Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
I love this concept more than anything in the world, but why a d9? Also, what do you have against the colour grey?
... Xanatos threatened you not to mess with his grey suits, didn't he?
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
... Xanatos threatened you not to mess with his grey suits, didn't he?
- Location
- Two hours away
- Pronouns
- He/Him
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- Location
- Somewhere nearby.
No, the beauty is that Xanatos would somehow see this coming (or we would warn him), so we could wind up with Xanatos in a yellow, green, purple or orange suit!
What if we set something up so that our allies would be automatically notified of Inator rolls that can effect them?
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Well, it looks tidier and we don't have a risk of recruiting concerning heroes on one of Mirage's gacha.
I just noticed this, and I don't think we're going to get them Full Time just quite yet. Currently Phineas and Ferb are not even 14, and I think they are going to be entering their
Edit: Nevermind that, probably referring to child labor laws. They're probably entering their sophomore year.
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Mojave
BWAAAH
- Pronouns
- He
Seems like a bit of a waste of a national action then.
- Location
- The UK
@Made in Heaven How do you decide what stats to give to each character?
weredrago2
"Cowabunga, Shadow the Hedgehog..."
- Location
- Florida
We (mostly MiH and Arathnorn) eyeball it. I do much looser eyeballing for trading cards. That said, there is a chart we made to guess where what is in the Informational threadmarks.
A Walk in the Park
Hey after the MIH put out the LOVEMUFFIN incident I was taken over in a fugue state and have been working and polishing this omake I've written for over a week. Come forth and see the culmination of a moderate amount of effort, and procrastination on assignments that I really shouldn't be procrastinating in the first place.
What this is about is Doof's reaction when Rodney cursed him.
I hope I made this accurate to Doof's character
I've tentatively named this..
The whole debacle concerning the arrest of LOVEMUFFIN wouldn't be called… orderly.
When Doofenshmirtz had made the tiniest hint of suggesting they were to own up for their crimes things... got out of hand. To cut things short let's just say the fight that followed ended up in Heinz's favor.
He was still… processing what happened at the end.
(Is it still called "processing" when you refuse to speak or think about it and pretend that the entire event had never happened and thus is repressed in your memory. And not even as good and proper backstory material but in the mental lockbox of issues that even you refuse to touch upon?)
Anyways It had been quite sometime after the incident and all of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N was currently in "mandatory timeout". Usually seeing Rodney stewing and whining in the consequences of his own actions would leave Heinz feeling a sort of petty glee but the circumstances that had led to it had soured the moment.
Ugh.
He was STILL dealing with the fallout of the incident. Meeting with lawyers, reassuring the people of the Tri-State Area that their science division had gone a bit kooky and he was dealing with it, and cleaning up the damage from everything that had happened on that day. (It rivaled even that of the Baking Soda Volcano Invasion. "CURSE YOU BAKING SODA VOLCANOES!")
Not to mention the paperwork. The paperwork mostly needed his approval so Mirage was able to fill out most of the details but they still needed to be signed by him.
So now Heinz was attempting to find solace in the cafeteria, snacking on some almond brittle as a way to assuage the headache he was getting. Not only from the situation but from the paperwork that he was working on to fully resolve the whole mess.
(Maybe he could make a Paperwork-away inator to free up his schedule?)
And he would have continued doing so in peace if it weren't for a monobrowed manager of a literal animal crime-fighting organization coming by to stand before him.
"What is it, Francis." Heinz didn't bother looking up from his work. Usually, Heinz would take the time to talk with Major Monogram but today wasn't that kind of day for him.
The "Major" either didn't notice or ignored the implied rebuff. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get Doofenshmirtz's attention but gave up when it became clear that he wasn't going to.
"I know this isn't your office but I just had to get this out of the way, the Forces of Good and more specifically O.W.C.A itself owes its thanks to-"
"I didn't do it for you Francis Monogram" Heinz cut off Major Monogram's obligatory gratitude tersely as he was not in the mood. "You of all people should know that."
Francis stepped back from Heinz, not in fear, but rather he was just startled. Heinz had turned his face up to look at him and what was usually a look full of bright-eyed almost childish manic glee was now rigidly firm bordering on hostile and a tone so sharp it might've cut rock.
"Oh-I-um.." Francis blustered for a response.
At that moment Heiz realized how public this whole affair was. The occupants trying not to look at them and leave them to their privacy but with a turned ear towards the confrontation.
Sighing Heinz got up from his seat leaving behind a barely nibbled-on Almond Brittle and promptly shoved the paperwork into Monogram's arms.
"Hand this off to Mirage to send to my office. I'm going for a walk"
Punctuating his statement were the swinging cafeteria doors he left in his wake.
---
He didn't lie. He did go for a walk. That walk just happened to take him by the memorial in the park.
The park was unusually empty at the time. People didn't really feel the need to go outside that much after the LOVEMUFFIN incident. There were a few stragglers here and there but it was a relatively quiet and peaceful day in the park. A perfect time to take a stroll.
But right now he was taking the time to wipe out someone's artistic attempts to draw something no good for PG audiences on the statue's base. (You can't say what it is it's a cartoon for crying out loud!) This kind of thing didn't happen that much currently ever since Doofania's crime was bought to an all-time low until LOVEMUFFIN happened.
It was expected to be infuriated from the fact someone would actually go out of their way to desecrate a memorial. And he was but not as much as he would have thought. In a way he was partly grateful about it, he could make excuses to help clean up but really he was just taking the time to stop and let the world go by him for as long as he was there.
He paused and huffed in exertion from using the "Stain-B-Gone-Inator!" (which was actually just a really good do-rag) powered exclusively by elbow grease.
"Sheesh, Perry the Statue-pus you should at least watch out for miscreant vandals- hooligan artists?- deviant dab hands? You get what I'm talking about, right?"
Of course, Heinz didn't actually expect the memorial statue to respond. (unless he put a speaker on there for programmed responses, but yeah that's a no.) But that didn't mean it wasn't nice y'know.
To pretend there was a chattering response to his words.
Heinz's tone though took on a more somber mood.
"I've changed, Perry the Statue-pus."
Releasing a sigh he goes on to explain.
"You know why Perry the Statue-pus? It's because of Rodney." He underlined the name with both an undertone AND overtone of disdain and disgust.
He wags a finger at his friend.
"Don't give me that look Perry the Statue-pus I know that you know that I know that what Rodney says could come from Goozim vomit for all I care but let me finish all right?"
A pause in this one-sided conversation came forth, a significantly substantial one as he tries to say what had been haunting the back of his mind for days.
A silence, suddenly broken from the words spilling forth from Heinz.
"He cursed me. He cursed my name. He said, "Curse you Heinz Doofenshmirtz". That's what he said to me Perry the Platypus"
The doctor stared at his hands in contemplation, fidgeting with them as he tried to rub off some of the stains he had gotten from cleaning off the memorial's base.
He mutters something his voice teetering on inaudible.
"You know... as crazy as it sounds I wanted to hear that from you."
Wagging his hands at the air as if to wag out the tension in him he quickly rebuffs.
"Yeah, Yeah I know you're a platypus you don't really talk you just make that "gnnggnr" noise with your mouth"
The doctor's face pinches up in contemplation. His mind now on another train of thought
"Was it "gnngnnr"?" "Or was it krkrkrkrkr" "...chrchrchrhchr"
He kept making different variations of this noise with such veracity and authenticity that he caused the park wildlife to stay clear of the unknown creature making that eldritch noise. This one-man demonstration on the terrifying noises people can create with their mouths caused passing bystanders taking a walk through the park to turn their route the opposite way.
"I'm rambling again you get the point"
He scratches at his head in agitation.
"It's not like I expected you to actually say it but maybe write it? Shake a fist at me to get the message across? What I'm trying to say is that it was something to look forward to in our nemesisship"
"Except now that kind of thing is impossible… considering the circumstances"
"And now I find myself on the receiving end of it…"
He shakes his head in a burst of frustration.
"Grah! And of all people why did it have to be Rodney ugh! He doesn't even have a tail to slap me across the face with. Hellooo~ he can't even hold his own in a fight! Not that I ever won against you but hey I came close a few times, right Perry the Platypus?"
While shaking a gangly fist in the air he puts on a grin. It almost becomes something real.
Almost.
His limbs fall, posture slumps even worse than it usually, his body still upright yet sagging downwards towards the earth. As if his turmoil was something that held physical weight.
"I should have let them do Mad Science across the Tri-State Area. I'm EVIL duh. It's the evil thing to do. Hello~ I'm an evil scientist! The word Evil™ is right there in the job description. It's an adjective that describes someone who is NOT GOOD. Why didn't I let them? Why did I…"
He puts his head in his hands in frustration. The rant left him unexpectedly exhausted. He needed to take a breather.
And so Heinz closed his eyes.
He remembered why he became an evil scientist.
Obviously, his childhood was taken into account, that introspection was best left to monologuing or Technor, but not here.
Graduating from Evil school, only to find out that apparently whatever degree he got from there doesn't really count as a "real degree" APPARENTLY.
Finally moving forth in his life and gaining a career as a budding evil scientist, resolved to take over the TRI-STATE AREA 'insert evil cackle here'.
From there on his life became routine. Plan evil scheme, get defeated, curse the anthropomorphic secret agent platypus. Often losing and rarely winning. (Those victories all pyrrhic really) But then...
Sometimes whenever he sees something vaguely teal-colored or happens across a fedora window-shopping.
He can't help but…
He remembers.
Help to decorate for his little girl's birthday party.
Dancing away the night together on New Year's.
Shared tears over what happened in the latest episode of "El Matador de Amor" (that cheating dumpkoff!! How could he do that to her!).
A small furry paw to hold as they trekked through the desert to civilization.
Someone to lean on (albeit that someone was very small) when the times got tough.
Someone who was his friend.
Someone who became family.
His eyes open.
"Oh"
Doofenshmirtz already knew the answer to his questions. It was just something he tried not to touch. He knew pain but this was different. Because despite the backstories that shaped him, despite the adversity he pushed through, the answer he was looking for at this moment had affected him more significantly than any of the previous issues had.
That answer was right in front of him after all. Immortalized in a material he designed to last to be remembered of what he had done and what he had lost. Even if its significance was understood by no one else but him.
"...I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much."
The corners of his lips turn upwards akin to something like a smile.
"I guess I'm lucky I found someone worth missing."
And then he left.
He necessarily didn't know what he was going to do from now on. But he's moving.
He hasn't yet fully comprehend what he found. But he found it.
The future was far off and uncertain, who knows what will happen? But he found the resolve to move forward.
And for now, that was enough.
What this is about is Doof's reaction when Rodney cursed him.
I hope I made this accurate to Doof's character
I've tentatively named this..
A Walk in the Park
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The whole debacle concerning the arrest of LOVEMUFFIN wouldn't be called… orderly.
When Doofenshmirtz had made the tiniest hint of suggesting they were to own up for their crimes things... got out of hand. To cut things short let's just say the fight that followed ended up in Heinz's favor.
He was still… processing what happened at the end.
(Is it still called "processing" when you refuse to speak or think about it and pretend that the entire event had never happened and thus is repressed in your memory. And not even as good and proper backstory material but in the mental lockbox of issues that even you refuse to touch upon?)
Anyways It had been quite sometime after the incident and all of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N was currently in "mandatory timeout". Usually seeing Rodney stewing and whining in the consequences of his own actions would leave Heinz feeling a sort of petty glee but the circumstances that had led to it had soured the moment.
Ugh.
He was STILL dealing with the fallout of the incident. Meeting with lawyers, reassuring the people of the Tri-State Area that their science division had gone a bit kooky and he was dealing with it, and cleaning up the damage from everything that had happened on that day. (It rivaled even that of the Baking Soda Volcano Invasion. "CURSE YOU BAKING SODA VOLCANOES!")
Not to mention the paperwork. The paperwork mostly needed his approval so Mirage was able to fill out most of the details but they still needed to be signed by him.
So now Heinz was attempting to find solace in the cafeteria, snacking on some almond brittle as a way to assuage the headache he was getting. Not only from the situation but from the paperwork that he was working on to fully resolve the whole mess.
(Maybe he could make a Paperwork-away inator to free up his schedule?)
And he would have continued doing so in peace if it weren't for a monobrowed manager of a literal animal crime-fighting organization coming by to stand before him.
"What is it, Francis." Heinz didn't bother looking up from his work. Usually, Heinz would take the time to talk with Major Monogram but today wasn't that kind of day for him.
The "Major" either didn't notice or ignored the implied rebuff. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get Doofenshmirtz's attention but gave up when it became clear that he wasn't going to.
"I know this isn't your office but I just had to get this out of the way, the Forces of Good and more specifically O.W.C.A itself owes its thanks to-"
"I didn't do it for you Francis Monogram" Heinz cut off Major Monogram's obligatory gratitude tersely as he was not in the mood. "You of all people should know that."
Francis stepped back from Heinz, not in fear, but rather he was just startled. Heinz had turned his face up to look at him and what was usually a look full of bright-eyed almost childish manic glee was now rigidly firm bordering on hostile and a tone so sharp it might've cut rock.
"Oh-I-um.." Francis blustered for a response.
At that moment Heiz realized how public this whole affair was. The occupants trying not to look at them and leave them to their privacy but with a turned ear towards the confrontation.
Sighing Heinz got up from his seat leaving behind a barely nibbled-on Almond Brittle and promptly shoved the paperwork into Monogram's arms.
"Hand this off to Mirage to send to my office. I'm going for a walk"
Punctuating his statement were the swinging cafeteria doors he left in his wake.
---
He didn't lie. He did go for a walk. That walk just happened to take him by the memorial in the park.
The park was unusually empty at the time. People didn't really feel the need to go outside that much after the LOVEMUFFIN incident. There were a few stragglers here and there but it was a relatively quiet and peaceful day in the park. A perfect time to take a stroll.
But right now he was taking the time to wipe out someone's artistic attempts to draw something no good for PG audiences on the statue's base. (You can't say what it is it's a cartoon for crying out loud!) This kind of thing didn't happen that much currently ever since Doofania's crime was bought to an all-time low until LOVEMUFFIN happened.
It was expected to be infuriated from the fact someone would actually go out of their way to desecrate a memorial. And he was but not as much as he would have thought. In a way he was partly grateful about it, he could make excuses to help clean up but really he was just taking the time to stop and let the world go by him for as long as he was there.
He paused and huffed in exertion from using the "Stain-B-Gone-Inator!" (which was actually just a really good do-rag) powered exclusively by elbow grease.
"Sheesh, Perry the Statue-pus you should at least watch out for miscreant vandals- hooligan artists?- deviant dab hands? You get what I'm talking about, right?"
Of course, Heinz didn't actually expect the memorial statue to respond. (unless he put a speaker on there for programmed responses, but yeah that's a no.) But that didn't mean it wasn't nice y'know.
To pretend there was a chattering response to his words.
Heinz's tone though took on a more somber mood.
"I've changed, Perry the Statue-pus."
Releasing a sigh he goes on to explain.
"You know why Perry the Statue-pus? It's because of Rodney." He underlined the name with both an undertone AND overtone of disdain and disgust.
He wags a finger at his friend.
"Don't give me that look Perry the Statue-pus I know that you know that I know that what Rodney says could come from Goozim vomit for all I care but let me finish all right?"
A pause in this one-sided conversation came forth, a significantly substantial one as he tries to say what had been haunting the back of his mind for days.
A silence, suddenly broken from the words spilling forth from Heinz.
"He cursed me. He cursed my name. He said, "Curse you Heinz Doofenshmirtz". That's what he said to me Perry the Platypus"
The doctor stared at his hands in contemplation, fidgeting with them as he tried to rub off some of the stains he had gotten from cleaning off the memorial's base.
He mutters something his voice teetering on inaudible.
"You know... as crazy as it sounds I wanted to hear that from you."
Wagging his hands at the air as if to wag out the tension in him he quickly rebuffs.
"Yeah, Yeah I know you're a platypus you don't really talk you just make that "gnnggnr" noise with your mouth"
The doctor's face pinches up in contemplation. His mind now on another train of thought
"Was it "gnngnnr"?" "Or was it krkrkrkrkr" "...chrchrchrhchr"
He kept making different variations of this noise with such veracity and authenticity that he caused the park wildlife to stay clear of the unknown creature making that eldritch noise. This one-man demonstration on the terrifying noises people can create with their mouths caused passing bystanders taking a walk through the park to turn their route the opposite way.
"I'm rambling again you get the point"
He scratches at his head in agitation.
"It's not like I expected you to actually say it but maybe write it? Shake a fist at me to get the message across? What I'm trying to say is that it was something to look forward to in our nemesisship"
"Except now that kind of thing is impossible… considering the circumstances"
"And now I find myself on the receiving end of it…"
He shakes his head in a burst of frustration.
"Grah! And of all people why did it have to be Rodney ugh! He doesn't even have a tail to slap me across the face with. Hellooo~ he can't even hold his own in a fight! Not that I ever won against you but hey I came close a few times, right Perry the Platypus?"
While shaking a gangly fist in the air he puts on a grin. It almost becomes something real.
Almost.
His limbs fall, posture slumps even worse than it usually, his body still upright yet sagging downwards towards the earth. As if his turmoil was something that held physical weight.
"I should have let them do Mad Science across the Tri-State Area. I'm EVIL duh. It's the evil thing to do. Hello~ I'm an evil scientist! The word Evil™ is right there in the job description. It's an adjective that describes someone who is NOT GOOD. Why didn't I let them? Why did I…"
He puts his head in his hands in frustration. The rant left him unexpectedly exhausted. He needed to take a breather.
And so Heinz closed his eyes.
He remembered why he became an evil scientist.
Obviously, his childhood was taken into account, that introspection was best left to monologuing or Technor, but not here.
Graduating from Evil school, only to find out that apparently whatever degree he got from there doesn't really count as a "real degree" APPARENTLY.
Finally moving forth in his life and gaining a career as a budding evil scientist, resolved to take over the TRI-STATE AREA 'insert evil cackle here'.
From there on his life became routine. Plan evil scheme, get defeated, curse the anthropomorphic secret agent platypus. Often losing and rarely winning. (Those victories all pyrrhic really) But then...
Sometimes whenever he sees something vaguely teal-colored or happens across a fedora window-shopping.
He can't help but…
He remembers.
Help to decorate for his little girl's birthday party.
Dancing away the night together on New Year's.
Shared tears over what happened in the latest episode of "El Matador de Amor" (that cheating dumpkoff!! How could he do that to her!).
A small furry paw to hold as they trekked through the desert to civilization.
Someone to lean on (albeit that someone was very small) when the times got tough.
Someone who was his friend.
Someone who became family.
His eyes open.
"Oh"
Doofenshmirtz already knew the answer to his questions. It was just something he tried not to touch. He knew pain but this was different. Because despite the backstories that shaped him, despite the adversity he pushed through, the answer he was looking for at this moment had affected him more significantly than any of the previous issues had.
That answer was right in front of him after all. Immortalized in a material he designed to last to be remembered of what he had done and what he had lost. Even if its significance was understood by no one else but him.
"...I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much."
The corners of his lips turn upwards akin to something like a smile.
"I guess I'm lucky I found someone worth missing."
And then he left.
He necessarily didn't know what he was going to do from now on. But he's moving.
He hasn't yet fully comprehend what he found. But he found it.
The future was far off and uncertain, who knows what will happen? But he found the resolve to move forward.
And for now, that was enough.
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- Pronouns
- He/Him
All right folks. I do apologize for the long delay in updates. The bad news is that we started on the Janna interlude, then switched to Tobe. Then we got distracted by a secret project, then the Tobe interlude grew so long we decided it needed to be split up into parts, and still isn't finished.
The good news is...
The good news is...
- Location
- The great frozen north
This better not be an april fools joke. I know it's still the 31st here but the eastern hemisphere is already on the day of jokes. and I'm paranoid.
- Location
- Washington
That since Big Chungus has been added to a Looney Toons gacha that he is a viable Hero Unit. Way ahead of you.
weredrago2
"Cowabunga, Shadow the Hedgehog..."
- Location
- Florida
No no, we really did have to break that interlude into three parts. It's gonna be funny as hell when it drops, which is conveniently also around April Fool's.
However, that doesn't mean I didn't have plans for the holiday of shitposting. Stay tuned!
Tobe & Dakota & Cavendish's Excellent Adventure, Part 1- One Foot in the Future
- Pronouns
- He/Him
"Did you hear something?" Jing-Jing asked. "In the bushes over there."
"Eh, it was probably nothing." Tobe replied. "Stay focused."
For the last week, Tobe and the Vagabonds had been staking out the house of moderately-famous actor Orton Mahlson. In defiance of all sense, the man appeared to have avoided the vagaries of age for the last fifty years as he continued his cult classic series Dr. Zone across various timelines, incarnations, and reboots. And for some reason, Sensei Doof wanted to know how he'd done it. Tobe did not really understand how this related to DEI's broader policy objectives. But then he also did not understand what broader policy objectives were, so that was all right.
"Excuse me." A passerby asked, looking at the Vagabond's extremely-visible-from-the-back hiding spot with mild concern. "What are you four doing?"
"Uhhh… birdwatching." Jumong replied after a tense moment. Tobe held up his ninja binoculars.
"Birdwatching." The woman replied, not entirely convinced.
"Yeah um… I think I saw a yellow-crested Hermit Warbler over on the next street." Jing-Jing submitted.
"Wait really?!?" The woman replied, pulling out a camera and stumbling away excitedly. "I need that one for exotic bird bingo! Thanks for the tip!"
"...How did you know that was an actual rare bird?" Tobe asked.
"I have hobbies." Jing-Jing replied defensively.
"Er… fair enough." Tobe replied, his steadily growing skills intrigue skills and inherent ninjutsu danger sense alerting him to a potential minefield. "Regardless, good work! Now we can return to our very exciting ninja stakeout."
"C'mon boss, we've been staring at this house for ages." Binggure the clown ninja complained. "Can't we just walk in and ask the guy?"
"Absolutely not." Tobe replied. "We're right on the cusp of something important here. I can feel it."
---
"Did you hear something?" Cavendish asked.
Dakota shrugged. "Eh, it was probably nothing."
For the last three weeks, Dakota and Cavendish had been staking out the house of their former acquaintance and borderline plagarist Orton Mahlson, who had stolen their look and used it in his moderately memorable and extremely inaccurate Dr. Zone franchise.
"It sounded like someone was talking to that odd woman from inside that bush."
"The bush we're in right now?"
"No, that other bush, over by the front."
"What, you think Mr. Block assigned another bunch of agents to watch this house in case we massively screw this up?" Dakota derided. Then he stopped for a moment and considered the idea's genuine merit. "Wait, you don't think he actually did that, do you?" He asked worriedly.
"Nevermind that!" Cavendish said, pointing at the vehicle pulling into the driveway. "That's him! If he's really a Pistachion in disguise, then we cannot miss this opportunity to catch him in some form of incriminating situation!"
"Just like we couldn't miss the last seventeen chances?"
"Come along! We need to get closer to a window."
---
"Wait!" Tobe whisper-yelled. "Someone's pulling in! Could it be Mahlson?"
"Well unless he has an identical twin, I think we're good." Jumong the shaman replied, holding up a photograph of the man.
"Then this is the perfect opportunity to strike!"
"Why's this better than the other times?"
"Ninja's intuition." Tobe replied.
"I'll get the bandages." Jing-Jing agreed.
---
The four core members of the Vagabonds crept closer to the house, utterly unaware of the chronological pair doing the same on the building's other side. They encountered their first obstacle in the form of a locked front door.
"What do we do now, boss?" Binggure asked. "Break the door down?"
"Too many witnesses." Tobe replied, glancing shiftily at a small child riding past on her bike. "We're going to have to infiltrate."
"What?" Binggure asked.
"We'll try the back next."
---
"This should work." Cavendish said, slipping behind a small bench situated directly below a window. Dakota followed him just as the Vagabonds rounded the corner.
"Look." Cavendish whispered. "Can you see him in there?"
"The blinds are down, Cavendish."
"Then look harder!"
Mere moments after the two began intently staring at the window, the Vagabonds reached the back door.
"All right, let's try this one." Tobe said, jiggling the handle. It did not open, but the fearless leader was undeterred. "Don't worry! Out of view of the street, I'll simply pick the lock."
As Tobe pulled out an eight inch kunai and began trying to fit it into the lock, Jing-Jing sighed affectionately.
"This may take a while, guys."
"In that case, let's go sit down." Binggure complained. "We've been crouching in that bush for the last six hours."
"Wait for me!" Jumong added. The two ninja slouched across the lawn and flopped exhausted onto the bench.
"Ahhh." Binggure sighed in relief.
"Why are you so relaxed?" Cavendish admonished what he expected to be his partner.
"We just got a chance to cool off and relax." Jumong replied confusedly.
"That's exactly why I'm relaxing." Dakota told the one he assumed to be Cavendish. "Hey, you feelin' alright?"
"After this long of a stakeout? I'll be lucky if I can still walk." Binggure moaned.
"You should try to have more dedication to the mission." Cavendish chided absentmindedly. "Now help me peer into this completely opaque window."
"I thought we were going to try the door first." Jumong said.
"We already did, it's locked." Dakota noted.
"I know that!" Cavendish scoffed.
"I just thought we were gonna wait for the boss." Binggure replied.
"Good heavens no!" Cavendish recoiled in horror. "That's the last thing we want!"
Dakota frowned in confusion.
"Why not?" Jumong replied.
"We're one misstep away from being fired and you know it." Cavendish said.
"We are?!?" Biggure squeaked in terror and disappointment.
"Ehh, may have a point." Dakota admitted. "Even if we are his second and third best agents."
"Darn special favors…" Jumong muttered, looking at Jing-Jing gently explaining that the kunai was not going to fit into the hole to a Tobe who seemed determined to ram it in anyway.
"I think something really weird is going on." Dakota noted.
"Yeaaaaah." Jumong agreed.
"You're just being paranoid. Can't you think of anything else we could do to see what's happening inside?" Cavendish asked.
"Make up your mind!" Binggure said. Dakota, too busy ruffling in his tracksuit pockets, didn't hear him.
Dakota pulled out a small booklet. "We could try using this."
"Using what?" Binggure asked.
"The Pocket Guide to Home Invasions." Dakota explained, showing the cover off. "Now with a free iron file on the inside cover! Neat."
"When did you get a hold of that?" Cavendish asked incredulously.
"Back when we were in 2007, so it should still be good." Dakota replied.
Cavendish and Dakota began scrutinizing the document.
"Can I see it?" Jumong asked hopefully.
"See what?" Binggure asked.
"The book! C'mon man! Don't hold out on me! You know I failed Violent Entry back in ninja school!" Jumong replied, turning to look at his friend.
"Don't turn the page so fast!" Cavendish complained.
"Then don't read so slow!" Dakota retorted.
Jumong saw his friend's lips not moving. For a moment he seemed very confused. Then, his eyes widened and he chuckled.
"Heh. Man, can't believe I almost fell for that. You got me! April Fools and all. Your ventriloquism act has gotten a lot better Bing."
Binggure blinked confusedly. "Uh, thanks I guess??? But I should really be complimenting your magic voice throwing. It's gotten waaay better since the tiki duck thing. Real props."
"Aw, thanks." Jumong blushed.
Dakota looked up from the booklet, brow furrowed.
"Cavendish, I've been hearing voices."
"That would explain a lot." Cavendish snarked.
"No seriously! ...I think somebody else might be here." he whispered.
"All right, fine." Cavendish replied, turning around in a huff. "If it'll make you feel better I'll-"
Cavendish's eyes bugged as he took in the two reclining ninja just inches from his head.
"Hey, you stopped talking." Dakota noted. "That's not like you. Is something wrong?"
"Whaddya mean?" Binggure asked. "You were the one talking."
"I was... what are you talking about Caven-?"
Cavendish turned Dakota's head around and in the same motion slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Ohhhp." Came Dakota's muffled reply.
"What the heck is even going on?" Binggure asked, fed up.
"Ahhehehehe!" Cavendish chuckled, thinking quickly. "Oh, just... joshing you old friend, giving you the ring around the rosie, as it were. Just faffing about, had a slight malfunction, but everything's all tickey-boo now. Tickey-boo, everything's all tickey-boo here, thank you.
"...how are you?" He finished lamely.
There was a brief pause.
"I'm doing great, thanks for asking!" Jumong said.
"I still don't understand what just happened, but I'm having a nice day too!" Binggure replied.
Cavendish and Dakota both breathed a sigh of relief just as Tobe and Jing-Jing walked over.
"I can't believe that work- uh oh." Dakota whispered.
"Hey guys, scooch over!" Tobe demanded, sliding onto the too-small bench as Jing-Jing stared blankly at the two people blatantly crouching behind it. "Turns out the door is uh, lockpicking-resistant, so new plan: we're all just gonna ram it at once and bust in."
Jing-Jing continued staring.
"Hey uh, what is it sweetie?" Tobe asked from behind his mask. "Do I have something in my teeth?"
After a moment the three ninja on the bench turned around.
The universe took a deep, gleeful breath.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"Oh boy." Dakota and Jing-Jing said at the exact same time.
"Eh, it was probably nothing." Tobe replied. "Stay focused."
For the last week, Tobe and the Vagabonds had been staking out the house of moderately-famous actor Orton Mahlson. In defiance of all sense, the man appeared to have avoided the vagaries of age for the last fifty years as he continued his cult classic series Dr. Zone across various timelines, incarnations, and reboots. And for some reason, Sensei Doof wanted to know how he'd done it. Tobe did not really understand how this related to DEI's broader policy objectives. But then he also did not understand what broader policy objectives were, so that was all right.
"Excuse me." A passerby asked, looking at the Vagabond's extremely-visible-from-the-back hiding spot with mild concern. "What are you four doing?"
"Uhhh… birdwatching." Jumong replied after a tense moment. Tobe held up his ninja binoculars.
"Birdwatching." The woman replied, not entirely convinced.
"Yeah um… I think I saw a yellow-crested Hermit Warbler over on the next street." Jing-Jing submitted.
"Wait really?!?" The woman replied, pulling out a camera and stumbling away excitedly. "I need that one for exotic bird bingo! Thanks for the tip!"
"...How did you know that was an actual rare bird?" Tobe asked.
"I have hobbies." Jing-Jing replied defensively.
"Er… fair enough." Tobe replied, his steadily growing skills intrigue skills and inherent ninjutsu danger sense alerting him to a potential minefield. "Regardless, good work! Now we can return to our very exciting ninja stakeout."
"C'mon boss, we've been staring at this house for ages." Binggure the clown ninja complained. "Can't we just walk in and ask the guy?"
"Absolutely not." Tobe replied. "We're right on the cusp of something important here. I can feel it."
---
"Did you hear something?" Cavendish asked.
Dakota shrugged. "Eh, it was probably nothing."
For the last three weeks, Dakota and Cavendish had been staking out the house of their former acquaintance and borderline plagarist Orton Mahlson, who had stolen their look and used it in his moderately memorable and extremely inaccurate Dr. Zone franchise.
"It sounded like someone was talking to that odd woman from inside that bush."
"The bush we're in right now?"
"No, that other bush, over by the front."
"What, you think Mr. Block assigned another bunch of agents to watch this house in case we massively screw this up?" Dakota derided. Then he stopped for a moment and considered the idea's genuine merit. "Wait, you don't think he actually did that, do you?" He asked worriedly.
"Nevermind that!" Cavendish said, pointing at the vehicle pulling into the driveway. "That's him! If he's really a Pistachion in disguise, then we cannot miss this opportunity to catch him in some form of incriminating situation!"
"Just like we couldn't miss the last seventeen chances?"
"Come along! We need to get closer to a window."
---
"Wait!" Tobe whisper-yelled. "Someone's pulling in! Could it be Mahlson?"
"Well unless he has an identical twin, I think we're good." Jumong the shaman replied, holding up a photograph of the man.
"Then this is the perfect opportunity to strike!"
"Why's this better than the other times?"
"Ninja's intuition." Tobe replied.
"I'll get the bandages." Jing-Jing agreed.
---
The four core members of the Vagabonds crept closer to the house, utterly unaware of the chronological pair doing the same on the building's other side. They encountered their first obstacle in the form of a locked front door.
"What do we do now, boss?" Binggure asked. "Break the door down?"
"Too many witnesses." Tobe replied, glancing shiftily at a small child riding past on her bike. "We're going to have to infiltrate."
"What?" Binggure asked.
"We'll try the back next."
---
"This should work." Cavendish said, slipping behind a small bench situated directly below a window. Dakota followed him just as the Vagabonds rounded the corner.
"Look." Cavendish whispered. "Can you see him in there?"
"The blinds are down, Cavendish."
"Then look harder!"
Mere moments after the two began intently staring at the window, the Vagabonds reached the back door.
"All right, let's try this one." Tobe said, jiggling the handle. It did not open, but the fearless leader was undeterred. "Don't worry! Out of view of the street, I'll simply pick the lock."
As Tobe pulled out an eight inch kunai and began trying to fit it into the lock, Jing-Jing sighed affectionately.
"This may take a while, guys."
"In that case, let's go sit down." Binggure complained. "We've been crouching in that bush for the last six hours."
"Wait for me!" Jumong added. The two ninja slouched across the lawn and flopped exhausted onto the bench.
"Ahhh." Binggure sighed in relief.
"Why are you so relaxed?" Cavendish admonished what he expected to be his partner.
"We just got a chance to cool off and relax." Jumong replied confusedly.
"That's exactly why I'm relaxing." Dakota told the one he assumed to be Cavendish. "Hey, you feelin' alright?"
"After this long of a stakeout? I'll be lucky if I can still walk." Binggure moaned.
"You should try to have more dedication to the mission." Cavendish chided absentmindedly. "Now help me peer into this completely opaque window."
"I thought we were going to try the door first." Jumong said.
"We already did, it's locked." Dakota noted.
"I know that!" Cavendish scoffed.
"I just thought we were gonna wait for the boss." Binggure replied.
"Good heavens no!" Cavendish recoiled in horror. "That's the last thing we want!"
Dakota frowned in confusion.
"Why not?" Jumong replied.
"We're one misstep away from being fired and you know it." Cavendish said.
"We are?!?" Biggure squeaked in terror and disappointment.
"Ehh, may have a point." Dakota admitted. "Even if we are his second and third best agents."
"Darn special favors…" Jumong muttered, looking at Jing-Jing gently explaining that the kunai was not going to fit into the hole to a Tobe who seemed determined to ram it in anyway.
"I think something really weird is going on." Dakota noted.
"Yeaaaaah." Jumong agreed.
"You're just being paranoid. Can't you think of anything else we could do to see what's happening inside?" Cavendish asked.
"Make up your mind!" Binggure said. Dakota, too busy ruffling in his tracksuit pockets, didn't hear him.
Dakota pulled out a small booklet. "We could try using this."
"Using what?" Binggure asked.
"The Pocket Guide to Home Invasions." Dakota explained, showing the cover off. "Now with a free iron file on the inside cover! Neat."
"When did you get a hold of that?" Cavendish asked incredulously.
"Back when we were in 2007, so it should still be good." Dakota replied.
Cavendish and Dakota began scrutinizing the document.
"Can I see it?" Jumong asked hopefully.
"See what?" Binggure asked.
"The book! C'mon man! Don't hold out on me! You know I failed Violent Entry back in ninja school!" Jumong replied, turning to look at his friend.
"Don't turn the page so fast!" Cavendish complained.
"Then don't read so slow!" Dakota retorted.
Jumong saw his friend's lips not moving. For a moment he seemed very confused. Then, his eyes widened and he chuckled.
"Heh. Man, can't believe I almost fell for that. You got me! April Fools and all. Your ventriloquism act has gotten a lot better Bing."
Binggure blinked confusedly. "Uh, thanks I guess??? But I should really be complimenting your magic voice throwing. It's gotten waaay better since the tiki duck thing. Real props."
"Aw, thanks." Jumong blushed.
Dakota looked up from the booklet, brow furrowed.
"Cavendish, I've been hearing voices."
"That would explain a lot." Cavendish snarked.
"No seriously! ...I think somebody else might be here." he whispered.
"All right, fine." Cavendish replied, turning around in a huff. "If it'll make you feel better I'll-"
Cavendish's eyes bugged as he took in the two reclining ninja just inches from his head.
"Hey, you stopped talking." Dakota noted. "That's not like you. Is something wrong?"
"Whaddya mean?" Binggure asked. "You were the one talking."
"I was... what are you talking about Caven-?"
Cavendish turned Dakota's head around and in the same motion slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Ohhhp." Came Dakota's muffled reply.
"What the heck is even going on?" Binggure asked, fed up.
"Ahhehehehe!" Cavendish chuckled, thinking quickly. "Oh, just... joshing you old friend, giving you the ring around the rosie, as it were. Just faffing about, had a slight malfunction, but everything's all tickey-boo now. Tickey-boo, everything's all tickey-boo here, thank you.
"...how are you?" He finished lamely.
There was a brief pause.
"I'm doing great, thanks for asking!" Jumong said.
"I still don't understand what just happened, but I'm having a nice day too!" Binggure replied.
Cavendish and Dakota both breathed a sigh of relief just as Tobe and Jing-Jing walked over.
"I can't believe that work- uh oh." Dakota whispered.
"Hey guys, scooch over!" Tobe demanded, sliding onto the too-small bench as Jing-Jing stared blankly at the two people blatantly crouching behind it. "Turns out the door is uh, lockpicking-resistant, so new plan: we're all just gonna ram it at once and bust in."
Jing-Jing continued staring.
"Hey uh, what is it sweetie?" Tobe asked from behind his mask. "Do I have something in my teeth?"
After a moment the three ninja on the bench turned around.
The universe took a deep, gleeful breath.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"Oh boy." Dakota and Jing-Jing said at the exact same time.
Last edited:
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Don't worry Tobe, the thread doesn't understand how this relates either. And I say that as the person who got us into this action in the first place.
ExNihilo
SPACE!
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
DEI's broader policy objectives are to be entertaining. This is.
∴
QED.
- Location
- Two hours away
- Pronouns
- He/Him
mangawriter77
Otaku^9000 (In my own opinion)
- Location
- You'll neeever guess
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Jing-Jing: My life. In a nutshell. Right here
Dakota: Amen, my sister. Amen.
TimEd
Meteor maker
Wooow, I think we found a paradox.
Bones
Don't look behind you.
- Location
- Behind you.
He was also mentioned earlier when Russ reported to his superiors.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Where? Could you link that? It doesn't seem to be in "What's Up Doc?"
- Location
- USA
There is also an ancestor of Mr. Block in the present that works for the government.
Bones
Don't look behind you.
- Location
- Behind you.
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest Crossover
What are you going to do today?
forums.sufficientvelocity.com
Riddle mentions Cage, Tricky, and Mr. Block as Directors of the other Departments. Riddle's from WITCH, Block as covered is from Milo Murphy's Law, but I don't believe we ever conclusively figured out the other two.