- Pronouns
- He
May Ray Liotta rest in peace.I suppose that is relevant.
Ray Liotta Dies: ‘Goodfellas’ Star & ‘Field Of Dreams’ Actor Was 67
Ray Liotta has died. The 'Goodfellas' star and 'Field Of Dreams' actor was 67.www.google.com
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Contractors
Contractors are a new type of unit that represents all the weird little hero units that don't quite work for you.
Contractors function similarly to normal hero units, but have some sort of cost or limitation associated with them. They might only be available certain parts of the year, cost Funds to provide their services, or refuse to perform actions not clearly related to their interests. Contractors note their requirements in their hero unit sheets.
Your current Contractors are:
Hiring the Dickens Detective Agency in general will require an open contractor slot.
Ending a contractor spot takes a personal action, the same as removing a hero unit.
You now have a contractor limit separate to your normal hero units. Your cap is currently 5/5.
The increase to hero unit cap action has now been turned into an increase to contractor cap.
Oh, and as an alert. We're adding one more category to the Lore post: Mysteries. Things that you don't know what's going on.
Contractors are a new type of unit that represents all the weird little hero units that don't quite work for you.
Contractors function similarly to normal hero units, but have some sort of cost or limitation associated with them. They might only be available certain parts of the year, cost Funds to provide their services, or refuse to perform actions not clearly related to their interests. Contractors note their requirements in their hero unit sheets.
Your current Contractors are:
- Roddy Blair, King of Lairs
- Tom Lucitor
- Marco Diaz
- Olivia Dickens
- Martin Smarty
Hiring the Dickens Detective Agency in general will require an open contractor slot.
Ending a contractor spot takes a personal action, the same as removing a hero unit.
You now have a contractor limit separate to your normal hero units. Your cap is currently 5/5.
The increase to hero unit cap action has now been turned into an increase to contractor cap.
Oh, and as an alert. We're adding one more category to the Lore post: Mysteries. Things that you don't know what's going on.
weredrago2
"Cowabunga, Shadow the Hedgehog..."
- Location
- Florida
New card!
Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
Hate to ask this, but what about Phineas & Ferb?
- Location
- USA
So we can't use the Dickens detective agency till we free up a slot?
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
Can there be mechanisms for converting a contractor to a hero unit?
Roddy Blair, for instance, is someone who we could plausibly get on retainer unless he is truly adamant about not going on retainer. Martin Smarty could theoretically be convinced to merge with us, I would imagine.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
It just didn't feel right.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
That is correct.
Theoretically, but Roddy right now is not very interested in going exclusive.
Objectives
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Objectives
Some people have expressed a concern that they do not know what we want them to do. Well the answer is 'everything!' But that's not very helpful. So. We decided to make some Objectives!
Objectives are goals that you can work towards that represent significant achievements or ways you can move your plotlines forward. When you complete one, you'll get a small reward! And you'll be able to add it to your Achievements list!
Because it's fun, that's why.
You're not expected to get every achievement in the game. In fact, it should be quite impossible! But if you want some direction, well… pick a few you like.
Here's a list of a few objectives we've retroactively decided you've accomplished:
A New Face: Uncover Janus Lee's secret.
Androids Dream: Create sentient artificial life. On purpose.
Completely Justified Response: Burn down Mark Beaks' house.
Donut Steel: Recruit a DVV original character and make them important to the greater quest.
Don't Go In the Elevator: Go in the elevator.
Gone Straight: Reform a supervillain.
Greatest Creation (I have on hand right now): Obtain Experiment 625.
Hunter's Moon: See the formation of a new Huntsclan.
It's You: Take a step towards self-actualization.
Leaving the Nest: Let Vanessa go. To college.
Like a Ninja of Love: Help Tobe overcome his anime protagonist energy and find true romance.
Making You Proud: Get Vanessa into SFIT.
My Funny Friend and Me: Gain an Ally.
People Die When They Are Killed: Figure out what Kitsune meant.
Reward: +5 Kitsune Opinion.
Sixty-Eight Years: Help Wile E. Coyote fulfill his life's ambition.
Totally Original Idea: Transport Castle Doofhawk across the Atlantic.
To Think, I Did All That: Contribute to making the Sands Gala a night no one will ever forget.
Vulgate Mass: Survive Twelfth Night.
Weird That It Happened Twice: Survive two galas gone wrong.
Well Advised: Form a Council.
Written in Blood, Bound in Human Skin: Obtain the Devil's Signature. And the Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy.
Yes, Yes We Are: Recruit Phineas and Ferb.
And some new ones to strive for.
Old Ties: Make amends with Major Monogram, Roger, and Norm.
Reward: +5 Opinion with relevant heroes.
We're Moving in a Different Direction: Remove a Hero Unit with a Personal Action.
Reward: Gain 1 Funds.
Ad Astra Per Capitaleismus: Create a permanent space station.
Reward: Gain 1 rank in the Aerospace sector (max rank 5)
A "Pharmacist": Reach rank 3 in the "Pharmaceuticals" industry.
Reward: 2 Income, the ability to smirk to yourself whenever people tell you that.
Sixty-Five Million Years in the Making: Complete the Dinosaur tech tree.
Reward: All Geneticist hero units gain +5 Opinion. Doofrassic Park provides +1 extra Income.
Eisenhower's Nightmare: Repair your reputation enough to become Established in National Defense.
Reward: Improved government opinion.
Golden Lion: Break someone out of Impel Duck.
Reward: New hero unit.
Something Rotten in San Fransokyo: Discover the truth behind the Zaibatzu's odd behavior.
Reward: Wendy Wower gains +10 Loyalty.
The Terror That Flaps in the Day: Figure out Negaduck's plan before it occurs.
Reward: New action unlocked.
Nightshade: Find out what Solanaceae wanted with the LUMINES system.
Reward: Someone's Identity.
Yesterday's Dream: Find the Box.
Reward: Begin The Realist.
Take What You Can Get: Invade Drusselstein.
Reward: No.
Penalty: Risk of annexing Drusselstein.
Sic Semper Oligarchus: Intentionally take a King off the board.
Reward: Your King gains +2 in a stat of your choice.
Somebody's Watching Me: Roll a 1 or a 100 on your Random Event Roll.
Reward: Hints.
Catch a Falling Star: Find Star Butterfly.
Reward: Tom, Marco and Janna gain +10 Loyalty.
Amateur Sleuth: Establish all possible spy networks.
Reward: DI7 bonus increases by 1.
Spymaster: Have rank 2 infiltration in at least 5 factions at the same time.
Reward: Your King gains 2 Intrigue.
Corporate Overlord: Gain 50 Income per turn from your Industries.
Reward: Gain trait Rich As a Duck: +5 penalty to all corporate action DCs made by other factions in industries you are Established or better in.
Street Samurai: Get a hero unit with 35 or more Martial to 75 opinion.
Reward: Unit gains 3 Martial.
Brave New World: Activate the Other-Dimensionator for the first time.
Reward: Assigned hero unit with Learning over 20 gains +5 Loyalty.
Midsummer's Worst Nightmare: Meet the Dream Queen yourself.
Reward: Learn her identity.
King vs. Kat: Insist on getting revenge on Kat.
Reward: Is it?
Khagan: Eliminate Genghis Khan's maluses.
Reward: Temujin gains +1 to all stats.
Khanpletionist: Remove all of Ghenghis Khan's maluses and reach Maximum Khan.
Reward: Ghenghis Khan gains +10 Opinion.
Truly Incredible: Have a world class, A-Lister Super or Cape under your command.
Reward: Prestige.
D.E.I.Y.: Create a homegrown hero unit.
Reward: Unit gains +5 Loyalty.
Ducktrails: Find Donald Duck.
Reward: Donald Duck may become a Hero Unit. Permanent loyalty boost for Dennis.
An Empty House in Mouseton: Find out what happened to Mickey Mouse.
Reward: Some questions answered.
Chan's the Man: Obtain all Chan Talismans.
Reward: New card unlocked.
DoofQuest International: Break into an international market.
Reward: Gain 2 Income.
Midnight: Cause the collapse of the U.S. Government and the subsequent deaths of millions.
Reward: Immediate independence.
Thirty-Six: Get inducted into a secret society.
Reward: Learn of the splinter.
A Loooot of Counseling: Repair the Dickens' marriage.
Reward: The Dickens become a permanent Contractor.
Doof In the House: Flagrantly abuse legal loopholes to ???
Reward: Gain access to the ???.
Did He Want You to Do That?: Succeed on an Intrigue National Action opposed by Xanatos' Infiltration DC.
Reward: +1 to your King's Intrigue.
Impossible: Succeed on a Martial National Action opposed by Shego's Defense DC.
Reward: +1 to Doof Martial.
Hound of Orion: Fail to stop something.
Reward: It begins.
It's Going to Get Worse: Survive ???
Reward: ???
It Can't Happen Again!: Hold a gala.
Reward: Opinion boosts with various Kings.
Caffeine: Inaugurate SPLIT/SECOND.
Reward: Meet the best racers in the world. A certain RER completes automatically.
The Sprite and the Firewall: Uncover the purpose of LEGACY.
Reward: ???
Hello Neighbor: Meet all interdimensional factions.
Reward: ???
Like A Real Capitalist: Sic the Government on someone.
Reward: +1 Government Opinion.
Rogue States Have To Stick Together: Become friends with Thembria.
Reward: Access to cheap sinks and ???
The Good News: Uncover the truth of the cult in San Fransokyo
Reward: ???
Life of Alan: Have Alan Bradley 'achieve' three critical failures in total (1/3)
Reward: Alan gains a trait that reduces the chance of crit failure.
It's My World and You're All Living in it: Encounter ??? in the heart of Doofania.
Reward: ???
Everything Is Under Control: Give a normal person superpowers.
Reward: +1 spontaneously generated funds from the ether.
He's a Quack: Help humiliate Ludwig von Drake.
Reward: Ludivine gains +10 opinion.
A New Man: Complete the New Men Project OR resolve Janus Lee's issues.
Reward: ??? or ???
Empty Nest: Increase child count by 1.
Reward: Depends on the child.
Maybe There's a Lesson in All This: Halt 3 Critical Failures with Mr. Moesby.
Reward: Doofenshmirtz gains +1 Stewardship.
Self-Improvement: Complete all of Doof's training personal actions at least once.
Reward: +1 to Doof's lowest stat.
Democracy at its Finest: Successfully lobby for 3 national issues.
Reward: Unlock a new action to improve your Lobby.
And some you have missed the opportunity to complete:
No Gods, No Masters: Help Sinatron establish Free Vegas.
Falconer: Subvert or recruit Alonso Hawk.
It's the Future!: Become the first to make the flying car into a functional industry.
Excommunicato: Do not send anyone to the Twelfth Night and lead Horvath, Glasses, and Huntsmaster to victory over Demona. The Glooms would have been there too.
Stone by Day: Be the one to reveal gargoyles to the world.
No More Licorice: Be the one to rescue Della Duck from the Moon.
Turnkat: Discover Kat in your ranks and turn him to your side.
Word of Rod: Don't go in the elevator.
Zero: Break Hego beyond hope of repair, or get him killed.
Power of the Atom: Invent and exploit fusion power on the market.
Breadbasket: Dominate the food industry.
Keep Resisting: Leave Candace's Resistance alone long enough that it becomes an actual threat.
Some people have expressed a concern that they do not know what we want them to do. Well the answer is 'everything!' But that's not very helpful. So. We decided to make some Objectives!
Objectives are goals that you can work towards that represent significant achievements or ways you can move your plotlines forward. When you complete one, you'll get a small reward! And you'll be able to add it to your Achievements list!
Because it's fun, that's why.
You're not expected to get every achievement in the game. In fact, it should be quite impossible! But if you want some direction, well… pick a few you like.
Here's a list of a few objectives we've retroactively decided you've accomplished:
A New Face: Uncover Janus Lee's secret.
Androids Dream: Create sentient artificial life. On purpose.
Completely Justified Response: Burn down Mark Beaks' house.
Donut Steel: Recruit a DVV original character and make them important to the greater quest.
Don't Go In the Elevator: Go in the elevator.
Gone Straight: Reform a supervillain.
Greatest Creation (I have on hand right now): Obtain Experiment 625.
Hunter's Moon: See the formation of a new Huntsclan.
It's You: Take a step towards self-actualization.
Leaving the Nest: Let Vanessa go. To college.
Like a Ninja of Love: Help Tobe overcome his anime protagonist energy and find true romance.
Making You Proud: Get Vanessa into SFIT.
My Funny Friend and Me: Gain an Ally.
People Die When They Are Killed: Figure out what Kitsune meant.
Reward: +5 Kitsune Opinion.
Sixty-Eight Years: Help Wile E. Coyote fulfill his life's ambition.
Totally Original Idea: Transport Castle Doofhawk across the Atlantic.
To Think, I Did All That: Contribute to making the Sands Gala a night no one will ever forget.
Vulgate Mass: Survive Twelfth Night.
Weird That It Happened Twice: Survive two galas gone wrong.
Well Advised: Form a Council.
Written in Blood, Bound in Human Skin: Obtain the Devil's Signature. And the Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy.
Yes, Yes We Are: Recruit Phineas and Ferb.
And some new ones to strive for.
Old Ties: Make amends with Major Monogram, Roger, and Norm.
Reward: +5 Opinion with relevant heroes.
We're Moving in a Different Direction: Remove a Hero Unit with a Personal Action.
Reward: Gain 1 Funds.
Ad Astra Per Capitaleismus: Create a permanent space station.
Reward: Gain 1 rank in the Aerospace sector (max rank 5)
A "Pharmacist": Reach rank 3 in the "Pharmaceuticals" industry.
Reward: 2 Income, the ability to smirk to yourself whenever people tell you that.
Sixty-Five Million Years in the Making: Complete the Dinosaur tech tree.
Reward: All Geneticist hero units gain +5 Opinion. Doofrassic Park provides +1 extra Income.
Eisenhower's Nightmare: Repair your reputation enough to become Established in National Defense.
Reward: Improved government opinion.
Golden Lion: Break someone out of Impel Duck.
Reward: New hero unit.
Something Rotten in San Fransokyo: Discover the truth behind the Zaibatzu's odd behavior.
Reward: Wendy Wower gains +10 Loyalty.
The Terror That Flaps in the Day: Figure out Negaduck's plan before it occurs.
Reward: New action unlocked.
Nightshade: Find out what Solanaceae wanted with the LUMINES system.
Reward: Someone's Identity.
Yesterday's Dream: Find the Box.
Reward: Begin The Realist.
Take What You Can Get: Invade Drusselstein.
Reward: No.
Penalty: Risk of annexing Drusselstein.
Sic Semper Oligarchus: Intentionally take a King off the board.
Reward: Your King gains +2 in a stat of your choice.
Somebody's Watching Me: Roll a 1 or a 100 on your Random Event Roll.
Reward: Hints.
Catch a Falling Star: Find Star Butterfly.
Reward: Tom, Marco and Janna gain +10 Loyalty.
Amateur Sleuth: Establish all possible spy networks.
Reward: DI7 bonus increases by 1.
Spymaster: Have rank 2 infiltration in at least 5 factions at the same time.
Reward: Your King gains 2 Intrigue.
Corporate Overlord: Gain 50 Income per turn from your Industries.
Reward: Gain trait Rich As a Duck: +5 penalty to all corporate action DCs made by other factions in industries you are Established or better in.
Street Samurai: Get a hero unit with 35 or more Martial to 75 opinion.
Reward: Unit gains 3 Martial.
Brave New World: Activate the Other-Dimensionator for the first time.
Reward: Assigned hero unit with Learning over 20 gains +5 Loyalty.
Midsummer's Worst Nightmare: Meet the Dream Queen yourself.
Reward: Learn her identity.
King vs. Kat: Insist on getting revenge on Kat.
Reward: Is it?
Khagan: Eliminate Genghis Khan's maluses.
Reward: Temujin gains +1 to all stats.
Khanpletionist: Remove all of Ghenghis Khan's maluses and reach Maximum Khan.
Reward: Ghenghis Khan gains +10 Opinion.
Truly Incredible: Have a world class, A-Lister Super or Cape under your command.
Reward: Prestige.
D.E.I.Y.: Create a homegrown hero unit.
Reward: Unit gains +5 Loyalty.
Ducktrails: Find Donald Duck.
Reward: Donald Duck may become a Hero Unit. Permanent loyalty boost for Dennis.
An Empty House in Mouseton: Find out what happened to Mickey Mouse.
Reward: Some questions answered.
Chan's the Man: Obtain all Chan Talismans.
Reward: New card unlocked.
DoofQuest International: Break into an international market.
Reward: Gain 2 Income.
Midnight: Cause the collapse of the U.S. Government and the subsequent deaths of millions.
Reward: Immediate independence.
Thirty-Six: Get inducted into a secret society.
Reward: Learn of the splinter.
A Loooot of Counseling: Repair the Dickens' marriage.
Reward: The Dickens become a permanent Contractor.
Doof In the House: Flagrantly abuse legal loopholes to ???
Reward: Gain access to the ???.
Did He Want You to Do That?: Succeed on an Intrigue National Action opposed by Xanatos' Infiltration DC.
Reward: +1 to your King's Intrigue.
Impossible: Succeed on a Martial National Action opposed by Shego's Defense DC.
Reward: +1 to Doof Martial.
Hound of Orion: Fail to stop something.
Reward: It begins.
It's Going to Get Worse: Survive ???
Reward: ???
It Can't Happen Again!: Hold a gala.
Reward: Opinion boosts with various Kings.
Caffeine: Inaugurate SPLIT/SECOND.
Reward: Meet the best racers in the world. A certain RER completes automatically.
The Sprite and the Firewall: Uncover the purpose of LEGACY.
Reward: ???
Hello Neighbor: Meet all interdimensional factions.
Reward: ???
Like A Real Capitalist: Sic the Government on someone.
Reward: +1 Government Opinion.
Rogue States Have To Stick Together: Become friends with Thembria.
Reward: Access to cheap sinks and ???
The Good News: Uncover the truth of the cult in San Fransokyo
Reward: ???
Life of Alan: Have Alan Bradley 'achieve' three critical failures in total (1/3)
Reward: Alan gains a trait that reduces the chance of crit failure.
It's My World and You're All Living in it: Encounter ??? in the heart of Doofania.
Reward: ???
Everything Is Under Control: Give a normal person superpowers.
Reward: +1 spontaneously generated funds from the ether.
He's a Quack: Help humiliate Ludwig von Drake.
Reward: Ludivine gains +10 opinion.
A New Man: Complete the New Men Project OR resolve Janus Lee's issues.
Reward: ??? or ???
Empty Nest: Increase child count by 1.
Reward: Depends on the child.
Maybe There's a Lesson in All This: Halt 3 Critical Failures with Mr. Moesby.
Reward: Doofenshmirtz gains +1 Stewardship.
Self-Improvement: Complete all of Doof's training personal actions at least once.
Reward: +1 to Doof's lowest stat.
Democracy at its Finest: Successfully lobby for 3 national issues.
Reward: Unlock a new action to improve your Lobby.
And some you have missed the opportunity to complete:
No Gods, No Masters: Help Sinatron establish Free Vegas.
Falconer: Subvert or recruit Alonso Hawk.
It's the Future!: Become the first to make the flying car into a functional industry.
Excommunicato: Do not send anyone to the Twelfth Night and lead Horvath, Glasses, and Huntsmaster to victory over Demona. The Glooms would have been there too.
Stone by Day: Be the one to reveal gargoyles to the world.
No More Licorice: Be the one to rescue Della Duck from the Moon.
Turnkat: Discover Kat in your ranks and turn him to your side.
Word of Rod: Don't go in the elevator.
Zero: Break Hego beyond hope of repair, or get him killed.
Power of the Atom: Invent and exploit fusion power on the market.
Breadbasket: Dominate the food industry.
Keep Resisting: Leave Candace's Resistance alone long enough that it becomes an actual threat.
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Congrats Alan, your luck is so horrific it's memorialized forever.
- Pronouns
- He/They
Okay, very important to keep in mind: just because something is an achievement doesn't mean we should actually try to do it.
(This is at least partly a self-callout.)
(This is at least partly a self-callout.)
- Location
- USA
Did we get any bonuses for the retroactive achievements or is that a only going forward thing?
The Froggy Ninja
The Blade Will Never Die
This is, frankly a major priority. We need Wendy to not get murdered and reality to not tear apart at the seams.
The dudes crazy as duck. Maybe when Russ gets back so he can learn more about evil Toons.
I'll be honest, I don't even remember what this one was about.
Spoopy.
Yeah, immediate veto. The only thing maybe worth it are the donkelberries.
Is this before, or after maintenance costs?
Russ's hero quest. Also a hadean entity of unknown power. If even potentially possible to talk down (which would fit with Russ's character themes as a failure to do that) might be worth it just to have the oneiric chops to even comprehend Bill.
I take it Norm doesn't count? Probably expanding on the Spark research with COFFEE JAVA.
We're already committed and the potential to at least contract the Duck Family Hero Ball would be neat.
Huh. I wasn't even aware this was a mystery.
Probably important to get around to.
Man, there are so many conspiracies going on, I don't even know what's up.
Become president. All sorts of weird shit that opens up.
Huh. The only even semi-modern Disney show involving a character named Orion is Sofia the First, and I don't think that's it. Otherwise it could be a reference to Star Trek or Canis Major somehow.
Ominous.
Truly we must. T-pose to assert dominance.
Important to figure this shit out. Figure out what's up with Alan and ENCOM and all that shit.
Wasn't this the monster cult, or was it something else?
Milo. Well, we've got some experience with probability ions thanks to the Stinkelkrampen-inator.
Petty spite? Count me in.
Adopt. Freakin, Norm and COFFEE JAVA, Drossel maybe, probably some other, non-robot kids running around I'm not thinking of.
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Lifeandlice
Practitioning side-character
- Location
- Usa
Assuming that's getting Doof into presidency that's...tricky. have to be a natural born citizen for President or Vice President last I remember.
Only possible loophole I can think of is somehow getting the constitution reapplied but I have no idea how that'd work.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
The two options are either getting Drusselstein annexed by the U.S. or maybe something to do with our Ocelot parents being from the U.S.?
Iirc the constitution is currently missing. Let's say we find it.... Who would notice a couple of tiny edits, right?
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Nah, the Declaration of Independence is missing.
I'm going to be completely and totally honest. I see that list as a list of challenges no matter how awful some of them are. I see the list of achievements we didn't get as failures.(jkjk)
That means we have to make Doof president, conquer Dreseltania, use the government to chase down cat, get impeached/resign but leave a giant mess so the government scrambles to correct and is distracted, let the US annexation of dresseltania lead to the eventual downfall of the us goverment and the deaths of millions. In the chaos invade shego to complete our iron control over the Tri-State area (and prepare a gift to earn forgiveness). Do something sneaky in Xanatos territory. Kill judge doom, brave the heart of dresseltania to have a heart to heart with ???. Investigate several cults create all the dinosaurs and inevitably reenact Jurassic park when they escape, adopt all are AI children including(officially) Norm. Build an outpost using the other dimensionator for so we can flee when everything goes to shit. Be a qualified mad scientist and build a second back up base in space just in case.
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The Froggy Ninja
The Blade Will Never Die
It's probably a bullshit weird Disney loophole like beating the president at chess or something. I'm pretty sure Cory Taihen itself only had the "shooting star wish AU" for presidential shifts but I'd have to dig through the sub transcripts to be sure.
- Location
- Australia
There isn't a monster cult. There is a Bill Cipher cult running soup kitchens in San Fransokyo. There are also monstrous mutants being released by Sycorax I think. The two things are unrelated as far as we know.
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- Location
- Washington
So just an idea after watching that Chip n Dale movie. For the setting of Gridlocked, it would be easy to incorporate Sweet Pete (aka adult Peter Pan) as being a villain in Doomtown. Given that toons under Doom's rule are essentially forced out of work and are discriminated against, it would be possible to have Sweet Pete as the head of a sort of Toon Mafia who recruits these disenfranchised toons, with the obvious big crimes his gang commits being to kidnap toons and forcing them to make bootlegs like in the movie. Given Doom's discrimination of toons, there could toon kidnappings by the dozens going unnoticed because of Doom's policies. Doom isn't dumb either, I could see him possibly allowing this sort of thing to happen so he has a ready made scapegoat he can point to so he can blame toons for crimes.
Just an idea.
Just an idea.
- Location
- Australia
Probably easier for Doof to "discover" they are actually a natural born citizen under Jus Soli or something. Maybe get a Hawaiian birth certificate.