I'm still convinced people are overestimating the benefits of hiring Celena in preparation for the near future. Narratively, it feels like Celena and Malf are being set up as a one-or-the-other option. I don't think having both at the same time will work out unless we put significantly more effort than a single chat in ahead of time.
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
The issue is mostly just Malf is horrifcally intolerable and will do anything to keep our occult from expanding. In a time when we need occult expansion. Even if we recruited from the recruit action he'd be a nightmare to deal with.
I don't want to wait another year to nab Celena, which is what is likely what will happen we try to make him chill with her. Which I don't even know is possible btw. We need a major occult hitter to help deal with the increasing number of occult threats.
The Dream Queen is out, a Queen of Mewni is running around, Demona is racing us to Star, We have a weird ass cult in San Fransokyo who probably worship Bill Cypher. Artemis Fowl is interested in us. We might eventually have the Skeleton King show up depending how much beyond will be involved. We have one dedicated Occult Hero, who is only that because we have an archmage in a goosestaff helping her. All our other occult are technically a completely different unit type primarilly, or in Tom's case, not avaliable very often.
Celena is the strongest Mage we likely will ever have access to, she is also able to tie into the Star vs Story very well and give us access to potions and divinations. Malf, love him or hate him, isn't capable of changing at his core. At least, not unless we spend many turns talking with him, since that is the only way we will be able to even reach out to him. He is also worried about being replaced, which if we spend a decent amount of time not replacing him after he got Celena he will get over.
It's both easier and more efficent to nab Celena, then calm down Malf then spend 6 turns using a personal to try and force Malf to be ok with Celena, while also potentially provoking him with more new hires!
- Location
- The Hub
*Thinking of Russ* Or forgotten.
KnownParadox
Not a sphere
- Location
- Canada
Celena is better than Malf in every way, besides self-confidence, I say dump the old fart, exorcise him, and refurbish the castle for Celena.
Let's not treat our family members as disposable. Malf has done nothing to deserve being exorcised, it'd be immensely hypocritical of Doof, and it's directly contrary to what we've been trying to make DEI into.
Besides, Celena's value stems from being a powerful Occult unit who isn't stuck in the council. If we need to get rid of Malf in order to get her, then that's only a slight improvement that's not worth the hassle of making an enemy of one of our council members.
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Yeah, keeping Malf is fine. He isnt worth delaying Celena but we can probably calm him down enough his pathetically short attention span latches onto something else!
- Location
- The Hub
I want to find a way pour him into a Golem so he take up knitting or something.
I'm still not convinced he's not worth delaying Celena. Or more accurately, I'm convinced Celena is a lot more valuable if we don't do a rush job.
I'm really not sure where you get the idea he has a short attention span. He's basically Doof, holding grudges for years is to be expected. And he's a ghost on top of that, so he's had centuries to perfect the art of stewing in resentment.
- Location
- USA
Pretty sure we have to choose one to be on the council and the other one leaves, getting both is not happening.
IIRC QM said in the thread earlier that Celena can just leave when Malf antagonizes her.
That was if we tried to force Celena to be Malf apprentice, not if she is summoned and malf is present.
Thing is, even setting aside the scumminess of kicking Malf to the curb and replacing him with Celena, if we don't get to keep both I'm not sure she's worth hiring. Malf plays a valuable role in our council by voting in favor of the morally questionable actions that our more good-aligned council members balk at, making it harder for them to veto us and easier for us to overturn a veto via negotiation.
If we replace him with Celena, then we're back in the same pickle as we are now, with one good Occult unit in the councilor slot and a bunch of mediocre ones to assign to actions. Only now, our council will be a lot more heavily skewed towards not doing anything supervillainous, seriously limiting our actions going forward.
If we replace him with Celena, then we're back in the same pickle as we are now, with one good Occult unit in the councilor slot and a bunch of mediocre ones to assign to actions. Only now, our council will be a lot more heavily skewed towards not doing anything supervillainous, seriously limiting our actions going forward.
I mean Malf has proven his Votes arent even that good. He suffers hard from "Bad at Everything" syndrome; where he cant do anything but counciler, but also he sucks on council offering useless advice and veto'ing actions for not reason, or, if he has one, because he is insecure.
Recruiting other Mages will run into the same issue, he wants to be court Wizard. He WANTS to be in charge. And he is so insecure in his rampant incompetance that he will do anything to get his way.
Malf is an idiot, a useful idiot, but one that straddles a ver fine line between "Good Counciler" and "Yet Another Max". If we cant get Celena without him ruining everything it sets a terrible example both for the other councilers (Malf can throw a hissy fit and get what he wants, so why cant we?) And for the future of the quest as we wont be able to expand our occult.
I am fine with waiting for a single talk and his malus to resolve itself, but We should recruit Celena by th end of Summer.
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- Location
- Bloomington, IN
My issue with Malf is that he reminds me of LOVEMUFFIN, a hero with interesting and useful quirks that nonetheless becomes far more trouble than they are worth on account of being petulant morons that will gladly tear the rest of our operation apart in their tantrums. I'm all for trying to resolve this situation amicably, but I don't want action after action futilely trying to salvage a sinking ship until he decides to attack our city.
Tbh I feel like if we were losing Malf or Celena, considering one of them is currently on the council and the other is the entire point of the action, it would be the sort of thing that would be blatantly telegraphed to us on some level that it would be one or the other. Like, Malf is still positive loyalty and beyond his minor loyalty penalty there hasn't been any indications this would immediately sink him into irreparable territory.
Yeah this is the big reason I feel Malf wont be to hard.
Malf is ultimately Doofenshirtz, and Celena is just someone he thinks has wronged him but hasnt really. Once the year passes and he realizes celena didnt replace him... well he'd still hate her, but likely not to the same obsessive degree.
Malf also likely... wont really do to much to Celena beyond Unnerve her. He is to incompetant to really do much more then mild bullying. Which yeah thats wrong but not something that will make her choose the hellish existance in the Realm of Magic over. Especially since she has friends in the Vagabonds.
Looking over our options last turn, his votes are pretty good, actually. He mostly vetoes stuff that gets passed anyways, and is the deciding "pass" vote on a decent number of options. Even despite the fact that he was vetoing a lot more stuff than usual last turn out of spite over summoning Celena.
Quest: Tropical Paradise- We’d Be In The Audience Too
- Location
- Pennsylvania
The complex crystals, generated by intense heat and pressure, half-melted and refused by the lava flow that forged these vulcan depths, would be both beautiful and fascinating if you were not moving past them at the approximate speed of nobody's business. If one thing can be said for giant Easter Island statues, they are thankfully not that fast. Still though, even as your group leaves them behind in the twists and turns of the lava tubes, you can still feel their stomping in the earth, their footfalls like a herd of wild beasts. Wildebeests.
"Feldrake!" You cry out as you run. "How hard is it to break this seal or whatever it is? Because we might need that army sooner than you thought!"
"Just crack the mantle keeping the lava under wraps. With these idiots chasing us instead of holding them back, it should be easy peasy lava demon squeezy."
You grumble in between the panting. "Why do I get the feeling it's going to be difficult difficult lava demon difficult?"
"Because you are wiser than you are creative." The fox riding your shoulders responds.
You attempt a double take on your own neck. "How did you-"
"It seems we have arrived." Kitsune talks past you.
The tunnel finally widens out into a vast caldera. An uncomfortable heat roils against your skin even from the tunnel's edge, barely-solidified stone edged through with cracks of molten orange. A patch of sky is visible far above you at the volcano's peak, showing the fading light of dusk through its craggy aperture. Occasionally a sound will reverberate through the space, like some vast body slamming against the underside of the earth, and a gout of steam will vent through the cracks.
"The temperature of the rock below us is likely to be approximately 700 degrees Celsius." Lizzy states.
"Yeah yeah, I'll get it. Chill out." Feldrake replies as Janna lets loose an arctic blast from his mouth. "Heh, heh. Chill out."
Once the basin floor appears to be more or less not-burny, you carefully slide down from the tunnel to the flash-cooled floor. You frown at the barely-warm surface. "You know, I'm pretty sure that convection from the rest of the room should still be flash cooking me."
"It's magic you nimrod!" Feldrake Feldrakes.
"I know it's magic!" You reply, annoyed to have your musing interrupted. "I've seen more 'it's magic' than you'll ever pull."
You begin walking forwards. At the center of the room is an obvious bubble of barely-congealed magma; probably the mantle Feldrake was talking about. One firm pop and they'll burst right out and you can finally be done with this.
"I doubt that." Feldrake scoffs, but Janna can't help but snort. That's the most you've gotten out of her in a while, come to think of it. Your thoughts on the matter almost progress to the point of full consideration before it is overtaken by the fundamental desire to not let him win. "And for your information, 'nimrod' means 'mighty hunter'. So there."
"Of course it means 'mighty hunter', what else would it mean?" Feldrake complains. "I was being sarcastic!"
"...I'm going to go free the army now."
No, you are not.
"No, I am not", you agree.
Wait. What?
A blinding light pours forth from the roof of the caldera, forcing you to cover your eyes. It completely drowns the thin lines of magma flowing beneath your feet, filling the room with otherworldly ambiance.
A bulky figure begins to slowly float down from the rim, suspended in a beam of light. It is wide, yes, but far, far taller than it is wide, nearly twice your height. It is only when the figure touches down on the floor, apparently unbothered by the near-molten rock beneath him, that the light begins to fade.
The figure is covered in thick plated armor which looks like nothing you have ever seen or used. Its design is clearly inhuman, its light green contours bulky about the shoulders and rib cage and apparently nonexistent on the hindarm or thighs. More armor covers the lower legs and forearms, containing gangly limbs tipped in black, clawlike digits that may or may not have actual flesh beneath them. A simple domed helmet covers the being's head, rendering it fully obscured were it not for the pair of glowing red lights that probably cover eyes. A long, thin weapon of uncertain origin lies held loosely in one hand.
"Well, crud. It's an alien." Lizzy says calmly.
"Correct. And yet, misleading." The figure replies in a bifurcated voice. Two tones, disconcertingly out of synch, blend together as the figure speaks. The first is masculine, deep and filled with gravel, but the second is artificial, cold and synthesized.
"You sound weird." Lizzy comments, causing all further trains of thought to reroute as you turn around. "Lizzy!"
She shrugs. After a few moments of frustration, you turn around.
The figure takes your measure stoically as it removes its helmet. Beneath it is a face that seems carved of stone. Literally.
"You're a Moai?" You ask, confusion and caution warring over the contents of your tone.
"I am what inspired the Moai. My name is Nokkar." Nokkar places his helmet under his arm. "For more than seven centuries I have kept watch over this world, protecting it from those who seek to-"
"You mean like the GalFed?" Dennis the Duck asks.
He looks at the duck for a moment. "I am… aware of their activities." He replies.
"Dennis?!?" you ask, whirling around yet again. "I told you to watch Della!"
"Yeah! I came here to tell you Della's on her way. I estimate she'll be here in about one establishing dialogue, give or take."
You sigh. "Great. Okay listen big guy, we're not invaders."
"I am aware. I met your hound on the way here. His loyalty does you credit."
There is a sudden flare of heat (well, more heat. Volcano.) beside you as Kitsune bursts into her true(?) form, crimson tails whipping wildly behind her.
She speaks very slowly, each word a knife point. You think she might be upset. "And where did you happen to find him?"
Nokkar immediately hefts his sidearm, aiming down the sight at Kitsune in a single practiced motion. "Fear not. He rests soundly and is unharmed." Despite his reassuring words his twin tones are terse, clipped, and with perhaps a hint that the same may soon not be said of you. "What are you? Are you one of Goliath's kind? These… Gar-goyles?"
Kitsune holds her stance for what feels like an excruciatingly long time, until finally she closes her eyes and her tails slowly fade back to translucency. "The traditional name is the Third Race."
You try not to look at the fireball she's holding behind her back.
"I am not familiar." Nokkar replies, giving no sign of whether he recognizes the continued threat. "Yet I have had cause as of late to acknowledge my own ignorance."
Nokkar moves the barrel of his gun away from Kitsune, not lowering the weapon but de-escalating the situation from a pointed death threat to a more generalized promise of possible violence.
"Bring Amur here first. I would prefer to see his state myself." Kitsune returns, her face a mask as stony as Nokkar's own. "If you would be so inclined."
"We're… kinda in a hurry." You comment, but Kitsune deigns not to hear you.
Nokkar waves a hand, and something soars over the lip of the crater above you, filling the caldera again with blinding light before soaring off into the night. "I will do as you ask. In return, I must demand that you do as I ask: Leave this place."
Janna rolls her eyes.
Kitsune does not respond.
"I know why you have come." Nokkar says simply. "This is a sacred place, and a place of danger. I have taken it as my charge as much as this world. I cannot allow you to free the monsters inside, and I will use all that is at my disposal to prevent it."
You hiss uncomfortably. This is not going how you'd hoped it would. You can see Feldrake trying to convince Janna to take a potshot now while he's distracted, Lizzy patiently waiting for you to decide what to do, Dennis idly bouncing, and Kitsune. You have no idea if Kitsune is going to leap forward and attack Nokkar or not. Possibly neither does she.
Before you can come up with a better response than 'Yes, but actually no', a rapidly growing commotion along the tunnel you just passed through heralds the arrival of the Moai that were apparently… carved? In Nokkar's image, a small stampede of trampling stone feet that leap down into the caldera without any concern for the boiling heat. Massive gouts of steam rise from the volcanic floor with each pair of stomping feet, and you hear a hiss that could almost be called… pained… as they land.
"Hey boss!" One of the Moai says, looking to Nokkar and saluting. "I see you caught the interlopers."
"We're not interlopers." Lizzy objects.
"Yeah!" Dennis agrees. "Nokkar says we're invaders!"
"He didn't say that!" you snap.
"I was going to say supervillains." Lizzy snarks.
"Listen, will everyone just calm down??!" You ask uncalmly. "I need to think for a second-"
No such reprieve is granted as the tunnel once more bursts forth with your hourly headache in the form of the ducks. All five of them you saw before, plus a gangly one in a massive fuzzy red sleeping cap, the kind no one has worn since 1880 or so.
"Not so fast!" Della declares, before falling down the cliff in a feather-flying tangle. She immediately stands up on reaching the bottom. "Not so fast!"
You consider pointing out that nothing has been going fast at all, and just about stop yourself.
"You're not going to keep those free spirits imprisoned any longer!"
"What?" Feldrake squawks.
"What?" You also squawk.
"Not now!" Nokkar yells in frustration, clearly unsure which group to aim at. You attempt to sidle closer to the blatant mantle bubble roiling at the center of the room, an action that earns you a stern look and a "Do not test me."
You breathe. "Fine, fine. Okay, look. We can talk this out. We can talk, and we can be reasonable, and we can not end up fighting each other over this stupid… evil-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
You are interrupted by the appearance of a bright pink bird with a brilliant red plume, wearing a blue and white striped shirt. Specifically, you are interrupted by said bird appearing as if from nowhere to scream directly into Nokkar's face.
"What-?!" He yells, staggering backwards.
"What the heck is that?" Dewey asks.
"The perfect distraction." Della replies. "C'mon everyone, get 'em!"
"Get who?" Huey asks.
"We'll figure it out later. Charge!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The bird screams again.
===
Random Event Roll Revealed!
56: The Aracuan Bird pays a visit, interrupts one action this turn.
===
Dennis looks oddly morose at the bird's appearance. "Oh, hi Ari." he says. "Darn it. We're running out of straight men."
The Araquan bird kisses Nokkar full on the lips. It makes an inordinately loud, wet smacking sound, and the alien sentinel seems at a loss for just long enough for Della and her duck dynasty to jump him. Gladstone more… saunters after them.
Dennis turns and frowns. "See what I mean?"
Della Martial Check: WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
22% CoS, 8- 99+
40+16+20(Fethry Duck)+20(Duck Rage)=96
Nokkar contest
78% CoS 2- 93+
6+30+25(Moai Horde)+35(Ancient Guardian's Tools)=96
Tie!
Della leaps at Nokkar, limbs flailing, fists swinging, a ball of vim and pluck and also quacking. With a swell of bravery and decades of adventuring experience, she gallantly soars directly into Nokkar's open hand, which closes around her body with little apparent effort. He brings her closer after a moment, looking at her curiously.
"Why are you here?" Nokkar asks.
Della headbutts him in the face.
"Agh!" Nokkar exclaims, dropping Della in order to clutch at his temples.
"Ow, my face!" Della complains, clutching hers in turn.
"Why do we always get into these sorts of situations." You ask, but don't really ask.
"Money." Lizzy suggests. "Also friendship?"
"Donald." Dennis agrees.
"I live for this." Janna explains.
You sigh. You're about to take the opportunity to sneak up on the mantle when you realize you aren't being given the chance.
Gladstone Martial Check: Be an Obstacle
13% CoS, 9- 100+
91+16+4+20=131
Marco contest
87% CoS, 9- 90+
97+6+36+29+10(Marcnificent Few)+7(Jo-Lan)+7(PMC)+5(Only My Enemies)+5(Safe Kid)=207
Critical Failure
Standing in your path is a goose with a perfectly coiffed hairdo, a relaxed gait, aviator sunglasses, and a coconut cocktail. He looked at you with a relaxed smirk. "Alright, put up your dukes or whatever."
"Dude," you reply. "You are reaaally not ready for combat. "I suggest you just turn around an-"
Sluuuurrp.
You blink. Halfway through your sentence, Gladstone begins sucking on the straw sticking out of his coconut. He takes a moment to fail to appreciate the complex flavors before turning back to you. "You should really learn to relax. C'mon, it's a tropical island! I've spent the whole time taking in the view, enjoying the sand, watching some local shows… even if they were low quality…"
"I wanted to!" You complain. "But I'm working."
Gladstone takes another long sip from his drink. "Well that sounds like a personal problem."
Your eye twitches, and you can hear yourself growling. "Ooooookhay, that's it."
"You're gonna relax? Cool." Gladstone replies, turning to Della. "Hey Della, can we wrap this up? I have somewhere to be in three minutes!"
Your fist impacts the unbelievably obnoxious gander in the stomach, sending him hurtling into the air. You are able to enjoy the sense of catharsis for approximately half a second before you realize that Gladstone is about to land directly onto the oven temperature stone of the caldera.
"Janna! Do something!"
Janna sighs, waving Feldrake in a quick arc that sends… you spinning towards the duck.
"That's not what I meant!" You complain, now on a collision course with the tumbling gander. Thinking quickly, you pull out the Scissors and very carefully snag their edge on what to anyone else would seem like empty air. The Scissors rip a hole in the fabric of existence, a hole through which Gladstone tumbles with an anticlimactic zorp!
"Uncle Gladstone!" The triplets call out in terror.
"Where'd you send him?" Janna asks, with vague interest.
"...I just picked the first place I thought of." You reply, hoping this won't have any unexpected consequences. "I was staying there last week, and-"
===
Magica de Spell idly tapped her chin. The table was laid out quite nicely before her, or at least it was considering the establishment usually did not serve walk-in customers. Regardless, if her date dared to stand her up here of all places, he'd be making an excellent new statue in her Tuscan villa…
Her thoughts of petrification were interrupted as an unstable portal burst into being over the other side of the table, dumping her date for the day unceremoniously into the opposing chair. He coughed, once, as if trying to dislodge an unexpected toad from his throat, and then looked up with what was actually a grimace of pain but which appeared, for all the world, to be a winning smile.
"Well you certainly know how to make an entrance." she said as the garcon set a menu before him without missing a beat.
"Hello, my name is Dave, I'll be your server this… morning." He said, apparently nonplussed and perhaps even slightly annoyed by the portal. Magica allowed this to intrigue her for a moment before continuing.
"So you really must tell me. What made you decide to book a date at a Poughkeepsie bed and breakfast? At 11pm?"
Gladstone chuckled briefly. "Just sort of felt… lucky."
===
"Oh that reminds me." Janna notes. "I'm gonna need to bum a ride off your scissors next week."
Lizzy Martial Check: Strike the Earth
57% CoS, 5- 96+
12+27+36+10+7+7+5=104
Moai contest
43% CoS, 5- 96+
46+30+25+35=136
Failure
As the horde of moai leap down to the floor of the volcano, Lizzy attempts to direct her swarms of pulverizer ants towards the hulks. Unfortunately for her, the living statues enjoy a considerable resistance to heat that leaves them able to march over the unfrozen sections of the caldera. Lizzy's ants held no such skill. With a grimace, Lizzy commanded her ants back, lest they burn up in the lava's heat.
"Hey Marco." Lizzy says. "You know that feeling you get when things are bad and about to get worse?"
"Oh. Oh no." You say. You know exactly what feeling she's talking about and have been trying to ignore it for the last five minutes.
Reality apparently doesn't care about your feelings. Or at least laughs at them.
A shadow falls over you. You look up with trepidation to see that the birds who had been following Della are finally swooping down; and bringing an entire flock with them. You see several of the plants of the tiki room curled and rooted amongst the moai's stone as well. Apparently the entire Enchanted Tiki Room is here in force. The only thing missing is the-
The Moai begin chanting quietly.
Tiki. Tiki. Tiki. Tiki.
Nokkar grows stony-faced.
And then… the birds sing.
"You invaded our tropical hideaway," Jose begins.
"You crazy people you!" Pierre agrees.
"Since you want to bring trouble to our happy day-" Michael continues.
"We'll do the same to you!" Fritz finishes with a cackle.
"All together!" Jose commands, and the birds take wing as one.
"In the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room
In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
All the birds sing words-
And they bring your doom
In the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room!"
Moai Martial Check
47% CoS, 5- 96+
84+30+25+30+5(Tiki Room of DOOM)=179
Marco contest
53% CoS, 15- 86+
27+36+27+10+7+7+5+5=127
Success
The Moai march forwards, hands on each other's shoulders, practically forming a kickline, and loving every moment of it.
"Who should we go for first, bossman?" One of the moai asks Nokkar, who is still… grappling… with Della.
"Go for the safe kid! He's the worst!" Jose replies.
"You're not the bossman." Another moai notes with slight reproach.
"Eh, close enough." A third one decides, as the others circle around you. Before you can think you realize you are being kicked, repeatedly, by a group of 20 foot tall stone golems, which is about as fun as it sounds like it would be.
"Aaaagh!" You complain. "Janna! Teach me how to curse you!"
"Uh, no. Ask Doof."
"No!"
Dennis Martial Check
40% CoS, 14- 85+
50+36+19+10+7+7+5=134
Moai contest
60% CoS, 4- 95+
70+30+25+35+5=165
Failure
"Hiiiiiiya!" Dennis screeches, leaping through the air, high-kicking a moai, and bouncing off like rubber. "Aaaaaaaasorrymarco-"
You sigh in between the kicks. "Thanks anyway, Dennis."
Nokkar Martial Check
75% CoS, 2- 93+
82+30+25+35+5=177
Della contest
25% CoS, 8- 99+
73+16+20+20+10(DUCK RAGE!!)=139
Success
Nokkar and Della recovered at approximately the same moment. A key difference, however, soon became apparent. Nokkar raises his weapon, a tight laser burst singing the feathers on Della's head and sending her scurrying backwards with a squawk.
"Watch the hair, buddy!"
"Then surrender." Nokkar replies simply, and raises his weapon again.
Kitsune glances at the occupied sentinel before turning to his subordinates. She dashes between them, her form a blur of bright orange fur. After a moment, the streaks of orange begin to blend together and shift.
Kitsune Martial Check
55% CoS, 4- 95+
67+36+23+10+7+12+7+5=167
Moai contest
45% CoS, 6- 97+
50+30+25+35+5=145
Success
One moai clapped the others on the shoulder. "Hey, guys. Look!"
The moai turned to see the lava surging from the floor, burbling, spewing forth and frothing towards the surface. They gasped, abandoning your scuffed form to charge for the breach.
You watch as the moai stomp furiously on the empty ground. They accomplish seemingly nothing except more hissing noises from the lava below. …probably lava.
Janna Intrigue Check
63% CoS, 4- 95+
80+27+22=129
Nokkar contest
37% CoS, 6- 97+
57+21+14(Tiki Room Birds)=92
Success
Janna smiles to herself. If you'd noticed, you would have considered that a bad sign.
Slowly, step by step, she sneaks around the enthralled moai, the distracted birds, and Nokkar's active combat. While the chaos rages, Janna creeps slowly, closer and closer, towards the seal…
Fethry Martial Check: Help Della
26% CoS, 7- 98+
47+16+20+20=113
Nokkar contest
74% CoS, 3- 94+
60+30+20(Moai Herd Thinned)+35+5=150
Failure
"Oommm. Oommm." Fethry chants, walking slowly up to Nokkar with a chunk of rock held in his hands.
"Fethry!" Della complains, dodging yet another laser burst. "What are you doing?!?"
"I'm aligning our spiritual energy with the stones of this cave." Fethry replies placidly. "I read about it in The Great Zoltan's Guide to Western Understandings of East of Middle Eastern Mysticism."
"..."
"..."
"Oommm."
"Fethry!!!"
Triplets Martial Check: Get the Villain
12% CoS, 9- 100+
92+16+10+20+5 (Junior Woodchuck Surprise)=138
Marco contest
87% CoS, 14- 90+
8+36+29+10+7+7+5+5=105
Critical Failure
You, meanwhile, have once again been cornered by small children.
"Come on, guys!" you insist. "You're gonna get yourselves hurt if you don't stop this!" The subconscious part of your brain is already calculating how best to take them out. A sweep of the foot to knock the green one off balance, use the blue one's momentum against him to dislocate his arm, and- no, you force yourself to stop thinking about how to genuinely injure the literal children. You may have done stuff like this when you were a year or two older than them, but that's no reason to submit more children to the same sort of adolescent physical trauma you're used to.
"Get him!" Huey insists as he launches himself through the air in some ill-conceived attempt at a tackle. For a moment you are reminded of your old rival Jeremy Birnbaum, and have to yet again push down the urge to dislocate a limb. You easily dodge out of the way, and Huey, once he stands back up, groans in frustration.
"Aaagh, this isn't working!" He complains, reaching into his coat and pulling out the same massive book he'd resorted to several times. "Maybe there's something in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to help us through-"
"Oh, give me that." Louie says, snatching the book out of Huey's hands.
"Hey!"
A second later it is flying through the air towards you. You put up a hand intent on stopping the book, only to be caught off guard as it proves to be three or four times heavier than you were expecting. In addition to probably spraining your wrist, the lost momentum forces you to stumble backwards, lose your balance, and land…
Where the moai are stomping their invisible foe.
Oh god. You think.
"Oh god!" You scream, as you once again experience being trampled, this time on burning rock.
To add insult to injury, the birds are still singing.
"The boys in the back are called Macaws-"
"Because of their claws?"
"No, but claws they don't pause!"
"And these fine stone fellows are called the moai
And ten are more deadly than one moai's try!"
Marco martial roll: You are Being Stomped
60% CoS, 16- 87+
39+36+23+10+12+7+7+5=139
Moai contest
40% CoS, 6- 97+
77+30+20+35+5=167
Failure
You struggle to fight back against the moai, trying to extricate yourself from the kick-pit while also doing some damage. Sadly, you do not. Your attempts at an open-palm strike only serve to confirm that your wrist is sprained, and you don't have the run-up you need to deal any real damage to solid stone.
Lizzy Martial Check: Friendship Violence
52% CoS, 15- 86+
70+36+27+10+7+7+5=162
Moai contest
48% CoS, 5- 96+
84+30+20+35+5=174
Failure
"Don't worry Marco, I will save you." Lizzy says with conviction but unfortunately without feeling. She takes a tentative step onto the blazing rock. "My armor is rated for magmatic convection considering my… history."
She takes another tentative step.
"Then why are you just standing there?!?" You complain, trying your best not to touch the burning ground while also not touching the moai currently stomping you, a very difficult proposition considering they are the only things currently present.
"Stanley never used anything quite this hot. The armor's outer protection would fail halfway-through, even assuming it is not as deep as to cause me to sink-"
"Try something else!" you shout.
Lizzy contemplates this and turns to Dennis, who is still in the process of peeling himself out of a toon-shaped crater in the wall. "Dennis, do you have ideas?"
"Sometimes!" Dennis replies. "Hmm. Well, we're hitting them and it isn't working. Maybe we can try something else?"
"Dennis, I'm getting close to combustion point!" You complain, clinging for dear life to one of the moai's legs.
"If physical confrontation proves infeasible, perhaps nonphysical vectors would work." Lizzy clangs her scepter against a stone.
"You." She yells, fiddling with some kind of amplifier on her helmet.
"Who?" One of the Moai asks, hand clasped painfully over your torso.
"You. Moai. I would like to bargain."
"Sorry miss, the gift shop is closed right now."
"I do not want souvenirs." She yells calmly. "I need you to toss Marco back over here."
She pauses.
"Away from the lava!"
Moai Martial Check: Well, You Heard the Lady
44% CoS, 6- 97+
79+30+20+35+5=169
Lizzy contest
56% CoS, 16- 87+
66+36+27+10+7+7+5+5=163
Bare Success
The moai shrug as the last of the illusion slips away. "Okay!"
One of the moai, able to see you once more, grabs you about the waist and heaves you up. A moment later you are being flung through the air, where you land on Lizzy with an unpleasant impact.
"Thank you." You mutter.
"I would like you to get off of me." Lizzy replies.
You stand up awkwardly. You've got a few burns, and possibly some new scars, but you've had worse. "Sorry."
"Technically, this counts as what my socialization agent calls a 'trust fall'. I can tell him about this later. Apology accepted."
"Have you come up with an idea yet?" Dennis asks. You've gotten used to the way he just sort of slides into frame.
"Working on it."
"Our show is delightful, our song you adore
Though your awful behavior, we all do abhor."
"So while we sing, we will still combat
And our big rocky friends will be stomping you flat."
"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
All birds the sing words-"
"And they spell your doom!"
"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room!"
Nokkar Martial Check: Contain this Chaos
71% CoS, 3- 94+
59+30+20+35+5=149
Della contest
29% CoS, 7- 98+
60+16+20+20+10=126
Success
Nokkar reaches out, grabbing onto Della and pinning her to the ground with the force of an avalanche.
"Cease this foolishness."
"The Man can't keep me down, man!"
The triplets groan, and Dewey closes his eyes. "Our mom is, like, a bajillion years behind on slang."
"That's arguably a good thing." Huey replies.
"This is not radical!" Della screams.
"No." Louie says.
===
Janna Intrigue Roll: Get past everyone
Rolling DC
34+27+22=83
Nokkar Contest
DC 83
53% CoS, 5- 96+
40+21+14=75
Bare Failure
Della Contest
DC 83
50% CoS, 5- 96+
58+17+15=90
Bare Success
"I have no wish to use higher-grade weapons on misguided earthlings." Nokkar declares, arm still pinning a furiously wriggling Della. "The beasts contained within were never meant to be freed."
"Says you!" Della grunts, arms attempting to find purchase on Nokkar's metallic vambrace. Fingers scrabbling, she turned her head… to see Janna, slipping towards the bubbling mantle that held back your army.
The army. The army.
"Oh no you don't!" Della declares, summoning untold reserves of strength to squeeze herself from between Nokkar's grip. She immediately pulls herself to her webbed feet and begins racing after Janna. "Not so fast!"
"Yes so fast!" Feldrake replies, letting out another burst of icy cold seeking to halt Della's march.
Janna Solo Combat Check: Avoid the dramatic moment
30% CoS, 7- 98+
83+29=112
Della contest:
70% CoS, 3- 94+
30+16+20+15(DUCK RAGE!!!)=81
Success!
"I think you've got cold feet!" Feldrake chuckles as the icy burst freezes Della in place.
"Oh come on!" She complains, trying to tug them free.
"Okay, no time for second guessing." Janna said, climbing to the top of the gently glowing mantle and twirling her staff over her head. "Feldrake, crack 'em open!"
"One lava army, comin' up!"
Della squawks. "Don't you dare free those lava lizards! I'm gonna free those lava lizards!"
"...wait, what?" Janna asks.
"Wait, what?" You ask.
"You do not know what you are doin-" Nokkar attempts to declare while simultaneously raising his laser.
"Zapping now!" Feldrake declares.
There is a burst of lightning, and then a larger one of unbearable heat, flooding down from the cracked mantle that widens and widens into a yawning portal like a hillside erupting. The entire volcano shudders for a moment, and the ground beneath you bubbles.
"So, uh." Dennis asks a fraction of a second before the Triplets can do so. "What happens now?"
Then the portal begins to bulge forth once more. A vast, squirming font of magma bubbles outwards, swelling, bloating far past the point it should have stopped. It grows, and grows, and grows, until at last, there is a gentle pop, and a tiny, pathetic limb springs out. Then another, and then twice more, until with a final pop a miniscule, bloated head springs forth on the top of the vast, rotund body.
"Oh, helloooooooo there~"
Nokkar gazes upon the queen of the lava lizards.
"What."
"At last, I may bathe the world in my hot goo!"
"Feldrake." You say calmly. "What is that?"
"The Queen of the Lava Lizards, I guess?" Feldrake replies, suddenly awkward. "Her profile picture looked thinner."
"That's very shallow." Lizzy notes.
"Shallow? Look at her, she's got fathoms."
"This is what you have been protecting the world from for centuries?" Nokkar asks, turning to the Moai with a tone of rising annoyance.
"Wait- you didn't even know what you were guarding?" You ask.
"Oh, this is so very bad guys! She is out!" One of the moai trembles.
"This is all your fault, Jeff!"
"Oooooooh, Feldrake~ So good to see you again!" The Queen declares, rotating slowly to gaze upon him as a coterie of lava lizards lifts the corpulent queen up out of the portal she had just barely fit through. "Ready to help us destroy the world in glorious gooey fire?"
"Wait. Destroy the world?" Feldrake asks quietly. He pauses for a moment.
"Oh god dammit! I knew I was forgetting something!"
"These things are gonna destroy the world? You don't want them to destroy the world? Why didn't anyone tell me they were gonna destroy the world!?!" Della asks.
"Of course not!" Feldrake answers the only question enough about him for him to care. "Back in the day I might have been willing to try for a few 'rule over the ashes' plans, but that's all behind me now. I'm a new staff! More patient, and likable in my comedic sociopathy."
"Tolerable maybe." Janna notes.
"Listen." You ask, trying desperately to salvage this. "I don't suppose you would be willing to reeeel it back in on the world-destroying-thingy?"
"Hrmmm." The Queen considers the question. "Nope, sorry. Think we're going to have to go ahead."
"This has been an enormous waste of time." You groan.
"I have stood watch over this world for more than seven of your Earth centuries." Nokkar states. "And yet, I agree with you."
"Heyy. If we help clean this up, can we call it even?" Janna asks.
"Perhaps if you leave afterwards." Nokkar replies.
"Okay, wait, who's the bad guy?" Dewey asks.
"Giant evil lava blob." Louie replies, back on his phone and trying to get reception.
"We really need to get better about talking to people." Lizzy notes.
"Please stop spelling it out." Janna asks.
"We've kumbayaed enough, ice this sucker!" Feldrake declares.
Janna Martial Check: Ice this sucker
86% CoS, 1- 92+
10+36+29+10+7+7+5=104
Queen of the Lava Lizards Contest
14% CoS, 9- 100+
63+22+25(Lava Lizard Swarm)=110
Critical Failure
Janna raises Feldrake, aims his frosting maw towards the Queen's hulking mass… and frowns when Feldrake coughs slightly and accomplishes nothing.
"Feldrake?"
"What? You've been using that spell a lot and you haven't reloaded."
"You need to reload?!?"
"When I'm doing all the heavy magical lifting, yes!"
"How?!?!"
"There's a little switch under my spines-"
With a heave, the Queen's servants lift her off the peak of the broken mantle, and she begins to body surf towards you, melting the floor of the caldera as she goes. With the passage clear, a flood of smaller salamanders follows after her, cheering gleefully about the thought of revenge for past stompings.
Queen of the Lava Lizards: Flood the World In Burning Goo
Rolling DC
80+22+25=127
Janna Contest
DC 127
67% CoS, 3- 94+
38+93=131
Bare Success
Della Contest
DC 127
30% CoS, 7- 98+
29+56=85
Failure
"Which spines, which spines?!?" Janna yells, desperately searching the back of Feldrake's neck.
"The third one!"
"Which third one?!?"
You suddenly realize that if you don't do something, Janna is going to get flooded with liquid rock. There isn't too much need for thought after that- you leap, slamming into her and pushing her out of the way just in time. The two of you land on the increasingly small part of the caldera that is not a burning inferno, looking over the melting basalt trail left behind you.
"That was… close." Janna admits after a moment.
"Happy you had the 'safe kid' here?" You ask.
"Yes fine, whatever."
You look around. "We need a way out of here before she activates this whole volcano."
"Harrow!!!" A grumbling voice calls out.
You look up instead.
"Leopold!" Feldrake screams out. "I thought I told you to wait on the ship!"
"Daddy's in trouble!" The great ugly beast blurbles as it swoops down.
"Stop looking a gift abomination in the mouth, get on!" you yell, giving Janna a hand as you climb aboard your… noble… steed.
Della, unfortunately, has no such flying monstrosity. She leaps out of the way of the Lava Queen easily, only to sniff the air a moment later. "Does anyone smell bacon?"
She looks down to see the joints of her prosthetic leg melting.
"Aaaah! Oooh, ah, convection! I haven't stored bacon in there in weeks! Aa-o-razza-frazza-"
Della hops one-legged across the shrinking circle of solidity, a gentle 'Ow! Oof!' and various minced oaths for the sake of her kids coming with each impact. Eventually she runs out of balance, flopping to the ground on a chunk of relatively solid basalt. She groans.
"Kids… I think I'm gonna have to sit the rest of this out."
"What- why??" Dewey asks. "This is just getting exciting!"
"I've fallen unconscious enough times from exhaustion and smoke inhalation to know… when… it's…"
Flump.
"I think we should go now." Huey says quietly.
"Fear not." Nokkar says, stepping forward to protect the triplets behind his bulk. "I will not waver in my task."
The Moai look up from their quailing. "Y-yeah! No wavering!"
Nokkar Martial check: Fulfill your Duties
87% CoS, 1- 92+
44+30+20+35+5+5(Moaitivation)=139
Queen of the Lava Lizards Contest:
13% CoS, 9- 100+
44+22+25=91
Success
Though no outward change occurrs, Nokkar's next burst from his sidearm produces a whirling tangle of lights that wrap themselves around the Queen, constraining her form between an interlocking series of rotating rings. Small orbs pulse along their circumference, delivering small shocks to her form wherever it intersects with the energy prison barely large enough to contain her.
"Ooooh, that smaaaaaarts!" She wails temulously.
Moai Martial check: The Two-Step
87% CoS, 1- 92+
93+30+20+35+5+5=188
Lava Lizards Contest:
13% CoS, 7- 98+
30+22+25=77
Critical Success
The lava lizards blanch as their queen is threatened, the molten rock that makes up their amorphous forms turning a few shades closer to yellow. "We must protect the quee-"
The lizard cut its declaration short as one of the moai splattered it against the ground.
"Oh no you don't!" Another moai declares.
"This is what we were made for!"
As one, the moai engage in a curbstomp-cum-dance off, shearing through the lizard's numbers through the mere weight of their craggy feet. A few, though, escape their ensquishening and move to menace the few still on the ground.
"Mom, give me your leg!" Dewey says.
"...whazzah Donoll?"
"Aagh, forget it. Louie, help me!"
Triplets Martial Roll: I'm Going to Need Her Leg
34% CoS, 7- 98+
58+10+20=88
Lava Lizards Contest
66% CoS, 3- 94+
44+22+10(Diminished Horde)=76
Success!
Louie quickly finishes unscrewing his mother's leg, a large part of him questioning how that sentence came to be, only for Dewey to snatch the thermally punished metal out of his hand the second it came free. Immediately Dewey turns to brandish it at the encroaching lizards, waving it wildly in their faces. "Stay back you, you-"
"Igneous ignoramuses?" Huey suggests.
"Yeah, what he said! Or else-"
A rock went straight through the lizard's head, causing it to fall apart into a quickly cooling lava pool.
"The stones… have been aligned." Fethry says triumphantly.
===
"You have begun to irritate me." Lizzy says, gazing upon the Lava Queen with the full force of her disdain.
"You- you dare insult my magnificence?" The Lava Queen asks, albeit with a slowly rising note of concern.
Queen Lizzy Martial Check: Regicide
94% CoS, 0- 90+
48+36+27+10+7+7+5=140
Lava Contest
6% CoS, 9- 100+
98+22+5(Broken Horde)=125
Success
Lizzy punches the lava with her heat-resistant armor, digging deep into the queen's bulk.
"I am the Queen here." Lizzy explains. "Marco!"
"On it!" You reply, seeing your chance. "Leopold, take us in!"
"Ruff?"
"Do what he says Leo." Janna says.
"Ruff!"
"His name is not Leo!" Feldrake complains. "It is Leopold! It demands respect!"
"It demands a pompadour." Janna replies. And then you are diving.
Marco Martial Check: Safety First
94% CoS 0- 90+
88+36+29+10+7+7+5=180
Lava Contest
6% CoS 9- 100+
24+22+5=51
Success
Summoning the power of Jo-Lan to your fist, you line up your shot. No risks are taken, no focus is missed. Leopold flies closer, and closer, and…
"Oh no." The queen says.
"Oh yeah." You smirk.
Bam!
The Lava Queen explodes into a vast rain of burning rock, an instantaneous eruption that reminds you uncomfortably of popping a pimple. A cheer goes up from the Moai and the remaining conscious ducks as Janna claps you on the back, and the remaining lizards shriek and flee for the safety of the underground. You smile, look up at the sky, and for a moment, allow yourself to bask in victory.
"...lava rain." You say.
"What?" Janna asks.
"Lava rain lava rain!" You shriek, pointing upwards at the rapidly descending remains of the queen. Janna raises Feldrake in a jerky movement, and a wall of frosty air pushes the cooling rock away from the rest of your… allies?
"Oh hey, you found the reload." Feldrake says.
"There was no reload, Feldrake." Janna replies.
"Look, I haven't had a massage in five centuries!"
You land before the conversation can go any further, you and Janna sliding off Leopold's back.
"Well." You say, stretching your limbs for post-strain limberness. "That happened. Sorry about disturbing the peace of your island for… basically no reason."
"But why?" Nokkar asks, his form stomping over to yours but making no hostile moves yet. "If you are not bent on conquest, why seek an army of destruction? Even one as… questionable as this." Nokkar looks again at the remains of the… very weird army.
"Negaduck." You reply, seeing no reason to lie.
"What?" Nokkar asks, no recognition in his voice.
"Negaduck!??!" Fethry shrieks. "That terrifying villain is after you?"
"And a whole lot of other people." You confirm. "We were hoping to find something that could help."
"Heeeeey." One of the moai pipes up. "It'll take centuries for them to reform. We just got freed from our eternal vigil! Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
The moai think hard.
"Forever vacation!" One cheers.
"Wooooooo!!!"
The moai begin an immediate, earthshaking conga line.
"Please forgive them." Nokkar says, coming to stand beside you. "Their intentions are pure, but they are yet young in their watch. The power here that grants them life did so quite recently, in the grand design."
"Uh… sure." You reply.
"While my resources are limited, my sensors are not. If you inform me of the means by which this… 'Nagaduck' travels, I may be able to track his movements."
"That… could be difficult." You reply.
"By what means does he navigate?" Nokkar asks.
You think, for a very long moment, if you want to answer that. Eventually, a general interest in preventing mass casualties forces your hand. Literally, in fact, as you hold out your Scissors.
"These."
"Hrm." Nokkar bathes your hand in a shining light that makes you briefly worried he is cooking it. "Very exotic readings. I will need time to examine this, but in that time, I may be able to track their use."
"Wha- really?!?!" You ask. "That's great! And, uh, also a little concerning."
"I will alert you if efforts bear fruit. However, in the meantime, I must insist you vacate this island before you draw yet more attention to my long vigil."
"Uh, right. Yeah, that's… fair." You agree, rubbing the back of your head.
"So you guys… aren't supervillains?" Dewey asks uncertainly.
"Well-" Lizzy begins. You slap a hand over her mouth.
"No. No we are not." You say simply. "We just wanted help."
"And to find Donald!" Dennis adds.
"Why are you looking for Uncle Donald, anyway?" Huey asks.
"He's cool." Dennis replies.
"What?!" The triplets say in unison. "Not possible."
"Yes possible! I'll prove it!" Dennis responds, looking like he's about to pull out the projector again. You decide to forestall that.
"Okay, we should really get going. Get Lizzy, and Janna, and… where's Janna?"
"I don't know! Now get me out of here before the lava finishes cooling!" Feldrake complains.
He's been left stuck in the rock.
===
"Well, it looks like the big guy was telling the truth." Janna notes, turning to look out at the ocean. The very last light of the evening slips below the surface as the waves perform their slow, rhythmic crash upon the sands. Nokkar's odd craft sits nearby, a silver streak gleaming softly in the twilight.
Kitsune sits on a rock right on the edge of the water. She pets Amur gently on the head, the great stone beast cradled on her lap like a puppy. He rumbles happily.
"So it seems." Kitsune's voice is calm. Measured. From behind, impossible for Janna to read.
Janna runs a hand through her hair. Her arms fall, coming to rest in her lap after a brief moment. "I should've done this a while ago, huh?"
"Perhaps. But you would not have been able to until you were ready for it." Kitsune stares out into the endless sea. She still doesn't look back.
And so Janna took a breath. "I could never really figure out if you were my-" She cuts herself off. "No, start again. Are you ok?"
The pause in Kitsune's response is slight, but Janna can feel it all the same. "I am better than I was."
"...I felt it. When you started pulling away. I never knew if you were really my mentor or my friend, and it started to feel like… you didn't want to be either."
Here, at last, Kitsune turns. Her smile is sad, yet clear. She gestures to the space beside her. "Take a seat, please."
Janna blinks for a moment, old instincts about principal's offices and one-on-one meetings providing advice she had little interest in taking. After too long of a pause she sits, awkwardly, arms on her legs.
Kitsune waits for Janna to settle in before continuing. "Much of this is my own fault. It is a malaise I have unwittingly allowed to settle in myself over the course of centuries. I let the world spin past me, and ultimately I lost sight of how to care. For myself…or others."
"I… thought it might have been… something like that." The words are carefully chosen.
"You feared it was not. You feared it was you. Your own failings."
"Look, I don't exactly have Star's way around a wand." Janna replies after a moment, a gentle scoff accentuating her words. "You're a centuries old magical… being, I'm a 20-something who has to rely on a mouthy stick. Doof… Doof said he'd talked to you, but I didn't see you, after. And then, after a while, I…"
A hand settles on Janna's shoulder. It takes a beat for her to follow it back to its origin, to Kitsune's unfamiliar expression.
"I am sorry." Apologetic. That's what it is. It seems strange on her face, at odds with everything Janna knew about the immortal.
Silence hangs between them for a moment, broken only by the sound of the surf and the calling of birds.
"So what now?" Janna asks.
"What we must." Kitsune gently, carefully, pulls Janna in closer, letting the young woman lean on her shoulder. "To heal, to make amends, and move forwards. What do you wish for the future?"
Janna thought.
"I miss spending time with you."
"There is no reason not to do so."
"Do you still want to teach me?" Janna asks, the worst of her fears beginning to thaw.
"You are a wonderful student." Kitsune grins. "When you are willing to learn."
Janna frowns, slightly. "I'm taking this seriously." She says, emphasis on each word. "Star is out there."
"You are. But you have worries that hold you back. That you will not be enough. That Star Butterfly, this godling faced with an impossible task, will not need you."
"That's why I need to-" Janna cut herself off as the last part of Kitsune's sentence registered. "What?"
She had expected comments about her lack of progress. Perhaps even lack of potential. Not for a second had she considered that Kitsune meant that Star Butterfly might decide she didn't need her help, need all the help she could get…
But Star had done so once before.
"You fear being unable to aid her. That your friend may decide to push you away once again, because-"
"Yes!" Janna snaps. "Yes, like I thought you did, yes. I get it. I see the throughline."
"You are perceptive. Sharp in your judgments, and you strive towards the unexpected. In that regard, I have little to teach you."
"Is that… all you think I have left to learn?"
"Janna, would you like to know a secret?" Kitsune asks, and continues.
"I am not all too much. One of perhaps several hundred fragments of a dead woman's final, petty vengeance, left to blow about in the wind. I am not exceptional. I have no grand mysteries of the universe at my fingers beyond what I was born holding onto, no great treasures to bestow upon you. Even with centuries of time, I am wanting in comparison to others within this very organization's hold. You-"
Janna snorts. "Aren't you building up to some moral about not underestimating myself? It's hard to believe Tobe knows more about magic than you do."
Kitsune flicks Janna in the forehead. "It is not that you have little left to learn, it is that I have little left to teach you. My understandings of magic are instinctual, far from the liturgies that man uses to tame the world's mysteries. I may endeavor to translate that knowledge, but ultimately I am barely more able to aid your growth than the staff."
Kitsune grins at the thought. "That one was certainly never meant to teach. I question if he was ever meant to learn."
"He's… fun." Janna replies, conscious of a desire to defend the bird but fully at a loss to do so.
"Doctor Doofenshmirtz is looking into expanding the coven's capabilities, you know this as well as I. I suggest you take that as an opportunity to find more suitable mentors. Perhaps you may be able to learn from others within the ranks as well."
Janna nods after a moment. "Yeah, okay. I will."
"I'm glad to hear that." Kitsune claps her hands, causing Amur to look up at her, tilting his head inquisitively. She chuckles at the interruption.
"Now that we have resolved my role as a teacher, would you still care to speak as friends?"
"Yes." Janna replies, immediately.
The waves crash gently under a starry sky. Time passes.
"Man." Janna says. "I really should have done this sooner."
"Come and got me sooner is what you should've done!" A familiar and crabby voice replies, held at arm's length. "You left me in a lava bank!"
"Hi Feldrake." Janna smirks, taking the staff from you. You sigh in relief as you are finally allowed to move away from the decibel source.
"What did you two head off for?" You ask. "Della and her crew are already leaving."
"Si!" Jose agrees, fluttering down to land on Feldrake's head amidst considerable mutual squawking. "We even had time to make our peace with the Marco boy."
"Indeed. Ze boy is not a bigot. Merely incroyablé socially incompeténte." Pierre agrees.
"Sorry about das whole 'assault' ting!" Fritz chuckles.
"Friends?" You ask amiably.
"No."
"Oh."
"Well come now. Let's nat be inhaspitable." Michael comments. "After all, your boss is quite well connected, isn'e now? I don't suppose he'd be willin' tae send some vacation packages off ta' thae old Tiki Room?"
You consider your boss' appreciation for the strange and weird. "I don't know..."
Kitsune leans in and whispers in your ear. "Creatures this suffused with magic are rare indeed. I suggest you not waste your second chance."
You clap your hands together and rearrange your facial muscles into a smile. "Great idea! Do you have a phone number?"
"Oeuf course we do!"
"We're not animahls!"
"I'm just sad we didn't find Donald." Dennis says, slumping after the rest of you like a literal sad sack.
"I'm just sad he was here before us!" Feldrake interjects. "I'm so sick of having to pick through the dregs of my hard work after those do-gooding Caballeros are through with them. That's it! Next time I see them touching one of my sites, we're going straight there immediately, no waiting."
Janna blinks as she realizes she is no longer holding Feldrake. The staff in question is in fact being driven several inches into the sand, only for Dennis the Duck to clamber up its remaining length, put his arms around what could politely be called Feldrake's neck, and staring directly into his eyes.
"Doyoumeantotellmeyoucouldhavedonethatatanytime?" Dennis asks.
"Not at any time." Feldrake smiles cruelly. "Only when it causes you maximum emotional pain! Now put me down before IhUENGBUBGHUN-"
You stare at Dennis for a moment. "Hey Janna, you uh… you gonna get your staff back?"
Janna watches as Dennis utilizes Feldrake like a shakeweight. "In a minute."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." The Araquan Bird screams.
"You did nothing but mildly inconvenience us." Lizzy complains.
"Buhzuh." The Araquan bird agrees.
===
Quest: Tropical Paradise completed!
The birds of the Enchanted Tiki Room are mostly fine with you now that you've cleared up that little misunderstanding and have offered to perform for you! You're… not certain when or where they'll come in handy. Maybe at some point in the future.
Marco has had the tar beaten out of him again, but he took it like a champ and came back swinging. His Safe Kid trait bonus increases to +8.
Della and her family probably aren't going to be your friends anytime soon, but you've managed to avoid any further comedic misunderstandings and have parted as "not enemies!"
The final quest of Feldrake's World Tour has been unlocked… as soon as Donald shows up.
Janna gains +1 Diplomacy.
Lizzy gains +1 Stewardship.
Kitsune's Occult increases by 1.
Kitsune has left the Marcnificent Few.
Nokkar said that he'll look into tracking dimensional scissors. Marco expects to hear from him at… some point in the future.
"Feldrake!" You cry out as you run. "How hard is it to break this seal or whatever it is? Because we might need that army sooner than you thought!"
"Just crack the mantle keeping the lava under wraps. With these idiots chasing us instead of holding them back, it should be easy peasy lava demon squeezy."
You grumble in between the panting. "Why do I get the feeling it's going to be difficult difficult lava demon difficult?"
"Because you are wiser than you are creative." The fox riding your shoulders responds.
You attempt a double take on your own neck. "How did you-"
"It seems we have arrived." Kitsune talks past you.
The tunnel finally widens out into a vast caldera. An uncomfortable heat roils against your skin even from the tunnel's edge, barely-solidified stone edged through with cracks of molten orange. A patch of sky is visible far above you at the volcano's peak, showing the fading light of dusk through its craggy aperture. Occasionally a sound will reverberate through the space, like some vast body slamming against the underside of the earth, and a gout of steam will vent through the cracks.
"The temperature of the rock below us is likely to be approximately 700 degrees Celsius." Lizzy states.
"Yeah yeah, I'll get it. Chill out." Feldrake replies as Janna lets loose an arctic blast from his mouth. "Heh, heh. Chill out."
Once the basin floor appears to be more or less not-burny, you carefully slide down from the tunnel to the flash-cooled floor. You frown at the barely-warm surface. "You know, I'm pretty sure that convection from the rest of the room should still be flash cooking me."
"It's magic you nimrod!" Feldrake Feldrakes.
"I know it's magic!" You reply, annoyed to have your musing interrupted. "I've seen more 'it's magic' than you'll ever pull."
You begin walking forwards. At the center of the room is an obvious bubble of barely-congealed magma; probably the mantle Feldrake was talking about. One firm pop and they'll burst right out and you can finally be done with this.
"I doubt that." Feldrake scoffs, but Janna can't help but snort. That's the most you've gotten out of her in a while, come to think of it. Your thoughts on the matter almost progress to the point of full consideration before it is overtaken by the fundamental desire to not let him win. "And for your information, 'nimrod' means 'mighty hunter'. So there."
"Of course it means 'mighty hunter', what else would it mean?" Feldrake complains. "I was being sarcastic!"
"...I'm going to go free the army now."
No, you are not.
"No, I am not", you agree.
Wait. What?
A blinding light pours forth from the roof of the caldera, forcing you to cover your eyes. It completely drowns the thin lines of magma flowing beneath your feet, filling the room with otherworldly ambiance.
A bulky figure begins to slowly float down from the rim, suspended in a beam of light. It is wide, yes, but far, far taller than it is wide, nearly twice your height. It is only when the figure touches down on the floor, apparently unbothered by the near-molten rock beneath him, that the light begins to fade.
The figure is covered in thick plated armor which looks like nothing you have ever seen or used. Its design is clearly inhuman, its light green contours bulky about the shoulders and rib cage and apparently nonexistent on the hindarm or thighs. More armor covers the lower legs and forearms, containing gangly limbs tipped in black, clawlike digits that may or may not have actual flesh beneath them. A simple domed helmet covers the being's head, rendering it fully obscured were it not for the pair of glowing red lights that probably cover eyes. A long, thin weapon of uncertain origin lies held loosely in one hand.
"Well, crud. It's an alien." Lizzy says calmly.
"Correct. And yet, misleading." The figure replies in a bifurcated voice. Two tones, disconcertingly out of synch, blend together as the figure speaks. The first is masculine, deep and filled with gravel, but the second is artificial, cold and synthesized.
"You sound weird." Lizzy comments, causing all further trains of thought to reroute as you turn around. "Lizzy!"
She shrugs. After a few moments of frustration, you turn around.
The figure takes your measure stoically as it removes its helmet. Beneath it is a face that seems carved of stone. Literally.
"You're a Moai?" You ask, confusion and caution warring over the contents of your tone.
"I am what inspired the Moai. My name is Nokkar." Nokkar places his helmet under his arm. "For more than seven centuries I have kept watch over this world, protecting it from those who seek to-"
"You mean like the GalFed?" Dennis the Duck asks.
He looks at the duck for a moment. "I am… aware of their activities." He replies.
"Dennis?!?" you ask, whirling around yet again. "I told you to watch Della!"
"Yeah! I came here to tell you Della's on her way. I estimate she'll be here in about one establishing dialogue, give or take."
You sigh. "Great. Okay listen big guy, we're not invaders."
"I am aware. I met your hound on the way here. His loyalty does you credit."
There is a sudden flare of heat (well, more heat. Volcano.) beside you as Kitsune bursts into her true(?) form, crimson tails whipping wildly behind her.
She speaks very slowly, each word a knife point. You think she might be upset. "And where did you happen to find him?"
Nokkar immediately hefts his sidearm, aiming down the sight at Kitsune in a single practiced motion. "Fear not. He rests soundly and is unharmed." Despite his reassuring words his twin tones are terse, clipped, and with perhaps a hint that the same may soon not be said of you. "What are you? Are you one of Goliath's kind? These… Gar-goyles?"
Kitsune holds her stance for what feels like an excruciatingly long time, until finally she closes her eyes and her tails slowly fade back to translucency. "The traditional name is the Third Race."
You try not to look at the fireball she's holding behind her back.
"I am not familiar." Nokkar replies, giving no sign of whether he recognizes the continued threat. "Yet I have had cause as of late to acknowledge my own ignorance."
Nokkar moves the barrel of his gun away from Kitsune, not lowering the weapon but de-escalating the situation from a pointed death threat to a more generalized promise of possible violence.
"Bring Amur here first. I would prefer to see his state myself." Kitsune returns, her face a mask as stony as Nokkar's own. "If you would be so inclined."
"We're… kinda in a hurry." You comment, but Kitsune deigns not to hear you.
Nokkar waves a hand, and something soars over the lip of the crater above you, filling the caldera again with blinding light before soaring off into the night. "I will do as you ask. In return, I must demand that you do as I ask: Leave this place."
Janna rolls her eyes.
Kitsune does not respond.
"I know why you have come." Nokkar says simply. "This is a sacred place, and a place of danger. I have taken it as my charge as much as this world. I cannot allow you to free the monsters inside, and I will use all that is at my disposal to prevent it."
You hiss uncomfortably. This is not going how you'd hoped it would. You can see Feldrake trying to convince Janna to take a potshot now while he's distracted, Lizzy patiently waiting for you to decide what to do, Dennis idly bouncing, and Kitsune. You have no idea if Kitsune is going to leap forward and attack Nokkar or not. Possibly neither does she.
Before you can come up with a better response than 'Yes, but actually no', a rapidly growing commotion along the tunnel you just passed through heralds the arrival of the Moai that were apparently… carved? In Nokkar's image, a small stampede of trampling stone feet that leap down into the caldera without any concern for the boiling heat. Massive gouts of steam rise from the volcanic floor with each pair of stomping feet, and you hear a hiss that could almost be called… pained… as they land.
"Hey boss!" One of the Moai says, looking to Nokkar and saluting. "I see you caught the interlopers."
"We're not interlopers." Lizzy objects.
"Yeah!" Dennis agrees. "Nokkar says we're invaders!"
"He didn't say that!" you snap.
"I was going to say supervillains." Lizzy snarks.
"Listen, will everyone just calm down??!" You ask uncalmly. "I need to think for a second-"
No such reprieve is granted as the tunnel once more bursts forth with your hourly headache in the form of the ducks. All five of them you saw before, plus a gangly one in a massive fuzzy red sleeping cap, the kind no one has worn since 1880 or so.
"Not so fast!" Della declares, before falling down the cliff in a feather-flying tangle. She immediately stands up on reaching the bottom. "Not so fast!"
You consider pointing out that nothing has been going fast at all, and just about stop yourself.
"You're not going to keep those free spirits imprisoned any longer!"
"What?" Feldrake squawks.
"What?" You also squawk.
"Not now!" Nokkar yells in frustration, clearly unsure which group to aim at. You attempt to sidle closer to the blatant mantle bubble roiling at the center of the room, an action that earns you a stern look and a "Do not test me."
You breathe. "Fine, fine. Okay, look. We can talk this out. We can talk, and we can be reasonable, and we can not end up fighting each other over this stupid… evil-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
You are interrupted by the appearance of a bright pink bird with a brilliant red plume, wearing a blue and white striped shirt. Specifically, you are interrupted by said bird appearing as if from nowhere to scream directly into Nokkar's face.
"What-?!" He yells, staggering backwards.
"What the heck is that?" Dewey asks.
"The perfect distraction." Della replies. "C'mon everyone, get 'em!"
"Get who?" Huey asks.
"We'll figure it out later. Charge!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The bird screams again.
===
Random Event Roll Revealed!
56: The Aracuan Bird pays a visit, interrupts one action this turn.
===
Dennis looks oddly morose at the bird's appearance. "Oh, hi Ari." he says. "Darn it. We're running out of straight men."
The Araquan bird kisses Nokkar full on the lips. It makes an inordinately loud, wet smacking sound, and the alien sentinel seems at a loss for just long enough for Della and her duck dynasty to jump him. Gladstone more… saunters after them.
Dennis turns and frowns. "See what I mean?"
Della Martial Check: WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
22% CoS, 8- 99+
40+16+20(Fethry Duck)+20(Duck Rage)=96
Nokkar contest
78% CoS 2- 93+
6+30+25(Moai Horde)+35(Ancient Guardian's Tools)=96
Tie!
Della leaps at Nokkar, limbs flailing, fists swinging, a ball of vim and pluck and also quacking. With a swell of bravery and decades of adventuring experience, she gallantly soars directly into Nokkar's open hand, which closes around her body with little apparent effort. He brings her closer after a moment, looking at her curiously.
"Why are you here?" Nokkar asks.
Della headbutts him in the face.
"Agh!" Nokkar exclaims, dropping Della in order to clutch at his temples.
"Ow, my face!" Della complains, clutching hers in turn.
"Why do we always get into these sorts of situations." You ask, but don't really ask.
"Money." Lizzy suggests. "Also friendship?"
"Donald." Dennis agrees.
"I live for this." Janna explains.
You sigh. You're about to take the opportunity to sneak up on the mantle when you realize you aren't being given the chance.
Gladstone Martial Check: Be an Obstacle
13% CoS, 9- 100+
91+16+4+20=131
Marco contest
87% CoS, 9- 90+
97+6+36+29+10(Marcnificent Few)+7(Jo-Lan)+7(PMC)+5(Only My Enemies)+5(Safe Kid)=207
Critical Failure
Standing in your path is a goose with a perfectly coiffed hairdo, a relaxed gait, aviator sunglasses, and a coconut cocktail. He looked at you with a relaxed smirk. "Alright, put up your dukes or whatever."
"Dude," you reply. "You are reaaally not ready for combat. "I suggest you just turn around an-"
Sluuuurrp.
You blink. Halfway through your sentence, Gladstone begins sucking on the straw sticking out of his coconut. He takes a moment to fail to appreciate the complex flavors before turning back to you. "You should really learn to relax. C'mon, it's a tropical island! I've spent the whole time taking in the view, enjoying the sand, watching some local shows… even if they were low quality…"
"I wanted to!" You complain. "But I'm working."
Gladstone takes another long sip from his drink. "Well that sounds like a personal problem."
Your eye twitches, and you can hear yourself growling. "Ooooookhay, that's it."
"You're gonna relax? Cool." Gladstone replies, turning to Della. "Hey Della, can we wrap this up? I have somewhere to be in three minutes!"
Your fist impacts the unbelievably obnoxious gander in the stomach, sending him hurtling into the air. You are able to enjoy the sense of catharsis for approximately half a second before you realize that Gladstone is about to land directly onto the oven temperature stone of the caldera.
"Janna! Do something!"
Janna sighs, waving Feldrake in a quick arc that sends… you spinning towards the duck.
"That's not what I meant!" You complain, now on a collision course with the tumbling gander. Thinking quickly, you pull out the Scissors and very carefully snag their edge on what to anyone else would seem like empty air. The Scissors rip a hole in the fabric of existence, a hole through which Gladstone tumbles with an anticlimactic zorp!
"Uncle Gladstone!" The triplets call out in terror.
"Where'd you send him?" Janna asks, with vague interest.
"...I just picked the first place I thought of." You reply, hoping this won't have any unexpected consequences. "I was staying there last week, and-"
===
Magica de Spell idly tapped her chin. The table was laid out quite nicely before her, or at least it was considering the establishment usually did not serve walk-in customers. Regardless, if her date dared to stand her up here of all places, he'd be making an excellent new statue in her Tuscan villa…
Her thoughts of petrification were interrupted as an unstable portal burst into being over the other side of the table, dumping her date for the day unceremoniously into the opposing chair. He coughed, once, as if trying to dislodge an unexpected toad from his throat, and then looked up with what was actually a grimace of pain but which appeared, for all the world, to be a winning smile.
"Well you certainly know how to make an entrance." she said as the garcon set a menu before him without missing a beat.
"Hello, my name is Dave, I'll be your server this… morning." He said, apparently nonplussed and perhaps even slightly annoyed by the portal. Magica allowed this to intrigue her for a moment before continuing.
"So you really must tell me. What made you decide to book a date at a Poughkeepsie bed and breakfast? At 11pm?"
Gladstone chuckled briefly. "Just sort of felt… lucky."
===
"Oh that reminds me." Janna notes. "I'm gonna need to bum a ride off your scissors next week."
Lizzy Martial Check: Strike the Earth
57% CoS, 5- 96+
12+27+36+10+7+7+5=104
Moai contest
43% CoS, 5- 96+
46+30+25+35=136
Failure
As the horde of moai leap down to the floor of the volcano, Lizzy attempts to direct her swarms of pulverizer ants towards the hulks. Unfortunately for her, the living statues enjoy a considerable resistance to heat that leaves them able to march over the unfrozen sections of the caldera. Lizzy's ants held no such skill. With a grimace, Lizzy commanded her ants back, lest they burn up in the lava's heat.
"Hey Marco." Lizzy says. "You know that feeling you get when things are bad and about to get worse?"
"Oh. Oh no." You say. You know exactly what feeling she's talking about and have been trying to ignore it for the last five minutes.
Reality apparently doesn't care about your feelings. Or at least laughs at them.
A shadow falls over you. You look up with trepidation to see that the birds who had been following Della are finally swooping down; and bringing an entire flock with them. You see several of the plants of the tiki room curled and rooted amongst the moai's stone as well. Apparently the entire Enchanted Tiki Room is here in force. The only thing missing is the-
The Moai begin chanting quietly.
Tiki. Tiki. Tiki. Tiki.
Nokkar grows stony-faced.
And then… the birds sing.
"You invaded our tropical hideaway," Jose begins.
"You crazy people you!" Pierre agrees.
"Since you want to bring trouble to our happy day-" Michael continues.
"We'll do the same to you!" Fritz finishes with a cackle.
"All together!" Jose commands, and the birds take wing as one.
"In the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room
In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
All the birds sing words-
And they bring your doom
In the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room!"
Moai Martial Check
47% CoS, 5- 96+
84+30+25+30+5(Tiki Room of DOOM)=179
Marco contest
53% CoS, 15- 86+
27+36+27+10+7+7+5+5=127
Success
The Moai march forwards, hands on each other's shoulders, practically forming a kickline, and loving every moment of it.
"Who should we go for first, bossman?" One of the moai asks Nokkar, who is still… grappling… with Della.
"Go for the safe kid! He's the worst!" Jose replies.
"You're not the bossman." Another moai notes with slight reproach.
"Eh, close enough." A third one decides, as the others circle around you. Before you can think you realize you are being kicked, repeatedly, by a group of 20 foot tall stone golems, which is about as fun as it sounds like it would be.
"Aaaagh!" You complain. "Janna! Teach me how to curse you!"
"Uh, no. Ask Doof."
"No!"
Dennis Martial Check
40% CoS, 14- 85+
50+36+19+10+7+7+5=134
Moai contest
60% CoS, 4- 95+
70+30+25+35+5=165
Failure
"Hiiiiiiya!" Dennis screeches, leaping through the air, high-kicking a moai, and bouncing off like rubber. "Aaaaaaaasorrymarco-"
You sigh in between the kicks. "Thanks anyway, Dennis."
Nokkar Martial Check
75% CoS, 2- 93+
82+30+25+35+5=177
Della contest
25% CoS, 8- 99+
73+16+20+20+10(DUCK RAGE!!)=139
Success
Nokkar and Della recovered at approximately the same moment. A key difference, however, soon became apparent. Nokkar raises his weapon, a tight laser burst singing the feathers on Della's head and sending her scurrying backwards with a squawk.
"Watch the hair, buddy!"
"Then surrender." Nokkar replies simply, and raises his weapon again.
Kitsune glances at the occupied sentinel before turning to his subordinates. She dashes between them, her form a blur of bright orange fur. After a moment, the streaks of orange begin to blend together and shift.
Kitsune Martial Check
55% CoS, 4- 95+
67+36+23+10+7+12+7+5=167
Moai contest
45% CoS, 6- 97+
50+30+25+35+5=145
Success
One moai clapped the others on the shoulder. "Hey, guys. Look!"
The moai turned to see the lava surging from the floor, burbling, spewing forth and frothing towards the surface. They gasped, abandoning your scuffed form to charge for the breach.
You watch as the moai stomp furiously on the empty ground. They accomplish seemingly nothing except more hissing noises from the lava below. …probably lava.
Janna Intrigue Check
63% CoS, 4- 95+
80+27+22=129
Nokkar contest
37% CoS, 6- 97+
57+21+14(Tiki Room Birds)=92
Success
Janna smiles to herself. If you'd noticed, you would have considered that a bad sign.
Slowly, step by step, she sneaks around the enthralled moai, the distracted birds, and Nokkar's active combat. While the chaos rages, Janna creeps slowly, closer and closer, towards the seal…
Fethry Martial Check: Help Della
26% CoS, 7- 98+
47+16+20+20=113
Nokkar contest
74% CoS, 3- 94+
60+30+20(Moai Herd Thinned)+35+5=150
Failure
"Oommm. Oommm." Fethry chants, walking slowly up to Nokkar with a chunk of rock held in his hands.
"Fethry!" Della complains, dodging yet another laser burst. "What are you doing?!?"
"I'm aligning our spiritual energy with the stones of this cave." Fethry replies placidly. "I read about it in The Great Zoltan's Guide to Western Understandings of East of Middle Eastern Mysticism."
"..."
"..."
"Oommm."
"Fethry!!!"
Triplets Martial Check: Get the Villain
12% CoS, 9- 100+
92+16+10+20+5 (Junior Woodchuck Surprise)=138
Marco contest
87% CoS, 14- 90+
8+36+29+10+7+7+5+5=105
Critical Failure
You, meanwhile, have once again been cornered by small children.
"Come on, guys!" you insist. "You're gonna get yourselves hurt if you don't stop this!" The subconscious part of your brain is already calculating how best to take them out. A sweep of the foot to knock the green one off balance, use the blue one's momentum against him to dislocate his arm, and- no, you force yourself to stop thinking about how to genuinely injure the literal children. You may have done stuff like this when you were a year or two older than them, but that's no reason to submit more children to the same sort of adolescent physical trauma you're used to.
"Get him!" Huey insists as he launches himself through the air in some ill-conceived attempt at a tackle. For a moment you are reminded of your old rival Jeremy Birnbaum, and have to yet again push down the urge to dislocate a limb. You easily dodge out of the way, and Huey, once he stands back up, groans in frustration.
"Aaagh, this isn't working!" He complains, reaching into his coat and pulling out the same massive book he'd resorted to several times. "Maybe there's something in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to help us through-"
"Oh, give me that." Louie says, snatching the book out of Huey's hands.
"Hey!"
A second later it is flying through the air towards you. You put up a hand intent on stopping the book, only to be caught off guard as it proves to be three or four times heavier than you were expecting. In addition to probably spraining your wrist, the lost momentum forces you to stumble backwards, lose your balance, and land…
Where the moai are stomping their invisible foe.
Oh god. You think.
"Oh god!" You scream, as you once again experience being trampled, this time on burning rock.
To add insult to injury, the birds are still singing.
"The boys in the back are called Macaws-"
"Because of their claws?"
"No, but claws they don't pause!"
"And these fine stone fellows are called the moai
And ten are more deadly than one moai's try!"
Marco martial roll: You are Being Stomped
60% CoS, 16- 87+
39+36+23+10+12+7+7+5=139
Moai contest
40% CoS, 6- 97+
77+30+20+35+5=167
Failure
You struggle to fight back against the moai, trying to extricate yourself from the kick-pit while also doing some damage. Sadly, you do not. Your attempts at an open-palm strike only serve to confirm that your wrist is sprained, and you don't have the run-up you need to deal any real damage to solid stone.
Lizzy Martial Check: Friendship Violence
52% CoS, 15- 86+
70+36+27+10+7+7+5=162
Moai contest
48% CoS, 5- 96+
84+30+20+35+5=174
Failure
"Don't worry Marco, I will save you." Lizzy says with conviction but unfortunately without feeling. She takes a tentative step onto the blazing rock. "My armor is rated for magmatic convection considering my… history."
She takes another tentative step.
"Then why are you just standing there?!?" You complain, trying your best not to touch the burning ground while also not touching the moai currently stomping you, a very difficult proposition considering they are the only things currently present.
"Stanley never used anything quite this hot. The armor's outer protection would fail halfway-through, even assuming it is not as deep as to cause me to sink-"
"Try something else!" you shout.
Lizzy contemplates this and turns to Dennis, who is still in the process of peeling himself out of a toon-shaped crater in the wall. "Dennis, do you have ideas?"
"Sometimes!" Dennis replies. "Hmm. Well, we're hitting them and it isn't working. Maybe we can try something else?"
"Dennis, I'm getting close to combustion point!" You complain, clinging for dear life to one of the moai's legs.
"If physical confrontation proves infeasible, perhaps nonphysical vectors would work." Lizzy clangs her scepter against a stone.
"You." She yells, fiddling with some kind of amplifier on her helmet.
"Who?" One of the Moai asks, hand clasped painfully over your torso.
"You. Moai. I would like to bargain."
"Sorry miss, the gift shop is closed right now."
"I do not want souvenirs." She yells calmly. "I need you to toss Marco back over here."
She pauses.
"Away from the lava!"
Moai Martial Check: Well, You Heard the Lady
44% CoS, 6- 97+
79+30+20+35+5=169
Lizzy contest
56% CoS, 16- 87+
66+36+27+10+7+7+5+5=163
Bare Success
The moai shrug as the last of the illusion slips away. "Okay!"
One of the moai, able to see you once more, grabs you about the waist and heaves you up. A moment later you are being flung through the air, where you land on Lizzy with an unpleasant impact.
"Thank you." You mutter.
"I would like you to get off of me." Lizzy replies.
You stand up awkwardly. You've got a few burns, and possibly some new scars, but you've had worse. "Sorry."
"Technically, this counts as what my socialization agent calls a 'trust fall'. I can tell him about this later. Apology accepted."
"Have you come up with an idea yet?" Dennis asks. You've gotten used to the way he just sort of slides into frame.
"Working on it."
"Our show is delightful, our song you adore
Though your awful behavior, we all do abhor."
"So while we sing, we will still combat
And our big rocky friends will be stomping you flat."
"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room
All birds the sing words-"
"And they spell your doom!"
"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room!"
Nokkar Martial Check: Contain this Chaos
71% CoS, 3- 94+
59+30+20+35+5=149
Della contest
29% CoS, 7- 98+
60+16+20+20+10=126
Success
Nokkar reaches out, grabbing onto Della and pinning her to the ground with the force of an avalanche.
"Cease this foolishness."
"The Man can't keep me down, man!"
The triplets groan, and Dewey closes his eyes. "Our mom is, like, a bajillion years behind on slang."
"That's arguably a good thing." Huey replies.
"This is not radical!" Della screams.
"No." Louie says.
===
Janna Intrigue Roll: Get past everyone
Rolling DC
34+27+22=83
Nokkar Contest
DC 83
53% CoS, 5- 96+
40+21+14=75
Bare Failure
Della Contest
DC 83
50% CoS, 5- 96+
58+17+15=90
Bare Success
"I have no wish to use higher-grade weapons on misguided earthlings." Nokkar declares, arm still pinning a furiously wriggling Della. "The beasts contained within were never meant to be freed."
"Says you!" Della grunts, arms attempting to find purchase on Nokkar's metallic vambrace. Fingers scrabbling, she turned her head… to see Janna, slipping towards the bubbling mantle that held back your army.
The army. The army.
"Oh no you don't!" Della declares, summoning untold reserves of strength to squeeze herself from between Nokkar's grip. She immediately pulls herself to her webbed feet and begins racing after Janna. "Not so fast!"
"Yes so fast!" Feldrake replies, letting out another burst of icy cold seeking to halt Della's march.
Janna Solo Combat Check: Avoid the dramatic moment
30% CoS, 7- 98+
83+29=112
Della contest:
70% CoS, 3- 94+
30+16+20+15(DUCK RAGE!!!)=81
Success!
"I think you've got cold feet!" Feldrake chuckles as the icy burst freezes Della in place.
"Oh come on!" She complains, trying to tug them free.
"Okay, no time for second guessing." Janna said, climbing to the top of the gently glowing mantle and twirling her staff over her head. "Feldrake, crack 'em open!"
"One lava army, comin' up!"
Della squawks. "Don't you dare free those lava lizards! I'm gonna free those lava lizards!"
"...wait, what?" Janna asks.
"Wait, what?" You ask.
"You do not know what you are doin-" Nokkar attempts to declare while simultaneously raising his laser.
"Zapping now!" Feldrake declares.
There is a burst of lightning, and then a larger one of unbearable heat, flooding down from the cracked mantle that widens and widens into a yawning portal like a hillside erupting. The entire volcano shudders for a moment, and the ground beneath you bubbles.
"So, uh." Dennis asks a fraction of a second before the Triplets can do so. "What happens now?"
Then the portal begins to bulge forth once more. A vast, squirming font of magma bubbles outwards, swelling, bloating far past the point it should have stopped. It grows, and grows, and grows, until at last, there is a gentle pop, and a tiny, pathetic limb springs out. Then another, and then twice more, until with a final pop a miniscule, bloated head springs forth on the top of the vast, rotund body.
"Oh, helloooooooo there~"
Nokkar gazes upon the queen of the lava lizards.
"What."
"At last, I may bathe the world in my hot goo!"
"Feldrake." You say calmly. "What is that?"
"The Queen of the Lava Lizards, I guess?" Feldrake replies, suddenly awkward. "Her profile picture looked thinner."
"That's very shallow." Lizzy notes.
"Shallow? Look at her, she's got fathoms."
"This is what you have been protecting the world from for centuries?" Nokkar asks, turning to the Moai with a tone of rising annoyance.
"Wait- you didn't even know what you were guarding?" You ask.
"Oh, this is so very bad guys! She is out!" One of the moai trembles.
"This is all your fault, Jeff!"
"Oooooooh, Feldrake~ So good to see you again!" The Queen declares, rotating slowly to gaze upon him as a coterie of lava lizards lifts the corpulent queen up out of the portal she had just barely fit through. "Ready to help us destroy the world in glorious gooey fire?"
"Wait. Destroy the world?" Feldrake asks quietly. He pauses for a moment.
"Oh god dammit! I knew I was forgetting something!"
"These things are gonna destroy the world? You don't want them to destroy the world? Why didn't anyone tell me they were gonna destroy the world!?!" Della asks.
"Of course not!" Feldrake answers the only question enough about him for him to care. "Back in the day I might have been willing to try for a few 'rule over the ashes' plans, but that's all behind me now. I'm a new staff! More patient, and likable in my comedic sociopathy."
"Tolerable maybe." Janna notes.
"Listen." You ask, trying desperately to salvage this. "I don't suppose you would be willing to reeeel it back in on the world-destroying-thingy?"
"Hrmmm." The Queen considers the question. "Nope, sorry. Think we're going to have to go ahead."
"This has been an enormous waste of time." You groan.
"I have stood watch over this world for more than seven of your Earth centuries." Nokkar states. "And yet, I agree with you."
"Heyy. If we help clean this up, can we call it even?" Janna asks.
"Perhaps if you leave afterwards." Nokkar replies.
"Okay, wait, who's the bad guy?" Dewey asks.
"Giant evil lava blob." Louie replies, back on his phone and trying to get reception.
"We really need to get better about talking to people." Lizzy notes.
"Please stop spelling it out." Janna asks.
"We've kumbayaed enough, ice this sucker!" Feldrake declares.
Janna Martial Check: Ice this sucker
86% CoS, 1- 92+
10+36+29+10+7+7+5=104
Queen of the Lava Lizards Contest
14% CoS, 9- 100+
63+22+25(Lava Lizard Swarm)=110
Critical Failure
Janna raises Feldrake, aims his frosting maw towards the Queen's hulking mass… and frowns when Feldrake coughs slightly and accomplishes nothing.
"Feldrake?"
"What? You've been using that spell a lot and you haven't reloaded."
"You need to reload?!?"
"When I'm doing all the heavy magical lifting, yes!"
"How?!?!"
"There's a little switch under my spines-"
With a heave, the Queen's servants lift her off the peak of the broken mantle, and she begins to body surf towards you, melting the floor of the caldera as she goes. With the passage clear, a flood of smaller salamanders follows after her, cheering gleefully about the thought of revenge for past stompings.
Queen of the Lava Lizards: Flood the World In Burning Goo
Rolling DC
80+22+25=127
Janna Contest
DC 127
67% CoS, 3- 94+
38+93=131
Bare Success
Della Contest
DC 127
30% CoS, 7- 98+
29+56=85
Failure
"Which spines, which spines?!?" Janna yells, desperately searching the back of Feldrake's neck.
"The third one!"
"Which third one?!?"
You suddenly realize that if you don't do something, Janna is going to get flooded with liquid rock. There isn't too much need for thought after that- you leap, slamming into her and pushing her out of the way just in time. The two of you land on the increasingly small part of the caldera that is not a burning inferno, looking over the melting basalt trail left behind you.
"That was… close." Janna admits after a moment.
"Happy you had the 'safe kid' here?" You ask.
"Yes fine, whatever."
You look around. "We need a way out of here before she activates this whole volcano."
"Harrow!!!" A grumbling voice calls out.
You look up instead.
"Leopold!" Feldrake screams out. "I thought I told you to wait on the ship!"
"Daddy's in trouble!" The great ugly beast blurbles as it swoops down.
"Stop looking a gift abomination in the mouth, get on!" you yell, giving Janna a hand as you climb aboard your… noble… steed.
Della, unfortunately, has no such flying monstrosity. She leaps out of the way of the Lava Queen easily, only to sniff the air a moment later. "Does anyone smell bacon?"
She looks down to see the joints of her prosthetic leg melting.
"Aaaah! Oooh, ah, convection! I haven't stored bacon in there in weeks! Aa-o-razza-frazza-"
Della hops one-legged across the shrinking circle of solidity, a gentle 'Ow! Oof!' and various minced oaths for the sake of her kids coming with each impact. Eventually she runs out of balance, flopping to the ground on a chunk of relatively solid basalt. She groans.
"Kids… I think I'm gonna have to sit the rest of this out."
"What- why??" Dewey asks. "This is just getting exciting!"
"I've fallen unconscious enough times from exhaustion and smoke inhalation to know… when… it's…"
Flump.
"I think we should go now." Huey says quietly.
"Fear not." Nokkar says, stepping forward to protect the triplets behind his bulk. "I will not waver in my task."
The Moai look up from their quailing. "Y-yeah! No wavering!"
Nokkar Martial check: Fulfill your Duties
87% CoS, 1- 92+
44+30+20+35+5+5(Moaitivation)=139
Queen of the Lava Lizards Contest:
13% CoS, 9- 100+
44+22+25=91
Success
Though no outward change occurrs, Nokkar's next burst from his sidearm produces a whirling tangle of lights that wrap themselves around the Queen, constraining her form between an interlocking series of rotating rings. Small orbs pulse along their circumference, delivering small shocks to her form wherever it intersects with the energy prison barely large enough to contain her.
"Ooooh, that smaaaaaarts!" She wails temulously.
Moai Martial check: The Two-Step
87% CoS, 1- 92+
93+30+20+35+5+5=188
Lava Lizards Contest:
13% CoS, 7- 98+
30+22+25=77
Critical Success
The lava lizards blanch as their queen is threatened, the molten rock that makes up their amorphous forms turning a few shades closer to yellow. "We must protect the quee-"
The lizard cut its declaration short as one of the moai splattered it against the ground.
"Oh no you don't!" Another moai declares.
"This is what we were made for!"
As one, the moai engage in a curbstomp-cum-dance off, shearing through the lizard's numbers through the mere weight of their craggy feet. A few, though, escape their ensquishening and move to menace the few still on the ground.
"Mom, give me your leg!" Dewey says.
"...whazzah Donoll?"
"Aagh, forget it. Louie, help me!"
Triplets Martial Roll: I'm Going to Need Her Leg
34% CoS, 7- 98+
58+10+20=88
Lava Lizards Contest
66% CoS, 3- 94+
44+22+10(Diminished Horde)=76
Success!
Louie quickly finishes unscrewing his mother's leg, a large part of him questioning how that sentence came to be, only for Dewey to snatch the thermally punished metal out of his hand the second it came free. Immediately Dewey turns to brandish it at the encroaching lizards, waving it wildly in their faces. "Stay back you, you-"
"Igneous ignoramuses?" Huey suggests.
"Yeah, what he said! Or else-"
A rock went straight through the lizard's head, causing it to fall apart into a quickly cooling lava pool.
"The stones… have been aligned." Fethry says triumphantly.
===
"You have begun to irritate me." Lizzy says, gazing upon the Lava Queen with the full force of her disdain.
"You- you dare insult my magnificence?" The Lava Queen asks, albeit with a slowly rising note of concern.
Queen Lizzy Martial Check: Regicide
94% CoS, 0- 90+
48+36+27+10+7+7+5=140
Lava Contest
6% CoS, 9- 100+
98+22+5(Broken Horde)=125
Success
Lizzy punches the lava with her heat-resistant armor, digging deep into the queen's bulk.
"I am the Queen here." Lizzy explains. "Marco!"
"On it!" You reply, seeing your chance. "Leopold, take us in!"
"Ruff?"
"Do what he says Leo." Janna says.
"Ruff!"
"His name is not Leo!" Feldrake complains. "It is Leopold! It demands respect!"
"It demands a pompadour." Janna replies. And then you are diving.
Marco Martial Check: Safety First
94% CoS 0- 90+
88+36+29+10+7+7+5=180
Lava Contest
6% CoS 9- 100+
24+22+5=51
Success
Summoning the power of Jo-Lan to your fist, you line up your shot. No risks are taken, no focus is missed. Leopold flies closer, and closer, and…
"Oh no." The queen says.
"Oh yeah." You smirk.
Bam!
The Lava Queen explodes into a vast rain of burning rock, an instantaneous eruption that reminds you uncomfortably of popping a pimple. A cheer goes up from the Moai and the remaining conscious ducks as Janna claps you on the back, and the remaining lizards shriek and flee for the safety of the underground. You smile, look up at the sky, and for a moment, allow yourself to bask in victory.
"...lava rain." You say.
"What?" Janna asks.
"Lava rain lava rain!" You shriek, pointing upwards at the rapidly descending remains of the queen. Janna raises Feldrake in a jerky movement, and a wall of frosty air pushes the cooling rock away from the rest of your… allies?
"Oh hey, you found the reload." Feldrake says.
"There was no reload, Feldrake." Janna replies.
"Look, I haven't had a massage in five centuries!"
You land before the conversation can go any further, you and Janna sliding off Leopold's back.
"Well." You say, stretching your limbs for post-strain limberness. "That happened. Sorry about disturbing the peace of your island for… basically no reason."
"But why?" Nokkar asks, his form stomping over to yours but making no hostile moves yet. "If you are not bent on conquest, why seek an army of destruction? Even one as… questionable as this." Nokkar looks again at the remains of the… very weird army.
"Negaduck." You reply, seeing no reason to lie.
"What?" Nokkar asks, no recognition in his voice.
"Negaduck!??!" Fethry shrieks. "That terrifying villain is after you?"
"And a whole lot of other people." You confirm. "We were hoping to find something that could help."
"Heeeeey." One of the moai pipes up. "It'll take centuries for them to reform. We just got freed from our eternal vigil! Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
The moai think hard.
"Forever vacation!" One cheers.
"Wooooooo!!!"
The moai begin an immediate, earthshaking conga line.
"Please forgive them." Nokkar says, coming to stand beside you. "Their intentions are pure, but they are yet young in their watch. The power here that grants them life did so quite recently, in the grand design."
"Uh… sure." You reply.
"While my resources are limited, my sensors are not. If you inform me of the means by which this… 'Nagaduck' travels, I may be able to track his movements."
"That… could be difficult." You reply.
"By what means does he navigate?" Nokkar asks.
You think, for a very long moment, if you want to answer that. Eventually, a general interest in preventing mass casualties forces your hand. Literally, in fact, as you hold out your Scissors.
"These."
"Hrm." Nokkar bathes your hand in a shining light that makes you briefly worried he is cooking it. "Very exotic readings. I will need time to examine this, but in that time, I may be able to track their use."
"Wha- really?!?!" You ask. "That's great! And, uh, also a little concerning."
"I will alert you if efforts bear fruit. However, in the meantime, I must insist you vacate this island before you draw yet more attention to my long vigil."
"Uh, right. Yeah, that's… fair." You agree, rubbing the back of your head.
"So you guys… aren't supervillains?" Dewey asks uncertainly.
"Well-" Lizzy begins. You slap a hand over her mouth.
"No. No we are not." You say simply. "We just wanted help."
"And to find Donald!" Dennis adds.
"Why are you looking for Uncle Donald, anyway?" Huey asks.
"He's cool." Dennis replies.
"What?!" The triplets say in unison. "Not possible."
"Yes possible! I'll prove it!" Dennis responds, looking like he's about to pull out the projector again. You decide to forestall that.
"Okay, we should really get going. Get Lizzy, and Janna, and… where's Janna?"
"I don't know! Now get me out of here before the lava finishes cooling!" Feldrake complains.
He's been left stuck in the rock.
===
"Well, it looks like the big guy was telling the truth." Janna notes, turning to look out at the ocean. The very last light of the evening slips below the surface as the waves perform their slow, rhythmic crash upon the sands. Nokkar's odd craft sits nearby, a silver streak gleaming softly in the twilight.
Kitsune sits on a rock right on the edge of the water. She pets Amur gently on the head, the great stone beast cradled on her lap like a puppy. He rumbles happily.
"So it seems." Kitsune's voice is calm. Measured. From behind, impossible for Janna to read.
Janna runs a hand through her hair. Her arms fall, coming to rest in her lap after a brief moment. "I should've done this a while ago, huh?"
"Perhaps. But you would not have been able to until you were ready for it." Kitsune stares out into the endless sea. She still doesn't look back.
And so Janna took a breath. "I could never really figure out if you were my-" She cuts herself off. "No, start again. Are you ok?"
The pause in Kitsune's response is slight, but Janna can feel it all the same. "I am better than I was."
"...I felt it. When you started pulling away. I never knew if you were really my mentor or my friend, and it started to feel like… you didn't want to be either."
Here, at last, Kitsune turns. Her smile is sad, yet clear. She gestures to the space beside her. "Take a seat, please."
Janna blinks for a moment, old instincts about principal's offices and one-on-one meetings providing advice she had little interest in taking. After too long of a pause she sits, awkwardly, arms on her legs.
Kitsune waits for Janna to settle in before continuing. "Much of this is my own fault. It is a malaise I have unwittingly allowed to settle in myself over the course of centuries. I let the world spin past me, and ultimately I lost sight of how to care. For myself…or others."
"I… thought it might have been… something like that." The words are carefully chosen.
"You feared it was not. You feared it was you. Your own failings."
"Look, I don't exactly have Star's way around a wand." Janna replies after a moment, a gentle scoff accentuating her words. "You're a centuries old magical… being, I'm a 20-something who has to rely on a mouthy stick. Doof… Doof said he'd talked to you, but I didn't see you, after. And then, after a while, I…"
A hand settles on Janna's shoulder. It takes a beat for her to follow it back to its origin, to Kitsune's unfamiliar expression.
"I am sorry." Apologetic. That's what it is. It seems strange on her face, at odds with everything Janna knew about the immortal.
Silence hangs between them for a moment, broken only by the sound of the surf and the calling of birds.
"So what now?" Janna asks.
"What we must." Kitsune gently, carefully, pulls Janna in closer, letting the young woman lean on her shoulder. "To heal, to make amends, and move forwards. What do you wish for the future?"
Janna thought.
"I miss spending time with you."
"There is no reason not to do so."
"Do you still want to teach me?" Janna asks, the worst of her fears beginning to thaw.
"You are a wonderful student." Kitsune grins. "When you are willing to learn."
Janna frowns, slightly. "I'm taking this seriously." She says, emphasis on each word. "Star is out there."
"You are. But you have worries that hold you back. That you will not be enough. That Star Butterfly, this godling faced with an impossible task, will not need you."
"That's why I need to-" Janna cut herself off as the last part of Kitsune's sentence registered. "What?"
She had expected comments about her lack of progress. Perhaps even lack of potential. Not for a second had she considered that Kitsune meant that Star Butterfly might decide she didn't need her help, need all the help she could get…
But Star had done so once before.
"You fear being unable to aid her. That your friend may decide to push you away once again, because-"
"Yes!" Janna snaps. "Yes, like I thought you did, yes. I get it. I see the throughline."
"You are perceptive. Sharp in your judgments, and you strive towards the unexpected. In that regard, I have little to teach you."
"Is that… all you think I have left to learn?"
"Janna, would you like to know a secret?" Kitsune asks, and continues.
"I am not all too much. One of perhaps several hundred fragments of a dead woman's final, petty vengeance, left to blow about in the wind. I am not exceptional. I have no grand mysteries of the universe at my fingers beyond what I was born holding onto, no great treasures to bestow upon you. Even with centuries of time, I am wanting in comparison to others within this very organization's hold. You-"
Janna snorts. "Aren't you building up to some moral about not underestimating myself? It's hard to believe Tobe knows more about magic than you do."
Kitsune flicks Janna in the forehead. "It is not that you have little left to learn, it is that I have little left to teach you. My understandings of magic are instinctual, far from the liturgies that man uses to tame the world's mysteries. I may endeavor to translate that knowledge, but ultimately I am barely more able to aid your growth than the staff."
Kitsune grins at the thought. "That one was certainly never meant to teach. I question if he was ever meant to learn."
"He's… fun." Janna replies, conscious of a desire to defend the bird but fully at a loss to do so.
"Doctor Doofenshmirtz is looking into expanding the coven's capabilities, you know this as well as I. I suggest you take that as an opportunity to find more suitable mentors. Perhaps you may be able to learn from others within the ranks as well."
Janna nods after a moment. "Yeah, okay. I will."
"I'm glad to hear that." Kitsune claps her hands, causing Amur to look up at her, tilting his head inquisitively. She chuckles at the interruption.
"Now that we have resolved my role as a teacher, would you still care to speak as friends?"
"Yes." Janna replies, immediately.
The waves crash gently under a starry sky. Time passes.
"Man." Janna says. "I really should have done this sooner."
"Come and got me sooner is what you should've done!" A familiar and crabby voice replies, held at arm's length. "You left me in a lava bank!"
"Hi Feldrake." Janna smirks, taking the staff from you. You sigh in relief as you are finally allowed to move away from the decibel source.
"What did you two head off for?" You ask. "Della and her crew are already leaving."
"Si!" Jose agrees, fluttering down to land on Feldrake's head amidst considerable mutual squawking. "We even had time to make our peace with the Marco boy."
"Indeed. Ze boy is not a bigot. Merely incroyablé socially incompeténte." Pierre agrees.
"Sorry about das whole 'assault' ting!" Fritz chuckles.
"Friends?" You ask amiably.
"No."
"Oh."
"Well come now. Let's nat be inhaspitable." Michael comments. "After all, your boss is quite well connected, isn'e now? I don't suppose he'd be willin' tae send some vacation packages off ta' thae old Tiki Room?"
You consider your boss' appreciation for the strange and weird. "I don't know..."
Kitsune leans in and whispers in your ear. "Creatures this suffused with magic are rare indeed. I suggest you not waste your second chance."
You clap your hands together and rearrange your facial muscles into a smile. "Great idea! Do you have a phone number?"
"Oeuf course we do!"
"We're not animahls!"
"I'm just sad we didn't find Donald." Dennis says, slumping after the rest of you like a literal sad sack.
"I'm just sad he was here before us!" Feldrake interjects. "I'm so sick of having to pick through the dregs of my hard work after those do-gooding Caballeros are through with them. That's it! Next time I see them touching one of my sites, we're going straight there immediately, no waiting."
Janna blinks as she realizes she is no longer holding Feldrake. The staff in question is in fact being driven several inches into the sand, only for Dennis the Duck to clamber up its remaining length, put his arms around what could politely be called Feldrake's neck, and staring directly into his eyes.
"Doyoumeantotellmeyoucouldhavedonethatatanytime?" Dennis asks.
"Not at any time." Feldrake smiles cruelly. "Only when it causes you maximum emotional pain! Now put me down before IhUENGBUBGHUN-"
You stare at Dennis for a moment. "Hey Janna, you uh… you gonna get your staff back?"
Janna watches as Dennis utilizes Feldrake like a shakeweight. "In a minute."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." The Araquan Bird screams.
"You did nothing but mildly inconvenience us." Lizzy complains.
"Buhzuh." The Araquan bird agrees.
===
Quest: Tropical Paradise completed!
The birds of the Enchanted Tiki Room are mostly fine with you now that you've cleared up that little misunderstanding and have offered to perform for you! You're… not certain when or where they'll come in handy. Maybe at some point in the future.
Marco has had the tar beaten out of him again, but he took it like a champ and came back swinging. His Safe Kid trait bonus increases to +8.
Della and her family probably aren't going to be your friends anytime soon, but you've managed to avoid any further comedic misunderstandings and have parted as "not enemies!"
The final quest of Feldrake's World Tour has been unlocked… as soon as Donald shows up.
Janna gains +1 Diplomacy.
Lizzy gains +1 Stewardship.
Kitsune's Occult increases by 1.
Kitsune has left the Marcnificent Few.
Nokkar said that he'll look into tracking dimensional scissors. Marco expects to hear from him at… some point in the future.
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- Pronouns
- She/Her
Wow. That was a wild ride!
This interlude was wild. The rewards weren't quite as good as I was hoping, but still nice. Kitsune leaving the Marcnificent Few wasn't a surprise. Nokkar tracking the scissors seems extremely useful, even if it doesn't help with Negaduck.
She's everything Kitsune and Feldrake aren't.
lmao
I suspect Janna will be able to learn from Celena. Perhaps we should wait to do Janna's study magic personal again until Celena has been recruited?
She's everything Kitsune and Feldrake aren't.
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Well that was fun. Now back to our regularly scheduled Negaduck programming 
…unexpected, but not unwelcome
It sounds like Nokkar's tracking is unlikely to come online before Negaduck's big plan, which has me thinking that it's more likely to be useful for taking the fight to him afterwards.
That's acceptable. Even if we end up failing to stop Negaduck, getting revenge is our schtick.
That's acceptable. Even if we end up failing to stop Negaduck, getting revenge is our schtick.
- Location
- Norfolk, England
My god, it's beautiful.
Potential company retreat to the Enchanted Tiki Room? Heck yeah!
Wouldn't it also help us potentially track down Toffee's using them too?
Wouldn't it also help us potentially track down Toffee's using them too?
I assume it would, which will be helpful whenever the star hunt inevitably reaches its climax.