- Location
- Nova Scotia
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard
Jello_Raptor
(Confirmed Jelly)
- Location
- Left of Center
I plan to be there.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Let's try separating plans into their component parts:
- Prompts: The things QMs like, giving them something interesting (ideally
) to write. Stuff like going to the yakuza, etc. - Preparations: Contingencies; "Build a Fort", plan for defending the client, etc. The QMs have expressed that they don't mind these very much.
- Detail: The stuff that gave Hazou his reputation for lists. Loads of bullet point lists of things we do in various situations, or specifics for how we do things.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Should definitely be a new tag
Apologies for the accidental implied criticism - that was just the first example that came to mind of the kind of issue I was talking about (that particular event happened in a D&D game, to the best of my knowledge nobody here was involved but me).
My intent was to sketch out a category of situation using a straightforward, somewhat extreme example; it might have been more illustrative to go digging for a time something like that happened here, but on the other hand there's reasonable odds anything I picked would end up being more ambiguous and end up more offensive *shrug*. Also, I can't think of a specific example off the top of my head, which means a bunch of digging for something that might not even exist.
Sounds reasonable to me
. Terrible rolls do just happen.
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- Location
- Albany
In my opinion those why's can and should be resolved and justified by aome dice rolls (or fate point usage maybe). I know it puts the pressure on the GM but i think the skills we bought are the representation of knowing how to do things, so the players don't have to know the how's, only the what's. Giving sone nice non obvious how's can give a bonus to the roll, but in my opinion it shouldn't be significant.
As for the new player engagement problem(is it a problem?), I just think it's up to the new player to engage. If they feel overwhelmed with the amount of in jokes or the plans, they could as they say, "lurk moar" until they feel comfortable.
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- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I think you're missing the point. The characters have many options at any given time beyond dice rolls and fate points. They have equipment. They have Bloodline Limits. They have huge seal loadouts. Even when it comes to skills, they have to choose which ones to use when and on whom. In the case of socials, what you say can be important. Sure, you win your social roll against the Mizukage's investigator. Is your alibi, which he believes, "I was in my room asleep and the innkeeper can testify that I never left the inn" or "I was on a mission halfway across town and Team Asuma can testify that they saw me skulking on the rooftops at the time of the incident"? Or something else? Won or failed, any social roll can potentially have far-reaching knock-on effects. If you honestly think there are no circumstances where character choices as made by the QMs can't make the difference between failure and success before dice are rolled or FP spent, then I feel like you aren't applying your imagination.
I don't think saying "If new players feel put off, they should make more effort to get over it" is helpful. Why should they? There are plenty of things they can do with their time on the Internet that don't require internalising a new behavioural code. Jf we can lower barriers to entry, then they can skip or at least cut down the learning phase and quickly get to the part where they contribute and everybody wins. If you're going to say that the solution to the problem is for them to try harder, you may as well say "git gud" and call it a day.
- Location
- London
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Hmm...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CFAR said:
Cash flow at Risk alumni... Some sort of support group for problem gamblers?
I suppose it is arguable that many of the team's issues are in fact rooted in traumatic events in their childhoods. In fact, we're in the middle of one right now!Wiki said:
A reasonable description of the thread's approach to equipment/seal stock management, but probably not worthy of an entire alumni association.Wiki said:
"590 CFAR, your number 1 home for rational Naruto news and tunes"Wiki said:
@faflecWiki said:
This one, it's probably this one.Wiki said:
- Location
- Albany
Well, if a GM thinks the bluff or whatever is plot sensitive, he could have a mid update vote. This assumes the plot consequences will be relevant in the next update, not current scene. failed bluffs usually have the same effect, regardless of what they were.
Usage of the dozens of items and spells we have is a problem, we have a quest format that prevents from asking "which sword do you pull out first" or the like. The only solution I see (other than having a irl epic party and play tabletop MFD, I'm up for it btw) is simplifying the things that cause trouble ( you mentiomed equipment and skills ) so the plans don't have to be so specific about them. I know it is not really helpful, but if you don't know how or want to simplify stuff that causes long plans, then everyone has to ''git good" and deal with it.
What my rant tries to say is you can't really simplify the plans without simplifying the game.
For the record, I don't really mind the current plans, they are fun to read.
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- Location
- The state of Paranoia
Regarding Hazou's crazy idea, and this event in general, it just occurred to me that selling drugs to civilians (and ninja for that matter) might be considered a bit of a step backwards in terms of uplift.
Edit:
And making it possible for even MORE drugs to enter a village might perhaps be an even bigger step backwards.
Edit:
And making it possible for even MORE drugs to enter a village might perhaps be an even bigger step backwards.
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- Location
- Australia
To uplift something is to make it higher. We are going to get a lot of people high. This is a huge step forward for upliftselling drugs to civilians (and ninja for that matter) might be considered a bit of a step backwards in terms of uplift.
- Location
- Albany
Don't worry, we just had the best idea since
Now that you said this, world shifting geopolitical changes would be easier to make if everyone else was on drugs, what is the difficulty on aoe LSD seals?
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Regarding Hazou's crazy idea, and this event in general, it just occurred to me that selling drugs to civilians (and ninja for that matter) might be considered a bit of a step backwards in terms of uplift.
Edit:
And making it possible for even MORE drugs to enter a village might perhaps be an even bigger step backwards.
Anti-drug laws are often used as tools of oppression. And especially, it sounds like that's how the former Mizukage used them.
If people are really concerned about this, remember that we aren't deciding anything. All this would do is push the Mizukage to announce a decision she was already going to make earlier than she otherwise would have.
- Location
- The state of Paranoia
And try to push her to decide in a specific direction. Which is towards allowing more drugs to be brought in.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
We decided to force the mizukage to make a decision on the topic of the drug trade so that we can sell to the Yakuza.
Or as I put it earlier: We're hijacking a foreign government's legislative process to help the mafia help some teenagers cheat on their exams.
- Location
- Potato land
I mean, if three updates from now, Hazou is accosted by a proctor demanding he produce his word half, whoever is writing this update would need to recall that we linked a protocol for this situation at some point, then spend time hunting for it in the thread. What's the downside of putting it in some predefined document that anyone can check at any time?
It's another question whether we'd like to vote for these separately. Putting the protocol in an unrelated vote, which is what we ended up doing, is a bit awkward. Having the occasional contingency shouldn't be too much of a hassle, though I can see arguments either way.
Yeah, but it should still preserve QM spoons to let them just open a bookmark and use an optimized protocol. Especially since a fair amount of stuff in said protocol isn't obvious and we spent some time ironing it out.
We demonstrably can simplify the plans, or at least make them much shorter. The problem, rather, is identifying where they benefit from additional complexity. Said complexity is also, generally speaking, not in any way connected to the game ruleset.
IRL productiveness? What is this sorcery? I smell Lupchanz involvement.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Oh god it is lupchanz, I've been productive lately too!!!
Chapter 169: Layers
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Out! Out, vile harridan! Go back and tell your corrupt masters that Usui Saruhiko is a law-abiding citizen who will not fall for your gross blandishments!"
As the client moved to flee the shop, cackling and holding a money pouch in her right hand (she'd had the common sense to finish selling her ordinary goods before introducing the apothecary to anything else), Keiko quickly stepped ahead of her to check the outside for traps. As she reached the exit, she skidded to a dead halt and thrust an arm out sideways in warning.
"Tripwire," she hissed.
The team shifted into formation. Keiko stepped outside, ready to defend against an attack. Noburi knelt down to disarm the trap lest by unlucky chance it catch the "decrepit and poorly-coordinated" client or indeed the apothecary. Hazō simultaneously covered him and kept the client from stepping outside (or being clobbered by the apothecary, who seemed torn between his righteous rage and the moral commandment not to inflict violence on frail old women).
"Aargh, my fingers!" Noburi cursed. "Who the hell puts this much effort into a damn tripwire?"
"Leave it for now, then," Hazō said. "We can deal with it once the area is secure."
Noburi glanced back at the client and the apothecary, who were watching him with expressions of entertainment at his expense and simmering anger respectively.
"It's fine," he snapped. "I'm almost there."
Hazō sighed. "Keiko?"
"Nothing," Keiko replied after a few seconds. "But then, the enemy's stealth was sufficient to prepare the trap in such close proximity to us unnoticed. Stay alert—they may still be in the area."
She paused.
"Madam, please remain indoors until I have finished checking the palanquin for traps."
Behind her, Noburi was still struggling with the tripwire.
"When I get my hands on whoever set this thing…"
The next few minutes were uneventful, as Hazō continued to cover a frustrated Noburi from ranged attacks while trying not to be distracted by the apothecary (who had switched from imminent violence to demanding reparations for obstruction of business). The client, meanwhile, just watched the proceedings with clear amusement.
"There was a bomb," Keiko called out from the palanquin. "Minimal-strength training tag with a long time delay under the seating cushion. I doused it with water from a canteen. I believe we were intended to lower our guard after successfully forestalling an ambush and allow the client into the palanquin, shortly after which the tag would detonate with minimal damage to everything but the client. I will continue my search in case it was a decoy."
"You do that," Hazō said. "Noburi, are you seriously not done with that—"
The eternal little voice of paranoia at the back of Hazō's mind, already at a constant low-volume screech due to the nature of the event, as well as the client's periodic attempts to grope him, rose to a scream. They've finally come for me!
He whirled around to the window of the inn opposite. The last second of his memory instantly replayed itself, as if he'd been caught spacing out in the middle of a conversation. He saw a glint of light, so subtle that he wouldn't have noticed it through conscious attention alone.
Clink! Clink! Clink!
The enemy's aim was perfect, but somehow the needles were a little slower than Hazō expected, and he intercepted every last one with a hastily-drawn kunai before they could reach the client and doom them all.
Through the inn's window, he could see someone moving away, towards the back of the taproom.
"Do not engage!" he barked as Noburi and Keiko belatedly sprang up. "It could be another diversion."
His teammates reassembled by the apothecary's front door, weapons out.
"I concur," Keiko said. "The assailant likely confirmed that the inn had a rear exit before engaging, since otherwise we could easily intercept them as they escaped."
She glanced at the apothecary floor.
"Soft-tipped needles, angled low so as to strike the target's legs. Aerodynamically inferior, but virtually no risk of ricochet. Concealment in a busy location where ambient noise would drown out the sound of their movement, combined with a window position that would prevent the risk of collateral damage to patrons from them while inhibiting return fire from us.
"A difficult-to-disarm tripwire to distract one team member, followed by a seal-based trap to do the same for the other, leaving only one defender capable of deflecting the real attack. It seems we are being targeted by an opponent who relies on a functioning brain rather than raw firepower. I admit I find the experience refreshing."
As Keiko returned to checking for secondary traps, Hazō found himself once more accosted by the apothecary.
"This is an outrage!" the man spat, emerging from behind the counter where he'd taken cover. "You are driving away customers with all this clamour. Rest assured, I will be lodging a formal complaint with the Mizukage's Office!"
The client gave Hazō a gleeful "you're on your own" look.
"Sir," Hazō said in his most honeyed voice, "I humbly apologise for any inconvenience caused. Your attackers' actions were in flagrant violation of the Chūnin Exam rules, and rest assured that as soon as we are able to identify them, we will report them to the Mizukage's Office directly on your behalf. I'm sure that the relevant officials will be much quicker to address your claim if it is delivered by a ninja rather than a member of the civilian population."
Usui considered this for a second, then relaxed.
"Yes," he said, "that would be most acceptable. I apologise for my earlier outburst, esteemed ninja. Still, I must insist that you escort Miss Gisō out of my establishment and never bring her here again. I am a law-abiding man, and have no interest in the… items she peddles."
Hazō bowed, and escorted the completely unrepentant client out as soon as Noburi was finally done with the tripwire and ready to back him up.
"All clear?" he asked Keiko.
"A few minutes more," Keiko replied. "Given the calibre of the opponent we appear to be dealing with, I wish to leave no metaphorical stone unturned."
Hazō and Noburi waited uneasily outside while Keiko performed a yet more thorough sweep.
"I found one more trap, this one much better concealed," she eventually reported. "A weight had been attached to the roof of the palanquin with weak adhesive, such that the palanquin's natural swaying during transport would eventually unhinge it and drop it on the client's head. I imagine that we were expected to assume that the first two traps were distractions to render us vulnerable to the needle attack, thereby failing to realise that the needle attack itself was a distraction from the real trap."
She gave a shadow of a smile. "This is much closer to the Chūnin Exam I was hoping for. It is almost a pity that we will have to comprehensively crush this team and their plans into a fine, fine dust."
The look in her eyes made Hazō shudder in spite of himself.
Buoyed by an inexplicable and frankly unnerving good mood, Keiko took the lead in the security arrangements for the group's lunch break. The table she'd chosen gave clear lines of sight to the café's door and windows, while at the same time putting enough bodies between them and the team that even a Kage would hesitate to try a projectile attack. For the first time that day, Hazō permitted himself something vaguely resembling relaxation.
This was it, he decided. The timing couldn't be better. They were all in the same place at the same time, the location was relatively secure, and the client had gone off to powder her nose, which given her anatomy could take upwards of half an hour. He leaned in to indicate a sensitive subject.
"I've had an idea."
Noburi promptly raised his hand. "Check, please!"
"Very funny. Do I need to remind you who thought of trading for information with the yakuza?"
Noburi shrugged. "Yeah, there's no way making deals with the underworld could possibly come back to haunt us. But all right, since it hasn't yet, I'm all ears."
Hazō opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, an anxious-looking waiter materialised at Noburi's side.
"Honoured shinobi," the man said in an urgent voice, "I most humbly apologise for not having your order ready yet. If you'll just give me a minute, I'll speak with the chef, and we'll make sure—"
"No," Noburi waved him away, "it's my bad. Didn't mean to catch you in the crossfire. I'll wait for my meal like everyone else."
The waiter bowed. "Thank you for your patience, honoured shinobi." He hurried away.
"Ouch," Noburi said. "After all our time in Leaf, I kind of forgot how big the ninja-civilian divide was over here."
"I know," Hazō said. "It feels weird, doesn't it? Anyway, here is what I've been thinking. Right now, all the shady people our client wants to trade with are going to be hesitant because they don't know if the goods are going to be declared illegal tomorrow. It's not so much a matter of which side the Mizukage comes down on, because some of them will be fine with trading in illegal goods as long as they make a decent profit out of it, but either way they're not going to make any big investments without knowing what the market is going to look like."
"Logical," Keiko agreed. "Doubtless this major obstacle is one of the reasons why we've been assigned this particular client, together with the dangers inherent in black market trade, whether real or simulated, and the potential for unintentionally earning the enmity of the yakuza in one way or another."
Hazō smiled. "But for once we're ahead of the game."
"Indeed. I look forward to hearing your plan for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."
"Thank you, Keiko," Hazō gave her a pointed look. "In any case, my idea is this: we force the Mizukage's hand."
The silence lasted for a full five seconds.
"Pardon me," Keiko said slowly. "For a moment, it sounded as if you were proposing to manipulate the head of a sovereign state into making far-reaching changes to village law in order to grant a genin team an advantage in an annual examination."
"By secretly drugging and/or planting drugs on a person of influence, and then making sure they are discovered in a compromising position," Hazō added.
Keiko opened her mouth, doubtless to deliver a deadpan summary of why she had never heard anything more preposterous in her entire life. Noburi got there first.
"That is the most ninja thing I have ever heard," he said with awe.
"Noburi!" Keiko said in a tone of mixed disbelief and outrage, staring at him as if he'd invited her to join the Momochi Zabuza Fan Club.
"C'mon, Keiko," Noburi grinned. "Think of all the stories. Hanamura Uzume, who brought down a kingdom by implicating a daimyo with his general's wife. Ayame the Thrice-Lecherous, who nobody can prove started the Fang-Claw conflict. Kondo Mamoru, whose name is still cursed in seven countries two hundred years later. All of them became legends by doing things like this."
"Yes," Keiko said. "That is why they are second-rate shinobi."
"What are you talking about?"
"Shinobi are beings of shadow," Keiko explained slowly, as if to a small child. "A perfect assassination is when the target appears to have died of natural causes. A perfect theft is when the target is convinced that they misplaced the item themselves. A perfect seduction is when the target believes that they were the seducer. Do you perceive the trend?"
Noburi gave this some thought.
"What about the fireballs?"
"The fireballs," Keiko said coldly, "are inefficient. They are the product of a completely unnecessary arms race which has consumed the majority of the shinobi world's resources since time immemorial. In the right hands, the Transformation Technique is sufficient to cast down empires, yet a jōnin's power is measured by the size of the crater they leave behind when destroying their foes. If there are gods in the heavens above, how they must laugh."
"It's not that I don't enjoy scathing critiques of the shinobi world's status quo," Hazō said after a few seconds of existentially-troubled silence, "but I do want to know what you two think of my idea."
"Very well," Keiko said. She closed her eyes.
Hazō and Noburi waited patiently. There was still no sign of the client. (They'd briefly sent Keiko in to sweep the ladies' room for potential threats, so Hazō wasn't particularly worried.)
A few minutes later, she opened them again.
"Viable," she decided. "The main point in its favour is that, insofar as the legal status of narcotics is in limbo, so are the legal implications of planting them on an individual without their consent. However, concerns remain. It would be difficult to plant the drugs in a container that can be guaranteed to be opened before the Mizukage, or in a similarly conspicuous location, and if it is, we still cannot guarantee that the owner will not find some way of concealing them again before their nature can be identified. On the other hand, if we were to introduce the drugs directly into someone's system, that person's reduced self-control may lead to injury, which would be considered collateral damage under the rules of the event."
"On that topic…" Noburi gave a disturbingly diabolical grin. "I was thinking while you were using your Bloodline Limit, and I may just have an idea of my own."
"Yes?" Keiko asked warily.
"Well, if we want a target who'll still be able to take care of themselves when drugged, obviously we need to target a ninja."
Hazō and Keiko nodded.
"Then we need somebody who's important enough that them taking drugs is a big deal, but not so powerful that they can get crush us like a bug, literally or politically, if things go south."
Hazō and Keiko nodded again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Old Lizardbreath, Headmaster of the Mist Academy of the Ninja Arts."
The perfection of it took Hazō's breath away.
You have earned 3 XP. Hazō has spent 2 FP and earned 2 FP. Noburi has earned 2 FP. Keiko has earned 1 FP.
You have done your best to treat the client courteously. She has insisted on the Granny Karina appellation, which you have acceded to (but at least refused to use inside your head because it feels creepy). You have been unable to bring yourself to be flirtatious with her, but have achieved the middle ground of largely hiding how uncomfortable she makes you. You're not sure to what extent she sees through your bluff, but you are at least acting politely. You did remind her of professional standards for client-bodyguard interaction, to which she responded that in her day, when a ninja committed to fulfilling a client's needs for the duration of the mission, they committed to fulfilling all of a client's needs. It's hard to call her on this because "her day" may well predate recorded history. Worse, she acts as if she's convinced that you are on the verge of reciprocating, and are only holding back out of youthful bashfulness. This woman, if woman she be under that disguise, is good.
As an escortee, she follows instructions willingly and more or less to the letter, but does not take the initiative in securing her own well-being, instead "trusting you strapping young lads to get her out of any trouble she might get into".
She has no fixed appointments that she's told you about, but a sizeable list of persons and establishments she intends to visit, and she intends to solicit additional contact information from cooperative "dealers". She has no special dinner plans, but she has listed very specific dietary requirements caused by a combination of her advanced knowledge of the human body and her advanced age, such as refusing to eat meals containing certain common cooking herbs (which her expertise claims to be unhealthy), disliking certain kinds of meat and so on. You may have a challenging time satisfying her.
Tactical information based on your team's pooled recollections:
Headmaster Ichigaya Yasuzaemon, known out of earshot as Old Lizardbreath, is a short, fat man in his mid-fifties who wears gold-rimmed glasses even though he doesn't need them. He is a chūnin, and rumours claim him to be a T&I dropout. He was awarded his post as a reward for unspecified "services to the state" around thirty years ago, a mixed blessing since on the one hand it is a cushy, well-paid job away from the front lines, and on the other hand, he hates children. There is not one child in the Academy who does not hate him back. Each of the three of you has suffered repeatedly at his hands, being forced to endure endless litanies concerning your inferior abilities, your poor behaviour, your selfishness, your inability to integrate with the rest of the group, the many ways in which you are a disappointment to your parents, this Academy and the village, and… you get the idea. He also does not hesitate to play favourites in order to try and ingratiate himself with the village clans.
Ichigaya is a competent administrator when he's not offloading his work onto other people, and is skilled at corporal punishment. His abilities as a ninja are not known to you since he never displays any, but may include traps insofar as more or less everyone knows that he has a secret stash of alcohol in his office, and countless schoolchildren have tried and failed to steal it as a dare. He is arrogant, short-tempered and sadistic, with an ego the size of a Tailed Beast. He frequently patrols the Academy corridors in lieu of doing paperwork, dropping in on detentions in order to "show them how it's done" and making unreasonable demands of students in the middle of practical classes (he loves making people do sit-ups).
His daily routine is well-known to you. Around 7 am, he enters the Old Schoolhouse building of the Academy, having walked from his home in the northwest, and proceeds to his office, where he drinks from his hidden alcohol stash to fortify himself for the day (as you infer based on his breath if encountered in the morning). He is typically in his office until around 10 am, after which he often walks around the grounds until lunchtime. At 12, he leaves the Academy to have lunch at one of a number of nearby cafes, and returns by 2 pm. He remains in his office until at least 4 pm. He leaves the Academy at 6 pm after taking another drink from his stash (as you found out after one particularly long detention), while many other staff members, including his secretary, are still hard at work. You do not know what he does afterwards.
In addition to the hidden alcohol stash, the office contains a variety of useful documents which you have seen him consult before or after loudly upbraiding you, and it seems likely that his weekly schedule will be among them. The office has two windows and one door, which leads to his secretary's room. She is an overworked young woman who frequently snaps at the children, but always seems vaguely guilty about it afterwards.
Ignore the measurements; I couldn't figure out how to get rid of them.
It is now the early afternoon. You have visited the first two places on the client's itinerary, mostly successfully, and are now having lunch at a cheap and cheerful café (the client has taken mercy on you and chosen her first dining location for herself). The client is taking her time in the bathroom, so you have plenty of opportunity to discuss further plans before she returns.
What do you do?
Voting closes on Saturday 24th of March, 9 am New York time.
Keiko: Alertness 31 + 3 = 34
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 24
Keiko spots the trap!
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 24
Keiko spots the trap!
As the client moved to flee the shop, cackling and holding a money pouch in her right hand (she'd had the common sense to finish selling her ordinary goods before introducing the apothecary to anything else), Keiko quickly stepped ahead of her to check the outside for traps. As she reached the exit, she skidded to a dead halt and thrust an arm out sideways in warning.
"Tripwire," she hissed.
The team shifted into formation. Keiko stepped outside, ready to defend against an attack. Noburi knelt down to disarm the trap lest by unlucky chance it catch the "decrepit and poorly-coordinated" client or indeed the apothecary. Hazō simultaneously covered him and kept the client from stepping outside (or being clobbered by the apothecary, who seemed torn between his righteous rage and the moral commandment not to inflict violence on frail old women).
Noburi: Cracking 1 - 6 = -5
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 24
Noburi fails to disarm the trap.
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 24
Noburi fails to disarm the trap.
"Aargh, my fingers!" Noburi cursed. "Who the hell puts this much effort into a damn tripwire?"
"Leave it for now, then," Hazō said. "We can deal with it once the area is secure."
Noburi's Aspect "Trouble: Star of the Show" is invoked. Noburi gains 1 FP.
Noburi glanced back at the client and the apothecary, who were watching him with expressions of entertainment at his expense and simmering anger respectively.
"It's fine," he snapped. "I'm almost there."
Hazō sighed. "Keiko?"
"Nothing," Keiko replied after a few seconds. "But then, the enemy's stealth was sufficient to prepare the trap in such close proximity to us unnoticed. Stay alert—they may still be in the area."
She paused.
"Madam, please remain indoors until I have finished checking the palanquin for traps."
Behind her, Noburi was still struggling with the tripwire.
"When I get my hands on whoever set this thing…"
The next few minutes were uneventful, as Hazō continued to cover a frustrated Noburi from ranged attacks while trying not to be distracted by the apothecary (who had switched from imminent violence to demanding reparations for obstruction of business). The client, meanwhile, just watched the proceedings with clear amusement.
Keiko: Alertness 31 + 3 = 34
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 27
Keiko detects the trap!
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 27
Keiko detects the trap!
"There was a bomb," Keiko called out from the palanquin. "Minimal-strength training tag with a long time delay under the seating cushion. I doused it with water from a canteen. I believe we were intended to lower our guard after successfully forestalling an ambush and allow the client into the palanquin, shortly after which the tag would detonate with minimal damage to everything but the client. I will continue my search in case it was a decoy."
"You do that," Hazō said. "Noburi, are you seriously not done with that—"
Ambush!
Enemy invokes "Melding into the Crowd".
Enemy: Stealth ? + ? + ? = 31
Hazō invokes "(Formerly) Marked for Death".
Hazō: Alertness 30 + 4 - 6 = 28
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Alertness 30 + 4 - 6 = 31
Hazō detects the enemy! No ambush effects apply.
Initiative!
Hazō: Alertness 30 - 9 = 21
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Alertness 30 - 9 = 21
Enemy: Alertness ? + ? = 39
Keiko and Noburi do not roll this round as they have no line of sight to the enemy and any sound the enemy makes is masked by ambient noise from the inn.
Turn order: Enemy, Hazō
Round 1
Enemy invokes "Aim" on themselves for free.
Enemy: Ranged Weapons ? + ? + ? = 28
Enemy burns 1 FP to reroll.
Enemy: Ranged Weapons ? + ? + ? = 37
Generous rules interpretation: Since the plan explicitly specified having Blocks up at all times, I'm treating the Block as a readied action, something I don't believe we have a rule for. Hazō is allowed to have his Block up even though he lost Initiative, with the corollary that he is precommitted to spending his first turn of the combat performing that Block. Depending on the other QMs' judgement, this may be a one-off.
Hazō: Taijutsu Block (attacks against the client) 43 + 5 - 6 = 42
Enemy is blocked!
Combat ends.
Enemy invokes "Melding into the Crowd".
Enemy: Stealth ? + ? + ? = 31
Hazō invokes "(Formerly) Marked for Death".
Hazō: Alertness 30 + 4 - 6 = 28
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Alertness 30 + 4 - 6 = 31
Hazō detects the enemy! No ambush effects apply.
Initiative!
Hazō: Alertness 30 - 9 = 21
Hazō spends 1 FP to reroll.
Hazō: Alertness 30 - 9 = 21
Enemy: Alertness ? + ? = 39
Keiko and Noburi do not roll this round as they have no line of sight to the enemy and any sound the enemy makes is masked by ambient noise from the inn.
Turn order: Enemy, Hazō
Round 1
Enemy invokes "Aim" on themselves for free.
Enemy: Ranged Weapons ? + ? + ? = 28
Enemy burns 1 FP to reroll.
Enemy: Ranged Weapons ? + ? + ? = 37
Generous rules interpretation: Since the plan explicitly specified having Blocks up at all times, I'm treating the Block as a readied action, something I don't believe we have a rule for. Hazō is allowed to have his Block up even though he lost Initiative, with the corollary that he is precommitted to spending his first turn of the combat performing that Block. Depending on the other QMs' judgement, this may be a one-off.
Hazō: Taijutsu Block (attacks against the client) 43 + 5 - 6 = 42
Enemy is blocked!
Combat ends.
The eternal little voice of paranoia at the back of Hazō's mind, already at a constant low-volume screech due to the nature of the event, as well as the client's periodic attempts to grope him, rose to a scream. They've finally come for me!
He whirled around to the window of the inn opposite. The last second of his memory instantly replayed itself, as if he'd been caught spacing out in the middle of a conversation. He saw a glint of light, so subtle that he wouldn't have noticed it through conscious attention alone.
Clink! Clink! Clink!
The enemy's aim was perfect, but somehow the needles were a little slower than Hazō expected, and he intercepted every last one with a hastily-drawn kunai before they could reach the client and doom them all.
Through the inn's window, he could see someone moving away, towards the back of the taproom.
"Do not engage!" he barked as Noburi and Keiko belatedly sprang up. "It could be another diversion."
His teammates reassembled by the apothecary's front door, weapons out.
"I concur," Keiko said. "The assailant likely confirmed that the inn had a rear exit before engaging, since otherwise we could easily intercept them as they escaped."
She glanced at the apothecary floor.
"Soft-tipped needles, angled low so as to strike the target's legs. Aerodynamically inferior, but virtually no risk of ricochet. Concealment in a busy location where ambient noise would drown out the sound of their movement, combined with a window position that would prevent the risk of collateral damage to patrons from them while inhibiting return fire from us.
"A difficult-to-disarm tripwire to distract one team member, followed by a seal-based trap to do the same for the other, leaving only one defender capable of deflecting the real attack. It seems we are being targeted by an opponent who relies on a functioning brain rather than raw firepower. I admit I find the experience refreshing."
As Keiko returned to checking for secondary traps, Hazō found himself once more accosted by the apothecary.
"This is an outrage!" the man spat, emerging from behind the counter where he'd taken cover. "You are driving away customers with all this clamour. Rest assured, I will be lodging a formal complaint with the Mizukage's Office!"
The client gave Hazō a gleeful "you're on your own" look.
Hazō: Deceit 24 + 6 = 26
Usui: Empathy ? + ? = -6
Hazō beguiles Usui!
Usui: Empathy ? + ? = -6
Hazō beguiles Usui!
"Sir," Hazō said in his most honeyed voice, "I humbly apologise for any inconvenience caused. Your attackers' actions were in flagrant violation of the Chūnin Exam rules, and rest assured that as soon as we are able to identify them, we will report them to the Mizukage's Office directly on your behalf. I'm sure that the relevant officials will be much quicker to address your claim if it is delivered by a ninja rather than a member of the civilian population."
Usui considered this for a second, then relaxed.
"Yes," he said, "that would be most acceptable. I apologise for my earlier outburst, esteemed ninja. Still, I must insist that you escort Miss Gisō out of my establishment and never bring her here again. I am a law-abiding man, and have no interest in the… items she peddles."
Hazō bowed, and escorted the completely unrepentant client out as soon as Noburi was finally done with the tripwire and ready to back him up.
"All clear?" he asked Keiko.
"A few minutes more," Keiko replied. "Given the calibre of the opponent we appear to be dealing with, I wish to leave no metaphorical stone unturned."
Hazō and Noburi waited uneasily outside while Keiko performed a yet more thorough sweep.
Keiko: Alertness 31 + 3 = 34
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 31
Keiko detects the trap.
Enemy: Trapbuilding ? + ? = 31
Keiko detects the trap.
"I found one more trap, this one much better concealed," she eventually reported. "A weight had been attached to the roof of the palanquin with weak adhesive, such that the palanquin's natural swaying during transport would eventually unhinge it and drop it on the client's head. I imagine that we were expected to assume that the first two traps were distractions to render us vulnerable to the needle attack, thereby failing to realise that the needle attack itself was a distraction from the real trap."
She gave a shadow of a smile. "This is much closer to the Chūnin Exam I was hoping for. It is almost a pity that we will have to comprehensively crush this team and their plans into a fine, fine dust."
The look in her eyes made Hazō shudder in spite of himself.
-o-
Buoyed by an inexplicable and frankly unnerving good mood, Keiko took the lead in the security arrangements for the group's lunch break. The table she'd chosen gave clear lines of sight to the café's door and windows, while at the same time putting enough bodies between them and the team that even a Kage would hesitate to try a projectile attack. For the first time that day, Hazō permitted himself something vaguely resembling relaxation.
This was it, he decided. The timing couldn't be better. They were all in the same place at the same time, the location was relatively secure, and the client had gone off to powder her nose, which given her anatomy could take upwards of half an hour. He leaned in to indicate a sensitive subject.
"I've had an idea."
Noburi promptly raised his hand. "Check, please!"
"Very funny. Do I need to remind you who thought of trading for information with the yakuza?"
Noburi shrugged. "Yeah, there's no way making deals with the underworld could possibly come back to haunt us. But all right, since it hasn't yet, I'm all ears."
Hazō opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, an anxious-looking waiter materialised at Noburi's side.
"Honoured shinobi," the man said in an urgent voice, "I most humbly apologise for not having your order ready yet. If you'll just give me a minute, I'll speak with the chef, and we'll make sure—"
"No," Noburi waved him away, "it's my bad. Didn't mean to catch you in the crossfire. I'll wait for my meal like everyone else."
The waiter bowed. "Thank you for your patience, honoured shinobi." He hurried away.
"Ouch," Noburi said. "After all our time in Leaf, I kind of forgot how big the ninja-civilian divide was over here."
"I know," Hazō said. "It feels weird, doesn't it? Anyway, here is what I've been thinking. Right now, all the shady people our client wants to trade with are going to be hesitant because they don't know if the goods are going to be declared illegal tomorrow. It's not so much a matter of which side the Mizukage comes down on, because some of them will be fine with trading in illegal goods as long as they make a decent profit out of it, but either way they're not going to make any big investments without knowing what the market is going to look like."
"Logical," Keiko agreed. "Doubtless this major obstacle is one of the reasons why we've been assigned this particular client, together with the dangers inherent in black market trade, whether real or simulated, and the potential for unintentionally earning the enmity of the yakuza in one way or another."
Hazō smiled. "But for once we're ahead of the game."
"Indeed. I look forward to hearing your plan for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory."
"Thank you, Keiko," Hazō gave her a pointed look. "In any case, my idea is this: we force the Mizukage's hand."
The silence lasted for a full five seconds.
"Pardon me," Keiko said slowly. "For a moment, it sounded as if you were proposing to manipulate the head of a sovereign state into making far-reaching changes to village law in order to grant a genin team an advantage in an annual examination."
"By secretly drugging and/or planting drugs on a person of influence, and then making sure they are discovered in a compromising position," Hazō added.
Keiko opened her mouth, doubtless to deliver a deadpan summary of why she had never heard anything more preposterous in her entire life. Noburi got there first.
"That is the most ninja thing I have ever heard," he said with awe.
"Noburi!" Keiko said in a tone of mixed disbelief and outrage, staring at him as if he'd invited her to join the Momochi Zabuza Fan Club.
"C'mon, Keiko," Noburi grinned. "Think of all the stories. Hanamura Uzume, who brought down a kingdom by implicating a daimyo with his general's wife. Ayame the Thrice-Lecherous, who nobody can prove started the Fang-Claw conflict. Kondo Mamoru, whose name is still cursed in seven countries two hundred years later. All of them became legends by doing things like this."
"Yes," Keiko said. "That is why they are second-rate shinobi."
"What are you talking about?"
"Shinobi are beings of shadow," Keiko explained slowly, as if to a small child. "A perfect assassination is when the target appears to have died of natural causes. A perfect theft is when the target is convinced that they misplaced the item themselves. A perfect seduction is when the target believes that they were the seducer. Do you perceive the trend?"
Noburi gave this some thought.
"What about the fireballs?"
"The fireballs," Keiko said coldly, "are inefficient. They are the product of a completely unnecessary arms race which has consumed the majority of the shinobi world's resources since time immemorial. In the right hands, the Transformation Technique is sufficient to cast down empires, yet a jōnin's power is measured by the size of the crater they leave behind when destroying their foes. If there are gods in the heavens above, how they must laugh."
"It's not that I don't enjoy scathing critiques of the shinobi world's status quo," Hazō said after a few seconds of existentially-troubled silence, "but I do want to know what you two think of my idea."
"Very well," Keiko said. She closed her eyes.
Hazō and Noburi waited patiently. There was still no sign of the client. (They'd briefly sent Keiko in to sweep the ladies' room for potential threats, so Hazō wasn't particularly worried.)
A few minutes later, she opened them again.
"Viable," she decided. "The main point in its favour is that, insofar as the legal status of narcotics is in limbo, so are the legal implications of planting them on an individual without their consent. However, concerns remain. It would be difficult to plant the drugs in a container that can be guaranteed to be opened before the Mizukage, or in a similarly conspicuous location, and if it is, we still cannot guarantee that the owner will not find some way of concealing them again before their nature can be identified. On the other hand, if we were to introduce the drugs directly into someone's system, that person's reduced self-control may lead to injury, which would be considered collateral damage under the rules of the event."
"On that topic…" Noburi gave a disturbingly diabolical grin. "I was thinking while you were using your Bloodline Limit, and I may just have an idea of my own."
"Yes?" Keiko asked warily.
"Well, if we want a target who'll still be able to take care of themselves when drugged, obviously we need to target a ninja."
Hazō and Keiko nodded.
"Then we need somebody who's important enough that them taking drugs is a big deal, but not so powerful that they can get crush us like a bug, literally or politically, if things go south."
Hazō and Keiko nodded again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Old Lizardbreath, Headmaster of the Mist Academy of the Ninja Arts."
The perfection of it took Hazō's breath away.
-o-
You have earned 3 XP. Hazō has spent 2 FP and earned 2 FP. Noburi has earned 2 FP. Keiko has earned 1 FP.
-o-
You have done your best to treat the client courteously. She has insisted on the Granny Karina appellation, which you have acceded to (but at least refused to use inside your head because it feels creepy). You have been unable to bring yourself to be flirtatious with her, but have achieved the middle ground of largely hiding how uncomfortable she makes you. You're not sure to what extent she sees through your bluff, but you are at least acting politely. You did remind her of professional standards for client-bodyguard interaction, to which she responded that in her day, when a ninja committed to fulfilling a client's needs for the duration of the mission, they committed to fulfilling all of a client's needs. It's hard to call her on this because "her day" may well predate recorded history. Worse, she acts as if she's convinced that you are on the verge of reciprocating, and are only holding back out of youthful bashfulness. This woman, if woman she be under that disguise, is good.
As an escortee, she follows instructions willingly and more or less to the letter, but does not take the initiative in securing her own well-being, instead "trusting you strapping young lads to get her out of any trouble she might get into".
She has no fixed appointments that she's told you about, but a sizeable list of persons and establishments she intends to visit, and she intends to solicit additional contact information from cooperative "dealers". She has no special dinner plans, but she has listed very specific dietary requirements caused by a combination of her advanced knowledge of the human body and her advanced age, such as refusing to eat meals containing certain common cooking herbs (which her expertise claims to be unhealthy), disliking certain kinds of meat and so on. You may have a challenging time satisfying her.
-o-
Tactical information based on your team's pooled recollections:
Headmaster Ichigaya Yasuzaemon, known out of earshot as Old Lizardbreath, is a short, fat man in his mid-fifties who wears gold-rimmed glasses even though he doesn't need them. He is a chūnin, and rumours claim him to be a T&I dropout. He was awarded his post as a reward for unspecified "services to the state" around thirty years ago, a mixed blessing since on the one hand it is a cushy, well-paid job away from the front lines, and on the other hand, he hates children. There is not one child in the Academy who does not hate him back. Each of the three of you has suffered repeatedly at his hands, being forced to endure endless litanies concerning your inferior abilities, your poor behaviour, your selfishness, your inability to integrate with the rest of the group, the many ways in which you are a disappointment to your parents, this Academy and the village, and… you get the idea. He also does not hesitate to play favourites in order to try and ingratiate himself with the village clans.
Ichigaya is a competent administrator when he's not offloading his work onto other people, and is skilled at corporal punishment. His abilities as a ninja are not known to you since he never displays any, but may include traps insofar as more or less everyone knows that he has a secret stash of alcohol in his office, and countless schoolchildren have tried and failed to steal it as a dare. He is arrogant, short-tempered and sadistic, with an ego the size of a Tailed Beast. He frequently patrols the Academy corridors in lieu of doing paperwork, dropping in on detentions in order to "show them how it's done" and making unreasonable demands of students in the middle of practical classes (he loves making people do sit-ups).
His daily routine is well-known to you. Around 7 am, he enters the Old Schoolhouse building of the Academy, having walked from his home in the northwest, and proceeds to his office, where he drinks from his hidden alcohol stash to fortify himself for the day (as you infer based on his breath if encountered in the morning). He is typically in his office until around 10 am, after which he often walks around the grounds until lunchtime. At 12, he leaves the Academy to have lunch at one of a number of nearby cafes, and returns by 2 pm. He remains in his office until at least 4 pm. He leaves the Academy at 6 pm after taking another drink from his stash (as you found out after one particularly long detention), while many other staff members, including his secretary, are still hard at work. You do not know what he does afterwards.
In addition to the hidden alcohol stash, the office contains a variety of useful documents which you have seen him consult before or after loudly upbraiding you, and it seems likely that his weekly schedule will be among them. The office has two windows and one door, which leads to his secretary's room. She is an overworked young woman who frequently snaps at the children, but always seems vaguely guilty about it afterwards.
-o-
It is now the early afternoon. You have visited the first two places on the client's itinerary, mostly successfully, and are now having lunch at a cheap and cheerful café (the client has taken mercy on you and chosen her first dining location for herself). The client is taking her time in the bathroom, so you have plenty of opportunity to discuss further plans before she returns.
What do you do?
Voting closes on Saturday 24th of March, 9 am New York time.
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- Location
- Somewhere over the rainbow
planting drugs on our former vindictive headmaster
r/pettyrevenge leaking, I see
e: More seriously, the best way I can think of that doesn't leave him yelling "poisoning!" is to slip an ingredient list into the secretary's communiques with ANBU, describing how exactly he mixes his hard drugs into alcohol. We don't need to actually plant drugs (though we probably should, just to be safe), ANBU, and therefore high level ninja opinion pretty much goes "Lizardbreath is obviously taking drugs", and now the Mizukage is forced to make a decision by the high-level ninja.
r/pettyrevenge leaking, I see
e: More seriously, the best way I can think of that doesn't leave him yelling "poisoning!" is to slip an ingredient list into the secretary's communiques with ANBU, describing how exactly he mixes his hard drugs into alcohol. We don't need to actually plant drugs (though we probably should, just to be safe), ANBU, and therefore high level ninja opinion pretty much goes "Lizardbreath is obviously taking drugs", and now the Mizukage is forced to make a decision by the high-level ninja.
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- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Keiko checked it for traps and hidden assassins, and is confident that there are none. There is only one entrance to the bathroom, and it is within your line of sight.