Janna's First Day on the Job
"Doofenshmirtz Evil incorporateeeed~"
Janna paused at the open doorway, in much the same way that boulders pause - just before toppling over the edge. "Uhh..."
"Yeah. I know," Max sighed, squeezing around her. "
Wacky."
"Was that -" Janna paused, again, considering the precipitous drop before her. "Okay, I'm like, 85 percent certain that wasn't from a speaker or anything. It just. Sort of happened. The heck?"
"Yeah, it's just..." Max waved his hand. "Just somethin' that happens around here? 'Here' being the Tri-State area. Y-y-you get used to it, y'know? Like the smog."
"Huh."
Teeter, teeter.
Janna stepped back outside, closing the door behind her.
She opened the door.
"Doofenshmirtz Evil incorporateeeed~"
She closed the door.
She opened the door.
"Doofenshmirtz Evil incorporat-"
She closed the door.
She opened the door.
"Doofenshmirtz E-"
She closed the door.
Slow, sprawling, a semi-sardonic smile spread.
Quoth Max: "Please don't."
"Doofenshmirtz Evil incorpora-"
"Doofenshmirtz-"
"Doofenshmirtz Evil In-"
"Doofen-"
"Doof-Doof-Doof-Doof-Doof-Doof-"
Max dropped his head into his hands, groaning. "Someone please shoot me."
"That can be readily arranged."
All things considered, once he was done leaping six feet into the air and shrieking like a banshee with a thumbtack in its ectoplasmic trail, Max handled the situation with deft calmness. "Temujin, buddy! Been a while!" he chuckled, nearly edging into genuine anger. "Still popping outta peoples' shadows whenever you get the chance, huh, big guy?"
"Doofenshmirtz Evil incorporateeeed~"
"Tripledent Gum, you've got yourself some stiff competition," Janna murmured, half-awed, half-teenage-girl-with-attitude, 100% ignoring everything going on around her.
"I only shadow those who might do Doofenshmirtz harm," Temujin said, leaning down just that intimidating hair. "For example, those who might bring unauthorized guests into his holdings, without prior notice."
"This is a teenager?" Max said. "Her name's Janna. She wants to work here, maybe, I dunno."
"You don't know," Temujin intoned. Sharp, like steel on whetstone. "We've just repelled twin invasions by a Neo-Roman volcaneer with an army of marble men and a woman with a wizardry for bio-mechanical adaptation and a command over all antkind which even
I might envy, and you did not make yourself
certain of her intentions before bringing her here?"
"Repelled twin
what?" Max and Janna said, at the same time, with very different inflections.
"That you are young and live in peacetime are no reasons - no
excuses - for you not to
think," Temujin said. "What if this 'Janna' is an enemy? A sorceress, or a demon in disguise? Perhaps she is a spy, seeking to infiltrate Heinz's organization and tear us down from the inside?"
"Oh, no, trust me," Janna chuckled, stepping into the conversation. "If I were
any of those things you just said, I'd have way cooler things to do with my time than bring back the forgotten art of the Youtube Poop. Or hang out with
this doofus."
"I-is there a 'Kick Me' sign on my back? Is that what's going on, here, today?"
"No, seriously, if I were just using this guy to get close to the Evil Capital of America, well - heh - I
wouldn't. Wayyyy too obvious. Any half-asleep minimum wage security guard's gonna cotton onto that. Against
The Genghis Khan, holy Toledo, one of the top five historical dead guys I wanna meet (right between John Keats and the Zodiac Killer), resurrected and in the flesh? Nuh-uh. No how. No, if I was gonna infiltrate..."
Tap, tap, tap the chin, look around the room.
"Pretty high windows, here and outside. Mostly above the city's eyelines. Probably the boss man does his thing up on the top floors. Pretty sure he keeps all his stuff there; guy who takes over two-and-a-half states wants the things he likes where he can keep an eye on 'em. Plus, like, evil genius mad scientist, right? No way he
doesn't wanna loom whenever he gets the chance. Now, you're all subconsciously worried about the ground cuz, like you said, twin invasions, one guy with a volcano and another gal putting ants in your pants. I'd mug a witch, use her broom to fly in while no one's looking up. Small craft, non-technological, unlikely to get a clear pic on me, no chance of being hit by radar. From there I'd find the nearest fire alarm, pull it and hide. That gives me, what, ten minutes to put in whatever bugs and cameras I want on the top floor or two? Figure out the security codes and guard patterns back at home with a bag of popcorn, come and go at my leisure. Pretty straightforward job, honestly."
For a good, solid minute, there was only dumbfounded silence.
"How did you know who I was?" Temujin asked.
"Read it on your drivers' license," Janna said, holding up Temujin's wallet.
Another short pause.
Temujin smirked. "You show promise."
And lo, the boulder begins to roll.
