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DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest

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Looks like the votes have gone on a bit of a landslide. Going to close the votes in a bit, and you'll get another interlude soon!

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Adhoc vote count started by Lmd on Jul 2, 2020 at 6:02 PM, finished with 63 posts and 30 votes.
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[X] I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and these are my… companions. Norm the Giant Robot Man, and Major Francis Monogram!
[X] Ah, a fellow Doofenshmirtz! Who are you?
[X] Traps? What traps? The secret entrance was devoid of traps!
 
With all of this Roman stuff, I think perhaps I've found a lead for Genghis Khan's steed?




The Ardennais or Ardennes is one of the oldest breeds of draft horse, and originates from the Ardennes area in Belgium, Luxembourg, and France. They are heavy-boned with thick legs and are used for draft work.

Their history reaches back to Ancient Rome...

...The horses have been used throughout history as war horses, both as cavalry mounts and to draw artillery, and are used today mainly for heavy draft and farm work, meat production and competitive driving events.
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Nystical said:
With all of this Roman stuff, I think perhaps I've found a lead for Genghis Khan's steed?

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Throw Jookiba at it, and see if we can sneak in some Khan genes (for added intelligence/a better bond with it's rider). Apply cybernetics where possible. Bind a few spirits to it. Boom. A steed worthy of Genghis Khan- because I don't think he'll accept anything other than horse, and we want to give him the best horse possible.
 
You know, I have to wonder what the Mongolians think about our successful resurrection of Genghis Khan. He's understandably a pretty popular guy in Mongolia. I've heard rumors they have a prophecy or something.
 
Simon_Jester said:
You know, I have to wonder what the Mongolians think about our successful resurrection of Genghis Khan. He's understandably a pretty popular guy in Mongolia. I've heard rumors they have a prophecy or something.
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If ever decide to make Khan: the Musical, featuring the man himself, it better premier in Ulaanbaatar.

But more seriously, I don't think the world at large knows we've brought back Genghis Khan. (Otherwise, we'd have rabid historians chomping at the bit for an interview.) It might not be possible for us to reveal him without drawing government ire for breaking the masquerade. But I do bet we could get inroads into Mongolia via Temujin. Wonder if they have anything interesting...
 
Shadowhisker said:
But more seriously, I don't think the world at large knows we've brought back Genghis Khan. (Otherwise, we'd have rabid historians chomping at the bit for an interview.) It might not be possible for us to reveal him without drawing government ire for breaking the masquerade.
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...Which masquerade would we be breaking?

(I know there are masquerades, but which one?)
 
Simon_Jester said:
...Which masquerade would we be breaking?

(I know there are masquerades, but which one?)
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I'm... not entirely sure myself. I know the truth about Hawaii, magic, and aliens are the big three secrets. Also, the government doesn't like us because we publicly declared ourselves ruler of the Two-And-A-Half State Area, whereas the other players are just very influential in their territories. (Except for those that have been declared exclusion zones, like the BnL Wasteland, the Oregon Triangle, and Hawaii.)

I figured that revealing we brought back to life the world's greatest/most infamous conqueror via SCIENCE might be a little too sci-fi for Uncle Sam tastes. But, we could always ask @Made in Heaven for confirmation?
 
To be fair that's not so much "breaking the masquerade" as "Holy Shit, look at what this guy did with science!"

It also might make people consider that if they want to be resurrected at some point in the future they should have lots of children

Also, Dino Rider Genghis for life!
 
You know, Genghis didn't have only one horse (well, except for maybe some time early in life when he was ambitiously climbing up from his yurt-trash origins).

He could have an entire freaking stable of different mounts for different circumstances, including, I dunno, horses, genetically enhanced horses, cyborg horses, motorcycles, rocketbikes, dinosaurs, and indeed pretty much everything imaginable.

All at once.

Why think small?
 
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Interlude: Expedition to Castle Doofhawk, Part V
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    • [X] I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and these are my… companions. Norm the Giant Robot Man, and Major Francis Monogram!
    [X] Ah, a fellow Doofenshmirtz! Who are you?
    [X] I came here to learn about magic, what can you tell me about it?

    "Hello! I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and these are my… companions, Norm the Giant Robot Man and Major Francis Monogram!" Monogram waved hesitantly, his jaw still open in shock.

    "Close your mouth, Francis, you'll catch flies." you commented dryly. "See? I told you! Magic does exist!"

    "Of course it exists!" the ghost comments, folding his spectral arms across his chest. "Seriously, you thought otherwise?"

    "Eh, you know how it is. People didn't like magic back then, they still don't like it now. Lots of people want to keep it secret, but not me! That's why I came here- to learn about magic! Seeing as how you're a fellow Doofenshmirtz, I figured I could start out by asking who you are."

    "Well, I'm glad you asked! I… am the Dread Warlock Malifishmirtz! Ah ha ha ha ha!" he cackled, as lighting crashed outside. You're pretty sure it wasn't storming when you came in, but it's Drusselstein- the weather was always terrible. "I lived in this castle many many centuries ago, riiiight up until a band of angry peasants sought me out for heresy and burnt me at the stake."

    "Eesh. Drusselstein hasn't changed much then."

    "I figured. Now you may be wondering, 'how did a warlock such as yourself get captured by four angry peasants and their tiny Spitzenhound?' Well, I'll tell you."

    "You two are exactly alike!" Norm cheerfully interjected.

    "Silence!" Malifishmirtz snaps, sounding more irritated than actually angry. "You see, I actually let them capture me so I could demonstrate my magnificent power! They marched me to the center of the village and tied me to that stake, and that was the point that I wanted to use magic to burn the ropes away and emerge like a triumphant phoenix!" He spreads his arms for emphasis. "Unfortunately… I used the wrong spell. Instead of dousing the flames I increased them exponentially, and kinda burned Drusselstein to the ground. Along with myself."

    "Harsh. But that's where I come in! I am your descendant who managed to take over an entire country for myself, and now I've come looking for answers about magic!"

    "We've come looking for answers." Monogram amends. "And I've been dragged through some anachronistic hellhole looking for them. Please tell me you can give us something tangible?"

    "Tangible? Who do you think I am?! The Dread Warlock Malifishmirtz does not deal in intangibility! Except when I'm dealing with illusion spells! What do you wish to know?"

    "Basically… everything. Seriously. I was only like 80% sure magic even existed this morning, and I've got absolutely no idea where to start with it. Are the movies right? Are the movies wrong? I have no way of knowing!"

    "Weeeellll… you are my descendant, and getting this far in one piece proves that you're not totally incompetent… so I'll tell you what. You pass my test, and I'll give you my old alchemy notes and tome of arcane lore!"

    "Yeah, you know what, that's fair."

    "Excellent! Then let the challenge… begin! Ah ha ha ha!" Malifishmirtz disappears as the magic circle around you fades out… and then a giant green slime comes shambling into the great hall!

    "What is this, some sort of living slime?!" You ask incredulously.

    "It's traditional, sir!" Norm pipes up.

    "Huh?"

    "Don't you ever play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons? Vanessa invited me the other day!"

    "Norm, you're a giant robot. Since when have you played DDnD?!" You pause for a second as that last statement sinks in. "Wait a minute, Vanessa plays the nerdiest game ever invented?!"

    "It's cool now, sir! You should really spend more time with your children!"

    "Ugh, I'm trying." you groan, dragging a hand down your face.

    "Thank you, father!"

    "Not you!" You reply, earlier resolutions forgotten. "I invited Vanessa to come with me and she said Drusselstein was 'lame!'"

    "Well, she's got a point." Francis comments, grabbing onto a nearby chair.

    The slime slithers across the floor and crashes towards the three of you like a tidal wave!

    DC Challenge: Martial- Fight back against the slime!
    DC 55 needed:19+12+36=67
    Success!

    Norm steps out in front of you, activating his ACME Garbage Disposal and hitting the creature with a huge gout of flame! The greenish jelly bubbles and boils as the creature lurches back! Taking advantage of the opportunity Norm follows up with a mighty blast of his ACME Death Lasers!

    DC Challenge: Martial- Fight back against the slime!
    DC 55 needed:87+12+36=135
    Critical Success!

    Wow. They really weren't kidding when they named those things. A massive laser blasts out as Norm annihilates every single globule in one fell swoop. "Ew!" he says cheerfully. You should really see about improving his ability to emote.

    Malifishmirtz reappears, looking intrigued. "That's an interesting automaton you've got there. Did you build it yourself?"

    "Of course I did! Norm's been serving me for a couple years now."

    "Well, a deal's a deal. As fun as it would be to keep throwing monsters at you, let's just cut to the chase. You're here to learn about magic? Walk right down that hallway there.

    The hallway in question suddenly illuminates itself as the torches lining the walls ignite in a flare of purple. Francis dropped the chair he was holding, looking rather disappointed that he didn't get to use it on anything.

    Down at the end of the hallway was an actually impressive room that looked like every depiction of a wizard's (or warlock's, you supposed) inner sanctum. Shelves that were filled with books, all sorts of jars containing weird and esoteric ingredients, a cauldron waiting in a barren fireplace, multicolored tapestries… and in the center of the room was a desk, holding two tomes. One was much thicker and just screamed 'spellbook' to you, and the other was thinner, containing lots of notes written in Latin in a spidery hand. Malifishmirtz appeared behind them in a flash of purple. "There! My Arcane Tome of Ancient Lore and my somewhat less ancient alchemy notes. That should be enough to get you started! Take those back home and give them a read. Take the Malifishmirtz signet ring, too- that'll let you summon my spirit for a short time if you've ever got any questions. It's not a perfect solution since I can only spend so much time away from the castle in a day, but come on, it's not like you'll be able to move the castle or anything, right?" The ghostly warlock cackles at his own joke.

    "There's a signet ring for the Malifishmirtz family?" Francis asks.

    "I know, right?! I'm just as surprised as you are!"

    You have received proof of magic, and a magic tome to study at a later date! You've got what you came here for! What are you going to do now? Choose one:

    [ ] Talk to Malifishmirtz

    Your great^65th grunkle wants you to learn more about the theory of magic before he talks to you further, but maybe you can squeeze a little more information out of him anyway… or maybe he'll just complain to you about how the legates around here are completely unfair.

    [ ] Explore Castle Doofhawk

    By taking the right secret passage you managed to surpass most of the traps and rooms contained within the castle. Now that you're on good terms with the castle's current host, take a look through some of them. There's got to be some more loot, right?

    After you do that, and before you head back home, is there anything else you want to do? Choose one:

    [ ] Get some Drakkenblad pretzels
    [ ] Buy some Doonkleberries
    [ ] Just head back to Doofania
     
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