You take another swig from your bottle, smiling at Homura. Hesitantly, she tucks the now clean shotgun away in her shield and grabs her own bottle, raising it towards you.
With a cheerful laugh, you lean forward to clink your bottle against hers. "A toast?" you prompt.
Homura falls silent, bottle still upraised. It takes her a few moments before she speaks.
"To... friends," she says quietly, giving you a hesitant, uncertain look.
You grin softly at her. Her eyes are wide, almost scared, and well - you can't have that. You can't have her doubting something as simple or fundamental as
this, because you
are her friend, promised to stand alongside and
fight with her, because she
is a good person, and deserves good things.
"To friends, old and new," you say firmly. You tap your bottle against hers, and take a proper swig.
Homura matches you, a hair slower, and your smile widens.
"Is there anything else?" Homura asks.
"A... couple of things," you say. You rub your nose sheepishly - you've done a
lot of talking, haven't you? "But not as many as before."
Homura nods, making a 'go on' sort of gesture in your direction.
"Um. Well, returning to the topic of Sayaka, she said, in as many words, that she trusts you," you say, and smile at Homura. "Sayaka's a different... no. She's the same Miki Sayaka you've always known, but her
opinions, her positions, all that is different, because she has
context. Her, her
fierceness is
supporting us. Supporting
you."
"Yes," she says. "I... I can see that. Thank you."
"And the great thing is? Part of that is that she understands that you must have reasons for keeping the secrets you do, and for doing what you do," you say. "She said that, too - and she understands that she can't share the secrets with people, and especially Madoka. Even if she hadn't
promised, and you know how stubborn she is about
keeping her promises, she knows Madoka, too. She trusts the both of us to know what we're doing."
"That's-" Homura takes another shaky breath, and nods firmly. "That's good."
"It is," you say, matching her nod. "And... Homura, I think this is a good thing, but - I think she has, uh, most of the puzzle pieces to put together the fact that you're a time traveler."
She freezes. She looks
stricken, all but horrified, and-
No, you don't
understand why. But you know it, intellectually.
Because...
Because keeping secrets has become second nature to her. Has become
instinct, graven on her
soul from experience. Because of
pain from undone times taught her that no one would believe her. People would turn against her. Pain and heartbreak and simple trauma, experiences no one should ever have to go through taught her that
secrets were
dangerous, a jagged wall around her heart facing
in.
No one trusted her. No one believed her.
No one but Madoka.
Instinctual, irrational, it doesn't matter. It just
is, a looming spectre of events and trauma stripped from the clock but not her mind, her
heart.
But-
That's not true.
Mami was her teacher, once, who taught her knowing about her magic. Sayaka, a friend.
And it's not true this time.
And as you're about to reach across the table to take her hand, to reassure her that it's
OK, it'll work out- you watch as she tamps down on the fear, her mouth setting firm, her eyes turning to you as she visibly weighs current circumstances against
fear. She takes a slow, shaky breath, steadying herself.
"She..." Homura hesitates, long enough that you worry and reach across the table to lay your hand over hers anyway. It's cold, and shaking just a bit. Too thin, still. She closes her eyes before nodding, and speaking again. "Will she..."
Homura trails off.
Will she understand, will she turn against Homura, will she tell Madoka?
"Actually, I think... I think the fact that she would be figuring it out herself only puts her
more firmly on your side," you say. "Because it's her
own conclusion. And with the framing she has, it only makes you look more like the
hero you are."
It's
your turn to hesitate for a moment.
"Homura, I... get it. I understand why you'd be worried about her knowing," you say. You tap a finger to your temple, then your heart. "I get it, even if I don't
get it. But I think
this, in particular, isn't a bad thing."
Homura takes a shivering breath, one you can feel through her hand, and she nods.
"If anything, I think it'll help. It'll give her even more reason to understand why you don't want to bring Madoka in on this. On
all the decisions we've made so far, even," you say. "And I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't be blindsided by it. That said... what would you prefer me to do if she asks me about it?"
You smile at Homura, squeezing her hand reassuringly before continuing.
"I have ideas of how to handle it if you'd rather I do that," you say. You meet her eyes, trying to impress on her that you're taking this seriously. "I
won't share anything you're not comfortable with telling her. I think it's good that everyone has more correct information, and I think the loop is going well because of that -with Sayaka in particular- but this is
your secret."
"I..." Homura falls silent for a moment. Her gaze goes to the door of Mami's apartment, with Sayaka beyond. You can't guess what she's thinking about, but you let her think, let her take her time and work through this herself. You don't want to push her.
"Tell her to- to talk to me. And. You'll help me? To tell her?" Homura asks.
"Of course, Homura," you say. You beam at her, proud and pleased and
glad, so very glad. Because
Homura being willing to tell
Sayaka is-
You don't even have words to express how big a step this is. Your smile is probably enough to be
blinding at distances best measured in
kilometers.
"OK," Homura says. She looks up at you, meeting your eyes properly, and nods. She looks a little happier, just a little less strained and a little less worn. "I... alright."
"Thank you, Homura," you say. "I know how difficult this must be for you, but... Sayaka is a
friend. She's
your friend, too. And that's why she'll come and
ask us, if she figures it out. She won't go blabbing to people - or to Madoka,
because she knows and trusts that you must have a reason to keep this a secret."
Homura takes another deep breath and straightens, nodding more firmly.
"It makes sense," she says. "And I... trust your evaluation of Miki Sayaka. It matches what I've seen."
You smile at her, and take another drink from your bottle. You let the moment stretch out, looking out at the frozen city and more importantly, letting Homura recenter herself.
"Alright. That's one topic off the list, then..." You look back to Homura. "Well, kind of. The next thing is something Sayaka brought up to me, actually. Did you know about Madoka and the Model UN? Which, incidentally, sounds like it should be the title of a book or a short story."
"Yes," Homura says, frowning slightly. "But the Model UN was before."
"Yeah," you say. "Still, from what Sayaka said, Madoka and Hitomi did
amazing at it. What do you think of asking them for advice on how to deal with Tokyo?
Not to have them go anywhere
near Tokyo or foreign magical girls, just to have them analyze the situation and give suggestions."
The frown deepens.
"I don't want Madoka to-" Homura grimaces. "It... maybe?"
You can't help the surprise that flickers across your face, and you beam at Homura.
"She wants to help," Homura mutters, ducking her head. "But it's dangerous. She doesn't understand, she always throws herself
into it."
"Yeah," you agree. "But this is something that she can
help with without being a magical girl. Better yet, it's something that
she is good at, that none of us are, not even Mami. It'd let her contribute in a meaningful way that doesn't involve directly coming into contact with other magical girls."
"Only analysis?" Homura asks.
"The most I'm thinking about doing is wearing a wire during negotiations," you say. "But I'm not even convinced that's a good idea, if only because the Tokyo girls might notice and question it. If not, maybe I'll write up reports to discuss with her and Hitomi?"
"Nothing dangerous," Homura says. "I don't... I don't want her to, to know how much magical girls..."
"Suffer?" you offer, when Homura doesn't continue. "Yeah, of course. That's part of the reason I'm not sure a live signal is a good idea, though it'd be helpful. Video, maybe."
"Do you mean to bring it up now?" she asks, motioning towards Mami's apartment.
"Maybe?" you say. "Only with your permission, Homura, and I admit I haven't nailed down all the details yet."
Homura nods hesitantly. "It... it should be fine," she says. She looks up to meet your eyes, intent and hard. "Tell me before you show her anything."
"Of course," you say. "None of this happens without your say-so, Homura."
She nods, and settles back in her chair.
You smile again, and drain your bottle. "I've... got a few lower priority things," you say. "None of them are, ah, as high stakes."
"Yes?" Homura asks.
You start ticking questions off your fingers. "Alright. First, Grief Seed things. If you want, I'd be happy to turn
all of your Grief Seeds into Clear Seeds. On that note, out of curiosity - do you have any copies of
Walpurgisnacht's Seed? And actually, what happens when a Grief Seed rehatches, anyway? That's something I'm not sure of, and I'm wondering why people don't farm them."
"I don't have any Grief Seeds from Walpurgisnacht," Homura says, shaking her head and grimacing. "I never found any. Rehatched Witches tend to be stronger. More powerful. The Grief Seeds are less stable, more prone to hatching
again. Clear Seeds... that won't be necessary for now."
"OK," you say, beaming at Homura. "Anytime you want it, then. And speaking of anytime - I'm always,
always willing to answer any questions that you might have. Any of my decisions or... I dunno, if you want my thoughts on anyone or something, if it'd help at all. We're partners, yeah?"
"I will," Homura says. You grin at her reassuringly.
"And the last thing - I'm gonna meet with Hitomi's parents this weekends, about the whole... Hitomom-know-about-magical-girls thing," you say. "Which, by the way, still weirds me out but that's beside the point, which is - do you want me to bring up anything in particular? Or do you want to be there?"
"I would like to be there," Homura says. "I don't know them."
"OK," you say. "I'll ask Hitomi to pass it on, then, but it shouldn't be a problem."
Homura nods again.
"Alright. Then... that's it!" you declare, standing. "Unless there's anything you wanna bring up, Homura?"
"No," Homura says, draining her bottle of Coke and standing. "That's it. Thank you."
You grin at her. "Then let's get back to our friends."
You dismiss the table and chairs, grabbing the empty bottles, and Homura reaches for her shield. One shuddering jolt of the world later, and you soak in the sound and life and
colour of an unfrozen world, the chatter of your friends just audible through the door.
You give Homura another grin as she detransforms. You head in, kicking your shoes off and darting straight for the kitchen, where Mami's fussing with the kettle. You drop the bottles in the general direction of the counter and sweep Mami up into a hug from behind.
"Sabrina!" she squeaks, laughing as you swing her around. "I need to make tea!"
"The tea can wait for a second," you say, tightening your arms and nuzzling closer.
[] During enchantment practice
- [] Practice your own enchantment
-- [] Work on the tracking enchantments
-- [] "Control" enchantments
- [] Suggest something for Sayaka
-- [] Tracking enchantments
-- [] Antimagic enchantments
-- [] Something else?
[] What do you want to talk about?
- [] Madoka, Hitomi, and politics
- [] Oriko's clairvoyance
- [] Something else?
[] Write-in (word count limit: 150 words)
=====
The next update most likely will be (my) Saturday or Sunday at the earliest.
