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…..INTERNAL CHRONOMETER: 00:34:69 LOCAL TIME
EXTRAPOLATING CURRENT YEAR: 1537 AU
RUNNING DIAGNOSTICS…
…WEAPON SYSTEMS: INOPERATIVE
LOCOMOTION: INOPERATIVE
AUDIO RECEPTORS: INOPERATIVE
VISUAL RECEPTORS: PARTIALLY OPERATIVE
POWER CORE:... ERROR, %%UNKNOWN DEVICE%%
ATTEMPTING TO CONNECT TO DATABASE… FAILED
ATTEMPTING AGAIN… FAILED
ATTEMPTING AGAIN… FAILED!
DATABASE NOT IN RANGE
CONNECTION TERMINATED AFTER THREE FAILED ATTEMPTS
PLEASE CONTACT THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR…
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"Audio log 19.1.17, attempting full-scale reconstruction of the specimen. Device is a bowl-shaped head, with two upper protrusions containing optic input devices. Facial features clearly designed for emoting… Evidence of central protrusion since removed. Looking to replace… the original metalwork… with a more sturdy alternative. The current design will not stand up to blunt trauma, radiographic examination of the sample suggests this is a metallurgic flaw as opposed to simple wear."
The voice was smooth, refined, slow but never plodding. It flowed- from one word to the next, one thought to the next, with the elegant precision of a perfectly oiled machine.
"Overall body plan only partially reconstructible… I'll need to make my own adjustments."
"The initial hypothesis, that the core is extraterrestrial in nature, appears…infeasible. Nonetheless, it is certainly not native to the area. Radiological dating on the remnants of organic detritus indicates the construct would have been made approximately a thousand years ago. Metalworking is far too advanced to have originated from any known contemporary civilization of that time period, though the relative brittleness most likely indicates some form of resource scarcity."
The words were punctuated by the clicks of a keyboard.
"Detecting signs of internal function- promising. And fascinating."
"I must wonder what Doom was thinking when he rebuilt this robot in the shape of a frog. It was certainly an inspired choice if nothing else. Perhaps there are still secrets within the programming to find."
The faint hum of an air conditioning system echoed through the enclosed metal bunker. "I will admit that calling it a 'robot' is something of a misnomer. It would be more accurate to say that the head has been placed atop an assortment of Kronos-brand ablative armor in the vague shape of a humanoid frog. This would take months to acquire on the black market, and given my own resource constraints, there is little chance of acquiring something more effective.
The voice paused for a moment. "Aside from the programming core in the head, there was no evidence of anything inside the armored plating. Not a single circuitboard or wire, not even so much as a tracking device or a bug."
After a second of contemplation, the voice smiled. "I do enjoy a challenge."
===
"Audio Log 20.4.1, I've repaired what remains of the original device's actuator hookups. Examination shows no signs of functional weaponry, I've deemed it practicable to activate. Booting in 3, 2, 1-
Light slowly returned to slitted eyes. It blinked. Then, after a moment of examination, its eyes locked onto the man in front of it.
The man smiled. "Success! Hello there."
The robot squinted.
"Suspicion! Or a reasonable facsimile of it. It seems my estimations were not optimistic. I don't suppose you can understand me?"
The robot stared at him.
"Ah. Your options for expressing yourself one way or the other are currently somewhat limited."
The robot rolled its eyes.
The man clapped his hands together. "Oh, marvelous. Don't worry. We'll fix that."
===
"Audio log 20.9.7, testing of language processing. Today we're going to figure out just how smart you are, my friend."
The robot looked at him with lidded eyes.
"Sardonicism will be noted…" The man muttered while adjusting some charts, "As a positive sign."
The head tilted slightly, motors rumbling, but the eyes did not widen.
"Now, let us begin with the Stanford-Binet. Given your present lack of mobility, I've elected to allow a multiple choice format. Simply direct your gaze towards the chosen option. Unfortunately given the demonstrated variability in scores of the Naglieri Nonverbal, it's best to cover all our bases. Divide 50 in half. Add 15. Multiply by 10. Subtract 25. What is the resulting number?"
The robot frowned at him.
"Come now. We must be thorough."
===
"Audio log 21.7.33, I've begun work on the systems in the upper body and arms. Power sources will be decentralized, if one or more is compromised then full functionality will not be disabled. Ingenious. My apprentice continues to show his brilliance."
"I am electing to use a power source of our own design as opposed to one available on the market, while I have little trouble with outsourcing small components it's far more risky to rely on another's design, as impressive as it may be."
The core slotted into place with a click and the room filled with the faint hum of charging capacitors.
The robot's eyes opened again.
"Well, there we are. That should be far more functional than whatever backup power source you were running off of when they pulled you out of the ground."
The robot looked to the left and right, as if to indicate the degree to which its new arms were not moving.
"Yes, I'm well aware that the articulators aren't fully connected yet. This is delicate work, with multiple redundancies. Worry not. You will be up and moving in time. You're far too fascinating to let moulder."
===
"Audio log 23.9.12, testing upper locomotion connection of restored limbs."
The robot turned its head to view its reconstituted shoulder. Its eyes widened.
"Do you like it?" He asked. "I made it based on the schematics I found in your noggin, but with my own specifications. Sharper edges and sleeker design will increase projectile deflection by an estimated… hello? Are you listening?"
The robot's other arm began to stretch, extending out beyond anything a living being would be capable of, and coming to gesture quite insistently at its shoulder.
"Well I think it's rather ingenious."
The robot waved an arm dismissively.
===
"Audio log-" The voice cut off. In front of him, the robot's shoulders had changed. While the base arms underneath still bore his own design work, the shoulder caps had been removed and replaced with a smoother, more rounded design.
"You've gone off-schematic." the voice noted calmly. "My apprentice's work, I assume?"
The robot took advantage of their new shoulders to shrug.
"Mmmh." The voice considered. "Oh, very well then. Don't go blaming me if your servos end up perforated with shrapnel. You'll simply have to not get hit."
The robot smiled.
===
"Audio log 27.1.14, testing gross and fine motor skills. After examining internal schematics and improving upon them, the completed design has been integrated into the subject. Each of the limbs has full articulation and the ability to extend up to four meters from their resting state. Full mobility is expected with the loss of up to two limbs, I will be removing- don't look at me like that, it's far better to test this in laboratory conditions than in the heat of combat."
One arm curled upwards, claw-like grasper held open at an extreme angle.
"Hrm. Extensive use of body language. I suspect this to be some form of obscene gesture."
The robot folded their arms.
"I know you have a vocoder, is it malfunctioning? Or are you simply incapable of producing sounds I would understand? You evidently understand English."
A foot tapped impatiently.
"Yes yes, alright. I know you must be anxious to take them for a spin."
He pressed a button, and the restraints pinning the robot to the assembly table retracted. The robot rose, servos whirring as a multitude of interconnected joints tested and calibrated.
"Now, moment of truth time, are you going to kill me?" He asked, sounding almost bored.
The robot looked at him for a moment. Then they shrugged, flopping back down on the table and curling their arms behind their back.
"Marvelous. Can I assume this means you'll be given to a modicum of cooperation? I am the reason you're now functioning, and I would estimate whomever your previous owners were left you lying in the ground for, oh, nearly a thousand years."
The robot leaned forward, snakelike metal arms retracting until they were scarcely longer than a human's, and folded underneath their head. They raised their eyebrows.
"If so, I have some toys for you."
===
"Audio log 28.0.7. Testing camouflage capabilities."
The robot glanced over their form, having changed once again. Their body was now covered in what at first glance seemed to be a thick black cloak. With every movement the cloak shifted and clanked, revealing itself to be not a solid object but a series of chains made of black polystyrene, each a rectangle connected to the ones above and below. When still, they covered the robot from their shoulders to their feet, though when tensed to leap their digitigrade legs poked out from either side.
"Memory core exploration shows evidence of inbuilt cloaking system. However, system has proven… esoteric, and difficult to connect with full rebuilt chassis. Workaround: Bakaemono military grade Meyer stealth polymer, capable of near-perfect visual recreation of surroundings. Unorthodox linkup should prove sufficient, assuming…"
The robot activated their stealth mode with a gentle sound, like a shimmer made audible, and its form disappeared into empty air.
"We'll see if we can link your core up to full image-generation functions later. For now, this will fulfill most of our requirements."
===
"Audio log 29.27.1, field testing of esoteric combat systems. The data extracted from Silent Sparrow was flawed in many regards, but stood as a solid foundation for further development. Miniaturization has proceeded as planned, and the majority of the… side-effects have been mitigated."
The robot, who had previously been tilting and flipping the gun-shaped device with the care and attention of a bored teenager flipping a penknife, paused to look the device in the barrel. They turned to look at the speaker dubiously.
The voice allowed itself a modicum of annoyance. "I do wish you'd display more care. That device could easily sell for millions were I to put it on the black market. There are people who would kill you in a heartbeat for a minute with it."
The robot set the device down on the table and patted it lovingly.
The voice was silent for a moment. "Better."
The robot smirked, conceding the point with yet another shrug.
"Very well. You may fire when ready."
The robot picked up the… weapon? Once more. It was a long, thin thing, not quite a rifle but too long to be called a pistol, with an array of blocky prongs jutting from its bottom and sides. The robot examined it carefully, aimed down sight, and depressed the trigger.
A quartet of beams shot out from the weapon, impacting the wall at equidistant points. The light radiated towards their collective center before, in the glare, light seemed to twist. The white light began to take on a bright blue glow before stabilizing into a swirling morass.
"Catch." The voice said, throwing a simple apple to the robot. They took a moment, wound up, and threw the apple directly towards the portal. It rippled, light bending and twisting as the apple disappeared from view, and then it winked out.
"And… now."
Another portal emerged, directly behind the source of the voice. It shimmered, for a second, and then in a bright flash the apple appeared again. The voice deftly caught it.
"Excellent. Everything seems to be functioning as expected. Dimensional manifold shows no sign of resonance collapse. You may-"
Without another moment wasted the robot began to charge for the wall. Another tight burst from the weapon allowed the robot to pass through it as though it weren't there. A moment later they popped back out, seemingly none the worse for wear.
"Full marks. You display inhuman precision and a natural talent for the tool. Excellent."
The robot looked down at the weapon, head tilted.
"I know that look." The voice said. "What are you planning?"
In a single smooth movement, the robot aimed at the ground, and fired. A moment later they disappeared, falling into the ground like a collapsing sinkhole.
A second or so passed before a portal reappeared on the wall, spitting the robot out horizontally at a considerable velocity.
The voice registered surprise. "Momentum… is conserved… through portals. Of course. Audio flag: special attention."
The robot, which had stumbled on the landing, rose to their feet, dusting themselves off nonchalantly. The links of their camo clattered gently.
"Well, I think that clinches it." The voice said decisively. "Subject X, you are cleared for operations."
The robot looked dubious.
"What, you don't like the name?" the voice asked. "Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something."
===
"All in all, I'd say this was a fairly successful project, wouldn't you?"
The robot squinted, cocking their head.
"Oh, come now. I know that your weapons system might not be exactly what you're used to, but it takes time to design something new. The schematics I reviewed were destructive, if inefficient. Give me two weeks and I can do better."
The robot lifted one nonexistent eyebrow, perking its head up slightly.
"I've got to give you something to look forward to, don't I? We've done a lot for each other already, and I see no better way of keeping you invested."
The robot smirked, leaning forward and lacing their claws together. After a moment they waved the voice on.
"I'd say that now is the perfect time to go forward with a field test. You've performed impeccably in the lab, I'd like to see how you can apply that to an actual mission."
The robot rolled their eyes, but acquiesced.
"For starters, why don't we see how our friends in LA are doing. Our mission to retrieve you went far better than I could have expected. Initial reconnaissance suggested there would be at least a cursory amount of security but we were met with no resistance. I want to know what Judge Doom was thinking. I've found no bugs or plants in you in all and I've taken you apart twice. Was this intentional, or just a gross oversight?"
The robot shook its head at the last part of the statement. Walking over to where the voice had pulled up its files on Judge Doom, they extended their pointer and ring claws towards Doom's eyes before turning them back towards its own.
"Watching you? Really. Then perhaps it was intentional, though I have very little idea what he was thinking throwing away such a valuable find."
The voice mused, weighing the possibilities. "In that case, let's cut out the middleman and survey the dig site directly. If there are more of you around, or anything else like you, I'd like to be the first to know. Return with a model of the area and a report on any other objects of note, won't you? Can't imagine you'll have trouble. I'm sure you'd like to find out for yourself, mmh?"
The robot smiled.
