Major Monogram leapt to his feet and clapped his hands together. "Alright men! …animals! Dr. Doofenshmirtz has tasked us with finding out who stole the Declaration of Independence! We will put a stop to whatever this nefarious culprit has started, find out if they've acquired any other strange items to fulfil their evil scheme, and save America! Not necessarily in that order. We'll start by stealing the surveillance records from the National Mall. Everyone ready?"
Across the briefing room, a goose gave him the side eye.
"Oh come on! What could go wrong?"
---
Major Monogram glared as the cell bars closed in front of him.
"Don't you dare say a word, Agent G."
Okay, Major Monogram admitted to himself. Maybe he'd gotten a bit overconfident in his newly trained agents. Maybe he'd made a few mistakes along the line. But now was not the time for pointed wingtips. Now was the time to develop some brilliant plan to get them out of this scenario. Something that would wow everyone with his espionage skill and covert brilliance.
Monogram thought.
"…Hey! Don't I get a phone call!?"
The guard sighed. "Fine, who are you calling?"
"Uh…"
---
"Don't worry sir." Carl began calmingly. "I have an idea on how to get you out of this without causing a major incident. Heh, Major incident. Heh heh."
"Focus, Carl!" Monogram yelled into the phone receiver.
"R-right, sorry. So, you didn't actually do anything wrong. It's hard to believe, but technically we still are…"
---
"-a Federal agency." The bear across the table from you sighed in a thick Thembrian accent. He was dressed in a dark suit, dark tie, and a frown that showed off his extremely sharp teeth.
"I kannot belief it. You seempeltons are aktually government agents. While what you have done represents gross incompetence and initiative bordering on insubordination, you haf not, tekhnically, committed crime."
"Of course we are! Mr, uh… Gryzlikoff?" Monogram read off the bear's nametag. "While I will admit I may have had a few… missteps today, The Organization Without A Cool Acronym has been a bastion against Evil Science for years, I'm sure our achievements and accolades are-"
"I had to find the files myself. They were at the bottom of bathroom stall in sub-basement of SHUSH branch office behind locked door with sign saying 'Beware of Elephant'."
"Well, once you cross Agent E he never really forgets." Monogram replied offhandedly. "I suppose the name change to NOWCA might have caused some issue. Now, if we're all done here, I do have other duties-"
"Yeys." Agent Gryzlikoff replied. "I haf no more interest in being here than you. Uncle Sam is thinking 'oh, animals problems. We will send our own animals.' Feh. You will report to Agent 'Lucky 31' from now on. Expect orders within the week once channels are eystablished."
"Yes yes, I- wait what?"
"You work for government." Gryzlikoff replied bluntly as he stood up. "Prepare to start working."
---
Lack of Agency: The US Government has been reminded that NOWCA works for them! Each turn, Major Monogram must make a weighted roll to see if the government has a job for him (depending on how busy the government is). If so, he will be locked into a personal action while the government receives him as a hero unit for the turn. You can expect Monogram to be free more often than not, but you won't know until the turn is posted at the start of each turn.
www.aceodds.com
