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Warhammer Fantasy: Divided Loyalties - an Advisor's Quest

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I Am The Very Model of a Modern Magister Lord
  • Media
    • Angelform said:
    "I am the very model of a modern master magister."
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    To the tune of the Major General's Song

    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord,
    I've information mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I know the Winds of Magic, and study the lores heretical
    From Necromancy to Waaagh, in manner confidential.
    I'm very well acquainted too, with matters linguistical,
    I understand Eltharin, both spoken and cryptographical,
    About Queekish translation I come bearing a lot of reports,
    With many cheerful facts about the state of besieged Skaven forts.

    I'm very good at surreptitiously leading armies on campaigns;
    I know the secret places where the War Below has made champaigns:
    In short, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.

    I know our mythic history, the Old Ones and draconic tales,
    I meddle in trade affairs, I've a fond favour for setting up sales.
    I write of matters from the terrain to Thaumomycological,
    In faith I can advise on anomalies theological;
    I can tell certified Zhufbars from the Clan Skryres and Wissenlanders,
    I know the recipe to a pie that calls for two colanders!
    Then I can light a fire with a swig from a flagon most potent,
    And orchestrate with music so the simple task is not silent.

    Then I can write an explanation in Khazalid Klinkharun,
    And flee by shadowsteed Panoramia's retribution
    In short, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.

    In fact, when I can tell what is meant by a "mammoth" and "rampire,"
    When I can tell at sight a goblin shaman from a vampire,
    When such magics as divine and chaos are surely not for me,
    And when I know precisely how to make an Orb of Sorcery
    When I have learnt what progress has been made in my modern waystones,
    When I know more of Ranald than a priest faking his gambling loans
    In short, when I've a penchant for acquiring magical lore,
    You'll say that a better Magister Lord has never been before.

    For my influential Great Deeds, though I'm plucky and adventury,
    Have only taken place recently—less than half a century;
    But still, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.
     
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  • Media
    • I remember some pages ago there was a discussion of the unofficial nicknames of the Lord Magisters of the Grey Order, but I cannot seem to find it. Does anyone happen to know where I should be looking?
     
    Asherterix said:
    I remember some pages ago there was a discussion of the unofficial nicknames of the Lord Magisters of the Grey Order, but I cannot seem to find it. Does anyone happen to know where I should be looking?
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    Do you mean this?
    Boney said:
    You seem to be comparing Mathilde against some ideal frictionless spherical Grey Wizard in a vacuum. They're comparing her against what they've got: Broke Time And Claims It Was Deliberate, Quintuple Agent, Those Fucking Chaos Dwarves Still Sail Submarines Up The Reik To Drop Off Hobgoblin Assassins On Our Doorstep, Way Too Into Sigmar, Literally Stole Ghal Maraz, Left Naggaroth Worse Than He Found It, and their leader, When He Faked His Death A Rumour Spread That His Tower Was Filled With Dark Magic Books And Literally Every Enemy We've Got Apparently Finds It Super Plausible.
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    ReImagined said:
    To the tune of the Major General's Song

    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord,
    I've information mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I know the Winds of Magic, and study the lores heretical
    From Necromancy to Waaagh, in manner confidential.
    I'm very well acquainted too, with matters linguistical,
    I understand Eltharin, both spoken and cryptographical,
    About Queekish translation I come bearing a lot of reports,
    With many cheerful facts about the state of besieged Skaven forts.

    I'm very good at surreptitiously leading armies on campaigns;
    I know the secret places where the War Below has made champaigns:
    In short, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.

    I know our mythic history, the Old Ones and draconic tales,
    I meddle in trade affairs, I've a fond favour for setting up sales.
    I write of matters from the terrain to Thaumomycological,
    In faith I can advise on anomalies theological;
    I can tell certified Zhufbars from the Clan Skryres and Wissenlanders,
    I know the recipe to a pie that calls for two colanders!
    Then I can light a fire with a swig from a flagon most potent,
    And orchestrate with music so the simple task is not silent.

    Then I can write an explanation in Khazalid Klinkharun,
    And flee by shadowsteed Panoramia's retribution
    In short, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.

    In fact, when I can tell what is meant by a "mammoth" and "rampire,"
    When I can tell at sight a goblin shaman from a vampire,
    When such magics as divine and chaos are surely not for me,
    And when I know precisely how to make an Orb of Sorcery
    When I have learnt what progress has been made in my modern waystones,
    When I know more of Ranald than a priest faking his gambling loans
    In short, when I've a penchant for acquiring magical lore,
    You'll say that a better Magister Lord has never been before.

    For my influential Great Deeds, though I'm plucky and adventury,
    Have only taken place recently—less than half a century;
    But still, in matters mystical, lexical, and the greatsword,
    I am the very model of a modern Magister Lord.
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    Problem is, Mathilde is actually good at everything. The joke with this song was that the general was good at everything except war.

    For the joke to work, she should be comically inept at what her job is while being good at everything else.
     
    storryeater said:
    Problem is, Mathilde is actually good at everything. The joke with this song was that the general was good at everything except war.

    For the joke to work, she should be comically inept at what her job is while being good at everything else.
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    Not being noticed?

    Socially i mean. A target doesnt count. The others know she is there,and that she is doing something. With the something being really obviius sometimes. But we really put in the effort to be unforgettable.


    Man i hope we never get that mark.
     
    Narasan said:
    Not being noticed?

    Socially i mean. A target doesnt count. The others know she is there,and that she is doing something. With the something being really obviius sometimes. But we really put in the effort to be unforgettable.
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    That's probably fair.
    Boney said:
    But we are the Grey Order. Our work is rarely seen and even rarer appreciated. Temper your expectations accordingly. A job performed well needs to be its own reward, for we so rarely see any other."
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    If this had been meant as a job description, rather than as an insightful piece of managerial motivation for a promising young Magister on their promotion, then we could be seen as pretty bad at the job.
     
    Patriarch of Light
  • Media
    • "Patriarch of Light" (incomplete)
    (Vicar of Bray Parody).

    View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7SM4MLQNPI
    attempts at rhyme were thrown out the window, Eichenherz of Grey College was the preceding Patriarch per info page, this was the product of 20 minutes, so bear with me


    In Emperor Dieter's golden days
    When competition no harm meant.
    A zealous light patriarch man I was
    so Eichenherz's no opponent.

    Unto the college so I preached
    The first supreme came from white I followed
    And futile are those that challenge me
    Volan's rightful heir that is me.


    CHORUS
    And these are the articles I will maintain
    Unto my dying days, Sir.
    That whosoever Volan's staff may wield
    I will be the patriarch of light, Sir.



    When storm of magic came to Altdorf
    And loyalty no good meant
    A victim to Tzeetch's spawn Horx was I
    So I was locked up in Crystaline

    Into the vaults the traitor went
    The first patriarch's book he defiled
    So perished all the patriarchs
    Who couldn't see the storm coming like me



    CHORUS
    And these are the articles I will maintain
    Unto my dying days, Sir.
    That whosoever Volan's staff may wield
    I will be the patriarch of light, Sir.


    A night of thousand duels commence
    An end to the colleges' fraternity
    So Patriarch supreme and alone I was
    Sole voice of reason in the storm

    The brash red flame no wisdoms meant
    The college's doom they invited
    I banished the templars from my hall
    And mourned the death of my rash peers.

    CHORUS

    And these are the articles I will maintain
    Unto my dying days, Sir.
    That whosoever Volan's staff may wield
    I will be the patriarch of light, Sir.

    ........
     
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  • Media
    • Ademonsdream said:
    Huh, I wasn't expecting to abruptly be caught up. Gotta say, this has been a fun read if a bit strange in what folks decide to focus on.
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    Did you think it was really weird how much time people spent on the sewers too? Like, I was pretty new to the WHF fandom when I picked it up and I was like "why did they pass up so many awesome options for training and equipping the watch in favor of sewers and doggos?" It just made no sense at all. Until I eventually learned about the skaven and how in most major cities they are down there.
     
    Glau said:
    Did you think it was really weird how much time people spent on the sewers too? Like, I was pretty new to the WHF fandom when I picked it up and I was like "why did they pass up so many awesome options for training and equipping the watch in favor of sewers and doggos?" It just made no sense at all. Until I eventually learned about the skaven and how in most major cities they are down there.
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    No they did it for the doggos. No other reason than to give adorable dogs to people.
     
    Yeah, in hindsight that was pretty weird. Like readers know the reason. And people in the world have to assume she knows, because the alternative is insane. What, Mathilde focused significant effort in guarding waste management for no reason? No, she has to know. But she didn't know. Mathilde is just a total weirdo and she got away with it due to the impossible luck of there just happening to be a hidden conspiracy hiding billions of enemies in the sewers. Crazy.
     
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