Voted best in category in the Users' Choice awards.
Goals Johann Succeeded at:
Helped Dwarfs:Yep.
Get Closer to Dwarfs:Yep.
Gilding Himself:Yep. Arms anyways.
Better Magic:Yes via staff.
Skaven Tech:
  1. Ratling Gun:Yep. (With help)
  2. Ooze: yes. And it's liable to revolutionize logistics and agriculture.
  3. Rat Puppies:Yes. Not technically technology, but with a bit of Amber assistance, he probably could get a new set of ccreatures for the Imperial Zoo.
  4. The Rest of It: Actively being worked on by the entire College. I know you disagree here. But if I set off to do a thing, and got enough done that someone then paid me so they could do it instead I'd call that a success.
And if I wanted to reach/be silly:
Proof of Gods being Godly: Yes.
Queekish: Little Bit: He was there when we got Qrech, and without him there very well might not have been a push to go for the personal gain option of grabbing Shinies. Plus he did help grab documents and such.

So to say that he failed seems a bit much.
Sure, if you want to count everything he did as succeeding in his ambition, then sure, but that's a bit of a reach.
Also, did we reverse engineer the rattling gun in a usable way? Like, is empire about to start building totallynota!rattling guns?
Like, i am not saying Johann has not succesfully done things, he has.

But we are talking of something like a major ambition, translating queekish (he was part of it, but as an assistant, not a driver, and it was not his ambition), feeding an entire karak be transforming a dead valley into a bread basket, building a super weapon like the sword of Gazul...
Like, i don't want to downplay his accomplishments, he has done stuff, even important stuff, but we are talking about something lot bigger than finding some pups and raising them.

The skaven tech we gave up, no longer his accomplishment.
There is value in the "well someone got it done", but that is not we are talking about, it's like Mathilde giving up on AV, or Pan calling in a magister because she feels she is no longer up to the task, the task might succeed in the end, but Mathilde and Pan would have failed.
 
[X] [ROMANCE] Journeywoman Panoramia.

[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.

[X] Gretel, who's apparently spending her newly-earned wealth to make herself at home.

[X] Elder Hluodwica, High Priestess of Esmerelda and civilian leader of the Eight Peaks Halflings.

[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
 
[X] [ROMANCE] Magister Johann
[X] [ROMANCE] Baron Anton Kiesinger II
[X] [ROMANCE] The Ice Dragon of Karag Zilfin
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
[X] Kasmir, to see how he's keeping himself busy in Sylvania.
[X] Julia, to see what she has gotten up to as Stirland's most experienced spy master.
[X] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] The Gold College, to see what's become of their research into Skaven technology.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
 
Sure, if you want to count everything he did as succeeding in his ambition, then sure, but that's a bit of a reach.
Also, did we reverse engineer the rattling gun in a usable way? Like, is empire about to start building totallynota!rattling guns?
Like, i am not saying Johann has not succesfully done things, he has.

But we are talking of something like a major ambition, translating queekish (he was part of it, but as an assistant, not a driver, and it was not his ambition), feeding an entire karak be transforming a dead valley into a bread basket, building a super weapon like the sword of Gazul...
Like, i don't want to downplay his accomplishments, he has done stuff, even important stuff, but we are talking about something lot bigger than finding some pups and raising them.

The skaven tech we gave up, no longer his accomplishment.
There is value in the "well someone got it done", but that is not we are talking about, it's like Mathilde giving up on AV, or Pan calling in a magister because she feels she is no longer up to the task, the task might succeed in the end, but Mathilde and Pan would have failed.

I mean who are you comparing him to? Mathilde who is the PC and by that very nature is going to have more opportunities to do grand things or Panoramia who... grows crops. Not to put too fine a point on it but people have been growing crops for millennia. I'm sure the halflings would have managed something without her, maybe not as stable or not as rich, but grandiosity about 'starting from zero' aside the goal of growing a crop is much simpler than anything Johan proposed for himself, certainly much simpler than the things Mathilde as done.
 
Huh, I wonder how that happened? Did Alcadizzar get turned undead, as backlash from being at ground zero of the ritual of Nagash's that he was disrupting? Did somebody possess his corpse? Or bodyjack him? Did somebody raise him from the dead? Or is it just a descendant who looks almost like him? Or did they get a huge cache of Alcadizzar coins and decide to use them? Weird.
I don't think anyone else has answered this yet, so what happened was that when Strygos was being founded, Kadon found Alcadizzar's body on the banks of the Blind River. He worked out he was a king, had a barrow built for him and incidentally pinched the Crown of Sorcery while he was there.
 
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[X] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
[X] Kasmir, to see how he's keeping himself busy in Sylvania.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
[X] [ROMANCE] The Ice Dragon of Karag Zilfin
[X] The Gold College, to see what's become of their research into Skaven technology.
[X] Julia, to see what she has gotten up to as Stirland's most experienced spy master.
[X] Stirland, to see for yourself how the war against Sylvania is progressing.
[X] Pay a visit to your fief, to see if anything has changed. It probably hasn't.
 
Burrito Madness
A collection and collation of the Burrito madness. I'm pretty sure that's going to be a thing now, as a shorthand if nothing else. So any poor bugger who gets really confused can be pointed here and be enlightened. Or if anyone asks what thread madness means. You know it's proper thread madness when Boney joins in.

I have done some reordering and a few small edits to make things (a little) more comprehensible. For the full picture, please consult the thread. It's actually fairly compact. That also makes it easier to like all the funny posts, which you should do.

WARNING: May induce cravings for BURITTO, TACOS or OTHER DELICIOUS THINGS.
READ AT YOU OWN RISK.
A rule of thumb for any magic ideas: if you could use the exact same justification to create a delicious burrito, you're probably on the wrong track. This applies to spells that might confuse reality about whether or not you are holding a delicious burrito in your hand, to spells that blur the lines between an empty plate and a plate that holds a delicious burrito, and to spells that make reality forget that you have not visited a Mexican food truck recently.
I love this metaphor, because now when people are throwing about silly ideas I can just go CILANTRO CAVERN!
So blurring the line between a delicious burrito and a merely ok burrito doesn't fly (sounds like a really weird gold spell anyway, leaning into the prefection thing), but making someone think the burrito is delicous would be ok.

Well, we have all the pieces for Mathilde's Only Sometimes Delicious Burritos
MOSDB? That doesn't even make any sense!
...This seems to disqualify almost every possible spell. After all, "Get me a burrito or I'll do <HORRIBLE THING> to you" would make nearly any spell capable of producing you a delicious burrito, right? It's even a thematically Grey effect!
That spell already exists: Eye of the Beholder

Or at least it convinces everyone that the Burrito is awesome which is basically the same thing. @BoneyM : Does appearance include taste?
Not directly, but one could argue that a more aesthetically pleasing food will be thought of as tastier.

Algard was swapping two bits of sky, one with a sun in it and one without. It's quite easy for a Grey Wizard to make a burrito appear if they're allowed to make a burrito disappear somewhere else, that's basically the principle behind Smoke and Mirrors except Smoke and Mirrors swaps around wizards instead of burritos.
Now I just want to see a wizard miscast and somehow end up with a delicious burrito. Their reaction to a new dish made with exotic ingredients. Their slow descent into madness as they keep attempting to replicate it with magic in order to get just one more bite.
I always knew burritos were the work of the Plotter. Yet more proof that enchiladas are the superior tex-mex wrap.
I think it may be the ultimate work of the Thirsty One.
Such perfection, tempting mortals with pure sensation...
"... And so, in conclusion, it is optimal to take the burrito and eat it."
🌯

I laughed so hard that I cried. I love this thread.
I'd like to know what evil entity is responsible for the horrible hell poison that is cilantro. It is impossible to find a description of what cilantro is supposed to taste like, nor is it possible to find someone capable of articulating why they believe it tastes good. I can only conclude that cilantro is a memetic herb, using its psychic energies to convince people that it should be put into every dish ever. Soon, those of us genetically immune to its powers will be driven into extinction, as all food flavorings are replaced with cilantro.

But before that happens, I'd like to know what monster created cilantro. That way I can find them and feed them a burrito filled with nothing but cilantro.
Cilantro use was found in the neolithic and I believe they'd probably love a burrito.
Well now I want a burrito.
A wise cat. I want one too. Aha! I shall create a spell that allows for the creation of a small portal, between wherever I am, and where a delicious burrito is! And if we toss appropriate coinage back through the portal, we technically purchased it rather than stealing it... so, I will call it "Mathilde Absconds with Purchased Provender".

Voila! A burrito!
Okay, adding Lore of Burritos to the list of "Nice Things BoneyM Won't Let Us Have," right behind "trains."

To be fair, much like trains, there's a very good reason: Lore of Burritos would clearly be very overpowered.
@BoneyM can a Quaysh master make a tasty burrito?
Anyone can make burritos provided they have the right ingredients.
Do you want madness and dhar!? Because trying to make Quaysh to find out is how you get madness and dhar!

(Dhar's those little crawly things that attack picknicks, right?)
They're likely an elf, with all the ego that that implies, so... I guess it's as easy for them as making a wobbly chair is for Kragg.
A properly crafted burrito is a delicious work of art, worth invoking chaos and immersing yourself in dhar for.
Ways to make a burrito using Qhaysh.

1) With you mastery over magic, summon a burrito from the forbidden chaos pocket of Mexican street food.

2) Go to your presumably lavishly stocked pantry and use a combination of Telekinesis and Fire to assemble and cook a burrito.

3) Merge the bloodlines of a Maize plant, a beans plant and a cow to create an hybrid capable of producing prepackaged burritos, cook.

4) Teleport to, probably somewhere in the deep jungles of the Lizardmen empire and using your dominion of languages and shapeshifting, ask for a burrito.

5) Offer your magical services to a cook in exchange for a burrito.

6) Save the world from a chaos invasion, ask that the festival in your honor includes burritos.

7) Get a pair of burros, and then confuse the universe into accepting that the offspring of 2 burros must naturally be a burrito.
This is, uh, certainly the most unique manifestation of "waiting-for-an-update thread madness" I've seen in a while.

Also brings new meaning to the principle of "attacks that reduce their targets to chunky salsa."
We've seen what happens when Mathilde gets involved in pie making.

I really couldn't recommend eating any burrito she prepared.
When I make salsa, there's no cilantro. Just tomatoes, onions, garlic, chillies, and the exploded corpses of my fallen foes.
@BoneyM, please save us from this madness. :V
they said they are off for two days.

there is no hope... just bow to the Burrito gods...
Iä! Iä! Burrito fhtagn!
When they said there was no hope left, and that the endless armies of the Burrito Gods would consume the world, salvation arrived from the island of Ulthuan, as Teclis founded the Colleges of Tacos.

The Elves looked down upon the Colleges, as they believed that true tacos could only be created by masters of all eight ingredients single-handedly weaving them in harmony: Shell, Meat, Refried Beans, Cheese, Guacamole, Sour Cream, Lettuce, Onions. But Teclis departed from this wisdom and instead trained disciples of each individual ingredient, reasoning that a single ingredient may only be able to create a complete taco in collaboration but would still be worth perfecting on its own! Tortilla chips, Nachos, Bean Dip, French onion dip, all of these may only be inferior relatives of the true tacos, but they are still delicious. And so the Colleges were born.
BoneyM: You can't use magic to make burritos.

Thread: Immediately begins brainstorming how to use magic to make burritos.

Please, I beg of you, stop! Before our QM nerfs the entire Mexican Cookbook! :V
Trying to convince a Slann that a burrito stand on the corner of every city in the Old World is an integral part of the Great Plan may be one of the most difficult things a mortal is theoretically capable of doing.

At the same time, it may be one of the most important changes.
The Elves looked down upon the Colleges, as they believed that true tacos could only be created by masters of all eight ingredients single-handedly weaving them in harmony: Shell, Meat, Refried Beans, Cheese, Guacamole, Sour Cream, Lettuce, Onions. But Teclis departed from this wisdom and instead trained disciples of each individual ingredient, reasoning that a single ingredient may only be able to create a complete taco in collaboration but would still be worth perfecting on its own! Tortilla chips, Nachos, Bean Dip, French onion dip, all of these may only be inferior relatives of the true tacos, but they are still delicious. And so the Colleges were born.
Hmm.
We have access to 6 wind casters currently, Ghyran Shyish Chamon Aqshy Azyr and Ulgu. Cython is a Hysh caster, and I'm sure we can contact a Ghur caster interested in roaming the mountains of the badlands for a time.
Hmmmm.

Hmmmmm.
And so, the next business venture 'of direct and practical use to our cause' becomes clear:

Weber's Enchanted Burrito Express Ring of franchises across the Empire and Karaz Ankor.
Gives a new meaning to Ulgu Tongs Research, too.

Meat is clearly Ghur, of course.
Guac is Jade, perhaps.
Shell is Gold.
Lettuce is Celestial (wishy-washy pointless filler)
Refried Beans is Shyish (the beans must live on)
Sour Cream is Hysh. Clue is in the name, not the colour.
Salsa is Bright. Like a bit of heat.
Cheese is... Ulgu? Emphemeral state between solid and liquid as it melts. And very tasty.

And in counterpart to the WEBERs fast-food burritos, we have
Mathilde's Authentic Taco House, an Innovative Lively Degustative Experience
Ulgu is cheese checks out.
Ulgu makes reality stretchy like cheese?
Ulgu makes people who put on incredibly cheesy performances.
@BoneyM can a Quaysh master make a tasty burrito?
The techniques were lost in the Age of Betrayal. The Slann still have the required knowledge, but they don't know whether the Old Ones dictated flour or corn tortillas so none have been made since the First Generation died out.
The truth has been in front of us all along.

MATHILDE = DELI MATH

The Burrito is real.
Have they lost the knowledge of taco-making too?
The conflicts over whether tacos are a subset of burritos or vice versa are second only to Malekith in the amount of strife brought to Ulthuan.
Delis don't make burritos they make pastrami, which is, much like pizza, a superior food product.
Pizza is too powerful for this world.
Pah! You weak minded fools and your pizza. ALL shall bow before the power of the mighty Lamb Naga!
"A taco is a sandwich!" the Everchosen screams, kicking off the Endtimes.
Wait, wait, I think I know the appropriate response to this.
Why in the fuck does the thread resemble the inside of a mexican restaurant today
Boney made a comment about tortured logic in spell design.
And the thread didn't have a vote to chew on while waiting for Part 2 of the turn, so it went mad instead.
Because madness is best channelled into paths that are spicy and delicious.
Divided Loyalties: Extensive multi-decade plans to reshape the foundations of spellcraft, detailed political analysis, impassioned metaphysics debate.

Also Divided Loyalties: B U R R I T O
The Grey Order is going to send someone to make sure we haven't gone dark and when they look at our research notes it's just a taco bell menu.
"...at the bottom of this page the handwriting changes. She broke from her neatly formatted list and scrawled, in big letters, 'YO QUIERO TONGS', then circled it a few times. What do you suppose that means?"
If we make the Taco Bell menu we deserve Pacification.
"I've heard she's been interested in romance lately... perhaps it's simply a misspelling?"
I'm half-expecting to open this thread later and find that, somehow, the thread has concocted a burrito recipe integrating all the winds of magic, Ranald's blessing, dwarven runework, and the goop that Panoramia and the halflings have been feeding to their livestock.
Hmm. All we need is a mariachi band. I wonder where we could get one.

...In related news, I have a new theory about what anoqeyan sounds like.
We should get Halfling mariachis.
...How is it possible that I can't find a Mariachi cover of Waterloo on youtube? I didn't think it was possible to not find a cover of a song in a given style.
Mathilde decided removed it, so as to not tip people off about her master plan.
A final conclusion:
I've got one more, missed the opportunity before the update. Grey college mex-tex fast food slogan: a riddle, inside an enigma, wrapped in a tortilla.
 
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And if I wanted to reach/be silly:
Proof of Gods being Godly: Yes.
That's not being silly.

Johann conclusively discovering that the Ancestor Gods exist is both impressive and something he deliberately set out to do. He put "prove/disprove the divinty of dwarven artifacts" on his list of objectives and the madlad did it.

Frankly, if people want to sway me to board the Johann train, that's probably the nail that they should be hammering.
 
[X] [ROMANCE] Journeywoman Panoramia
[X] [ROMANCE] Elector Countess Roswita van Hal
[X] [ROMANCE] The Ice Dragon of Karag Zilfin

[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
 
No. He didn't. He completely succeeded. As a result of the work he performed, the Empire has gained what it needs to reverse engineer skaven tech.
I don't think that I'd credit Johann with deciphering Skaven tech. If people have captured Skaven tech before but gotten nowhere with it, then the reason it worked this time will have been Mathilde's deciphering of Queekish. If people have never captured Skaven tech before, then I have a feeling that Mathilde is much more responsible for the success of their tech-stealing expeditions than Johann is. If the key was that one book we found with the library of Skaven tech, then I'm pretty sure that that was also Mathilde's find, and it may even have been a solo Mathilde outing. Johann certainly contributed, but I think he's probably second author.
We don't actually know her magic score, but I think you're dead on with her being in third place. But I would point out that's inj a field where most of the local Wizards have Magic 4 or less. And when we get to spells, as far as we are aware, right now she has nine spells to Johann's 10, which while a numerically small, is not a sign of a steeper magical trajectory given the fact that Johann still does out spell her despite having a massive limitation to the number of spells he has available to learn, I think would indicate that he was far more eager in his pursuit of them, as if he were not, then that disadvantage should see him solidly losing (Or outright a perpetual).
The thing is, Johann's at 10 spells despite having been a Magister since before the start of the expedition, and I suspect that he learned those 10 spells before he hit Magister. Panoramia's still actively learning spells, including breaking through to FC which probably involved a +Magic somewhere. Johann's certainly putting in a spectacular amount of effort, but I'm not sure I'm seeing spectacular results. I'm not sure I've seen his capabilities transform the way Mathilde's or Panoramia's have. I guess he's gotten a lot better at punching things and not dying from being shot or gassed?
But it's also one that would have gotten done without her.
Hah, serendipitous. I already argued that I think it wouldn't have gotten done without her. Link here. Summarized, the halflings cite her as one of two things that made it possible (alongside the corpses of our enemies), and she says that the Eastern Valley's agriculture succeeds or fails entirely due to her performance.
In command? She's was hired by the Halflings, that doesn't make put her in charge of "A whole Chunk of the Karak". I'm not saying she doesn't have a position of authority, I don't know where you are getting Learning and Stewardship advisor from. But even if she was that'd still put her at
Belegar->Edda->Hludwica->Panoramia
I think that I saw something more like:
Belegar -> Edda -> Panoramia
Elder Hluodwica -> Panoramia

Guess it depends on where Hluodwica is exactly. Either way, see above about Panoramia being responsible for the success or failure of agriculture in Karak Eight Peaks. Theoretically she's "just" been hired to fix the soil, but in practice that means she's ultimately responsible for coordinating everything that goes into, comes out of, eats off of, or poops on the ground in the region. I'd have to go through quoting things, but IIRC her updates at the Duckling Club indicate that she's also been getting steadily more involved in the demand side of things and the planning and orchestration of the whole agriculture affair. I'm having trouble coming up with an equivalent that'd illustrate the principle outside serious-business engineering. Maybe think of her as the lead architect at an engineering company - the CEO can set a direction, the CFO handles the high-level budget strategy, the CTO can choose what market segment to target, but ultimately speaking she's the one that's actually doing all of the engineering and saying whether something can or can't be built.

edit:
This is one of the components of my impression that Panoramia's trajectory is steeper. Johann started out being able to cast Breach the Unknown and punch okay. He's now able to cast Breach the Unknown and punch impressively well. Panoramia started out being able to cast MC spells and make things grow. She's now able to cast FC spells and orchestrate agriculture for an entire region. And given that Panoramia is going to get involved in Waystones I have a feeling that she's going to keep going up like that.
I'm losing steam here, so apologies if I get brief.
No worries. I'm only going to reply to a few points here because the post size is getting unmanageable anyway. Sorry. >_>
 
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[X] [ROMANCE] Magister Johann

[X] Gretel, who's apparently spending her newly-earned wealth to make herself at home.

[X] The Amber College, to check in on the salamanders.
[X] The Gold College, to see what's become of their research into Skaven technology.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
[X] Pay a visit to your fief, to see if anything has changed. It probably hasn't.
 
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[X] [ROMANCE] Magister Johann

Johann somehow strikes a chord, I have the feeling that he'll go far yet.
 
I don't think anyone else has answered this yet, so what happened was that when Strygos was being founded, Kadon found Alcadizzar's body on the banks of the Blind River. He worked out he was a king, had a barrow built for him and incidentally pinched the Crown of Sorcery while he was there.
More on Alcadizzar! According to the Time Of Legends books, Alcadizzar is less a hero who stopped Nagash, and more an idiot who rejected his prophesied purpose to forever slay Nagash at the cost of his own life when he had repulsed Nagash's armies from Nehekhara and was in the middle of building ships to go after him. His grand-aunt-in-law or something was the Chosen Of Khsar (apparently Khsar was a rogue addition to the Nehekharan pantheon and so he didn't get completely wiped when the Covenant was broken) and she prophesied that Alcadizzar would defeat Nagash and die in the doing of such. She told him and asked him not to take his queen, her kinswoman with him. He chose to go 'fuck it I've done enough' and give Nagash the time to literally murder all of Nehekhara except for him. Fuck he didn't even kill Nagash on his own really. He was so fucking broken after seeing what Nagash did and enduring his torture that he was certifiably insane. The spirit of Nagash's sister-in-law/forced wife tricked him into thinking she was Alcadizzar's wife's spirit and handheld him through Nagashizzar to where Nagash was focusing a great ritual to raise the Tomb Kings and bind them to his service. She then distracted Nagash long enough for Alcadizzar to hit Nagash with the warpstone sword. She dissipated and Alcadizzar picked up the Crown Of Sorcery in a daze and wandered off to die, calling out to his wife as he did.

At the time of Alcadizzar's blunder Nehekhara had just figured out Wind-based magic to replace their lost divinities. If he had stayed the course basically the entire Warhammer world would have been better off, completely unrecognisable and Nagash would be Totally Permanently Dead.
 
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[X] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
[X] Kasmir, to see how he's keeping himself busy in Sylvania.
[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[X] The Gold College, to see what's become of their research into Skaven technology.
 
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[X] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
[X] Kasmir, to see how he's keeping himself busy in Sylvania.
[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
 
[X] [ROMANCE] Journeywoman Panoramia
[X] [ROMANCE] The Ice Dragon of Karag Zilfin
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
 
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[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] [ROMANCE] Magister Johann
[X] [ROMANCE] The Ice Dragon of Karag Zilfin
 
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[X] [ROMANCE] Magister Johann
[X] The Gold College, to see what's become of their research into Skaven technology.
[X] Elder Hluodwica, High Priestess of Esmerelda and civilian leader of the Eight Peaks Halflings.
[X] Follow up on your donation of the Skaven organ-vat, and see what has been made of it.
[X] Kasmir, to see how he's keeping himself busy in Sylvania.
[X] [ROMANCE] Journeywoman Panoramia
[X] Eike Hochschild, to get to know your future business partner.
[X] Belegar, to discuss the northern Karaks and the Expedition.
[X] Barak Varr, to watch the progress of the canal.
 
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Would it be all right if you can explain this further?
Back at the start of the expedition Pan was basically a Mathilde fan girl. She has, however, long since grown out of that, as her interactions with Mathilde on basically every occasion since the the first few peaks were conquered show.
 
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