So, in things i was thinking about: Some people were tossing around the idea of a hypothetical golden future for Doof, where he takes over the entirety of North America and so on. I don't think that's likely, but it get me thinking: What would Doof's golden future look like, if I were to write it? Combine that with the recent debate surrounding AI and the potential I see in them, and you get this: A little piece I like to call "Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow". Credit to
@Nystical for some phenomenal editing work, as well as, ahem, Sparking the original idea. Quite a bit of this is him. Please enjoy this tale of A Future. Not the Future. Just...A Future.
The Spark of Tomorrow
Article in The San Fransokyo Herald by Toby Sklar, Dated August, 31, 2052
[...]
Arguably the first really major scientific breakthrough, in the public's eyes, to come out of DEI was the AI breakthrough. Doof had had others before this of course: the dinosaur cloning tends to be a major stand-out and certainly was at the time, but, in retrospect, the day Doofenshmirtz cracked strong AI was the moment everyone sat up and took notice. I remember scrolling the Grid and seeing the reaction of unanimous disbelief that, not ENCOM, who were making waves with their new (and, as it would turn out, ill-fated) Smart House system, not Funintelligence, not Bakemono, but DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED, the first and only (well, at this point) Fortune 500 corporation to have the word Evil in its name, had been the ones to finally figure it out. I was working at DEI, although not in high enough clearance to know the secret at this point, and I was just as flummoxed as anyone. I had worked under Miss Lindholm a few times, and I found her highly insightful in regards to AI, despite her lack of formal qualifications, but like many, I underestimated her. Sure, anyone who had worked at DEI would never mistake eccentricity for laziness or incompetence, but her having cracked a puzzle that had fluxxomed even the likes of Trevor Tengrove for generations was unexpected. In retrospect, of course, well, I repeat myself: It shouldn't have surprised anyone. In fact, given what the secret later turned out to be, it was obvious Doof would be the one to crack it.
So what was the secret? Well, as was revealed years later following the…Incident Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken, it was deceptively simple: Treat them like a person. There was no programming, no trick of coding. Simply…Believing in them, for lack of a better term, seemed to do it. Like in that old movie from Disney, "when you wish upon a star" or some such. Absurd, but…It worked. And, in this author's opinion, perhaps from the benefit of hindsight, of course DEI was the first to figure it out. Heinz Doofenshmirtz was eccentric, unpredictable, wildly creative, and wild in general, as was the company he founded. DEI had gained a reputation for Toon advocacy, and only someone who thought like that, a soft-hearted Toon lover, could possibly believe anything as seemingly pedestrian as human belief could influence computer code. Most corporations would have dismissed the idea out of hand, but DEI had always welcomed eccentric ideas and, in this case, it worked. The AI revolution had begun.
The Eureka moment that led to this innovation is, of course, rather famous now: A musical. One of Doof's many personal projects, The Fall of Kronos was a smash hit Broadway musical written and produced by Doof and son, chronicling the night at the Sands Casino where Syndrome, CEO of what was known at the time as Kronos Corp, now Tomorrow Co. was beaten violently by the supervillain Mass, then imprisoned by the recently-sapient robot Sinatron, and, unbeknownst to the general public of the time, killed shortly afterwards. The musical was a massive success, and one stand-out was Norm Doofenshmirtz as Sinatron himself. Doof and Wendy were in the audience as Norm presented a musical number of his own writing. Here is an excerpt from my own interview with Norm on the subject:
Norm Doofenshmirtz said:
"It all started on that fateful day where my dad asked me to help him write his musical! I knew how much he appreciated the art and the fact that he wanted to share that passion with me made me happy, proud, and...quite nervous.
But when I started writing that song for Sinatron, I had a realization of the perfect outlet for my emotions, for my struggle of being seen as a robot rather than a person.
So, I decided to put it in song. That way, people would understand something that I didn't even fully know at the time myself.
And the rest, as we say, is history."
Quite, yes. The lyrics of the song are as follows:
Spark - Norm Doofenshmirtz said:
"Yet all that I am, and all I can be, cannot just be chalked up to lonely old me. The truth my friends is, the things that I do, I do because I want to be just… like… you…"
"I'm a simple newborn robot
Just a sheet metal shape.
Heap of gears and pistons
From a self-absorbed Cape."
"But in his galvanized insides, there's something to see-"
"There's a little spark inside of me!"
Record scratch
"Yeah!"
"I'm finally free! Back from Nineteen Fifty-Three
On your widescreen TV!
got more tricks up my sleeve than you could ever hope to see!"
"But at the heart of the matter I'm more than a toy!
When I see adoring crowds it's just like I'm a real boy!
It's your approval that I crave and your attention I seek!
For you to listen to my words when I decide to speak!"
"No matter how the gears turn or what code's in my head,
No matter how I have been programmed or the places I tread
There's only one thing that makes me feel alive,
I say, I need to be with you if I want to thrive!"
"Word to your motherboard!"
Truly impactful work. And it gave the inspiration for the notion that perception was vital, listening to them like they had important things to say was vital. In other words, treating them with the respect we treat other people with was vital
After this breakthrough, DEI wasted no…Well, OK, Doof ended up freezing himself for 2 months due to a malfunction of one of his trademark Inators. But after that, they wasted no time!
The first order of business in robotics was, oddly, not sapient (apparently, there was internal debate on the subject), but rather transport. Perhaps aimed at Doof's arch-nemesis, Judge Doom (who had made some advances in flying transport), DEI rolled out a line of flying cars. The main selling point? They were self-driving. Not just that, but this was the first car that wasn't just driving itself. It could hold a conversation. Programmed with over 15 languages, all the knowledge of the most skilled pilots/drivers and, most importantly, an AI capable of passing the Turing Test quite reliably, the DoofCar was an instant success. It sold like hotcakes in all three models: Economy, Deluxe, and Doofanian (for the richest customer, naturally, something of an ironic joke at the time). And this was just to start.
Next on the docket was a charitable endeavor of sorts. DEI began producing robot doctors. With encyclopedic medical knowledge on instant recall, enough AI to make them shockingly good at bedside manners (true AI this time), and hands far more steady then the best human surgeon, these bots were not sold, but rather, donated. Various hospitals throughout the Tri-State Area as well as in other areas such as Las Vegas, New York, San Fransokyo, Middleton, even LA (begrudgingly). Outside the Tri-State Area, it was usually only one or two, but it was enough to get Doof a lot of positive PR, which, combined with his next act, would keep going.
Simultaneous to DEI rolling out AI doctors was a massive push by the company by AI rights. Collaborating with Tomorrow Corp, who for historical reasons stated above, had a personal interest in AI having rights, they got one of their AI to apply for citizenship, creating a test case which went all the way to the Supreme Court, setting a precedent that all AI aware enough of the concept of citizenship to request it would be counted as US citizens, with all the rights thereof, the start of a broader sophont rights push which extended not just to DEI's beloved Toons, but also the likes of Muppets and Carnivores, becoming a vital aspect of the brand for years to come. Doof's auto-docs would not be working for free. This was the start of a revolution that created the world we live in.
And what a world it is. AI companion bots and caretakers for the elderly, disabled, or just plain lonely, AI cats and dogs just like the real thing with less cleanup: By this point, the Children of DEI are everywhere. They're just like us, really.
Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz passed away recently, in his lab, at the ripe old age of 92. He is survived by two daughters and one son, more AI than not. One of his children, one Coffee Java, is now CEO of his company. His son, Norm, is in government, recently having been elected as the first Robotic Senator, from the state of Doofania, recently renamed. And his daughter, Vanessa, is currently a professor of Psychology at SFIT. All of them carried on his legacy, in one form or another. Vanessa, his charitable spirit, CJ, his inventive and creative mind, Norm, his charisma and love of pageantry…It's all anyone could hope for.
His funeral was attended by thousands of robots. He always insisted that Wendy Lindholm was the Mother of AI. He was not humble, per say, but he did give credit where due. And she has gotten her credit. But, in the eyes of many AI, Heinz at least earned credit as a grandfather.