Interlude: Cowabunga It Is
- Location
- Pennsylvania
Tobe had traveled to New York City with a purpose. Sensei Doofenshmirtz had tasked him with their most difficult mission yet- to establish a working network within the city and extract information right under Xanatos' nose! After a brief flight and a very pleasant dinner at a nearby pizza place, his Vagabonds had gathered in their hotel room to discuss mission details.
"Vagabonds! Today we undertake an important mission, one that will push our capabilities to their limits! Today… we are going to infiltrate the dark heart of this city and steal its secrets away!"
Jing-Jing and Binggure exchanged a look. Sensei Doofenshmirtz had tasked them with setting up an intelligence network in New York City, and their first impressions… weren't really that great. Sure, they had done some recon work in the past, and most of it had actually been successful! But it seemed like everyone they had talked to over here was already on the take.
Most of the costumed heroes or villains had absconded before they could talk, and the Iron Gargoyles weren't nearly as conversational as Normbots were. That nice man at the pizza shop was clearly working for the mob, and the grouchy guy with the hot dog cart was probably working for the other mob. In fact, it took three days and ten different pizza shops to find someone who wasn't working for the mob. It was well worth the wait though, because the 'El Gato Italiano' and its unusual employees had been the highlight of the ninja's trip so far.
"Uh… boss, we've been at this for three days. Don't you think it's time to call it quits?"
"Of course not! We were given a mission, and we're not leaving until we carry it to its illogical conclusion! Now, our attempts to infiltrate the underground may have been less than successful-" All four ninja shuddered as memories of dodging laser blasts ran through their heads. "-but that's just because we weren't being literal enough!"
"...come again?" Jumong asked.
"Normally, 'underground' would refer to the network of illegal criminal contacts in an area… except this is exactly what our foes were expecting! Of course whoever's in charge would've secured his control over the mob! What we really should've been working on is infiltrating the subway system!"
"Uhh, sweetie?" Jing-Jing asked gently. "Are you sure that's our best option here?"
"Of course it is! The NYC subway system has a long and storied history." Tobe said, reciting what he had read on a pamphlet earlier that day. "It first began way back in 1904, and it has over 240 miles of routes! If there's anything hidden away in this city, it's going to be down there."
The Vagabonds had to admit that it was a surprisingly cogent argument. Well, Jing-Jing had to admit it. The other two did not know the word. They had heard tell from the witch-girl about the secret society in the middle of the city last Halloween, so surely that was as good a place to start as any, right?
"Perfect!" Tobe declared upon seeing the lack of confusion on his lackeys' faces. "We begin at dawn."
---
"No, no, no- look here! We're on Broadway and we need to be on Crosstown!"
"I thought we crossed Crosstown three hours ago!"
Tobe sighed. Trekking through the tunnels was supposed to be an exciting infiltration mission, not a boring slog in the dark! He had expected to dodge lasers, hide from cameras, and fight off sewer rats the size of garbage cans! Instead, all that happened was keeping to the maintenance walkways, avoiding incoming subway trains, and getting hopelessly lost.
"We've been at this for hours."
"Most of our interchangeable ninja mooks got left at the last station!"
"Guys, guys, don't worry! We have ninja magic!" Tobe sat down, cross-legged, on the damp floor. "Now I know that I still need a bit of practice with this, buuuuut… whooooooah. I'm still not used to the 'seeing eternity' thing."
"How do we get out of here?"
"No no no, that's exactly what we're not supposed to do! I just used my mystical danger sense to see if we're in danger, and aside from the subway cars, the only thing that presents a threat to us is…" Tobe pointed dramatically at the wall. "A mile or so in that direction!"
"And you want us to go towards the danger?"
"Yes! That's what we're down here for, isn't it? Even if we can't infiltrate successfully, we could earn a bounty on whatever horrible creatures wait down here to feast on tourists!"
"Tobe, we're tourists."
"Irrelevant!" came the response filled with confidence that was not entirely earned. "If we're incapable of handling a little danger, then what are we here for?"
"Because Sensei really likes sending us to poke random things and see what happens?"
"Never mind that! Onward!"
---
After another eternity of crawling through damp tunnels and squeezing into disused maintenance corridors, things were finally starting to look up! All of their searching led them right into the very heart of what Tobe had said was the most dangerous place in the area- some sort of long-abandoned laboratory complex built far below the earth.
At least, that's what Tobe told his Vagabonds. It sounded a lot more dramatic than the truth. Gen-U-Tech's mothballed labs hadn't seen use in months, but they were far from abandoned. The power was still on!
As Tobe measured how much he was exaggerating the level of danger they were stumbling into, something leathery brushed past his ear.
"Jing-Jing? You think that maybe this isn't the best time-" Whatever Tobe was about to say was cut short as a hideous, slavering creature dropped from the ceiling!
"AAAAAAAAAAAH"! The Vagabonds screamed as one. Tobe's heart raced as he ducked below the creature's claws, which raked through the stone behind him. The sewer mutant- because that's what it had to be- was a head or two taller than him, broadly built with fleshy protrusions that looked like wings in the dim light. Its eyes were blood red, the tufts of hair on its head white, and its skin coal black.
"Sewer mutant!" Binggure confirmed. "We've tried to fight Genghis Khan before, and sometimes we didn't even get all of our limbs broken! This thing is nothing compared to that!"
Months of training under someone who actually knew what they were doing had done wonders. Tobe felt something resembling pride as Binggure and Jumong moved as one to deliver simultaneous kicks to the creature's legs, dropping the hideous mutant on the ground.
"Woooow. Hooo. Okay. So! Mutants are real! Now, all we need to do is find the scientist responsible for the things, or the Mutant King, and- NOT NOW!" Tobe bellowed as another one of the things decided to try its luck.
The next hour and a half had made the previous six-hour trek seem like a peaceful vacation. As the Vagabonds slowly progressed into the depths of the Gen-U-Tec Auxiliary Lab, they were beset upon by mutants from all sides. At first, it was fun! A great way to test their might and do exactly what their sensei had told them to do. After the twelfth mutant things started to become boring. Sure, the things looked scary, but they didn't have any actual fighting skill. By the twentieth mutant, Tobe had had just about enough.
"Why are there so many of these things?!" Jing-Jing shrieked as she drove a knee into a mutant's abdomen. "Whoever's been making them is doing a really bad job of keeping them under wraps!"
"And why are they all so boring to fight?" Tobe demanded. "I've been working on a secret technique for the last two days and I haven't had the chance to try it out!"
"Boss… you know, you can just do it whenever, right?"
"But that's so boring. I need to use it on a worthy opponent!"
As if in answer to Tobe's unasked question, a nearby door snapped open, flooding the area with light. A muscular man-panther-bat-thing stood in the door frame, its hands crackling with electricity.
"Found you," the mutant growled.
In an instant, Tobe's excitement had returned. It was still a little hard to believe that ninja magic was real, and Tobe had been training in it for the past few months! It was all he could do to keep himself from cackling as he crawled up the wall and prepared a secret attack. The mutant wouldn't even know what hit him!
Light bloomed between his fingers as he leapt, preparing to strike at the thing's heart! "TsukuyaaaAAAAAAAGH!" Electricity crackled over Tobe's body, flinging him into a wall in a smoking heap.
Silently, Jumong, Jing-Jing, and Binggure turned to see the perpetrator.
"I didn't mean to do that," he said apologetically.
Tobe groaned. The red-eyed creatures were gathering in larger numbers, looming in as if they smelled blood.
"Quick, get your friend out of here!" the panther-man demanded. "They've gone feral and attack anything that moves! We need to--!"
"How dare you attack our fearless leader like that!" Jumong exaggerated for the sake of drama. "Striking from behind is one thing, but interrupting an attack name?! That's a low blow!"
"It was an accid- ow! That hurt!" the man-panther swatted away several kunai tossed in his direction, but he wasn't fast enough to avoid the bolas lobbed at his head! "We're on the same side, we don't have to- AGH!"
"Panther Destruction Wave!" Jing-Jing declared, deciding her attack name on the spot. A beam of bright blue energy washed over the other sewer mutant and melted a huge chunk of the wall behind him.
She was declaring mutant season!
---
Entering the fight, Talon had absolutely no idea what was going on, and he had no patience to find out the nice way.
When the more benign inhabitants of the New York subway system gave him the tipoff of some strange customers fighting in the sewers, he knew enough was enough. Ever since the fiasco back in December, more and more outsiders had been poking their noses into the last refuge of the city's homeless and outcast: The Labyrinth. Their more human members could handle a misguided tourist or two without a confrontation, but there were more than a few zealots trying to flush out the "monsters" by force. As the leader of mutates, the lunatics that didn't care to see the difference between the predators and those trying to get by were Talon's problem to deal with.
Recently, their hardships have only gotten worse. Having nowhere else to go, dozens of gargoyle clones that survived Demona's terror attack made their way down to the sewers. Talon suspected Xanatos had something to do with it, though he couldn't confirm the man who helped turn them into monsters had a hand in corralling the clones underground. Vat-grown to take orders and given little room to be anything but a soldier from birth, many had degenerated to feral states without Demona around to guide them. Lexington was sure that their minds developed properly during gestation, but they were taught only to hate, fight, and kill. It was proving… difficult… to show them another way.
Still, the clones never asked to be made and abandoned. The mutates knew that story all too well, and it would have been cruel to turn the ones in need away. Some were able to find new lives and peace in the depths of the Labyrinth, but if he had to intervene to stop others from mauling innocent people, then so be it. As Talon knew there were rogue gargoyle packs in these tunnels and that he would be the one taking them down, he failed to anticipate one of their victims attacking him instead.
The blast of lighting was pure instinct, honed from years of practice and donated to the first batch of mutates from electric eels. Only after the all-too-human yelp rang out did he realize his mistake. A hasty apology and an attempt to explain the situation got him nothing but several sharp objects thrown in his direction. When that was followed up by an energy attack that left him bruised and battered, he knew he had to take off the kid's gloves.
The mutant pulled himself out of the rubble, groaning. His hand-paws began to crackle with electricity once again.
"So this is how you hunters want to play, huh? If you're not willing to see reason… then I have no choice!"
The invaders had some powers and tricks up their sleeves, but Talon was no slouch in a fight. He fired off lightning bolts and used flight to maintain distance until he was ready to pounce. The gargoyles ran off by this point, leaving only him and them.
"NINJAS- ATTACK!" the leader screamed, right before passing out. Blue energy started to crackle around his hands.
Were they superheroes? Supervillains? Talon would've loved to sit down and talk through this misunderstanding, but the female ninja was out for blood. She screamed that ridiculously-named attack yet again as he dropped to the floor, feeling the heat pass over his back as the wave demolished part of a wall.
Talon retaliated with an electrically-charged kick, sweeping his leg out to knock the ninja off of her feet. She was a lot more agile than the average thug he was used to tangling with, managing to not only dodge, but balance on his leg long enough to kick Talon in the face.
His short-lived stint as a bodyguard rarely had him up against any opponents who could really fight back, and in the years he had taken to guarding the Labyrinth, the number of foes who presented a challenge were few and far between.
That just meant he had to start fighting dirty.
He grabbed one of the abandoned tables and swung it like a baseball bat, knocking the weird clown ninja out of a dropkick. He was taken completely off guard and tumbled through the air, crashing through a window and the multitude of filing cabinets behind it.
Two down, two to go.
As Talon's stance shifted and he launched several lightning bolts at the ninja, he didn't see the multiple pairs of red eyes that were gathering in the distance.
---
"Hold it!"
A bright spotlight appeared in the middle of the abandoned lab! At the center of the room were a trio of short, humanoid cats in cybernetic armor! The light stunned the feral gargoyle clones, interrupting their sneak attack on the weakened heroes!
"We know this sort of meet-and-greet is a superhero tradition!" the tall one in purple armor bearing a saber said.
"So that's why we're calling for a change of script!" the robotic cat woman with black and pink armor complemented by a whip continued.
The last member, a short cat in a yellow armored baseball uniform, took out his twin revolvers and spun them both at the same time for dramatic effect!
"How's about we cut to the good part, and do a temporary team-up to beat up these banditos before they gang up on you first?"
Talon and the ninjas looked around. They were surrounded, and beating on each other more wasn't going to change that fact.
"What are you, super cats?" Bingurre asked in sheer confusion.
"Nope!" They shouted as a group. "We're the New York Pizza Cats!"
"What, ya need us to start the team-up?" the yellow one asked in a sarcastic drawl. "Pizza Cats, let's set an example!"
Not waiting for a definitive answer, the New York Pizza Cats jumped into the fray with elegant fencing, wild lashes, and suppressive fire! It didn't take much convincing afterwards to follow their cue, the battle swiftly coming to an end after everyone banded together and pushed back against the tide of clones. They were driven away, back into the darkness of the sewer tunnels.
"We did it," Jing-Jing said with restrained cheer. There were affirmations from the others with the same amount of excitement. After gauntlet after gauntlet of fighting, the ninjas were ready to pass out from exhaustion.
"That was too close," Talon replied. He too was panting, taxed past his limit in spite of his enhanced stamina.
"Is no one else going to question this?" Jumong asked.
"Jumong, don't be rude!" Jing-Jing replied.
"You should know by now we take these things in stride."
There was a cough from Tobe on the ground.
"Tobe!"
"It takes more than being electrocuted to keep down my fighting spirit!" Tobe said. He then bowed respectfully to the Pizza Cats. "I thank you for bringing our disparate groups together!"
"Together?" the purple one asked.
"Yes. The ninjas and the cat people." Talon gave Tobe a look. "Is that not why you were sent here? To spread a message of peace and unity?"
The baseball ninja pizza cat shook his head and handed Tobe a bill.
"Actually, you tried to dine and dash. Does El Gato Italiano ring a bell?"
"You followed us underground for weeks?" Bingurre asked. "For a bill?"
"It's only been an hour tops," Jing-Jing replied. "Tobe, did you bring your DoofCard?"
"Never leave home without it!" Tobe replied. He then pulled out a black credit card that, as it was melted by an electric blast, broke up into smoldering chunks of plastic when he tried to run it through their card reader.
The pizza cats looked at the ninjas expectantly. The ninjas looked at Talon in turn.
"Oh no. Noooooo. You're not getting money off of me!"
"But you did electrocute our leader out of nowhere!" Binggure tried to make puppy dog eyes, but the effect was greatly diminished by the clown makeup.
Talon sighed deeply. "Fine. How much do I owe you?"
The female pizza cat in black and pink whispered the amount to him. He didn't look happy with the number.
"I'll cover it this time, but don't come back to the Labyrinth. Ever."
Tobe was satisfied with that. They shook hands with Talon and the Pizza Cats before departing from the New York sewer maze. After paying for a delivery fee for directions, of course.
"At least that's the last we'll see of cats with superpowers. Now home to Doofania!"
---
Miles away, David Xanatos took a sip from his coffee as he watched a strange scene unfold on the computer monitor. Apparently, Dr. Doofenshmirtz had seen fit to send 'infiltrators' into 'his' city and try to set up an intelligence network therein. All in all, a bold effort, even if he did see it coming from a mile away.
Honestly, it was a touch passe. Perhaps it was a bit churlish, but after Doofenshmirtz had actually managed to get under his skin once or twice, he expected a higher standard. He might not be able to predict the exact form of chaos the Doctor's minions would find themself creating but chaos, when you got right down to it, could be rather predictable. Not to mention entertaining.
Xanatos allowed himself a smirk as he examined the pitched battle going on beneath his city. Having to be bailed out of a fight by some of the most obscure vigilantes in the five boroughs was certainly one of the more amusing outcomes he could've predicted. It was technically not a good use of his time to be watching this fight personally. But Xanatos understood the necessity of relaxation time.
---
Tobe and his Vagabonds have failed to infiltrate New York! The two months they were there were a massive waste of time!
The DC for infiltrating New York has increased.
You met a Pizza Cats franchise? What is with you and cats?
---
You look over the small mountain of bills sitting on your desk.
"There's a story behind whoever bought this much pizza. It better be a complicated evil plan of some sort, or I will be very upset."
"Vagabonds! Today we undertake an important mission, one that will push our capabilities to their limits! Today… we are going to infiltrate the dark heart of this city and steal its secrets away!"
Jing-Jing and Binggure exchanged a look. Sensei Doofenshmirtz had tasked them with setting up an intelligence network in New York City, and their first impressions… weren't really that great. Sure, they had done some recon work in the past, and most of it had actually been successful! But it seemed like everyone they had talked to over here was already on the take.
Most of the costumed heroes or villains had absconded before they could talk, and the Iron Gargoyles weren't nearly as conversational as Normbots were. That nice man at the pizza shop was clearly working for the mob, and the grouchy guy with the hot dog cart was probably working for the other mob. In fact, it took three days and ten different pizza shops to find someone who wasn't working for the mob. It was well worth the wait though, because the 'El Gato Italiano' and its unusual employees had been the highlight of the ninja's trip so far.
"Uh… boss, we've been at this for three days. Don't you think it's time to call it quits?"
"Of course not! We were given a mission, and we're not leaving until we carry it to its illogical conclusion! Now, our attempts to infiltrate the underground may have been less than successful-" All four ninja shuddered as memories of dodging laser blasts ran through their heads. "-but that's just because we weren't being literal enough!"
"...come again?" Jumong asked.
"Normally, 'underground' would refer to the network of illegal criminal contacts in an area… except this is exactly what our foes were expecting! Of course whoever's in charge would've secured his control over the mob! What we really should've been working on is infiltrating the subway system!"
"Uhh, sweetie?" Jing-Jing asked gently. "Are you sure that's our best option here?"
"Of course it is! The NYC subway system has a long and storied history." Tobe said, reciting what he had read on a pamphlet earlier that day. "It first began way back in 1904, and it has over 240 miles of routes! If there's anything hidden away in this city, it's going to be down there."
The Vagabonds had to admit that it was a surprisingly cogent argument. Well, Jing-Jing had to admit it. The other two did not know the word. They had heard tell from the witch-girl about the secret society in the middle of the city last Halloween, so surely that was as good a place to start as any, right?
"Perfect!" Tobe declared upon seeing the lack of confusion on his lackeys' faces. "We begin at dawn."
---
"No, no, no- look here! We're on Broadway and we need to be on Crosstown!"
"I thought we crossed Crosstown three hours ago!"
Tobe sighed. Trekking through the tunnels was supposed to be an exciting infiltration mission, not a boring slog in the dark! He had expected to dodge lasers, hide from cameras, and fight off sewer rats the size of garbage cans! Instead, all that happened was keeping to the maintenance walkways, avoiding incoming subway trains, and getting hopelessly lost.
"We've been at this for hours."
"Most of our interchangeable ninja mooks got left at the last station!"
"Guys, guys, don't worry! We have ninja magic!" Tobe sat down, cross-legged, on the damp floor. "Now I know that I still need a bit of practice with this, buuuuut… whooooooah. I'm still not used to the 'seeing eternity' thing."
"How do we get out of here?"
"No no no, that's exactly what we're not supposed to do! I just used my mystical danger sense to see if we're in danger, and aside from the subway cars, the only thing that presents a threat to us is…" Tobe pointed dramatically at the wall. "A mile or so in that direction!"
"And you want us to go towards the danger?"
"Yes! That's what we're down here for, isn't it? Even if we can't infiltrate successfully, we could earn a bounty on whatever horrible creatures wait down here to feast on tourists!"
"Tobe, we're tourists."
"Irrelevant!" came the response filled with confidence that was not entirely earned. "If we're incapable of handling a little danger, then what are we here for?"
"Because Sensei really likes sending us to poke random things and see what happens?"
"Never mind that! Onward!"
---
After another eternity of crawling through damp tunnels and squeezing into disused maintenance corridors, things were finally starting to look up! All of their searching led them right into the very heart of what Tobe had said was the most dangerous place in the area- some sort of long-abandoned laboratory complex built far below the earth.
At least, that's what Tobe told his Vagabonds. It sounded a lot more dramatic than the truth. Gen-U-Tech's mothballed labs hadn't seen use in months, but they were far from abandoned. The power was still on!
As Tobe measured how much he was exaggerating the level of danger they were stumbling into, something leathery brushed past his ear.
"Jing-Jing? You think that maybe this isn't the best time-" Whatever Tobe was about to say was cut short as a hideous, slavering creature dropped from the ceiling!
"AAAAAAAAAAAH"! The Vagabonds screamed as one. Tobe's heart raced as he ducked below the creature's claws, which raked through the stone behind him. The sewer mutant- because that's what it had to be- was a head or two taller than him, broadly built with fleshy protrusions that looked like wings in the dim light. Its eyes were blood red, the tufts of hair on its head white, and its skin coal black.
"Sewer mutant!" Binggure confirmed. "We've tried to fight Genghis Khan before, and sometimes we didn't even get all of our limbs broken! This thing is nothing compared to that!"
Months of training under someone who actually knew what they were doing had done wonders. Tobe felt something resembling pride as Binggure and Jumong moved as one to deliver simultaneous kicks to the creature's legs, dropping the hideous mutant on the ground.
"Woooow. Hooo. Okay. So! Mutants are real! Now, all we need to do is find the scientist responsible for the things, or the Mutant King, and- NOT NOW!" Tobe bellowed as another one of the things decided to try its luck.
The next hour and a half had made the previous six-hour trek seem like a peaceful vacation. As the Vagabonds slowly progressed into the depths of the Gen-U-Tec Auxiliary Lab, they were beset upon by mutants from all sides. At first, it was fun! A great way to test their might and do exactly what their sensei had told them to do. After the twelfth mutant things started to become boring. Sure, the things looked scary, but they didn't have any actual fighting skill. By the twentieth mutant, Tobe had had just about enough.
"Why are there so many of these things?!" Jing-Jing shrieked as she drove a knee into a mutant's abdomen. "Whoever's been making them is doing a really bad job of keeping them under wraps!"
"And why are they all so boring to fight?" Tobe demanded. "I've been working on a secret technique for the last two days and I haven't had the chance to try it out!"
"Boss… you know, you can just do it whenever, right?"
"But that's so boring. I need to use it on a worthy opponent!"
As if in answer to Tobe's unasked question, a nearby door snapped open, flooding the area with light. A muscular man-panther-bat-thing stood in the door frame, its hands crackling with electricity.
"Found you," the mutant growled.
In an instant, Tobe's excitement had returned. It was still a little hard to believe that ninja magic was real, and Tobe had been training in it for the past few months! It was all he could do to keep himself from cackling as he crawled up the wall and prepared a secret attack. The mutant wouldn't even know what hit him!
Light bloomed between his fingers as he leapt, preparing to strike at the thing's heart! "TsukuyaaaAAAAAAAGH!" Electricity crackled over Tobe's body, flinging him into a wall in a smoking heap.
Silently, Jumong, Jing-Jing, and Binggure turned to see the perpetrator.
"I didn't mean to do that," he said apologetically.
Tobe groaned. The red-eyed creatures were gathering in larger numbers, looming in as if they smelled blood.
"Quick, get your friend out of here!" the panther-man demanded. "They've gone feral and attack anything that moves! We need to--!"
"How dare you attack our fearless leader like that!" Jumong exaggerated for the sake of drama. "Striking from behind is one thing, but interrupting an attack name?! That's a low blow!"
"It was an accid- ow! That hurt!" the man-panther swatted away several kunai tossed in his direction, but he wasn't fast enough to avoid the bolas lobbed at his head! "We're on the same side, we don't have to- AGH!"
"Panther Destruction Wave!" Jing-Jing declared, deciding her attack name on the spot. A beam of bright blue energy washed over the other sewer mutant and melted a huge chunk of the wall behind him.
She was declaring mutant season!
---
Entering the fight, Talon had absolutely no idea what was going on, and he had no patience to find out the nice way.
When the more benign inhabitants of the New York subway system gave him the tipoff of some strange customers fighting in the sewers, he knew enough was enough. Ever since the fiasco back in December, more and more outsiders had been poking their noses into the last refuge of the city's homeless and outcast: The Labyrinth. Their more human members could handle a misguided tourist or two without a confrontation, but there were more than a few zealots trying to flush out the "monsters" by force. As the leader of mutates, the lunatics that didn't care to see the difference between the predators and those trying to get by were Talon's problem to deal with.
Recently, their hardships have only gotten worse. Having nowhere else to go, dozens of gargoyle clones that survived Demona's terror attack made their way down to the sewers. Talon suspected Xanatos had something to do with it, though he couldn't confirm the man who helped turn them into monsters had a hand in corralling the clones underground. Vat-grown to take orders and given little room to be anything but a soldier from birth, many had degenerated to feral states without Demona around to guide them. Lexington was sure that their minds developed properly during gestation, but they were taught only to hate, fight, and kill. It was proving… difficult… to show them another way.
Still, the clones never asked to be made and abandoned. The mutates knew that story all too well, and it would have been cruel to turn the ones in need away. Some were able to find new lives and peace in the depths of the Labyrinth, but if he had to intervene to stop others from mauling innocent people, then so be it. As Talon knew there were rogue gargoyle packs in these tunnels and that he would be the one taking them down, he failed to anticipate one of their victims attacking him instead.
The blast of lighting was pure instinct, honed from years of practice and donated to the first batch of mutates from electric eels. Only after the all-too-human yelp rang out did he realize his mistake. A hasty apology and an attempt to explain the situation got him nothing but several sharp objects thrown in his direction. When that was followed up by an energy attack that left him bruised and battered, he knew he had to take off the kid's gloves.
The mutant pulled himself out of the rubble, groaning. His hand-paws began to crackle with electricity once again.
"So this is how you hunters want to play, huh? If you're not willing to see reason… then I have no choice!"
The invaders had some powers and tricks up their sleeves, but Talon was no slouch in a fight. He fired off lightning bolts and used flight to maintain distance until he was ready to pounce. The gargoyles ran off by this point, leaving only him and them.
"NINJAS- ATTACK!" the leader screamed, right before passing out. Blue energy started to crackle around his hands.
Were they superheroes? Supervillains? Talon would've loved to sit down and talk through this misunderstanding, but the female ninja was out for blood. She screamed that ridiculously-named attack yet again as he dropped to the floor, feeling the heat pass over his back as the wave demolished part of a wall.
Talon retaliated with an electrically-charged kick, sweeping his leg out to knock the ninja off of her feet. She was a lot more agile than the average thug he was used to tangling with, managing to not only dodge, but balance on his leg long enough to kick Talon in the face.
His short-lived stint as a bodyguard rarely had him up against any opponents who could really fight back, and in the years he had taken to guarding the Labyrinth, the number of foes who presented a challenge were few and far between.
That just meant he had to start fighting dirty.
He grabbed one of the abandoned tables and swung it like a baseball bat, knocking the weird clown ninja out of a dropkick. He was taken completely off guard and tumbled through the air, crashing through a window and the multitude of filing cabinets behind it.
Two down, two to go.
As Talon's stance shifted and he launched several lightning bolts at the ninja, he didn't see the multiple pairs of red eyes that were gathering in the distance.
---
"Hold it!"
A bright spotlight appeared in the middle of the abandoned lab! At the center of the room were a trio of short, humanoid cats in cybernetic armor! The light stunned the feral gargoyle clones, interrupting their sneak attack on the weakened heroes!
"We know this sort of meet-and-greet is a superhero tradition!" the tall one in purple armor bearing a saber said.
"So that's why we're calling for a change of script!" the robotic cat woman with black and pink armor complemented by a whip continued.
The last member, a short cat in a yellow armored baseball uniform, took out his twin revolvers and spun them both at the same time for dramatic effect!
"How's about we cut to the good part, and do a temporary team-up to beat up these banditos before they gang up on you first?"
Talon and the ninjas looked around. They were surrounded, and beating on each other more wasn't going to change that fact.
"What are you, super cats?" Bingurre asked in sheer confusion.
"Nope!" They shouted as a group. "We're the New York Pizza Cats!"
"What, ya need us to start the team-up?" the yellow one asked in a sarcastic drawl. "Pizza Cats, let's set an example!"
Not waiting for a definitive answer, the New York Pizza Cats jumped into the fray with elegant fencing, wild lashes, and suppressive fire! It didn't take much convincing afterwards to follow their cue, the battle swiftly coming to an end after everyone banded together and pushed back against the tide of clones. They were driven away, back into the darkness of the sewer tunnels.
"We did it," Jing-Jing said with restrained cheer. There were affirmations from the others with the same amount of excitement. After gauntlet after gauntlet of fighting, the ninjas were ready to pass out from exhaustion.
"That was too close," Talon replied. He too was panting, taxed past his limit in spite of his enhanced stamina.
"Is no one else going to question this?" Jumong asked.
"Jumong, don't be rude!" Jing-Jing replied.
"You should know by now we take these things in stride."
There was a cough from Tobe on the ground.
"Tobe!"
"It takes more than being electrocuted to keep down my fighting spirit!" Tobe said. He then bowed respectfully to the Pizza Cats. "I thank you for bringing our disparate groups together!"
"Together?" the purple one asked.
"Yes. The ninjas and the cat people." Talon gave Tobe a look. "Is that not why you were sent here? To spread a message of peace and unity?"
The baseball ninja pizza cat shook his head and handed Tobe a bill.
"Actually, you tried to dine and dash. Does El Gato Italiano ring a bell?"
"You followed us underground for weeks?" Bingurre asked. "For a bill?"
"It's only been an hour tops," Jing-Jing replied. "Tobe, did you bring your DoofCard?"
"Never leave home without it!" Tobe replied. He then pulled out a black credit card that, as it was melted by an electric blast, broke up into smoldering chunks of plastic when he tried to run it through their card reader.
The pizza cats looked at the ninjas expectantly. The ninjas looked at Talon in turn.
"Oh no. Noooooo. You're not getting money off of me!"
"But you did electrocute our leader out of nowhere!" Binggure tried to make puppy dog eyes, but the effect was greatly diminished by the clown makeup.
Talon sighed deeply. "Fine. How much do I owe you?"
The female pizza cat in black and pink whispered the amount to him. He didn't look happy with the number.
"I'll cover it this time, but don't come back to the Labyrinth. Ever."
Tobe was satisfied with that. They shook hands with Talon and the Pizza Cats before departing from the New York sewer maze. After paying for a delivery fee for directions, of course.
"At least that's the last we'll see of cats with superpowers. Now home to Doofania!"
---
Miles away, David Xanatos took a sip from his coffee as he watched a strange scene unfold on the computer monitor. Apparently, Dr. Doofenshmirtz had seen fit to send 'infiltrators' into 'his' city and try to set up an intelligence network therein. All in all, a bold effort, even if he did see it coming from a mile away.
Honestly, it was a touch passe. Perhaps it was a bit churlish, but after Doofenshmirtz had actually managed to get under his skin once or twice, he expected a higher standard. He might not be able to predict the exact form of chaos the Doctor's minions would find themself creating but chaos, when you got right down to it, could be rather predictable. Not to mention entertaining.
Xanatos allowed himself a smirk as he examined the pitched battle going on beneath his city. Having to be bailed out of a fight by some of the most obscure vigilantes in the five boroughs was certainly one of the more amusing outcomes he could've predicted. It was technically not a good use of his time to be watching this fight personally. But Xanatos understood the necessity of relaxation time.
---
Tobe and his Vagabonds have failed to infiltrate New York! The two months they were there were a massive waste of time!
The DC for infiltrating New York has increased.
You met a Pizza Cats franchise? What is with you and cats?
---
You look over the small mountain of bills sitting on your desk.
"There's a story behind whoever bought this much pizza. It better be a complicated evil plan of some sort, or I will be very upset."
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