Marco and his away team are still hunting through Easter Island for what you hope will be an evil army but, realistically, you expect to be a small collection of various mildly useful things. Feldrake has not exactly been consistent with these things. You have looked in on Jumba's genetic research to make sure he is not mutating anything he isn't supposed to, received a report from Tobe about very socially conscious bigfoot, and confirmed with an online survey that yes, 89% of your employees are happy with a trip to Vegas this year. You are just about to figure out what you need to do next in an attempt to deal with various oncoming trains when you are brought back down to the hallway you are walking in by nearly tripping over your chief janitor.
"Goofy?" You ask, a tangle of limbs and ankles attempting desperately to maintain balance.
"Oh, hiya Doctor D!" Goofy replies cheerfully, standing up and grabbing onto his hat before it can finish falling to the ground. He appears to be fiddling with a console table pressed against the wall. When he steps back, you can see it has been topped with a small, scraggly looking christmas tree, weighted down with what appears to be an entire full-grown douglas fir's worth of ornamentation. It is standing on a white doily and surrounded by a whistling train. The tableau would be picturesque were it not for the near-mountain of ornaments, tinsel and lights weighing the little tree, which cannot be more than a foot tall, down. It droops madly, the star precariously perched on its tip falling so low that it intersects the railway, blocking the track and forcing the little choo choo to strain helplessly against it, unable to move forward. The colorful lights, slightly singed garland strands, and dozens upon dozens of ornaments almost certainly weigh more together than the tree itself does, and Goofy must have spent hours balancing them all such that they would not fall off. The little tree soldiers on, overburdened but resolute in its duty.
"What are you doing?" you ask, taking in the asynchronous festivity.
Goofy beams with overwhelming sincerity. "Why, given all the stress we've been under, I thought it would be nice ta spread some Christmas cheer ta everybody."
"It's not Christmas." You point out neutrally.
"It's Christmas In July!" Goofy replies, eyebrows raised in acknowledgement of his cleverness.
You look outside the window at the birdsong-filled spring evening. "Goofy it's barely April."
"I thought it'd be good to get an early start."
You consider that for a moment. "Fair enough."
"I only wish I coulda got a bigger tree." Goofy replies, looking at the poor over burdened thing. What few needles you can see beneath the bulbs seems yellow and sickly. "But this was the only one they had left at the lot."
You are halfway through wondering both where he found an open christmas tree lot in april and why they would remain open with only a single tree when you realize that the answer is almost certainly something to do with Toons. Agent Russ is not here, and as such you decide to err on the side of caution and not inform Goofy that he could simply find a tree to cut himself.
"I think you did good, Goofy."
"Why thank ya, Doctor D!" Goofy's face returns to joyous holiday cheer immediately. After a few moments for the next thought to work its way through his brain, Goofy blinks. "Oh, I almost fergot! Would ya like a present?"
You look. There are indeed three presents sitting under the tree.
"Oh, that's kind of you Goofy, but I'm a multi-billionaire." You reply honestly. "Huh. I am, aren't I. Weird. Anyway, I really don't need-"
"Aw c'mon Doc! I insist. After all the benefits you give your employees, you deserve a little something too. None a' this coulda ever happened if it weren't fer you."
You step towards the presents twinkling under the tree. Goofy is, as usual, hard to argue with.
What do you want for Christmas?
===
Three precious gifts lie under this tree.
What secrets they hold?
Let's look, and we'll see.
The first gift is a box, in bright christmas green
Though both darker and lighter shades can be seen.
In place of a bow, a feather of red
Is tied to the top, with a blue-and-white thread.
A sprinkle of glitter, like gold dust it gleams
Like the happiest thoughts a child holds in their dreams.
This box is a gift of hope reignited.
A moment of light in a night, so benighted.
That things, once beloved, now lost to decay
Through brav'ry and boldness, again have their day.
The second gift's shape is quite easy to see
Though wrapped up quite tight, there's one thing it can be.
A comic, or book on soft paper it is.
A story of someone, but who? Well, it's his.
The paper is dark, in purples and blacks.
It is rugged and damaged, the foil covered in cracks.
This gift is dimmer and grimmer, you see
But it still brings good tidings, though harsh they may be.
A pattern bestrides it, shaped like a bat,
Were it not for a large and quite visible hat.
This gift is quite fearful, it gives you a fright.
From the way that the ribbon goes flap in the night.
The last gift is quite large, though still shaped like a box.
It emits a soft ticking, like that of a clock's.
Though some cause for alarm, there's no reason to dread
In this box, as the rest, only good lies ahead.
The foil is designed to be green, scintillating
Aside from the base, which appears like steel plating.
On closer inspection what sparkles and gleams
Is not glitter but rather a binary stream.
This gift is a gift that will wake someone up.
Much more soon than expected, a firmware backup.
===
These gifts will all result in a net positive for the world, and some benefits down the line to you as well. There's no hidden downside to any of them, but this advantage won't translate as a mechanical benefit.
Vote:
[ ] The First Gift
[ ] The Second Gift
[ ] The Third Gift
There is a six hour moratorium on voting.
