He's much more likely to play the stock market to make millions off of it, while warning the U.S. government, because that is an institution he actually cares about, and logically speaking them catastrophically failing at everything would be bad (to day the least) for business.
Eh. We can live with that.

Besides, a single turn of Probabilitinator isn't going to bring down any kings unless they were doing nothing but extremely risky actions. Given that Shego and the others presumably choose their National Actions, they presumably choose them using criteria similar to our own- namely, they choose actions that are more likely than not to succeed.

Also, Xanatos making millions off the stock market is a given; I even know exactly how he's gonna do it.

"Long iron butterflies" are a stock futures instrument designed to invest in volatility- that is, you make a profit regardless of whether the stock prices go up or down, as long as they do not stay the same. Under these circumstances, that's a good bet for Xanatos!
 
What exactly does Heinz Doofenschmirtz do at Doofenschmirtz Evil Incorporated?
That's already been answered. :p

Somehow, mostly without him noticing, DEI went from an ongoing joke to a technological wunderkind. You can see the process of how this happened to some degree with the dinosaurs- DEI acquires some new tech, Doof screws around with it for a few hours, the 'pencil pushers' study the detritus and one of Doof's Hero Units takes charge and next thing you know DEI is making multi-millions off a resurrected triceratops puppy.
 
So wait, L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. and O.W.C.A are still actively working to foil each other despite both working for us? That's so...inefficient!
 
So wait, L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. and O.W.C.A are still actively working to foil each other despite both working for us? That's so...inefficient!
Do remember that before CJ was created and Doof made up with his brother, the CEO couldn't even run the business side of his properly. This "company" is such a hodgeposh of randomness that there are probably inefficiencies like that everywhere.
 
Tobe and the Vagabond Ninja: Tobe and his crew occasionally enter brief but furious rivalry with someone chosen at random. In terms of actually contributing to society, they rarely if ever do anything productive. They're not called the Stable Housing Ninja, after all.
Tobe: "AHA! I have tracked you down at last... little blonde girl Susy! We shall see just who is the cutest person in all of Doofania. Our battle will be legendary!"
Susie: "Mhm, yeah, could you just pwease hold my poodle for me first mister~? She loves being close to morons"
Tobe:"Oh, of course little girl! Wait, what did you say--OH GOD NOT THE FACE, NOT THE FACE!!"
 
Adhoc vote count started by Ashen Cross on Nov 19, 2020 at 6:55 AM, finished with 456 posts and 46 votes.

  • [X] Make XanaDoof canon
    [X] More Janna.
    [X] Plan: Reminisce
    -[X] Martial: Wriggle pointlessly against the nanometer-flush confines of your crystal
    -[X] Diplomacy: Gaze sightlessly at whatever may be outside of your crystal
    -[X] Stewardship: Try to remember the taste of Snookers bars
    -[X] Intrigue: Try to guess who might be standing outside of your crystal
    -[X] Learning: Attempt to invent new forms of math while bound immobile in your crystal
    -[X] Occult: Try to break out of your crystal
    -[X] Personal 1: Wonder what happened to Queen Moon
    -[X] Personal 2: Wonder what happened to your husband
    -[X] Personal 3: Wonder what sort of ruler your daughter was after you
    -[X] Personal 4: Wonder what Glossaryck, the only friend you ever had who is still alive after hundreds of years, is up to right now the old scamp
    -[X] Hero: No
    [X] Wendy Wower
    [X] Make SheDoof canon
    [x] Star Botterfly
    [X] Robo Astley
    [X] Make more jokevotes to go with Arathorn's Queen Eclipsa Questthingy!
    [X] Take the cold out of MiH's head and put it in technor to give him the trait "coolant heads prevail"
    [x] Add Dooftos as a tag
    [X] Try to flush out the remaining cactus juice... by licking something stuck to the wall of a cave
    [X] Hire Big Mitch to break 626 off whatever desert asteroid GalFed banished him to.
    [X] Consider the creation of Supytalp eht Yrrep.
    [X] Candice. Wake up from your dream, from the realization that Ket is lying on you, and with a strange look looks at you. Arrange peepers.
    [X] Ban all ships involving Marco Ubaldo Diaz
    [X] Make Jar Jar Binks a secret threat Coming after us
    [X] Janna takes over the quest and kills off Toffee offscreen
    [X] Arathnorn takes over and writes Eclipsa Quest.
    [X] Kiss Him, You Fool
    [x] Release the Cracken.
    [X] Borrow the Uburnium generator from the GalFed ship we stole and hook it up to MiH's house.
    [X] Tell Technor to steal power from somewhere else.
    [X] Mount a rescue operation to retrieve C-Moon from Bill's clutches.
    [X] Plan Actually Insane Actions
    -[X] Summon Demons (Hego)
    -[X] Study Dance Magic (Technor)
    -[X] Build a personal suit of power armor (Dennis)
    -[X] Stop paying your taxes (Russ)
    -[X] Revamp Bueno Nacho (LOVEMUFFIN)
    -[X] Assault a Rival (Major Monogram)
    --[X] Bill
    [X] Make DooGo Cannon
    [X] Summon Stand: [Made In Heaven] to erase Pony Head from existence.
    [x] Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers


Winning vote: no one.
Losing vote: everyone.

Hello everyone, I'm back!
 
Crisis: Twelfth Night- Terce
The deafening beat of over two hundred wings filled the air in a cacophony as over a hundred gargoyles came soaring down from the high roofs of nearby buildings and skyscrapers. Roaring and growling, armed with weapons both medieval and modern, the red-eyed monsters were hungry for war.

War was underway.

Demona's Horde Martial Check: Fight through outer defenses!
DC 100/130
90+33+40(Strength in Numbers)=163
Success!

Automated weapon batteries swiveled back and forth in an attempt to lock on to the oncoming horde, but the gargoyles twisted and turned on the air currents like a flock of starlings. Some of the invaders were shot down, but their tight air formations confused the targeting systems and prevented the turrets from getting a lock on them as they split apart and flowed together with ease.

Demona's Horde Martial Roll:
51+33+40 (Strength in Numbers)= 121
Janna contest: 3+13+12+7+44=79
Success!

The gargoyle horde shifted in an instant, barrelling for the street faster than the party could hope to react. Xanatos' hired goons rushed out to fight back, but were pushed to the building's entrance as dozens of off-colored foes pressed in from every angle.

Janna Martial Check: 57+13+12+7+44=133
Demona's Horde Opposed: 30+33+40=103
Success!

Tom's eyes glowed a burning red, a single hand raised in concentration as a pillar of flame burst into being around the door, sending out echoing cries of fear among the throng of enemies. A few of the gargoyles flung themselves through the fire, forcing Janna to drive them back with blasts from Felldrake. The odor of burning flesh permeated the air.

"Okay, we hold this perimeter." Janna said, her head whipping back and forth. "Tom, good work on the firewall."

"I'd like to see them get past this!" Tom said with a grin.

Demona's Horde Martial Check: Get Past This
DC 120
54+33+35+15(They Have Rocket Launchers)=137

"Aaaand they… they have rocket launchers," Marco said in resignation as a handful of uniquely kitted gargoyles created an alternate means of egress. A cloud of dust and debris billowed out over the entire group. "Of course they do."

Dracon Mob Martial Check: Stem the Tide
92+21+20+15(mob mentality)=148
Demona's Horde Opposed Check: 61+33+35=129
Dracon success!

Gargoyles started pouring through the breach, forcing the mobsters and the Goon Squad to defend the interior of the compound. They weren't trained to fight monsters, but they held the line as if running wasn't an option. They put up stiff resistance, and Tom and Marco used the opportunity they were given.

Tom and Marco combat check: 33+44+29+7=113
Horde Opposed: 15+33+35=83
Success!

"All right Tom." Marco said, snapping open the case on his back. "Let's go for the old hotfoot."

"The… the what?"

"C'mon man we talked about this!" Marco whined. "That thing you did with your insoles. Just… just make me look cool."

"Oh! Right, right." Tom said, slapping his own forehead. "Sorry, I never realized you were being serious about that."

Tom delicately waved his fingers over Marco's sneakers. A moment later they seemed to catch alight, leaving a flaming imprint with every step Marco took. Flipping open the case, he pulled out an enormous, cherry-red chainsaw, which he proceeded to rev.

"That is completely impractical." Lizzy pointed out.

"Maybe. But it's also terrifying." Marco replied, flipping up his hood.

A second later he was in the midst of the horde, chain flashing, every step leaving an imprint like, well… like a demon from hell. As smoke continued to rise up around them, several of the Gargoyles displayed their inexperience, breaking and fleeing in the face of violent dismemberment and hellfire.

Janna threw up her hands. "Okay fine, I admit it, the Cazador thing isn't completely lame!"

"Why thank-look out!"

Demona's Horde Martial Roll:6+33+30=69
Janna contest: 40+26+44=110
Failure!

A particularly large gargoyle warrior broke through the circle, aiming for Lizzy. Before he could reach her, Marco slammed him to the ground, where the gargoyle felt the press of thousands of tiny scrabbling legs.

Lizzy's ants started biting, and the gargoyle screamed. Marco winced.

"Gonna repress that image." Tom said cheerfully. "All right, what's next?"

A strange mechanical whoosh filled the air.

"Probably whatever that is."

Learning Check: Recognize the sound
DC 60
43+7+30=80

"Waaaait a minute." Janna squinted. A score of black objects soared into view, weaving between the buildings of New York on a very obvious course for the bunker. They looked like hovercraft. They looked like…

"Isn't that… the Huntsclan?"

"The Huntsclan?!" Marco asked. "I thought they hated anything not human."

Huntsmaster Martial check: 82+30+10+20=142
Demona's Horde contest: 31+33+30=94
Success!

A broadside of laser fire poured down over the monstrous throng.

"Yep, seems like it." Janna agreed.

"Do we… really want to team up with these guys?" Marco asked.

"Do you wanna go over there and ask them to stop helping?"

"Point."

Janna Martial Check: 2+13+12+7+44= 78
Demona's Horde Opposed: 37+33+25=95
Failure!

Janna drew back to cast another spell, but a gargoyles managed to grab ahold of Feldrake!

"Oof! Hey! Get your claws off me, you batbrain!" The staff whined.

Janna engaged in a furious tug of war with a six foot winged monster. But even as Janna struggled, a figure leapt down into the fray.

Huntsmaster Martial check: 92+30+10+20=152
Demona's Horde contest: 61+33+30=124
Success

A bright green bolt of energy impacted the gargoyle side, causing it to flinch. A moment later it screamed in pain as a bone-white spear pierced its back.

Janna yanked Feldrake out of the dying gargoyle's grip and looked warily at her savior. The spear was held by a broad-shouldered man dressed in the magenta uniform of the Hunsclan, topped by an enormous dragon's skull. His face beneath it was masked in darkness, invisible except for a pair of red, glowing eyes.

"Soooo." Janna said. "Are you in charge of the Volkssturm brigade here?"

The man ripped his spear out of the gargoyle, drawing a sickening squelch as it dislodged itself from muscle and bone.

"I am the Huntsmaster."

"Gonna take that as a yes."

The Huntsmaster glanced over each member of the party in turn.

"I do not know who you are, but if you will stay out of my way and keep your demon under control, I will deal with these pests for you."

"Hey!" Tom said. "I've been taking anger management for years and, you know what, I'm proud of that!"

Janna frowned. "Fine, but only because we have bigger things to deal with. What are you even doing here?"

"We discovered evidence of these monsters' assault tonight and saw an opportunity. Their kind are rarely brave enough to slink out of the shadows."

"Uh huh, sure." Lizzy said, clearly unimpressed. "Are they any other unexpected flying allies we should know about?"

There was a noise. Lizzy looked up.

"Oh dear, are we late? I think we're late."

"We're definitely late, Grimmy."

A witch's broomstick screeched to a halt as a pair of pink and blue warlocks joined the party.

"This is the Crystal Ball's fault, you know. It foretold we had time to stop for a snack. It always makes us late!"

"Don't you talk to me about timing." The Crystal Ball said. "You know what they say about timing."

"You two?" Janna asked dubiously. "What are you doing here?"

Hildy Gloom waved. "Our dear friend Mr. Xanatos asked us if he could help him out with a teensy pest problem!"

They paused briefly as the Huntsclan began opening fire on the gargoyle horde once again. Grim glanced over the throng of maddened gargoyles.

"...is that the one?"

"Yeah." Janna replied.

"I can see why he asked for help." Grim noted.

"Right well, we'd best get started then." Hildy rolled up her sleeves and began to wave her wand.

Hildy and Janna Occult check:
79+20+13+12+7=131
Demona's Horde contest: 5+33+30=68
Huge Success!

Rocketing through the air on Beelzebub, Hildy and Grim began raining spellfire and explosive potions down on the horde. A moment later, Janna leapt onto Leopold and followed after them, taking out gargoyles distracted by the Hunstclan.

Lizzy Martial Roll: 67+13+12+7+26=125
Demona's Horde contest: 6+33+25-5=59
Critical Success!

With a new front to fight on and destruction in their midst, the gargoyles had almost completely forgotten about the people blocking them from entering the building. This was a grave mistake. With a disturbing chattering noise, Lizzy called a pair of ant droids to her side.

"You brought them with you??" Tom asked, half confused and half concerned.

"They get lonely." Lizzy replied tonelessly, before waving a hand and sending the massive exoskeletons into combat. The remaining mobsters took this as a clear sign to launch an assault of their own, pressing the horde on all sides. Surrounded, inexperienced, and lacking a way out, the gargoyles began to panic.

"...We may actually win this." Lizzy said tonelessly.

Janna paused.

"Does saying it sarcastically mean we're safe?" Janna asked.

"I wasn't being sarcastic."

A dark blue VTOL let off a volley of laser fire, clearing the way for it to land in the middle of the active battlefield. The backdoor of the ship dropped down, revealing a grey mutant man with canine features, two cyborg warriors with gold armor, and a man in a flashy, striped animal costume backed by a pair of revived thylacines. They were all armed with heavy weapons, gazing out over the carnage with a smug air.

"Did somebody call for reinforcements?" the wolf mutant shouted over the fire.

"Oh good!" Tom said. "That's us!"

The four of them then turned their weapons on him. The cyborg woman cackled.

"That's just too bad! Ah ha haha!!"

Janna pulled out her phone. "I should probably make a call."
 
Hmm, well the Glooms and the Pack. Well, Xanatos managed the pack well enough in series, I just hope his arrangement with the Glooms is tempory. I still want them.

Also the Huntsclan is here, and while useful, can't trust them. They would reroute Demona's plan in a heartbeat to attack magical things.
 
I count 4 horde successes (3 and one of our failures) compared to five of our successes, one of which was a crit, and a dracon gang success and two huntsclan successes. putting the total score at 8-4, not bad.
 
Okay, seriously. We need to get those mandatory Narrative Timing company seminars uderway ASAP.

In unrelated news, the Grimms continue to be surprisingly hypercompetent (well, at least compared to what we expected of them). Maybe they're under the Team Rocket effect that means they can actually be competent when fighting against a greater Evil?
 
Last edited:
Back
Top