The personal office of Flintheart Glomgold was a barren, frugal cave few people had the privilege of seeing with their own eyes. Function over form taken to its unnatural conclusion. He cared not for aesthetics and put off all but the most pressing repairs, which reflected in the dim lighting and occasional hole in the wall. The only furniture he needed was his wooden desk, his chute to the money bin, and that chair he'd had since that disaster with Launchpad. (It was still functional!) The failing wallpaper was covered over with current stock updates and maps to future endeavors. Everything else was as Scrooge had left it, give or take a few years of decay.
It was that night again. The night where American children bothered their parents and every adult on the street for candy. Free candy! He didn't approve of most holidays, but the blow was softened by the fact it wasn't a holiday where he was pressured to give his workers the day off. He had other reasons for disliking this night in particular, but this time he was prepared.
He spent hours hanging up the crosses and wolfsbane. The wolfsbane was more for discouraging werewolves, but unlike silver, the poisonous flowers came in bulk. He had set up an assembly line of priests to sanctify his drinking water, in the event one of the beasties wasn't warded off by the stench of garlic on his breath.
The automatic crossbow was a custom order. It could fire stakes like it was nobody's business. All he needed to do was aim and fire. He was quite confident in his preparedness for-
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"
Glomgold spun around.
"What the--?"
"I am the roll of toilet paper thrown over the house of peace by the teenage delinquent of villainy!"
Glomgold shook his head as he raised his automatic crossbow. "Oh, of all the times!"
"I… am… Negaduck!"
The villain paused to judge the elderly duck's reaction. "Not even a tremble?"
"How did you get past all my defenses? The Money Bin is loaded with mines and traps!"
--
Stalking out from the shadows, Negaduck readied his grappling gun to scale the building. He took one step onto Killmotor Hill and practiced his speech. He was going to do the toilet paper one this time. It'd give him a heart attack, and that would be the start.
"I am the terror that--"
Negaduck sufferered the first of many explosions as his body was assaulted by shrapnel and flung through the air. He was thrown off the property, but not deterred. Taking another step, he picked up where he left off.
"I am the terror that--"
The claymores were activated. Rather than steel balls, the directional explosive mines dispersed a shotgun spray of tiny medieval swords. Negaduck was pinned to the wall of a nearby building that was peppered with little sword indentations across its surface. Unsticking himself loose, he took a different angle.
"I am the terror--"
Automated gun turrets sprung out of the earth. Rather than state of the art machine guns, these were the more refined and classic Maxim guns. Followed by a volley of cannons. Negaduck's reactions were good, but not good enough. He suffered from more than a few holes in his hat.
"I am the--"
Water cannons flooded the hill in a wash of corrosive acid, the runoff being collected by storm drains at the bottom of the hill so Glomgold could keep reusing the same batch each time.
"I am--"
The albino acid gators surfed on the toxic fluids and jumped him en masse.
---
"...Persistence," Negaduck replied with venom in his voice. He plucked a baby alligator off his cape and flung it out the window.
"What do you want?" Glomgold asked testily.
"Honestly, it varies. Money, sometimes? Power? Usually just chaos and blood."
"No, I mean, what do you want tonight?"
"Ohhhh." Negaduck replied. "Well I was thinking of a nice duck à l'orange."
"You mean to kill me, then?"
"Well, I'm gonna torture you first, since you didn't scream when I came in, but after that? Yeah."
"Why? Ye got a whole world of victims out there ta pick from."
Negaduck took three steps forward and lifted Glomgold up by the hem of his jacket.
"You messed up my song."
"...Wha?"
"My big musical number!" Negaduck squawked. "I spent months practicing. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get mutated, murderous vegetables to rehearse?! All you had to do was finish the rhyme, but nooooooo. Now I'm gonna make sure there's a nice couplet on your tombstone."
Glomgold scowled down at the duck holding him. "Decided to come alone, then? Not bringing your Feckless Five to gang up on a poor old man?"
"Eh, it's Halloween. Wanted to let the newbies do some trick or treating." Negaduck said, throwing the old miser up against a wall. "Now then…"
Before he can start the show, Negaduck pauses. "What's with all the decorations?" he asked. "Did you really think crosses would stop me?"
"No, you idiot! They weren't for you!"
Thunder boomed in the distance as the clock struck midnight. Glomgold's office was in dire need of new light bulbs and flickered ominously for several seconds, the empty darkness being filled by the beating of devilish wings. Lighting flashed in the Duckberg sky, revealing the outlines of several more ducks in the office than were present a moment before.
When the lights came back on, they were surrounded by ducks in elegant period dress. The intruders bore ornate costumes, dapper hats, and bright, white fangs.
"Flintheart Glomgold!" a noblewoman at the center of the group shouted. "You have dealt a grave insult to the house of Count Vladstone! Your trespasses shall not be tolerated!"
"Trespasses?" Glomgold said with a sneer, pointing the crossbow their way. "You're the ones who're trespassing! Get lost before I stake ye where ye stand! How'd ye get in here?"
"Mosta your traps are out of ammo," Negaduck pointed out.
"Yes, but they're still vampires! They need to be invited in!"
---
Launchpad glanced over the small horde of duck vampires critically.
"Good evening, good fellow. We seek--"
"Wow! I didn't think Glomgold was the type to have Halloween parties! Oh well! Go ahead in. Great costumes by the way. Although the blood looks a little fake."
---
"Duck pajamas, Launchpad! Ugh, I wish I could fire him."
"Launchpad?" Negaduck asked, incredulous. Then, setting that aside, he turned back to the intruders. "Are those vampires?"
"They've been hounding me all month! Ever since I acquired a sizable plot of land in Transylvania."
The vampire ducks hissed.
"That was the manor of Drake Von Vladstone! You had no right to claim it as your own!"
"Bah! Dead people give up all their claims to their estates! With no living heirs, I'm turning the mansion into a five-star hotel and you aren't gonna do a thing about it!"
"Drake Von…" Negaduck murmured as he turned over the name in his head. Then he started throttling Glomglold even harder than he was going to before!
"YOU EVICTED DRACULA DUCK?!?!"
Glomgold struggled to reply while fighting for oxygen. "Unliving persons… don't… count in… court!"
Negaduck snarled as he tossed Glomgold onto his cheap desk. "I can't believe this! You expect me to share you with them?"
The vampire duchess glared at Negaduck, but was given pause by the manic rings of yellow and green that swirled from his sockets and radiated homicidal intent.
"Leave this place, mortal! Our business is not your own!"
Negaduck pulled out his chainsaw and gave it a rev. He showed no fear, which was more than could be said for the vampires he was threatening.
"Lady, I think you missed my introduction! The name's Negaduck! I was here first, and I'm gonna turn Glomgold into an early Thanksgiving roast before you can lay a finger on 'em!"
Glomgold crawled loose from the remains of his desk. The two parties didn't seem to notice.
"Impudent wretch!"
"Dumb broad!"
"We are hundreds of years your seniors!"
"I could tell by the wrinkles!"
While the monstrous assassins were distracted, Glomgold fired off a round of suppressive bolts and made a jump for the escape chute to his money! He landed in the tunnel and waved goodbyes to his many adversaries.
"So long, fellows! I have a date with…" He trailed off, stuck halfway into it. "IT'S JAMMED?!"
The vampires leapt into the air to try and drag Glomgold out, but Negaduck was a step faster! He held them all at bay with his chainsaw while he yanked the Richest Duck in the World free with one arm.
"Don't you replace anything around here?" he asked with a growl.
"Never!" Glomgold yelled indignantly. Then he stopped. "Wait a moment, why are ye helping me? Do you expect some sort of clemency for your many crimes against my bottom line?"
"What? You think I need people to forgive my actions? As if!"
"You dare ally yourself with an enemy of vampire kind?" the vampire pack leader said.
Negaduck pulled out a shotgun. With a shake, the shotgun expanded into multiple shotgun barrels attached to one gun. His eyes increased the intensity of their swirls as he gave his reply.
"If I had to pick between letting you kill him now or waiting to kill him later, yes." Negaduck replied casually, firing off a blast of what were either silver bullets or were just straight up evil enough to disintegrate three vampires without looking. "You ready to go, Pennybags?"
Glomgold reloaded his crossbow with the extra stakes he kept in his frock coat. Normally he wouldn't have bothered with the extravagance, but it was a holiday.
"Aye. A truce?"
The vampire ducks descended upon them. They didn't stand a chance.
"At least until sunrise."
---
Outside the Bin, the inviter hmm'd to himself.
"Gee," Launchpad said. "Those guys sure seemed upset with Glomgold."
The form of the duck pilot became wavery and translucent, whirling away into a dark cloud that resolved into a different figure entirely.
"I do hope nothing happens," the late butler Duckworth said. "Perish the thought."
