How Doof Regrew his Arms
"Dad? Weren't your arms Titanium?" Vanessa asked as her Dad hopped up and down after accidentally slamming a hammer onto his thumb without the telltale metal 'bonk.'
"They were!" Heinz Doofenshmirtz replied, sucking his thumb. "But I accidentally regrew them a few years ago!"
"How do you accidentally regrow both your arms?"
"Ah! Well it all started when I was a small child back in Gimmelstump!"
"I don't need the backstory dad, just the science."
"Oh, in that case, you know how the Constitution states that everyone has the right to bare arms?"
"Nevermind, I just realized I don't want the science either," Vanessa decided.
"Oh," Heinz Doofenshmirtz pouted. "Oh! Don't worry Pumpkin! I'll help you pack right after I finish up the Freeze-inator! Wait, is that a good name? Freeze-inator Freeze-inator Freeze-inator Freeze-inator... Freeze-inator? I can't tell. Don't you just hate it when you say a word over and over again and it just starts to lose all meaning, Pumpkin?"
"Dad, I'm headed off to college now. You don't have to call me pumpkin anymore."
"What's that, Pumpkin? I'm trying to remember if Freeze is a real word or something I just made up."
"It's a word, dad."
"Right! Anyway, the Freeze-inator! It lets you freeze yourself until the thing that's irking you is over! 'Irking'... There's another word that sounds made up..."
"Your arms, dad."
"Oh, right. The Bare Arms-Inator misfired and now they're flesh and bone. Well, 97% bone. There was a sale on high carbon steel after I broke my arm? You remember, when we went to the Grand Canyon and OWCA sent Agent G to thwart me?"
"Dad, I'm pretty sure that was just a normal Gila monster. It was wearing a bowler hat, not a fedora."
"Right, anyway, high carbon steel. So I still set off metal detectors from the pins; but otherwise they're all flesh and blood!"
"I love you, dad. I'm really going to miss you when I'm off at college."
"If you ever need any help, be sure to call, okay? Your dad's a big impressive head of state now. I have my own army and everything. If you need help, just call and I'll send a specialist to help you, okay?"
Vanessa laughed, happily. "Definitely."
She paused as she headed towards the door. "Stay safe, Dad. Okay?"
Heinz Doofenshmirtz stared back at his daughter uncomprehendingly. "Okay?"
Vanessa stared at her dad's face, searching. After a few moments she nodded, having found what she was looking for. "Okay."
THE END