"Don't you mean Hercules?" Max asks incredulously.
"I am STORKULES, a eudaemon! A spirit of heroic endeavors built in a noble image!" Before anyone can get a word in edgewise, Storkules starts things off with a left hook towards Goofy!
Storkules Martial Check: 78+48-5=121
Goofy Martial Contest: 56+25+21+7-5=104
Storkules Success!
Before the punch can connect, it is intercepted by a massive submarine sandwich that impales itself on his fist with a wet smack.
"Have a sandwich!" Dennis yells, attempting to fall into something that resembles a boxing stance.
"Hey, Mr. Storkules!" Goofy calls out. "Maybe we don't have to fight! We're not evil!"
Diplomacy Check: Convince Storkules you're not up to no good!
DC 120 needed: 63+15+28+7-5=108
Failure!
"HAH! I KNOW NOT WHO YOU ARE, FIENDS, BUT I SHALL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HONEYED WORDS!"
"It's no use trying, Goofy." you say solemnly as Storkules fails to react to Goofy's earnest plea. "He's entered a berserker rage."
"Wait- that's Norse!" Max protests. "He's Greek!"
"I HAVE A VERY CONFUSED ORIGIN!" Storkules bellows as he charges at you!
Storkules Martial Check: 26+48-5=69
Goofy Martial Contest: 89+25+21+7-5=137
Failure!
"YOU CANNOT FLEE FROM STORKULES FOR LONG, MY ENSORCELLED FOES!" In the time it took him to say that, you've already dodged to the side! Compared to a roadrunner who can literally set the road ablaze with his speed, this guy is nothing. You pull your backup ACME mace from behind your back and prepare to inflict it upon your foe.
Coyote Martial Check: 31+25+21+7-5=79
Storkules Martial Contest: 46+48-5=89
Failure!
Unfortunately he bats it out of your hand before you have a chance to do anything!
"Wait!" Dennis cries. "We're just trying to find Donald!"
"GASP, FIND DONALD?! YOU WILL NOT HARM HIM, CURS! I SHALL NEVER REVEAL TO YOU THAT DONALD IS TRAVELING WITH THE GODDESS OF ADVENTURE!"
The eudaemon pauses.
"Perhaps I should not have said that last part out loud."
Well, if Donald is off traveling the world and sticking to long-abandoned temples like this, then it makes sense why nobody would be able to find him that easily.
"NO MATTER!" The glowing spirit declares. "Once I have dispatched you, my dear ally Donald's secrets will be safe again!
Storkules Martial Check: 4+48-5=47
Coyote Martial Contest: 86+23(explosion reroll)+25+21+7-5=157
Storkules Critical Failure!
Storkules charges at you like a bull, so naturally you pull an ACME red tablecloth out of nowhere and wave it in front of his face! True to form, the eudaemon tears through the cloth... and smacks into one of the grotesque statues that is still disgorging its neon-colored liquid.
"MRaaaah!" Stokules yells, his head caught in the statue's mouth. He tugs and pulls, finally yanking himself out from the mass in a shower of broken stone.
"There! Now I SHALL-"
With a rumble, the statue collapses on top of Storkules. As he is crushed into the swirling misama of the pool, you can see his form start to flicker and melt away.
"CURSES!" He declares in anguish. "Thou foul villains hath defeated me! My glorious task of guardianship has failed! The evil magic of this pool saps my form. I must return to Elysium… or Valhalla… or Olympus, or, I don't know, I only manifested four months ago. Listen to me, ne'er do wells! Whatever you do, do not remove the-"
The head of the statue collapses onto him, causing his form to poof in a much less impressive burst of light.
"Well, that was anticlimactic." Dennis comments, scratching his head with the neat staff he found in the treasure chamber.
The room around you starts to rumble.
"Please tell me that wasn't a load-bearing decorative statue." Max pleads to no one in particular.
The ceiling is not collapsing, but you do notice a huge stone slab slowly lowering itself over the door.
Stewardship Check: Escape the temple!
DC 100 needed: 44+22+16+7+20(mapped out temple)-5=104
Bare Success
You start to run straight down the long skull-filled hallway from earlier, trying to ignore Max's panicked screams as you go. Fortunately you remember where most of the traps are and nobody gets shocked, singed, or put to sleep by tranquilizer darts! Unfortunately you have to contend with the passages slowly but surely being closed off as the temple enters a lockdown of sorts.
"Is it just me, or is the rumbling getting louder?" Max asks concernedly as he runs.
"Maybe someone's hungry!" Dennis suggests.
Inexorably, your head turns to look behind you. And, of course, you are being followed by a massive boulder.
The four of you scream in unison before redoubling your speed.
"Wait." Dennis asks. "We're going uphill. Why is the boulder…"
The four of you look back.
"I don't think it's too concerned, little guy." Goofy says.
By the time you get to the entrance you have to duck and roll under the foot-high passage, making it out mere seconds before the temple seals itself off with a resounding thunk. Goofy's arm slips out from under the door just in time, carrying his signature hat with it. Max looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown, Goofy is sweating a little, and Dennis looks back dejectedly at his submarine sandwich still caught under the door.
Ari has somehow made it out before you and greets your group with a resounding cheer, complete with waving little flags that bear your faces. He launches into one more repetition of his song before giving you a wet kiss on the lips and backflipping off of the treetops, far into the distance.
Wiping your mouth with a look of disgust, you do a quick headcount to make sure that nobody's been left behind. Everyone is accounted for. Best of all, you even managed to drag out that sack of treasure with you! It's not a lot, but it'll be sure to get Dr. D's interest and maybe even pay for a few weeks of R&R to make up for the horrid, horrid jungle trek.
All in all, this mission hasn't gone nearly as horrible as it could have. Sure, you didn't find Donald, and the temple may have sealed itself off, but you got some answers, some cool loot, and the location of a place to excavate later. Everything seems to have gone-
The boulder smashes through the sealed door, squashing you flat before rolling off into the distance.
Unable to move your mouth, you fall back upon the old standby of simple painted signs.
OW.
---
You are Doofenshmirtz again, and your away team has just returned with a respectable haul.
It took them another two long, dragging weeks to get back into the country. Seven days of trekking through the jungle, six of waiting to get through customs, and another one for the flight itself. Exhausted, bored, and ready to spend a week in his own bed, Coyote dumps the sack of treasure on the floor of the breakroom before sinking deep into the couch. Max makes a beeline for the coffee machine, and even the normally chipper Goofy isn't in his usual high spirits. There's an assortment of gold and jewels, and the few artifacts they thought could be brought back without risking a potential curse.
The nicest one had to be the incredibly ornate map that they somehow found. It looked like it had been printed on a sheet of woven gold and depicted a shockingly accurate picture of the world. Europe's coastlines were a little fuzzy and the distinctiveness of the Indian subcontinent left a lot to be desired, but it was very impressive for something done hundreds of years ago. A series of white pinpricks of light shone over various locations on the map, each of them obviously corresponding to something. The light down in Peru was glowing a shade of orange instead.
Just off the top of your head, you could identify locations in Egypt, Australia, the Ivory Coast, the Galapagos Islands, and…
"Hmm. Whatever could this be referring to?" Coyote questioned aloud, pointing a finger at a pinprick somewhere in China.
"I know zhis." Temujin commented as he came up behind you. "Xanadu."
"Huh, so that actually existed?" Your creepy intern asks. You don't remember her showing up, but you suppose it's for the best. "Good to know."
Temujin frowns. "Do not speak of Xanadu lightly, Janna. Eet iz the domain of Shishi and mountain spirits."
She turns around to dig through the pile of gold and minor artifacts on the ground. "So what do we have here?"
"Be careful with those! They're historical artifacts!" you insist.
"Relax, will ya? I'm not gonna break anything, just want to see if…"
The room darkens.
"What. Did. You. Do." Max intones ominously as he whirls around from the coffee machine.
Purple smoke begins to billow out from the pile of gold, filling the room with arcane power! The golden scepter Dennis picked out levitates off of the ground, bearing the visage of a snarling, golden fowl with pointed horns and purple eyes.
The staff floats over into Janna's hand as a booming voice bellows from it!
"FINALLY, AFTER SIX HUNDRED YEARS OF IMPRISONMENT -- give or take a few decades-- I AM FREE!"
"Cool." Janna breathes in awe.
"Who the dummkopf are you?!" you ask, incredulous.
"Who am I? WHO AM I?! DO YOU NOT KNOW THE NAME OF LORD FELLDRAKE?!"
"...No," Max says, completely deadpan.
"You traipsed all over my temple and you don't even know who I am?!"
"Wait, would you happen to be Lord Felldrake Sheldgoose?" Goofy questions. When he puts his mind to it, he can pick up on things astonishingly quickly.
"Aha! So you do know who I am! What were you doing snooping around in my temple?"
"We were looking for one of your descendants!"
"Hmm," the staff says as its eyes somehow look about the room without actually moving. "Acceptable. I don't see any of them here, but I suppose they can be found in time."
"If that was your temple, why didn't you say anything to us? We almost got killed!"
"I was screaming at you for ages!!!"
---
Two Weeks Earlier, in the Treasure Room
"Dennis, why are you so certain you want that staff?" Max asks, pointing at the creepy, duck-headed thing.
"I dunno. It just calls to me."
"Get over here you nincompoops! Argh! None of you have an ounce of magical potential, but you can still be of use to me. Go out into the world! Find the evilest, vilest, most hateful practitioner of dark magic you can, one of incredible power. Only they may join me in my grand destiny, and together conquer THE UNIV-"
Dennis grabs the golden staff out from the pile of gold.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"I bet this would be a greeeaaat walking stick!" Dennis beams.
"I am not a walking stick! I am Lord Felldrake! I once ruled all of existence. Hey! Hey! Put me down! Now!"
"I can't wait to use this! It'll help me bat away giant bugs, and cross muddy jungle, and I think some of these spikes are even small enough to clean out my ears!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
---
The four of them look at each other in embarrassment.
"That was you?" Dennis asks. "I thought Wile E just learned how to throw his voice."
"ANYWAY!" Felldrake the stick continues, "I can barely feel any spark of magic between the lot of you, but this girl obviously has some knowhow. What is your name?"
"I never give out my full name to artifacts. Call me Janna."
"Hah! I like this one! She knows her way around the occult, and she has the potential to be plenty evil on top of it all! But you're not a caster, are you… hmm..." the staff muses to himself for a moment. "Oh well, you're still the best evil-plus magic combo I have going here. Besides, nothing a little influx of magical power won't fix! Now! Are you ready to cast your first spell?"
"Hey! I'm very evil!" You comment, inserting yourself into the conversation all of a sudden.
"Pass! You barely know the difference between abjuration and evocation!"
"So what if I play a rogue?! I hate spell slots!" you mutter to yourself.
Felldrake's eyes glow with arcane might as a fell wind whips around the room, lifting Janna's hair as the staff glows with a blinding power.
"I'll do the heavy lifting." Feldrake tells her. "Just feel the dark magic flow through you! And uh, try not to let it burn you into a charred husk."
Janna Occult Check: Perform the spell!
DC 50 needed: 78+10+12=100
Critical Success!
Twin beams of violet light fly from Felldrake's eyes, summoning the skeleton of a ferocious, winged monster! It ignites in green, ethereal flames as the decomposition process reverses before your eyes, knitting over the bones with dense muscle, pale flesh, and purple fur. Throughout the entire process Janna is grinning like you've never seen her before. This isn't one of her sarcastic, dismissive smirks, she's smiling in unbridled joy.
"Wooooow. That thing is hideous!" she proclaims as the resulting creature stands up. It looks like a cross between a bat, gorilla, and a donkey.
"Thank you! I worked very hard on him. Leopold! Daddy's back!"
"DADDY!" The chimera bellows in a deep, gormless voice. It crosses the room in a single bound, tackling Janna to the ground and giving her a messy lick like an oversized dog might.
"Who's a good crime against nature? You are!" she gleefully scratches him behind his ears. His leg thumps against the ground, sending tremors through the building that can be felt forty floors below.
Well. That wasn't quite what you expected.
---
Quest: Birds of a Feather completed!
You can now send a team to excavate the temple of Chicken Itza properly! There may still be untold treasures waiting inside! Assigning Janna to this action will grant +40 due to Felldrake's knowledge of the temple!
Lord Felldrake has joined Janna as a magical artifact! He is not at his full power yet, but when wielded by someone with the proper persuasion, he grants a +12 to Occult and removes the penalty from Non-Practicing Practitioner! Lord Felldrake is unable to betray you unless his wielder betrays you! Really, he can't! He is immobile!
Felldrake can be reassigned to other hero units in the future, but beware! Felldrake has exacting standards when he's not desperate, and he will refuse to reassign himself to any wielder who is not either more evil or more powerful than his last!
Janna got to cast her first spell with Felldrake's help! You made this all possible, so her loyalty has increased!
Leopold the Horrible has joined Janna as part of her statline! When she is sent on quests, the monkey-bat-donkey-rat chimera grants her +20 to any Martial action involving direct combat or offense! This bonus will transfer to anyone that Felldrake is reassigned to in the future!
Valuables from Chicken Itza secured! You have gained a small income increase!
Max hated the trip and will receive a temporary loyalty malus! He now considers it his Worst Trip Ever! Even worse than Possum Park!
Dennis was disappointed that you didn't find Donald, but really enjoyed seeing the home of his ancestors. He's ready to keep searching!
Lead on Donald Duck discovered! You're fairly sure he's traveling with the 'Goddess of Adventure', whoever that is!
Felldrake's Map of the World discovered! He knows something about the other locations indicated on the map, but he's not going to share until you do something about Chicken Itza!
Temujin said one of the points on the map may have corresponded to Xanadu! With his guidance you can mount an expedition and try to uncover its secrets!
