Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
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- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Fifth Dimension
Yeah...if we could somehow take back those Jiraiya notes...
Agreed but...maybe wait until he's officially the summoner/can summon? Otherwise if we use that, there's a non-zero chance that Asuma takes it away and sees us as trying to gain too many advantages from the 'supposed' threat of the Dragons/Great Seal. We don't know if Asuma truly believes us yet. Even the Dragon remains is more of "a threat exists" than "all of reality is at stake".
I...don't think we want jutsu, only because we have a backlog already that we haven't 'made' from the Wakahisa and possibly the Leaf Library. I know I suggested jutsu before, but because of that, I think that's a mistake.
Also as said before, I don't think we want Oro on the Great Seal. He may decide he wants more Dragon specimen to test and let them out. Afterall, Hazou killed one so he has no reason to fear them.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
I'd actually argue that was the only one where we got equal value. Dog scroll was super good buff
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I definitely want Orochimaru-tier jutsu over whatever pittance the Wakahisa were willing to give up, personally
Interlude: The Mission that Time Forgot, Part 1
- Location
- UK
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Interlude: The Mission that Time Forgot, Part 1
Hidden safely behind the barriers, Yūsuke counted down the seconds to the grand success that would turn his career around. No more watching stinking idiots get promoted over his head practically out of the Academy just because they had shiny clan names. When Hayasaka saw the amazing fruits of Yūsuke's original research, Yūsuke just knew he'd award him the assistant supervisor position there and then. He would have funding, and recognition, and people would start inviting him to parties, and he would finally be ready to ask—
There was a dull pop.
Yūsuke waited some more, in case the pop was a prelude to greatness.
He waited some more.
There was a deafening burst of laughter from over his shoulder.
"Hey, look, Kagami screwed up another prototype! Ready to admit that your Seal of Sucking is impossible after all?"
Yūsuke had exactly three things he was good at, and unfortunately, clever names weren't one of them. Still, he really regretted describing his new idea as "a seal that sucks and then explodes" in front of the entire facility. Worse, if he couldn't come up with a better name by the time he finished the project, he knew for a fact that his new seal would be known as Kagami's Seal of Sucking for the rest of time.
With a sigh, he began to clear up the safety measures. There were way too many of those, and it always took forever, especially when nobody helped. The lab was very strict about research safety, even though people didn't die that often, and when they did, it was usually because they'd done something stupid. By the time you got to Yūsuke's level, you understood that a sealmaster couldn't get anywhere without an acceptable amount of risk. Maybe one day he'd have students of his own, who'd actually listen when he explained these things to them, and not call him suicidally reckless just because he forgot to turn on the spectral dehumidifier that one time.
It was late by the time Yūsuke had finished, but luckily the lights lining the path down the mountain were still lit. The walk back down to the village proper was still long and draining, but going downhill after a hard day's research beat dragging himself uphill in the late mornings into a cocked hat.
"Yūsuke," Dad grunted, looking up from a technique scroll he'd been studying at the table. "How was work?"
Yūsuke gave a tired smile. "I'm nearly there, Dad. Just a little more tinkering, and I'll have an exploding seal bigger and better than you've ever seen. Whenever people centuries from now hear the name Kagami, the first thing they'll think of Kagami's Seal of… mumblemumble."
"Centuries, huh?" Dad chuckled. "Someone's confident. You up to fixing dinner tonight?"
"Of course I am!"
Kagami Yūsuke might only have had three things he was good at, but he was very, very good at them. Whipping up a feast fit for a Kage in half an hour with inferior ingredients? Child's play. (Which it had been, back when Dad was working a single father's worth of missions and barely had time to sleep, never mind cook.) Yūsuke headed straight for the cupboard—
The vision faded, leaving only the darkness of the mountain path. They'd laughed at him when he suggested placing lamps to make the descent safer, making fun of his night vision which was as good as any ninja's. People always laughed at Yūsuke when he made sensible suggestions, which was why he never collaborated on research projects. Well, that and all the other sealmasters were stinking idiots, so he wouldn't have worked with them even if they asked.
As for Dad, it couldn't be helped that he was a morning bird. One of these days they'd be at home and awake at the same time, and until then, sandwiches were fine. He was too tired to cook when he got back from work anyway.
-o-
Yūsuke had meant today to be a day of study at the Monastery of the Long Path, which was entrusted with extremely dangerous ancient sealing lore (so, in short, ancient sealing lore), and whose scribe-monks refused to let so much as a scrap of parchment out of their badly-lit vaults. (Then again, Yūsuke's first sealing lab was still a perfectly hemispherical crater with a petrified ibex in the middle, so maybe they had a point.) Not that Yūsuke had a problem with spending his day in peace and quiet poring over fascinating if badly-organised data instead of being mocked by his so-called peers over trivial mistakes that could've happened to anybody.
Of course, Yūsuke wasn't that lucky. In fact, he was downright miserable at being called not to the mission office, not even before the Raikage (who had a reputation as a decent sort, as long as you didn't catch him in a desk-splitting mood), but to the office of the dreaded Spymaster M, who chewed up the likes of Yūsuke and didn't always spit them out.
M, a giant of a man who'd won every taijutsu competition before the injury, glared at him like Yūsuke had blown up his cat (it probably hadn't been his cat, and it had been a long time ago and an accident anyway). "So kind of you to finally join us, Kagami. Sit your ass down and listen up."
"S-Sir," Yūsuke stammered, "are you sure you have the right person? I'm a research sealmaster. I'm not the best at… fieldwork."
"Are you refusing a mission, soldier?" M growled.
"N-No, sir!"
"Then shut your damn mouth."
One of the other ninja in the room, that stinking idiot Yasaka, sniggered under his breath. Yūsuke wondered for the thousandth time if it was possible to blow someone up thoroughly enough that ANBU couldn't investigate the murder due to lack of evidence.
Of course, M didn't enforce discipline when Yasaka was involved, him with his perfect hair and his silver tongue and his many girlfriends who were probably only with him because he was a rich clan boy.
M pointed to a weathered-looking map on the desk in front of him. "Your objective for this mission is located in Mōnai, in the north of the Fire Country. Murasaki, you've done Fire Country infiltrations before. Bring the rest up to speed for me."
Yūsuke had been so nervous he hadn't even noticed Ayako in the room. Ayako being on the mission changed everything.
"Mōnai is one of the three major cities of the Fire Country along with Tanzaku Gai and Keishi," Ayako said in her beautiful, refreshing voice that flowed like a mudslide with snow and ice mixed in. "It's traditionally been a low-priority target for raiders because of its heavily-protected granaries and the fact that much of the city's wealth is invested in architecture, art, and other illiquid resources—that's ones that a raiding party can't just pick up and carry away, Kagami. I suppose you could carry away a painting or a vase or something if you wanted, but most ninja don't tend to think in terms of trading in the fine arts market after they're done looting and burning.
"It's also a castle town, and there's no way of knowing how many ninja are stationed inside the castle, if any, or what defences it has, without solid intel."
"Which we have," M said smugly. "To cut a long story short, in five days' time, the city's defences will be extra-thin, and we'll make sure they're that bit thinner with a diversion in the area. During that time, you four infiltrate the city in disguise—we'll have travel papers ready for you—get into the castle, and destroy your objective, Target N."
"What does N stand for?" Yūsuke interrupted.
"It stands for 'need to know'," M snapped. "Which also happens to be spymaster speak for 'Shut up and listen until I'm done'."
Yūsuke's heart, already beating so hard it hurt from being in the same room as Ayako, picked up the pace. After his time in crypto, it was hard to believe that anything could still be classified for him. What could Target N be? Forbidden lore foretelling the end of the world? An experimental subject from one of Leaf's many secret projects, with unimaginable psychic powers? A seal-powered war machine scavenged from the remains of Hidden Whirlpool?
"Unfortunately," M went on, "we have no idea where exactly Target N is, and your window isn't going to be anywhere near long enough to search an entire damn castle, especially if that Leaf asshole was smart enough to remodel it with hidden rooms. That's where you come in, Kagami."
"Me?" Kagami swallowed. If he was going to have to fight, especially in front of Ayako…
"I'm told you're some kind of demolitions savant. Do you reckon you can level a castle within an hour?"
Yūsuke checked to make sure he wasn't obviously drooling.
"Equipment clearance, sir?"
M smirked. "Go wild."
"I'll do it," Yūsuke said resolutely. Ayako would see just what he was capable of. They'd all see just what he was capable of.
-o-
To be continued.
- Location
- Yes.
Oh shit this is the scorch squad mission Kagome went on, wasn't it.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
It's a fortress in the north of Fire Country, it checks out. He goes missing after the mission, hops the nearest border north into Iron, starts living in the forests there.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
>target N is a leaked bloodline in the form of a young girl who looks like Honoka
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
Wait... did Kagami Yūsuke really lose his name in a sealing incident, like he an unrelated but charming gentleman claimed so long ago?
... Or is he bad at lying
... Or is he bad at lying
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
I like to think he initially just made up a very bad fake name on the spot, but over time grew to consider 'Kagome' as a real name in its own right. A new life, a new family, a new name. He's a different person than he was before going missing, who says that new person can't be Goketsu Kagome in truth?
- Location
- Yes.
When we first met him he too easily lost himself in his own thoughts. Also, his social stats were fuckin' awful. Methinks his 15 years of isolation made him flub up even his own name.
Either that or the sealing failures got to it.
- Pronouns
- She/Her/They/Them
Or he started using that name and grew used to it ages ago. Changing your name when you go missing doesn't sound like a terrible idea.
MrRobot
In doubt there's always the Sun!
Someone else find this extremely ironic?
It is obviously Jiraiya's latest story, which is why it is split into multiple parts most of which cannot be posted on here. It was intended to be a present for Kagome: a fake past to cover the painful regrets of a fellow seal researcher.
- Location
- Yes.
...did Jiraiya ever know that Kagome was from Cloud?
Put Kagome in the vicinity of a spymaster, see how many secrets remain.
Not that anything that I write here has more than a tenuous grounding on the lore, mind.
Do these give XP for studying?
- Location
- Yes.
I know Jiraiya's better but Shikaku shouldn't have been a slouch in the info-gathering department.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
No, voting is closed. I'm going to write at least one of the boss conversations.
Lupchanz origin story, here we go! 😈
- Location
- The Soviet Republic of Canuckistan
- Pronouns
- He/Him
There's a difference between his past and other secrets he might keep (i.e. details of secret techniques).
To find something out about his past, you either need to talk to him or find another clue. The latter is almost impossible because that trail has been cold for fifteen years, and the former is not likely because he's just going to shut up because of trauma among other reasons. He doesn't talk to anyone about his past. Anything he does say is hard to follow up on, because, again, fifteen year cold case that was probably hushed up at the time.
A competent social spec could probably ferret out any information that Kagome would share with a trusted associate, without too much difficulty.
- Location
- Europe
Different mission:
Ayako probably died later:
And then he left:
So:
- Leaf scorch squad mission
- Ayako seduction
- Stuff
- Doom fortress
As for Shikaku:
Shikamaru: "Bla bla saving world, bla bla Nara smart"
Meanwhile Shikaku:
Shikaku married a civilian women that he loved while hanging out with his bros. +Cake
Shikamaru needs to work his ass of and is forced to exist in Kei's romance story.
Worst dad award for him.
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