[jk] Deny the deal
-[jk] Shove the car in the trunk
-[jk] Shove the car in the trunk
DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest
- Thread starter Made in Heaven
- Start date
- Crossover
Barondoctor
The things I chase come to me.
- Location
- The other side of the mirror
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Is it bad that I looked at this and looked for the post it came from, only to find that I wasn't sure if I was pleased or disappointed to find there wasn't one?
AProcrastinator
You can Certainly Try
- Location
- Getting Somewhere
- Pronouns
- She/Hers
It's a placeholder. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to fill in an actual post.
Sooner or later.
- Location
- California
@Arathnorn posted this in the discord a few hours ago
Granted, we were fusing Cars with teamo supremo, but I think that makes it better
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You Can Always Count on Me
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
You Can Always Count on Me; or, Mirage's Audition
Mirage wasn't sure about this at all. Not just the song she'd picked for this audition, but the idea that she was auditioning at all. What was she doing? She wasn't a singer!
And yet... somehow when Francis asked, he'd managed to convince her to try out. 'Doofenshmirtz is working on a musical', he explained over drinks after work the night before. And then.... Honestly what he said and his arguments were a bit of a blur, but here she was with a set of sheet music and stand up on stage while Lyndanna played in her intro.
She started slow.
I'm one of a long line of good girls
Who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on.
Boy did she...
The girl with a face that says welcome
That men can wipe their feet on...
Boy did he...
I'm there when he calls me the trusted girl Friday alright...
But what good does it do me alone on a Saturday night?
The song spoke to her. She'd always been the trusted advisor, the perfect henchwoman. Even now in the employ of a man actually striving to make the world a better place with absolutely no PR sense to speak of, she hadn't changed a bit.
If you need a gal to go without salary and work too hard?
You can always count on me.
That was her in a nutshell.
The kind of a pal who'd sneak you a file past the prison guard
Loyal to the nth degree!
Not that Syndrome had respected that Loyalty at all...
The boss is quite the ladies' man and that's my biggest gripe!
'Til I showed up he'd never hired a girl 'cause she could type!
That was a bit of a stretch, though, technically still true about her new boss, wasn't it?
I'm no femme fatale but faithful and true as a Saint Bernard
Barking up the wrong damn tree!
You can always count on me!
The song sped on, Mirage belting out the words and her pain as she sunk into the twin roles of Oolie and Donna as she just released all her woes with her words.
I go for the riff raff who's treating me so so!
When I can play the second fiddle I'm a virtuoso!
She shouted, drawing on her experience with Buddy, the last in a long line of questionable decisions as she sashayed up and down the stage, the words just coming to her.
Before Mirage knew it, the final verse hit her.
Though my kind of dame no doubt will die out like the dinosaurs...
You can always count on me!
I'm solely to blame, my head gives advice that my heart ignores!
I'm my only enemy!
I choose the kind who can-not introduce the girl he's with!
There's lots of smirking motel clerks who call me Mrs. Smith!
But I've made a name with hotel detectives who break down doors!
Guess who they expect to see?
You can always count on- Bet a large amount on!
Mirage inhaled, her chest filling for the final line.
You can always count on me!
The applause came as a shock, pulling her back into reality.
"Perfect!" Francis praised. Even Lyndanna, her teen pop-star crush was smiling at her. But Mirage just felt drained.
"You're perfect for the role!" Francis exclaimed.
"Save it," Mirage replied. "I can't do this," she replied. "I'm drained after one song. I wouldn't last a whole show."
Francis frowned, but nodded. "The role's there for you if you want it," he agreed. "But until then, there's tea with honey in the back. It should help your throat."
Mirage smiled back. Francis was so thoughtful. Shame he didn't seem interested. "A matter of fact, if you want an ill-fated love affair..." Mirage whispered to herself.
"You can always count on me."
Mirage wasn't sure about this at all. Not just the song she'd picked for this audition, but the idea that she was auditioning at all. What was she doing? She wasn't a singer!
And yet... somehow when Francis asked, he'd managed to convince her to try out. 'Doofenshmirtz is working on a musical', he explained over drinks after work the night before. And then.... Honestly what he said and his arguments were a bit of a blur, but here she was with a set of sheet music and stand up on stage while Lyndanna played in her intro.
She started slow.
I'm one of a long line of good girls
Who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on.
Boy did she...
The girl with a face that says welcome
That men can wipe their feet on...
Boy did he...
I'm there when he calls me the trusted girl Friday alright...
But what good does it do me alone on a Saturday night?
The song spoke to her. She'd always been the trusted advisor, the perfect henchwoman. Even now in the employ of a man actually striving to make the world a better place with absolutely no PR sense to speak of, she hadn't changed a bit.
If you need a gal to go without salary and work too hard?
You can always count on me.
That was her in a nutshell.
The kind of a pal who'd sneak you a file past the prison guard
Loyal to the nth degree!
Not that Syndrome had respected that Loyalty at all...
The boss is quite the ladies' man and that's my biggest gripe!
'Til I showed up he'd never hired a girl 'cause she could type!
That was a bit of a stretch, though, technically still true about her new boss, wasn't it?
I'm no femme fatale but faithful and true as a Saint Bernard
Barking up the wrong damn tree!
You can always count on me!
The song sped on, Mirage belting out the words and her pain as she sunk into the twin roles of Oolie and Donna as she just released all her woes with her words.
I go for the riff raff who's treating me so so!
When I can play the second fiddle I'm a virtuoso!
She shouted, drawing on her experience with Buddy, the last in a long line of questionable decisions as she sashayed up and down the stage, the words just coming to her.
Before Mirage knew it, the final verse hit her.
Though my kind of dame no doubt will die out like the dinosaurs...
You can always count on me!
I'm solely to blame, my head gives advice that my heart ignores!
I'm my only enemy!
I choose the kind who can-not introduce the girl he's with!
There's lots of smirking motel clerks who call me Mrs. Smith!
But I've made a name with hotel detectives who break down doors!
Guess who they expect to see?
You can always count on- Bet a large amount on!
Mirage inhaled, her chest filling for the final line.
You can always count on me!
The applause came as a shock, pulling her back into reality.
"Perfect!" Francis praised. Even Lyndanna, her teen pop-star crush was smiling at her. But Mirage just felt drained.
"You're perfect for the role!" Francis exclaimed.
"Save it," Mirage replied. "I can't do this," she replied. "I'm drained after one song. I wouldn't last a whole show."
Francis frowned, but nodded. "The role's there for you if you want it," he agreed. "But until then, there's tea with honey in the back. It should help your throat."
Mirage smiled back. Francis was so thoughtful. Shame he didn't seem interested. "A matter of fact, if you want an ill-fated love affair..." Mirage whispered to herself.
"You can always count on me."
Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
[X] Agree to the Duke's offer
- [X] Yo dawg, I heard you liked forgetting drug dealers in the trunk, so we built a trunk inside the trunk so you can forget the drug dealers while forgetting the drug dealers
- [X] Yo dawg, I heard you liked forgetting drug dealers in the trunk, so we built a trunk inside the trunk so you can forget the drug dealers while forgetting the drug dealers
BlueWerewolf25
The Dreamer
- Location
- Wouldn't You Like To Know?
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
[JK] Agree to the Duke's offer
-[JK] Throw in the drug dealer in the trunk in exchange for continued communication or a rundown of the major powers in the wastes.
-[JK] Ask the Duke if he's ever met sentient cars in the Wasteland.
-[JK] Throw in the drug dealer in the trunk in exchange for continued communication or a rundown of the major powers in the wastes.
-[JK] Ask the Duke if he's ever met sentient cars in the Wasteland.
BlueWerewolf25
The Dreamer
- Location
- Wouldn't You Like To Know?
- Pronouns
- He/His/Him
Amazing writing, but poor Mirage does not deserve being shipped to Monobrow
- Location
- Academy City
- Pronouns
- They
Good. Monogram is married, and NTR is a trash fetish.Amazing writing, but poor Mirage does not deserve being shipped to Monobrow
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Yeah. It's not like she got away with Murder. Murders. Participating in a systemically planned serial killing of supers by a crazed megalomaniac...Amazing writing, but poor Mirage does not deserve being shipped to Monobrow
Nothing to deserve this at all!
Is he though? He has a son, but we never hear about or see his wife. He's probably a widower.
Or maybe Mirage has terrible taste in men?
EDIT: No, apparently I was wrong, he is Married. But the song has plenty of verses about unknowingly sleeping with Married Men so, really that just makes my Omake better.
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Still alive and just hasn't appeared on screen.
- Location
- Academy City
- Pronouns
- They
She's still alive. She was introduced in season 1 during... one of the briefing scenes, I couldn't tell you which one. I think it wasn't in the standard lair though? She also is mentioned a couple more times, like when Monogram was lying at home sick in "Excaliferb," she made him and Carl sandwhiches for lunch. She never appears on screen though.
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Yeah. I checked her wiki page after posting, she's real.
But the song has plenty of verses about unknowingly sleeping with Married Men! So, really that just makes my Omake better.
- Location
- The City of Tears, Hallownest
- Pronouns
- He/Him
this is "technically" mechanically true, in that mirage was our first female hero unit, but we had already been hiring the good doctor to teach khan english for months before she even applied.
Torgamous
Aspiring Gynoid
- Pronouns
- She/Her
And you don't rule a Tri-State Area without hiring a lot more than a dozen people, so all we know for sure is that Mirage broke the hero unit glass ceiling.
Interlude: One Man's Trash- Some Other Time
- Location
- Pennsylvania
[X] Agree to the Duke's offer
"Very well, that seems… reasonable?" You say after a moment, aware that it does not but not knowing how to dance around the issue.
"Radical." The Duke responds, snapping his fingers. One of his henchpeople throw you the keys. "I knew you'd be broskis about it."
Stewardship Check: Don't forget the drug dealer in the trunk
DC 45 needed: 14+22+18=54
Bare Success!
Technor and Lizzy start to unload the supplies from the jet car into the gaudy-looking limousine. You make a mental tally just to make sure you're not forgetting anything- there are the rations, the bedrolls, the purified water, the scrapped parts of those odd-looking robots…
Oh, right. Silly you. You nearly forgot about the drug dealer in the trunk. That's not a sentence you've ever had to think before.
"Where am I?" The man asks groggily as you pop the trunk open. You lift the guy out, banging his head a couple of times. He'll be fine.
The Duke lovingly caresses the hood of his new car, grinning like a kid in a candy store. "Now, if there's nothing else-"
"Actually, there is one thing." Hego speaks up. "You say you're the 'Duke' of Detroit? What happened to Detroit?"
The Duke freezes mid-saunter. Every single one of his minions within earshot flinch simultaneously, and despite the hot sun, you swear that the air just got a little colder.
The Duke turns around very calmly. With none of his previous swagger on display, he walks over to Hego and gently puts a hand on his shoulder. "I understand you're new here, so I'm gonna let you off easy this time." He pulls off the gas mask and chuckles to himself. "Don't ever, EVER ASK ME ABOUT DETROIT AGAIN!" His tone switches from conversational to frothing mad in under a second, screaming directly in Hego's face with no regard for his personal space.
Even Hego looks a little taken aback and flounders for a response before he's cut off by the Duke. "But let's not waste time on unpleasantries. You seem pretty... useful. Hit me up if you're ever in my neck a' the wasteland, ey compadres? We could all have some real fun together." The Duke pats Hego jovially on the shoulder, then wanders away. The minions begin packing up the red carpet.
You make a mental note to never ask the Duke about Detroit ever again. You don't need Technor to tell you that there's some history there. Now that you're not in imminent danger of getting killed, it's time to take stock of the situation and return home.
---
'Shiv' McQueen was not having a good day.
It all started going wrong when some blustering fool stumbled across his operation and had the gall to call him on it like he was a naughty preschooler. The fool had been utterly ineffective in combat, especially when Shiv had dosed up with some of the Cartel's finest, but somehow he managed to knock him out despite tripping over literally nothing midair.
When he woke up inside a trunk he thought that was the end of it, but no, the idiot's friends knocked him out again by mistake when they were moving him into another car. This one was a lot nicer, he had to admit, with all sorts of fun electronic devices embedded in the wall and a couple of those ugly wrecked robots keeping him company.
To top it all off, he was coming down at the worst possible time. Whoever did the performance of 'Razzle Dazzle' outside had made his headache a hundred times worse.
The one who tied him up was not very good at knots, but that was the least of his concerns right now. Escaping was a risky proposition- not because of his captives, since anyone with that level of moral aggrandizing probably wouldn't kill him, but because of the horrifically toxic wasteland he would be trapped in with little food or water.
He could make this work. While the fools had frisked him for weapons, they had neglected to take away all of his stash. Luckily for him, he was left with one dose of 'Unlimited Power', a drug that granted enhanced cognition and the lightning powers that he enjoyed so much. It wouldn't be very smart to use those right now, but the nootropic would do its work, and perhaps help him plan out a method of escape…
---
Intrigue Check: Interrogate the criminal!
DC 100 needed: 79+16+17=112
Success!
Before you actually pack up and leave, Technor takes to interrogating the captured drug dealer. According to his biometric data- which admittedly might be skewed because the guy is obviously high on something right now- he revealed the truth, or most of it. Unfortunately for you there wasn't much to reveal that you didn't already know. High Command was a ruse, of course, but he didn't have a true location on where the bosses of the operation were, or even who they were, aside from an assumed name- 'Hailstorm'. The cartel was still utilizing their tried-and-true method of distribution through highly armored drones which seemed to be getting a huge amount of success thus far. He also eventually provided an overview of how the drugs worked, which should hopefully help along any of your own efforts to re-create the effects via less… objectionable methods. The flight-granting drug was indeed the 'Upper' that had become famous recently, and the lighting blaster was apparently a personal favorite of his called 'Power', which after some needling he admitted was short for 'Ultimate Power'. You suppose if you're a big enough chemistry geek to create super-drugs, you're probably some other kind of geek as well.
Your only problem that remained was actually attempting to drive this accursed car back home. Everything was just similar enough to a normal car to make you think you were in one, and then it threw something bizarre like a holographic display in your face.
When you first punched the accelerator it took the car to eighty miles per hour just to start, as if that was considered a low speed for the contraption. Even more amazingly, when you lost control of it and crashed into a pile of trash, the car proceeded to bounce and skitter across the surface of the pile and the ground below it as though it were a die tossed across a table, turning a surely fatal collision into a somewhat unpleasant experience.
---
'Shiv' Intrigue Check: Figure out how to escape!
DC 100 needed: 83+22+10 (Unlimited Power)=115
'Shiv' waited for hours inside the trunk, getting tossed around like a pinball and nearly getting crushed into paste by those horrid little junk droids until he finally figured upon a decent way to escape. By listening closely to his surroundings until he heard the sounds of civilization again, all it took was a lot of patience until the car pulled up to a red light, at which point he simply popped the trunk and dropped flat on the ground. Due to the absurd length of the limo the drivers never even noticed him, meaning that he was home free!
Shiv decided that after all that, he needed a bit to eat. Out of all the places he could have ended, Shiv quickly learned, much to his rapidly mounting distress, that he had jumped out of the car right in front of the only surviving Bueno Nacho in existence.
---
Quest: One Man's Trash completed!
Knowledge of the Wasteland's real dangers (and some factions) obtained!
Stewardship Action- Diecast Robotics unlocked!
Location of the hidden drug cartel cells discovered! They have used the destruction of High Command to disguise their relocation to the Wasteland, where they are harder to find and almost no one is likely to wander by them! The Wasteland is huge, so it won't be very easy to track them down!
The XT9000 Jet Car has been 'traded' for a Duke of Detroit Limo! DC of Exotic Vehicles Reduced! Janus Lee personal action unlocked!
You have met the Duke of Detroit! He seems very erratic, but also extremely good at presentation! He said some vague stuff about being interested in you in the future!
"Very well, that seems… reasonable?" You say after a moment, aware that it does not but not knowing how to dance around the issue.
"Radical." The Duke responds, snapping his fingers. One of his henchpeople throw you the keys. "I knew you'd be broskis about it."
Stewardship Check: Don't forget the drug dealer in the trunk
DC 45 needed: 14+22+18=54
Bare Success!
Technor and Lizzy start to unload the supplies from the jet car into the gaudy-looking limousine. You make a mental tally just to make sure you're not forgetting anything- there are the rations, the bedrolls, the purified water, the scrapped parts of those odd-looking robots…
Oh, right. Silly you. You nearly forgot about the drug dealer in the trunk. That's not a sentence you've ever had to think before.
"Where am I?" The man asks groggily as you pop the trunk open. You lift the guy out, banging his head a couple of times. He'll be fine.
The Duke lovingly caresses the hood of his new car, grinning like a kid in a candy store. "Now, if there's nothing else-"
"Actually, there is one thing." Hego speaks up. "You say you're the 'Duke' of Detroit? What happened to Detroit?"
The Duke freezes mid-saunter. Every single one of his minions within earshot flinch simultaneously, and despite the hot sun, you swear that the air just got a little colder.
The Duke turns around very calmly. With none of his previous swagger on display, he walks over to Hego and gently puts a hand on his shoulder. "I understand you're new here, so I'm gonna let you off easy this time." He pulls off the gas mask and chuckles to himself. "Don't ever, EVER ASK ME ABOUT DETROIT AGAIN!" His tone switches from conversational to frothing mad in under a second, screaming directly in Hego's face with no regard for his personal space.
Even Hego looks a little taken aback and flounders for a response before he's cut off by the Duke. "But let's not waste time on unpleasantries. You seem pretty... useful. Hit me up if you're ever in my neck a' the wasteland, ey compadres? We could all have some real fun together." The Duke pats Hego jovially on the shoulder, then wanders away. The minions begin packing up the red carpet.
You make a mental note to never ask the Duke about Detroit ever again. You don't need Technor to tell you that there's some history there. Now that you're not in imminent danger of getting killed, it's time to take stock of the situation and return home.
---
'Shiv' McQueen was not having a good day.
It all started going wrong when some blustering fool stumbled across his operation and had the gall to call him on it like he was a naughty preschooler. The fool had been utterly ineffective in combat, especially when Shiv had dosed up with some of the Cartel's finest, but somehow he managed to knock him out despite tripping over literally nothing midair.
When he woke up inside a trunk he thought that was the end of it, but no, the idiot's friends knocked him out again by mistake when they were moving him into another car. This one was a lot nicer, he had to admit, with all sorts of fun electronic devices embedded in the wall and a couple of those ugly wrecked robots keeping him company.
To top it all off, he was coming down at the worst possible time. Whoever did the performance of 'Razzle Dazzle' outside had made his headache a hundred times worse.
The one who tied him up was not very good at knots, but that was the least of his concerns right now. Escaping was a risky proposition- not because of his captives, since anyone with that level of moral aggrandizing probably wouldn't kill him, but because of the horrifically toxic wasteland he would be trapped in with little food or water.
He could make this work. While the fools had frisked him for weapons, they had neglected to take away all of his stash. Luckily for him, he was left with one dose of 'Unlimited Power', a drug that granted enhanced cognition and the lightning powers that he enjoyed so much. It wouldn't be very smart to use those right now, but the nootropic would do its work, and perhaps help him plan out a method of escape…
---
Intrigue Check: Interrogate the criminal!
DC 100 needed: 79+16+17=112
Success!
Before you actually pack up and leave, Technor takes to interrogating the captured drug dealer. According to his biometric data- which admittedly might be skewed because the guy is obviously high on something right now- he revealed the truth, or most of it. Unfortunately for you there wasn't much to reveal that you didn't already know. High Command was a ruse, of course, but he didn't have a true location on where the bosses of the operation were, or even who they were, aside from an assumed name- 'Hailstorm'. The cartel was still utilizing their tried-and-true method of distribution through highly armored drones which seemed to be getting a huge amount of success thus far. He also eventually provided an overview of how the drugs worked, which should hopefully help along any of your own efforts to re-create the effects via less… objectionable methods. The flight-granting drug was indeed the 'Upper' that had become famous recently, and the lighting blaster was apparently a personal favorite of his called 'Power', which after some needling he admitted was short for 'Ultimate Power'. You suppose if you're a big enough chemistry geek to create super-drugs, you're probably some other kind of geek as well.
Your only problem that remained was actually attempting to drive this accursed car back home. Everything was just similar enough to a normal car to make you think you were in one, and then it threw something bizarre like a holographic display in your face.
When you first punched the accelerator it took the car to eighty miles per hour just to start, as if that was considered a low speed for the contraption. Even more amazingly, when you lost control of it and crashed into a pile of trash, the car proceeded to bounce and skitter across the surface of the pile and the ground below it as though it were a die tossed across a table, turning a surely fatal collision into a somewhat unpleasant experience.
---
'Shiv' Intrigue Check: Figure out how to escape!
DC 100 needed: 83+22+10 (Unlimited Power)=115
'Shiv' waited for hours inside the trunk, getting tossed around like a pinball and nearly getting crushed into paste by those horrid little junk droids until he finally figured upon a decent way to escape. By listening closely to his surroundings until he heard the sounds of civilization again, all it took was a lot of patience until the car pulled up to a red light, at which point he simply popped the trunk and dropped flat on the ground. Due to the absurd length of the limo the drivers never even noticed him, meaning that he was home free!
Shiv decided that after all that, he needed a bit to eat. Out of all the places he could have ended, Shiv quickly learned, much to his rapidly mounting distress, that he had jumped out of the car right in front of the only surviving Bueno Nacho in existence.
---
Quest: One Man's Trash completed!
Knowledge of the Wasteland's real dangers (and some factions) obtained!
Stewardship Action- Diecast Robotics unlocked!
Location of the hidden drug cartel cells discovered! They have used the destruction of High Command to disguise their relocation to the Wasteland, where they are harder to find and almost no one is likely to wander by them! The Wasteland is huge, so it won't be very easy to track them down!
The XT9000 Jet Car has been 'traded' for a Duke of Detroit Limo! DC of Exotic Vehicles Reduced! Janus Lee personal action unlocked!
You have met the Duke of Detroit! He seems very erratic, but also extremely good at presentation! He said some vague stuff about being interested in you in the future!
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Time to rebuild it. We have the technology.
...seriously.
- Location
- Academy City
- Pronouns
- They
Damnit, we were so close. Now, admittedly it would have required a 4 or lower, but still.
Score. Maybe we can put Lovemuffin on exotic vehicles, actually.
- Location
- the Netherworld Dood
Alright Coyote is banned from leading quests.
in fact no toon should be in charge of a quest
in fact no toon should be in charge of a quest
Nix's Warden
Welcome to Hades
- Location
- United States
Oh Man Shego is going to FLIP when she finds out she got duped and now the drug dealers have scurried into the industrial wasteland that covers what? About 8 States?
- Location
- England
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Wait is Mirage second in command?
If Doof goes down (death or just temporarily unable to command) who's in charge? Because Vanessa is in no way ready and Janna hasn't been here long enough.
Goofy wouldn't take the job unless no one else could.
Wile E. or TECHNOR could possibly handle it.
Ooh new chapter.
mangawriter77
Otaku^9000 (In my own opinion)
- Location
- You'll neeever guess
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
What the hell happened to Motor City?
Nonononononononononononononono-!!!!
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
HA! Take that, jackass!!!!
Well, that could've gone better. But, it could've been worse. I suppose.