Eisenhelm
gran dutch of douchery
- Location
- Colombia
That is why I called hard mode.
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
Unaligned Player
Agony that desires to meet Extinction
- Location
- Adrift between sanity and madness
- Pronouns
- Shrug
And the advantage we do have in that regard of "Mind Reader GF" is nullified with "Our mind is a radioactive bear trap at the best of times", nevermind the politics.
- Location
- Texas
But like, what about marrying Ino because they love each other and think it would be neat 👉👈
Give Shikamaru a floating faucet. It will never run dry1.
1. If you supply it with water.
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This would be great! I hope that by the time we get to that point, we're strong enough to ignore the political issues.
HAZŌ: "...so you'll agree, that sometimes one ought to go pretty damn far."
INO: "Sure, that makes sense."
HAZŌ: "Right, so all I need you to do is mindwalk the Hokage. In and out, twenty minute adventure."
ASUMA, TIED TO CHAIR AND GAGGED: "Mmph! Mmph!" [Shakes head back and forth]
INO: "You make a persuasive argument, but I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with this situation..."
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
This is what I get for replying to comments while working - I misread.
I think that it's more of an unlock/gate system as opposed to exchanging boyfriend points for treason.
Marriage is definitely hard mode for doing treason without your partner noticing/getting upset. Having Shadow Clones is a pretty significant buff, and we could probably work a don't ask, don't tell deal with Ino on the subject of treason specifically...
We know from canon that mindreading is pretty obvious - it isn't subtle when they're getting in there and nosing around.
But what if that's just what they want us to think and sufficiently-skilled Yamanaka can read your mind just by (say) lovingly gazing into your eyes for a few minutes?
That dialogue choice is greyed out at the moment, but with a few more excellent dates and carefully-chosen gifts, we can totally get to the 'executed alongside Ino' ending.
(@Velorien, I am working from a very third-hand understanding of how romance visual novels work. Am I in the ballpark?)
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Mini reaction post!
to people who haven't already had a bunch of birthday updates.
The point about the window in which we can do this as a secret is a good one. Hinata is going to find out that we're dealing with fairly large quantities of gems in the next update, and she's probably immediately going to figure out that our ability to do so is tied to a jutsu based on her conversation with Shino, but if we cut them in, then she has incentives to keep it quiet, too.
Also, I now want to know if obscene quantities are strictly larger than egregious quantities.
But really, if you look at it right, this is another present for her! She probably loves social spec stuff. Maybe? She actually seems too mentally healthy for that.
Also, I believe 'dueling' has one L.
Does jewelry have one L or two? Is this another alphabetical sealing failure we rolled and didn't notice?
We might even wind up using Earthshaping to do it in a pretty direct way.
Like. Right after the big happy.
Which is how grief works, it ambushes you.
But still.
And maybe we'll get to toss a few jokes back and forth.
Also yes one time at ninja camp is funny but I don't want to encourage you to make that sort of joke more frequently so this is struck through. I see you, avian royalty man.
Hell yeah. The hivemind continues to give pretty good gifts
Huh. What would claim-jumping the monopoly look like? We're on the record with the Hokage as having thought of this first, it was a public jutsu (probably not from a clan repository?), and...yeah, I just don't know what that would look like.
The point about the window in which we can do this as a secret is a good one. Hinata is going to find out that we're dealing with fairly large quantities of gems in the next update, and she's probably immediately going to figure out that our ability to do so is tied to a jutsu based on her conversation with Shino, but if we cut them in, then she has incentives to keep it quiet, too.
Also, I now want to know if obscene quantities are strictly larger than egregious quantities.
Hmm. Did we not feel good about this because we're testing our girlfriend, or because we're taking a risk? I assume it's the deception.
But really, if you look at it right, this is another present for her! She probably loves social spec stuff. Maybe? She actually seems too mentally healthy for that.
Also, I believe 'dueling' has one L.
It feels good to be admired for one of our WMDs.
Does jewelry have one L or two? Is this another alphabetical sealing failure we rolled and didn't notice?
I like the fact that she went from 'oh my god' to 'okay, calm' that quickly. It speaks to a lot of faith in us. Which might mostly be faith in Asuma and joy at the idea of Rock taking a huge economic L, but we decided to go to Asuma, so we get part marks.
Also in the more personal sense, the mirror is a promise. Right now, the world is a broken mirror that we're piecing together. But we can and will create a new, better world out of the fragments of this one. A beautiful world, and a world that will not break.
We might even wind up using Earthshaping to do it in a pretty direct way.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm glad we actually got this moment, and I'm glad it landed like I thought it would. We are the best at gifts.
Man, that's a big sad.
Like. Right after the big happy.
Which is how grief works, it ambushes you.
But still.
Aaay, back on the boyfriend train. It's nice to see these two kids having a good time.
Awesome. Ino continues to be great, and we can probably tag Ino's Advice or whatever if it comes to rolling.
And maybe we'll get to toss a few jokes back and forth.
- Location
- United States
You can't get boyfriend points when you're married, all boyfriend points must be used or traded in when the boyfriend title is terminated.
Unaligned Player
Agony that desires to meet Extinction
- Location
- Adrift between sanity and madness
- Pronouns
- Shrug
Oh, it's not noticing the mind reading that's the problem here. It's the "Any Yamanaka that goes into Hazou's mind is likely to come out having a seizure at best." so Ino couldn't do the closet modern thing to Ninshu on him.
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
Aaaawwwwwww 🥰. All this is adorable
- Location
- Europe
There were ANBU watching and pretty sure a Hyuuga could have just watch us doing this all in the open.
And I didn't know Asuma is Goketsu, time to teach him the Pangolin Jutsu.
Damn it Hazou you dumb dumb.
Xilentxium
Existential Crisis Management
- Location
- Temperate Regions
We all know this end with the 3 of them sharing smokes, a severe nicotine addiction, and needing a week long spa trip.
Eisenhelm
gran dutch of douchery
- Location
- Colombia
Well, sharing weird bubbles in any case, Asuma is trying to kick off the habit, we may torture and betray him but we are not going to drag him down.
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- Location
- Book Fort
- Pronouns
- They/Them
[insert: "Just because we are 'bad guy' does not mean we are 'bad' guy" meme]
While scouting for the Arikada mission way back when....
...What the hell just happened?
...Why did they use the exact same words?
...Wasn't that the doomfort from one the Kagome's other realities?
...Who the hell is this person?
...What the hell just happened?
...Why did they use the exact same words?
...Wasn't that the doomfort from one the Kagome's other realities?
...Who the hell is this person?
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Fixed, thanks.
One if you're from ImperialSystem Jr, two if you're from ImperialSystem Sr. I copied that section from @Velorien's update and didn't think to check.
Yup.
Thanks for the reaction post. Those are very spoon-positive. :>
Chapter 597: Making Friends and Influencing People
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Good afternoon, Hazō," Shino said. "It is a pleasure to see you. Why? Because you stated this was about our joint venture on telescopes." He paused, then smiled slightly. "And also because you are enjoyable to talk to even when business is not at play."
"Nice save," Hazō said, offering up a reproving stare. "Anyway, yes. I have the first set of lenses for you."
He opened up the elegant wooden box he had carried in with him, revealing a custom-built interior lined in crushed velvet. Six lenses of varying size were carefully snuggled into the protective fabric.
Shino lifted out the largest of the lenses, one that was a full handspan across. He held it up to the warm afternoon light that drifted through the window and turned it this way and that, looking for imperfections or distortions. There were none. He set it back in and examined the other lenses, which ranged in size down to half an inch.
"These are exceptional quality," he said. Hazō's ears perked up at the tone of the statement; it was as complex as a high-priced wine, carrying notes of alarm and surprise and resignation all mixed together.
"Have to admit, I was hoping for more 'delight and excitement' than whatever this is," Hazō said carefully.
"I grant such," Shino said, not sounding it. "At the same time...how long did it take you to make these lenses?"
Hazō considered that. "Maybe eight hours?"
Shino shook his head. "These would have taken Aburame craftsmen days, perhaps weeks. You have rendered us obsolete. Our contacts are valuable to you for now but it will not take long for you to acquire them for yourself, at which point the Aburame have nothing to offer."
"If you're worried about us cutting you out, don't be," Hazō said. "Even if we could do so, I wouldn't want to. The relationship between our clans is far more valuable to me than whatever extra profit we might make."
Shino paused for several seconds as various responses flitted across his face but he ended up only saying, "I am pleased to hear that."
"Seriously," Hazō said, "the Gōketsu need relationships more than we need money. I'm not sure you entirely appreciate our situation...the Aburame are a Founding Clan. You are so deeply embedded in Leaf's traditions, markets, and clan relations that I suspect you don't even think about it. The Gōketsu are brand new. We need allies, relationships, and a presence and positive reputation in the community. Mutually beneficial commercial ventures with the other clans is a good first step in that direction."
"I see," Shino said. "That makes sense, I suppose."
"Good. On which subject, I'm planning to approach Hinata about a partnership in the gem market. Is there any chance you could make an introduction?"
"The gem market?" Shino asked. "Interesting."
Alarm bells started ringing in the back of Hazō's head. "Yup," he said, trying to sound casual. "The same bloo—clan abilities that let me make lenses quickly are also good for gemcutting. The Gōketsu finances have been up and down too much over the last year, and I'm tired of it. I've had Mari and Gaku scouting around for revenue sources and we recently found an excellent supplier of excellent gemstones." Both halves of that compound statement were true; they had no relationship to one another, but hopefully Shino would draw the desired incorrect inference.
Hazō, Deceit (deceive Shino without quite lying): 24 + 9 (dice!) = 33
Shino, Deceit (notice thelie deception): ? - 3 (dice) = ??
Hm.
Shino, Deceit (notice the
Hm.
"Interesting," Shino said, his face giving away no trace of his thinking. "Yes, I can make the introduction."
"Cool," Hazō said. "Thank you, Shino. I really appreciate it."
"It is no trouble." He smiled very slightly. "Indeed, helping the Gōketsu establish their finances might be considered a good investment on the part of the Aburame. Why? You are an up-and-coming clan with a growing track record of offbeat but successful thinking. If you will permit me to speak freely, I note that alliance with you is an interesting balance between risk and reward."
"Risk? Why risk?"
"The reward side of the equation comes from your ability to generate ideas such as the Ministry, which will prove to be extremely profitable if it succeeds, and to vastly increase production on various luxury goods, and the various other novelties you produce on days that end in 'y'. The risk side is that you are unpredictable. You yourself have been imprisoned for treason not once but twice, and you take offense too easily and react disproportionately to minor slights. I do not, for example, wish the Aburame to be dragged into your war with the Hagoromo, or to be splashed with Naruto's disfavor of you."
"In fairness, the first killboxing was before the Gōketsu existed," Hazō said defensively. "But I take your point. Thank you for being honest with me."
"Of course. Why? I find you to be refreshingly candid and believe that returning like for like, even if the specific points are negative, will be the best way to build a solid relationship between us personally and between our clans in general."
Hazō chuckled. "That's for true. Honestly, the pretty dance of politics leaves me tired. I wish people would just say what they mean, you know? For example, it would make things so much easier if Ritsuo would just say 'hey, I am a terrible bigot and am looking for reasons to disapprove of you.'"
Shino's normally stoic face cracked into a grin for just a moment before resuming the Aburame mask. "Being the head of a loyal and well-established Leaf ninja clan, I would obviously never use such language to describe a fellow Leaf clan."
"Out loud, anyway?" Hazō suggested.
A brief and reduced flicker of the grin came and went on Shino's face once more. "I certainly never said that."
o-o-o-o
Hinata set the last of the jewels back into their display case. She did not deactivate the Byakugan that she had been using to examine them. This was a slight faux pas according to Leaf norms as Hazō understood them, but he said nothing.
"These gems are quite remarkable," she said.
Hazō nodded. "I'm glad you think so. Like I said, the Gōketsu are interested in positive relations with the Hyūga, and a lucrative commercial partnership sounds like a good way to get that started. Hopefully this shows that we have something to bring to the table. Combining Asuma's blessing, the Tower's market intelligence, the Hyūga's contacts, and the Gōketsu supply chain...to me that sounds like a huge win to everyone. What do you think?" He didn't bother to add the 'because you can either agree or miss out'. That part, Mari had assured him, would be understood. 'Mentioning it aloud would be crass' had been her exact phrasing.
"I would be very curious as to where you found them," she said, the words very carefully not a question. A question forced an answer or a clear refusal, but a mere statement provided more flexibility of response.
"These are seven of the ten thousand eyeballs I harvested from the Dragon we killed," Hazō said, not even pretending the words were true.
Hinata smiled in return, recognizing and allowing the dodge. "I see," she said, nodding gravely. "Ten thousand, hm?"
"Yes." Hazō frowned in a hammy stage player's thoughtful expression. "Perhaps closer to twelve thousand."
"Mm-hm."
"So," Hazō said, "commercial joint venture?"
She looked over at Shino, who nodded.
"The way Hazō explained it to me is that the Gōketsu are attempting to build the sort of relationships that our clans have enjoyed since the Founding," he said.
She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head slightly.
"That was my response as well. He took it quite well when I said it aloud."
She nodded in thoughtful surprise. "Why are you approaching me?" she asked, looking to Hazō.
"The Hyūga are one of the most established, most powerful, and wealthiest clans in Leaf," Hazō said honestly. "I'm currying favor." He grinned, inviting her to share the audacious joke.
"That is most sensible," she said with a mock gravity that made his grin widen slightly. "I am delighted that you have such an appreciation for the nobility of the Hyūga clan."
"Of course," Hazō said. "So, have I curried sufficient favor to talk specifics? If not, I've got up to twelve minutes of sucking up and general sycophancy ready to go."
"Only twelve?" she asked, shaking her head sadly. "Alas, how the Hyūga have fallen in the world's estimation. Why, I remember the days when no one would dare to offer less than twenty."
"Yes, well, what can you expect from such an inexperienced novice as myself?" Hazō asked. "Virtually a barbarian. Can't be expected to know all the niceties of polite society."
"True," she said, heaving a sigh. "I do hope that the sucking-up and sycophancy contained a mixture of praise for the clan and also paeans to my personal beauty and talent?"
"Oh, very much so. I've got an entire three-minute segment on the elegance of your fingers, if you'd like to hear it?"
She raised an eyebrow in doubt. "I very much doubt that it is possible to come up with three minutes of non-repetitive peroration about fingers."
"My Lady, I pray you will grant me the smallest touch of your delicate hand," Hazō began instantly. "The grace from such slender yet powerful fingers would raise the fortunes of my clan for a thousand years. I have seen the speed and perfection of your handseals, those luscious digits dancing effortlessly through the most complex—"
"I sit corrected," she said quickly. "Shall we discuss specifics?"
Hazō grinned and mentally checked off the next item on his 'gain friends and influence' list.
Author's Note: Hazō did not mention the idea of having Neji look at the Great Seal. It seemed like a bad idea to him, since it would require Neji to cross 1,000+ miles of terrain and half a dozen clan territories (or persuade a turtle to swim that far through Shark territory), only to need to marry a giant spider in order to get within a few dozen yards of a ravening of extradimensional monsters in order to look at a thing that might or might not burn his eyeballs to ash. If you really want to have Hazō do this then you can vote it in again and that will be sufficient to override Hazōpilot.
XP AWARD: 3 I think this fits into one day, assuming Hazō did some of the gem/lens creation in the evening/very early morning.
Brevity XP: 1
Vote time! What to do now?
Voting ends on Wednesday, .
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Jashin giveth and He taketh away. Praise be
- Location
- United States
Currently a WIP. I'll likely restructure it to avoid reiterating the timeline step-by-step in the final version, for word count if nothing else. Until then, thoughts?
EDIT: Also to add the Shikamaru situation
TL;DR Two scene plan where we discuss the Akane leak and take the Sealing Exam.
[X] Action Plan: It's Time to Talk About Akane
EDIT: Also to add the Shikamaru situation
TL;DR Two scene plan where we discuss the Akane leak and take the Sealing Exam.
[X] Action Plan: It's Time to Talk About Akane
- Gather Mari/Kei/Snowflake/Noburi under highest OPSEC
- The circumstances around Akane's disapperance are extremely suspicious.
- Go over the timeline
- Jan 5, noon: Akane is assigned mission
- Already, things are odd.
- Team Akane only formed a month earlier.
- This is very early for this type of mission.
- Jan 6, morning: TA leave Leaf
- Jan 6, (unknown): Attackers enter Fire and find TA's tracks
- It was at least half a day (4 hrs) travel for them
- Another ~1.5 hours to reach campsite
- They must have been camped very close to the border.
- Spies wouldn't have followed their trail.
- This team was a deliberate attack squad with a prearranged mission
- It was at least half a day (4 hrs) travel for them
- Jan 6-7, (before sunrise): Attackers enage TA
- Even with skywalkers, they should not have been able to bypass TA's security perimeter.
- Akane herself is not an easy target, especially since she definitely had warning
- Jan 6-7, (unknown): Attackers leave Fire
- All told, they traveled ~7 hours and must have used barely any chakra in the attack.
- They also had to be camped right on the border in advance.
- Given the timing, this was arranged before Akane even got her mission
- Jan 5, noon: Akane is assigned mission
- Akane was specifically given this mission by someone implanted in the Tower so that she would be out of the village and vulnerable to this pre-planned assassination.
- Most likey suspect is Ruka, who both assigned Akane the unusual mission and didn't report it as overdue.
- She was seriously softballed in her questioning and was allowed to not answer whatever she didn't like.
- She needs to be properly interrogated at T&I. Ideally, mindwalked as well. Does this meet the threshold for "village security?"
- What do we do from here?
- How much should we tell Ami?
- What about Ino?
- How should we approach Asuma?
- Are we ready to open her will?
- OFFSCREEN
- Instruct Kagome to investigate how Akane's perimeter could have been breached.
- Take Sealing Exam
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- Location
- Yes.
Hazou should really stop using Shadow Clones in conversation.
@eaglejarl @Velorien @Paperclipped are we still waiting for results from Sealing rolls for Chapter 595?
- Location
- Fifth Dimension
[X] Action Plan: It's Time to Talk About Akane
[X] Action Plan: Six Sigma
Word Count: <300
Time of Plan: 10 days
[X] Action Plan: Six Sigma
Word Count: <300
Time of Plan: 10 days
- Mari/Kei
- Getting Kagome SC. Should be easy with Dragons and his sealing, right? If not, what can we offer? Maybe mandatory OPSEC classes for Kagome?
- Yuno SC as well, and work on Noburi
- Is it safe for him? Ask Kabuto? Noburi himself?
- Akane's mission was leaked, we need to find out how/from who and prepare accordingly. Also look into seeing if any of the rest of us are being targeted as such. Also if there are any deniable assets she knows of who could've done this
- Possible candidates: Asuma? Shikamaru? He was uncharacteristically lax about her death and even Asuma noted it.
- Why and how? Shikamaru might communicate with the Five for world stability, he's mentioned that before. Wanted to wipe out entire villages for it.
- Possible candidates: Asuma? Shikamaru? He was uncharacteristically lax about her death and even Asuma noted it.
- Possible collaboration on Mari's training. Looking for optimization, realize we won't have full control
- Same with Kagome and Yuno, ask how to approach this/to get this.
- Asuma (likely off-screen)
- Sanity check with Mari/Kei
- Discuss getting Kagome SC for Dragonwar. More Kagome-level sealing is big help.
- Probe about Yuno and Noburi SC also.
- Continue with lessons
- Mari
- Go forth and investigate how to get SC for Kagome, Yuno, and Noburi if nothing comes up immediately.
- Hazou/Sealing
- Continue work on Minato's Seals (no prep, reroll -9, 12 calligraphy if chunin seal or lower).
- Use a clone to multi-thread, work on Directional Explosives (no prep, reroll -9, -12 calligraphy)
- Once complete, do 1 day prep on Rocket Boots, if chunin seal or lower use same standards as DE, if jonin proceed with full prep.
- Once Rocket Boots is complete, use shadow clones and 1 day prep to check seals from the list. Have Kagome work on the blood tracking and security seal if possible.