough subtle hints to sink a chakra megalodon—I realised I could not make the same mistake again. I dared not. I forced myself to make an immediate choice between acceptance and rejection, and found myself inclined more towards the former… and here we are."
"Congratulations," Hazō said. "I'm very happy for you. I hope you remember your beloved brother when your harem expands to cover the entirety of Leaf and you are elected Hokage by default."
"Curses," Kei said, deadpan. "My diabolical plan has been discovered. Forgive me, Hazō, but I cannot allow you to leave this place alive."
"Oh, no," Hazō said, not quite as deadpan but doing his best. "Woe is me. Must I join the winning team in order to survive?"
"Hazō, you are not joining my hypothetical harem," Kei replied. "It is already difficult enough to escape Ino when she is suffering from an excess of being Ino, and Akane… actually, now that Akane has despaired of Youth and embraced the true darkness of the shinobi world, it may be time to reconsider her candidacy."
Hazō stared at Kei in utter shock. "Kei, don't tell me you…"
Kei rolled her eyes. "That was a humorous joke. Hazō, it is right and proper that younger brothers should be easy to tease, but no game is fun without at least some element of challenge. I have already mentioned that I have never sought additional candidates for the polycule, nor do I expect to do so in the future. They simply happen, like sealing failures."
"Oh!" Hazō livened up. "Speaking of sealing failures, wait till you hear my idea for a seal that re-ravels…"
It was evening by the time Hazō remembered that he'd come to visit Kei on his lunch break.
-o-
You have received 3 + 1 (Brevity) = 4 XP.
-o-
No timeskip this update. A stunt to save Kagome's life is under QM discussion.
What do you do?
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Always nice when the update ends and nothing new is on fire.
Anyone who keeps up with the thread better than me want to weigh in on whether this is more likely to be Hazo-pilot suggestion, or summary of thread thoughts? Probably something to keep in mind either way.
Anyone who keeps up with the thread better than me want to weigh in on whether this is more likely to be Hazo-pilot suggestion, or summary of thread thoughts? Probably something to keep in mind either way.
- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- Yes.
...Does Kagome know he's being romanced?
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
How long did this update take? I'm going to guess 'a day'.
Also, @Velorien, if that's an example of how you generally write Kagome it was functionally indistinguishable from how he normally appears. No notes, very well done, fun update and touching character development for Kagome.
(Velorien expressed concern over his ability to write Kagome; other folks might weigh in here, hopefully to reassure him it was fine.)
FWIW I think a plausible stunt would leverage Kagome's intelligence background. You don't figure out you can assess the plausibility of a surveilance site (or whatever it was) by realizing that just because there's the right volume of waste doesn't mean that it came from the right number of people. That's not a puzzle you can solve without insight into human nature - specifically, what we do and do not overlook. Some sort of ability to roll [intelligence work stat] to hold his tongue seems reasonable IMO and distinct from cryptography.
(I am hoping that Kagome's previous intelligence work doesn't get grued.)
Also, @Velorien, if that's an example of how you generally write Kagome it was functionally indistinguishable from how he normally appears. No notes, very well done, fun update and touching character development for Kagome.
(Velorien expressed concern over his ability to write Kagome; other folks might weigh in here, hopefully to reassure him it was fine.)
FWIW I think a plausible stunt would leverage Kagome's intelligence background. You don't figure out you can assess the plausibility of a surveilance site (or whatever it was) by realizing that just because there's the right volume of waste doesn't mean that it came from the right number of people. That's not a puzzle you can solve without insight into human nature - specifically, what we do and do not overlook. Some sort of ability to roll [intelligence work stat] to hold his tongue seems reasonable IMO and distinct from cryptography.
(I am hoping that Kagome's previous intelligence work doesn't get grued.)
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
As far as I can tell, the general sentiment about Akane right now is something akin to uncertainty. We've discussed our various perspectives of her situation, but we haven't really gathered together on a single 'this will help her' plan of action. The quoted line is probably more Hazou-pilot than thread, but it's also not really in contradiction of any prevailing thread sentiments, if that makes sense.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Just treat every non Goketsu as a Sealing failure, with usual cognitohazard precautions"
I think our boy decided to let him learn by himself after talking with one of the Moris (I think Ami, but I'm blanking) and then imagining telling Kagome, but I don't remember where that would be temporally and if there was more insight to be had. It was right when we learned that he was being romanced, and I don't think the correspondence has come up since?
- Location
- Yes.
KAGOME: I can do that.
*several days later*
KAGOME, to Kumokogo: Hello there. *starts throwing explosives everywhere.
HAZOU, watching from a distance: Oh Jashindamnit.
Eisenhelm
gran dutch of douchery
- Location
- Colombia
oh, so does he actually thinks like a nerdy rpg optimizer. i don't eve kow why am i surprised.
Mari has the patience of a saint
Hazou: "Tsunade...."
Mari: "is Tsunade"
Hazou: "and..."
Mari: "Where you about to say Orochimaru?"
Haozu: "..."
Mari: "*sigh* yeah, that is what i thought"
so i guess she doesn't know, since that wouldd trigger a dipplomatic roll, or we failed it as we fail every social roll.
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Makes sense. The line stuck out to me in the first place as it aligns with what I've been feeling when people bring up that we should try to get her to talk to us about the issue lately, which is to say I think she more need us to just be there for her generally. Given that its likely more Hazo-pilot, might be something to try and work in to a plan soon, even if just as a background thing perhaps.