I enjoyed that update a lot!
Night has fallen. You have only the slightest view outside of the confessional, but the stained glass windows outside have gone dark. The chapel is lit by flickering candles and a few overhead lights, casting the nave in deep shadows. Outside, crickets and cicadas create a chorus in the woods that you can hear even through the walls. You hear footsteps approach, and nod to where Monogram is watching you from the table. Seems like it's time.
Horvath is more or less the same as you remember him. Oversized, fur-lined coat, slightly outdated collar, though not easy to notice at first glance. High-brimmed felt hat, and crystal-topped cane brimming with arcane power. Goatee. He steps into your room in the confessional as if the barrier was not there.
Horvath looks down on you with a look that is not annoyance, if only because it expected to be disappointed. Down, both because he does in fact have a few inches on you, and because within a second of his arrival into the room the cane flashes and you feel your body being forced to its knees. You consider fighting it, but don't. You'll need energy for more important things in a moment, and if you're lucky, he's still underestimating you.
This was a fun intro. I didn't fully appreciate it on the first reading, but it's really funny. I like how observant it portrays Russ as being.
Horvath's staff flashes, and the lock on one door clicks gently. Horvath peeks inside, a look of slightly bored interest on his face…
Hm 1937, Vzks Chrmdx qdkdzrdc Rmnv Vghsd, bnmrhcdqdc ax lzmx sgd ehqrs sqtd zmhlzsdc lnuhd zr vd tmcdqrszmc sgdl snczx. Bnmrhcdqdc ctqhmf oqnctbshnm sn ad 'Vzks'r Enkkx', sgd-
Raw information bombards Horvath, a memory encapsulated in a single burst of information. All complete gibberish.
"Blast." Horvath mutters. "Of course a spy would encrypt himself. Fine, then, once I have the schema the rest will fall into place…"
And so Horvath sets to work, staff occasionally manipulating the raw information before him in inexplicable ways, setting himself, if only for a few moments, to the task of solving this puzzle.
Completely insensate to the world around him.
I like how Horvath is deceived by Russ here. Horvath is obviously an expert in magical affairs, but he's also arrogant. Still, he considered the possibility of failure, rather than letting that arrogance get to him. Ironically his preparedness would lead to his downfall here.
Encryption was a neat way of portraying Russ protecting his thoughts against Horvath.
Outside, a fox slips quietly through the church's hedgerows. Under the moonlight, the stained glass of the building took an inky pallour, shadowing any sight of what may be happening within. Kitsune glances at the darkened glass, feeling the seconds slowly tick down. Strange, how the moments seemed to slow at times like this.
Something glints through the corner of the window. The barest flash of something, perhaps the flicker of a candle from inside, or a stray moonbeam catching at just the right angle. Kitsune closes her eyes and listens carefully. Behind her, under the dull thrum of night, a roar begins to build.
The oak doors of the chapel explode inwards with a crashing of stone as something forces its way through the wall, chunks of stone and wood falling all across the room.
The perspective switch to Kitsune was well written. I can feel that she is different than Russ. There's hints of her personality in the prose.
The moonlight from outside is blotted out by a massive mechanical construct that looms in the cloud of dust, rising partway to the arched ceiling. Its surface glimmers wildly under incandescent churchlight, an intricate tessellation of metallic fur and tails, snarling rodent heads imposed on gears between them at precise intervals. Metallic, murine laughter fills the air as mechanical claws in the facsimile of treads scrabble for purchase, heaving its bulk through the opening and further destroying the wall. The heads shift as one and cast dozens of pinpricks of red light onto a clearly surprised Redcoat and Abigail.
There is a brief moment of silence, before the Morganians snaps to action. Blackbeard roars as he ascends up to the peak of the ceiling as the Redcoat shoves a hand into his pocket, pulling Abigail under the cover of the pews even as she tries to clutch at the pentagram around her neck.
The Ratte Tank was really funny. I can almost see a picture of it in my head. Probably for the best. The unknown is often scarier than the known, and I get the impression that the Ratte Tank isn't supposed to be friendly.
Only for a swirl of fur to collide into her, shattering her nascent barrier in a crack of red lightning and throwing her against the church's eastern wall. Striding atop the tweenage witch, Kitsune looms, Talisman clutched in her mouth. Abigail raises a hand towards the fox, only to tremble, eyes going wide as the world flickers around her.
"Abigail!" The Redcoat twists his hand through the air, the air around him closing to a tunnel between him and the nine-tailed beast looming over her. Long practice brings the pistol up, squared on the creature's chest. The distance closes, and there's just enough time for Kitsune to look the Redcoat in the eye before disappearing in a bloom of gunpowder.
More foreshadowing that Redcoat at least sees her as someone to be protected. The fight seen as fun.
The projector shuts off. All around Horvath, metal walls clang down like bulkheads closing. The walls you are lowering will not stop an Archmage. But they will make him very annoyed.
In the real world, Russ winces, stuck still in Horvath's spell. The pain he is experiencing cannot be called unimaginable, because Russ is imagining it. Every effort is being spent on slowing Horvath down without letting him into the bulk of your mind, the places of your hopes, your dreams, the places the man could tear apart upon his way out. The walls crack- every inch of your mental fortitude buckling under a millennium of mystic might.
Twisting back into a humanoid form, Kitsune stalks around the two men, locked in a grave mental contest. To her, the waves of magic are obvious, as is the strain permeating the confessional's air. The slightest disturbance could send the whole affair careening into chaos.....
Glancing at the barrier crackling around Horvath's shoulders, Kitsune lifts a sizable piece of plaster with her tail, and chucks the lot at the archmagister's head. It impacts with a dull thunk, and Horvath grimaces as the pain of solid plaster pulls him out of someone else's thoughts.
The trick was great. Russ had no chance of defeating Horvath in a cosmic duel. But he could redirect Horvath's attention. If Horvath hadn't been focused on erasing Russ's memories, he could have contributed to the fight. So he got his time wasted wasting his time. Kitsune's intervention was funny. Basically just throwing a rock.
"You should have aimed lower." Kitsune notes.
"Live first, banter later." You reply. You still smirk, though, even as you rush out of the room and grab your effects.
It feels like Russ is getting back in his groove! But Kitsune isn't wrong either!
"You're not exactly what I expected the country to send. Some sort of… hybrid? No, half-children of the faeries are typically less… obvious. Some descendant then? A thinning of the blood?"
Huh. I assume he's talking about the Children of
Oberon Titania, but maybe not. I wonder why he would say that a distant descendant of the faeries would be more obvious than the first generation. I doubt he's wrong, but I wonder what makes him right.
Still, it's funny that he came to the wrong conclusion about Kitsune. He clearly knows a lot, but Kitsune has ensured that she isn't a known factor. Though you could argue there are similarities in his description to Kitsune's birth.
Parasite
DC 79
70% CoS 94+ 3-
4+38+10=52
Nearly Critical Failure
"At least I'll still get some use out of your en-"
All at once, the sickly glow stops. The tank careens through another portion of the wall, suddenly moving much faster than it was expecting. The tendrils of light drawing from Abigail begin to move back into Horvath's cane, at first by inches and then in a single smooth motion, like water drawn into a pipette. Colors distort in front of you as Horvath seems to move backwards, withdrawing his cane from her neck as he stands up and takes a step back, each of his motions trailing an ethereal sand.
lol. lmao.
I could tell something bad was going to happen when he started talking about Abigail's failure, but I was surprised he went that far. It fits him perfectly. And sucks to suck!
"She-" The Redcoat chokes. He presses his throat with his left hand, pistol still clenched in his right. "She's just a child, sir."
"As are you, apparently." The archmage snaps, cane flaring.
Balthazar (and most of you, to be frank) are watching in stunned silence as the two remaining Morganians turn on each other.
"Why did I think a sentimental royalist would be of any help at all in accomplishing anything? No, actually, don't answer that, just die instead." Horvath adds, raising his staff. "This entire idea has been a complete waste of-"
And Horvath can't resist betraying his subordinates and rubbing it in their face. He probably couldn't have won at that point, but he could have come out of the venture with much less assets lost.
Redcoat+Balthazar vs Horvath
95% CoS 91+ 0-
92+90 (Crit reroll)+20 (Redcoat)+39 (Balthazar)+18(Blackbeard's Ghost)+40 (Ratte Tank)=299
Horvath Opposed
5% CoS 100+ 10-
43+38 (Horvath)+10 (Master of the Morganians)=91
Critical Success!
A single bolt of plasma rockets from Balthazar's hand, slamming into Horvath's back. The man staggers, hat tipping askew as he nearly falls to the ground. The Redcoat looks stunned, but that's nothing compared to Balthazar, who is staring at his own fingers as if they'd just sprouted wings.
Then, before you can form an opinion on the proceedings, the Redcoat shoots a bolt of his own.
Hot damn. That's quite a series of rolls.
Horvath has just enough time to look up before twin beams of light blast out of their hands, rocketing across the room and impacting Horvath at exactly the same time. They explode on impact, sending bursts of multicolor light scintillating across the room amidst a deafening boom.
Stars and stripes, but it looks exactly like a firework.
That cannot have been fun to experience as Horvath. The only thing missing is the patriotic tricolor!🫡🇺🇸
Horvath's expression has shifted rapidly from fury, to concern, to a tight-lipped glare of determination. His eyes shift rapidly between Balthazar, the Redcoat, and the ruined middle of the church, scanning the rubble whenever he can risk a glance away from his opponents. One of his hands goes to his pockets, yanking out a glowing blue phial.
In a fluid motion, the Redcoat draws his pistol and cocks the hammer, a spark blooming from the gun at the same time Horvath frantically raises it to his lips and swallows the contents. He vanishes in a flash of light an instant before a musket ball tears through his location and shatters a window on the opposite wall.
It's only a fraction of a second later that your own bullet passes through the same space. Yours has a safety.
(nearly) Everyone joined in! It makes sense that he'd have something to get him out of tricky situations. You don't survive a thousand years without being clever enough to get out of dodge if things become too tough.
Kitsune gently lowers a shell-shocked Abigail down onto one of the few pews left standing. She looks up, a carefully inscrutable expression on her face. "Are we quite done?"
Makes sense that Russ would miss it, but when did Kitsune pick up Abigail?
"Portal potion." Balthazar grumbles. "Expensive, single use, unreliable. One last trick up his sleeve." Balthazar pauses, a flicker of something you don't quite catch passing over his face. "Typical Horvath."
That does sound like Horvath.
Kitsune tilts her head, but she steps back from the pew, moving back to your side. Abigail herself seems entirely lost, but she carefully steps back to her feet, shuffling meekly towards the Redcoat, glancing nervously at Balthazar as she goes.
Curses!
Empty Nest: Increase child count by 1.
Reward: Depends on the child.
"Will Horvath be doing this again?" Balthazar asks brusquely, making the Redcoat pause halfway through his first step.
"He wouldn't attempt such a thing without a fool to perform the ritual for him." The Redcoat answers. "Without my expertise, I doubt he'd ever bother with the risk."
A wry smile wavers on his face. "He mostly wanted to goad you into doing something rash."
Balthazar's face becomes even stonier. He doesn't say any more.
This is just funny. I wonder what he was planning for the ritual. The Redcoat could be playing up how much Horvath wanted to goad Balthazar, but it makes sense that he would want to try to take out Balthazar and empower himself with some ritual.
You play your trump card. "Fix them then."
Balthazar blinks. "What?"
....
"I'll let you know my rates."
You smile. And then, despite yourself, feel that smile fading as he reaches into the brim of his absurdly shaped hat… and somehow pulls out the full, unfolded Declaration of Independence.
This entire scene was just hilarious. It's really funny that Russ's instinct was to try to get Balthazar to work for the Feds. And I'll bet that he's not even exaggerating about their retainers.
"It was in your hat?!" You squeeze out, bulging eyes blessedly hidden behind your glasses.
"Pocket dimension." Balthazar replies casually, looking the document over briefly before handing it over. "Handy. You're gonna want that back in a protected case by tomorrow, charms don't last forever."
You struggle to fully parse the fact that you are holding the Declaration of Independence, and Balthazar takes the opportunity to leave. Apparently wizards are capable of more than a binary choice. The master of the Merlinians is finally active again. Horvath is down two Morganians, a rare potion… and a lot of dignity. He also knows your face, even if you ended up more of an accessory than anything.
And this was funny too. Russ was
not prepared for the irreverence. The pocket dimension is a clever trick!
Wouldn't Horvath be down three Morganians? The Redcoat, Blackbeard, and Abigail? Was one of them not a Morganian?
"WHERE IS OUR PROMISED LAND?" "WHAT IS OUR REWARD?!" "FULFILL YOUR BARGAIN!" "give dumpster"
"A short journey away." Kitsune purrs, leaning back against the altar. "The transport to Danville should not take too long."
"We're bringing them to Danville?" You ask, dubiously.
"Is the good Major not the most qualified of your agents to handle their kind?" Kitsune asks, insouciant.
You think about it for a moment, then shrug. If Doofenshmirtz has a problem with it, he'll say something. At length.
"How are we gonna get the rats to Danville anyway?" Gonzo asks.
"First class, please." Rizzo opines.
The rats are great. Rizzo asking for first class was really funny. I liked Russ's comment that Doof would complain about the rats if he had a problem. It's a funny subversion of how that phrase usually goes.
As you step out of the repaired door and onto the concrete steps before the chapel, there's really only one thing you're thinking about.
What the look on Riddle's face is going to be like…
The sharp joy lasts until you remember the state of your rental.
Russ getting back in his groove and a great closing line!
Quest: Magic Missile's Red Glare completed!
The Declaration of Independence has been recovered in one piece, and Horvath's plan is foiled!
Balthazar Blake, Master of the Merlinians, has a neutral opinion about Russ and his team! Their efforts were acceptable but not exemplary, altruistic but with no guarantee of future alignment. He has no opinion about Doofenshmirtz or DEI. Attempt to reach out to the Merlinians unlocked. Attempt to reach out to the Morganians unlocked (Maybe don't send anyone from this quest unless they have a really good disguise).
Russ gains 1 Diplomacy
Russ gains 2 Stewardship
Russ gains 1 Martial (?)
Kitsune gains 1 Diplomacy
Kitsune gains 2 Occult
Kermit gains 2 Diplomacy
Monogram gains 2 Intrigue
Monogram gains 3 Occult
With the Declaration in hand (and a government soon to… rejoin you guess), the question it comes down to now is how to go about handing the Declaration back in.
[ ] Send Russ
[ ] Monogram
[ ] Just Call Somebody
I'm glad the quest is over. I'm not looking forward to the interludes, but we can't put them off forever. The stat boosts are good. Where did the stewardship bonus for Russ come from? That question mark near the martial increase for Russ is interesting though. That occult increase for Kitsune is great. The occult increase for Monogram is funny and the intrigue boost is really helpful. Kermit gaining diplomacy was nice.
I want to reach out to both the Merlinians and Morganians. I'm curious if Blackbeard and the rest will show up again.
Of all the options to send the Declaration of Independence back, I think Russ is the best option.
Letting Russ return the DoI seems like it would help us the most. Contacts with CAIA, and options for Russ to counter malign influences in it, would be hugely beneficial. It also seems like it would do the most for the hero. This would be an unambiguous win for Russ. Helping him get out of his funk
and become a New Man. Vexing Postvillain seems like it would be good.
I am not as interested in Monogram. Lack of Agency is a fine trait to me. I'd rather not have it, but it's cool to have if you get what I mean. Attend to Anthropic Affairs is interesting though. It probably does more than a first impression would give.
Just Call Somebody seems hilarious. It doesn't benefit any hero, but it just shatters the government's perspective of us. It is entirely out of the blue.
Doing it ourself would be good for DEI and be funny, but Russ seems like it would open up more interesting plotlines.
