Goofy waved goodbye to Dr. D just as he got on a plane to Las Vegas. Normally the friendly and law-abiding Toon wouldn't even think about something like robbing a casino, but for this job he had no objections. Syndrome wasn't a nice guy at all, and the things he planned on doing if he ever got the Omnidroids upgrading were even worse. No, Goofy was quite fine with his employer going to rob the Sands Casino. He may have called himself 'Evil' on paper, but honestly, he was a pretty nice guy. He had given Maxie a job, done a lot of stuff for Toons, and even set them up with a three-week paid vacation in the tropics every year!
Goofy was quite happy with the choice he'd made after he and Max had to… drop out of college. Right around the time the economy crashed practically overnight, that dust bowl cropped up in the midwest, a new wave of crime crashed over the east and west coasts… it seemed like the perfect time to move to Doofania. Dr. D had been really understanding and given him a job as his number one janitor and top problem solver, and nowhere was that second part of his job description more obvious than today.
Billionaire David Xanatos might not've declared himself supreme ruler like Dr. D had, but even Goofy could tell that he exerted a considerable amount of influence on the city. Those gargoyle drones he donated to the police, that effort he made in cracking down on crime (crime in Doofania just never seemed to want to go away), all of that pointed to someone who deeply cared about his public appearances, and Goofy was the one responsible for talking with him and convincing him to come to the table with DEI.
...of course, that all had to wait until the gala was over. Dr. D said that Xanatos' ticket should last for a couple days at least, which meant he had plenty of time to see the sights of the Big Apple just like he always wanted! It was a little disappointing that Maxie wasn't here with him, but he was probably off having fun in Possum Creek or wherever he was sent on his internship.
---
Seven hours later, Goofy collapsed onto the subway train, his arms loaded down with bags filled with merchandise. There had been so many things to see he just couldn't resist grabbing a few souvenirs! The little snowglobes with the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building, the tea set from Chinatown, the autographed picture of the new and improved Ultra Pack… okay maybe it was a bit much. Nonetheless, Goofy couldn't help but be himself, and wave happily to the person next to him, a man in a massive trenchcoat. The man ignored him.
Goofy yawned; he'd spent more time on the town than he thought, and if all went well then he was scheduled to meet with Mr. Xanatos today. Apparently Xanatos really had worked hard on cleaning up the subways; the car was clean, quiet and comfortable. There were still a few stops until 57 south 7th street. Maybe a few winks were in order. He closed his eyes, just for a minute.
---
Thirty-two of them later, and shortly after a call of 'last stop, 96th!", Goofy was jolted awake by an unusually rough bump.
"What'da miss?!" Goofy asked, blinking awake at the shock as a commemorative snowglobe rolled across the floor. A bleary-eyed moment later, Goofy turned his head as the door to the Conductor's compartment scraped open. The conductor was a dull, generic-looking man in his mid-50s, wearing a blue cap to disguise what looked like a pretty nasty combover. He looked around the car, eyes passing over each of four or five people still inside before pausing on Goofy.
"Hmmm." He said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Oh well. Good enough for me!"
The conductor stepped out of his legs.
The now unnecessary appendages sat unattended in the chair as the conductor, now with a much smaller pair that left him apparently only a few feet tall, leapt up onto the console. Removing his cap, his ears sprang back into pointed ends and his skin turned purple. He pulled a lever on the console that seemed perfectly sized for his diminutive form, and the car started moving again.
All around him, the other people in the car seemed to let out breaths Goofy hadn't realized they were holding. An old woman sitting in the handicapped seat pulled out a black pointed hat. The bearded guy in the back who Goofy had taken for a hipster revealed himself to in fact be three gnomes stacked on top each other. Though given the fact they were all carrying vinyl records, they were probably still hipsters.
The massive man sitting next to Goofy pulled off his trenchcoat to reveal a massive, purple-furred monstrosity with only one eye.
"Hey there!" The apparent cyclops said jovially. "Sorry I didn't greet ya back earlier, had to keep the disguise on, you know how it is. Name's Stan Lipkowski, nice to meet ya!"
Goofy looked at Stan's massive outstretched paw for a moment before instinct kicked in. "Gawrsh. Nice ta meet ya too!"
"I've never seen ya around here before pal? What are ya, if ya don't mind me askin'? Some kinda domesticated wolfman?"
"I'm Goofy!"
"I'll say!" Stan laughed, slapping his knee.
Goofy looked at him, puzzled. There were a few seconds of awkward silence.
"So, eh…"
The conversation was mercifully saved when the subway car, rather than ramming into the end of the track, instead vanished into a swirling portal and re-emerged in what was definitely not New York anymore.
Goofy looked out over a vast, sprawling network of buildings and stalls. Outside of the small subway station, the pocket dimension seemed to stretch on for miles in a riot of architectural styles, most of them either an asian fusion or what seemed like medieval stonework. The sky changed color every time Goofy looked at it, and in fact several streets appeared to take right turns upward and disappear into it. Shops and street hawkers advertised 'Wool of Bat 25% off' and 'Fillet of fenny snake, two for the price of one'. What looked to be a skull-faced ghoul was selling the latest model of flying broomstick.
"Gawrsh." said Goofy as he took the scene in.
"First time coming ta the Magus Bazaar, huh?" Stan said, chuckling. "Yeah, it has that effect on people. Say, I got some free time. Want me to show you around?"
Goofy prevaricated. He had a meeting with Mr. Xanatos real soon but…
Goofy's eye caught sight of a small model of the statue of liberty that seemed to be absolutely shredding a miniature electric guitar.
"How much is it?" Goofy asked the young girl running the shop.
"Only your immortal soul, muahahahahahahaha!"
The girl laughed as Goofy leaped backwards. "Ha, I'm kidding dude. We take Visa or Mastercard."
---
David Xanatos watched the security monitors in his dining room as Dr. Doofenshmirtz's designated diplomat, one of the most famous Toons in the world, and Head Janitor of DEI got into the elevator and started the very long ascent to the top. Seeing the various bits of paraphernalia Goofy was carrying allowed him to formulate a conclusion to his previous hypothesis. Danville's resident 'pharmacist' definitely knew of the existence of the supernatural, he was more informed than Xanatos thought, and he was very clearly broadcasting to Xanatos that he knew. The existence of the Magus Bazaar was a fairly well-kept secret among the magical community, and to see Goofy walk into his building arms quite literally piled high with magical Tchotchkes suggested that he was flaunting his knowledge. He kept open the theoretical explanations that allowed for Goofy, as a Toon, simply stumbling onto the place. That was within the realm of the plausible. Coupled with the incident at the Gala however, this was starting to feel like an active message.
"Owen? Pencil me in for the next auction at the Magus Bazaar and be sure to send Dr. Doofenshmirtz an invitation as well."
"Of course, Mr. Xanatos. You have considered the possibility that this is all one massive coincidence, I hope?"
"Naturally. I'm well aware of the odd accidents that happen to occur around Toons, particularly one as well-known as Goofy. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't know about it before this morning. But coupled with what we spoke about at the Gala, Doofenshmirtz is either sending a message or has gotten very lucky. And if it is luck, then it would be best to manage how he enters the magical community." Xanatos allowed himself to relax back in his chair as he looked over the dinner set out for them. It was a bit informal, but that reduced the chance of dinnertime antics from his famously clumsy guest. It was also likely to set him at ease, since from all evidence Goofy was used to humbler surroundings.
David had been wanting to reach out to the odd man for several months now, ever since he put a hamper on the famine problems plaguing middle America… by creating a company subsidiary with the word 'evil' literally in its name. His continual flaunting of the government's authority and the ever-thinning masquerade was somewhat annoying, though thankfully the propaganda campaigns the government had spun were working wonders. It astonished Xanatos at times to see how skilled the federals were at hiding that problems existed instead of solving them. Instead of thinking of the man as a secessionist who ruled over his own personal kingdom, the public was told that he was merely an eccentric, wealthy CEO who liked to be very involved in day to day affairs, like giving people donations of free food. It certainly wasn't fooling everyone, but it fooled enough, mainly those who had no critical thinking skills or a vested interest in the world staying the way it was.
His presence at the Sands Gala was not unusual, knowing the man's usual reaction to slights like being one of the few prominent CEOs denied a ticket, but his choice to take Shego along as his date for the evening was. All of the man's posts online had railed about her as his 'most hated enemy'- presumably an attempt at misdirection months in the making. Even without any proof, there was no doubt that Shego had staged the attack on the gala, utilizing the unique services of one 'Gwen Grayson' to subvert Syndrome's new prototype. That much was quite obvious and to a degree even prepared for, though the sheer vehemence of the android's reaction was slightly more than he had expected. A lot of plans had needed to be reworked following that misadventure.
The robot, which the public had taken to calling 'Sinatron', had apparently realized it lacked the resources needed to truly compete on the national stage, as no formal calls for secession had come from the city since. It was, in fact, still standing and functioning much as it had every day for the past eighty years or so. The only significant change was that the Sands Casino was locked up tighter than most vaults on the Strip and the Omnidroid security around the city was no longer functioning. Xanatos knew this not through his extensive connection of ears to the ground, but because he had spent the next day or so in the city himself. His schedule had been free for days of prospective business deals with other influential movers and shakers, which left him rather free after the city turned into a warzone. He had enjoyed it. Some might brag about seventy hour work weeks, but David knew the consequences of burnout.
The $235,000 and complimentary night in the high roller suite he had won from the casino hadn't hurt matters either.
He swiveled his desk chair around to meet Goofy, timing the gesture perfectly just as the Toon crossed the threshold to his office. "A pleasure to meet you at last, Mr. Goof." he said, extending his hand.
Goofy vigorously returned the handshake. "Aw, shucks. Just call me Goofy! Everyone does."
"Of course, Goofy." Setting people at ease was the first step to make reading them all the easier. "I was a huge fan of your work in Ye Olden Days, I must have watched that short a dozen times." That much was true, actually. Xanatos didn't consider himself to be a huge fan of cartoons but he certainly didn't mind them, and if there was one Toon that wore his inner machinations openly throughout his filmography, it was Goofy.
"That one was real fun ta make! It's… kinda a shame they don't do 'em like they used to, y'know?"
"Indeed it is, but I hear your boss is trying his best to do something about that?"
"Yup, that's right! Dr. D is provin' ta be a friend for Toons everywhere!"
"Yes, why don't we talk about Dr. Doofenshmirtz a little more? Would you care to join me for dinner?"
A bit weak as introductions go, but it would be useful to gauge Goofy's response. A trained negotiator would pick up on the rather blatant lead, while both a master and a genuine novice would appear to fall for it immediately.
"Dinner sounds wonderful! I've been shoppin' around all day and only had a giant roc leg to show for it."
"Right this way, please." Xanatos led Goofy through the halls of the Eyrie Building over to the dining hall, a stone room richly lit by sconces and candles burning in the chandelier. The windows offered a stunning view of the city below through the gaps between the clouds. The sun was just beginning to set and a storm was rolling in from the east in what would surely make for an atmospheric evening.
The kitchen had been asked to prepare coq au vin for the night, partly as a private joke by Xanatos for his sponsorship of the wildly popular Chef Skinner bistros, and partly as yet another test. Many of the uninitiated would assume the dish to be pretentious, but it was in fact a rustic peasant's dish. Calling attention to the meal in either regard would reflect upon his dining partner in certain ways.
Goofy, of course, did not seem to pick up any of these nuances, declaring it to be delicious.
Over the course of the meal, Xanatos assembled a very clear picture of the type of man… or Toon, he supposed… that Goofy was, using that knowledge to place together the scraps of the puzzle that all served to form the main question of the evening: who was Heinz Doofenshmirtz? Was he a genius who played the fool, or a fool who got exceptionally lucky?
All evidence pointed to a combination of the two. The man was not Machiavellian enough to be orchestrating all the details, and yet he displayed a certain air of competence that could not come from luck alone. Clearly, the man knew more than he let on- it was entirely possible that Doofenshmirtz's true personality was exactly as he portrayed, eccentric to a fault and incredibly petty at times, but still in possession of a brilliant scientific mind and underlings who were competent and loyal.
All in all, it would be a good move to be on better terms with the man… especially given what was waiting over the horizon.
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Critical Success! Goofy has discovered a hidden magical community within the streets of New York City known as the Magus Bazaar! His meeting with Xanatos went very well! Xanatos is interested in collaborating with you in the future!
