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Puella Magi Adfligo Systema

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I mean, realistically, taking control of whatever organized crime might exist within Mitakihara would be trivially simple for any of the meguca.

So what we do is we take over the Yakuza and then we adopt Hitomi (in the style of the Yakuza).

Boom, Hitomi's a Yakuza princess. Self-fulfilling prophecies are the best prophecies.
 
Atosen said:
But forget Sayaka for a minute. There's more important stuff to worry about.

How are we gunna fix Mami's table?! :o
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Scoop all the glass into a grief holder. Slag the glass. Match the grief holder to the shape of the table. Un-slag the glass. "Weld" the final shape with magic.

... Process not for indoor use without well thought-out precautions.

SpeckofStardust said:
I think Sayaka is asking why Hitomi is calm about the person breaking her arm.
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I considered that reading an discarded it. The subsequent reaction from the others doesn't make sense in that reading.
 
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Kaizuki said:
Can you check the text that was in my vote? I think it actually flowed fairly well.
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Kaizuki said:
[X] "Your other question. I'm calm now. Sayaka, that night, very shortly after we made sure you were safe, Mami, Homura and I entered a time stop. We were angry, we were upset, we were scared, and we were not calm. We went out looking for Oriko. We went through her house. We more or less spent an entire day in the time you were in the ambulance. Homura found them, and things ended with them maimed, broken, and contained. And you were okay. Your parents were okay. And you're going to stay okay, because you're our friend and we care about you."
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It does. I've just done... actually probably quite a bit of public speaking, relatively. "Entered a time stop" and "more or less spent an entire day in the time you were in the ambulance" could both be improved, and "We went through her house." is a bit too short and sharp and interrupts things, but those are pretty minor. The structure on "Things ended with them" is a bit wonky, but it's very good at keeping the statement sterile and clinical.

[] "Your other question. I'm calm now. Sayaka, Homura's power is to stop time. That night, after we made sure you were safe, Mami, Homura, and I ran her power continuously for 16 hours. We were angry, we were upset, we were scared, and we were not calm. While you were in the ambulance, we were hunting. We searched her house and combed the city. Homura found them, and by the time we were done they were maimed, broken, and contained. And you were okay. Your parents were okay. And you're going to stay okay, because you're our friend and we care about you."


Redshirt Army said:
That's... a totally valid reading of the text I hadn't considered. Guys, opinions?
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I could read it that way too.

@Firnagzen: Who was Sayaka looking at when she said that?
 
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Also, speaking of body language, I don't think that the telepathy at the front works. It'll take five or six seconds during which Sayaka will be building anger or take the opportunity to continue our diatribe. We need to either switch the method or find something to do while we're telepathying.

[] Disapprove at Sayaka.
[] Take the moment to warn Mami off telepathically.
[] Deliver speech.


[] Hold out a hand to stop Mami.
[] Deliver speech.
 
"Uh, I'm sorry about the table..."

"No," you say, "that's... Hrm. Okay, Mami, tell me this won't burn down the apartment: I'll gather all the glass up into a container made of solid grief, place a secondary shell around that altered to not conduct heat, liquefy the glass with a scaled-down Luce Eterna, compress the container into a mold of the tabletop, alter the interior shell into a heatsink, wait for the glass to cool down, and then take the inner shell and move it outside encased in the secondary shell."

Mami frowns for a moment and taps a finger to her chin. "How will you tell when the glass is cooled down, though?"

You... Hadn't considered that. Uh...

"Ah," Mami cuts in, her face lighting up, "Can you turn the outer shell transparent? Then we could just put a thermometer in next to the glass."

Mami, always on the ball. You smile and nod. "Yes, that'll work."

A choking noise to your side draws your attention. Hitomi is standing there, wide-eyed. She takes a moment to compose herself and then, as she opens her mouth to speak, you suddenly understand what's about to happen and your inner thread dissolves into chaos as your constituents panic and begin to debate shoving a gag into the green-haired girl's mouth.

However, the debate is still raging when the words are spoken. "She broke your table and you didn't even... Just how close are you two? And you're living together, right?"

Klaxons and fire alarms blare to a crescendo as you desperately try to salvage your position, but the best you can come up with is "Well, we're very close..."

Of course, you're blushing as you say it. And Mami is looking at you and you can just tell the moment she sees you blushing, because she promptly turns into a tomato.

And, of course, Hitomi's eyes go wide as dinner plates as she rushes from the room, chanting her mantra of "Girls can't love girls! Girls can't love girls!"

And really, that might've been nothing in the end. The two of you might have just sat there blushing the color of fire engines and then gone on like it'd never happened, although it probably would have hurt Mami to do so.

But Sayaka was still in the room. "So have you kissed before?"
 
Vebyast said:
It does. I've just done... actually probably quite a bit of public speaking, relatively. "Entered a time stop" and "more or less spent an entire day in the time you were in the ambulance" could both be improved, and "We went through her house." is a bit too short and sharp and interrupts things, but those are pretty minor. The structure on "Things ended with them" is a bit wonky, but it's very good at keeping the statement sterile and clinical.

[] "Your other question. I'm calm now. Sayaka, Homura's power is to stop time. That night, after we made sure you were safe, Mami, Homura, and I ran her power continuously for 16 hours. We were angry, we were upset, we were scared, and we were not calm. While you were in the ambulance, we were hunting. We searched her house and combed the city. Homura found them, and by the time we were done they were maimed, broken, and contained. And you were okay. Your parents were okay. And you're going to stay okay, because you're our friend and we care about you."



I could read it that way too.

@Firnagzen: Who was Sayaka looking at when she said that?
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So, I considered that reading this morning, and what i decided was that it didn't jibe with the line that followed.

Firnagzen said:
I-" Sayaka scowls, furious. "How can you take it so calmly? She-"

"Sit down, Sayaka," Hitomi snaps, voice cracking like a whip. "Hear Sabrina out."
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I can see now where the alternate reading might incorporate that line, but even so, the second factor that convinced me of the original reading stands: I feel that Sayaka's response to the house line is disproportionate if Sayaka isn't already upset with us.
 
SpeckofStardust said:
In which case its a rhetorical question that we don't need to answer.
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I'd be all for axing the "calm" part of the vote.

Vebyast said:
I don't think that the telepathy at the front works.
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[ ] Telepathy Mami: 'I got this.'
[ ] "What would've you done, Sayaka?"
-[ ] Be remorseful about keeping this secret from her. You were scared. Your own anger at Oriko pales besides what Sayaka must've been feeling, and you were afraid of what Sayaka might've done when she found out.
--[ ] Afraid she might have made a Wish for revenge, or that she might've confronted Oriko directly, alone. There were so many ways things could've end up worse than they are, and the situation was pacified, you didn't want to mess up.
-[ ] You are sorry for not telling her earlier, you probably didn't have a right to make that call for her. You can only hope Sayaka forgives you, in time.
 
Vebyast said:
Also, speaking of body language, I don't think that the telepathy at the front works. It'll take five or six seconds during which Sayaka will be building anger or take the opportunity to continue our diatribe. We need to either switch the method or find something to do while we're telepathying.

[] Disapprove at Sayaka.
[] Take the moment to warn Mami off telepathically.
[] Deliver speech.


[] Hold out a hand to stop Mami.
[] Deliver speech.
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I believe telepathy and speech can be conducted simultaneously.

... Does Sayaka really not know that Homura has timestop? It just... Boggles my mind that she doesn't.

I don't know that... Actually "we were done" is probably fine, or even good. It gives more of a sense that we did this. Which... Which is actually what we're trying to convey. Vote it, Earth-kun!

Onmur said:
I'd be all for axing the "calm" part of the vote.



[ ] Telepathy Mami: 'I got this.'
[ ] "What would've you done, Sayaka?"
-[ ] Be remorseful about keeping this secret from her. You were scared. Your own anger at Oriko pales besides what Sayaka must've been feeling, and you were afraid of what Sayaka might've done when she found out.
--[ ] Afraid she might have made a Wish for revenge, or that she might've confronted Oriko directly, alone. There were so many ways things could've end up worse than they are, and the situation was pacified, you didn't want to mess up.
-[ ] You are sorry for not telling her earlier, you probably didn't have a right to make that call for her. You can only hope Sayaka forgives you, in time.
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This is a workable alternative. But I rather disagree with your fourth line, which is quite ridiculous. By the time she might've wished, Oriko and Kirika were in the can, and we would've told her that. Fearing a revenge-wish would've been unreasonable.

Addresing the calm bit is useful, not required. The things we are conveying to her in that statement are helpful to our position.
 
Onmur said:
Sayaka's been stewing on shadowy arsonist figures for a around a week. I expect she's had quite a few thoughts of revenge in that time. Even if she knows it isn't right, she should react if we point it out.
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You're not wrong, you're just pursuing this in a really terrible way. We don't need to lie more.
 
Redshirt Army said:
Hmm. I'll be busy tommorow, and Vebyast seems to have a decent handle on fixing up the minutae - I agree with the issues he's pointed out with the current vote.

Thus, delegating vote:

[x] Vebyast
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...bwah?

Okay. Uhhhh. Which tweaks do I take...

Kaizuki said:
I don't know that... Actually "we were done" is probably fine, or even good. It gives more of a sense that we did this. Which... Which is actually what we're trying to convey.
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Split it? One "we won", one "they lost".

Ehhh, not happy with that part, will continue trying to find something good. I think we probably need to ditch the passive voice entirely for that bit.

edit: If we want to make it we did this, we definitely do want the active voice, and will need to accept the increased implication of brutality:

"Homura found them, we fought them, and we won. When we were done, they were maimed, broken, and - most importantly - contained."
Onmur said:
[ ] Telepathy Mami: 'I got this.'
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That works. Yoink.

[x] Telepathy Mami: 'I got this.'

[x] "I'm telling you now. I should have told you sooner, and I apologize for not doing so. Things kept coming up, but... I won't make excuses."
[X] "Your other question. I'm calm now. Sayaka, Homura's power is to stop time. That night, after we made sure you were safe, Mami, Homura and I ran her power continuously for 16 hours. We were angry, we were upset, we were scared, and we were not calm. While you were in the ambulance, we were hunting for Oriko. We searched her house and combed the city. Homura found them, we fought them and beat them, and they ended up maimed, broken, and contained.

[x] When she demands to know why we didn't tell her sooner: Cut to voting.
 
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[X] Vebyast

I was actually saying that I was fine with what you had, nyah!

I don't like the "I got this" compared to previous state the line was in. Telepathy and conversation are simultaneous is my understanding.
 
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Huh. For a bit there, Redshirt was voting for Vebyast, Vebyast was voting for me, and I was voting for Redshirt. Would that crash the vote tally?
 
Kaizuki said:
I was actually saying that I was fine with what you had, nyah!
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Oh, whoops!

[x] Telepathy Mami: 'I'll handle this.'

[x] "I'm telling you now. I should have told you sooner, and I apologize for not doing so. Things kept coming up, but... I won't make excuses."
[x] "Your other question. I'm calm now. Sayaka, Homura's power is to stop time. That night, after we made sure you were safe, Mami, Homura, and I ran her power continuously for 16 hours. We were angry, we were upset, we were scared, and we were not calm. While you were in the ambulance, we were hunting. We searched her house and combed the city. Homura found them, and by the time we were done they were maimed, broken, and contained."

[x] When she demands to know why we didn't tell her sooner: Cut to voting.

Kaizuki said:
Huh. For a bit there, Redshirt was voting for Vebyast, Vebyast was voting for me, and I was voting for Redshirt. Would that crash the vote tally?
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Hah. Nah, the last proxy posted just fails to be rewritten and the system stabilizes with everybody voting for "[ ] Vebyast".
 
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Redshirt Army said:
That's... a totally valid reading of the text I hadn't considered. Guys, opinions?
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That was my reading as well. I assumed everyone was reacting to it because it still applies to us, even if it wasn't directed at us.

Anyway, I agree that we should try to be as honest as possible with Sayaka and I agree that that means not suggesting that the primary reason for avoiding telling Sayaka was to avoid her contacting, because it wasn't. It was because we were afraid she'd categorise Oriko as an enemy she had to punish, which would make our attempts to keep both parties alive and cooperative with us very difficult. So let's not pretend it was primarily something else.
 
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