ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It's also an export commodity, which could help boost the economy so we could import food from elsewhere more easily.
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
It's also an export commodity, which could help boost the economy so we could import food from elsewhere more easily.
mangawriter77
Otaku^9000 (In my own opinion)
- Location
- You'll neeever guess
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
MiH: This omake will not be canon
Everyone:
I think the word you're looking for is 'greevil'. XD
- Location
- the Netherworld Dood
we would need to subdue him, get space flight, restrain him long enough to get there, launch him at the sun fast enough for him to to escape his restraints.
and all of that could be worthless if he can teleport out.
I feel like we should go the opposite direction and put him in cryo storage. Sure it's a sealed evil in a can but he can't move or fight or teleport
What we see of Toffee is not his actual body, but rather a projection, an avatar. I imagine we could kill it fairly easily; but all Toffee has to do is make another one. To finish him off for good, we'll need to reacquire the wand and purify the source of magic in Mewni.
Sounds like something that might require a world conquering army, but that's what Felldrake is for, right?
- Location
- washington
I know its unlikely for it to happen but can anyone see janna stockholming felldrake to her side?
Hey, it could happen. Especially if she keeps giving him situations where he finds amusement.
King Arthur
The Once and Future King
I don't think she's been involved in a single roll that hasn't been above a 90.
Probably.
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ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
She got a 64 in Magus Bazaar. And that's all I can find.
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
The problem with that is that Norm being a giant, heavily armed robot man is kind of essential to his overall role in our arrangements. A doppelganger body isn't going to be a walking arsenal of W E A P O N R Y.
Even Sinatron only had rocket boots and a go-go-Gadget machine gun.
It may have. She predates a big chunk of our recent AI advances, mind you... but the point remains; she's as sophisticated as, if not more so than, Norm.
I'm amenable to this, because a toon crime boss is frankly not worse than the alternatives, especially since the Phantom Blot is one of the few toons who might have the chops to take on Negaduck.
But even so, we'll likely have to take Intrigue steps to make sure we're secure against him.
my read on him is that he's Evil for the sake of Evil rather. he's basicly a profesional super villian rather then a world ending threat. Janna could very well get him to shift to focusing on the process of Evil rather then the end goal.
King Arthur
The Once and Future King
I mean, we also don't actually border Doomtown, the Zaibatsu and Toffee do.
I'm not saying trust him whole heartedly, but I feel like he's a lot more inclined to try and expand to territory near his own, and play nice with and ally with the guy whose already inclined to like him and vice versa due to the two of us teaming up against Doom.
AProcrastinator
You can Certainly Try
- Location
- Getting Somewhere
- Pronouns
- She/Hers
Wow, uh, I don't know what to say? I had hoped people would like it, but I didn't expect people would enjoy it this much. All this "greatest writing that ever lived" stuff and "Canon or we riot"... I guess I'll have to be careful not to get a big head! 
@Made in Heaven if 625 not yet being named Reuben yet is the only thing stopping it from being canonical, that can be easily adjusted, and probably will be regardless. If it's something else additionally, then ... case by case basis?
Anyway,
I like to think Jamukha, yes. Maybe I'll write another omake someday...
@Made in Heaven if 625 not yet being named Reuben yet is the only thing stopping it from being canonical, that can be easily adjusted, and probably will be regardless. If it's something else additionally, then ... case by case basis?
Anyway,
I like to think Jamukha, yes. Maybe I'll write another omake someday...
Well as far as we know Sinatron was never meant for combat and keep in mind that the Doppelgänger programme is based off of Inspector Gadget i.e. The guy famous for having a seemingly endless amount of room to keep whatever piece of technology he needed
- Location
- Landland USA
I don't think we've researched robot doppelganger bodies yet. Besides that, it's very obvious that Sinatron was a special case that Kronos poured a bunch of extra technology into.
- Location
- Great Khanate of Scotland
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Here's a good article on domesticating dinosaurs:
Could We Domesticate (Non-Bird) Dinosaurs?
TL;DR - Some dinosaurs would be fantastic meat producers, especially the hadrosaurs who reached maturity very quickly for animals of their size and have tons of meat on them. Sauropods would be much slower to grow and a nightmare to control, but a hardosaur is still orders of magnitude larger than cows, so it's still worth the investment.
The relevant bit:
Could We Domesticate (Non-Bird) Dinosaurs?
TL;DR - Some dinosaurs would be fantastic meat producers, especially the hadrosaurs who reached maturity very quickly for animals of their size and have tons of meat on them. Sauropods would be much slower to grow and a nightmare to control, but a hardosaur is still orders of magnitude larger than cows, so it's still worth the investment.
The relevant bit:
If dinosaurs like hadrosaurs (this graph shows Maiasaura) grew this quickly - we're talking about an animal that is well over 1000 kg within 2 years and capable of breeding by that time, and can be raised on a diet of easily obtained, cheap fodder and produces large clutches to boot - well, we have an animal that might be very desirable as a subject of domestication. Image: Woodward et al. (2015).
Running With Scissors
- Location
- Who knows?
@Made in Heaven Are we supposed to tag you? Sorry for not doing so earlier
Also thanks to the two below
AN: This is based off of someshit speculative posting in the Discord yesterday. If you're responsible, you know who you are. Alternative Title "Yokai Wants to Know Your Location" How the fuck did I type another 1,000 plus words here. This was supposed to be fast!
The ever present smoggy skies loomed over a scene rarely seen even in Doofania: that of an absolutely gobsmacked Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz sitting in his office staring at Tobe and the Vagabond Ninja as they reported on their latest shenanigans. More specifically, he stared at Bingure's left hand. Even more specifically, he stared at the sparkling gem encrusted scissors within in said hand.
"I sent you off to look into Orton Mahlson, how in the world--?"
Tobe, Jing-Jing, Bingure and Jumong all exchange sheepish grins with each other.
"Well Sensei—"
---
"Today my Ninja, we assault Timely Studios—"
"—uh boss?"
Tobe grits his teeth and presses forward "—and force Orton Mahlson to give up his perfidious secrets! We—"
"—boss…"
"—shall make Sensei proud—"
"BOSS!"
"—and WHAT IS IT!"
Jing-Jing waves a piece of paper around. "We've been holding the map upside-down the entire time. Also it mentions someplace called 'Turo.'"
A tumbleweed bounces through the crowd of ninja as Tobe processes this.
"Well, where are we then? And where are you going Bingure you dolt!"
Bingure shrugs as he heads towards a large blocky factory in the distance. "I dunno about you boss, but I'm famished from that road trip and something in that building smells mighty nice!"
---
Inside said factory two employees, a large chicken with x-shaped corneas and a large minotaur with a nose ring, went about the normal drudgery of laundering massive amounts of extradimensional corn.
"You know something Emmitt? Sometimes I miss the old days with Ludo" Big Chicken sighs. *pop*
The minotaur grumbles something in return. *pop pop*
"No, I didn't really enjoy getting beaten up by Star and that kid, but didn't something about it make your blood pump?—" *pop pop pop* "Something about it just felt—What's that noise?"
*pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop*
The two overseers could only stare on horror as primary shipping facility of Seth Suppliers was engulfed in fire, smoke and a rapidly growing pile of white, fluffy popcorn-y DOOM.
---
"Huh, so you guys were responsible for that. Well, good job! Anyways, hand those over so I can take a closer look at them."
Bingure excitedly starts running over to deliver the scissors. His foot gets caught in the purple shag carpet. With a hop, a kip and a stumble he falls.
Time seems to slow down as he does so, his pinwheeling arms flailing for purchase and his hands grasping for a non-existent hold. The scissors in his hands open as he does so, tearing open a dimensional hole that sucks in everyone in the room, Doof, Tobe, Bingure, Jing-Jing, Jumong and an indeterminate number of ninja mooks.
10 Objective Earth Minutes Later
A beaming Janus Lee and an ecstatic Jumba Jookiba saunter into Doof's office, brimming with untapped SCIENCE and piles of paper. The alien eagerly enunciated "My fellow Evil Genius! My contemporary and I have come up with a proposal to enhance your pathetic species with—Oh where did you go?"
There is a sudden flash of bright light as everyone who vanished 10 minutes ago (plus or minus some mooks) reappear. However, they are also accompanied by a metal exploration pod.
Doof takes a moment to dust off his lab coat. "Well, all things considered I'd say that was a successful trial run, now we need to find—" he turns and sees the two geneticists. "Oh, just the people I wanted to see! You see, we brought back someone—" he taps the pod, "—and it looks like she'll need some medical care. Take her to the Doofenshmirtz Incorporated's Evil Therapy for Complex, Odd, Freakish, Far-out or otherwise Extraordinary Events. D.I.E.T.C.O.F.F.E.E. and see if you could find some time to make sure she didn't get extradimensional flu or whatever."
Janus and Jumba look at each other and grin before Janus interjects.
"So boss, it looks like you just came from an extradimensional realm and retrieved this lady here who's been stuck there for an extended period of time. Who knows how much damage that could've done to her DNA! Why it might turn out the only way to fix it would be to—"
"Remember Technor's HOWCA (Health Organization Without a Cool Acronym) lecture on medical ethics. No giving people mutations unless they're awake enough to say 'yes.'"
Both the human and alien's shoulders slumped visibly.
---
Abigail Callaghan awoke to a violet ceiling and warm green sheets. [1]
"Dad? Alistair? Where are you two?" Her heart rate immediately begins to spike and the Doofenshmirtz patented Medical-Distress-Detect-inator starts trilling in a frequency only heard and picked up by the patented Medical-Distress-Receive-inator located in the hospital's front desk. The receptionist promptly sent over some nurses and alerted Doof about the change in status.
Moments later Doof walked in to see a calmer, but still clearly distressed Abigail. He gives her a jaunty wave before launching into a spiel. "Well Abigail—took a while to find out who you were!—I managed to find the records of your Akuma Island "Silent Sparrow" experiments and gotta say—"
"Where are my father and Mr.Krei?" Abigail's scratchy voice harshly cuts him off.
Doof's face falls as he pulls up a chair and sits down, draping his arms over the back of it. "Weeelll, about that. When looked into you—for the sake of finding living family of course and not invading your privacy without your consent [2]!—I uh found out what happened to your dad. It looks like he died in fire at a SFIT Tech Conference a while ago."
Abigail curls in on herself and places her head in her hands. "What about Alis—I mean Mr.Krei?"
"Its murky, but it seems like he pprrroobbabbly got killed when his HQ got trashed. There's rumors of some 'yolk-guy' or Japanese monster was involved."
Abigail's shoulders start to shake as the enormity of exactly how much she lost hits her at once.
Doof clears his throat awkwardly. "Anyways, as I was saying, those experiments were really something and it doesn't look like you have anywhere else to go, so why not join us here at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc!"
"Why? I'm an idiot who recklessly decided to slam my ship into untested tech; I convinced Krei to proceed, even when I knew something was up just because I wanted to 'go where no man has gone before.'"
"Exactly! That's what'd make you a great fit for us!"
Abigail looked up in surprise before letting out a genuine full-bellied laugh.
"Sure why not? Not like I have anywhere else to be."
Meanwhile, somewhere in San Fransokyo, Yokai suddenly found himself suppressing a sneeze in the middle of an important Zaibatsu meeting.
---
Months Later
Yokai was wondering through the docks, surreptitiously observing the smuggling operation going on. He suspected that—wait did someone, just say? There was no way.
"—can't believe you use that POS Doofbook. Seriously?"
"Come on, there's some posts about the medical treatments some chick called Abigail Callaghan is going through! Wonder if they could help my mom walk again."
"Dude isn't Doof some quack that failed outta Pharmacy school? Just save up to get your mom a new wheelchair."
Abigail Callaghan Abigail Callaghan Abigail Callaghan
A jolt of something that was equal parts fear and anger (and hope) flowed through Yokai's veins. How. Yokai abandoned—whatever he was doing it wasn't important anymore. He needed to look into this.
---
[1] Doof was persuaded to change from his normal shades of "eye-searing" purple and green when presented with a study that showed how softer shades could promote anti-inflammatory responses in the body.
[2] Technor's Three-and-a-Half day long (with approved breaks of course) panel on Medical Ethics and Patient Confidentiality had left its mark.
AN: So quick note. I know the movie implies that Abigail's accident was all Krei's fault and recklessness. Abigail, frankly speaking, gets roughly jack and shit for characterization, so looking at her as someone who volunteered to be a test pilot for a highly experimental/risky project, I decided to vaguely give her the stereotypical "cocksure, reckless pilot" trait. Which results in the accident partially happening on her initiative too (as the leader Krei did have ultimate "shut it down" authority) as opposed to her just being some passive victim. It also makes any future confrontation about the accident interesting.
Also sneak peak for follow-up to my earlier omake below!
Also thanks to the two below
Running With Scissors
AN: This is based off of some
The ever present smoggy skies loomed over a scene rarely seen even in Doofania: that of an absolutely gobsmacked Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz sitting in his office staring at Tobe and the Vagabond Ninja as they reported on their latest shenanigans. More specifically, he stared at Bingure's left hand. Even more specifically, he stared at the sparkling gem encrusted scissors within in said hand.
"I sent you off to look into Orton Mahlson, how in the world--?"
Tobe, Jing-Jing, Bingure and Jumong all exchange sheepish grins with each other.
"Well Sensei—"
---
"Today my Ninja, we assault Timely Studios—"
"—uh boss?"
Tobe grits his teeth and presses forward "—and force Orton Mahlson to give up his perfidious secrets! We—"
"—boss…"
"—shall make Sensei proud—"
"BOSS!"
"—and WHAT IS IT!"
Jing-Jing waves a piece of paper around. "We've been holding the map upside-down the entire time. Also it mentions someplace called 'Turo.'"
A tumbleweed bounces through the crowd of ninja as Tobe processes this.
"Well, where are we then? And where are you going Bingure you dolt!"
Bingure shrugs as he heads towards a large blocky factory in the distance. "I dunno about you boss, but I'm famished from that road trip and something in that building smells mighty nice!"
---
Inside said factory two employees, a large chicken with x-shaped corneas and a large minotaur with a nose ring, went about the normal drudgery of laundering massive amounts of extradimensional corn.
"You know something Emmitt? Sometimes I miss the old days with Ludo" Big Chicken sighs. *pop*
The minotaur grumbles something in return. *pop pop*
"No, I didn't really enjoy getting beaten up by Star and that kid, but didn't something about it make your blood pump?—" *pop pop pop* "Something about it just felt—What's that noise?"
*pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop*
The two overseers could only stare on horror as primary shipping facility of Seth Suppliers was engulfed in fire, smoke and a rapidly growing pile of white, fluffy popcorn-y DOOM.
---
"Huh, so you guys were responsible for that. Well, good job! Anyways, hand those over so I can take a closer look at them."
Bingure excitedly starts running over to deliver the scissors. His foot gets caught in the purple shag carpet. With a hop, a kip and a stumble he falls.
Time seems to slow down as he does so, his pinwheeling arms flailing for purchase and his hands grasping for a non-existent hold. The scissors in his hands open as he does so, tearing open a dimensional hole that sucks in everyone in the room, Doof, Tobe, Bingure, Jing-Jing, Jumong and an indeterminate number of ninja mooks.
10 Objective Earth Minutes Later
A beaming Janus Lee and an ecstatic Jumba Jookiba saunter into Doof's office, brimming with untapped SCIENCE and piles of paper. The alien eagerly enunciated "My fellow Evil Genius! My contemporary and I have come up with a proposal to enhance your pathetic species with—Oh where did you go?"
There is a sudden flash of bright light as everyone who vanished 10 minutes ago (plus or minus some mooks) reappear. However, they are also accompanied by a metal exploration pod.
Doof takes a moment to dust off his lab coat. "Well, all things considered I'd say that was a successful trial run, now we need to find—" he turns and sees the two geneticists. "Oh, just the people I wanted to see! You see, we brought back someone—" he taps the pod, "—and it looks like she'll need some medical care. Take her to the Doofenshmirtz Incorporated's Evil Therapy for Complex, Odd, Freakish, Far-out or otherwise Extraordinary Events. D.I.E.T.C.O.F.F.E.E. and see if you could find some time to make sure she didn't get extradimensional flu or whatever."
Janus and Jumba look at each other and grin before Janus interjects.
"So boss, it looks like you just came from an extradimensional realm and retrieved this lady here who's been stuck there for an extended period of time. Who knows how much damage that could've done to her DNA! Why it might turn out the only way to fix it would be to—"
"Remember Technor's HOWCA (Health Organization Without a Cool Acronym) lecture on medical ethics. No giving people mutations unless they're awake enough to say 'yes.'"
Both the human and alien's shoulders slumped visibly.
---
Abigail Callaghan awoke to a violet ceiling and warm green sheets. [1]
"Dad? Alistair? Where are you two?" Her heart rate immediately begins to spike and the Doofenshmirtz patented Medical-Distress-Detect-inator starts trilling in a frequency only heard and picked up by the patented Medical-Distress-Receive-inator located in the hospital's front desk. The receptionist promptly sent over some nurses and alerted Doof about the change in status.
Moments later Doof walked in to see a calmer, but still clearly distressed Abigail. He gives her a jaunty wave before launching into a spiel. "Well Abigail—took a while to find out who you were!—I managed to find the records of your Akuma Island "Silent Sparrow" experiments and gotta say—"
"Where are my father and Mr.Krei?" Abigail's scratchy voice harshly cuts him off.
Doof's face falls as he pulls up a chair and sits down, draping his arms over the back of it. "Weeelll, about that. When looked into you—for the sake of finding living family of course and not invading your privacy without your consent [2]!—I uh found out what happened to your dad. It looks like he died in fire at a SFIT Tech Conference a while ago."
Abigail curls in on herself and places her head in her hands. "What about Alis—I mean Mr.Krei?"
"Its murky, but it seems like he pprrroobbabbly got killed when his HQ got trashed. There's rumors of some 'yolk-guy' or Japanese monster was involved."
Abigail's shoulders start to shake as the enormity of exactly how much she lost hits her at once.
Doof clears his throat awkwardly. "Anyways, as I was saying, those experiments were really something and it doesn't look like you have anywhere else to go, so why not join us here at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc!"
"Why? I'm an idiot who recklessly decided to slam my ship into untested tech; I convinced Krei to proceed, even when I knew something was up just because I wanted to 'go where no man has gone before.'"
"Exactly! That's what'd make you a great fit for us!"
Abigail looked up in surprise before letting out a genuine full-bellied laugh.
"Sure why not? Not like I have anywhere else to be."
Meanwhile, somewhere in San Fransokyo, Yokai suddenly found himself suppressing a sneeze in the middle of an important Zaibatsu meeting.
---
Months Later
Yokai was wondering through the docks, surreptitiously observing the smuggling operation going on. He suspected that—wait did someone, just say? There was no way.
"—can't believe you use that POS Doofbook. Seriously?"
"Come on, there's some posts about the medical treatments some chick called Abigail Callaghan is going through! Wonder if they could help my mom walk again."
"Dude isn't Doof some quack that failed outta Pharmacy school? Just save up to get your mom a new wheelchair."
Abigail Callaghan Abigail Callaghan Abigail Callaghan
A jolt of something that was equal parts fear and anger (and hope) flowed through Yokai's veins. How. Yokai abandoned—whatever he was doing it wasn't important anymore. He needed to look into this.
---
[1] Doof was persuaded to change from his normal shades of "eye-searing" purple and green when presented with a study that showed how softer shades could promote anti-inflammatory responses in the body.
[2] Technor's Three-and-a-Half day long (with approved breaks of course) panel on Medical Ethics and Patient Confidentiality had left its mark.
AN: So quick note. I know the movie implies that Abigail's accident was all Krei's fault and recklessness. Abigail, frankly speaking, gets roughly jack and shit for characterization, so looking at her as someone who volunteered to be a test pilot for a highly experimental/risky project, I decided to vaguely give her the stereotypical "cocksure, reckless pilot" trait. Which results in the accident partially happening on her initiative too (as the leader Krei did have ultimate "shut it down" authority) as opposed to her just being some passive victim. It also makes any future confrontation about the accident interesting.
Also sneak peak for follow-up to my earlier omake below!
"Janna-Janna? What are you doing Janna? Janna, please don't please I've lost mom, dad, Ponyhead, Glossaryck, everyone in Mewni, Ma-Marco's dying—I can't lose you too Janna, JANNA!"
You hear Star's desperate, frenzied pleading and the way her voice breaks on your name. Yet it all seems so distant as you finally utter. "I accept."
Toffee's face twists into a vicious smile for just a moment. "Good now—"
"—Not you, him." Feldrake's staff shatters as a burst of purple fire surges towards your body.
You hear Star's desperate, frenzied pleading and the way her voice breaks on your name. Yet it all seems so distant as you finally utter. "I accept."
Toffee's face twists into a vicious smile for just a moment. "Good now—"
"—Not you, him." Feldrake's staff shatters as a burst of purple fire surges towards your body.
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Oh I know, I'm saying that we should research it since the lack of tactile sensation is probably what's making our Doppelgänger AI not as good as Sinatron
And since the schematics we stole were literally the ones for Sinatron I'd be surprised if he was much more improved than that
- Location
- Who knows?
Goddamit caught like a dozen typos right after posting. I really need a beta after all. Plz point out if you see any.
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BlueWerewolf25
The Dreamer
- Location
- Wouldn't You Like To Know?
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Ohoho! That omake is brilliant! Probably non-canon at this point and time, but definitely brilliant!
- Location
- Who knows?
Ohoho! That omake is brilliant! Probably non-canon at this point and time, but definitely brilliant!
Thanks, had to make changes when people pointed out Yokai's whole thing is being SSEEKKRRIITT but the ghist should still be the same
(Only the Lonely) Survive
AProcrastinator
You can Certainly Try
- Location
- Getting Somewhere
- Pronouns
- She/Hers
(Only the Lonely) Survive
Wednesday, June 15th, 2016
~*~*~11:00 AM, Pacific Standard Time~*~*~
Wednesday, June 15th, 2016
~*~*~11:00 AM, Pacific Standard Time~*~*~
"Well," Kalabar said, eventually. "Noon, Mountain Time, on the dot. If I may be so bold…"
A reptilian finger reached forwards, and snuffed the flame within the crystal jack-o-lantern. The image within faded to nothingness.
"...I may not be," Kalabar continued, cheerful as ever. "Understood, sir."
"We've seen all we needed to from their little meeting of the minds," Toffee answered the unasked question, picking up the Rubix Rhododendron on his desk and idly twisting it, to and fro. "As suspected, the pharmacist does, indeed, have it out for me."
Click, click, click, went the toy. All the colors lining up in their proper orders.
"How quaint."
"Quaint indeed," Kalabar said, sounding a little strained. "Still, as oafen as he is, Dr. Doofenschmirtz-"
"Is unimportant."
"With all respect, sir," Kalabar stood. "He saw straight through our Trojan Cornfield, and certainly seems to be honing in onto where we're drawing our seed from." He paused. "If you see my meaning."
"You're afraid," Toffee said, without judgement. "It's understandable. As lacking as it ended up being, the fact that his territory holds any magical defense at all is …" One eyebrow, raised slightly. "Surprising."
Kalabar laughed, crossing to the window. "Oh, sir, a few lawn gnomes in miniature on a few employees' desks is hardly an unassailable fortress for one such as myself." Another laugh. "Scared. Please. For all of those guardians' 'vast power', they were so easily duped – distracted – won over by the good ol' 'look over there!' technique - that we were able to sneak in a mere twenty-five minutes after the board meeting's start!"
"Of course," said Toffee, still turning the plastic gears. "And the persistent static over certain names and sentences that were brought up in that meeting? The static we could not hear through, nor dispel?"
"It won't happen again," Kalabar said, lowly. "I will take measures to make certain that our divinations ring only true."
"I know you will," Toffee said, voice leaning neither one way or the other.
Kalabar flinched, anyway. "But that is precisely the point I am trying to make!" He turned from the window. "Sir, there are things that Doctor Doofenschmirtz is hiding from us! We had unprecedented access into his holdings, and you are -" With frustration, he laughed. "You're just letting them slip away! You've underestimated him before, sir; are you prepared to make that mistake again?"
Click, click, click, click.
"He is planning to destroy you, his home and his technologies are there for your perusal, and yet you turn him from your sight as though he were, gah, an unpleasant television program!"
Click, click, click, click, click, click, click.
"Well, I'll have no part in it! When the 'pharmacist' shows up at your doorstep with a ray gun the size of a city and atomizes you, don't come crying to-"
Toffee's eyes rose, all at once, from the Rhododendron to Kalabar's own.
The demon's breath caught in his throat, and he froze.
Click.
"Tell me," Toffee said, spinning his toy between his index claws. "The static."
"...sir, I can only apolo-"
"The static," Toffee repeated, leaning forwards a little. "Did it seem to block us hearing any of the … brainstorms … that Doofenschmirtz, or his esteemed board of directors, managed to throw together?"
"...no," Kalabar choked out. "Not as such. It seemed more …" He licked his lips. "I would hazard a guess that it was, ah, more private information. Names, and, erm, backstories."
"Hmm," Toffee said, without a hint of judgement in it. Idle curiousity. "And do you think that this meeting was something they showed to us on purpose?" The clicks began once more, and Toffee's eyes lowered. "A three-hour pantomime, all for the sake of pulling the wool over our eyes?"
"No, sir," Kalabar said. "It seemed … too genuine. Too, slap-dash. Too strange."
"Then we saw, and heard, every single idea that any one of Doofenschmirtz's most important employees could manage to come up with to stop me?"
Kalabar considered. "Yes."
"And do you believe that any of those ideas could kill one, such as I? Made of magic, as I am?"
"...no."
Click, click, click, click.
"You're thinking that I'm berating you, Kalabar, but I'm not," Toffee said. Even, flat, cold. Moondust. "Quite the opposite. You told me that you could look in on the quarterly meeting the Doctor so foolishly admitted he was having on his Twitter feed, and you did. And in doing so, you confirmed the most important piece of information I had suspected about Doofenschmirtz Evil Incorporated, et al, and the diseased lunatic standing at the top of that teetering tower."
"What's that, sir?"
Click.
"That the pharmacist is unimportant."
Toffee set the Rubix Rhododendron down. Every side, colored to perfection.
"...he cannot do anything to stop you," Kalabar said, slowly.
"His generals' best ideas would be irritating at worst," Toffee allowed some grim humor into his voice. "Prepared in advance for them as I am, well." He shrugged. "He'll die."
"Further espionage isn't necessary," Kalabar murmured at the shape of things.
"For the time being?" Toffee said. "No. But should that change…"
"I'll be more than happy to be of service!" Kalabar said, a tad too quickly.
"I know you will be," came the pronouncement, the impartial list of laws behind the executioner's axe.
Kalabar nodded. "Nothing the Doctor can do can touch you."
"Not a one of the things we've heard today."
Kalabar gulped. "Then … by your leave?"
"Have some faith, Kalabar," Toffee smiled, curled like twisting vines choking a tree, voice dropping to a silken whisper. "Be not afraid."
With only a slight pause, Kalabar stepped forwards, grasping his divining gourd. "For you are with me?"
"No," Toffee said. "For you are with me." His face dropped, as did his tone. "See that doesn't change."
Though his smile stayed frozen on his face, Kalabar had otherwise never moved as fast in his life -
THUMP.
- and as he left, he slammed the office door behind him.
Toffee allowed himself a momentary weakness- an irritated sigh, a pinch of the bridge of his muzzle. He leaned back in his seat, just … just taking a moment.
And after another moment, came another sound. Pip, pip, pip, pip. Raindrops at the window. All the magic in the universe, yet Mother Nature still had Her way with the world below.
Toffee steepled his fingers on his desk, in front of him. Considered.
The world. Dr. Doofenschmirtz, he who imagined himself at the heart of it. For all his grandeur, another cog in the great killing machine. For all his aspirations, just another warlord. For all his bluster, just … another passing trend.
Unimportant.
Pip, pip, pip, pippip, pippip, pipipip, pippip.
And yet, humans – oh, humans. Vile creatures. Disgusting, hateful, hungry. Barbarous. Give one of them an inch, and they'll take a foot.
Or a finger, as it were.
Pipipipip, pipipipip, pipipipip, pipipipipipipippipipipipipipipipipipipip.
Dr. Doofenschmirtz was human. And humans were so, so very good at coming up with new and inventive ways to kill everything around them. They, and their descendants, the Toons – chaotic things, laughing in the face of all that was. Get a group of them together, and even an immortal might have cause to …
Toffee slowly turned his head towards the window.
Towards the water, running down it.
Rain. Water was coming down in ...
Pipipipipipipippipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipippipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipippipipipip.
… buckets.
Slowly, a bead of sweat rolled down the wicked western wizard's forehead.
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