"Dispel!"
Orochimaru did not disappear, though he did chuckle. Others in the room stared aghast at the breach of propriety.
"You are far from the first," he said.
"I'm pleased to meet you, uncle," Hazō said, clawing at the composure which surely lay somewhere beneath the shock. "It's great to see you alive and well."
"I agree," Orochimaru said. "I also notice that you're still here."
The commotion in the room was beginning to settle down as people began to realise that Orochimaru was real, present, and paying attention to someone other than them. There was a lot of resumed breathing.
"I'd really like to discuss the whole housing issue with you," Hazō said politely. "But, as the organiser, it would be rude of me to leave the party early. I'm sure you understand. Would you like to sit back and play one of our games? We have a wide selection, and I'm sure there'll be something you find entertaining."
Orochimaru ran his eyes briefly over the spread of cards left over from Hazō's Ultimate Killer Combo of Ingenious Doom, then over the other players.
"Unlike many, I welcome trespassers," he said coolly. "To me, the word is another way of saying 'volunteer'."
"So," Hazō gave a strained smile, "why don't you and I go to a nice, private discussion room and discuss practicalities while everyone else packs up? Mari can take over here."
He glanced at Akane, sitting on top of Kagome's armchair beyond Orochimaru's line of sight. She had both hands over Kagome-sensei's mouth, with her knees locking down his elbows, and her overall body weight positioned so as to prevent him from getting leverage. She was looking to Noburi for backup, but the latter was busy urgently whispering to Yuno. It was definitely time to move on.
"First things first," Orochimaru said. To Hazō's absolute, utter, and indescribable terror, he glided over to Mori.
"You are coming with us."
"Mori Ami, sir." Mori bowed. "Jōnin of Hidden Mist's Mori Clan. It's an honour."
"Mori?" Orochimaru said. "A pity. Bring the specimen with you."
Mori, of course, had been holding the stuffed octocat.
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Orochimaru leaned back against the only door leading out of the room, arms casually crossed.
"I am weary, so let's make this brief. Mori, why do you have one of my specimens?" Orochimaru asked mildly.
"You can call me Ami." Mori gave a friendly smile.
"I can," Orochimaru agreed. "Mori, why do you have one of my specimens?"
"You mean Urtaru? Oh, Hazō gave her to me as a random present!" Mori cheerfully threw him under the cart.
"How original," Orochimaru said neutrally. He looked at Hazō. "Have you given out many such presents?"
Aided by the Iron Nerve, Hazō maintained an expression of relaxed calm while silently apologising to his mother, Noburi, Keiko, Akane, Kagome, and Mari. It hadn't even been two months since they'd lost Jiraiya.
Given his unusual circumstances, he wondered whether he'd join his ancestors in the depths—though he doubted that either side would be happy to see the other—or maybe experience an eternity of (even greater) suffering in accordance with Yagura's teachings on missing-nin. He probably wasn't qualified to become one with the Will of Fire, and it was a heretical faith anyway, but it did sound like an improvement over either of the other options. Or, ideally, his lingering attachment to the world of the living would allow him to haunt the rest of the clan—being able to analyse a human soul first-hand sounded like a great boon to immortality research.
"No, sir, just this one!" he exclaimed.
Orochimaru was blocking the exit. If one of them threw themselves at him, would their body get in the way long enough for the other to run?
But where could one run from one of the world's strongest ninja, in a village whose Kage would only celebrate if they were tracked down and murdered?
Orochimaru narrowed his eyes slightly.
"I believe housing will no longer be an issue for you."
Hazō had to be the first person in history to be so bloodcurdlingly terrified by those words.
"If I may clarify," Mori said emotionlessly, "I may have been misleading in my phrasing. The specimen was a present in the sense that Hazō had generously presented me with a unique research opportunity, having determined that my Mori abilities and training could lend relevant insight. Unfortunately, being a generalist, I found myself unable to analyse it. I was in the process of returning the specimen, relying on deception to hide it in plain sight so as not to attract attention from the Hyūga, when you announced your return."
"Your timing is extraordinary," Orochimaru said.
Mori froze.
"That was my idea," Hazō said hurriedly. "I was getting anxious about having something so valuable out of my hands, so after her latest research report didn't contain any progress, I decided I wanted the specimen back ASAP. It looks like a toy, and being surrounded by observers would actually make it safer from theft until I could deposit it in secure storage."
Before Orochimaru could question this feeblest of claims, Mori wordlessly passed him the stuffed octocat. He slipped on a slim pair of gloves before taking it.
"You may spend the night in one of the outbuildings, Mori. Do not leave the compound."
"Understood," Mori said crisply.
Orochimaru stepped aside to let her past. The door closed firmly behind her. Being a thick, sturdy, eavesdropper-proof door, it was not designed to accommodate escape—or, it suddenly occurred to Hazō, audibility of calls for help.
"Now…" Orochimaru said slowly.
"Yes, sir?" The timing did not seem right to call him "uncle".
"Did you decontaminate the specimen before removing it from the controlled environment?"
"I'm not familiar with the term," Hazō said warily.
"No matter," Orochimaru said lightly. "We can consider it a test of leadership for the boy in the tower."
Hazō could feel himself starting to sweat.
"What
is decontamination?" he asked.
"The process of purifying someone or something of potential corruption," Orochimaru said, absent-mindedly scritching the octocat behind the anterior tentacles, "lest the taint adversely affect the surrounding environment or those within it, or interfere with measurement accuracy. Failure to properly decontaminate a specimen is the second most frequent cause of death for chakra beast researchers."
"What's the first?" Hazō asked despite himself.
"Chakra beasts."
Right. So if there was anything contagiously tainted about the octocat, Hazō had potentially infected an innocent taxidermist, Mori, the guests, and, in fact, probably everyone in Leaf. His first thought, oddly, was how he was going to break it to Kagome-sensei.
"How many other possessions of mine have you handed out to strangers, nephew?"
"None!" Hazō exclaimed. "I have a comprehensive itemised list of everything we have, if you want it." If he survived the meeting, he fully intended to gloat to the rest of the clan about how his mastery of lists had potentially saved all their lives. After he was done grovelling about the octocat.
Orochimaru nodded approvingly.
"You were, of course, willing to offer
all of my possessions to Kabuto," he said just as Hazō was about to relax.
In the back of his mind, Hazō suddenly cross-referenced Dr Yakushi's background, his recent behaviour, and the cryptic smiling right before Orochimaru's appearance, drew some very alarming conclusions, then realised that voicing them would almost certainly get him killed.
"The condition was adopting him, so they'd stay within the clan, and we'd be able to monitor his use of them," Hazō argued, insofar as he felt himself capable of arguing with a man who could eviscerate him in the blink of an eye
as a gesture of mercy. "And can't you imagine lending your materials to someone else if you found yourself with no idea how to proceed?"
"An unlikely scenario," Orochimaru said ambiguously. "What of it?"
"That's all I did," Hazō said. "It was a rational means of pursuing my research."
"
My research," Orochimaru corrected. "I do not recall giving you permission."
"The odds of you coming back for it were very low," Hazō explained, "and it would have been unreasonable to just let it lie there unused forever. We did think you were dead when we went down into the Basement."
"Nephew," Orochimaru said patiently, "you are under the impression that I care."
Hazō could hear the last grains of sand falling.
"I could assist you with your research!" Hazō said urgently. "We have some common interests that I'm sure it would be mutually beneficial to collaborate on."
"You will assist me with my research," Orochimaru agreed. "The Iron Nerve is much more valuable now that Leaf is lacking in Uchiha, and the Vampiric Dew's potential for storing life force outside the body is nothing short of fascinating. We begin tomorrow morning—I suggest you select a new clan head with all due haste."
Falling…
"I meant as head of a cooperating clan!" Hazō said. "We have overlapping goals, and I'm a sealmaster in my own right. I'd be especially happy to collaborate with you on your research into the nature of life and death."
Orochimaru raised an eyebrow.
"Just how far did you penetrate into my facility?"
"Not far," Hazō said. "It's something we heard from Dr Yakushi."
"And you do not believe that death is an inextricable part of the natural order, such that interference with it is immoral and a violation of the Sage's will, as well as being contrary to the Will of Fire and/or expected to invoke the wrath of various spirits?" Orochimaru asked curiously.
"Never," Hazō said fiercely. Finally, an opportunity to prove himself, and also say something unlikely to dig himself deeper. "Death is mankind's greatest enemy. It doesn't just bring incredible, constant suffering. It robs us of the opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and the ability to improve ourselves. It prevents us from taking responsibility for the future. It has the power to end our entire civilisation, our entire species, cutting off our infinite potential. If mankind is going to fulfil that potential and create an enlightened society, death has to go."
Orochimaru studied Hazō.
"I disdain appeals to emotion," he finally said.
Hazō gulped.
"On the other hand, I do not disdain common sense."
Hazō breathed a sigh of relief.
"Besides," Hazō added, "there has to be at least one deceased person you and I both want to see again."
"I wonder," Orochimaru said.
"I'm sure there's a way in which we can work together without the need for…" Hazō hesitated.
"Invasive surgery," Orochimaru supplied.
"That. As a clan head, I have access to a lot of financial and other resources. Between us, the clan has two sealmasters, one summoner-in-training, one medic, and one social expert jōnin. We can be a lot of use to each other."
Orochimaru considered.
"Look," Hazō said with an edge of desperation. "Why don't we start over? You wanted to discuss housing, didn't you? We should do that right now, and maybe leave longer-term concerns until you've rested from your journey. What would it take for us to keep the compound, or at least part of it?"
"I believe I've made it clear that this is my home," Orochimaru said. "The circumstances under which I permit strangers to remain here are quite specific."
Hazō suppressed a shudder.
There had to be something the Gōketsu had to offer Orochimaru. This was a great compound, even without the Basement. They'd invested in it. They'd made their own repairs and improvements. They'd made it a home for dispossessed refugees. He couldn't let it go without a fight, which was to say an obsequious and painstakingly careful attempt at negotiation.
He ran through his options. He wasn't going to beg. It was beneath his dignity, and, more importantly, might make him sound like one of Orochimaru's experimental subjects (why was he planning to cooperate with this man again?). Straightforwardly bribing Orochimaru wouldn't work. As one of the few guarantees of Leaf's immediate survival, right now Orochimaru could ask for a
chakra pony and Hyūga would start sending out capture teams. Threatening Orochimaru? He'd consider it a form of entertainment. Rent it was, then, which Orochimaru could set at a crippling rate, especially if he was aware of the clan's current wealth, and legitimately charge as much back rent as he liked. Of course, in theory the Gōketsu would be able to claim it back from the Tower, but relying on Hyūga to play fair when Leaf law apparently had loopholes big enough to ride a chakra megalodon through and this was a chance to leave the clan bankrupt…
Of course, there was one scenario, exactly one, in which they wouldn't need to pay Orochimaru at all. It was ingenious. Insane. A masterful solution to all their problems, and one which opened up infinite possibilities. In other words, a move truly worthy of Gōketsu Hazō.
"Would you consider clan adoption?" Hazō asked.
Orochimaru looked surprised for the first time in the conversation. "Continue."
"We have a lot of resources on top of those skills I mentioned," Hazō said keenly. "We've been expanding the clan's financial base, and are expecting huge returns on our investments. We have connections, whereas you haven't had a chance to build any." This was a half-truth, given ISC's decision to distance themselves, but that was a detail Orochimaru didn't need right now. "We also offer access to more unique goods. We have all of Jiraiya's sealing notes, for a start. We also have much unique ninjutsu, including techniques received from the Pangolin Clan which we are contractually bound to only teach to clan members."
"Seventh Path techniques?" Orochimaru asked alertly. "Elaborate."
"A wide variety of techniques," Hazō said, "especially for object manipulation and armour. We even have passive protective techniques that completely absorb damage."
"And you wish to offer all of this, in addition to the full use of your personal skills, in exchange for my joining the clan," Orochimaru said.
"It's an option to consider," Hazō said.
"Very well," Orochimaru said. "I accept. Have the paperwork sent to me by the end of the week."
Hazō quietly boggled. Obviously, there'd be costs and inconveniences, especially when it came to having someone with such… flexible… morals join a clan which hitherto had been a tightly-bound family united behind a single set of values, but as tradeoffs went, having the full cooperation of a legendary immortal who, with the Gōketsu's assistance, might be able to bring back loved ones or even conquer death…
He'd need to talk to the clan, of course, before stamping his seal, and they might have some salient objections. But in the end, Hazō couldn't help feeling like he'd casually accomplished the impossible.
Also, he'd be leaving the meeting alive.
"We will be the Yasha Clan, although if you have alternative naming suggestions, I will consider them at the time of signing. I wish to have the transfer of power performed as efficiently as possible."
"I'm sorry?" Hazō stuttered.
"I can hardly be head of the
Gōketsu Clan, now can I?" Orochimaru asked as if it were obvious. "That would be distasteful on multiple levels. As for our clan crest, it will be some variation on the ouroboros."
Hazō could feel the violent chthonic rumblings of Jiraiya turning in his grave, made even worse by the fact that the patriarch had been cremated.
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