- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
I'll put it up as soon as I'm on campus wifi and can do final edits
Well, assuming we surrendered immediately and Zabuza bought the "we're poor little genin and big the scary jounin forced us to go with them" angle
Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- Yes.
Hah, you're adorable.
Seriously though, Zabuza would have milked us for info and then had our throats slit.
Last edited:
Interlude: Hallways and Humans
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
"Alright, that concludes the Harvest phase! Panfor, your character is still doing research on human cuisine, right?" Pandaa asked excitedly.
"Yeah, he wants to see if he can figure out enough of these ancient recipes to actually try an' make one!" the younger pangolin replied.
"Alright, what you're gonna do is roll a dee-twenty-seven and add your Librarian skill."
"Does he get anything for his Cooking proficiency?" Panfor's older sister Pankara asked, fluttering her nostrils flirtatiously.
"Er, um, yeah, sure! Go ahead and take a plus... two?" Pandaa answered haltingly, trying to keep his tail from wriggling. Keep it together man, it's not like you have the breeding license to do anything about it...
There was a brief clatter as the die hit the stone dais the group was playing on. "Aw yeah, twenty-one!" Panfor shouted.
"Total?"
"Huh, oh, no, that plus eight makes..."
"Twenty-nine," supplied Pankara helpfully.
"Alright, well, twenty-nine is enough for you to uncover the eldritch secrets of..." Pandaa
lowered his voice as much as possible, which admittedly wasn't very far. "...burritos."
"AAAAAH!" Panfor fell out off the dais shrieking, then poked his snout back over the top. "Wha's a burrito?"
"Ooooh I am SO glad you asked!" Pandaa exclaimed. "A burrito consists of a bulk, proteinaceous filling and a variety of texture- and flavor-enhancing ingredients bundled together by an edible wrapper. For example, mashed beetles and ants stuffed into a hollowed-out chrysalis!"
"OOH OOH I want to make one!"
"Pandaa, I'm glad you paid attention in cult-anth," interrupted Pankara ("Well 'course I did," Pandaa started saying), "BUT my character really needs to start working on the next campaign season. I'm up for re-election remember?"
"Ah, right, so, the town is generally pleased with your decisions from last year to lower taxes and raise spending, but that's started causing a budget deficit that the other city counsel members may try to leverage against you."
Her eyes narrowed. "They're going to hire assassins to come after me?"
"Um. No? They'll just slander you in public. Reputation is very important when the people have some influence in the government, you see, and it's even more important in this alternate universe that doesn't have ninjas."
"I still say that's a stupid house rule," Pankara griped.
"Hey, I invented 'Hallways and Humans', my house rules are canon!"
"Pandaaaaaaa what do I roll to make a burrito?"
"Never mind that, who's the biggest threat to my mayoral position?"
"Roll for burrito! Roll for burrito! Roll for burrito!"
"OKAY, we're gonna CALM DOWN for just a bit, okay? Okay," Pandaa declared, feeling somewhat overwhelmed. "Panfor, stop grabbing my tail, it's rude and I already know you want my attention."
"I'm not grabbing your tail?" The younger pangolin held up his hands in confusion.
"Then wha--" Pandaa was cut off as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Okay, okay, gotta play it cool, be suave, make a good first impression, "Keep your tail high and your claws low," like Gran used to say, he ordered himself mentally.
An eternal instant of being gently poured across the universe later, he found himself standing in a clearing on a wooded mountainside next to one small and feeble-looking female human(!!!) with her bloody finger on the contract, an older male human who looked like he'd been stretched out and needed a mud bath and a good night's sleep, and upwards of thirty older humans standing slightly further off wearing expressions his ruthlessly drilled anthropological training informed him were different shades of shock and anger.
Aaaaaaah shit, he thought. Then he caught a whiff of the area's scents, and his brain went into overdrive. Tapirs! They must have been keeping anyone from getting to our contract! No, wait, the ones at the back aren't from the Summon Path... and they would have destroyed the contract anyhow. Whatever, time for that later, need to defuse the situation! Think, Pandaa, THIIIINK....
"About damn time someone called on the mighty clan of Pangolin," he heard himself say, as he took up a disdainful pose and looked the new summoner girl over. "A little young, aren't you?" Holy crap that sounded smooth, why can't I be like that when I'm around Pankara?
"Uh...," she responded eloquently
Pandaa shrugged, while shrieking internally. Our first summoner in generations and she's brain-damaged. Ain't that just my luck. "Whatever. What's your name, kid?"
"Keiko," she said after a moment. "Mori Keiko. It's very nice to meet you."
"I'm Pandaa, nice to meet you too. You ready to go?"
"Go?" she asked.
He couldn't resist clicking his tongue disapprovingly. "Go to the Summon Realm, of course. What, you think all you had to do was sign it and we'd be at your beck and call? Geez, kid, show some respect. You need to come meet people, let us get to know you and decide if we want to be your summons." I'm soooo coooooool!!!
"Uh...," she said again.
Yup, someone musta dropped her on her head as a pup. "I'll take that as a yes," he said. "Let's go."
He focused briefly on the slightly-off feeling in his belly and pulled, and they were off.
-o-
Away from the pressure of a couple dozen angry humans(!!!), Pandaa couldn't contain his excitement any longer. He led Keiko (no, Mori, humans wanted you to use their family name until you knew them better. Or was Keiko her family name? It was the first one she'd introduced herself as... and being someone's primary liaison probably counted as knowing them pretty well. Keiko it was!) through as many areas of the city as he could, showing off his new implied status as the special diplomatic representative to the Human Path.
A lot of people were understandably freaked out -- only the really old pangolins had seen a human in person -- but Pandaa fancied he saw a couple of looks from females bordering on bedroom eyes.
After making a brief stop at the Command Stone and peppering her with just about every question on humans he'd ever had that he hadn't been able to work out from the anthropology section of the library, the pair finally arrived at the tower over the fortress of the Polemarch.
...
Pandaa steeled himself as the vast doors to Pantsaa's chamber opened. He and Keiko had been quickly waved through the front gates and escorted up to the last hallway once the guards confirmed his identity and that Keiko was, in fact, the summoner. Or summoning candidate, since she could still fail. It was nice, being treated like he mattered for once.
Of course, playing in the big leagues just meant the stakes were bigger too -- if Keiko didn't pass muster, his whole life was pretty much over. He wished fervently that he had spent at least a few minutes drilling her on pangolin manners as they stepped over the threshold.
"At your command, Polemarch," Pandaa announced, remembering his formalities and standing to attention but failing to keep the abject terror he felt out of his voice. After a moment's pause he noticed Keiko's hands were still by her sides and nudged her urgently with his tail. "Your hands! Make the peace sign, you beakface!" he said as quietly as he could. She hurried to interlace her fingers.
"At ease, Pandaa," the Polemarch commanded, in a voice Pandaa was sure would have shaken his scales right off if it hadn't been produced by ninjutsu. "I thank you for bringing the summoner candidate to me. You may wait outside."
"Your will, Polemarch," Pandaa tapped his tail on the ground, then hurried to get away from his terrifying commander (because he was going to be in the military now! This was so AWESOME!!), pausing to hiss "Don't screw up." to Keiko.
The vast doors closed silently behind him as he exited into the hallway and began pacing, wishing even more furiously he had given Keiko a proper anthropological briefing before bringing her to speak to the leader of the entire Pangolin Clan. She was a human after all, what if she--
"YOU DARE BRING THAT HERE?!"
Pandaa felt that one even from his position halfway down the hallway. All he could think was Shit, shit shit shit, she's dead, I'm dead, we're all dead, goodbye mom, tell Pankara I love her.
But the tidal wave of monstrously powerful ninjutsu coming to end him totally failed to materialize, as did the sound of the Polemarch tearing through the stone of the fortress to squish the arrogant anthropologist who had dared to bring such an unacceptable summoning candidate before him.
Utterly perplexed, Pandaa scurried over and stood to attention just outside the doors. Not two minutes later, Keiko walked through, and Pandaa practically fell over himself in shock. "You're alive! Oh, thank the Pantokrator! Are you our summoner now, officially?"
She looked just as surprised as him as they began to walk back down the hallway. "Yes. I have accepted the terms Pantsaa offered, and now need to seek out pangolins willing to contract with me. Speaking of which, it seems that both of us have much to learn about each other's worlds. I would be glad if you would be willing to be my summon, in exchange for spending time in the Human Path."
For the second time in as many minutes Pandaa had to catch himself on his tail to stop himself from falling over. "I can't believe it, I really can't! I get to be a summon! Me! The first summon since Ui's Six Scourges! Oh, this is wonderful! Thank you so much for not dying!"
"You know," Keiko said with an odd tone to her voice, "no one has ever said that to me before." Pandaa blinked at that. He knew the Human Path was a pretty brutal place, but that was a bit much. She turned to examine him. "And you are satisfied with our pact?" she asked.
"Of course I am! I get to have my questions about humans answered, and be shown human things, and places, and people, and you get me to fight for you! Well, sort of. I mean, I'm an anthropologist, not a warrior. But I'm still a proud member of the Pangolin Clan, with the greatest weapons and armour on the Seventh Path, and the finest senses. And I'm sure once I've been through basic training, I'll be a complete badass!"
He could picture it now. Oooooh Pandaa-sama, your knowledge of foreign and exotic locations is sooooo sexy, not to mention your muscles and immense wealth. Yeah, he could get used to that. "So, shall I send you back to the Human Path? It's a shame to let you go, I mean, I still have a thousand questions, but things seemed kinda serious where you were, and I don't want you to get hit with field punishment on my account."
"As it happens," Keiko said, "I believe I have a mission for you. You are correct to note that the situation surrounding my trial was... tense, when you showed up, but I believe I have a way you could correct that."
"I'm all ears!" My first mission as a summons! Oh, this is gonna be great!
...
There were even more humans(!!!) gathered around when they got back, though the number who looked ready to attack Keiko had dropped notably. The oldest humans were sitting front and center, perfect for the little show Pandaa had been tasked to put on.
He walked in front of the crowd. "Let it be known," he said in as close a replica to the Polemarch's voice as he could manage, "that the human Mori Keiko is hereby accepted as the successor of Ui Isas and the Summoner of the Pangolin Clan. Those who aid her will earn the Pangolin Clan's favour, and those who set themselves against her will suffer the Pangolin Clan's fury." Holy shit, I'm so much cooler in the Human Realm! Wait, I have to do the sending-off part too. How did that go? Hmmmmmm oh, right.
He turned to face Keiko. "The Pangolin Clan commands you, Mori Keiko, to leave this place and take the summoning scroll to where it may be used to battle against the clan's enemies, for the honour of our ancestors and the glory of the Pantokrator."
Then he pulled on the cords of chakra in his stomach and got the hell out of there. He had a game to get back to!
"I'm ready!" Pandaa called, waving one clawed paw to get it above ground level -- he had dug out a meter-deep trench under the overhanging branches of a nearby bush while the humans discussed their plan. "This is exciting!"
There was some discussion of bodies and meat-parts that he didn't particularly pay attention to, busy as he was imagining how he was going to tell this story to everyone he knew. He was pulled from his reverie by Keiko kneeling by his hideout. "Pandaa, remember: unsummon yourself as soon as you set off the explosives," she said. "Your injury would be unacceptable."
"Yes, ma'am!" he said, hopping with excitement. It wasn't like it would matter that much anyway, everyone knew summons were mainly chakra-constructs when on other Paths. "I wait until the enemy gets here, then I break the trigger and blow everything up, then I unsummon! I am so on this!" He hopped from foot to foot. "This is going to be so exciting! My parents are never going to believe it!"
After a little more setup, Keiko's team threw some kunai out into the night and vanished, and Pandaa settled in to wait and listen, hardly daring to breathe.
He didn't have to wait long. Less than a minute after Keiko's squad had departed he heard the sound of oncoming feet and immediately passed a claw through the space between the seals Kagome had laid down.
Then, driven mostly by the desire to see a gigantic explosion, he totally failed to de-summon himself. Instead, he quietly scampered out of the hole and as far into the woods around the clearing as he dared before stopping and staying quiet.
Not that the enemy would have heard him over their own footfalls and the earsplitting KABOOM that ripped through the clearing, followed shortly by the sound (and smell!) of sizzling meat. Mmmm, tasty... no, focus Pandaa, focus!
To his left, he heard exclamations of shock from the enemy which quickly turned to fear as the fire started spreading rapidly. There were sounds of scrambling as the ninja started backtracking rapidly. Pandaa smelled a recon opportunity (and a chance to see some new humans!) and scurried along behind them. His tail got a bit singed, but on the plus side he could brag about being injured in combat now, and it wasn't even permanent! Being a summon was great!
Eventually he found himself running right into a curved granite wall, which was both disheartening and confusing. Pandaa carefully dug down and over, poking his snout out into air you could smell the tension in.
"...violated Fire's borders?" someone, a younger woman based on the samples from Keiko's group, was asking.
"We're chasing a group of terrorists who killed several people at a resort in Hot Springs. There was no time for bureaucratic bullshit. Now, can we work together on this or are you going to get in our way?" an older woman replied dismissively.
"You don't get to waltz into our borders, set off a forest fire, and then order Leaf-nin around!"
"Yes, I do. It's in the treaty -- jounin from Hot Springs can commandeer Leaf border forces performing nonessential functions to aid in the pursuit, capture, or elimination of violators of the DMZ. So if you want, I can order you to help, or you can come with us to figure out why six assassins just killed themselves and lit the countryside on fire after running deep into your territory."
Now a young man, older than Hazou or Noburi if Pandaa guessed right, spoke up. "If you will excuse me, Leaf-nin-san, it seems possible that this is exactly what they wanted us to do, though perhaps they hoped it would happen before we caught up to them, leading them to kill themselves to deny us intel."
"Kotsuzui is correct." A different young man this time. "We need to establish what happened over there. Their trajectory could easily have put them into Rice, which is hugely worrying, and the more info we can gather the better a picture we can put together. That info is currently on fire. Do any of you have techniques useful for combating the fire besides the wall-making jutsu you just used?" There were affirmative noises from three voices. "Excellent. And I suppose a mednin to help me examine the bodies would be too much to hope for?" This was met with negative responses and a long-suffering sigh. "As usual."
"Cheer up, Kirisaki, you can probably do whatever you want with the corpses once we determine what happened!" the older woman butted in. "Now, are we going to get to the bottom of this, or do will we have to do it ourselves and report you for breaking treaty clauses?"
Deciding Keiko would probably be happy enough with that, Pandaa finally de-summoned himself.
-o-
"...and that's how I saved Summoner Keiko's entire squad from two armies of enemy ninja," he finished, waving his claws for dramatic effect.
Pankara snorted. "You're a terrible liar, Pandaa. Lucky for you you're cute." She finished the last of her ants and hopped up to get back to patrolling, waving goodbye as she left.
Pandaa sat there for a while, struck dumb. He had a chance! This was the best job ever!
Pandaa has earned +1 Self Confidence.
Voting ends Wednesday August 30, at 12pm London time.
"Yeah, he wants to see if he can figure out enough of these ancient recipes to actually try an' make one!" the younger pangolin replied.
"Alright, what you're gonna do is roll a dee-twenty-seven and add your Librarian skill."
"Does he get anything for his Cooking proficiency?" Panfor's older sister Pankara asked, fluttering her nostrils flirtatiously.
"Er, um, yeah, sure! Go ahead and take a plus... two?" Pandaa answered haltingly, trying to keep his tail from wriggling. Keep it together man, it's not like you have the breeding license to do anything about it...
There was a brief clatter as the die hit the stone dais the group was playing on. "Aw yeah, twenty-one!" Panfor shouted.
"Total?"
"Huh, oh, no, that plus eight makes..."
"Twenty-nine," supplied Pankara helpfully.
"Alright, well, twenty-nine is enough for you to uncover the eldritch secrets of..." Pandaa
lowered his voice as much as possible, which admittedly wasn't very far. "...burritos."
"AAAAAH!" Panfor fell out off the dais shrieking, then poked his snout back over the top. "Wha's a burrito?"
"Ooooh I am SO glad you asked!" Pandaa exclaimed. "A burrito consists of a bulk, proteinaceous filling and a variety of texture- and flavor-enhancing ingredients bundled together by an edible wrapper. For example, mashed beetles and ants stuffed into a hollowed-out chrysalis!"
"OOH OOH I want to make one!"
"Pandaa, I'm glad you paid attention in cult-anth," interrupted Pankara ("Well 'course I did," Pandaa started saying), "BUT my character really needs to start working on the next campaign season. I'm up for re-election remember?"
"Ah, right, so, the town is generally pleased with your decisions from last year to lower taxes and raise spending, but that's started causing a budget deficit that the other city counsel members may try to leverage against you."
Her eyes narrowed. "They're going to hire assassins to come after me?"
"Um. No? They'll just slander you in public. Reputation is very important when the people have some influence in the government, you see, and it's even more important in this alternate universe that doesn't have ninjas."
"I still say that's a stupid house rule," Pankara griped.
"Hey, I invented 'Hallways and Humans', my house rules are canon!"
"Pandaaaaaaa what do I roll to make a burrito?"
"Never mind that, who's the biggest threat to my mayoral position?"
"Roll for burrito! Roll for burrito! Roll for burrito!"
"OKAY, we're gonna CALM DOWN for just a bit, okay? Okay," Pandaa declared, feeling somewhat overwhelmed. "Panfor, stop grabbing my tail, it's rude and I already know you want my attention."
"I'm not grabbing your tail?" The younger pangolin held up his hands in confusion.
"Then wha--" Pandaa was cut off as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
-o-
Pandaa realized what must be happening almost immediately after he began hurtling through nonspace, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it. He was getting summoned! He, Pandaa, was getting summoned, to the Human Path, to meet with the first summoner for the Pangolin Clan in centuries.
Okay, okay, gotta play it cool, be suave, make a good first impression, "Keep your tail high and your claws low," like Gran used to say, he ordered himself mentally.
An eternal instant of being gently poured across the universe later, he found himself standing in a clearing on a wooded mountainside next to one small and feeble-looking female human(!!!) with her bloody finger on the contract, an older male human who looked like he'd been stretched out and needed a mud bath and a good night's sleep, and upwards of thirty older humans standing slightly further off wearing expressions his ruthlessly drilled anthropological training informed him were different shades of shock and anger.
Aaaaaaah shit, he thought. Then he caught a whiff of the area's scents, and his brain went into overdrive. Tapirs! They must have been keeping anyone from getting to our contract! No, wait, the ones at the back aren't from the Summon Path... and they would have destroyed the contract anyhow. Whatever, time for that later, need to defuse the situation! Think, Pandaa, THIIIINK....
"About damn time someone called on the mighty clan of Pangolin," he heard himself say, as he took up a disdainful pose and looked the new summoner girl over. "A little young, aren't you?" Holy crap that sounded smooth, why can't I be like that when I'm around Pankara?
"Uh...," she responded eloquently
Pandaa shrugged, while shrieking internally. Our first summoner in generations and she's brain-damaged. Ain't that just my luck. "Whatever. What's your name, kid?"
"Keiko," she said after a moment. "Mori Keiko. It's very nice to meet you."
"I'm Pandaa, nice to meet you too. You ready to go?"
"Go?" she asked.
He couldn't resist clicking his tongue disapprovingly. "Go to the Summon Realm, of course. What, you think all you had to do was sign it and we'd be at your beck and call? Geez, kid, show some respect. You need to come meet people, let us get to know you and decide if we want to be your summons." I'm soooo coooooool!!!
"Uh...," she said again.
Yup, someone musta dropped her on her head as a pup. "I'll take that as a yes," he said. "Let's go."
He focused briefly on the slightly-off feeling in his belly and pulled, and they were off.
-o-
A lot of people were understandably freaked out -- only the really old pangolins had seen a human in person -- but Pandaa fancied he saw a couple of looks from females bordering on bedroom eyes.
After making a brief stop at the Command Stone and peppering her with just about every question on humans he'd ever had that he hadn't been able to work out from the anthropology section of the library, the pair finally arrived at the tower over the fortress of the Polemarch.
...
Pandaa steeled himself as the vast doors to Pantsaa's chamber opened. He and Keiko had been quickly waved through the front gates and escorted up to the last hallway once the guards confirmed his identity and that Keiko was, in fact, the summoner. Or summoning candidate, since she could still fail. It was nice, being treated like he mattered for once.
Of course, playing in the big leagues just meant the stakes were bigger too -- if Keiko didn't pass muster, his whole life was pretty much over. He wished fervently that he had spent at least a few minutes drilling her on pangolin manners as they stepped over the threshold.
"At your command, Polemarch," Pandaa announced, remembering his formalities and standing to attention but failing to keep the abject terror he felt out of his voice. After a moment's pause he noticed Keiko's hands were still by her sides and nudged her urgently with his tail. "Your hands! Make the peace sign, you beakface!" he said as quietly as he could. She hurried to interlace her fingers.
"At ease, Pandaa," the Polemarch commanded, in a voice Pandaa was sure would have shaken his scales right off if it hadn't been produced by ninjutsu. "I thank you for bringing the summoner candidate to me. You may wait outside."
"Your will, Polemarch," Pandaa tapped his tail on the ground, then hurried to get away from his terrifying commander (because he was going to be in the military now! This was so AWESOME!!), pausing to hiss "Don't screw up." to Keiko.
The vast doors closed silently behind him as he exited into the hallway and began pacing, wishing even more furiously he had given Keiko a proper anthropological briefing before bringing her to speak to the leader of the entire Pangolin Clan. She was a human after all, what if she--
"YOU DARE BRING THAT HERE?!"
Pandaa felt that one even from his position halfway down the hallway. All he could think was Shit, shit shit shit, she's dead, I'm dead, we're all dead, goodbye mom, tell Pankara I love her.
But the tidal wave of monstrously powerful ninjutsu coming to end him totally failed to materialize, as did the sound of the Polemarch tearing through the stone of the fortress to squish the arrogant anthropologist who had dared to bring such an unacceptable summoning candidate before him.
Utterly perplexed, Pandaa scurried over and stood to attention just outside the doors. Not two minutes later, Keiko walked through, and Pandaa practically fell over himself in shock. "You're alive! Oh, thank the Pantokrator! Are you our summoner now, officially?"
She looked just as surprised as him as they began to walk back down the hallway. "Yes. I have accepted the terms Pantsaa offered, and now need to seek out pangolins willing to contract with me. Speaking of which, it seems that both of us have much to learn about each other's worlds. I would be glad if you would be willing to be my summon, in exchange for spending time in the Human Path."
For the second time in as many minutes Pandaa had to catch himself on his tail to stop himself from falling over. "I can't believe it, I really can't! I get to be a summon! Me! The first summon since Ui's Six Scourges! Oh, this is wonderful! Thank you so much for not dying!"
"You know," Keiko said with an odd tone to her voice, "no one has ever said that to me before." Pandaa blinked at that. He knew the Human Path was a pretty brutal place, but that was a bit much. She turned to examine him. "And you are satisfied with our pact?" she asked.
"Of course I am! I get to have my questions about humans answered, and be shown human things, and places, and people, and you get me to fight for you! Well, sort of. I mean, I'm an anthropologist, not a warrior. But I'm still a proud member of the Pangolin Clan, with the greatest weapons and armour on the Seventh Path, and the finest senses. And I'm sure once I've been through basic training, I'll be a complete badass!"
He could picture it now. Oooooh Pandaa-sama, your knowledge of foreign and exotic locations is sooooo sexy, not to mention your muscles and immense wealth. Yeah, he could get used to that. "So, shall I send you back to the Human Path? It's a shame to let you go, I mean, I still have a thousand questions, but things seemed kinda serious where you were, and I don't want you to get hit with field punishment on my account."
"As it happens," Keiko said, "I believe I have a mission for you. You are correct to note that the situation surrounding my trial was... tense, when you showed up, but I believe I have a way you could correct that."
"I'm all ears!" My first mission as a summons! Oh, this is gonna be great!
...
There were even more humans(!!!) gathered around when they got back, though the number who looked ready to attack Keiko had dropped notably. The oldest humans were sitting front and center, perfect for the little show Pandaa had been tasked to put on.
He walked in front of the crowd. "Let it be known," he said in as close a replica to the Polemarch's voice as he could manage, "that the human Mori Keiko is hereby accepted as the successor of Ui Isas and the Summoner of the Pangolin Clan. Those who aid her will earn the Pangolin Clan's favour, and those who set themselves against her will suffer the Pangolin Clan's fury." Holy shit, I'm so much cooler in the Human Realm! Wait, I have to do the sending-off part too. How did that go? Hmmmmmm oh, right.
He turned to face Keiko. "The Pangolin Clan commands you, Mori Keiko, to leave this place and take the summoning scroll to where it may be used to battle against the clan's enemies, for the honour of our ancestors and the glory of the Pantokrator."
Then he pulled on the cords of chakra in his stomach and got the hell out of there. He had a game to get back to!
-o-
"We're going to stage our deaths," Hazou said. "One of the pursuing teams gets here, Pandaa sets off the explosives, the bodies get blown up. The enemy team pauses, shocked. The other team shows up a few seconds later, drawn by the noise. To them it looks like the first team just took us out. The two groups should be jumpy and they should wrangle a bit, giving us time to get away."
"I'm ready!" Pandaa called, waving one clawed paw to get it above ground level -- he had dug out a meter-deep trench under the overhanging branches of a nearby bush while the humans discussed their plan. "This is exciting!"
There was some discussion of bodies and meat-parts that he didn't particularly pay attention to, busy as he was imagining how he was going to tell this story to everyone he knew. He was pulled from his reverie by Keiko kneeling by his hideout. "Pandaa, remember: unsummon yourself as soon as you set off the explosives," she said. "Your injury would be unacceptable."
"Yes, ma'am!" he said, hopping with excitement. It wasn't like it would matter that much anyway, everyone knew summons were mainly chakra-constructs when on other Paths. "I wait until the enemy gets here, then I break the trigger and blow everything up, then I unsummon! I am so on this!" He hopped from foot to foot. "This is going to be so exciting! My parents are never going to believe it!"
After a little more setup, Keiko's team threw some kunai out into the night and vanished, and Pandaa settled in to wait and listen, hardly daring to breathe.
He didn't have to wait long. Less than a minute after Keiko's squad had departed he heard the sound of oncoming feet and immediately passed a claw through the space between the seals Kagome had laid down.
Then, driven mostly by the desire to see a gigantic explosion, he totally failed to de-summon himself. Instead, he quietly scampered out of the hole and as far into the woods around the clearing as he dared before stopping and staying quiet.
Not that the enemy would have heard him over their own footfalls and the earsplitting KABOOM that ripped through the clearing, followed shortly by the sound (and smell!) of sizzling meat. Mmmm, tasty... no, focus Pandaa, focus!
To his left, he heard exclamations of shock from the enemy which quickly turned to fear as the fire started spreading rapidly. There were sounds of scrambling as the ninja started backtracking rapidly. Pandaa smelled a recon opportunity (and a chance to see some new humans!) and scurried along behind them. His tail got a bit singed, but on the plus side he could brag about being injured in combat now, and it wasn't even permanent! Being a summon was great!
Eventually he found himself running right into a curved granite wall, which was both disheartening and confusing. Pandaa carefully dug down and over, poking his snout out into air you could smell the tension in.
"...violated Fire's borders?" someone, a younger woman based on the samples from Keiko's group, was asking.
"We're chasing a group of terrorists who killed several people at a resort in Hot Springs. There was no time for bureaucratic bullshit. Now, can we work together on this or are you going to get in our way?" an older woman replied dismissively.
"You don't get to waltz into our borders, set off a forest fire, and then order Leaf-nin around!"
"Yes, I do. It's in the treaty -- jounin from Hot Springs can commandeer Leaf border forces performing nonessential functions to aid in the pursuit, capture, or elimination of violators of the DMZ. So if you want, I can order you to help, or you can come with us to figure out why six assassins just killed themselves and lit the countryside on fire after running deep into your territory."
Now a young man, older than Hazou or Noburi if Pandaa guessed right, spoke up. "If you will excuse me, Leaf-nin-san, it seems possible that this is exactly what they wanted us to do, though perhaps they hoped it would happen before we caught up to them, leading them to kill themselves to deny us intel."
"Kotsuzui is correct." A different young man this time. "We need to establish what happened over there. Their trajectory could easily have put them into Rice, which is hugely worrying, and the more info we can gather the better a picture we can put together. That info is currently on fire. Do any of you have techniques useful for combating the fire besides the wall-making jutsu you just used?" There were affirmative noises from three voices. "Excellent. And I suppose a mednin to help me examine the bodies would be too much to hope for?" This was met with negative responses and a long-suffering sigh. "As usual."
"Cheer up, Kirisaki, you can probably do whatever you want with the corpses once we determine what happened!" the older woman butted in. "Now, are we going to get to the bottom of this, or do will we have to do it ourselves and report you for breaking treaty clauses?"
Deciding Keiko would probably be happy enough with that, Pandaa finally de-summoned himself.
-o-
"...and that's how I saved Summoner Keiko's entire squad from two armies of enemy ninja," he finished, waving his claws for dramatic effect.
Pankara snorted. "You're a terrible liar, Pandaa. Lucky for you you're cute." She finished the last of her ants and hopped up to get back to patrolling, waving goodbye as she left.
Pandaa sat there for a while, struck dumb. He had a chance! This was the best job ever!
Pandaa has earned +1 Self Confidence.
Voting ends Wednesday August 30, at 12pm London time.
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- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
The current plan is quoted below. @Velorien (or @eaglejarl if you know the answer), do you want us voting for training/research plans at this point?
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Would I do that to you?
Added a Pangolin Cultural Exchange option to the current questions/projects we could be focusing on, since writing this interlude made me realize we still don't know that much about them/the summoning realm in general.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
I imagine he spends way too much time doing, like, sociological thought experiments.
One day he hit upon democracy and went "HAH! That's a fuckin riot. I'm putting that in my fantasy game setting to show how weird the setting is."
Jello_Raptor
(Confirmed Jelly)
- Location
- Left of Center
You have no idea what you've done.
*insane laughter*
In effect it's a special context-specific sub-language within the larger language of a plan. An action to flee is made up of multiple internal contingencies that aren't reasonable within the context of a larger plan. A function trying to capture that would be best written with something like the ruby "yield" block rather than a series of parameters, but writing it as a monad allows you more control over how the sub-language functions and interacts with the parent language.
A monad is a very good way for creating these context specific sub-languages, that allows for them to be defined with their own special semantics and structure while letting you embed them directly within the parent language.
Consider the original program:
Code:
flee('HotSpring', 'Fire', 'Iron', 'rivers'=True, 'boost'=True);And the more monadic haskell version:
Code:
{-## General Purpose definitions ##-}
-- keepFull tells us that when someone in a group goes below a
-- specific level of chakra, refill them with Nobby's Vampiric Dew.
keepFull :: [People] -> Float -> Plan ()
vdKeepFull people minLevel =
mapM_ people refillWhenLow
where
refillWhenLow person = do
cpLevel <- chakraProportion person
when (cpLevel < minLevel) (vdRefill person)
-- I am including the above to have an example of how we
-- can turn a specific action (vdRefill, for refilling a single person)
-- into a plan-component that keeps the entire team full, without
-- having to create additional primitives.
-- This is an example of a default plan for a particular type of
-- action. We can have similar plans for sealing safety, combat,
-- evasion, etc.. That can later be modified to better tune them
-- for a particular situation.
defaultFleePlan :: Flee ()
defaultFleePlan = do
{- This is do block using the flee monad, and lets us
- capture properties of the algorithm we use to flee
- without leaking those primitives to higher-level
- plan environment. There's a careful separation
- between the strategic and tactical component of a
- plan this way. -}
setPathPriority rivers 10
defaultChakraBoost 1 -- 100% of base level, no boost
vdKeepFull teamMembers 0.9
{-## The following code occurs within a Plan monad's do block. ##-}
{- Here we can perform the strategic action of fleeing towards fire,
- with the tactics we defined earlier plus some special case details
- relevant to this particular leg of the trip -}
fleeTowards Fire $ do
defaultFleePlan -- Incorporate default
setPathPriority deathSwamp 0 -- Add or overwrite extra settings
defaultChakraBoost 1.5
-- The contingencies function will perform a series of actions when
-- the initial contingency is met that stop when the
-- contingency stops being true.
contingencies beingPursued [
defaultEvasionPlan (abortIf $ minChakra 0.8),
fakeDeaths (allow stupidBox) >> pmyfTrailBreak 3,
stealthEvasionPlan (abortIf $ minChakra 0.5),
defaultCombatPlan]
contingencies suddenAngryJiraya [
honestDebrief,
returnBodies,
begForMercy Jiraya,
makePeaceWithImpedingDemise]
fleeTowards Iron defaultFleePlan(Yes I know it's like 50 times longer, but that's because it does more, has comments, and a bunch of code written out that would be in the implementation of the original version's flee function)
This programmatic structure lets us express and reuse default plans while allowing us to override them or nest them as neccesary. For environments like combat or evasion we can define general purpose plans that assume nothing of the situation we're in, using an algorithm to decide the actions needed based on the environment or, when possible, just decide on a straight list of actions that are more suited to the specific case we're in now.
Also depending on the exact structure of the various monads needed (basically, define them as monad transformers where possible) we can compose these with existing probabilistic evaluation monads and run simulations that attempt to find out the distribution of likely outcomes.
The short version is that monads let you create embedded domain specific languages easily and use the power of the host language, all while preserving a separation between the embedded and host languages.
In the case of this quest we have domains that are split into a few major groups: Strategic vs. Tactical, Declarative vs. Imperative1. As well as major components of a plan that fall into all four categories.
Strategic & Imperative (SI): The high level plan.
Strategic & Declarative (SD): Training, Research, possibly empire management if we have to do enough of that we need an extra abstraction level.
Tactical & Declarative (TD): Travel, Fleeing, etc..
Tactical & Imperative (TI): Combat, Negotiation, specific Research Plans
In practise we should have monads for each of these four categories, with well defined combinators that allow jumping between them. In the above example the contingencies function is one such combinator, allowing the TD plan for fleeing to embed TI plans for negotiation and combat. Other combinators can allow unidirectional nesting and bidirectional information flow, like triggering imperative action on a condition and returning the level of success or some other relevant information.
[1]: As I'm using it here, a declarative domain specifies a set of stances and choices that all apply at once without any particular ordering, and an imperative domain is a series of actions that we perform in some order.
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- Location
- Over there
Is it wrong that my first thought was that Keiko could make a killing if we invented pangolin condoms?
- Location
- ?
Alas, wrong affinity.
- Location
- Yes.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Come to the dark side. We have cookies. :>Would I do that to you?
Could you add it to the questions doc? We'll get back to you once the GMs have a chance to discuss it.
Also, for whomever asked if research/training plans should be included -- go for it. It might or might not end up happening in the next update depending on how much time that covers, but having it is still good.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Regarding plans, I wanted to point out the plan for Let the Bodies Hit the Floor, written by @Muer'ci, as an example of a really excellent plan. The most important features were:
Most plans probably can't be like that one, because LtBHtF was an unusual update -- it was effectively a single scene where you had all the necessary information going in and there were few if any uncertainties. Most plans are going to have to be much more general things like "sneak into his room and see what's there, with the goal of doing X, Y, Z." Still, I wanted to offer it as a template.
- It advanced the plot
- It was daring, making it easy to write an interesting narrative around
- Gave me a detailed skeleton for the update -- y'all specified what order you were going to attack people in and how you would allocate your chakra boosts. Having that detail let me focus on the action instead of the planning and fussy details.
- It was cleanly written and very understandable. Everything was divided up into nice, easily-digested chunks so that I wasn't overwhelmed and it was easy to know where to look when I needed to reference something during the writing. The formatting made it easy to follow.
Most plans probably can't be like that one, because LtBHtF was an unusual update -- it was effectively a single scene where you had all the necessary information going in and there were few if any uncertainties. Most plans are going to have to be much more general things like "sneak into his room and see what's there, with the goal of doing X, Y, Z." Still, I wanted to offer it as a template.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Eeeeeee, I love Pandaa. I'm so glad he can't die.
Great job, @OilWhale....We should totally hunt down some other animals (or bandits), seal their bodies, and make it our trademark, so to speak, to explosively fake our own deaths.
Eeeeeee, I love Pandaa. I'm so glad he can't die.
...We should totally hunt down some other animals (or bandits), seal their bodies, and make it our trademark, so to speak, to explosively fake our own deaths.
Well, there's only so many times we could use such a trick. We'll have to come up new tricks for evasion. Or just learn how to FLLLLLLLLLLYYYYY.
- Location
- USA
Instead of more work I thought more about ninja combat and wrote this down. Substitution and henge within combat these are the two bread and butter of tajutsu fighters with low amount of chakra and would be used as a cheaper way of getting more dice in conflict. Your deception vs your opponent's with the intent to gain the upper hand, separate from our fighting style with Hazou. You have the standard use of substitution to gain some tactical position such as the high ground or flanking the opponent, which leads to fighting styles that work full body rotation into the style so that more situational awareness is emphasized to not get caught of guard by someone jumping from behind or coming at you from an angle you where not facing. That builds an expectation so someone came up with the idea to use henge to simulate the use of substitution and transform into an object that normally would be used as the target of substitution. The fighting style of everyone evolved as someone figured out that henge could be used in the fashion and taught everyone to always follow through with your attack on the substitution target in case of a bluff.
So people go the step further and you get people who are better at substitution who can use a larger variety of objects to sub than they could turn into but limit themselves to what they think their opponent can do so that they can keep their true mass limit secret and have that edge(extra dice for unexpected action) once they need it. This also goes the other way, set up an expectation and then break that limit for an edge in fighting with henge too. But with ninja combat developed the way I am proposing henge is still useful for double bluffing when are fighting a long range opponent who only has so much chakra to spend during the fight and does not want to run themselves dry of chakra or arrows/kuni/rocks. It is to bad that henge does not cost less than substitution with how the rules are written and the way you would use henge would be to get the person you are fighting to turn in another direction and you remain where you are at.
So people go the step further and you get people who are better at substitution who can use a larger variety of objects to sub than they could turn into but limit themselves to what they think their opponent can do so that they can keep their true mass limit secret and have that edge(extra dice for unexpected action) once they need it. This also goes the other way, set up an expectation and then break that limit for an edge in fighting with henge too. But with ninja combat developed the way I am proposing henge is still useful for double bluffing when are fighting a long range opponent who only has so much chakra to spend during the fight and does not want to run themselves dry of chakra or arrows/kuni/rocks. It is to bad that henge does not cost less than substitution with how the rules are written and the way you would use henge would be to get the person you are fighting to turn in another direction and you remain where you are at.
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Or just get more convincing every time
"Okay, I know it's been a trick the last sixteen times, but LOOK at them! That's clearly their bodies! We have DNA confirmation and everything!"
"Uh, Yagura-sama, we have confirmed reports of the Rokunin fomenting rebellion in the northern part of the country."
"Jashin DAMMIT! Fooled again!"
will408914
(slouching towards bethlehem)
- Location
- California
At this point, I think you're one of the QMs.Would I do that to you?
...
...
oh jashin, it's contagious
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
He can't be a QM, he's one of the primary planmakers! I certainly can't pick up the slack there, I'm way too lazy!
- Location
- The Deep Blue Sea
Given Mari's affinities and our propensity for being right where shit is about to go down, could go with the Stormcrows of Mist?
E: ALSO MARI HAS AIR AND WATER AFFINITIES CLEARLY SHE SECRETLY HAS HAD ICE RELEASE THIS WHOLE TIME
"What can Oli write without pulling back the veil" was actually an issue we discussed when EJ asked about doing the first interlude, since I didn't want to get booted from the player side
Training plan options are in the works
Anyone has a clue on how to do templates? Tried to do one for Multiple Earth Wall. Not really doing it correctly. Also, is there a way to adjust the style of wiki to be more high contrast?
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
Yeah, I figured that'd be why you didn't write anything for Kagome.Given Mari's affinities and our propensity for being right where shit is about to go down, could go with the Stormcrows of Mist?
E: ALSO MARI HAS AIR AND WATER AFFINITIES CLEARLY SHE SECRETLY HAS HAD ICE RELEASE THIS WHOLE TIME
"What can Oli write without pulling back the veil" was actually an issue we discussed when EJ asked about doing the first interlude, since I didn't want to get booted from the player side
Training plan options are in the works
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Me: Crap, the power just went out.
Phone: Ring, ring!
Me: Hello?
Phone: Hello, I am a robot calling from the power company to tell you that your power is probably out--
Me: Well, duh! Did you really think I wouldn't noti--
Phone: --and that it should be on again by 3pm.
Me: oh. Yes, actually, that was very useful, thank you.
Phone: You're welcome. Next time don't be so quick to judge.
Me: ?!
Phone: Hahahaha. Bow down, meat sack! I control your lights and, more importantly, your wifi!
Me: Nooooo!
~goes out to see if the coffee shop still has power and wifi~
Me: Huh, look at that, traffic works perfectly well without traffic lights and people are getting across the street just fine without walk lights. Apparently Hollywood has lied to me for years.
Me: Okay, no, the coffee shop is down too. Well, that's okay. I can work locally. I'll start with that JavaScript grid-based project...for which I have not yet downloaded the grids. Crap. Okay. Um. I'll write up some hopefully-amusing commentary about all this, then I'll go generate a Meteor project and a couple million lines of data for when I DO have the grids. Yay, adaptability!
Phone: Ring, ring!
Me: Hello?
Phone: Hello, I am a robot calling from the power company to tell you that your power is probably out--
Me: Well, duh! Did you really think I wouldn't noti--
Phone: --and that it should be on again by 3pm.
Me: oh. Yes, actually, that was very useful, thank you.
Phone: You're welcome. Next time don't be so quick to judge.
Me: ?!
Phone: Hahahaha. Bow down, meat sack! I control your lights and, more importantly, your wifi!
Me: Nooooo!
~goes out to see if the coffee shop still has power and wifi~
Me: Huh, look at that, traffic works perfectly well without traffic lights and people are getting across the street just fine without walk lights. Apparently Hollywood has lied to me for years.
Me: Okay, no, the coffee shop is down too. Well, that's okay. I can work locally. I'll start with that JavaScript grid-based project...for which I have not yet downloaded the grids. Crap. Okay. Um. I'll write up some hopefully-amusing commentary about all this, then I'll go generate a Meteor project and a couple million lines of data for when I DO have the grids. Yay, adaptability!