Turing Decidable
𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕗
- Location
- Belgium
- Pronouns
- He/Him
In the absence of a rating that properly expresses my desire to inflict physical harm on you, you get a Like.
Advice and Trust [NGE]
The Englanderish
Schrödinger's Kuudere Kitty Caliph(a)
- Location
- Califat de Chats
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
You will not be getting a 4000 word update tonight. Sorry.
It's only 3800 words.
With the betas now. Posting it in a few hours, possibly delayed by me going to see Star Trek Beyond at the base theater at 2000.
It's only 3800 words.
With the betas now. Posting it in a few hours, possibly delayed by me going to see Star Trek Beyond at the base theater at 2000.
Schpoonman
They call me the Bord of Lays
- Location
- United States
You ass.
- Location
- Spain
The Englanderish
Schrödinger's Kuudere Kitty Caliph(a)
- Location
- Califat de Chats
I did a thing:
Turing Decidable
𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕗
- Location
- Belgium
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Meanie. I bet cats hiss when you walk by.
- Location
- Up A Creek
Hell yeah! Now I'm writing to the beat of Queen!
...
Which means I'm not writing shit for at least an hour. Thanks, man.
WE WILL... WE WILL... WRITE YOU!
- Location
- Up A Creek
...is it wrong of me to find it funny, and a bit empathetic, that Nagisa is finding Rei just as incomprehensible as Shinji finds (or found, in this story) Asuka? Or, let's be honest, as any teenage boy finds any teenage girl?
The Englanderish
Schrödinger's Kuudere Kitty Caliph(a)
- Location
- Califat de Chats
Not in the slightest. In the absence of further information, we must give benefit of the doubt.
Last edited:
- Location
- Illinois
*dispenses hugs and nyans*
Chapter, chapter, there's gonyan be a chap-tah~
... At who? I mostly nyan.
Chapter, chapter, there's gonyan be a chap-tah~
... At who? I mostly nyan.
- Location
- Spain
WE WILL... WE WILL... WRITE YOU!
...
That's... That's...
Just have a Funny.
Turing Decidable
𝕘𝕒𝕣𝕗
- Location
- Belgium
- Pronouns
- He/Him
At Stryp. Because he's a meanie.
Schpoonman
They call me the Bord of Lays
- Location
- United States
I would agree with you if I didn't know that Kaworu is Tabris. Obviously his end circumstances are PROBABLY going to be different, but until then I'm with Rei: Kill it with fire.
- Location
- Illinois
Chapter 9.13
- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
This time the words just flowed, and 3800 of them arranged themselves nicely. Prepare for WAFF, cuddles, tears, shouting, awkwardly timed hormonal reactions, and someone savagely beating a fish.
Mission accomplished, then. Just remember Kaji and Shinji's chat on that topic.
Art!
Chapter 9.13
Everything I Do...
+++
The meeting room was as Spartan as possible, just a table, a few chairs, and MAGI terminal in the center of the table. Misato pointed Asuka to one of the seats. The Second Child silently took her place, her hair still damp from her brief shower to wash out the LCL. Misato sat opposite her, Shinji already seated on her left.
Before Misato could even say a word, the door slid open again to admit a likewise still damp First Child, fresh from her own cleanup. She'd sat in Unit-00 during Asuka's reactivation test, on Doctor Akagi's orders, as a precaution against any more berserker events. Now, she took a seat on Misato's right, giving the appearance of Asuka facing a board of her Ops Commander and fellow Pilots.
Asuka tried to make her fists unclench below the table. She could feel her fingernails nearly cutting into her palms, she was squeezing so tight. But she had to keep a solid poker face for this, no matter how much she wanted to scream and cry and run right now.
"Alright, Asuka. This debriefing is being recorded," Misato began with a subtle reminder. "I'm going to keep this as brief as possible, since the early indications are the sudden surge in your Synch Rate was due to something on Unit-02's side, possibly due to a side-effect of the repairs. So just tell us what happened from your side, at your own pace."
Asuka swallowed, trying to get control of herself. She'd have to speak slowly and carefully. If she said one word about Mama, she knew she might not be able to stop her mask from crumbling. And she'd have to talk fast. She needed to get out of here and somewhere the MAGI weren't watching before she couldn't hold it in anymore.
Suddenly, her task got easier. Under the table, out of sight of the watching cameras and unheard by the microphone, she felt a foot brush against her leg. Shinji's poker face was pretty good. No sign of what he was doing showed on his face, but the mere contact with her lover and wingmate was enough to give her the boost she needed to get through this.
She took a deep breath and began. "Well, it started normally. I could feel the systems coming online, and the startup sequence was as usual. When I tried to synch, the connection was just… sharper, clearer. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary…"
+++
None of them said a word once they packed into the back of Misato's car and began the slow ride to the surface from the Geofront. Despite the offer, no one sat in the passenger seat. Asuka was perfectly happy to be seated in the middle of the Renault's tiny backseat, comfortingly squeezed between two people she loved. Her grip on Shinji's hand was steel-hard. She hadn't blinked more than once when Rei took her left hand as well.
Soon enough, if not soon enough to Asuka's fraying composure, they reached the vehicle transport train's terminal on the surface. Misato drove them out onto the streets of Tokyo-3 and pointed them northward, heading for home. She waited until the station was well into their rear-view mirror before she spoke. "Alright, Asuka, we're clear. I swept the car for bugs this morning." She flicked a glance at the redhead in the car's mirror. "So… it worked?"
A sob burst from Asuka's mouth. She gasped for breath and clenched her friends' hands even tighter. "She's alive. My mother is alive."
Her mask of control shattered and she gave up trying to continue, her head dropping back against the seatback as tears streamed freely down her face. "Mama is alive," she gasped between sobs. "We can save her."
She could feel Shinji's arm wrap around her from her right. Holding her as she cried in public for the first time in ten years. Slightly awkwardly, Rei's joined in a moment later.
Misato just pursed her lips at the confirmation of their theories and drove a little faster. Home was needed.
+++
Asuka had won a small measure of control back by the time they reached the apartment. She refused to let go of Shinji at all once they left the car, and only reluctantly let go of Rei, and that only due to sheer physical difficulty of walking with both of them clamped to her. Once in the front door, Asuka managed to raise her head and quietly tell Misato, "Shinji and I are going to our room for a little while. I need some… time to… to…"
Misato just nodded. "Rei and I will make something for dinner. Take your time. I'll come knock in an hour if you're still… resting."
Asuka jerked one nod, then staggered towards the living room and the hall to their bedroom, Shinji still held tightly next to her. Rei stared after them, her face as blank and stiff as it had ever been, but this time with recognition that her friend was in turmoil and she did not know what to do.
She turned to Misato. "Major Katsuragi… I am… I do not know what to do. Asuka is… undone. I have never seen her… fall apart like this. Should… should we not have done this?"
Misato shook her head. "No, Rei, this was… you have no idea how much Asuka's mother means to her. Once she had the idea that her mother might be in her Eva's Core, I don't think she'd have let anything stand in the way of trying to communicate with her like she did today." Misato looked at Rei, a thought striking her. "What about you, Rei?"
Rei looked uncomfortable. "Me?"
"Your Eva. If our theory is right, it might be your mother in Unit-00. Have you ever… felt anything? Tried to talk to her? Asuka said you told her 'she is angry' after the last berserker event."
Rei looked… almost frightened. "I… I cannot talk about it. Please…" she pleaded.
Misato's eyebrows rose. She'd never seen Rei scared of something. "Alright," she eventually conceded.
+++
It took over half an hour of clinging to Shinji, weeping, and occasionally whispering 'She's alive!' before Asuka could manage anything like a stable expression. Shinji didn't say a word, just holding her while she let ten years of pain and loss pour out of her shattered mask. He knew how much of a privilege she was giving him in this, too: her, naked of all masks, walls, and defenses. Just the brave, wounded, passionate girl he'd fallen in love with. Despite the tears, he felt a little glow of warmth that she would let him be this close to her, with all her defenses crumbled, and that she trusted him to be the one to hold her while she wept.
She signaled her finally getting a grip on her emotions by squeezing him almost painfully tight. She didn't even have to say anything as inadequate as 'thank you'. She just gave him a gentle kiss and wiped the last of the tears from her eyes. "I… She answered! It was her! I... a-and we can save her!"
"Save her?"
"We can get her out! Hikari came out, so we know it's possible! And it was definitely Mama. So it's almost sure that your mother is in Unit-01!" Asuka said, an amazed smile dancing on her lips.
Shinji smiled back, but it quickly faded. "I... I want to see her too, but..."
"But what?" Asuka stared at him. "I... even with the... weirdness, aren't you still eager at the idea of having your mother back?"
He nodded a little, but his expression was still pensive. "I.. don't think it will be that easy."
"What do you....oh."
He nodded again. "My father knows perfectly well she's in there. If it was easy to get her out, he'd have done it already. There has to be a reason why not. I don't know... maybe Hikari came back out because an Eva can only hold one person? Or..." His expression got gloomier. "Maybe the Evas don't even work without a soul in them. Maybe mother had to do this, if they knew the Angels would come one day and attack."
Asuka hummed thoughtfully. "Mama... did say something about 'protecting me'. Maybe... maybe that's it. But... I... Shinji there were two voices."
His brow furrowed. "Two?"
"It started off like it was just two speakers just out of synch. Then it... separated more. They were... both Mama, but... one was the Mama I remember, loving, protective... but..." Asuka pinched her eyes shut and burrowed her face into his shoulder. "The other one... wanted me to die with her. Or for her. Or both. I... tried to talk to the good one. But... I don't know. They were both Mama! Just... wrong."
"But it was her," Shinji said. "And that means... they're not really gone. Maybe we can get them out, maybe we can't, but... just knowing they're still alive, still with us.. every time we sit in our Evas..." Shinji closed his eyes too, and almost held off a tear.
Asuka smiled sadly and pushed herself up onto her arms, dipping back down to kiss him again. "Yeah... And now we can fight even harder, knowing they're with us." She sat up, her now badly wrinkled student uniform looking the worse for wear after so long laying in bed with him. "Let's get changed into something more comfortable, and go tell the good news to Misato and Wondergirl. And then some celebratory dinner. They're alive!"
+++
Misato took a deep, slow sip of her beer before putting it back down in front of her on the dining room table. She looked like she was torn between grinning hugely for them and deep thought over the implications. "Two voices, huh? I... that doesn't sound like anything good, though."
Asuka shrugged slightly in the seat across from her. "I know. And it's worrying me more the more I look at it, but I'm still just so happy she's alive to let it get to me right now. Just knowing she's there for me to talk to next time I'm in Unit-02 is the best thing I've found in years." She looked over her shoulder at Shinji, seated next to her. "Well... almost the best thing. Love you, baka-Shinji." She leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks to you falling head-over-heels for me, we ended up here."
Shinji flushed at the praise and kiss. He still couldn't get used to the rush of feeling every time she said something like that in front of other people. "Y-you're welcome," he sputtered.
Rei looked even more torn. She'd hugged Asuka tightly after she and Shinji had emerged from their room, relief that her friend was back in control of herself warring with worry like Misato's. Rei's face had gotten flatter and flatter as Asuka explained what had truly gone on during the reactivation test. "Two voices..." she echoed quietly. "But definitely your mother..."
Asuka nodded. "That I'm 100% sure of. And she recognized me. And...ahem!" Asuka squeezed Shinji's hand. "I managed to tell her about my dear baka here, too. I think she was happy for me. She approves of him, I think."
Shinji turned redder and tried to sink into his chair.
Asuka smiled and poked him in the head with her free hand. "Look on the bright side, Shinji. Next time you're in Unit-01, you get to tell your mother about your impossibly hot and awesome girlfriend. Picture that."
While Shinji dissolved into further embarrassed goo, Asuka turned her smile on Rei. "And... you said 'she is angry', Rei? Maybe... you can talk to her, right?"
Rei looked like she wanted to cry, or hide. "I... I cannot talk about it."
Abruptly, she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. "I have to go." The First Child quickly turned and headed for the door.
The other three exchanged surprised looks. "Rei, wait, you don't have to-" Misato started.
"I have to go. I'm sorry," Rei said without looking back. She left the room at nearly a run.
+++
Finding Nagisa was not difficult. Rei knew better than to do anything visible with her AT-Field when she was anywhere she could be seen, but unfurling it just enough to look around the city and sense where that stupid fish was hiding was simple, at least enough for a direction, and she could pinpoint him easily once closer. A convenient city taxi got her to within a few hundred meters of him in one of the city's more solitary parks on the northeastern fringe.
'Isolated, as well. Good. He and I will be having words that I do not particularly want overheard.'
She quickly found him on one of the overlooks of the hillside park, staring down at the city coming to life in the sunset. She was quiet, but she was sure he could sense her approach just as easily as she could feel his presence getting closer.
His smile broadened a bit as she rapidly walked closer. "Hello, Ayanami-san. I sense this is not a chance encou-OW!"
She slapped him on the right cheek this time. The sense of balance was an extra bit of satisfaction.
Nagisa pulled himself off the fence rail he'd stumbled against. "What did I do this time?" he said with some surprise. "I have not even spoken to you since lunchtime."
"This is your fault, you… you… stupid Rainbow Trout!" Rei shouted at him. "She is crying and hurt and upset and I don't know what to do and yet she still tries to make me feel better and I just had to leave her and run away because if I don't she'll ask why I can't say anything or she'll get hurt and aaaaRRRGH!" Rei said in one long blast. She raised her hand to smack him again.
This time the Fifth Child ducked out of arm's reach. "Please slow down and explain. I do not understand." He rubbed his cheek. "And I wish to avoid being slapped."
"Asuka! She attempted communication with her mother's soul in Unit-02's Core during the reactivation test this afternoon, and succeeded! She cried! I have never seen her like this! She was… so happy, but couldn't stop crying once she began. And now she is asking me about my Evangelion, and if it is my mother in there, and I cannot even discuss it without being terrified that Commander Ikari or your masters will learn of it and kill them! She is upset and wants to help me and I cannot even explain why I don't have a mother without endangering her. And the longer I am silent the more I hate how I have to lie to them like this! Which is your fault! I was going to tell them everything about me! I was not afraid of them rejecting me, because I know they love me! But now… now I have to be silent and lie to protect them, because of you. I am now afraid of the day Asuka or Shinji ask me why I never said anything about the souls in their Evas…" Rei ran out of steam and slumped against the railing a few meters from him. "I hate you," she finished weakly.
"I am sorry. This is for their own protection. The men you call my masters have spilled a lot of blood to keep their secret, and would think nothing of erasing the Second Child if they learned she knew too much. The same for the Fourth. They would hesitate only a little even for the Third. That they know of the souls in the Cores is dangerous enough," Nagisa said gently. "People have died for knowing less."
"I know!" Rei spat at him. "I love them and it hurts to even think that I'm lying to them in silence, or of them coming to harm because of things they… they should have a right to know!" She waved her arms wildly, more animated than Nagisa had ever seen. "Asuka was crying. She never cries! Ever! That's how much knowing her mother was in her Eva meant to her! And… and now I'm scared that one day soon she or Shinji are going to ask me if I knew about their mother's, and why didn't I tell them and… and…" She looked at him with eyes that burned at him with matching pain and fear. "I cannot bear the thought they would hate me. That kind of betrayal they could not forgive."
"Did you know?" Nagisa asked quietly.
"I don't even know!" Rei shouted at him again. "Everything before I weaned myself of the drugs is a fog. I think I knew that the Commander's wife was in Unit-01 for a while, but I was so dulled and numb from the drugs I never even put the logic together that meant that was also Shinji's mother! It never even occurred to me to contemplate it, or tell him! And I knew nothing about Unit-02 even existing until it arrived here. It meant nothing to the Commander's Scenario, so he never told me about it!"
"If you didn't know, then why are you scared? I have seen you all together. They… the bond you have with them is almost as bright as the one they have with each other. Do you really think they'd abandon you, not trust you when you say you didn't know?"
"I don't kno-...wait, you can see our bonds?"
Two pairs of red eyes met. "I...yes," Nagisa said. "I do not think it's like yours, but… I can see something. AT-Fields shine to me. Your light… brightens around them. And… I truly apologize for what I said when I first arrived. I did not understand their bond." Kaworu said. "Nor yours with them. I came here… please understand, I read all about Shinji Ikari, the famous Third Child. SEELE has all of NERV's files on him. I read about someone who was unwilling to be a Pilot, but successful at it anyway. Someone who had few or no friends. Someone alone, fragile, but pure. The very essence of a Lilim heart."
Kaworu shifted, levering himself up off the railing and turning to face Rei. "But then I came here. Earlier than I thought I would. I was so happy, to finally leave the lab SEELE had raised me in, and be allowed to meet this person. Yes, it was also to obey the Call, coming closer like this, but… to meet him, someone who had come to personify everything I knew about the Lilim so perfectly."
He stepped closer, right in front of her. "But then I met him. He was everything I had read about but… so different, as well. I did not expect to see him and the Second Child together like that. I have never even read about anything like that before! They… they are… Lilim are supposed to be isolated, separate, each alone behind their AT-Field! But those two… they are nothing like that! They are… I can't even describe it! Like two halves of a dance! They're constantly reaching for each other, even when they aren't even in the same room! They bend and curl around each other like two pieces of the same fire! It is… the Lilim part of me calls out to it, aching for something like that! I… I can feel the emptiness in me where something like that might go, but… I cannot understand it!"
He put his hands on Rei's shoulders and very lightly shook her. "It is something that… I can feel part of me hungering for, even as the rest of me cannot even grasp it. She… the Second Child is… she is what makes him glow, and vice versa. I… cannot wish to harm that. Him or her, not when they each are so much an integral part of the other's happiness. It is… like the Call, it fills that emptiness inside like nothing else. I… I wish I could have something like that." He looked right at her. "Do you understand what I mean?"
His eyes widened as Rei grabbed his shirt collar in both hands and yanked him closer. "Listen to me well, you stupid fish. I had something like that. When I told them I loved them I felt better than I ever have before. They accepted me! I was not alone! I felt better just being around them! And now because of you I have to flee from them and withhold from them everything I wish to tell them! Your masters have robbed me of my greatest joy! And you even standing here threatens everything! It is fantastic that you now begin to understand why I am so ready to end you if you make any move that might threaten them! But… you will look me in the eye when I am talking to you, Rainbow Trout!"
Kaworu had looked away and sweat started heavily beading on his forehead. "I… do not know if that is a good idea…"
"Why not? I am talking to you!"
"Please understand! This body has urges and drives that I cannot control!"
Rei's eyes narrowed. "I am well aware of the compulsion the Call exerts on you, Tabris. That is no excuse. You bear that every moment and manage to look at me other times. Do so now."
"Not that urge! The Lilim ones!"
"....what."
"All of my will goes to suppressing the Call! I have little left for… um… stopping the others."
"Fifth Child, if you do not start making sense right now, I will bounce you off a tree again."
Kaworu swallowed heavily. ".....please do not look down."
Rei looked down.
There was a long moment of very tense silence.
"....you have got to be kidding me," Rei said tightly.
"I can't help it! It doesn't listen to me! You're being all hot and angry and alive and holding me close and it just… goes off by itself!" Nagisa almost wailed.
Rei looked at him like he'd sprouted another head. "I have slapped you, yelled at you, and I threaten to kill you in practically every conversation we have ever had, and this turns you on?" Rei's eyes started to glow. "You… stupid fish! This is just making me angrier!"
They both jumped and Rei's eyes darted downward again. "...oh come on!"
"I can't stop it! It's a rather intense feedback loop!" he said helplessly. "The Lilim parts of my mind are… making suggestions for things they want to do with you! You are unfortunately very attractive!"
Rei's eyes were small, dangerously narrowed lamps now. "I have a suggestion too, then."
"....yes?"
"DIE, STUPID FISH!"
Mission accomplished, then. Just remember Kaji and Shinji's chat on that topic.Art!
Chapter 9.13
Everything I Do...
+++
The meeting room was as Spartan as possible, just a table, a few chairs, and MAGI terminal in the center of the table. Misato pointed Asuka to one of the seats. The Second Child silently took her place, her hair still damp from her brief shower to wash out the LCL. Misato sat opposite her, Shinji already seated on her left.
Before Misato could even say a word, the door slid open again to admit a likewise still damp First Child, fresh from her own cleanup. She'd sat in Unit-00 during Asuka's reactivation test, on Doctor Akagi's orders, as a precaution against any more berserker events. Now, she took a seat on Misato's right, giving the appearance of Asuka facing a board of her Ops Commander and fellow Pilots.
Asuka tried to make her fists unclench below the table. She could feel her fingernails nearly cutting into her palms, she was squeezing so tight. But she had to keep a solid poker face for this, no matter how much she wanted to scream and cry and run right now.
"Alright, Asuka. This debriefing is being recorded," Misato began with a subtle reminder. "I'm going to keep this as brief as possible, since the early indications are the sudden surge in your Synch Rate was due to something on Unit-02's side, possibly due to a side-effect of the repairs. So just tell us what happened from your side, at your own pace."
Asuka swallowed, trying to get control of herself. She'd have to speak slowly and carefully. If she said one word about Mama, she knew she might not be able to stop her mask from crumbling. And she'd have to talk fast. She needed to get out of here and somewhere the MAGI weren't watching before she couldn't hold it in anymore.
Suddenly, her task got easier. Under the table, out of sight of the watching cameras and unheard by the microphone, she felt a foot brush against her leg. Shinji's poker face was pretty good. No sign of what he was doing showed on his face, but the mere contact with her lover and wingmate was enough to give her the boost she needed to get through this.
She took a deep breath and began. "Well, it started normally. I could feel the systems coming online, and the startup sequence was as usual. When I tried to synch, the connection was just… sharper, clearer. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary…"
+++
None of them said a word once they packed into the back of Misato's car and began the slow ride to the surface from the Geofront. Despite the offer, no one sat in the passenger seat. Asuka was perfectly happy to be seated in the middle of the Renault's tiny backseat, comfortingly squeezed between two people she loved. Her grip on Shinji's hand was steel-hard. She hadn't blinked more than once when Rei took her left hand as well.
Soon enough, if not soon enough to Asuka's fraying composure, they reached the vehicle transport train's terminal on the surface. Misato drove them out onto the streets of Tokyo-3 and pointed them northward, heading for home. She waited until the station was well into their rear-view mirror before she spoke. "Alright, Asuka, we're clear. I swept the car for bugs this morning." She flicked a glance at the redhead in the car's mirror. "So… it worked?"
A sob burst from Asuka's mouth. She gasped for breath and clenched her friends' hands even tighter. "She's alive. My mother is alive."
Her mask of control shattered and she gave up trying to continue, her head dropping back against the seatback as tears streamed freely down her face. "Mama is alive," she gasped between sobs. "We can save her."
She could feel Shinji's arm wrap around her from her right. Holding her as she cried in public for the first time in ten years. Slightly awkwardly, Rei's joined in a moment later.
Misato just pursed her lips at the confirmation of their theories and drove a little faster. Home was needed.
+++
Asuka had won a small measure of control back by the time they reached the apartment. She refused to let go of Shinji at all once they left the car, and only reluctantly let go of Rei, and that only due to sheer physical difficulty of walking with both of them clamped to her. Once in the front door, Asuka managed to raise her head and quietly tell Misato, "Shinji and I are going to our room for a little while. I need some… time to… to…"
Misato just nodded. "Rei and I will make something for dinner. Take your time. I'll come knock in an hour if you're still… resting."
Asuka jerked one nod, then staggered towards the living room and the hall to their bedroom, Shinji still held tightly next to her. Rei stared after them, her face as blank and stiff as it had ever been, but this time with recognition that her friend was in turmoil and she did not know what to do.
She turned to Misato. "Major Katsuragi… I am… I do not know what to do. Asuka is… undone. I have never seen her… fall apart like this. Should… should we not have done this?"
Misato shook her head. "No, Rei, this was… you have no idea how much Asuka's mother means to her. Once she had the idea that her mother might be in her Eva's Core, I don't think she'd have let anything stand in the way of trying to communicate with her like she did today." Misato looked at Rei, a thought striking her. "What about you, Rei?"
Rei looked uncomfortable. "Me?"
"Your Eva. If our theory is right, it might be your mother in Unit-00. Have you ever… felt anything? Tried to talk to her? Asuka said you told her 'she is angry' after the last berserker event."
Rei looked… almost frightened. "I… I cannot talk about it. Please…" she pleaded.
Misato's eyebrows rose. She'd never seen Rei scared of something. "Alright," she eventually conceded.
+++
It took over half an hour of clinging to Shinji, weeping, and occasionally whispering 'She's alive!' before Asuka could manage anything like a stable expression. Shinji didn't say a word, just holding her while she let ten years of pain and loss pour out of her shattered mask. He knew how much of a privilege she was giving him in this, too: her, naked of all masks, walls, and defenses. Just the brave, wounded, passionate girl he'd fallen in love with. Despite the tears, he felt a little glow of warmth that she would let him be this close to her, with all her defenses crumbled, and that she trusted him to be the one to hold her while she wept.
She signaled her finally getting a grip on her emotions by squeezing him almost painfully tight. She didn't even have to say anything as inadequate as 'thank you'. She just gave him a gentle kiss and wiped the last of the tears from her eyes. "I… She answered! It was her! I... a-and we can save her!"
"Save her?"
"We can get her out! Hikari came out, so we know it's possible! And it was definitely Mama. So it's almost sure that your mother is in Unit-01!" Asuka said, an amazed smile dancing on her lips.
Shinji smiled back, but it quickly faded. "I... I want to see her too, but..."
"But what?" Asuka stared at him. "I... even with the... weirdness, aren't you still eager at the idea of having your mother back?"
He nodded a little, but his expression was still pensive. "I.. don't think it will be that easy."
"What do you....oh."
He nodded again. "My father knows perfectly well she's in there. If it was easy to get her out, he'd have done it already. There has to be a reason why not. I don't know... maybe Hikari came back out because an Eva can only hold one person? Or..." His expression got gloomier. "Maybe the Evas don't even work without a soul in them. Maybe mother had to do this, if they knew the Angels would come one day and attack."
Asuka hummed thoughtfully. "Mama... did say something about 'protecting me'. Maybe... maybe that's it. But... I... Shinji there were two voices."
His brow furrowed. "Two?"
"It started off like it was just two speakers just out of synch. Then it... separated more. They were... both Mama, but... one was the Mama I remember, loving, protective... but..." Asuka pinched her eyes shut and burrowed her face into his shoulder. "The other one... wanted me to die with her. Or for her. Or both. I... tried to talk to the good one. But... I don't know. They were both Mama! Just... wrong."
"But it was her," Shinji said. "And that means... they're not really gone. Maybe we can get them out, maybe we can't, but... just knowing they're still alive, still with us.. every time we sit in our Evas..." Shinji closed his eyes too, and almost held off a tear.
Asuka smiled sadly and pushed herself up onto her arms, dipping back down to kiss him again. "Yeah... And now we can fight even harder, knowing they're with us." She sat up, her now badly wrinkled student uniform looking the worse for wear after so long laying in bed with him. "Let's get changed into something more comfortable, and go tell the good news to Misato and Wondergirl. And then some celebratory dinner. They're alive!"
+++
Misato took a deep, slow sip of her beer before putting it back down in front of her on the dining room table. She looked like she was torn between grinning hugely for them and deep thought over the implications. "Two voices, huh? I... that doesn't sound like anything good, though."
Asuka shrugged slightly in the seat across from her. "I know. And it's worrying me more the more I look at it, but I'm still just so happy she's alive to let it get to me right now. Just knowing she's there for me to talk to next time I'm in Unit-02 is the best thing I've found in years." She looked over her shoulder at Shinji, seated next to her. "Well... almost the best thing. Love you, baka-Shinji." She leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks to you falling head-over-heels for me, we ended up here."
Shinji flushed at the praise and kiss. He still couldn't get used to the rush of feeling every time she said something like that in front of other people. "Y-you're welcome," he sputtered.
Rei looked even more torn. She'd hugged Asuka tightly after she and Shinji had emerged from their room, relief that her friend was back in control of herself warring with worry like Misato's. Rei's face had gotten flatter and flatter as Asuka explained what had truly gone on during the reactivation test. "Two voices..." she echoed quietly. "But definitely your mother..."
Asuka nodded. "That I'm 100% sure of. And she recognized me. And...ahem!" Asuka squeezed Shinji's hand. "I managed to tell her about my dear baka here, too. I think she was happy for me. She approves of him, I think."
Shinji turned redder and tried to sink into his chair.
Asuka smiled and poked him in the head with her free hand. "Look on the bright side, Shinji. Next time you're in Unit-01, you get to tell your mother about your impossibly hot and awesome girlfriend. Picture that."
While Shinji dissolved into further embarrassed goo, Asuka turned her smile on Rei. "And... you said 'she is angry', Rei? Maybe... you can talk to her, right?"
Rei looked like she wanted to cry, or hide. "I... I cannot talk about it."
Abruptly, she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. "I have to go." The First Child quickly turned and headed for the door.
The other three exchanged surprised looks. "Rei, wait, you don't have to-" Misato started.
"I have to go. I'm sorry," Rei said without looking back. She left the room at nearly a run.
+++
Finding Nagisa was not difficult. Rei knew better than to do anything visible with her AT-Field when she was anywhere she could be seen, but unfurling it just enough to look around the city and sense where that stupid fish was hiding was simple, at least enough for a direction, and she could pinpoint him easily once closer. A convenient city taxi got her to within a few hundred meters of him in one of the city's more solitary parks on the northeastern fringe.
'Isolated, as well. Good. He and I will be having words that I do not particularly want overheard.'
She quickly found him on one of the overlooks of the hillside park, staring down at the city coming to life in the sunset. She was quiet, but she was sure he could sense her approach just as easily as she could feel his presence getting closer.
His smile broadened a bit as she rapidly walked closer. "Hello, Ayanami-san. I sense this is not a chance encou-OW!"
She slapped him on the right cheek this time. The sense of balance was an extra bit of satisfaction.
Nagisa pulled himself off the fence rail he'd stumbled against. "What did I do this time?" he said with some surprise. "I have not even spoken to you since lunchtime."
"This is your fault, you… you… stupid Rainbow Trout!" Rei shouted at him. "She is crying and hurt and upset and I don't know what to do and yet she still tries to make me feel better and I just had to leave her and run away because if I don't she'll ask why I can't say anything or she'll get hurt and aaaaRRRGH!" Rei said in one long blast. She raised her hand to smack him again.
This time the Fifth Child ducked out of arm's reach. "Please slow down and explain. I do not understand." He rubbed his cheek. "And I wish to avoid being slapped."
"Asuka! She attempted communication with her mother's soul in Unit-02's Core during the reactivation test this afternoon, and succeeded! She cried! I have never seen her like this! She was… so happy, but couldn't stop crying once she began. And now she is asking me about my Evangelion, and if it is my mother in there, and I cannot even discuss it without being terrified that Commander Ikari or your masters will learn of it and kill them! She is upset and wants to help me and I cannot even explain why I don't have a mother without endangering her. And the longer I am silent the more I hate how I have to lie to them like this! Which is your fault! I was going to tell them everything about me! I was not afraid of them rejecting me, because I know they love me! But now… now I have to be silent and lie to protect them, because of you. I am now afraid of the day Asuka or Shinji ask me why I never said anything about the souls in their Evas…" Rei ran out of steam and slumped against the railing a few meters from him. "I hate you," she finished weakly.
"I am sorry. This is for their own protection. The men you call my masters have spilled a lot of blood to keep their secret, and would think nothing of erasing the Second Child if they learned she knew too much. The same for the Fourth. They would hesitate only a little even for the Third. That they know of the souls in the Cores is dangerous enough," Nagisa said gently. "People have died for knowing less."
"I know!" Rei spat at him. "I love them and it hurts to even think that I'm lying to them in silence, or of them coming to harm because of things they… they should have a right to know!" She waved her arms wildly, more animated than Nagisa had ever seen. "Asuka was crying. She never cries! Ever! That's how much knowing her mother was in her Eva meant to her! And… and now I'm scared that one day soon she or Shinji are going to ask me if I knew about their mother's, and why didn't I tell them and… and…" She looked at him with eyes that burned at him with matching pain and fear. "I cannot bear the thought they would hate me. That kind of betrayal they could not forgive."
"Did you know?" Nagisa asked quietly.
"I don't even know!" Rei shouted at him again. "Everything before I weaned myself of the drugs is a fog. I think I knew that the Commander's wife was in Unit-01 for a while, but I was so dulled and numb from the drugs I never even put the logic together that meant that was also Shinji's mother! It never even occurred to me to contemplate it, or tell him! And I knew nothing about Unit-02 even existing until it arrived here. It meant nothing to the Commander's Scenario, so he never told me about it!"
"If you didn't know, then why are you scared? I have seen you all together. They… the bond you have with them is almost as bright as the one they have with each other. Do you really think they'd abandon you, not trust you when you say you didn't know?"
"I don't kno-...wait, you can see our bonds?"
Two pairs of red eyes met. "I...yes," Nagisa said. "I do not think it's like yours, but… I can see something. AT-Fields shine to me. Your light… brightens around them. And… I truly apologize for what I said when I first arrived. I did not understand their bond." Kaworu said. "Nor yours with them. I came here… please understand, I read all about Shinji Ikari, the famous Third Child. SEELE has all of NERV's files on him. I read about someone who was unwilling to be a Pilot, but successful at it anyway. Someone who had few or no friends. Someone alone, fragile, but pure. The very essence of a Lilim heart."
Kaworu shifted, levering himself up off the railing and turning to face Rei. "But then I came here. Earlier than I thought I would. I was so happy, to finally leave the lab SEELE had raised me in, and be allowed to meet this person. Yes, it was also to obey the Call, coming closer like this, but… to meet him, someone who had come to personify everything I knew about the Lilim so perfectly."
He stepped closer, right in front of her. "But then I met him. He was everything I had read about but… so different, as well. I did not expect to see him and the Second Child together like that. I have never even read about anything like that before! They… they are… Lilim are supposed to be isolated, separate, each alone behind their AT-Field! But those two… they are nothing like that! They are… I can't even describe it! Like two halves of a dance! They're constantly reaching for each other, even when they aren't even in the same room! They bend and curl around each other like two pieces of the same fire! It is… the Lilim part of me calls out to it, aching for something like that! I… I can feel the emptiness in me where something like that might go, but… I cannot understand it!"
He put his hands on Rei's shoulders and very lightly shook her. "It is something that… I can feel part of me hungering for, even as the rest of me cannot even grasp it. She… the Second Child is… she is what makes him glow, and vice versa. I… cannot wish to harm that. Him or her, not when they each are so much an integral part of the other's happiness. It is… like the Call, it fills that emptiness inside like nothing else. I… I wish I could have something like that." He looked right at her. "Do you understand what I mean?"
His eyes widened as Rei grabbed his shirt collar in both hands and yanked him closer. "Listen to me well, you stupid fish. I had something like that. When I told them I loved them I felt better than I ever have before. They accepted me! I was not alone! I felt better just being around them! And now because of you I have to flee from them and withhold from them everything I wish to tell them! Your masters have robbed me of my greatest joy! And you even standing here threatens everything! It is fantastic that you now begin to understand why I am so ready to end you if you make any move that might threaten them! But… you will look me in the eye when I am talking to you, Rainbow Trout!"
Kaworu had looked away and sweat started heavily beading on his forehead. "I… do not know if that is a good idea…"
"Why not? I am talking to you!"
"Please understand! This body has urges and drives that I cannot control!"
Rei's eyes narrowed. "I am well aware of the compulsion the Call exerts on you, Tabris. That is no excuse. You bear that every moment and manage to look at me other times. Do so now."
"Not that urge! The Lilim ones!"
"....what."
"All of my will goes to suppressing the Call! I have little left for… um… stopping the others."
"Fifth Child, if you do not start making sense right now, I will bounce you off a tree again."
Kaworu swallowed heavily. ".....please do not look down."
Rei looked down.
There was a long moment of very tense silence.
"....you have got to be kidding me," Rei said tightly.
"I can't help it! It doesn't listen to me! You're being all hot and angry and alive and holding me close and it just… goes off by itself!" Nagisa almost wailed.
Rei looked at him like he'd sprouted another head. "I have slapped you, yelled at you, and I threaten to kill you in practically every conversation we have ever had, and this turns you on?" Rei's eyes started to glow. "You… stupid fish! This is just making me angrier!"
They both jumped and Rei's eyes darted downward again. "...oh come on!"
"I can't stop it! It's a rather intense feedback loop!" he said helplessly. "The Lilim parts of my mind are… making suggestions for things they want to do with you! You are unfortunately very attractive!"
Rei's eyes were small, dangerously narrowed lamps now. "I have a suggestion too, then."
"....yes?"
"DIE, STUPID FISH!"
Rajvik_wolfboy
Wolf amongst the stars.
- Location
- Florida
YES! I love it
Knightfall
Nui lover and Slaaneshi
- Location
- New York, New York
Kaworu is a masochist.
My life is complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Location
- Canada
The Tsun is strong with this one.
I suspect she gets it from her mother.
I suspect she gets it from her mother.
The Englanderish
Schrödinger's Kuudere Kitty Caliph(a)
- Location
- Califat de Chats
Missed a speech mark.
Yui: "Cute. Gendo's hotter."
Rei: "You're gushing..."
Kaworu: "I do not gush."
Rei, have you met Asuka and Shinji?
Knightfall
Nui lover and Slaaneshi
- Location
- New York, New York
And Kaworu is the new Shinji.
Kind of a downgrade from making Shinji question his sexuality or killing kittens.
Kind of a downgrade from making Shinji question his sexuality or killing kittens.
The Englanderish
Schrödinger's Kuudere Kitty Caliph(a)
- Location
- Califat de Chats
By what measure is not killing kittens a 'downgrade'?
Knightfall
Nui lover and Slaaneshi
- Location
- New York, New York
I have no idea.
Zedman7054
Eternally 3rd
- Location
- United States
OT4! OT4! OT4! OT4!
You are closer than you know, Shinji.
Ahahahahaha. *starts crying from laughter*
I'd never thought I would say this, but poor Kaworu.
Fantastic update!