BagFullOfLizards
Some bag, mostly lizards
- Location
- A bag
I love how much Janus seems to personally resent the functions of the human body. Though to be fair, mitochondria definitely know what they did.
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
To be fair to Janus I also resent the functions of the human body. If Janus gave me better joins and a better designed bipedal form I don't think I'd be mad.
Yeah, as funny as it is, it's part of what CONCERNS me about the New Man Project. That orange text ain't there for no reason, Janus is a misanthrope, his transhumanist leanings are clearly motivated in part by a resentment of his fellow man that makes him come across as, to be honest, mildly sociopathic. I do want to put some effort into having him work through his own issues BEFORE we work up to that big New Man Project action, otherwise, things could get...Problematic, I get the sense. Perhaps chatting with him on the same turn he chats with his coworkers could produce a synergy similar to what happened with Kitsune? Hm.
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- Location
- Pennsylvania
Yes it is only Janus who personally resents the functions of the human body.
Only Janus.
- Location
- Italian City
- Pronouns
- He/They/Name
Mirage, perplexed: "...Janus, why have you turned into a lizard?"
Janus, currently on the ceiling: "FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY!...And science, too."
I wonder what the forum equiv of the Rat rant will be.
And that's how Doctor Doofenshmirtz ended up fighting Spiderman in the sewers of New York.
"Wait wait, stop hitting me, I'm still really confused about the chain of events that led here!?!"
"Your company turned my wife into an iguana! And a lot of other people!"
"OK, while that certainly sounds like something I might have done, I don't remember actually doing oooooohhhh so THATS what Janus' proposal was about. Prrrrooooobably shouldn't have authorized that one."
- Location
- Washington
Twice in one week I get mileage out of this image because it never stops being relevant:
Twice in one week I get mileage out of this image because it never stops being relevant:
And here I always am thinking "Just do both! Really fuck with the public perception of you! Come on, it'll be hilarious!"
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Even better, start mixing up the mannerisms too.
Start monologing about your evil plan to fund orphanages with the money from curing cancer, and off-handedly mention turning more people into dinosaurs as if it barely matters.
- Location
- Washington
Superhero: "So I'm there trying to stop his evil plan, and guess what? He starts monologing! But it's weird. It's not the standard 'Hahaha! Once I get my doomsday device up and running I'll sell our children's meat to zoos' sort of monolog, he instead goes on about how he'll fund orphanages with the money he raised from curing cancer. It was such a weird twist on an old classic I almost didn't catch the casual mention of turning people into dinosaurs."
Listen, look at the Geneticist in Gridlocked.
Karmi, the sanest of the bunch who writes Real Person Fanfic and names her experimental viruses (So just normal scientist insanity)
Jumba Jookimba, who makes bioweapons for fun.
Janus Lee, who is a Misanthrope who wants to completely rewrite the human Genome
Liv Amara, who tried to create immortality by injecting herself with expirimental nanites
Di Amara, who is basically Liv but with actually no morals beyond saving Liv's life.
Anton Sevarious, who basically doesn't blow up times square with a genetic abomination because Xanatos won't let him
DNAmy, who is painfully horny!
I imagine this is part of the motive for letting Liv in on the New Man Project. With the combined forces of three of the setting's greatest geneticists, we could accomplish a lot...Let's, uh, wait until we know more about her boss though. Unrelated note, next turn, i'm actually thinking of collabing with Olympia again, keep that relationship going, especially since they're out of the Negaduck splash zone. Perhaps Golden Oldies? We'll see.
Omegahugger
Inattentive Idiot
DNAmy doesn't deserve this slander, she only genetically altered two of her love interests.
Also, I didn't notice, but where's our Vegas network?
Quest: Magic Missile's Red Glare- The World Turned Upside Down
- Location
- Pennsylvania
[X] Attempt to distract Abigail
[X] Offer to move them to a better dumpster with more pizza. The rats will be unleashed upon the Danville Underworld. You are capable of making sure they don't bother any of your citizens too much. Except Candace.
Monogram watched as the witch girl started to leave and quickly ran the numbers in his head. On one hand, this could be the advantage they needed! One less wizard on the field meant one less wizard for Balthazar to deal with. On the other… he was taking a risk, there was no denying it. Sure, he wouldn't ask his agents to try and beat her up like they would a mad scientist- that was just asking for trouble, but an evil little witch girl sure seemed like the kind who wouldn't mind punting puppies. After considering it for another half a minute he spoke up in a hushed whisper.
"Alright, Agent C! See if you can distract the witch with some of your best tricks, but be careful! If things look dicey, don't fight, just run!" Agent R probably wouldn't be suited for this job at all, Monogram remembered that not everyone found raccoons as cute and cuddly as he did. Crouching into the mirror world bushes, he got a vantage point out of a discarded broken bottle and hoped for the best.
The witch girl did not expect a cat to just run up to her out of nowhere, but first impressions seemed to be good! The girl's face lit up in delight as Agent C rubbed up against her legs and rolled over on the ground in front of her, lowering a hand down to offer a hesitant scratch behind the ears.
Monogram Intrigue Check: Distract the Witch
DC 85
59+23=82
Bare Failure
Monogram let out a sigh of relief as things seemed to be working. The witch girl had become actively interested in the suddenly very friendly cat, and was actually sitting down on the curb to pet him. Far from showing signs of hostility, she had proceeded to relax for the time being, taking Agent C up on his offer to cuddle. As one minute stretched into another, Monogram let out a breath, and actually started to hope this could work out as intended.
…darn it. The Muppets warned him against thinking things like that.
The witch girl gently lifted Agent C off her lap and set him down on the curb, her expression turning again to one of resignation before standing up and firmly continuing down the street. Agent C's next three attempts to distract her or hop up on her legs were summarily ignored, and Monogram saw that he had decided to play it safe and call it quits. Briefly he considered trailing her further, and realized he was already pushing his luck- not to mention making it that much harder to get back to Balthazar in a timely fashion. Oh well. Sometimes missions were unsuccessful.
===
You are Agent Russ, and you are always one to turn setbacks into opportunity.
Your captor considers you caged, neutralized, out of contact with your allies, and afraid of torture. One of those things is true, but their belief in the rest may do interesting things to how they choose to interrogate you.
Time to roll the dice again, and see who your opponent is this round.
"Good evening." The Redcoat steps into the confessional almost casually, slipping inside the bubble of magic keeping you from freedom with only the slightest click to his boots. In his hand is a small tin tray, upon which rests a teapot and…of course.
"Care for a biscuit?"
Your thoughts consider the idea of jumping him. With the Muppets in fighting shape, the talisman in your pocket, and less allies on the outside, you might have done it. As it is, however, you see no reason not to accept.
"I hope you'll forgive me if I don't partake." you say, taking a biscuit out of politeness. "I left my ability to detect mentally compulsive magic in my other slacks."
"Oh good, more for me." The Redcoat takes a seat cross-legged on the confessional floor, setting the tray down on the chair between you. Grabbing one of the biscuits in a begloved hand, he takes a bite cheerily, only for his expression to cramp a bit.
"I keep forgetting how sweet they make these things now." He says, even as he scurries four cubes of sugar into his cup. "More of a coffee man, yourself?"
"I'll make do." You reply, leaning against the wall in deference to how he seems to want to play it. "You should try the ones with dark chocolate."
"I'll keep that in mind." He replies. "I'm sure you've noticed that my colleagues and I have taken the liberty of relieving you of your armaments. I'm also sure you need no explanation as to why. We'll see about returning them if you cooperate. Even the talisman."
"Blackbeard's" Ghost bursts into the scene, floating through the wall clearly incensed. "Oh c'mon ye lobsterback!"
"Limey." The Redcoat interjects.
"Ye have the chance fer more sugar, and yer not takin' it?!"
"If you think I'll only be having one cup of tea tonight, you really have gone daft. Or perhaps your memory is going, from all that time sitting beneath a diner."
Your eyes narrow behind your sunglasses. This is becoming increasingly absurd. Is this, somehow, the goal?
"'Twas a hotel!" Blackbeard bellows.
"Twas a dump." The Redcoat rejoins without missing a beat.
"...Aye." Blackbeard concurs after a moment. He picks up a handful of sugar cubes and pops them into his spectral mouth one at a time like grapes.
"I appreciate your concession to my entertainment while captive." You note sardonically.
The Redcoat's chuckle lilts into a sigh. "Unfortunately, it seems you're the only one. Master Horvath has sent me with his regards, and his-"
"Terms of Surrender!" Blackbeard hollers.
"-Ultimatum, yes." The most British man you've ever seen clears his throat. "If you are willing to surrender your memories of the last three hours, and our dear friend Blake's location, we'll leave you and yours unharmed."
"Mhm." You sniff at the cookie experimentally. Smells like cookie. "And ah, out of curiosity. What assurance would I have you wouldn't run off with whatever else rattles around in my skull?"
"Well, I do actually know an oath binding spell or two. Picked up a few things from a hag in Boston back before the whole 'Tea Party' business." He sniffs a little at the thought. "But in all honesty, the best you would have is our word for it. I'll swear it on the Ki- Queen's name, if that helps."
You pinch the bridge of your nose. And just like that, you can't ignore it anymore.
"You cannot actually expect me to believe," you say with the voice of a man objecting more because he must do so than because he believes it, "that that is actually Blackbeard the Pirate, a ghost, and you are an actual redcoat from the Revolutionary War." Not a ghost.
"Yes, well I can hardly believe I've met the spitting image of Captain Smollet three hundred years hence, but here we are."
"Hmm?" Kermit hums as he feels a gaze upon him.
"Two hundred and seventy, but who's counting?" Rizzo says, inexplicably.
"Don't draw attention to it." Gonzo mutters.
"If any records survived to corroborate, of course. Balthazar no doubt took the liberty of erasing my marks on history. But yes, Sergeant Nathaniel Chaucer, Jack's Rangers, in the flesh."
"And Blackbeard." He adds, before the erstwhile spirit can bellow his own declaration.
You're speechless. Genuinely, even as a part of you recognizes it as a useful tactic. You try to find something as absurdly unlikely as a wizard scout from the Revolutionary War- and Blackbeard- and to your consternation find you cannot.
He allows you a moment to digest this information. Gently, he raises his cup to his lips and takes a sip. Blackbeard stares, and takes a biscuit.
"I served on the Forbes Expedition. Alongside the Virginia Regiment, if you recognize that." He offers, and you can see, though buried beneath that veneer of British politeness and military bearing, a glimmer of sad curiosity as to whether you'll recognize it.
Your brow furrows. "Wait. In the… Seven Years War? That would have been…"
Your eyes widen. "You served under Washington?!"
You clamp down on the exclamation before it can express everything it wants to. A mere exclamation of disbelief for a Founding Father, not your expression of disbelief. Your relationship to the Founding Fathers may enter your vocabulary… most often when minors are present, but you legitimately look up to the men they were. Or the men they wanted to be, at least. That's something he could use.
If the Redcoat saw any of your shock, he gives no indication. By the tightening of his lips, he might have some thoughts of his own. He opens his mouth, and for a brief, harrowing second, you fear you are about to hear something truly blasphemous come from the Redcoat's mouth.
"Yes." He pauses. "He was a brilliant man. Passionate. Charismatic. Capable."
The Redcoat puts the teacup down, his next words painfully, quietly bitter. "He didn't have to betray us."
You put the cookie down.
Are you going to do this?
Of course you are.
"We asked nicely, you know."
The tone is calm. Measured.
The Redcoat trembles, before stiffly waving away whatever response he was going to make. "I'm not going to waste time relitigating history you won."
What in George's name… which one?
Damn it, what is happening?
"Are you sure?" you ask. "It's something of a novel experience for me."
You decide to push, for several reasons. First, this seems the most usable piece of information you've gleaned so far. Second, every second you can stall for time is most likely valuable. And third.
You haven't decided if you are furious yet.
Russ Intrigue Check: Revolutionary War Pt 3
57% CoS 95+ 5-
55+38+9(Muppets)+5(Secret Keeper)+5(Touched a Nerve)=112
Redcoat Opposed
43% CoS 95+ 5-
87+19+26(Maxim Horvath)+5(Touched a Nerve)=137
Failure
You hear the thump of a cane just outside of the door. "Ahem."
Maxim Horvath leans into the room, casting a brief but disparaging eye over the Redcoat's position on the floor. "I'll be taking my tea back, now."
The platter levitates away, giving 'Chaucer' just enough time to snatch his cup off of the platter. Hmm. Good reflexes.
"Geez. Your boss seems like a real jerk." Rizzo notes after Horvath leaves.
"I've had better." The Redcoat admits, adjusting his collar. "Regardless, neither you nor I have all the time in the world. I do need an answer to the original inquiry. Will you accept the chance to walk away unscathed, or would you prefer to take your chances with Master Horvath's 'enhanced persuasion' techniques?"
You notice that he hasn't stood up yet.
"I may be familiar." You reply, carefully shifting the conversation along a fulcrum. "Your word, I might be willing to consider. His word is… better known."
An educated guess.
"Yes, well." The Redcoat vacillates halfheartedly. "He's willing to hold bargains that don't get in his way."
He pauses, considering his next words carefully. "His ire, on the other hand, is something he'll happily take beyond the grave. The man is a genuine wight, you know. Quite immortal. Taught by Merlin himself, if you follow the legends."
He looks you up and down, and the gesture grounds his absurdity that little bit more. You've seen the look in military men before. Soldiers trying to gauge the risk and reward of scaring off or, worse, listening to the government spook poking into their turf.
"You seem a man of backbone. He'll peel you apart if you try to obstruct him. His abilities are quite innumerable, capable of things that might seem impossible to you, or even I. Even if he is not the most powerful sorcerer in the world, he is certainly the most…driven."
The Redcoat looks you in the eyes, but can't quite seem to peer past your sunglasses. "Does that scare you at all?"
Russ Intrigue Check: Windows To The Soul
DC 75
78% CoS 93+ 2-
34+38+9(Muppets)+5(Secret Keeper)=86
Success
If you hold still enough, a man's words become a mirror. They reflect themselves.
For a multitude of reasons, one of which may be holding a plasma bolt in the next room, you can't be obvious about this.
That's fine. It gives you an excuse to indulge.
"I'll ask Nathan Hale. You might have known him."
The Redcoat leans back, frowning. "I have not. Blackbeard, have you heard of this man?"
"Nay!" Blackbeard exclaims, and then he raises a hand as if he remembers something. His mouth opens, then closes again. "Nay. Sounds a rather common sort of name."
You turn your gaze to Blackbeard and switch topics faster than Chaucer can discern their relation. "You know, for such a loyal soldier, I'm surprised to find you working with such an infamous outlaw. Certainly you can't claim anything we did was a greater betrayal than that. The man was from Bristol."
The ghost draws himself up to his noncorporeal height faster than your target can respond. "Why I take umbrage sir! I was a loyal servant of the British Crown until the bitter end!"
The ghost waggles a hand. "I may have… skimmed a bit off the top of the King's own proceeds, ehh in my own way, but who among us hasn't?"
"I think the fleet that sank you might have disagreed." You respond, privately wondering if the dreaded pirate Blackbeard was always this buffoonish, or if it has something to do with becoming a ghost. Best not to ask.
"Why I-"
The pirate is cut off before he can continue.
"More pertinently, three-odd centuries of house arrest is more than long enough to serve his sentence, ad-hoc or not." The Redcoat doesn't mutter, but it's a close thing. You can see gears (or possibly matchlock) working away, sensing an angle it can't quite grasp.
"And what of you?" He's pushing the table around, trying to cut off the line before you can run away with it. "Can you say that your, what do you call them now, agency is a clean one?"
You are very thankful you seem to be better at this game than he is. And, perhaps, that Horvath cannot or will not oversee every second of this interrogation. Your face betrays nothing as you reply: "I suppose it depends on what you really owe loyalty to, in the end."
"My loyalty is to the Crown." He says, firmly. "Master Horvath represents the best path to return to that service, and thus my loyalty stands with him for the foreseeable future."
"He the sort of man who accepts multiple masters?" You ask, more than willing to make an offhand attempt at driving a wedge even if the question goes nowhere.
"The first master of every Morganian is himself." The Redcoat does not quite harumph.
"At the expense of others?" You push. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but Morganians have a… reputation. And I feel pretty expensed."
"Life happens at the expense of others. Externalities, I believe, is what the matter is called nowadays. If a Merlinian sees a man beaten on the street, and he will not raise his wand to save him, he is not the one to pay the cost for his principles." The Redcoat pauses, examining your expression. He chuckles. "I suppose I should hardly expect you to be familiar with the fine details of our little political squabble. The point remains that what we are doing next…"
He trails off, contemplating something, before sighing. "What we are working towards is good, I believe. It will give us the power to make the world a better place, far beyond the scope of any personal actualization balderdash. Change, tangible and not so easily thrown aside by the weight of convenience."
His smile grows a little crooked. "I suppose you would know something about that, eh American?"
You may never have joined debate club, but you know an opening when you see one. "You might not be aware. 'Externalities' were coined as failures of a system. Things happening because those in charge couldn't see over their own plan. To be avoided."
"A state I have been trying to reach," The Redcoat agrees. "I have compromised as I need to. Unfortunately, reality is not built to suit our whims, and we must play the hands we are dealt. I have my own obligations, and do not have the luxury of getting every outcome because I desire it so. Sacrifices thus become an unfortunate necessity."
Perhaps the most concerning thing you have heard so far. If not exactly surprising. You give the man a fixed look. "Assuming you're right. The world turns upside down more often than you'd think."
"It would certainly make a nice change of pace."
You consider trying to drag this conversation on for longer, but there's only so much you can do to keep this conversation's wheels spinning. With help still potentially hours away, you can't actually keep the man distracted until the cavalry arrives. A moment passes. Then two.
"Well, if you have nothing left to say, I see no reason to bother you further."
He stands slowly, carefully brushing the dust from his coat. The teacup floats up to follow him, and he gives Blackbeard a slight nod at the favor, plucking the little porcelain vessel out of the air. "In time, Master Horvath will see you at his convenience."
You nod. With one final, inscrutable look, he turns to go, stepping through the barrier, and out of the confessional. As he leaves you hear Blackbeard turning to him. It's hard not to.
"Are you going to ask the magic box about that Hale gentleman?" It's the closest thing to a whisper you've heard out of the ghost.
Well that was… interesting.
You hope Horvath won't be so full of surprises.
===
It's later that evening, past sunset by your count, though given the lack of windows in the confessional your internal clock could be a lot less accurate than the one they took from you.
You hear a sound. The slightest scraping in the darkness, that immediately brings you back to focus. In the dark, something small slides under the confessional's curtain, the barrier doing nothing to stop the intrusion. Silently you rise to your feet, slipping towards the doorway and sliding out a hand. Stone. Thick. Carved.
You raise the talisman up to your face.
Time to think about options.
===
Agent Russ is ready for his big gambit. When his allies arrive, he'll be ready to do his part. What is it going to be?
[ ] Defenestration is Always In: When the chaos starts, Russ will use the Ji talisman to hurl one of Horvath's underlings through a window. This has a high chance of removing the target from combat for a round, but won't accomplish much unless your allies can make use of that breathing room. It will also destroy an extra stained glass window.
[ ] Key Check: With Monogram's help, Russ will use the Ji Talisman to activate his keyfob and bring his Spycycle to the fight as soon as possible. Its autonomous arrival will be loud and distracting if timed to the moment his team arrives, and is subtle enough it will almost certainly work. It will also let you use the Spycycle bonus immediately, assuming your allies get you out of your cage. However, this will have less effect than fully removing a target and, in the event of a critical failure, would reveal your Ji Talisman to the enemy too soon.
[ ] Mind Games: When the team is in place, Russ will attempt to goad Horvath himself into simply taking the information he needs from Russ' mind. Will require an opposed Intrigue check. On a success, Russ will be able to lock down Horvath's personal attention for a round using his own surprise mental combat skills, possibly even two rounds if things go well. The effectiveness of removing Horvath from the board early can't be overstated. However, there is also a moderate chance Russ could sustain temporary psychic injury just trying to hold down an Archmage.
There is a twenty-four hour moratorium on voting.
[X] Offer to move them to a better dumpster with more pizza. The rats will be unleashed upon the Danville Underworld. You are capable of making sure they don't bother any of your citizens too much. Except Candace.
Monogram watched as the witch girl started to leave and quickly ran the numbers in his head. On one hand, this could be the advantage they needed! One less wizard on the field meant one less wizard for Balthazar to deal with. On the other… he was taking a risk, there was no denying it. Sure, he wouldn't ask his agents to try and beat her up like they would a mad scientist- that was just asking for trouble, but an evil little witch girl sure seemed like the kind who wouldn't mind punting puppies. After considering it for another half a minute he spoke up in a hushed whisper.
"Alright, Agent C! See if you can distract the witch with some of your best tricks, but be careful! If things look dicey, don't fight, just run!" Agent R probably wouldn't be suited for this job at all, Monogram remembered that not everyone found raccoons as cute and cuddly as he did. Crouching into the mirror world bushes, he got a vantage point out of a discarded broken bottle and hoped for the best.
The witch girl did not expect a cat to just run up to her out of nowhere, but first impressions seemed to be good! The girl's face lit up in delight as Agent C rubbed up against her legs and rolled over on the ground in front of her, lowering a hand down to offer a hesitant scratch behind the ears.
Monogram Intrigue Check: Distract the Witch
DC 85
59+23=82
Bare Failure
Monogram let out a sigh of relief as things seemed to be working. The witch girl had become actively interested in the suddenly very friendly cat, and was actually sitting down on the curb to pet him. Far from showing signs of hostility, she had proceeded to relax for the time being, taking Agent C up on his offer to cuddle. As one minute stretched into another, Monogram let out a breath, and actually started to hope this could work out as intended.
…darn it. The Muppets warned him against thinking things like that.
The witch girl gently lifted Agent C off her lap and set him down on the curb, her expression turning again to one of resignation before standing up and firmly continuing down the street. Agent C's next three attempts to distract her or hop up on her legs were summarily ignored, and Monogram saw that he had decided to play it safe and call it quits. Briefly he considered trailing her further, and realized he was already pushing his luck- not to mention making it that much harder to get back to Balthazar in a timely fashion. Oh well. Sometimes missions were unsuccessful.
===
You are Agent Russ, and you are always one to turn setbacks into opportunity.
Your captor considers you caged, neutralized, out of contact with your allies, and afraid of torture. One of those things is true, but their belief in the rest may do interesting things to how they choose to interrogate you.
Time to roll the dice again, and see who your opponent is this round.
"Good evening." The Redcoat steps into the confessional almost casually, slipping inside the bubble of magic keeping you from freedom with only the slightest click to his boots. In his hand is a small tin tray, upon which rests a teapot and…of course.
"Care for a biscuit?"
Your thoughts consider the idea of jumping him. With the Muppets in fighting shape, the talisman in your pocket, and less allies on the outside, you might have done it. As it is, however, you see no reason not to accept.
"I hope you'll forgive me if I don't partake." you say, taking a biscuit out of politeness. "I left my ability to detect mentally compulsive magic in my other slacks."
"Oh good, more for me." The Redcoat takes a seat cross-legged on the confessional floor, setting the tray down on the chair between you. Grabbing one of the biscuits in a begloved hand, he takes a bite cheerily, only for his expression to cramp a bit.
"I keep forgetting how sweet they make these things now." He says, even as he scurries four cubes of sugar into his cup. "More of a coffee man, yourself?"
"I'll make do." You reply, leaning against the wall in deference to how he seems to want to play it. "You should try the ones with dark chocolate."
"I'll keep that in mind." He replies. "I'm sure you've noticed that my colleagues and I have taken the liberty of relieving you of your armaments. I'm also sure you need no explanation as to why. We'll see about returning them if you cooperate. Even the talisman."
"Blackbeard's" Ghost bursts into the scene, floating through the wall clearly incensed. "Oh c'mon ye lobsterback!"
"Limey." The Redcoat interjects.
"Ye have the chance fer more sugar, and yer not takin' it?!"
"If you think I'll only be having one cup of tea tonight, you really have gone daft. Or perhaps your memory is going, from all that time sitting beneath a diner."
Your eyes narrow behind your sunglasses. This is becoming increasingly absurd. Is this, somehow, the goal?
"'Twas a hotel!" Blackbeard bellows.
"Twas a dump." The Redcoat rejoins without missing a beat.
"...Aye." Blackbeard concurs after a moment. He picks up a handful of sugar cubes and pops them into his spectral mouth one at a time like grapes.
"I appreciate your concession to my entertainment while captive." You note sardonically.
The Redcoat's chuckle lilts into a sigh. "Unfortunately, it seems you're the only one. Master Horvath has sent me with his regards, and his-"
"Terms of Surrender!" Blackbeard hollers.
"-Ultimatum, yes." The most British man you've ever seen clears his throat. "If you are willing to surrender your memories of the last three hours, and our dear friend Blake's location, we'll leave you and yours unharmed."
"Mhm." You sniff at the cookie experimentally. Smells like cookie. "And ah, out of curiosity. What assurance would I have you wouldn't run off with whatever else rattles around in my skull?"
"Well, I do actually know an oath binding spell or two. Picked up a few things from a hag in Boston back before the whole 'Tea Party' business." He sniffs a little at the thought. "But in all honesty, the best you would have is our word for it. I'll swear it on the Ki- Queen's name, if that helps."
You pinch the bridge of your nose. And just like that, you can't ignore it anymore.
"You cannot actually expect me to believe," you say with the voice of a man objecting more because he must do so than because he believes it, "that that is actually Blackbeard the Pirate, a ghost, and you are an actual redcoat from the Revolutionary War." Not a ghost.
"Yes, well I can hardly believe I've met the spitting image of Captain Smollet three hundred years hence, but here we are."
"Hmm?" Kermit hums as he feels a gaze upon him.
"Two hundred and seventy, but who's counting?" Rizzo says, inexplicably.
"Don't draw attention to it." Gonzo mutters.
"If any records survived to corroborate, of course. Balthazar no doubt took the liberty of erasing my marks on history. But yes, Sergeant Nathaniel Chaucer, Jack's Rangers, in the flesh."
"And Blackbeard." He adds, before the erstwhile spirit can bellow his own declaration.
You're speechless. Genuinely, even as a part of you recognizes it as a useful tactic. You try to find something as absurdly unlikely as a wizard scout from the Revolutionary War- and Blackbeard- and to your consternation find you cannot.
He allows you a moment to digest this information. Gently, he raises his cup to his lips and takes a sip. Blackbeard stares, and takes a biscuit.
"I served on the Forbes Expedition. Alongside the Virginia Regiment, if you recognize that." He offers, and you can see, though buried beneath that veneer of British politeness and military bearing, a glimmer of sad curiosity as to whether you'll recognize it.
Your brow furrows. "Wait. In the… Seven Years War? That would have been…"
Your eyes widen. "You served under Washington?!"
You clamp down on the exclamation before it can express everything it wants to. A mere exclamation of disbelief for a Founding Father, not your expression of disbelief. Your relationship to the Founding Fathers may enter your vocabulary… most often when minors are present, but you legitimately look up to the men they were. Or the men they wanted to be, at least. That's something he could use.
If the Redcoat saw any of your shock, he gives no indication. By the tightening of his lips, he might have some thoughts of his own. He opens his mouth, and for a brief, harrowing second, you fear you are about to hear something truly blasphemous come from the Redcoat's mouth.
"Yes." He pauses. "He was a brilliant man. Passionate. Charismatic. Capable."
The Redcoat puts the teacup down, his next words painfully, quietly bitter. "He didn't have to betray us."
You put the cookie down.
Are you going to do this?
Of course you are.
"We asked nicely, you know."
The tone is calm. Measured.
The Redcoat trembles, before stiffly waving away whatever response he was going to make. "I'm not going to waste time relitigating history you won."
What in George's name… which one?
Damn it, what is happening?
"Are you sure?" you ask. "It's something of a novel experience for me."
You decide to push, for several reasons. First, this seems the most usable piece of information you've gleaned so far. Second, every second you can stall for time is most likely valuable. And third.
You haven't decided if you are furious yet.
Russ Intrigue Check: Revolutionary War Pt 3
57% CoS 95+ 5-
55+38+9(Muppets)+5(Secret Keeper)+5(Touched a Nerve)=112
Redcoat Opposed
43% CoS 95+ 5-
87+19+26(Maxim Horvath)+5(Touched a Nerve)=137
Failure
You hear the thump of a cane just outside of the door. "Ahem."
Maxim Horvath leans into the room, casting a brief but disparaging eye over the Redcoat's position on the floor. "I'll be taking my tea back, now."
The platter levitates away, giving 'Chaucer' just enough time to snatch his cup off of the platter. Hmm. Good reflexes.
"Geez. Your boss seems like a real jerk." Rizzo notes after Horvath leaves.
"I've had better." The Redcoat admits, adjusting his collar. "Regardless, neither you nor I have all the time in the world. I do need an answer to the original inquiry. Will you accept the chance to walk away unscathed, or would you prefer to take your chances with Master Horvath's 'enhanced persuasion' techniques?"
You notice that he hasn't stood up yet.
"I may be familiar." You reply, carefully shifting the conversation along a fulcrum. "Your word, I might be willing to consider. His word is… better known."
An educated guess.
"Yes, well." The Redcoat vacillates halfheartedly. "He's willing to hold bargains that don't get in his way."
He pauses, considering his next words carefully. "His ire, on the other hand, is something he'll happily take beyond the grave. The man is a genuine wight, you know. Quite immortal. Taught by Merlin himself, if you follow the legends."
He looks you up and down, and the gesture grounds his absurdity that little bit more. You've seen the look in military men before. Soldiers trying to gauge the risk and reward of scaring off or, worse, listening to the government spook poking into their turf.
"You seem a man of backbone. He'll peel you apart if you try to obstruct him. His abilities are quite innumerable, capable of things that might seem impossible to you, or even I. Even if he is not the most powerful sorcerer in the world, he is certainly the most…driven."
The Redcoat looks you in the eyes, but can't quite seem to peer past your sunglasses. "Does that scare you at all?"
Russ Intrigue Check: Windows To The Soul
DC 75
78% CoS 93+ 2-
34+38+9(Muppets)+5(Secret Keeper)=86
Success
If you hold still enough, a man's words become a mirror. They reflect themselves.
For a multitude of reasons, one of which may be holding a plasma bolt in the next room, you can't be obvious about this.
That's fine. It gives you an excuse to indulge.
"I'll ask Nathan Hale. You might have known him."
The Redcoat leans back, frowning. "I have not. Blackbeard, have you heard of this man?"
"Nay!" Blackbeard exclaims, and then he raises a hand as if he remembers something. His mouth opens, then closes again. "Nay. Sounds a rather common sort of name."
You turn your gaze to Blackbeard and switch topics faster than Chaucer can discern their relation. "You know, for such a loyal soldier, I'm surprised to find you working with such an infamous outlaw. Certainly you can't claim anything we did was a greater betrayal than that. The man was from Bristol."
The ghost draws himself up to his noncorporeal height faster than your target can respond. "Why I take umbrage sir! I was a loyal servant of the British Crown until the bitter end!"
The ghost waggles a hand. "I may have… skimmed a bit off the top of the King's own proceeds, ehh in my own way, but who among us hasn't?"
"I think the fleet that sank you might have disagreed." You respond, privately wondering if the dreaded pirate Blackbeard was always this buffoonish, or if it has something to do with becoming a ghost. Best not to ask.
"Why I-"
The pirate is cut off before he can continue.
"More pertinently, three-odd centuries of house arrest is more than long enough to serve his sentence, ad-hoc or not." The Redcoat doesn't mutter, but it's a close thing. You can see gears (or possibly matchlock) working away, sensing an angle it can't quite grasp.
"And what of you?" He's pushing the table around, trying to cut off the line before you can run away with it. "Can you say that your, what do you call them now, agency is a clean one?"
You are very thankful you seem to be better at this game than he is. And, perhaps, that Horvath cannot or will not oversee every second of this interrogation. Your face betrays nothing as you reply: "I suppose it depends on what you really owe loyalty to, in the end."
"My loyalty is to the Crown." He says, firmly. "Master Horvath represents the best path to return to that service, and thus my loyalty stands with him for the foreseeable future."
"He the sort of man who accepts multiple masters?" You ask, more than willing to make an offhand attempt at driving a wedge even if the question goes nowhere.
"The first master of every Morganian is himself." The Redcoat does not quite harumph.
"At the expense of others?" You push. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but Morganians have a… reputation. And I feel pretty expensed."
"Life happens at the expense of others. Externalities, I believe, is what the matter is called nowadays. If a Merlinian sees a man beaten on the street, and he will not raise his wand to save him, he is not the one to pay the cost for his principles." The Redcoat pauses, examining your expression. He chuckles. "I suppose I should hardly expect you to be familiar with the fine details of our little political squabble. The point remains that what we are doing next…"
He trails off, contemplating something, before sighing. "What we are working towards is good, I believe. It will give us the power to make the world a better place, far beyond the scope of any personal actualization balderdash. Change, tangible and not so easily thrown aside by the weight of convenience."
His smile grows a little crooked. "I suppose you would know something about that, eh American?"
You may never have joined debate club, but you know an opening when you see one. "You might not be aware. 'Externalities' were coined as failures of a system. Things happening because those in charge couldn't see over their own plan. To be avoided."
"A state I have been trying to reach," The Redcoat agrees. "I have compromised as I need to. Unfortunately, reality is not built to suit our whims, and we must play the hands we are dealt. I have my own obligations, and do not have the luxury of getting every outcome because I desire it so. Sacrifices thus become an unfortunate necessity."
Perhaps the most concerning thing you have heard so far. If not exactly surprising. You give the man a fixed look. "Assuming you're right. The world turns upside down more often than you'd think."
"It would certainly make a nice change of pace."
You consider trying to drag this conversation on for longer, but there's only so much you can do to keep this conversation's wheels spinning. With help still potentially hours away, you can't actually keep the man distracted until the cavalry arrives. A moment passes. Then two.
"Well, if you have nothing left to say, I see no reason to bother you further."
He stands slowly, carefully brushing the dust from his coat. The teacup floats up to follow him, and he gives Blackbeard a slight nod at the favor, plucking the little porcelain vessel out of the air. "In time, Master Horvath will see you at his convenience."
You nod. With one final, inscrutable look, he turns to go, stepping through the barrier, and out of the confessional. As he leaves you hear Blackbeard turning to him. It's hard not to.
"Are you going to ask the magic box about that Hale gentleman?" It's the closest thing to a whisper you've heard out of the ghost.
Well that was… interesting.
You hope Horvath won't be so full of surprises.
===
It's later that evening, past sunset by your count, though given the lack of windows in the confessional your internal clock could be a lot less accurate than the one they took from you.
You hear a sound. The slightest scraping in the darkness, that immediately brings you back to focus. In the dark, something small slides under the confessional's curtain, the barrier doing nothing to stop the intrusion. Silently you rise to your feet, slipping towards the doorway and sliding out a hand. Stone. Thick. Carved.
You raise the talisman up to your face.
Time to think about options.
===
Agent Russ is ready for his big gambit. When his allies arrive, he'll be ready to do his part. What is it going to be?
[ ] Defenestration is Always In: When the chaos starts, Russ will use the Ji talisman to hurl one of Horvath's underlings through a window. This has a high chance of removing the target from combat for a round, but won't accomplish much unless your allies can make use of that breathing room. It will also destroy an extra stained glass window.
[ ] Key Check: With Monogram's help, Russ will use the Ji Talisman to activate his keyfob and bring his Spycycle to the fight as soon as possible. Its autonomous arrival will be loud and distracting if timed to the moment his team arrives, and is subtle enough it will almost certainly work. It will also let you use the Spycycle bonus immediately, assuming your allies get you out of your cage. However, this will have less effect than fully removing a target and, in the event of a critical failure, would reveal your Ji Talisman to the enemy too soon.
[ ] Mind Games: When the team is in place, Russ will attempt to goad Horvath himself into simply taking the information he needs from Russ' mind. Will require an opposed Intrigue check. On a success, Russ will be able to lock down Horvath's personal attention for a round using his own surprise mental combat skills, possibly even two rounds if things go well. The effectiveness of removing Horvath from the board early can't be overstated. However, there is also a moderate chance Russ could sustain temporary psychic injury just trying to hold down an Archmage.
There is a twenty-four hour moratorium on voting.
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Ooh, that was a good one. I'm glad Monogram only hit a Bare Failure and, thus, avoided revealing himself. And that whole exchange between Russ and the Redcoat was quite well-written. Now, as for the vote...My first instinct is to go with Plan Defenestration. Not as consequential as locking down Horvath, obviously, but Russ is already in a shaky mental state, i'm not sure a mind battle would be great for him. Plus, it still removes a combatant early, apparently has a high chance success, and is more consequential then restoring the Spycycle bonus, with less terrible results for failure. It'll be a small opening, so it'll depend a lot on our follow-up, but could still be very useful. Also...
HAH! I get it.
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KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Excellent gap moe moment.
On one hand, Defenstration is hilarious, on the Spycyle is more likely to be immediately beneficial.
Well regarding the last one we know Horvath's intrigue score:
So without external factors we have a sizable lead on them.
I think the only thing with defenstration is that unless we get lucky and hit Abigail, it's removing one of the two people we're actively trying to wedge against Horvath. Which might be a downside? It's definitely the safest option at least which with the opposing sides apparently Kranz level dice luck, is at least a sizeable benefit.
Wait, could it take out Blackbeard's Ghost but not the Redcoat? I get the sense they're kinda attached to each other. Not to mention, ya know, how does one hurl a ghost through a window? In which case, it's a coinflip of the Redcoat or Abby. I'm willing to take those odds.
They're likely close enough that removing one from the scene won't remove the other.
Omegahugger
Inattentive Idiot
So… Does anyone know if we have room for another evil sorceress on our team?
We're about to beat her in a battle, the Magical Girl laws dictate we will become friends then!