- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Gimme a bit, the next one's almost done as well
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
They of a million omake indeed.Gimme a bit, the next one's almost done as well
- Location
- Atlanta
He specifically needs deniable assets, so no Hyuuga. We could ask for help just with scouting, and we'll take it from there, but the odds of success on that feel low enough to me I wouldn't bother.
Omake: Hot Springs Grudge
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Omake: Hot Springs Grudge
(Thanks to @Kiba mainly and @Jello_Raptor secondly for inspiration!)
Two months post Hot-Springs-Incident...
"The kid smirked at me! I swear on the kami he looked right at me and smirked!" Noriko fumed, grabbing another tree branch to break over her knee in frustration.
"Nori, you were seeing things, he was probably terrified of you after what the Wind Devil technique did to the area--" said Ichiro.
"Wind Devil Shuriken Mk 3!" she corrected crossly.
Kenji tried to break her out of the rut she'd been in for the last half-hour. "It was pretty badass to see it in combat. Don't you think so, Kirasaki?"
"Yes. Very nice work," their more reserved teammate answered from his position by Mugiwara-sensei's bedroll as he finished getting a splint and compress on her shattered elbow. Fortunately his position meant he couldn't see Noriko's enormous blush at the praise.
"Okay team, time to get down to business. What have we learned about Team Corpse-Fuckers?" their jounin leader asked, propping herself up on her good arm.
"Sensei, did you mean fake--" Ichiro began to ask timidly.
"I know what I said," Mugiwara-sensei cut him off.
"They're a bunch of arrogant bastards," Noriko put forward sullenly.
"We knew they had access to a sealmaster after our first encounter, given the sheer volume of traps and explosives they used, but now they apparently have the Flying Thunder God Technique or something very much like it. I find that suspicious given how unhelpful Leaf's forces have been in tracking them down," Kirasaki added.
"We haven't been very helpful in tracking them down the last couple months," Kenji pointed out, "and Leaf's ninja can't cross borders as easily as we can as DMZ enforcers. I don't want to point fingers yet."
Mugiwara-sensei nodded in agreement. "Flying Thunder God doesn't leave substitution targets behind. I'd guess it's a technique-hacked kawarimi, which increases their threat assessment yet again if they did it themselves. Enemy hackers and sealers in the same party is a recipe for a shit time."
"They didn't have any new offensive techniques though," Ichiro pointed out. "They seem to be focused on evasion and defense, which makes sense for a group of assassins or terrorists."
Mugiwara-sensei nodded once more. "Overwhelming force isn't gonna help us here. We need to be smarter about how we hunt these punks. Kenji, I expect to see some new diagrams on this in the morning." Then she rolled onto her back and fell immediately unconscious in a way that still awed the chunin.
"You're not getting away this time. This time, you're paying for what you've done," Noriko stated darkly, stalking towards the formation of ninja at the base of the cliff their team had forced them towards. The flurries of air and chakra that heralded the new-and-improved Wind Devil Shuriken Mk 4 were gathering around her hands, cutting gouges into the ground on either side of her as she walked.
The defensive formation didn't budge an inch as the red-haired woman stared out at them defiantly and called out, "You guys have been hounding us for four months at this point. Isn't that punishment enough?"
"Not on your life. Futon: Wind Devil Shuriken!" Noriko called out, the signal for the rest of them to attack.
Kenji felt Ichiro's bloodline flowing through him, the other man's chakra pool mixing with his own soldier-pill expanded reserve and increasing how much he could cram into his muscles. He took full advantage of it, practically flying forward in the wake of the swerving Wind devil, knives drawn, directly into the side of the enemy formation.
The fat kid had lost a leg and his barrel to the Wind Devil, and the older man was missing most of an arm but was still up. Kenji targeted the slimmer girl, trying to take out the ranged threat as fast as he could, but she was absurdly quick. He couldn't land a single hit, and he noticed the rest of his party was having similar issues-- even Mugiwara-sensei, who was fighting the other boy??
Something twinged at Kenji's consciousness as the waifish girl slipped effortlessly through his defense and drove a kunai through his sternum. "Dispel!"
The scene around him dissolved, and he saw the rest of his squad tied up on the ground around him. The red-haired woman blew him a kiss before substituting away. He slammed his head into an obligingly nearby rock in frustration.
Kenji would have laughed in exhilaration if it wouldn't have thrown off his stride. They had them this time!
They'd found out who these terrorists were a few days after they'd been curb-stomped by their genjutsu mistress last time: missing-nin from Kiri, the sole survivors of a joint Mist-Leaf taskforce to wipe out a nascent Hidden Village that had been founded in the Swamp of Death in northern Fire. Reports from Iron also placed them at the center of the shitshow over a bandit army training civilians to use chakra, in defiance of all common sense. These guys seemed to sow trouble everywhere they went, and were too dangerous and slippery to bring in alive. After learning all that, Leaf's bureacracy had finally gotten off their asses and sent a proper tracking squad for assistance. They'd caught back up to three weeks after their last encounter.
Mugiwara-sensei's face looked the way Kenji felt, all bared teeth and laser-focused eyes sweeping over the assembled ninja force closing the semicircular net around the cliff-face. Even if the fuckers started wall-walking down the canyon, their ranged jutsu specialists would have them in sight long enough to start taking shots.
As he flew out of the tree-line onto the grassy plain immediately around the canyon walls, Kenji caught sight of their quarry and then had to catch his balance as he nearly froze in shock.
They were soaring out into the open air! The side of the cliff was lined with large rocks and logs, indicating they had used their Shitty Thunder God technique (whatever it was), but they were clearly not going to make it to the other side. Were they going to kill themselves? They'd faked it before, but this looked pretty real--
Suddenly they all began to decelerate, followed by their knees bending as if they had hit the ground. And then they kept running! On the open air! But they were all at slightly different heights? What in the ever-living fuck?? Kenji heard a couple of the quicker-on-the-uptake ninja around him dispelling, and belatedly did so himself, but nothing changed.
"Gooooo! Get in range and take them down!" Mugiwara-sensei bellowed, her voice equal parts bloodlust at the assassins and frustration with the number of ninja who, like Kenji, had stumbled in surprise.
One of the fleeing ninja, the thinner boy, looked over his shoulder at the sound. After a quick glance at and nod from the red-haired woman, he stopped briefly (in mid-air!, Kenji's brain was shrieking), pulled a hunk of wood from a storage scroll, and tossed it lightly towards the pursuing ninja while forming handseals.
Those nearing the edge of the cliff hesitated for a second, preparing for an attempt at a counterattack. Instead, the log sprouted into an enormous granite curtain that totally hid the fleeing party from sight and which also simply stayed there in midair.
That was too much. Kenji slowed to a trot and then to a complete standstill, then sat down and began massaging his temples.
All he could think was I'm gonna need a lot more diagrams aren't I?
Their prey didn't even have the decency to look afraid at being cornered. They mostly just looked annoyed.
"Okay, I'll admit the chakra-ink mist to stop us from using seals was clever, if a little desperate--" the thin boy was saying.
The gaunt man interrupted him. "Desperate?! They're totally crazy! If Noburi hadn't noticed it so we could put all our seals away half the country could have been eaten by a black hole, or made so gravity works backwards, or all turned into goop, or--"
"Yes, sensei, I know, but it didn't, so let's deal with this," the boy counter-interrupted, gesturing to the Hot Springs party - minus Kirasaki, who was still in psychological rehab after the last time.
"Don't dismiss us so easily, twerp. We've got tricks up our sleeve this time too, the Black Mist is just one of them," said Mugiwara-sensei.
"'The Black Mist'? Seriously, pretentious much? Plus I'm pretty sure Kiri has dibs on names like that," chirped the taller girl.
"You shut up! We're from Hot Springs, steam is close enough!" shouted Noriko, whose idea it had been.
"Alright, alright everyone, calm down. We can settle this like adults," the red-haired demon said soothingly. Kenji felt bile rising in his throat. "How about this. You send out your strongest fighter, we send out ours. If you win, we'll go quietly. We win, you all go home. Okay?" Her smile vanished, suddenly replaced by an absolutely placid and thus terrifying expression. "That, or we can start showing off some of our dangerous tricks."
Mugiwara-sensei stepped forward and spat. "Let's do this, bitch."
Red-hair nodded and then stepped... back??? "Keiko?"
Waif-girl stepped forward and made a complex set of handseals Kenji didn't recognize. "Pankration, I summon you!" A huge plume of purple smoke enveloped her, and out from it emerged a hulking, scaled monstrosity the size of a house. Huge, muscled arms ended in claws as long as Kenji that shone like burnished bronze.
"Greetings, human! I am most proud to represent my clan against you! May the survivor be honored!" it rumbled.
"...actually, I think we'll pass," Mugiwara-sensei responded.
"Oh, kami, seriously? You again? It's been a year since Hot Springs. We've already made reparations to the victims and gotten client-state status from Fire and gotten a pardon from your bosses. Can you please chill out?" the thin boy asked in exasperation.
Kenji's eye twitched at having his stealth attack ruined. "This isn't about Hot Springs anymore. It hasn't been for a long time. This," he growled, standing up, "this is personal. We're gonna fight, fair and square, just you and me, without all your damn tricky teammates around, and you're going to die." The rest of his team had given up and gone home, but not Kenji. He'd spent every day since the incident with the pangolin tracking the missing-nin group down, hiding his presence, biding his time until one of them was sent on a solo mission where they couldn't be supported by all the rest of their bullshit teammates. And now, finnally, here was his chance, and he was going to take it.
"No," the boy said, and then he turned into a bird and flew away.
Kenji responded the only way he could. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHH!!!"
(Thanks to @Kiba mainly and @Jello_Raptor secondly for inspiration!)
Two months post Hot-Springs-Incident...
"The kid smirked at me! I swear on the kami he looked right at me and smirked!" Noriko fumed, grabbing another tree branch to break over her knee in frustration.
"Nori, you were seeing things, he was probably terrified of you after what the Wind Devil technique did to the area--" said Ichiro.
"Wind Devil Shuriken Mk 3!" she corrected crossly.
Kenji tried to break her out of the rut she'd been in for the last half-hour. "It was pretty badass to see it in combat. Don't you think so, Kirasaki?"
"Yes. Very nice work," their more reserved teammate answered from his position by Mugiwara-sensei's bedroll as he finished getting a splint and compress on her shattered elbow. Fortunately his position meant he couldn't see Noriko's enormous blush at the praise.
"Okay team, time to get down to business. What have we learned about Team Corpse-Fuckers?" their jounin leader asked, propping herself up on her good arm.
"Sensei, did you mean fake--" Ichiro began to ask timidly.
"I know what I said," Mugiwara-sensei cut him off.
"They're a bunch of arrogant bastards," Noriko put forward sullenly.
"We knew they had access to a sealmaster after our first encounter, given the sheer volume of traps and explosives they used, but now they apparently have the Flying Thunder God Technique or something very much like it. I find that suspicious given how unhelpful Leaf's forces have been in tracking them down," Kirasaki added.
"We haven't been very helpful in tracking them down the last couple months," Kenji pointed out, "and Leaf's ninja can't cross borders as easily as we can as DMZ enforcers. I don't want to point fingers yet."
Mugiwara-sensei nodded in agreement. "Flying Thunder God doesn't leave substitution targets behind. I'd guess it's a technique-hacked kawarimi, which increases their threat assessment yet again if they did it themselves. Enemy hackers and sealers in the same party is a recipe for a shit time."
"They didn't have any new offensive techniques though," Ichiro pointed out. "They seem to be focused on evasion and defense, which makes sense for a group of assassins or terrorists."
Mugiwara-sensei nodded once more. "Overwhelming force isn't gonna help us here. We need to be smarter about how we hunt these punks. Kenji, I expect to see some new diagrams on this in the morning." Then she rolled onto her back and fell immediately unconscious in a way that still awed the chunin.
-o-
"You're not getting away this time. This time, you're paying for what you've done," Noriko stated darkly, stalking towards the formation of ninja at the base of the cliff their team had forced them towards. The flurries of air and chakra that heralded the new-and-improved Wind Devil Shuriken Mk 4 were gathering around her hands, cutting gouges into the ground on either side of her as she walked.
The defensive formation didn't budge an inch as the red-haired woman stared out at them defiantly and called out, "You guys have been hounding us for four months at this point. Isn't that punishment enough?"
"Not on your life. Futon: Wind Devil Shuriken!" Noriko called out, the signal for the rest of them to attack.
Kenji felt Ichiro's bloodline flowing through him, the other man's chakra pool mixing with his own soldier-pill expanded reserve and increasing how much he could cram into his muscles. He took full advantage of it, practically flying forward in the wake of the swerving Wind devil, knives drawn, directly into the side of the enemy formation.
The fat kid had lost a leg and his barrel to the Wind Devil, and the older man was missing most of an arm but was still up. Kenji targeted the slimmer girl, trying to take out the ranged threat as fast as he could, but she was absurdly quick. He couldn't land a single hit, and he noticed the rest of his party was having similar issues-- even Mugiwara-sensei, who was fighting the other boy??
Something twinged at Kenji's consciousness as the waifish girl slipped effortlessly through his defense and drove a kunai through his sternum. "Dispel!"
The scene around him dissolved, and he saw the rest of his squad tied up on the ground around him. The red-haired woman blew him a kiss before substituting away. He slammed his head into an obligingly nearby rock in frustration.
-o-
Kenji would have laughed in exhilaration if it wouldn't have thrown off his stride. They had them this time!
They'd found out who these terrorists were a few days after they'd been curb-stomped by their genjutsu mistress last time: missing-nin from Kiri, the sole survivors of a joint Mist-Leaf taskforce to wipe out a nascent Hidden Village that had been founded in the Swamp of Death in northern Fire. Reports from Iron also placed them at the center of the shitshow over a bandit army training civilians to use chakra, in defiance of all common sense. These guys seemed to sow trouble everywhere they went, and were too dangerous and slippery to bring in alive. After learning all that, Leaf's bureacracy had finally gotten off their asses and sent a proper tracking squad for assistance. They'd caught back up to three weeks after their last encounter.
Mugiwara-sensei's face looked the way Kenji felt, all bared teeth and laser-focused eyes sweeping over the assembled ninja force closing the semicircular net around the cliff-face. Even if the fuckers started wall-walking down the canyon, their ranged jutsu specialists would have them in sight long enough to start taking shots.
As he flew out of the tree-line onto the grassy plain immediately around the canyon walls, Kenji caught sight of their quarry and then had to catch his balance as he nearly froze in shock.
They were soaring out into the open air! The side of the cliff was lined with large rocks and logs, indicating they had used their Shitty Thunder God technique (whatever it was), but they were clearly not going to make it to the other side. Were they going to kill themselves? They'd faked it before, but this looked pretty real--
Suddenly they all began to decelerate, followed by their knees bending as if they had hit the ground. And then they kept running! On the open air! But they were all at slightly different heights? What in the ever-living fuck?? Kenji heard a couple of the quicker-on-the-uptake ninja around him dispelling, and belatedly did so himself, but nothing changed.
"Gooooo! Get in range and take them down!" Mugiwara-sensei bellowed, her voice equal parts bloodlust at the assassins and frustration with the number of ninja who, like Kenji, had stumbled in surprise.
One of the fleeing ninja, the thinner boy, looked over his shoulder at the sound. After a quick glance at and nod from the red-haired woman, he stopped briefly (in mid-air!, Kenji's brain was shrieking), pulled a hunk of wood from a storage scroll, and tossed it lightly towards the pursuing ninja while forming handseals.
Those nearing the edge of the cliff hesitated for a second, preparing for an attempt at a counterattack. Instead, the log sprouted into an enormous granite curtain that totally hid the fleeing party from sight and which also simply stayed there in midair.
That was too much. Kenji slowed to a trot and then to a complete standstill, then sat down and began massaging his temples.
All he could think was I'm gonna need a lot more diagrams aren't I?
-o-
Their prey didn't even have the decency to look afraid at being cornered. They mostly just looked annoyed.
"Okay, I'll admit the chakra-ink mist to stop us from using seals was clever, if a little desperate--" the thin boy was saying.
The gaunt man interrupted him. "Desperate?! They're totally crazy! If Noburi hadn't noticed it so we could put all our seals away half the country could have been eaten by a black hole, or made so gravity works backwards, or all turned into goop, or--"
"Yes, sensei, I know, but it didn't, so let's deal with this," the boy counter-interrupted, gesturing to the Hot Springs party - minus Kirasaki, who was still in psychological rehab after the last time.
"Don't dismiss us so easily, twerp. We've got tricks up our sleeve this time too, the Black Mist is just one of them," said Mugiwara-sensei.
"'The Black Mist'? Seriously, pretentious much? Plus I'm pretty sure Kiri has dibs on names like that," chirped the taller girl.
"You shut up! We're from Hot Springs, steam is close enough!" shouted Noriko, whose idea it had been.
"Alright, alright everyone, calm down. We can settle this like adults," the red-haired demon said soothingly. Kenji felt bile rising in his throat. "How about this. You send out your strongest fighter, we send out ours. If you win, we'll go quietly. We win, you all go home. Okay?" Her smile vanished, suddenly replaced by an absolutely placid and thus terrifying expression. "That, or we can start showing off some of our dangerous tricks."
Mugiwara-sensei stepped forward and spat. "Let's do this, bitch."
Red-hair nodded and then stepped... back??? "Keiko?"
Waif-girl stepped forward and made a complex set of handseals Kenji didn't recognize. "Pankration, I summon you!" A huge plume of purple smoke enveloped her, and out from it emerged a hulking, scaled monstrosity the size of a house. Huge, muscled arms ended in claws as long as Kenji that shone like burnished bronze.
"Greetings, human! I am most proud to represent my clan against you! May the survivor be honored!" it rumbled.
"...actually, I think we'll pass," Mugiwara-sensei responded.
-o-
"Oh, kami, seriously? You again? It's been a year since Hot Springs. We've already made reparations to the victims and gotten client-state status from Fire and gotten a pardon from your bosses. Can you please chill out?" the thin boy asked in exasperation.
Kenji's eye twitched at having his stealth attack ruined. "This isn't about Hot Springs anymore. It hasn't been for a long time. This," he growled, standing up, "this is personal. We're gonna fight, fair and square, just you and me, without all your damn tricky teammates around, and you're going to die." The rest of his team had given up and gone home, but not Kenji. He'd spent every day since the incident with the pangolin tracking the missing-nin group down, hiding his presence, biding his time until one of them was sent on a solo mission where they couldn't be supported by all the rest of their bullshit teammates. And now, finnally, here was his chance, and he was going to take it.
"No," the boy said, and then he turned into a bird and flew away.
Kenji responded the only way he could. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHH!!!"
Last edited:
- Location
- America
I'm not sure what nascent technique is supposed to let us tun on air, but I've always believed that air-walking should have been the next step after water-walking.
Also, backing a group of ninja against a cliff probably wouldn't work too well, since they can just run up it. Although it would give a chance to take shots at them while scaling the wall kept them in range.
Also, backing a group of ninja against a cliff probably wouldn't work too well, since they can just run up it. Although it would give a chance to take shots at them while scaling the wall kept them in range.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
If we survive this next mission we're going to take the elemental nations by STORM with all of these simple, slight technique modifications that let us do this nuts stuff (ahahah, floating MEW).
...On which note, we should create a chakra ink bomb to throw at miss Arikada. Just in case we want to see the country go up.
e: We should ask Kagome what the largest seal mishap he's seen is. No reason, Kagome, we're definitely not planning to paint the sealmistress black.
...On which note, we should create a chakra ink bomb to throw at miss Arikada. Just in case we want to see the country go up.
e: We should ask Kagome what the largest seal mishap he's seen is. No reason, Kagome, we're definitely not planning to paint the sealmistress black.
Last edited:
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Forgot to add this when I initially posted the second omake so they didn't get tagged, but thanks to @Kiba mainly and @Jello_Raptor secondly for inspiration!
*stares into space, rocking back and forth, crying and occasionally twitching, quietly mumbling "so much blood, so much screaming", for several hours*
Kagome:
*stares into space, rocking back and forth, crying and occasionally twitching, quietly mumbling "so much blood, so much screaming", for several hours*
We need her head to be recognizable, not composed entirely of giant fire ants reciting the speeches of Hitler.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Yeah it is rather tragic to me that we can't simply blow her the fuck up with liberal amounts of explosives.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
I expect @eaglejarl would tell us that from a Watsonian perspective, Jiraiya is slotting in the resources available to him into a job that doesn't suit them ideally, while from a Doylist perspective, at this point any problem the party encounters that can be solved by throwing enough explosive tags at it will be solved that way, which while awesome (at least the first time) is less engaging to both read and write and demands less engagement on our part as planners and players.
E: That being said, I still wish we coulda just blown her the fuck up
There's always an impending TPK. It's why we've gotten so much XP so quickly. But in this case, I think we're okay. We have macerators. We can fill them with payloads of pepper, dragonfly dust, and white hot iron filings. Get some pangolins who know their way around a non-lethal capture.
Provided that we survive the inevitable curveballs, this one won't be as bad as the Hot Springs fiasco.
Edit: it will still be really bad, of course. Just not as bad as Hot Springs.
Last edited:
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I would agree if we weren't all injured. But as it is, a love tap could kill Hazou or Nobby.
Also, while Jiraiya wants her head in tact, I think her head being composed of fire ants would be proof enough that it's her, don't you think? I mean, we're not evil enough to do that to some random civilian.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
I got the feeling they have techniques to get info from dead bodies that they want to use on her, and need her noth brain intact and brain-like for them to work.
- Location
- Yes.
@eaglejarl @Velorien Back in Hot Springs Hazou and Noburi got -3 malus die and we were told that another failed roll would kill them. Is this still the case?
- Location
- America
Edo Tensei as an interrogation technique.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Their fault if they don't tell us that, when the traditional definition of "bring me their head" is "so I know you killed the right person."
- Location
- America
We're going to give Jiraiya exactly what he asked for to the letter regardless of the reason, so I can kinda see the logic behind not telling us about Leaf's secret techniques to rip information from the corpses of their enemies and I just remembered that that's literally the reason why hunter-nin burn corpses.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
On the scale between no kill -- kill -- captured, killed to the point of unrecognizability falls somewhere between the former two. He wouldn't be as upset with us as if we didn't even kill her, but we'd probably still owe him SOMETHING.
On the other hand, killing her that dead is a lot safer.
- Location
- America
Sorry, could you label the axes on your scale? I don't know what you're measuring if you put those four things in that order.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
- Location
- America
I observe that an equally valid interpretation would be:
"As scale moves right, personal danger increases"
Ain't that just the way...
"As scale moves right, personal danger increases"
Ain't that just the way...
Jello_Raptor
(Confirmed Jelly)
- Location
- Left of Center