Bring me my Bride; or, Hego's Audition
In the immediate aftermath of Hego's Triumphant return from the ininhabitable lifeless wastelands full of heinous villany, his boss, the... mad scientist, Dr. Doofenshmirtz assigned him to audition for Francis Monogram and his musical. Dr. D said something about "keeping him out of trouble so that Shego doesn't try to murder him," but Hego knew that this was just well deserved downtime; a reward for good work doing good work!
It would of course be nicer if he could... Remember what actually happened in the wasteland? But his new friends all told him that he did excellent work!
Which brought him to his reward! he and all of his friends from the Wasteland roadtrip were auditioning! He wasn't sure what to do with the song at first; romance had just never really interested him as much as heroics, and Miles Gloriosus was more a villain in this song than he was a hero, but Agent Russ (and wasn't that a sign that Dr. Doofenshmirtz was just joking about being evil? The Feds wouldn't be working with him if he was truly evil after all!) told him that all he had to do was bring his natural Heroic Charisma and tell the whole audience "I AM HERE!" and that his natural talent would do the rest.
As the music began, Hego knew that was his cue. "Stand aside, everyone! I take
large steps!
He was dressed as a roman Centurion captain, and behind him? his faithful soldiers, Coyote, TECHNOR, and Lizzy. They called out their marching cadence in time as they marched in place. "One, two! One, two!"
"We not only fought, but we won, too!" Hego announced with a smile.
"One, two! One, two! Left, right! Left, right!" Coyote led the cadence.
"There's none of the enemy left, right?" Hego asked. That was actually a bit of a failure on his bart, letting the supervillain they fought get away. but that too was a normal part of heroism. Villains were wily and hard to predict. At teh very least it was a good thing that they didn't accidentally leave the villain in the trunk of their car when they traded it to that nice duke. It would have been a poor repayment to make him the Duke's problem after the man had heroically rescued them!
"Right! Left...right...right? Left?" His soldiers replied, their confusion was... hopefully, feigned for the song.
"Halt!" Hego commanded!
"Hail, Miles Gloriosus. Welcome to Rome. Your bride awaits you." Russ called out his cue.
"My bride..." Hego marvelled. He'd watched the movie of the musical last night. Miles Gloriosus was in parts a villainous and a truly heroic character. An odd dichotomy of heroic presence, boastful words, and evil acts. In the end, he managed to become more heroic, slightly. It was a good thing that he devoted his life to heroism by the finale instead of pursuing the sinful pleasures of the flesh with what had appeared to be a lady of the night. It was a happy ending, a heroic one! At least to a certain extent. But it only became so because of the work set in at the outset! That's why he had to give this song his utmost!
"My bride! My bride! I've come to claim my bride! Come tenderly to crush her against my side!
Let haste be made! I cannot be delayed: There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade!" Angain that strange dichotomy of heroic presence and evil deeds.
"Look at those arms! Look at that chest! Look at them!" His chorus of soldiers boasted for him.
"Not to mention the rest! Even I am impressed!" He replied with a blush. It was strange being so boastful about his body rather than his good deeds. And he had done a lot of good deeds under Doctor Doofenshmirtz! More than he'd ever done as Manager of Bueno Nacho!
"My bride! My bride! Come, bring to me my bride! My lust for her no longer can be denied!
Convey the news! I have no time to lose: There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse!" Miles Gloriosus was a hero for a more violent time, but it was good that he was aware of his flaws. It was the first part in overcoming them and becoming a true hero!
"Look at that foot! Look at that heel! Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!" Coyote and his other friends sang.
"I am my ideal!" Hego belted out! "I, Miles Gloriosus! I, slaughterer of thousands! I, oppressor of the meek! Subduer of the weak! Degrader of the Greek! Destroyer of the Turk! Must hurry back to work!"
As he continued to sing, Hego did so with a smile on his face. The song really was exactly what he needed. It was a reminder of the fact that people aren't just born good or evil. That they become so through struggle and trials. Clearly Dr. D was one such person, the Evil in his corporate jingle was a reminder of past sins; but his actions? There was good in them, in every act and impulse.
If Dr. D, a man who proudly declared his evil to the world, could change to become a better person, the so too could Hego's sister.
Yes, maybe the power of Song would reach his sister where his well-reasoned arguments and emotional appeals could not! If he got the role, Hego would seize it with both hands, and he'd make sure that Dr. D sent his sister an invite to watch him perform.
Maybe then he could finally reach her and bring out the good he saw inside her every single day.
