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Puella Magi Adfligo Systema

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http://pastebin.com/K6Q8U5DE

Decided to put all compiled quest on one pastebin. I'll only clutter thread every chapter this way!


EDIT: GAAAAH HOW DO I TURN OFF AUTOMATIC MEDIA GASDFGASDGASDJFASLJSFALDFGASJKDFD
EDIT2: Got it now.
EDIT3: Thanks, Firnagzen!
 
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Here's a trimmed down version, removing all the specifics of the dialogue except for the line to Akiko and Sakura. Loses most of the presentation tone (some of which I felt was necessary for conveying the requests properly), but drops four lines and shortens the rest of them significantly. Some of the reductions are ok, others I'm a bit less happy with, but it's about as much as I can convert it to directives instead of dialogue and still contain all the original points.

Edit: It also doesn't really change anything with respect to managing the conversation, if that was a concern. It's still: introduction, what to do on refusal, what to do on acceptance.

Thoughts?

[] To Akiko+Sakura: Whatever you're thinking of doing right now, stop. Calm down. I'll get Rin back, but if you pop in right now things could get messy. We don't want this to escalate again.
[] To University:
-[] Remind them that we're not here to fight; can confirm with Inoue.
-[] Request Rin revival. We know they don't really want to kill her. Allow them to keep Rin as a 'hostage'/'spokesperson'.
[] If they refuse:
-[] We're not making a demand, just requesting a show of good faith; it would help keep Sendai from doing something impulsive.
-[] Explain some of our purpose here, regarding stopping Sendai's extortion and offering grief services.
-[] Allow for the possible use of Rin's services, if they have a specific need for that.
[] If they agree:
-[] Revive Rin. Provide familiar presence to avoid unintended reactions.
[] Move to an acceptable location for discussions, explain our position, and start getting their story.

Edit 2: Looking at it, I think I'd prefer to keep the To University: section as dialogue, while changing the refuse/agree sections to directives. The intro can set the tone, while the others can be simplified to directives more easily. I'd probably go for a trimming like this:

[] To Akiko+Sakura: Whatever you're thinking of doing right now, stop. Calm down. I'll get Rin back, but if you pop in right now things could get messy. We don't want this to escalate again.
[] To University:
-[] As I'm sure you're aware from your contact with Miss Inoue, we'd like to get this entire mess settled without further bloodshed.
-[] While I understand the point of taking Rin out of the fight during the combat itself, it's also clear that you don't want to actually kill her.
-[] As such, can we get her back on her feet while we discuss things? This is likely to take a while, and I don't want her or her body harmed.
-[] The rest of the Sendai group is staying away for now. You can hold onto Rin as... their spokesperson for this discussion.
[] If they refuse:
-[] We're not making a demand, just requesting a show of good faith; it would help keep Sendai from doing something impulsive.
-[] Explain some of our purpose here, regarding stopping Sendai's extortion and offering grief services.
-[] Allow for the possible use of Rin's abilities, if they have a specific need for that.
[] If they agree:
-[] Revive Rin. Provide familiar presence to avoid unintended reactions.
[] Move to an acceptable location for discussions, explain our position, and start getting their story.
 
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To be honest it's probably too late to change the vote up. Actually, changing it right now might actually do more harm than good. It's just something to bear in mind when crafting future votes.
 
Cannongerbil said:
To be honest it's probably too late to change the vote up. Actually, changing it right now might actually do more harm than good. It's just something to bear in mind when crafting future votes.
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Yeah, I agree. At this point it's just thoughts on ways to improve things.

I'm trying to get a better handle on crafting different aspects of each vote (such as when to use dialogue to set tone, and when to use directives for more general approaches), since there's almost never any direct feedback on the nuanced nature of how the vote is written, only larger debates over major (or minor) points intermixed with bandwagoning. And once the bandwagoning starts, it's often difficult to get minor tweaks accepted.

I don't often get a chance to offer objections or alternatives at the start of the voting period since the updates tend to be quite late at night, when I'm asleep. I do want people to criticize and critique my proposals, though, so I can refine and improve them — not just on the points, but on the methods and presentation — even for proposals that are never going to get any support (which is the vast majority of them, for me).
 
Ugolino said:
Cannon. Wall of text votes are fine. They will not make the quest catch fire just by existing.
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The major issue with wall of text votes is that I makes it difficult properly critique and encourages mindless bandwagoning, not to mention that if an argument does happen over wall of text votes, more often than not it swiftly devolves into a shitstorm.
 
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Seeing as it's easy to lose perspective after a 12+-page shitstorm, here's a simplified list of goals we need to accomplish, in order:

1) Calm the Sendai group down. Assure them that we will ensure that Rin will be okay, so long as she calms down and stops running away. Assure them that no one (looking at you, Sakura) will make a move, and if they do, Sabrina will come down on them hard.

2) Convey to University group a similar message. That no more fighting will be happening, and if anyone does try anything, they will get shut down in short order by the Mitakihara group. Mention that you told the Sendai group the same thing.

3) Secure Rin's body (or ask someone else to do it, whatever); even if we don't reconnect the Soul Gem with it immediately, having it on hand will make everything easier (and put Sendai's minds at ease somewhat).

4) Revive Rin as soon as is practical; she's a healer, Sendai is going to be very on-edge until she's visibly okay (even if she's in UG's hands), and it's a time-sensitive issue that we don't want hanging over our heads for too long.

5) Calm everyone the fuck down, and calmly get both sides of the story so that we can figure out the best course of action.
 
Well, THAT Happened.

Right. Voting!

[x] To Sakura:
-[x] CALM DOWN! I'll get Rin back, but I can't guarantee it if you pop in right now.
[x] To Akiko:
-[x] Whatever you're thinking of doing right now, stop. Calm down. We'll get Rin back. This can still be resolved peacefully, but I need to be sure that things won't escalate before that.
[x] To University:
-[x] As I'm sure you're aware from your contact with Miss Inoue, we'd like to get this entire mess settled without further bloodshed.
-[x] While I understand the point of taking Rin out of the fight during the combat itself, it's also clear that you don't want to actually kill her.
-[x] As such, can we get her back on her feet while we discuss things? This is likely to take a while, and I don't want her or her body harmed.
-[x] The rest of the Sendai group is staying away for now. You can hold onto Rin as... their spokesperson for this discussion.
[x] If they refuse:
-[x] We're asking it as a gesture of good faith on your part, to mirror ours of bringing the current fighting to a halt.
-[x] We don't want to give Sendai reason to believe that our negotiations here are doomed to fail, causing them to act... impulsively.
-[x] We intend to deal with the extortionate behavior that Sendai has been engaging in, that has been making life difficult for others.
-[x] With our grief manipulation ability, we can largely eliminate grief seed resource issues, rendering the extortion pointless.
-[x] If you have a specific need for Rin and her abilities, we can see about addressing that right now, before we move to the broader discussions.
[x] If they agree:
-[x] Travel as a group to Rin's body and revive her. Preferred method is Sabrina kneeling over her, getting handed the soul gem, and placing the soul gem against Rin where she can see it when she revives.
-[x] Move to an acceptable location for discussions, explain our position, and start getting their story.
 
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"We've Got Hostiles" pt. 17
  • Threadmarks
    • You cast your mental grasp out, snagging Sakura, too. "Whatever you're thinking of doing right now, stop. Calm down. I'll get Rin back, but if you just drop right in here, things will get messy. And nobody wants that - least of all you."

    "Fuck! Fuck! Fuc-" Sakura's coarse voice spits in your head, and then abruptly chokes off.

    Silence from that end, then Sakura again, voice ragged. "Fine. Fine. So fucking help me you will save Rin or I will rip you a new asshole."

    "Yep," you agree, and close that connection. Mami touches you lightly on the elbow, and points off in the distance. "There," she murmurs. Following her direction, you can see four figures standing on a distant building beyond your sensing range, silhouetted by the setting sun. One sitting, one kneeling beside the sitting figure, one standing, and one pacing angrily. You'll guess that last one's Sakura.

    The University Girls look over, too, and their faces shift. Some trepidation, a generous helping of worry, and a dash of horror, on Chouko and Yuko's face.

    You step forward onto the roof, picking your way carefully around the thick carpet of roots digging into the concrete. Mami and Kirika follow, too, Mami fastidiously avoiding the roots while Kirika blithely clomps over them. The white haired girl -Rei?- jolts, and looks back at the three of you.

    The carpet you dissolve behind you, coalescing its material to join the spheres drifting idly about, and you cough lightly, drawing the attention of the rest of the girls back to you. You straighten, tilting your chin up a hair. "So, as I'm sure you know from Miss Inoue, we're here to... settle this mess without further bloodshed."

    Chouko nods slowly. "She told us, yes," she says.

    "OK," you say. "I understand why you wanted to take Rin out of the fight... I don't think you guys actually want to kill her. Or anyone. Am I wrong?"

    The winged girl shakes her head. "No," she says, swallowing. "I mean no, you're right."

    "Then would you be alright if we put her back in her body while we discuss things?" you ask. "This... is probably going to take a while, and I don't want her or her body harmed."

    You hold up a placating hand, as they alarmed looks dart between them. "Look," you say. "The rest of the Sendai girls will be staying away for now, and if they pop in, we-" you gesture at yourself, Mami, and Kirika, "-will subdue them. Rin can stay as... your prisoner, and their spokesperson for this discussion. But please, can I ask that you do this as... a gesture of good faith?"

    Chouko cracks. "I... we need out, Miss Sabrina. We can't go on like this." She gestures helplessly. "We... we can't."

    "I understand," you say. "I... OK, look. I manipulate Grief." You wave at the spheres of Grief drifting about you. "That's my power, and thanks to that, I pretty much eliminate Grief Seeds resource issues."

    Chouko freezes. All the University group girls do.

    "Could you... demonstrate?" she asks carefully.

    "Sure," you agree, reaching for your own Soul Gem, and pulling it off. You hold it out to them, clearly showing the traces of corruption swirling within its depths, and siphon off the filmy darkness with a careless gesture of your other hand.

    "I- we," Chouko looks at her friends. "Could we do... could you help us?"

    You check their levels of corruption again - none of them are anywhere near critical, but neither are they running clean, either. More pertinently, perhaps, is that they have three Grief Seeds between four of them. Rin's Soul Gem is quiescent, sitting quietly in Yuko's pocket, it seems.

    [] Agree
    [] Disagree
    [] Write-in

    =====​

    Corrected a mistake, incidentally - Suzuki Rei Haru is plant girl, Haru Rei is paper girl.

    Holding in abeyance these bits, as needed:
    -[X] We don't want to give Sendai reason to believe that our negotiations here are doomed to fail, causing them to act... impulsively.
    -[X] We intend to deal with the extortionate behavior that Sendai has been engaging in, that has been making life difficult for others.
    -[X] With our grief manipulation ability, we can largely eliminate grief seed resource issues, rendering the extortion pointless.
    -[X] If you have a specific need for Rin and her abilities, we can see about addressing that right now, before we move to the broader discussions.
    -[X] Travel as a group to Rin's body and revive her. Preferred method is Sabrina kneeling over her, getting handed the soul gem, and placing the soul gem against Rin where she can see it when she revives.
    [X] Move to an acceptable location for discussions, explain our position, and start getting their story.
     
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