Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

"Keiko!" Hazō exclaimed, seeing one of his top five favourite (and top five non-abstractly scary) people in the world duck beneath the flap of the tent. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I wasn't expecting to see you here. I thought you'd be… busy with Shikamaru."

Next to Hazō, Mari gave a salacious grin. It said something about the length of their relationship, and all the suffering inflicted therein, that she didn't even need to say anything for the rest of the clan to read her mind.

"I will thank you to keep your inappropriate implications to yourself," Keiko snapped. "I have merely entrusted his body to another while I assist you with the state of helpless confusion into which you have doubtless descended in my absence."

Hazō rolled his eyes, while Noburi gave Keiko a puzzled look.

"His 'body'?" he asked. "You didn't put him out of his misery or anything, right? Because while the show of initiative is amazing, I don't think this is the right time for a clan coup."

"I reserve my homicidal urges for those who deserve them," Keiko said. "Shikamaru has merely fallen asleep, or collapsed, or some unlabelled intermediate state between the two—an experience familiar to anyone who has studied for Mori internal examinations, and thus known to be largely harmless. Insofar as the clan can survive for a few hours without my professional expertise, I have left Tenten to see to his welfare."

"Tenten?" Hazō asked, keeping the scepticism from his voice. She and Shikamaru had Keiko in common, as her husband and lover respectively, but other than that…

"Are you sure it's all right to get a clanless ninja—actually, now I think of it, does that make her your subordinate?—to walk into the heart of a clan's administration and take over the consort's duties? I think if it were me, I'd feel very uncomfortable about leaving someone from outside the clan with sole access to all my documents and private quarters and so forth."

Keiko shrugged. "By this point, Shikamaru has come to trust all three of us implicitly. Not that it is a decision that requires justification, nor one germane to the discussion at hand."

All three of them? For some reason, that caught Hazō's attention. Why would a third person be relevant to the assertion that Shikamaru trusted Keiko and Tenten? And be spoken of as part of the same group?

A wild idea crossed Hazō's mind, one ridiculous enough that he almost dismissed it without a second thought. But then, if Keiko, whom less than a year ago he believed to be too emotionally withdrawn to be able to make a normal romantic connection with someone (her devastating crush on Mari having special circumstances he still didn't quite understand), was now both happily married and deeply (and requitedly) in love… maybe it was a good idea to rethink what he thought he knew about her.

Of course, last time he'd done that, he'd assumed that she was dating Shikamaru, as opposed to just spending time together in order to facilitate greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, arranged in anticipation of a potential long-term relationship. That had been deeply, deeply embarrassing, especially since it ended up putting him on Kagome's level of sensitivity. Since then, he'd thought about what he'd done wrong, and finally hit upon a dazzlingly ingenious solution, one which even the most insightful of Jiraiya's characters had never managed.

"What do you mean, all three of us?" he asked straight-out.

"The complexities of my love life remain irrelevant at this time," Keiko said coolly, but with less defensiveness than Hazō was used to. "I would be perfectly willing to discuss them when the global geopolitical situation finally stabilises, which is to say at some point later this decade.

"Although," she reflected, "if Leaf were annihilated within the year, which remains entirely plausible, the process would be greatly accelerated. The easiest way to simplify an equation is to remove one of the terms. In that event, supposing all parties involved, and yourself, somehow survived, I suppose I would be able to indulge your curiosity sooner."

Said curiosity remained piqued, and not just because it gave Hazō's brain time off from pondering how to solve the very real and urgent problems facing the Gōketsu and Leaf, as well as from keeping half an eye out for contaminated alien thoughts that could doom them all.

He risked a glance around the tent. Mari's expression, of course, hadn't changed. If it had something to do with interpersonal relations, she already knew about it, and had quite possibly arranged for it to come into being in the first place. He didn't know where her manipulative limits lay anymore, and that was a frightening thought he wasn't going to pursue further. Akane had an expression of dawning realisation. Noburi was frowning as if also trying to work it out. Kagome didn't seem to have any particular response. Fifi was giving an apathetic yawn from her position at Kagome's feet, showing more teeth than any mammal should ever have.

Whom else would Shikamaru and Keiko have in common? Keiko's list of friends and close acquaintances was conveniently short. Yamanaka and Akimichi were, as far as Hazō knew, not on it. Having paid perhaps a little more attention than he should have to Yamanaka at the gaming nights, he didn't get the impression of any kind of personal connection. Since Akimichi was often not far away, Hazō got to observe the same. Come to think of it, that was strange in and of itself, that Keiko wouldn't make the effort to bond with Shikamaru's closest friends. But it was at least in character, unlike her love life.

The terrifying thought occurred to him that it could be Mori. He didn't think Keiko was dating her own sister (though as someone whose sister was also his ex, he wasn't sure he'd have the right to comment if she was), but if Mori was dating Shikamaru, and Keiko was dating Tenten, and Tenten also had some kind of connection to Shikamaru, as Keiko was implying, then you'd have a stable… no. He just wasn't going to go there. He was fine with potentially being possessed by unspeakable horrors that transcended reality itself, but the idea of Mori and Shikamaru dating filled his mind with visceral dread.

Who else? The gaming nights might serve as a good clue, since pretty much everyone Keiko knew attended those. She seemed to have struck up some kind of friendship with Hanabi (which, now he thought of it, this could be a good time to exploit). She and Aburame seemed to approve of each other, based on some particularly painful alliances, but he didn't notice any particular emotion there. Then there was that one girl…

Nara Shiori, who had originally been his representative, but now turned up alongside him. She seemed to have a passionate vendetta against Keiko, which Keiko responded to with subtle mockery and occasional vicious deadpan. Then again, that was very similar to Noburi's relationship with Hyūga, and if that was romantic…

"Hazō," Keiko said anxiously. "Hazō, how did we impress Mari in the Swamp of Death?"

Hazō frowned. "We… gave her a giant chakra alligator. I'm not going to forget that thing in a hurry. Why do you ask?"

"To confirm that you are still someone who retains Hazō's memories," Keiko said. "I imagine that rules out very little, but it is at least mildly reassuring."

"But what did I do?"

"You were gazing into the distance, and then you turned to look at Noburi in a somewhat alarming fashion."

"I was just deep in thought!" Hazō said with irritation. "What am I supposed to do, carry a sign saying, 'Thinking in progress; probably not possessed by monsters; please stand by'?"

"Perhaps we could adapt the Nara sign."

Hazō sighed. "Look, you're the one who said we should move on to serious conversation. Can we do that?"

"Certainly. I assume you are concerned about Hidden Rock's military action, or lack thereof?"

"That's right," Hazō said. "If they were the attackers, why are they helping us undo their work? If they weren't the attackers, that still doesn't explain them turning up to help us. They're even treating civilians the way Leaf does, which is to say with a bare minimum of respect, as opposed to treating them like thinking cattle the way Mist does."

"When in Tanzaku Gai, don't swat a fly," Akane said.

Everyone gave her blank looks.

"What? It's a common expression. The land around Tanzaku Gai was Aburame territory when the castle was first built, so if you did anything the Aburame might disapprove of, the daimyo would come down on you hard before the Aburame found out and came down on him hard. So maybe they're mimicking Leaf values because they don't want to make trouble."

"That would make sense," Hazō conceded. "But it just pushes the question back a step. Why are Rock here, and making an effort not to cause trouble—and I'm pretty sure ninja acknowledging civilian needs like that is an effort for most ninja. Honestly, when you compare us, plus Mori's stuff with common-born ninja's families, with the rest of Leaf…"

"Tell me about it," Noburi said. "Sometimes a man just wants to have a relaxed cup of tea with a cute girl, without having fawning shopkeepers bowing and scraping around them all the time because they're half terrified and half craving your favour. It's a lot less relaxing when she's constantly got her hand on her axe because she's not used to being surrounded by strangers."

"Quite," Keiko agreed. "If I ever learn whose idea it was to establish what is now the Nara Keiko Fan Club… well, suffice it to say that T&I have recently updated their catalogue."

Hazō carefully did not shiver. If Keiko ever raised the topic with her sister…

Maybe he could treat the octocat as a favour, and call it in to swear her to secrecy. Especially after she'd nearly got them both killed by bringing the thing to a public space.

Of course, not wanting the secret to spread would require being alone with Mori. In his present condition. No, it would be better to resign himself to his fate now, and make sure the others knew enough about his longer-term Uplift plans that they could carry on without him.

"We're getting sidetracked," Hazō said. "I've actually been thinking about Akatsuki. They've been suspiciously quiet since Nagi Island. Suppose they hit both us and Rock, and now the Rock survivors are playing nice with us because they're desperate. Or maybe Akatsuki have already taken them over, and this whole thing is their project for building world peace up from the ashes. The idea of using unprecedentedly powerful weapons of mass destruction to ensure a peaceful future for all of humanity sounds entirely like their MO."

"I dunno," Noburi said. "I don't see it. They don't need to knock down all the clan houses to dominate us. By all accounts, they can go through jōnin like rice crackers. The bastards even got Captain Kakashi, and that guy was a monster. If they wanted Leaf to go down, they'd target the people who could realistically stop them, which is to say Naruto, Tsunade, and Orochimaru. They've got Uchiha Itachi to tell them where everything is, but they didn't touch the Uzumaki house, and Tsunade's fine even though she was away from Leaf without any fire support to speak of."

"Also, the Rock ninja sure don't look dominated," Mari added. "If they were here under duress, I doubt every single one of them would be good enough to hide it from me. They aren't acting like people who just lost their homes and families, either."

"All right," Hazō said. "Let's set the Akatsuki idea aside for a moment, then. Assuming this is Rock's own plan, from a position of strength, then what's their play? They're not after destroying Leaf, or they'd have done it already. They're not moving in and taking all our stuff. But on the other hand, they're not leaving us alone as a crippled state that doesn't matter anymore, the way Sand is right now. They're being kind, and helpful, and coincidentally building a heavily-fortified outpost within an uncomfortable distance of Leaf."

"Which is to say in the Fire Country," Noburi chipped in.

"That. Obviously, they're not ruling out military force altogether."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Kagome asked unexpectedly. "Those stinkers are trying to get us to lower our guard, and then they come in with the lupchanzen, or the soul-twisters, or the genjutsu—no offence, Mari—and bam! Before you know it, we're their army for conquering Mist, or Cloud, or whoever they please. The second enough suckers trust them for the balance to tip over, that's it for Leaf. We turn into Hidden Pebble and sign up for permanent meatbag duty of our own free will."

Painful silence.

"Is it likely?" Hazō asked. "If that's what they're doing, do you think they're capable of subverting the population that far?"

"A couple of months ago, it would've been crazy talk—no offence, Kagome," Mari said. "I still don't think it'll happen, because too many people here are Will of Fire fanatics, and everyone in Rock sees it as disgusting heresy, but in a way it's down to how much strength the leadership can show. If Asuma can strengthen the national identity that's taken a critical hit from all its figureheads dying at once, that's one thing. If he can't, then things get complicated, because the Tower, and the clan heads following their parents' policies, and Ami, and, frankly speaking, us, have all been promoting the international cooperation, 'foreigners can be your friends' line for the sake of the Leaf-Mist alliance. Ironic, isn't it? The Gōketsu were supposed to be the main driving force behind an alliance to protect us from Rock, and instead we've just smoothed the way for a bloodless takeover."

"Bloodless?" Hazō asked pointedly.

"Compared to total annihilation, sure. Hell, we didn't even lose anyone we personally know and like."

The comment, and its flippant tone, caught Hazō off guard. It wasn't a comment that belonged in a world of lost and broken families, of people who'd lost their homes and all their possessions, and were left homeless and starving because so very few people cared, and those who cared couldn't afford to house strangers.

"Mari," Hazō asked softly, "is that really how you see it?"

"The clan is safe, and stronger than ever," Mari said, "and the new clan heads are friendly people we can work with, and who have more power over their clans than anyone in history, because everyone who could obstruct them is dead. Even Hyūga is gone, and Asuma's a moderate I can turn with time. Denying any of that won't bring back the dead."

Hazō felt cold inside. He'd been keeping himself busy—not self-destructively like Shikamaru, but still busy—working on fixing things, and helping the recovery, and looking out for those who needed it. So far, that practicality seemed to be enough to keep his mind off the sheer scale of the disaster, and the countless people he couldn't save, and how maybe if he'd done something different, they might still be alive. A sufficiently smart person could have seen that type of attack coming, especially if Rock was involved, and an underground assault made sense in general as the counter to Leaf's mastery of the skies. There were seals that could reinforce buildings. The Five-Seal Barrier was impractical for the purpose, but he was a sealmaster. He and Kagome could have developed a specialised version, or any one of a million defensive seals. Leaf had other sealmasters they could have rallied. He found himself feeling a hindsight version of Saviour Syndrome.

Or maybe it wasn't just business helping him cope. He remembered the spirit of ruthless pragmatism that he'd invoked that one time by drawing on his connection with the Out. He'd never done it since, and Keiko's horror at the admission was still clear in her memory, but now he wondered if it would fade in time, or if it was a permanent mark, and whether that was good or bad.

But Mari had no such excuse. Her words were reasonable, practical, and with no hint that she valued human life. This wasn't her sadistic playfulness, or her cynical resignation, or her wry black humour. This was something he didn't understand, much less know how to fix. He was afraid to even mention it to her, because his intuition told him strongly that her brushing it off as just his imagination was a best-case scenario. If he pushed, she might break again, or worse, she might decide that the attention was inconvenient, and do something about it. He had no idea what this Mari was and wasn't prepared to do.

"Don't take it to heart, Hazō," Mari said lightly. "Of course I care about them. They're all people I knew. It's just that sometimes you have to get over yourself—'you' in the general sense—and focus on doing what has to be done. You can't let your feelings get in the way, or you'll just end up going in circles, and that won't help anyone."

Somehow, that didn't make Hazō feel the tiniest bit better.

"I think we should leave it at that for now," he said. "We all have a lot to do, and Leaf isn't going to rebuild itself. Akane, will you escort me to the Sarutobi compound? There are some things I want to discuss with him if he's got time."

"Wait!" Keiko said abruptly. "Hazō, could I have a word with you in private?"

The word "caldera" flickered across Hazō's mind.

"…Sure."


"Hazō," Keiko looked him in the eyes, seated uncomfortably within the Air Dome some distance from the Shimura compound (she had tried pacing nervously, but there really wasn't enough room). "Tell me, what would you do if it was necessary to betray one person's trust to save another?"

"Keiko, if you're about to tell me you're asking for a friend, I'm going to lower my estimation of your intelligence to Noburi's level."

Keiko raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, that feels offensive to both of us."

"That's what siblings are for," Hazō said. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

Keiko did not dignify this with a response.

"Answer me, Hazō."

He didn't hesitate.

"All else being equal, obviously I'd betray the trust," Hazō said. "Trust is something you can rebuild. I don't know what 'saving' someone might mean, though I have some guesses, but it tends to be something permanent. That, or failing to save someone will result in something permanent. For example, Uplift means saving the world. The difference between a world that's been saved and a world that keeps going as it is is so huge that yes, I think I'd betray all kinds of trust if I was confident that it was the only way."

Keiko nodded, apparently unfazed by what some might have taken as a disturbing admission from a close family member.

"That is very you, Hazō. You spend the overwhelming majority of your time as a radical idealist perpetually walking into trees concealed within the fog of your own wilful ignorance, yet when a decision must be made that weighs others' feelings, livelihoods, or even lives against the importance of your objective, you display remarkable pragmatism. Your interest in cooperating with Orochimaru, appreciating the scale of the gains to be made despite the awareness that he would never completely cease human experimentation, is a convenient example of such uninhibited rationality, as is your choice to re-evaluate it once it became apparent that there would be a cost to the clan beyond tacit approval of Orochimaru's experiments."

There was something distinctly wrong with Keiko's statement, and he wished dearly to refute it, but just at that moment, he couldn't figure out what it actually was. Even if he was a radical idealist—

"I digress," Keiko said. "Hazō…"

She did not continue.

Hazō waited. The Air Dome made it look like they were simply sitting outdoors, but he felt no breeze even as he watched the tree branches sway, and the total isolation only focused his attention further on Keiko.

"Hazō, there is… There is something I wish to say to you."

The anxiety in her voice was palpable, as if she were an Academy student about to confess her love, knowing in advance that she would be rejected, and likely ridiculed, but unable not to confess.

But what came next, he couldn't have predicted in a thousand years.

"You should speak to Ami. She may have insight into your condition that others do not."

No.

"Keiko, are you saying…?"

"I have already said too much," Keiko said. "Even to raise this subject in relation to her is an unforgivable breach of trust. I will accept any punishment she chooses to dispense. If she wishes to sever ties entirely, that would be entirely reasonable."

Setting aside the issue of every single one of the unimaginable and terrifying implications of Keiko's suggestion, something was starting to become apparent to Hazō.

"You know, Keiko, you really don't seem to trust your sister."

Keiko's eyes narrowed. "Ridiculous. I trust her more than anyone in the world."

"Then why do you always expect the worst from her? Even when she did that unimaginably stupid thing in Mist—"

"Hazō."

No. Just this once, he would not be intimidated. This was important.

"Even when she did that unimaginably stupid thing in Mist, it turned out that she was trying to do what was best for you. But back when we first became missing-nin, you assumed she'd kill you if you ever met again. When she was doing that unimaginably stupid thing in Mist, you instantly assumed it was your fault. Right now, I guess it is your fault, but you're still thinking how she'll do something terrible, rather than hoping she'll understand and forgive you."

"That…"

Keiko trailed off.

"That," she said very eventually, "is not because I do not trust her. It is because I do not trust myself."

"What do you mean?"

"It has always been apparent to me, as it was to every other member of my family, that I am unworthy of my sister's love or attention. A mere accident of birth should not entitle me to such, and certainly, the speed of her ascent in my absence—when I left, she was merely an elite chūnin—is proof of my deleterious influence on her life. Why, when one compares our respective talents and capabilities, our personal accomplishments at this age, even the fact that she has always been tall, beautiful, and charming, while I am plain, socially incompetent, and of moderate height at best, it boggles the mind that we should be siblings to begin with!"

As a point of fact, Hazō did not consider Keiko plain, but saying this right now would only emphasise how much he agreed with all the other points. Instead, there was something much more obvious to say.

"That still sounds like you don't trust her."

Keiko gave him a look of pure, unadulterated confusion, as reserved for plans of his that she would subsequently describe as beyond even the label of lunacy.

"Keiko, expecting somebody to turn on you in spite of a current positive relationship is the literal definition of not trusting them. What you think will make them turn on you isn't relevant. What you're saying to me is that you think so little of your sister that you expect her to change her mind at the drop of a forehead protector after fourteen years of loving you. Has she ever actually done anything to justify that belief?"

"No," Keiko said uncertainly. "She has been the ideal sister. More so, even, insofar as my ability to comprehend her greatness remains limited by the power of my imagination. The ongoing process of discovering my own flaws is naturally accompanied by an increase in awe at her ability and choice to love me nonetheless."

"Right," Hazō said, ignoring for the moment the discomfort he felt at hearing Keiko talk about her own sister (and about Mori, which gave the whole thing an extra level of horribleness) with such religious fervour. "And she's never given any sign that she doesn't trust you. Or that she intends to punish you mercilessly if you step out of line."

"No. And it is not as if I have never behaved in a way likely to cause her offence. I will remind you that she is the one responsible for such social skills as I possess, meaning I did not possess them for the majority of time we interacted. She has been nothing but the soul of patience."

"Which you expect to run out at any moment."

'If I provoke it."

"Right," Hazō said. "So we're at a whole other level of distrusting her. You think there's something you can do that will hugely change the feelings your incredible sister already has, even though they're her feelings, she's had them all this time, and she's made lots of decisions based on them, while being fully aware of whatever flaws you have because she's known you your entire life."

"…"

"Glad that's settled," Hazō said. "Now, I need to go make a list of suggestions for Command. It's been far too long since I made a proper list. Maybe I can indulge myself and add sub-headings."

"…"

"Keiko, what are you planning to do?"

"…"

"Shikamaru is going to kill me when he finds out I broke his wife."

"…"


You have not yet received any XP because most of the plan (and the day) has yet to be implemented.


It is around noon. Most of the plan is awaiting @eaglejarl's decision whether to write or offscreen it, as due to poor sleep choices, I have been forced to limit myself to the one thing I can write even when low on spoons, namely Keiko. Accordingly, it is also he who shall bestow XP on you for it.


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