No we control the king and through him the kingdom, we never controlled forces outside of him, at most we supported and were supported by forces outside of him, which of course made us act on their advice/knowledge, that however never meant that we controlled them
Uh, I have already given several examples that disprove the idea that we have direct control of the king, one of which was insightfuled by AN.
What's easier for AN to show us:
"The king then decided X after listening to his advisors."
or
"The Patricians gathered the support of the priesthood, while also rallying the Urban poor to support them against the guilds and traders. They brought their petition to the king, who was then persuaded by a combination of well thought out arguments, the wide diversity of interests requesting it, and some good old fashioned bribes to grease the wheels"
The king is just the easiest way for AN to explain why the policies we chose went through, because it's easy to create a reason for a single man to do something, versus the entire kingdom. We've seen kings do something they explicitly don't want to do, and it almost always goes through not because the king has a change of heart, but because the king's hand is forced by either outside intervention or another faction backed by strong enough support.
We have 2 major examples of the king not wanting to do something, and then some event happening that forces them to do so anyways due to our wishes.
1. The charioteer heir, who got killed by an accident (Or 'Accident' if you're cynical) before he could take power and surprise everyone by not taking a single thing that he was stated to want to do.
2. Our Admin Genius, who was very much against the war, but was forced to go to war by the campaigns of the priests. He was shown to continuously not
want to support the war, and tried again and again to end it, but was blocked each time when we decided to go onwards.
For both of these, it was clearly not control of the king that forced policy change, which strongly implies that we are in charge of the kingdom as a whole, rather than a single man.
However, normally the narrative is simplified by AN just saying 'And then the King decided X', so it
appears that we control the king usually.
But kings are noted to have personalities of their own, and have in fact chosen to do things that have shocked us without input.
Looking at you, Phygrif.
As to your over arching concerns,
In fact why even offer us the possibility of a civil war if we have no chance at winning at all,
If AN didn't offer us the chance to resist through civil war, no matter how unbalanced that civil war is, then you would be right to complain about him railroading us.
Note that the decision here isn't 'You must do DL'. Instead, we are given a choice of 'Do DL' or 'Don't do it, get a ton of people killed for nothing, and then have DL installed.'
That is very much in line with how RL situations have worked. There is not always a solution to a problem, other than to wait. History is full of rulers or civilizations doing something that they
know is a bad idea, just because not doing it is an even
worse idea. That's the situation we face here. We can choose to fight the inevitable, or we can give in and make sure we have some control over what happens.
Honestly, the fact that we've gotten away with no private land for as long as we have is only due to our stone age momentum carrying over into our government. There is literally no other histroical example that I know of that managed to avoid land ownership like we have, and even with all the momentum we managed to build up, there was going to come a point where it just wouldn't be enough. We've just finally reached that point due to DGE.
tl;dr AN is very fair in what he's done, and we don't actually control the king.