We'll, I can definitely see the way the wind is blowing. Oh, I'm not going to change my vote... but I'm not going to complain over losing the vote either.
With that said, what with all the bonuses we may or may not have going into this diplomacy, it's probably not as much of a gamble as I originally thought.
Still it's no sure thing, and... hold on, that give me an idea. I'll be right back.
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Okay, here's a short omake for you, a sort of crack view at this upcoming diplomacy where you can't lose for winning.
Speechcraft: Critical Success
Kakara was stunned, almost unbelieving of what happened. It had all happened so fast: one of the more hot-headed scouts had charged at her and she had instinctively flared her ki to protect herself. And then somehow, the scout had bounced off of her and slammed into the ground, breaking his neck and dying instantly.
How did that even happen?
Of course, she wasn't the only one flabbergasted. The rest of the scouts were also just as shocked at what had happened.
The scouts' leader was the first to speak. "Did... did you just kill that man?"
Well crapbaskets. They had her dead to rights on this one. Welp, only one thing left to do: lie her butt off.
"Umm... no?"
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
The scout leader relaxed.
"Oh, how silly of me. Of course you didn't." The leader peered at her intently. "Did you see who did?"
Crapbaskets. She was horrible at thinking up lies. Still, she had already started this, she had to keep going.
"It was... some big freakin' brontosaurus."
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
The leader nodded, completely serious, and turned to the rest of the scouts. "Alright men..."
"And women!" Interjected one of the scouts.
"Yes," agreed the leader, "men AND women..."
"And robots!" Yelled another scout.
"Yes, men, women and robots..."
"And amorphous blobs!"
"And sentient hiveminds!"
"And namekians!"
"I thought we didn't have any namekians in this battalion."
"We don't, but of we did I wouldn't want them to feel left out."
"Enough," screamed the leader, clearly at the end of his patience. "Alright MAGGOTS, split up and start searching for the brontosaurus!"
"But sir," asked one of the smaller and weaker scouts as the others flew off, "what if there is no..."
"Shut up recruit!" Yelled the leader. "That sauropod killed your treasured teammate. Are you going to let it get away with that? Well are you?"
"But sir..."
"I said Are You, maggot?"
"No sir." Replied the scout petulantly, flying off.
Once the only scout left was the leader, he turned back to Kakara. "Terribly sorry about that, you know how these things go. Now, if you don't mind me asking, who are you?"
Kakara paused, then continued on with her lies full steam ahead. "I'm the empress of the chimpanzees."
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
"Oh, I'm sorry your majesty," replied the scout leader, "I'm afraid I didn't recognize you. I must be distraught after seeing one of my soldiers die."
Heck, if they were going to keep buying such obvious lies, she might as well keep going. "Oh, he's not dead, he's just sleeping."
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
The scout nodded sagely. "Ah yes, getting sideswiped by a rampaging brontosaurus always makes me feel a mite drowsy as well. Better go wake him up."
It took Kakara all of her willpower not to burst out laughing. This was absolutely ridiculous. Still, she wasn't going to complain if the scout leader kept buying her lies.
"Oh my god, he's dead!" Shouted the leader. "Who did this?"
"You did." Kakara quickly shot back.
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
"Oh my god, I killed this man! Nooooo..."
"Yep, with a feather duster."
"A what?"
"A feather duster."
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
"Oh my god, I beat this man to death with a feather duster!"
"Yep, it's all your fault Greg."
"Wait, my name isn't Greg."
"Yeah it is."
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
"Oh my god, my name is Greg!"
Kakara nodded sagely. "Well Greg, I better let you get going. I'm sure you're pretty busy, what with grieving over killing your treasured teammate and looking for the rampaging dinosaur."
"Yeah, I'd better get going, I..."
[Scout leader perception roll: 2 vs DC 1]
"Wait a minute... chimpanzees don't have an empire, they live in an isolationist, xenophobic constitutional monarchy. You're lying to me!"
Kakara stared at him incredulously. "Seriously? We go through all that, and THAT'S what tips you off?"
"I'll kill you! The leader screamed at her, and then charged.
Anticipating his attack, Kakara flared her ki to protect herself…
And the scout leader bounced off of her and slammed into the ground, breaking his neck and dying instantly.
Suddenly, another of the scouts returned. "Sir, I have to report that we have seen no sign of the brontosaur…"
The scout paused, looking down to see the scout leader laying dead on the ground.
"Oh my god, Scout Leader Greg is dead!" The scout turned, staring accusingly at Kakara. "Did you kill him?"
"Umm… no?"
[Speechcraft roll: Critical Success]
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Why yes, I did steal most of that from much better comedians, why do you ask?
