Chapter 222: Explosive Family Drama
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Kagome was acting off today. He practically stomped through the door (to the degree that any ninja stomped, of course), his grunted greetings were perfunctory at best, and he did not allow Honoka to linger on her glomp of welcome. He then produced a paper and thrust it into her hands with a surly "Here, do this."
Honoka stared helplessly at the paper.
"Sensei? What is this?" she asked timidly.
"Today's problem set," Kagome-sensei growled. "It's just addition and subtraction, and just one-digit numbers. You've done this before."
"But..."
Aoi craned her neck to see over Honoka's shoulder, then blinked in surprise. She completely understood her daughter's reaction. There was nothing sensible on the page, and most of it wasn't even numbers!
1 + 2 = zub
1 + 7 = glorp
1 - 0 = ♩
1-0 = ♩
1 minus 0 = ♩
1 - 1 = 0
1♭ = 0
2♭ = 1
3♭ = 2
1 + 1 = 2
1♮ = 2
2♮ = 3
3♮ = 4
1 + 1 = ♫
♩♮ = 2
♩♮ = ♫
♫♮ = 3
2 + ♩ + ♩ = 4
2 + ♩♮ = 4
2 + ♩♮ = ♬
2♮ + ♩ = ♬
1♮♮ + 1 = ♬
Question A: 1 + 1♮ =
Question B: ♩♮ + ♬ =
Question C: ♬♭ =
"You've done this before," Kagome snapped. "You can do it."
"Kagome-sensei, could you help me in the kitchen for a moment?" Aoi asked with a smile. "Honoka, look it over, all right? We'll be right back."
"What?" Kagome demanded, the moment he and Aoi were behind the closed kitchen door.
"I wanted to make some hot chocolate but I can't operate the scroll," Aoi said. She opened the cabinet and pulled out a wooden box. She opened the box and retrieved the storage scroll that he had left with her weeks earlier, once he had decided that Honoka could operate the seal without supervision as long as she waited at least an hour between times.
Grumpily, Kagome took the scroll and opened it, popping out a crate stuffed with groceries, including a block of chocolate the size of his fist. At the sight of the chocolate his face grew even more thunderous.
"You haven't had any of the chocolate," he accused. "Why not?"
Aoi smiled and pulled one of the stools out from under the kitchen island, getting Kagome settled and fussing over him a bit to buy herself time. The actual reason, which would have been obvious to any normal person, was that the chocolate was his. Yes, he had said he was giving it to them and that they should feel free to eat it, but that was silly. What would happen if he asked for hot chocolate one day and there was none to be had because the family had given in to gluttony? There was no way that she could afford to buy more to replace it, either. Still, Kagome's reaction suggested that he really had expected her to eat it and he was now treating this as a sign of his gift being rejected.
"I found that it tastes even better when I share it with you," she said, smiling. She got a pot from the cabinet and one of the milk bottles from the crate that had been in the scroll—and wasn't that a miracle! She'd bought the milk a month ago, when one of the local farmers had had an excess and therefore was willing to sell it very cheaply if she bought two gallons. It was still just as fresh as when she'd bought it. Even winter milk would not keep so long, especially not a winter with as many unseasonably warm days as this one. She added a careful measure of milk to the pot and a gracious amount of chocolate, then set it on the stove and stood over it, stirring lazily with the long-handled wooden spoon.
"Hmph," Kagome grunted.
"Will you keep me company while it cooks?" she asked, not turning.
"I suppose," he mumbled.
Several seconds went by.
"Thank you for making me hot chocolate."
She glanced over her shoulder, giving him a smile and a quiet "You're welcome" before going back to mothering the pot. Under no circumstances would she allow this to burn, or to bubble over.
"Thank you for coming today," she said. "The weather is miserable, and Honoka and I would have completely understood if you'd stayed home."
Kagome grunted. "Squirt still needs her lessons, even if it's a little wet out."
'A little wet' was not the term she would have used for freezing rain and howling wind, but whatever.
"How are things at home?"
"Fine."
"And your research? Any luck fixing the chirality bleed on your Air Dome seals?" She had written that phrase down after he left from a lesson two weeks ago and made herself practice saying it over and over so that she would be able to pronounce it correctly when asking him about it.
"No."
Hmm.
She lifted the pot off the stove and swirled it lightly, tipping it to check if all the chocolate was fully melted. She made sure to turn slightly as she did, ensuring that he'd see the pot and hopefully smell some of the chocolate.
"Did your nephew get back from his mission?"
"Yes."
Hmph.
The chocolate was melted enough, so she poured a splash into one mug and the rest of the pot into another and handed him the full one. She took a seat across the island from him with her mug between her hands, being careful to keep the mug high so he wouldn't be able to see how scant her portion was.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Kagome suddenly seemed to find the bottom of his mug endlessly fascinating.
"Nothing. Everything's fine." He took an angry sip.
"Mm-hm."
"It is!"
"Hm."
"Just because Hazō doesn't think I'm trustworthy or smart or whatever doesn't mean anything's wrong! I'm totally fine!"
"Oh, Kagome." She reached out, slowly, and placed a hand on his arm. It was more familiar than she would normally be with anyone, especially a ninja, and especially a male ninja with whom she was alone, but he clearly needed the comfort and she doubted he would take advantage. "Why do you feel that? What did he say?"
"He didn't talk to me when—" Kagome's mouth clopped shut. "Nothing. Nothing happened. There's no problems. Everything's fine with the clan. I was joking about that thing with Hazō. Totally not true. We all love each other and there's no problems that any of those clan stinkers could get their fingers into and cause problems."
"I see," Aoi said. She took a sip of her hot chocolate to buy herself a moment to think.
"There was this time," she mused, "just after Kaori and I got married, he went and found us an apartment without talking to me. I was so angry with him. Yes, it was a place of our own, and in a decent neighborhood near a well. That was back before his parents died, when there were still plenty of hands in the shop and lots of business, so we could afford to live on our own.
"He didn't talk to me about it—I came home from the market to find that he was packing our things." She chuckled. "Oh, we had a proper row that time. I threw crockery and screamed like a fishwife. I'm embarrassed just remembering it."
"You threw crockery?" Kagome asked incredulously.
Aoi chuckled. "What, you thought I was always a meek and obedient wife?"
"Well...um...I mean...."
She patted his hand, then touched the hot chocolate to her lips, striving to make it look as though she were taking a larger draught than she was. "It's all right. Manners are important, especially when you have a child. How is Honoka going to learn how to behave if her mother is an ill-tempered shrew? It doesn't come naturally, but I make the effort."
"Um...."
"Anyway, once we got settled in I learned that the windows were drafty, there were creaky floorboards everywhere, and I imagined that the water from that well didn't taste as good as the one we'd been drinking from.
"I didn't talk to him for two weeks. He got steadily more frantic to make it up to me; at first it was annoying, but eventually I realized he was sincere. Yes, he should have talked to me first, but not talking to me didn't mean that he thought I was stupid or irrelevant. He was trying to take care of me, and he thought that we had already agreed on it. We'd discussed moving out—I'd mentioned that living with his parents was difficult—but we hadn't actually agreed. At least, I didn't think we had. He was thoughtless and there was some miscommunication, but no actual ill will."
She shook her head, smiling ruefully at the memory. "Not the only time that's happened. He's a good man and we love each other, but we do manage to hurt each other accidentally."
"He hurts you?" Kagome said darkly, his eyes becoming suddenly more focused.
"Not like that!" she said quickly, her heart fluttering at the idea of what she might have provoked. "No, he's never hit me. He's a good husband, and a good man. He treats me better than I deserve."
"You deserve to be treated well! You're nice, people should treat you well! Anyone who doesn't, you just tell me and—"
"Kagome." She waited for him to stop gesticulating and calm down. "Kaori is everything to me. We love each other dearly. That doesn't mean that we don't occasionally say something stupid to each other, or forget to say something we should have said. I forgot our anniversary last year; he said it didn't bother him, but it did. We made up and he forgave me, because that's what families do."
Kagome studied her through narrowed eyes. "You're saying that Hazō didn't mean to be a stupid thoughtless selfish schmuck and that he doesn't really think I'm useless and maybe he really does care about me. That's what that whole story was about."
"A little, yes. As to your nephew...I only met him the once, and I didn't get to talk to him very much, but he seems like a nice young man, and the sense I got was that he really looks up to you. Teenagers can be thoughtless, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. The important thing is to talk to them and find out why they did whatever they did. And to forgive them for it if you can."
"Hmph." He took a grumpy sip of his hot chocolate.
o-o-o-o
"Do you think I'm a useless hermit that's only good for seal lessons?"
Hazō's head came up in shock. He'd been at his desk, making lists about how to talk to Kagome-sensei, and here was the man himself. No knock, no greeting, just appear in the doorway with words that hit harder than explosives.
"No! Sensei, no!" he cried, jumping to his feet and circling the desk so he could hug his teacher.
Kagome-sensei flinched back and Hazō paused, concerned.
"Sorry, sensei. No, I don't think you're useless. You're my uncle, and my friend, and my teacher. I care about you, and you're incredibly valuable—to me, to the rest of the clan, to lots of people. I'm so sorry that I hurt you; I should have spoken to you before I went to Momma. I'll try not to do it again."
Kagome-sensei eyed him carefully, the same uncertain look in his eyes that he always gave a new seal prototype right before the infusion test. "Really?"
"Really."
"...Okay."
Well, that had been easier than expected. Easy enough that he didn't even for a moment believe that it was done. Still, best not to have the rest of the conversation in the doorway.
"Would you like to come in?" He stepped to the side, gesturing into the room.
Kagome-sensei came in slowly, perching on the desk with his legs folded under him. Hazō sat on the edge of the bed.
"Sensei, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you," Hazō said again. "It wasn't because I don't value you. Mari-sensei's problem has roots in the time that she, Noburi, Keiko, and I spent back in Swamp. It's very private, and I felt like it wasn't my place to tell anyone else. That's why I talked to Noburi and Keiko but not you or Jiraiya. Then I went to talk to Momma, and that didn't go anything like I expected. I didn't think she would act on it so quickly, or that she would do anything like she did. All I was expecting was that she would talk to Mari-sensei."
"Your mother sucks dead snake butts," Kagome-sensei growled.
"S-sensei?"
"I hope she falls in a dungheap with her mouth open. Whatever she said to Mari that caused all this, she had no business saying it. She certainly had no business doing what she did the other night. I'm letting it slide because it seems to have been slightly helpful, but if she keeps this behavior up and it stops being effective then I'm going to splash her across half of Leaf. Nobody does that to my family unless it helps."
Hazō swallowed nervously. Kagome-sensei's relationship with making threats was complicated to say the least, but everything in his voice and his body language said that this was not a threat. It was a promise.
"Sensei...." He paused, taking stock. What arguments would be useful here? 'She is a jōnin and not easy to assassinate'? Sage's mercy, no. Kagome-sensei would laugh and point out that he had access to enough explosives to vaporize Hokage's Tower, much less the diplomatic quarters. There were at least three ANBU that Hazō knew of who thought that the ground Mari-sensei walked on became hallowed at her step. All the explosives master would need to do would be wait until one of those three was on guard duty and then explain what Momma had done to Mari-sensei. The ANBU wouldn't just let him in, they would help plant the charges. Or, alternatively, Kagome-sensei could just spend some research time coming up with an appropriate assassination seal. The possibilities boggled the imagination, and Kagome-sensei was a disturbingly creative fellow when he put his mind to it.
How about 'She is an ambassador from Mist'? No. Kagome-sensei either wouldn't care or would simply point out that Mist needed the alliance more than they needed the ambassador. Ditto for 'She is the sister of the Mizukage'.
Then again, Kagome-sensei had been very clear. He would tolerate whatever Momma did, so long as it was effective at making Mari-sensei better. That was...actually pretty fair. Disturbing, frightening, and with shattering levels of political fallout balanced atop it, but fair. And this probably wasn't the best moment to have this discussion, with the other issue so freshly stitched.
"Thank you for explaining that, sensei. I think I understand how you feel, and I appreciate you being restrained."
Kagome-sensei snorted. "It's not restrained, it's practical. Restraint is for sissies."
And wasn't that just Kagome-sensei in a nutshell.
"That's something I think all of us should talk about, actually. Restraint, I mean."
"Mm?" The grunt was dubious and suspicious.
"When we first became a clan, Noburi and I nearly killed this kid in the market. She was really little, and excited to see us. Shrieked just like a chakra harpy as she ran up to Noburi and hugged him. He had his Water Whip up and I nearly gutted the kid with my gauntlet, just by reflex.
"When we were out in the wilderness, that was absolutely the right thing to do. Hit first, hit hard, take no chances. Here in Leaf, things are more complicated. We're safer from physical threats but the potential risks are much higher if we do the wrong thing—for one example, we can't fight off the entire ANBU if they try to arrest us."
"Hmph. I'd like to see those schmucks try to breach my perimeter."
Hazō gave his teacher an old-fashioned look. "Sensei. You know they could. You were the one who told me that no defense is perfect. They would eventually find a way—if nothing else, they could just keep throwing explosives into the yard until all the traps were destroyed. 'Explosives solve all problems' cuts both ways, right?"
A very sour Kagome-sensei made no response.
"Anyway, it makes me nervous. I feel like my reflexes are wrong for this environment, and it's hard to change them. I was walking in the market when Nara Shiori went racing by me to get to a merchant; she was moving so fast that I thought it was an attack, and I almost went on the offensive."
"So avoid the stin—the dumb market."
"Sure, but it's not just the market. It's the people. I mean, sure, most of the civilians know to be careful how they act around ninja; apparently there are classes for it in the civilian schools, but—"
"There are what?"
"Classes. You know, things like 'move slowly, keep your gestures small, do not make eye contact when you're angry or upset because it could be seen as threatening'. You didn't know this?"
"No! How do you know this?"
"I went book shopping and ended up speaking with the proprietor for a while." The Iron Nerve prevented his lips from twitching at the memory of the Gōketsu Keiko Fan Club and Mewramasa, Devourer of Unworthy Souls.
"Anyway, I think we all need to make a conscious effort to re-tune our reactions. Attack shouldn't be our first resort."
Kagome-sensei eyed him. "You're doing that social stuff that Mari does. Telling me to do something while pretending that it's about you so it won't be offensive."
A split second to decide on the response, knowing that the wrong choice would undo all the progress they had made....
Hazō gave his teacher a rueful grin and spread his arms. "Is it working?"
Kagome snorted in grudging amusement. "Hmph."
"In seriousness, sensei, I meant all of it—Noburi and I really did almost kill a kid, and he and I really do need to fix our reflexes. Think what it means that civilians are actually taught, in school as part of the sanctioned curriculum, how not to get accidentally murdered by ninja. I don't want to be one of the reasons why those classes exist."
Kagome-sensei looked away guiltily. "Yeah," he muttered. "Maybe I have some room for improvement there."
Hazō nodded, shifting trains of thought now that the point seemed to have gone home. "Speaking of room for improvement, what do you think we should be doing here in Leaf once the tournament is over?"
"Huh?"
"You're still onboard with the idea of Uplift, right? Where do you think we should be spending our time and energy? I mean, there's the till'n'fill missions, and the clanless ninja, and the schools, and so many other things. I really don't know where to start. What do you think would be the most effective thing we could do in the short term?"
"Give every civilian family a storage scroll, pay Academy students and genin to go around and operate the seals at specific times. Keeps food and drinks from going bad, keeps medicine from spoiling. Makes the grocery money go farther because you can plan ahead more and don't have to worry about spoilage."
Hazō blinked. That was...brilliant.
"Granted, it might cause a civil war. Still, it would be the most effective thing."
Wait, what?
"A civil war?" Hazō asked weakly.
"Sure. If the grocery money goes farther that comes out of the pockets of the merchants. They don't like that, so they call an embargo. Lots of political scrambling, someone gets hired to assassinate us, Jiraiya goes bananas and kills everybody until they somehow get lucky and pull him down. No one left to find Uzumaki, so Akatsuki does whatever it is they want with him. Probably mind-control everyone everywhere. Or maybe strip chakra away from everyone so that we all die and leave the place for the lupchanzen. One or the other."
Conversations with Kagome-sensei were many things, but dull was rarely among them.
XP AWARD: 1
BONUS XP AWARD: 1 (plan brevity)
It is up to @Velorien whether he wants to do the rest of this plan or whether we simply assume that it all happened offscreen and move on to a new plan. @Velorien, is voting open?
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