b-wolf95
Secretly a good boy
Not to mention he buried his late grandma in the thing, which is a situation where you really don't want to use a probably smelly knock-off rug.
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
- Location
- Two hours away
- Pronouns
- He/Him
The bottom cards are leaving Bellwether.
Send in Agent Alphabet to teach the animals about coexistence.
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
The cat is Mr. Fluffy Pants.
weredrago2
"Cowabunga, Shadow the Hedgehog..."
- Location
- Florida
New cards!
- Location
- USA
I kinda want Woolter.
Would definitely fit our "Pharmacist" image.
Would definitely fit our "Pharmacist" image.
b-wolf95
Secretly a good boy
Joining the War on Drugs on the side of Drugs
I thought Jake Long was confirmed as well.... But yeah, he has been not.
Only things we know is Rose, or Thorn, I guess, the new head hunter has a dragon skull mask and that his grandfather advises the king of Magical New York.
- Location
- The Hub
Of course, every monolithic institution needs a mustache-twirling villain to set themselves up against.
At the end of the day it makes perfect sense.
- Location
- Australia
We don't need Woolter. We already have Jumba. E: (And are hopefully getting honey lemon)
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- Location
- USA
Genetics and Chemistry are two different fields.
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
Different specialties. Jumba is the guy who makes you a gene-tailored turkey that can fly and shoot lasers out of its butt. Woolter is focused.
Also, Woolter is mercenary, in that he does what pays well. Jumba is an artist who desires to cause chaos for its own sake and finds most of our technology boring.
Very different hero units.
- Location
- Australia
Jumba is a master of biology with a genetics specialty. His accomplishments (creating advanced novel organisms) requires a pretty thorough understanding of biochemistry.
Of course if we asked him to setup a recreational drug lab he'd probably genetically engineer a plant or animal to automatically synthesize the drugs biologically at high purity instead of using chemistry lab equipment to refine the product but he'd still get the job done.
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
Yeah, but I don't think we're really suffering from having too many master scientists who are experts in their respective fields.
- Location
- Australia
We are near the unit cap, We can only use a few heroes for learning each turn and we are already splitting our attention between a lot of tech trees.
- Location
- USA
I just think it would be funny to actually start producing medicine and assorted drugs since everyone thinks we're a pharmacist but we don't actually sell any medicine (that I know of).
I don't think anyone is really serious about hiring him.
I don't think anyone is really serious about hiring him.
- Location
- Germany
Might be one of DEIs many minor ventures
- Location
- USA
More learning heroes means that our learning heroes have more opportunity to take personal actions or quest, which means they will improve over time.
Jumba, for example, is looking like he's stuck doing nationals for 3-4 turns or so.
Total Learning Heroes, including Loyalty
Jumba with +44 General, +64 GalFed, +74 Genetics
Ludivine with +44 General, No Specialty, 1/6 Wander, Councilor
Lizzy with +36 General, No Specialty
Technor with +34 general, No Specialty
Wendy with +33 General, and +63 Robotics
Wasabi with +26 to General, and +46 Optics
Alan Bradley with +25 General, +45 Coding, +50 Security Coding
Janus Lee with +25 General, +45 Vehicles and Genetics, Councilor
Wile Coyote with +25 General, No Specialty, Councilor
So unless we go for Special options, Jumba is our best bet for a lot of these sadly. Doesn't help most of our options are Genetics, Gal fed, or Locked to Animals/Aliens/Magical Creatures
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- Location
- USA
Why did you list learning heroes? Are you arguing that we dont need more or better units? You should state your argument otherwise people will assume what you meant.
Ludivine, Janus, and Wiley are unavailable as councilors. So remove them from your list.
Technor will be unavailable from Black ops most likely, or higher priorities such as diplo. (Or from prepping for Black ops with mech)
That leaves us with Jumba, Lizzy, Wendy, Wasabi, and Alan.
Lizzy is meh on availability for learning because of her connection to Marcnificent Few and questing.
Alan also has higher priorities for stewardship and other actions and such before learning, and his learning score is lower compared to the rest.
Wasabi is in a similar boat as Alan except having even higher priority to do personal actions such as organization, reaching out, etc.
So that leaves just Jumba and Wendy as core learning units. 2 core units and 2 Learning actions. The problem is that we have historically used Wendy for Martial actions and Jumba for personals, so if we want to continue using them with the prior level of flexibility without sacrificing on quality, we would need to recruit at least one more learning unit of their caliber (30+).
Overall we may be okay with doing learning actions themselves, but when you drill down to a specific learning unit, especially the ones at the top (Jumba, Wendy) now that we have made the council, they have little flexibility to do personals, quests, etc. This lack of flexibility means our best units will not improve. Or if they do, very slowly.
For example, in Jumba's case, we improved his experiment roll twice yet have only used it once. Giving more flexibility to Jumba gives us more opportunity to capitalize on that improvement.
Edit: looks like your point was not disagreeing with my prior post, but instead agreeing with the fact that our current situation means we kind of have to rely on Jumba for learning actions for the foreseeable future.
If so, we still need to recruit someone eventually to help rectify that if we want to use Jumba for personals, to improve Jumba.
I'm not saying recruit a learning hero next turn, we have higher priorities (recruiting diplo units, intrigue, etc.), just we should consider recruiting just one more high quality one in the medium to long run (after 4 turns or so) to enable our best learning units to do more personal actions in the long run, if our "runner up" learning heroes (Wasabi) don't improve enough in the meantime.
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A hot take, but I think it was a mistake to make the thread choose between nationals and personals. They should have always been separate.
No, I more am saying we got no one on Jumba's level. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that, Jumba's generic is almost as good as half our Specialist in their Specialties.
Beyond the Bonds of Time and Space
- Location
- California,USA
Beyond the Bonds of Time and Space
Being beyond the bonds of time…and taken by the unknown.
Three Astronauts and the X-20 live in a land of madness, glory, nightmares, and daydreams…a world of pure imagination.
A land of dreams…and their powers over the hearts of man still walk the earth.
In the euphoria of their annihilation, comes the aftereffect of terror and the primal fear that lies within the hearts of all men.
This is a story made by a man traveling the realm between Dream and Nightmare.
As he peers into the world beyond…Time and Man
----------------------------------------
(Forbes POV)
How many times am I going to have to hear that god-forsaken voice when the sky opens up?
It was a peculiar anomaly for sure, to hear something powerful and otherworldly describe your life like a radio play or TV show in full. It was both invigorating to be acknowledged…but also terrifying to know what happens next.
You had walked across dozens of dreams and nightmares in this…imprisonment? situation? You didn't know what to call it.
It was the unknown…countless situations, countless ideas, and memories.
Once you had gotten yourself nearly killed by a three-eyed alien in a diner.
In another time you had watched a plane fly across space and time.
Another time…well you didn't want to remember the planet of giants and the number of times you nearly died.
It became almost routine…you were put into a situation where you had to use every bit of your wit, wisdom and intelligence to survive, only for most of it not to matter due to a plot twist of the sort you could SEE coming yet it would always surprise you.
You haven't even realized if you found something…you knew you had to SEARCH FOR SOMETHING!
X-20…Garth…Harrington?
These meant something and you had to find them!
Were they real?
As real as you?
After all? It was the only thing you could remember when you came down from that high of sorts, you didn't know what caused it or what you could have seen to warrant such a thing.
Did it even matter? You were here now?
Your Name was Lt Colonel Gregg Forbes, Born in Maryland in 1930, you had served with Garth and Harrington in Korea and as an Astronaut. You had graduated from the United States Airforce Academy in the same class.
Harrington disappeared before you…then you disappeared before Garth...
Oh god…Garth must have been so terrified of what happened?
And now you were lost in a land of dreams.
Searching….and looking for the lost things beyond time.
You may never find them in this void of memories.
You may never find a way out of this timeless place.
But you would not give up on them, no matter how bleak the odds seemed.
After all? Were dreams not the place where heroes are made to keep the fear of the terrible fear of the unknown at bay?
In a land of dreams…anything is possible…even a victory against an idea such as defeat and despair.
You would never stop looking for them? You won't stop trying to find them and find a way out.
You'd save others? There were others like you weren't there?
Of course, there were…you'd save them all if you could.
But for now, finding them would be enough.
Enough of a victory to hold back the shadow of defeat.
-------------------------------
And that alone in all the cynicism and madness is the key to it all, victory is the very crystalization of hope.
Hope that all a man can do to triumph against evil is enough…It can inspire courage in the weakest men and bring light into the darkest of places.
And maybe show that...even Evil can be a source of Good.
But these are Lessons that can only be gleaned from peering…Into the Twilight Zone.
----------------------------
AN: Hey guy's a New Cyber Omake. IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
This is all just set up to search for Russ and the others.
@Phoenix853456! thanks for the little tidbit on Garth Forbes and Harrington, Loved that episode and yes I will get a look at our man RUSS soon enough!
Being beyond the bonds of time…and taken by the unknown.
Three Astronauts and the X-20 live in a land of madness, glory, nightmares, and daydreams…a world of pure imagination.
A land of dreams…and their powers over the hearts of man still walk the earth.
In the euphoria of their annihilation, comes the aftereffect of terror and the primal fear that lies within the hearts of all men.
This is a story made by a man traveling the realm between Dream and Nightmare.
As he peers into the world beyond…Time and Man
----------------------------------------
(Forbes POV)
How many times am I going to have to hear that god-forsaken voice when the sky opens up?
It was a peculiar anomaly for sure, to hear something powerful and otherworldly describe your life like a radio play or TV show in full. It was both invigorating to be acknowledged…but also terrifying to know what happens next.
You had walked across dozens of dreams and nightmares in this…imprisonment? situation? You didn't know what to call it.
It was the unknown…countless situations, countless ideas, and memories.
Once you had gotten yourself nearly killed by a three-eyed alien in a diner.
In another time you had watched a plane fly across space and time.
Another time…well you didn't want to remember the planet of giants and the number of times you nearly died.
It became almost routine…you were put into a situation where you had to use every bit of your wit, wisdom and intelligence to survive, only for most of it not to matter due to a plot twist of the sort you could SEE coming yet it would always surprise you.
You haven't even realized if you found something…you knew you had to SEARCH FOR SOMETHING!
X-20…Garth…Harrington?
These meant something and you had to find them!
Were they real?
As real as you?
After all? It was the only thing you could remember when you came down from that high of sorts, you didn't know what caused it or what you could have seen to warrant such a thing.
Did it even matter? You were here now?
Your Name was Lt Colonel Gregg Forbes, Born in Maryland in 1930, you had served with Garth and Harrington in Korea and as an Astronaut. You had graduated from the United States Airforce Academy in the same class.
Harrington disappeared before you…then you disappeared before Garth...
Oh god…Garth must have been so terrified of what happened?
And now you were lost in a land of dreams.
Searching….and looking for the lost things beyond time.
You may never find them in this void of memories.
You may never find a way out of this timeless place.
But you would not give up on them, no matter how bleak the odds seemed.
After all? Were dreams not the place where heroes are made to keep the fear of the terrible fear of the unknown at bay?
In a land of dreams…anything is possible…even a victory against an idea such as defeat and despair.
You would never stop looking for them? You won't stop trying to find them and find a way out.
You'd save others? There were others like you weren't there?
Of course, there were…you'd save them all if you could.
But for now, finding them would be enough.
Enough of a victory to hold back the shadow of defeat.
-------------------------------
And that alone in all the cynicism and madness is the key to it all, victory is the very crystalization of hope.
Hope that all a man can do to triumph against evil is enough…It can inspire courage in the weakest men and bring light into the darkest of places.
And maybe show that...even Evil can be a source of Good.
But these are Lessons that can only be gleaned from peering…Into the Twilight Zone.
----------------------------
Stats
Martial: 21 (A Veteran Pilot of the Korean War and Astronaut training, on top of being an officer of worth.)
Diplomacy: 10 (While good looking in a Uniform, capable and photogenic, he is...in the end a normal man.)
Stewardship: 11 (A Colonel who knows how to tune a budget and is responsible)
Intrigue: 10 ( While Practical and could keep a secret as his nation demands...he's easy to read)
Learning: 14 (A Astronaut who has been to space and knows all there is to getting back alive...)
Occult: 2 (He has no discernible talent for Magic or the Occult...save an encounter with something B̴̞̘͔̋É̸̹̺́̊Y̸̰͔̓̀O̷̢͕͑ͅŇ̴̘͍͔̃D̷̦̗̈́ ̴̨̻̻͌O̵̲͒͐U̷̥̮͊̈R̵̹̄ ̴͔̂̓ͅͅU̶̢͉̹͆̚͠N̷̞̋̀D̴͍͂̕È̸̛̹͘R̶͙͎̦̔̅̈́S̷͖̭̤͋͐͠TA̶̞͈̠͊N̵̡̊̊̂D̸̮͂͛͋Í̷͉̕͠N̵̢̞͋́G̸̛̒̍)
Traits
I̸n̷ ̶t̸h̸e̵ ̷T̶w̷i̸l̷i̷g̶h̶t̷ ̷Z̴o̷n̶e̶:̴ Once upon a time, there was a man named Harrington, a man named Forbes, a man named Gart. They used to exist, but don't any longer. Someone – or something – took them somewhere. Somewhere beyond time and beyond the science of man. Somewhere the Human Mind can only see in its dreams of creativity and insanity...a place man knows well. A place called The Twilight Zone. (????)
Martial: 21 (A Veteran Pilot of the Korean War and Astronaut training, on top of being an officer of worth.)
Diplomacy: 10 (While good looking in a Uniform, capable and photogenic, he is...in the end a normal man.)
Stewardship: 11 (A Colonel who knows how to tune a budget and is responsible)
Intrigue: 10 ( While Practical and could keep a secret as his nation demands...he's easy to read)
Learning: 14 (A Astronaut who has been to space and knows all there is to getting back alive...)
Occult: 2 (He has no discernible talent for Magic or the Occult...save an encounter with something B̴̞̘͔̋É̸̹̺́̊Y̸̰͔̓̀O̷̢͕͑ͅŇ̴̘͍͔̃D̷̦̗̈́ ̴̨̻̻͌O̵̲͒͐U̷̥̮͊̈R̵̹̄ ̴͔̂̓ͅͅU̶̢͉̹͆̚͠N̷̞̋̀D̴͍͂̕È̸̛̹͘R̶͙͎̦̔̅̈́S̷͖̭̤͋͐͠TA̶̞͈̠͊N̵̡̊̊̂D̸̮͂͛͋Í̷͉̕͠N̵̢̞͋́G̸̛̒̍)
Traits
I̸n̷ ̶t̸h̸e̵ ̷T̶w̷i̸l̷i̷g̶h̶t̷ ̷Z̴o̷n̶e̶:̴ Once upon a time, there was a man named Harrington, a man named Forbes, a man named Gart. They used to exist, but don't any longer. Someone – or something – took them somewhere. Somewhere beyond time and beyond the science of man. Somewhere the Human Mind can only see in its dreams of creativity and insanity...a place man knows well. A place called The Twilight Zone. (????)
AN: Hey guy's a New Cyber Omake. IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!
This is all just set up to search for Russ and the others.
@Phoenix853456! thanks for the little tidbit on Garth Forbes and Harrington, Loved that episode and yes I will get a look at our man RUSS soon enough!
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Interlude: The Right Hands for the Job
- Location
- Pennsylvania
"I-I'm sorry. Could you explain that again?" You ask.
"I'm directly responsible for the deaths of dozens of people."
"Right." You say. "I-I'm sorry, am I still asleep? Well. That probably wouldn't make a difference, the dreams were real too. Technor was there, and the Dreamfinder, and the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion… actually that last part might have been a normal dream."
"You're… rambling Doctor."
"Yeah I know, I do that when I'm nervous." You almost-snap. The cold you feel has little to do with the ice still melting in your pockets. "This is…"
You try again. "It's a lot to…
"Hoo."
"I understand." Mirage tells you. "Given what I've done, and the ongoing risks of continuing my employment, I've prepared as best I can for my departure. Your… 'council' is already waiting to finish debriefing you on what's gone on in your absence. I've yet to finalize a director of… more covert affairs, but I'm sure you can make your own choice from the shortlist I've provided. If that's all, I'll leave you to your meeting and begin my work preparing for-"
"Wait." You say, raising an arm. "Don't…"
Mirage slows to a stop, turning back around to regard you with uncertainty.
"I…" You try one last time, and then admit that you will never get this to sound the way you want it to. "Why did you do it?"
Mirage looks at you for a moment. "Power." She says, with a defeated shrug. "Force of personality. A willingness to completely ignore what I was actually doing until it effected me. I wish I had a better answer for you. But I don't."
"I… understand." You say, and for better or worse, you really think you do. "When you devote all your time to destroying a nemesis, you don't really… put much thought into what 'destroy' actually means."
"That's not-" Mirage attempts to begin, before silencing herself. What, does she think it's different? You don't think so. So you keep going.
"I know what it's like to…" You struggle for a moment, even to admit it to yourself. But a part of you just… isn't willing to keep up the lie anymore. "Regret. Something. And if you think I'm going to toss you out over this, well you'd better think again! This is Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Everyone's at least a little bit evil here."
She looks at you uncomfortably for a moment, and you feel the intended strength of your brilliant declaration sapping away in the face of reality. "Okay, okay. So maybe this isn't… the kind of evil I… usually… see. At all."
You take a breath.
"But that doesn't change anything! We need you! I'm still not sure where that bowl of mints went but it could come back at any time! You're important. Almost as important as me! So… come on, eh? Who's gonna be my spymaster but you? Tobe? I'd have to get like, fifty more seats in there for all his unspecified number of ninja. That's not happening, we need that money for the drywall budget."
Mirage laughs, despite everything, and you try to understand why. You really do. Must be your winning personality!
"We can't… just move past this, Doctor." Mirage says after a moment.
"I mean, what else is there to do now, really? Send you to jail or something? What's that gonna accomplish? I don't know what the answer is, but it's not that. Jail sucks! There's only like, one smoothie machine in the whole building. We'll… we'll figure out something else."
"Be better…" Mirage says to herself.
"What was that?" You ask.
Mirage blinks. "Oh! Nothing, Doctor. Nothing. Let's… let's get going then."
"Please, call me Heinz. I read in a book once that's what friends do."
Mirage looks at you for a moment. "...Friends?"
"Yeah, um." You rub the back of your head. "Recent events have informed me that I may not have as many… actual friends in my life, as I thought I did. Should've known, really. So I'm trying to be more intentional. About. That."
The silence goes on for a further few moments.
"This ah… this is awkward. Now.
"...We should go."
"Yes."
===
You bust through the door with your usual bravado. "Alright, who's ready to do some evi-"
"And I'm telling you, if you vant transhumanism, den we already have ducks!"
"The small sample size of ducks in the world means that they are an outlier and should be excluded from our calculations! It's simple statistics!"
"Don't yoo talk to me abowt statistics young man, I was calculating zentral tendencies where you were in diapers, I'll have yoo know."
"Pardon me," Coyote interjects, "But aren't you only six years old? I do recall that you said you, as a clone, split from Ludwig that long ago…"
"Yoo stay out of this! It's rehlative!"
"What kinda relative?" Goofy asks. "Does that make you two siblings 'r somethin'?"
"Deuggghhhh." Ludivine shudders. "Nevah say dat again."
"I have no idea what a clone is!" Malifishmirtz spoke up.
"Okay." Mirage says, clapping her hands together in order to halt the bickering. "Everyone. Doctor… Heinz. Is back."
You're not sure why, but you expected applause. You didn't get any. Oh well. At least the reception isn't negative.
"Perhaps now we can return to business." Coyote replies. "We have an ongoing crisis at Olympia Corp-"
"Agaihn." Ludivine notes.
"Someone's stolen a Zero Point Emitter from our vaults, and of course we still have the ongoing 'stare at Doom and frown' campaign which we've elected to continue indefinitely."
Lee shuffles his papers noisily. "Jumba and I have prepared a full docket of potential avenues for research in the coming months, and while we are hopeful you will decide to examine some genetics opportunities-"
"I get ze final say!" Ludivine says insistently. "Don't yoo worry, I'll have tings in tip top shape, not a moment wasted."
"I've actually got my own suggestions for how we can get things into shape around here, while recent innovations have been impressive, I can't help but notice a few opportunities for them to snowball out of control." Janus continues.
"You mean 'put an end to dem!' You're fah too paranoid abouht AI!" Ludivine replies.
"And why shouldn't I be worried? Before we get into any sort of philosophical conundrums about 'rights' or any of that, why don't we head it off ahead of time? We know the stimuli that lead to the development, or at least the possibility of full sapience, so I'm proposing that we develop a system to prevent that from ever happening in the first place. No sapience, no hypothetical rights violations. It's as simple as that, and as a bonus it ensures the programs will never be smart enough to rebel."
"That's quite sensible." Mirage comments.
"But just imagine what we could do with intelligent machines!" Coyote declares. "The potential for violence alone…"
"Ooookay." You say, taking a seat and attempting to bring some measure of unity to the proceedings. "Mirage picked you all for a reason, and I picked her for a reason, so I'll be sure to listen to all your input for the next… how long is this meeting scheduled for?"
"Five hours." Mirage says.
"Oh."
Goofy slaps you on the back. "Cheer up, Doctor D! We've got a bright future ahead of us! It's good ta have ya back."
You flick through the pile of reports on everything that's happened since you've gone into stasis. Another Olympia gala gone mad, restaurants starting to yell at each other over the radio, Coyote having a very bad time over in Paris… you're going to have to take some time to read everything eventually.
"In regards to the Olympia situation," Coyote continues, "I'm not sure I'm fully on board with propping them up at our own expense. It may be the altruistic thing to do but we are a business, and I'm certain that would not count as a tax-refundable donation."
"Aw, come on guys!" Goofy objects. "Mr. Deavor's one of the nicest guys in the industry! And wouldn't it be nice to have a friend instead of a competitor on the board?"
"He'll still be a competitor!" Janus insists. "Even if he's marginally aligned with us we shouldn't expect the same sort of charity from him! A hostile takeover isn't really an option at this point, but there's nothing to stop us from poaching whatever we can and leaving them to their fate."
"Winston is different." Mirage notes. "I know it may sound a bit rich, coming from me, but the man is far more interested in the general welfare than he is in making a profit. If you don't find that particularly… admirable, then consider the benefits of a reliable actor in our own interests upon the board."
"If they want to work with us, they should merge with our guild and have done with it." Malifishmirtz grouses.
"Well I say Winston's got the right idea!" Goofy declares, pounding his fist into his hand. "What's the point of being a big shot if we can't give back to the community! A little money's not gonna hurt anything to spend on the less fortunate, and I'm sure folks'd be real appreciative."
"Oh yes, fine, whatever." Coyote waves him off. "Speaking of the community, I'm sure you've all noticed the ads for 'Helping Hats' wherever you go?"
"It is somewhat… concerning." Mirage admits.
"Oh yeah!" you say, flicking through the papers until you come across a two-page spread from a newspaper. "These are the evil mind-controlling things, aren't they? We should probably do something about that, and I've already got an idea." You grin evilly. "Ban the hats!"
"We don't exactly have the ability to pick and choose what companies people shop from, Docto-"
"No no no no no. All hats!"
You pause for effect.
"No." Mirage says flatly, and she's followed by a chorus of consenting opinions from your other councilors.
"I like m'hat." Goofy says, taking it off his head and holding it in his hands.
"Spoilsports."
"Well, since we can't do something so overt, why don't we do something overt in a different way?" Coyote asks. "We know that those dastardly InventCo factories are churning out the things like hotcakes. So why not plan for some good old-fashioned sabotage? You know, sugar in the diesel tanks, thermite on the conveyor belts, the works! Send a message to them! 'Someone knows what you're up to, and won't stand for it!'"
"We don't know what they're up to." Mirage stresses. "Doctor, I don't disagree, some action may be necessary. But I would suggest we interrogate this… man… who has been living off the company dime in hiding for several months now. Olivia thinks he knows something."
"Mm." Janus assents. "It's more overt than I'd care for. Perhaps we could kidnap an execu- no, no, too early yet." Janus shrugs. "Later."
"So let me get this straight." Malf isn't quite sitting in his chair, he's just floating in the middle of it. "There's this evil merchant out there that's making mind-control talismans and sticking them in hats. And you want to go bust up their stocks? That's a great idea!"
"They had stocks in the middle ages?" Coyote asked.
"Of course, what else would we put criminals in? The Goozim cage? That was over way too fast."
"Alright so." You bring the group back in. "I understand that I have previously not been very attentive to the fact that we… run… a business. You say. "So, we can… talk… about… that?"
"Ah, you wish to make some more direct choices?" Coyote asks. "In that case, I'm sure Janus and I can provide a broad strategic overview."
The next 40 minutes are a dizzying cavalcade of numbers and concepts you only vaguely remember from the early days, back when DEI was just you and a pushcart and you had to do all of this yourself. By the end of it, you're struggling to keep the literal billions of dollars DEI has flowing around straight enough to make a decision. The rest of the table looks to you expectantly.
"So." Goofy asks cheerily. "What're we gonna do today?"
===
Mirage has gained 5 loyalty.
Your new councilor-suggested actions will come in the next turn update!
"I'm directly responsible for the deaths of dozens of people."
"Right." You say. "I-I'm sorry, am I still asleep? Well. That probably wouldn't make a difference, the dreams were real too. Technor was there, and the Dreamfinder, and the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion… actually that last part might have been a normal dream."
"You're… rambling Doctor."
"Yeah I know, I do that when I'm nervous." You almost-snap. The cold you feel has little to do with the ice still melting in your pockets. "This is…"
You try again. "It's a lot to…
"Hoo."
"I understand." Mirage tells you. "Given what I've done, and the ongoing risks of continuing my employment, I've prepared as best I can for my departure. Your… 'council' is already waiting to finish debriefing you on what's gone on in your absence. I've yet to finalize a director of… more covert affairs, but I'm sure you can make your own choice from the shortlist I've provided. If that's all, I'll leave you to your meeting and begin my work preparing for-"
"Wait." You say, raising an arm. "Don't…"
Mirage slows to a stop, turning back around to regard you with uncertainty.
"I…" You try one last time, and then admit that you will never get this to sound the way you want it to. "Why did you do it?"
Mirage looks at you for a moment. "Power." She says, with a defeated shrug. "Force of personality. A willingness to completely ignore what I was actually doing until it effected me. I wish I had a better answer for you. But I don't."
"I… understand." You say, and for better or worse, you really think you do. "When you devote all your time to destroying a nemesis, you don't really… put much thought into what 'destroy' actually means."
"That's not-" Mirage attempts to begin, before silencing herself. What, does she think it's different? You don't think so. So you keep going.
"I know what it's like to…" You struggle for a moment, even to admit it to yourself. But a part of you just… isn't willing to keep up the lie anymore. "Regret. Something. And if you think I'm going to toss you out over this, well you'd better think again! This is Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Everyone's at least a little bit evil here."
She looks at you uncomfortably for a moment, and you feel the intended strength of your brilliant declaration sapping away in the face of reality. "Okay, okay. So maybe this isn't… the kind of evil I… usually… see. At all."
You take a breath.
"But that doesn't change anything! We need you! I'm still not sure where that bowl of mints went but it could come back at any time! You're important. Almost as important as me! So… come on, eh? Who's gonna be my spymaster but you? Tobe? I'd have to get like, fifty more seats in there for all his unspecified number of ninja. That's not happening, we need that money for the drywall budget."
Mirage laughs, despite everything, and you try to understand why. You really do. Must be your winning personality!
"We can't… just move past this, Doctor." Mirage says after a moment.
"I mean, what else is there to do now, really? Send you to jail or something? What's that gonna accomplish? I don't know what the answer is, but it's not that. Jail sucks! There's only like, one smoothie machine in the whole building. We'll… we'll figure out something else."
"Be better…" Mirage says to herself.
"What was that?" You ask.
Mirage blinks. "Oh! Nothing, Doctor. Nothing. Let's… let's get going then."
"Please, call me Heinz. I read in a book once that's what friends do."
Mirage looks at you for a moment. "...Friends?"
"Yeah, um." You rub the back of your head. "Recent events have informed me that I may not have as many… actual friends in my life, as I thought I did. Should've known, really. So I'm trying to be more intentional. About. That."
The silence goes on for a further few moments.
"This ah… this is awkward. Now.
"...We should go."
"Yes."
===
You bust through the door with your usual bravado. "Alright, who's ready to do some evi-"
"And I'm telling you, if you vant transhumanism, den we already have ducks!"
"The small sample size of ducks in the world means that they are an outlier and should be excluded from our calculations! It's simple statistics!"
"Don't yoo talk to me abowt statistics young man, I was calculating zentral tendencies where you were in diapers, I'll have yoo know."
"Pardon me," Coyote interjects, "But aren't you only six years old? I do recall that you said you, as a clone, split from Ludwig that long ago…"
"Yoo stay out of this! It's rehlative!"
"What kinda relative?" Goofy asks. "Does that make you two siblings 'r somethin'?"
"Deuggghhhh." Ludivine shudders. "Nevah say dat again."
"I have no idea what a clone is!" Malifishmirtz spoke up.
"Okay." Mirage says, clapping her hands together in order to halt the bickering. "Everyone. Doctor… Heinz. Is back."
You're not sure why, but you expected applause. You didn't get any. Oh well. At least the reception isn't negative.
"Perhaps now we can return to business." Coyote replies. "We have an ongoing crisis at Olympia Corp-"
"Agaihn." Ludivine notes.
"Someone's stolen a Zero Point Emitter from our vaults, and of course we still have the ongoing 'stare at Doom and frown' campaign which we've elected to continue indefinitely."
Lee shuffles his papers noisily. "Jumba and I have prepared a full docket of potential avenues for research in the coming months, and while we are hopeful you will decide to examine some genetics opportunities-"
"I get ze final say!" Ludivine says insistently. "Don't yoo worry, I'll have tings in tip top shape, not a moment wasted."
"I've actually got my own suggestions for how we can get things into shape around here, while recent innovations have been impressive, I can't help but notice a few opportunities for them to snowball out of control." Janus continues.
"You mean 'put an end to dem!' You're fah too paranoid abouht AI!" Ludivine replies.
"And why shouldn't I be worried? Before we get into any sort of philosophical conundrums about 'rights' or any of that, why don't we head it off ahead of time? We know the stimuli that lead to the development, or at least the possibility of full sapience, so I'm proposing that we develop a system to prevent that from ever happening in the first place. No sapience, no hypothetical rights violations. It's as simple as that, and as a bonus it ensures the programs will never be smart enough to rebel."
"That's quite sensible." Mirage comments.
"But just imagine what we could do with intelligent machines!" Coyote declares. "The potential for violence alone…"
"Ooookay." You say, taking a seat and attempting to bring some measure of unity to the proceedings. "Mirage picked you all for a reason, and I picked her for a reason, so I'll be sure to listen to all your input for the next… how long is this meeting scheduled for?"
"Five hours." Mirage says.
"Oh."
Goofy slaps you on the back. "Cheer up, Doctor D! We've got a bright future ahead of us! It's good ta have ya back."
You flick through the pile of reports on everything that's happened since you've gone into stasis. Another Olympia gala gone mad, restaurants starting to yell at each other over the radio, Coyote having a very bad time over in Paris… you're going to have to take some time to read everything eventually.
"In regards to the Olympia situation," Coyote continues, "I'm not sure I'm fully on board with propping them up at our own expense. It may be the altruistic thing to do but we are a business, and I'm certain that would not count as a tax-refundable donation."
"Aw, come on guys!" Goofy objects. "Mr. Deavor's one of the nicest guys in the industry! And wouldn't it be nice to have a friend instead of a competitor on the board?"
"He'll still be a competitor!" Janus insists. "Even if he's marginally aligned with us we shouldn't expect the same sort of charity from him! A hostile takeover isn't really an option at this point, but there's nothing to stop us from poaching whatever we can and leaving them to their fate."
"Winston is different." Mirage notes. "I know it may sound a bit rich, coming from me, but the man is far more interested in the general welfare than he is in making a profit. If you don't find that particularly… admirable, then consider the benefits of a reliable actor in our own interests upon the board."
"If they want to work with us, they should merge with our guild and have done with it." Malifishmirtz grouses.
"Well I say Winston's got the right idea!" Goofy declares, pounding his fist into his hand. "What's the point of being a big shot if we can't give back to the community! A little money's not gonna hurt anything to spend on the less fortunate, and I'm sure folks'd be real appreciative."
"Oh yes, fine, whatever." Coyote waves him off. "Speaking of the community, I'm sure you've all noticed the ads for 'Helping Hats' wherever you go?"
"It is somewhat… concerning." Mirage admits.
"Oh yeah!" you say, flicking through the papers until you come across a two-page spread from a newspaper. "These are the evil mind-controlling things, aren't they? We should probably do something about that, and I've already got an idea." You grin evilly. "Ban the hats!"
"We don't exactly have the ability to pick and choose what companies people shop from, Docto-"
"No no no no no. All hats!"
You pause for effect.
"No." Mirage says flatly, and she's followed by a chorus of consenting opinions from your other councilors.
"I like m'hat." Goofy says, taking it off his head and holding it in his hands.
"Spoilsports."
"Well, since we can't do something so overt, why don't we do something overt in a different way?" Coyote asks. "We know that those dastardly InventCo factories are churning out the things like hotcakes. So why not plan for some good old-fashioned sabotage? You know, sugar in the diesel tanks, thermite on the conveyor belts, the works! Send a message to them! 'Someone knows what you're up to, and won't stand for it!'"
"We don't know what they're up to." Mirage stresses. "Doctor, I don't disagree, some action may be necessary. But I would suggest we interrogate this… man… who has been living off the company dime in hiding for several months now. Olivia thinks he knows something."
"Mm." Janus assents. "It's more overt than I'd care for. Perhaps we could kidnap an execu- no, no, too early yet." Janus shrugs. "Later."
"So let me get this straight." Malf isn't quite sitting in his chair, he's just floating in the middle of it. "There's this evil merchant out there that's making mind-control talismans and sticking them in hats. And you want to go bust up their stocks? That's a great idea!"
"They had stocks in the middle ages?" Coyote asked.
"Of course, what else would we put criminals in? The Goozim cage? That was over way too fast."
"Alright so." You bring the group back in. "I understand that I have previously not been very attentive to the fact that we… run… a business. You say. "So, we can… talk… about… that?"
"Ah, you wish to make some more direct choices?" Coyote asks. "In that case, I'm sure Janus and I can provide a broad strategic overview."
The next 40 minutes are a dizzying cavalcade of numbers and concepts you only vaguely remember from the early days, back when DEI was just you and a pushcart and you had to do all of this yourself. By the end of it, you're struggling to keep the literal billions of dollars DEI has flowing around straight enough to make a decision. The rest of the table looks to you expectantly.
"So." Goofy asks cheerily. "What're we gonna do today?"
===
Mirage has gained 5 loyalty.
Your new councilor-suggested actions will come in the next turn update!
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LiamOfOrmonde
67% lewd. Oh my!
- Location
- Florida Sometimes
This quote says something to me.
Maybe we should ask for people's opinions more often...
- Location
- Germany
Doof: "The same thing we do every day, Goofy - try to solidify our control over my Tri-State Area!!!...which apparently is a bit more work than justfiring up my latest Inator and hope for the best..."