Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

faflec · Jul 16, 2018

Briefvoice said:
So did eagljarl ever reveal what the mysterious bad thing the group was missing was all about?

That once we trounce the first part the logical step would be for us to gather all the Genin in one place. At which point Akatsuki can kidnap us all at once instead of having to go to several different locations.

Emstar · Jul 16, 2018

faflec said:
Also, I'd like to point out the defenses Shin and co. decided to erect:

Like, goddamn. A bunch of trees with some areas doused with oil? No explosives? No tripwires?

Fuckin' what was this team smoking???

>tfw you are team of 9 veteran village genin
>at least 3 of your members should be familiar with Team Uplift level tactics
> you believe that a pile of dead trees pointing outwards along with some oil thrown about and the ocasional stake is somehow a sufficient defense
>you believe that this is a defense at all against the team renowned for using 100x more explosions than it would take to level a forest as a mere scouting tactic
>you do not connect the dots and realize you are building your own funeral pyre

What the hell do they teach these noobs in school?

Vecht · Jul 16, 2018

[X] Gather the defeated Genin all in concentric circles and test the efficacy of stacked implosion seals

faflec · Jul 16, 2018

MMKII said:
>tfw you are team of 9 veteran village genin
>at least 3 of your members should be familiar with Team Uplift level tactics
> you believe that a pile of dead trees pointing outwards along with some oil thrown about and the ocasional stake is somehow a sufficient defense
>you believe that this is a defense at all against the team renowned for using 100x more explosions than it would take to level a forest as a mere scouting tactic
>you do not connect the dots and realize you are building your own funeral pyre

What the hell do they teach these noobs in school?

How to Build Your Own Funeral Pyre, by Kurosawa Shitn.

Vecht · Jul 16, 2018

"Genin cicles" is actually not a bad unit of measurement for explosives. We could use the empirical evidence to establish probabalistic bounds on "meatpaste," "lethal," "severe injury," etc.

Ishtar · Jul 16, 2018

Vecht said:
[X] Gather the defeated Genin all in concentric circles and test the efficacy of stacked implosion seals

I say we use em for bio seal experimenting.

"Yes, all of the other genin are dead and the dimension of time has been destroyed, but our research has leapt forward 10 uh.. somethings."

Ahhh, how I long to meet snake uncle.

nevereatcars · Jul 16, 2018

HOOOOOOOO, GOKETSU MOTHERFUCKERS YOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hYGP · Jul 16, 2018

By the way, Team Kurenai should've noted that we had a ludicrous amount of explosive seals that we used to stomp them in the spar, but I bet something like this conversation happened:

SHIN: Look it's okay we got this; they've probably used up most of their signature explosives by now, and even if they didn't, they can't afford to throw them around like candy or else they'd hurt us, right?

HINATA: (flashbacks to Kagome Manuever) I believe you may be underestimating the depth of their explosive seal reserves and their willingness to use them.

SHIN: Oh come on, it's not like they have nonlethal demolitions tags, everybody knows that that's a contradiction in terms!

HINATA: (flashbacks intensify) I ... guess this makes some sense, but I just want to say I think we're still underestimating them.

Cariyaga · Jul 16, 2018

I know I've said this before, but the absolute best part of all this is that at this point it doesn't actually matter whether we get into the tournament, as long as we make a sufficiently... explosive showing. They won't be able to keep this kind of a thing under wraps, and it will be glorious.

Emstar · Jul 16, 2018

Cariyaga said:
I know I've said this before, but the absolute best part of all this is that at this point it doesn't actually matter whether we get into the tournament, as long as we make a sufficiently... explosive showing. They won't be able to keep this kind of a thing under wraps, and it will be glorious.

We just utterly humiliated the Hyuga, Aburame and Inuzaka heirs.

On paper they had the upper hand by an order of magnitude. They still fucked up flawlessly in creating traps,defenses and in combat.

Cariyaga · Jul 16, 2018

MMKII said:
We just utterly humiliated the Hyuga, Aburame and Inuzaka heirs.

On paper they had the upper hand by an order of magnitude. They still fucked up flawlessly in creating traps,defenses and in combat.

Also by fighting us. At all.

MadScientist · Jul 16, 2018

MMKII said:
Hinata just ~~ran away~~ took one step and faceplanted into goo.

Emstar · Jul 16, 2018

Cariyaga said:
Also by fighting us. At all.

Yes but the point is: either Hiashi has to eat crow and admit we are massively superior to his offspring or the cover story is his offspring is weaksauce.

Either are great for us! Eat shit Team Kurenai.

MadScientist said:
*stuff*

Yeah, I removed that bit but its one of many choice elements of this to make fun of.

Ishtar · Jul 16, 2018

Cariyaga said:
I know I've said this before, but the absolute best part of all this is that at this point it doesn't actually matter whether we get into the tournament, as long as we make a sufficiently... explosive showing. They won't be able to keep this kind of a thing under wraps, and it will be glorious.

A lot of spin teams are being scrambled right about now.

Edit: Oh and @faflec I just wanted to say that everytime I feel panic in real life now, a tiny voice in the back of my head says "SCREAMING IN KAGOME"

So that's something.

Cariyaga · Jul 16, 2018

So... it occurs to me...

...We could just keep Kiri's barrel for the next round of the exams, if we don't drain too much from it. 'Cause, you know. Having an extra however-much-we-have-left for pangolin summoning can only mean good things.

Velorien · Jul 16, 2018

[wakes up]

[reaches for phone while brain is very reluctantly engaging; switches to thread]

[instant intravenous-coffee wakefulness]

"They did WHAT."

Magnive · Jul 16, 2018

Had to drop out of the discussion because I couldn't keep up with the pace, but goddamn, was that satisfying to read. The pain train is picking up steam!

Dictator4Hire · Jul 16, 2018

Talking portion reaction before the action part, because an update like this has to be savored.

eaglejarl said:
"No, Hazō, we are not doing that," Kei said, not looking at him as she spoke; she was too intent on setting up the second Air Dome seal. The seal didn't require the sort of precision alignment that a Lesser Barrier Formation did, but it irked her when one of the boys would set them up in a slapdash, non-parallel way.

Lost in his thoughts, Hazō blinked back to his surroundings at the sound of Kei's voice. "What? I didn't say anything."

Kei activated the seal, enclosing the nine members of the team, plus Pankurashun, in the momentary shimmer of the forming dome, then straightened and turned to face him.

"You noticed that there is an exploit in the rules which would allow us to profit by crippling all our competitors and were debating with yourself whether it would be good to exploit that fact."

"But—"

"Wait, what?" Kato demanded. "How can crippling people be good? Why would you even want to think about that?"

"The rules have an exploit in them," Kei said calmly. "There are three separate penalties related to crippling injuries: Minus two hundred for causing it. Minus fifty for being onsite when one is caused. Minus fifty for being a teammate of someone who is onsite. If the penalties stack, then the following sequence would be a net gain for a red team: Disable blue team. Send all but one member of red team offsite. Remaining member cripples all blue team members. For each victim, the person inflicting the injury would receive a total of minus two hundred and fifty points for causing the injury and being onsite. The rest of the red team would receive minus fifty points for being that person's teammate. The rest of the blue team would receive minus one hundred points for both being onsite and being the teammate of an injured person. Using this strategy, one member of a red team could sacrifice themself to give the rest of the team a benefit. In addition, anyone with a crippling injury would not be able to participate in the second round, or in the tournament. It would make it far more likely for the red team to progress."

All six of Team Uplift's temporary teammates were staring in horror.

"That's..." Fukai tried.

"How..." Haga tried.

"Why would you even think of something like that?!" Gomi demanded, horrified.

"Because thinking about the most horrible thing the rules allow you to do isn't the same as actually doing it, duh. How else are we suppose to best prove our superiority than to cleverly find the way they expect us to do this event and then choose not to because we are powerful enough to do so? Tsk, tsk children; you need to learn to think on multiple layers no matter how repugnant said layers may be. Your most dangerous enemies certainly will."

eaglejarl said:
The three Gōketsu warriors instinctively closed ranks, standing side-by-side with arms folded. Pankurashun stood at rest a pangolin-step back, observing the byplay with calm interest.

"We left Mist because the teachings here are repugnant," Kei said, her voice flat. "Leaf accepted our repatriation, but we spent almost two years labeled as missing-nin before the political situation allowed them to do so publicly. We spent over five hundred nights in hostile territory, most of it in the middle of wilderness too far off the map to have had its threat population reduced. We have been assaulted by probably three dozen genin, a dozen chūnin, and...." She turned to look at her sibs. "What, five? Six jōnin?"

Noburi thought about it, frowning. "Not sure. There was the one we crushed, the one that got buried when the building collapsed, and that attack by the cave. Hard to say, but somewhere between two and four of those guys were jōnin, maybe?"

Kei shrugged and turned back to the rest of the 'team'. "Somewhere between three and six jōnin. Most of those ninja are dead."

The other six looked impressed and more than a little daunted.

"We have been betrayed, hounded, forced to live in the wilds, and attacked at every turn. We have survived by being stronger and more vicious than everything we faced." Pause, let the thought dangle for just a moment. "And by murdering everyone and everything that got in our way." She shifted her right foot forward half a step and met Haga's eyes; the other girl was the one most likely to act out and disrupt the alliance that the Gōketsu were attempting to form. So long as she was properly cowed there would be no spark to ignite the conflagration.

Mentally, Kei ran down the list of the most vulnerable points on Haga's body and imagined herself putting a kunai through each of them. Throat would be optimal for a quick kill; the motions were there, trained so deep into muscle memory that she merely had to decide to act and it would be done. Left elbow back, palm turning up to expose the knife in the sheath on her forearm. Right hand stroking along the arm, fingers catching on the pommel of the blade, pulling it from the sheath and continuing the motion forward, the final flick of the wrist, her extended fingers making one end of a line that joined her hand to the gushing wound in Haga's throat. The way the girl's body would drop like a string-cut puppet when the blade pierced her spine. The fountain of blood would not reach this far, so Kei would not have to wipe her eyes, meaning that she could—

MMMmmmmm dat power play. HNNNGGGG

Also Keiko accidentally making everyone else piss their pants is adorkable.

(I'm not sure what that says about me as a person, but w/e (don't judge me))

eaglejarl said:
Haga paled and stepped back, raising her hands placatingly. "Right. Yes, no worries. We're all friends here."

"Allies."

"Keiko!" Noburi said, turning to her with a reproving look. "Don't be rude." He turned to the other six. "Sorry, I apologize for her. We're all under a lot of stress; it's very important to us, and to our father, Jiraiya, that we make it to the tournament, and she's a little too focused on that. There's a lot of political stuff behind it, but the upshot is that we're a new clan and we really need to do well or it's going to have bad consequences back home, so there's a lot riding on this event. I'm really glad that you guys are here, though. Your skills are a great fit for ours and we couldn't do this without you."

"Yes, we c—"

"Keiko!" Hazō hissed. "Be. Nice!"

Kei closed her mouth and breathed calming breaths, her face utterly blank. This was her role in the little play that they were putting on: the terrifying one who did not want the other six here, while Hazō and Noburi would both be 'good guy', welcoming the others and supporting them against her 'dislike'. Honestly, she had no idea why the boys thought she could pull off 'terrifying'—she was a competent genin, but terrifying? Hardly. Still, people did seem to react oddly when you laid out simple facts for them in a calm way, and she'd had moderate success with the 'imagine yourself killing them' trick that Jiraiya had explained to her.

Oh, wait—Pankurashun was looming behind her. Of course. That explained it.

Giant murder-balls are threatening.

Who woulda thunk it?

Also her inaccurate characterization of herself is still a problem apparently.

GIRL WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO TO PROVE TO YOU THAT YOU ARE MORE THAN COMPETENT?!?!?

I guess we should be thankful she considers herself competent now but Jashin-dammit gurl, YOU ARE A SUMMONER!

SUMMONERS ARE SCARY AND POWERFUL.

THEREFORE, YOU ARE SCARY AND POWERFUL.

END OF DISCUSSION.

eaglejarl said:
"Allies sounds good," Kato said nervously. "I'm in. Just...we're not doing the crippling thing, are we?"

MRW

eaglejarl said:
"Of course not," Hazō said, shaking his head.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Don't worry Hazou; someday you'll be ready for that level of pragmatism and I will be ready to guide you when it comes.

eaglejarl said:
"The Exams are all about coming together in a spirit of friendly competition instead of going to war. We're all here because we're among the best our villages have to offer, so we're going to be given more and more responsibility as time goes on. We'll probably meet again in the future, so it makes sense for everyone to be on good terms."

"Right," Fukai said. "Makes sense, definitely." She paused, clearly looking for a topic change, and then found it: she gestured up. "What's with the dome?"

"It blocks attacks and, more importantly, sound," Hazō said. "We don't want the proctor hearing us planning tactics. Like I said, Mist has been cheating since day one—I'm sure you guys had your own problems, but before the swamp event the proctors were loudly talking about where me, Keiko, and Noburi would be starting from. Then they dropped us off last so everyone had plenty of time to set up a whole gauntlet for us. We had to go through...two or three different ambush sites, I think? I wasn't sure about one of them, might have just been jumping at shadows. We were moving pretty fast and Panashe was clearing the road for us. You'll meet her later—she's a special operations pangolin. She does sneaking, assassination, scouting, that kind of thing. Nice woman."

The other six spent a moment digesting the juxtaposition of 'assassination', 'pangolin', and 'nice woman'.

Ugh, fine, I can't be angry when we have a logical, political reason for not being ~~efficiently~~ entirely ruthless.

I do have to give props for the great segue from talking about the benefits of cooperation into a "oops, did that intimidate you?" follow up.

It's good for branding.

eaglejarl said:
"Anyway," Hazō continued, "for the third event, they gave us a client who was selling illegal goods. She spent the whole time hitting on me and Noburi while insulting Keiko. Then she cheated us out of half our points—we arranged for her to make six hundred thousand ryō, but only half of it was in Mist currency and she refused to change the rest before going in. Then, in the fourth event, my public role was a barely-disguised version of Jiraiya and my secret role was 'Leaf defector seeking mist intelligence worker'. Keiko was 'blood cult leader seeking cult member', and Noburi was 'man with erectile dysfunction seeking miracle cure peddler'."

Noburi rolled his eyes. "You had to tell them, didn't you?" he mumbled.

"You had to ask a rhetorical question, didn't you?"

eaglejarl said:
Hazō spared him an unrepentant shrug before turning back to the other six. "Not only are those insulting, but how are you supposed to hint at them without giving them away completely?" He shook his head.

Yet here we stand about to whoop some serious ass despite all of the previous shenanigans.

Go team!

eaglejarl said:
"Anyway, this round they're teaming us with six people who mostly have no experience working together." He grinned. "Fortunately, they're idiots because they gave us you guys, and you're a perfect fit for what I think we should do."

Kato raised an eyebrow. "Really? I'm a perfect fit? Me, a ninja with almost no combat ability?"

Hazō nodded. "Yep. You do crypto, which we'll need to verify the documents." He paused, then raised a hand and held it in front of his mouth. "We should probably cover up, just in case anyone's around who can lipread. Especially you guys, since you're facing the proctor."

The others hesitated, but followed instructions.

FOOLISH FOREIGN GENIN, THE HIVEMIND CAN OPTIMIZE ALL ~~TOOLS~~ PEOPLE AT ITS DISPOSAL!

eaglejarl said:
"Okay," Hazō said. "Here's the deal. The maximum number of points that we can score in this event is a hundred and eighty-five, even if we got our assigned documents and turned them in in the first five minutes. That's not enough to get us"—he indicated his sibs—"out of the hole we got into last event. But! It's not our absolute score that matters as far as getting into the tournament, it's the relative scores. If we make sure that everyone else gets a lot of penalty points, that's the same as us getting more positive points. So, I'm thinking we go with the strategy Doigama suggested earlier: we take out everyone we can. But, before we get down to operational details, is there anyone that any of you would like to put on the 'friendly, do not punch' list? I think one person for each of us would make sense."

BEHOLD THAT I AM A GENEROUS AMALGAMATION OF INTELLIGENCES! I PERMIT YOU TO CHOOSE ONE GENIN NOT ON THIS TEAM TO BE SPARED OUR WRATH!

CHOOSE WISELY FOR OUR FISTS ARE MIGHTY AND RIGHTEOUSLY PUNCH FACES!

eaglejarl said:
Gomi glanced at his teammate, Haga, and got an answering shake of the head. "Nah, we're good. Kill 'em all, let the Sage sort 'em out." He grinned, then suddenly looked nervous. "That's a joke. We shouldn't actually kill them."

"Fukai?"

The girl shook her head. "No one from my village remains in the Exams and there is no one that I have bonded with enough to leave out of the ass-beating we are about to administer." She flicked her fingers and reached down; portions of the ground at her feet leaped upwards, forming into a shield that slid over her left arm and a one-handed mace with blunted spikes on the head. She shot them a feral smile, twirling the mace in one hand like a baton.

"Nope," said Kato. "I'm good."

"Nah," Doigama replied, grinning. "I'm with Gomi and Fukai: let's beat all the ass."

"What about that other guy from your village?" Hazō asked, trying hard not to sound accusing. He'd hoped that Doigama would bring it up on his own.

The other boy snorted. "Tanaka? He can go fuck himself. Asshole's from the richest clan in Wolf and he loves to lord it over the rest of us. The whole reason I came up with this plan was because I was looking for an excuse to kick that bastard's teeth down his throat." He paused, then hurried to add, "I'm not calling dibs or anything, though. I'd love to be the one who punches his face in, but I care more about it happening than about doing it myself."

THIS PLEASES THE HIVEMIND: NONE SHALL BE SPARED FROM THE GLORIOUS ASS WHOOPING!

eaglejarl said:
Kei nodded approvingly. "Very pragmatic."

Translation: "(unintentional) Boo."

eaglejarl said:
Doigama seemed nonplussed at the compliment (why???), but he said only, "Thanks."

Translation: "OH GOD THE SCARY CHICK TALKED TO ME; MY PANTS ARE RUINED!"

eaglejarl said:
"No one I care about, either," Ikemoto said. "I'd rather have the points."

Hazō glanced at Kei and Noburi. "ISC?"

Kei nodded. "Most definitely. Maintaining positive relations with them is critical."

"Seconded," Noburi said.

Hazō nodded. "Okay, there's one squad that we don't want to hurt: Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, and Akimichi Chōji. You guys know who they are?" He looked around, checking to make sure that he got six nods in reply. "Cool. If they attack you, do what you've got to, but don't start it until we've had a chance to talk to them.

"Now, Doigama, you proposed the plan and I don't want to steal your thunder, but I've got some ideas for implementation. Tell me what you think...."

ERR, SCRATCH WHAT THIS HIVEMIND SAID EARLIER: OUR POLITICAL ALLIES WILL BE MOSTLY SPARED FOR CLAN REASONS, BUT THERE WILL STILL BE PLENTY OF PUNCHING TO GO AROUND.

eaglejarl said:
The last of the sand was trickling out of the hourglass when the team emerged from the Air Dome. Hazō immediately moved to the proctor, who was still lounging against the bole of a tree.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he asked. "I had a few questions about the rules, if you don't mind. First, does the round end for us when we turn in our documents?"

The proctor rolled her eyes, not bothering to move otherwise. "Weren't you listening, kid? The instructions explictly said that the round doesn't end until a proctor says it does."

"Well, yes, but it could be the case that when we turn our documents in the proctor that we hand them to will tell us that we're done, so—"

"Sage's balls, kid. No, you don't get to go hide in your nice comfy bunks just because you turned your documents in. And don't think the medics will let you off either—if you're not injured then they'll just throw you back. Unless you're too dumb to duck, you need to actually be out there taking your chances until the round ends."

"Okay, well, are blue team members allowed to leave their facility, or does that represent an improper simulation? If they aren't allowed, does that mean they need to stay in the building proper or can they be in the surrounding area, perhaps on patrol? If the proctors won't be onsite during the event, how are you going to enforce the rules about injuries and simulation? If a Red Team member turns in documents from another facility, do they get—"

"Oh, for Sage's sake, brat," she growled. "Stop being such a pussy. Real ninja don't need their hands held and every last little detail spelled out. Real ninja can apply some brainpower and actually figure things out on their own."

"Well, it's just that there's lots of reasonable possibilities and I'm not sure which one—"

She snorted and pushed herself to her feet, looming over him with arms folded across her chest and an expression one short step from a sneer. "I'll tell you about one part of the rules: the part about proctor behavior. We're required to maintain professionalism at all times, meaning that we're not allowed to comment on anyone's scores, either to provide numerical values or to offer condolences on being so far down in the rankings that the person in question would need a telescope just to see daylight because they utterly fucked the dog on the fourth event. We are not allowed to use words like 'traitor' to a contestant, even if they are one. We're not allowed to call contestants 'scum-sucking little shits' or make mention of the fact that they abandoned their families and went to live with our mortal enemies. We definitely can't express an opinion on a contestant's skills, or on how wildly unlikely it is that such losers will ever earn the right to be chūnin. Nor can we express whatever reaction we might have to the fact that their rich daddy will make them chūnin even though they didn't earn it. Oh, and, no matter what, we aren't allowed to say that a contestant has chosen his own desires over his responsibilities to clan and to village, just like his whore of a mother did."

Dis

Motha'

Fuckin'

Bitch.

eaglejarl said:
Hazō's face went as blank as if he had plunged into the ice of the Mori Voice. Behind him, someone gasped...perhaps Haga? He ignored it and merely studied the proctor calmly, then turned to look at the hourglass. He waited patiently until the last grains had fallen, then turned back to the proctor.

MRW

Looks like it's finally time for Hazou to be truly, beautifully ruthless.

My body is ready.

eaglejarl said:
"I assume we have your permission to go?"

She snorted. "Yeah, whatever. Your site is that way. The medic station is a mile or so beyond it."

Hazō sketched her the most minimal and most mocking bow in the Iron Nerve's repertoire. "Thank you. For your information, the Hokage ordered us to 'Show them how Gōketsu kick ass.' I think you'll find it interesting. Keiko, go."

The boy feels his anger, but more importantly he is controlling it and using it.

This is the start of something spectacular.

eaglejarl said:
"Pangolin Summoning Technique: Pangaya!"

There was the soft whump! of a summoning and the moon was briefly blotted out by a swirl of purple smoke. When the smoke cleared, the moon was still invisible, because there was a pangolin the size of a small building looming in front of it. The proctor stepped back, eyes going wide as Pangaya turned in a circle, sniffing carefully to get a sense of who was where.

"Greetings, Summoner," she said, nodding politely to Keiko.

"Greetings, Pangaya," Keiko said. "Allow me to introduce you. These seven here are my teammates. The tall woman there is our proctor, and the male next to her is my clan brother, Hazō."

MURDER-DEATH-BALL-FASCIST-ZEALOT-ALIENS FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION, ASSEMBLE!

eaglejarl said:
Pangaya crossed to the proctor, the pangolin's unbelievable height making the distance but a step. She bent down—largely because pangolin eyes were weak, but the proctor didn't know that—and sniffed experimentally.

"I smell you," Pangaya said. "You would be the representative of this 'Village Hidden in the Mist' that spent the last two years hunting my Summoner, yes?"

Translation: "I have memorized your profile so I can recognize you when our summoner calls us to level your village. Also, hello."

eaglejarl said:
"Uhhhh...."

Translation: *Pissing noises*

eaglejarl said:
"I'll take that as a yes. Allow me to offer you all the honor you deserve."

Translation: "What a memorable scent, let me reply with my own:"

*farts in the proctor's face*

(Don't look at me like that; we were all thinking it)

eaglejarl said:
Under cover of Pangaya's distraction, Keiko downed the bottle of water that Noburi held ready for her, the chakra within refilling her chakra to the brim after she had nearly exhausted it with the summoning. "Pangolin Summoning Technique: Panashe!"

The spec ops pangolin was already moving when she appeared; she flicked a glance at Keiko's pointing arm to get her bearings and then was gone, vanishing into the trees towards where the proctor had said the target site was.

Hazō watched the pangolin go, then turned back to the proctor.

Now is the time.

eaglejarl said:
"You were very careful," he said. "You did not say that we lack skill. You did not call us 'losers' and say that the only way we would make chūnin was nepotism."

The proctor swallowed, her gaze shifting back and forth between Hazō and the still-looming vastness of Pangaya. She swallowed nervously but said nothing.

LET HER HAVE IT BOI!

eaglejarl said:
"It's interesting," Hazō mused. "Before we left Mist, all three of us were...unremarkable. Noburi's family was too busy mourning his brother to see what a brilliant ninja he is, and the kids at school were too fucking stupid to see past his barrel to what a great friend he is. Keiko's family were cold and distant, too impressed by their elder daughter to realize they had something just as miraculous in their younger one; they never gave her the support and training that she needed to truly excel, and so everyone overlooked her. And me?" The expression that peeled his lips back was nothing like a smile. "My instructors couldn't handle someone who asked questions or wanted to find better ways. I was constantly on punishment duty instead of in class."

Ah, the timeless 'villain' monologue combined with a little bit of 'TIRED OF ALL YOU PEOPLE'S SHIT' smile.

A classic combination.

eaglejarl said:
He paused, his gaze pointed at the ground but seeing only the past. The whole clearing had gone silent, everyone's eyes on him as warrior senses frantically pinged the alert. Hazō's voice was too calm, too soft, and his smile wasn't a smile.

And a poignant pause for dramatic effect?

The kid's a natural; we should have had him gone dark ages ago. INB4 someone makes a Dark Ages/Medieval pun

eaglejarl said:
He looked up at the proctor again, the not-smile getting wider. "Going into the woods cost me everything I had, you know? My 'whore' of a mother, my very few friends, my future...everything. But it also gave me a family, one that supports me and lets me support them. One that doesn't call me stupid or arrogant for asking questions, who welcomes it when I think of better answers than the ones in the book. You know what we've become since then, the three of us?" He gestured behind himself. "My brother, a medic-nin who is the demigod of war when he cuts loose. My sister, the Summoner of the Pangolin Clan, with a mind so bright the Nara bartered their full support for her hand in marriage. And then there's me." He chuckled, the sound dark and totally unrelated to humor. "Do you know what my special gift is, ma'am? The thing that makes me stand out? The thing that makes this 'traitor', this 'loser', something more than an average ninja?"

For someone who says he hates writing talking you did a good job here bird duke.

Now that we know Hazou is capable of darker thoughts (well, when prompted at least) I'm looking forward to writing an outline--if not a full out speech--for him to give to his future audience at the end of the upcoming tournament.

Gotta score them maximum political points, yo.

eaglejarl said:
The proctor swallowed again. "What?" she whispered.

I too wait with bated breath.

What exactly is Hazou thinking of saying is his secret to success? Hopefully it's something we won't break OPSEC revealing to people, but we have to give them something or they will do more digging into our history with Jiraiya.

eaglejarl said:
The not-smile had become a shark's grin. "When the Exams are over, I'll show you." He turned back to the team. "Let's go."

Nine humans and two pangolin vanished into the night. It was time to hunt.

Ugh, what a tease.

I wanna know what Hazou considers (or at least, chooses to disclose as) his special talent, Jashin-dammit.

Overall I was very satisfied with the talking portion of the update. Everything that needed to be said was said (establishing code words would have been nice but so long as it doesn't bite us in our asses in the next update I'm fine with omitting them from the winning plan for now) and we were able to transition into the all-important punching section with minimal fuss.

It's late though so the next half of the reactions will come later, but it is coming. I can't just end on a cliff hanger; I'm not a QM.

Emstar · Jul 16, 2018

Velorien said:
[wakes up]

[reaches for phone while brain is very reluctantly engaging; switches to thread]

[instant intravenous-coffee wakefulness]

"They did WHAT."

Thats *exactly* what Jiraiyas reaction is going to look like in a few hours.

Kiba · Jul 16, 2018

I find myself confused about how vacuum steps work?

Tua · Jul 16, 2018

faflec said:
So it's kind of funny, but with Kiri's ~700CP barrel the optimal tactic is to actually kidnap her and take her with us, since Wakahisa need to be near their barrels to retain their chakra.

Oh my Jashin, this is gold. Remember how she accused Noburi of just being a barrel boy? Now she has become a literal, living barrel for us.

LET'S DO THIS.

@eaglejarl
That update was - quite frankly - just amazing. <3

Enjou · Jul 16, 2018

Tua said:
Oh my Jashin, this is gold. Remember how she accused Noburi of just being a barrel boy? Now she has become a literal, living barrel for us.

LET'S DO THIS.

As was pointed out later, we don't actually need to kidnap her to keep her barrel containing its chakra. Plus if we did kidnap her she could empty the chakra from the barrel, which would be bad.

Roomba · Jul 16, 2018

Nice event you got there, Mist. Be a real shame if something happened to it.

Emstar · Jul 16, 2018

Tua said:
Oh my Jashin, this is gold. Remember how she accused Noburi of just being a barrel boy? Now she has become a literal, living barrel for us.

LET'S DO THIS.

@eaglejarl
That update was - quite frankly - just amazing. <3

I think the barrel degrades in a matter of *day or two* and not *hours* so we should be good.

We should of course, not give it back.

@eaglejarl , so whats the deal with word halves? We should be looting for those as well, right? Just checking

Tua · Jul 16, 2018

Enjou said:
As was pointed out later, we don't actually need to kidnap her to keep her barrel containing its chakra. Plus if we did kidnap her she could empty the chakra from the barrel, which would be bad.

MMKII said:
I think the barrel degrades in a matter of *day or two* and not *hours* so we should be good.

We should of course, not give it back.

Oh, no, no, you misunderstand. My suggestion has absolutely nothing to do with practicality: It's just a way to rub it into Kiri's face and be a good wingman for Noburi.

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

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