Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

"Gooood morning, Gaku!" Hazō said, striding through the door with an insufferable grin and plopping into his chair. He dropped his feet up on the desk, crossed at the ankle, and took a drink from the mug of spiced tea he had brought with him.

"You seem cheery this afternoon, sir," Gaku noted, the faintest hint of dryness in his tone surely having no resemblance to criticism of his lord's sandals on the desk, or the fact that his lord was wrong about which part of the day it was.

"I am! I am indeed. Things are finally starting to break our way." He gestured widely with his mug. "Sunny days are here again, Gaku. Potential abounds, the future is brightening by the moment."

"Oh?"

"Indeed!" He knocked the rest of the mug back, then set it on the desk and slid it away. "Gaku, what would you say is the most important project we have going?"

"Saving the world from the Dragons, sir?"

"Okay, that's fair, but no. Try again."

"Ensuring that your relationships with Lady Akane and Lady Yamanaka do not explode, thereby causing massive drama within the clan and potentially a clan war with the largest power bloc in Leaf?"

"Don't be snide and no, not that one."

"Ensuring that the pig-faced, tiny-brained jackanapes who rules the Hagoromo clan ends up burning forever in a pit of torment?"

"First, dark. Second, very dark for you. Third, no. Try again."

"I give up, sir."

"Necromancy, Gaku! Necromancy! We're going to bring Jiraiya back! C'mon, you know this."

"Yes sir. I can see how resurrecting one of the greatest heroes of the Leaf and our clan's founder would indeed be a priority."

"Tell me about it. Once he's back I can dump all this paperwork on him and actually have some fun."

"Yes sir. I take it there has been progress?"

"There has indeed, indeediest deed."

"Would this have anything to do with Lord Kagome's return, sir?"

"Once again: indeediest deed! He got back from that rift to the afterlife which we are going to reinflate so that we can haul Jiraiya out of there. He took measurements while he was there and he's confident that our idea is going to work! The basic design for our rift reinflation seal is solid and he's confident we can make it work."

"I seem to recall you saying that it would need to be used from both sides of the rift simultaneously, sir."

Hazō waved dismissively. "Don't harsh my buzz, Gaku."

"Apologies, sir."

"Sure, there are some minor details to work out—"

"Such as how to get the seal into the afterlife for use on the other side of the rift without dying or already having a rift to the afterlife? Noting that the afterlife apparently drains chakra from seals?"

"Didn't I just say don't harsh my buzz?"

"Apologies, sir."

"Anyway, up until now we weren't certain that it would work. We were pretty sure we were, but now we are. Minato's seals are the key, you see."

Gaku frowned for a moment, then nodded in recollection. "That chain of seals you found that teaches how to draw Lord Naruto's jinchūriki seal."

"Exactly! Kagome-sensei has already done the first two in the chain. They make invisible chakra constructs that puff away after a few seconds without doing anything."

"Without doing anything, sir?" There was an entire paragraph of implication coded into that seemingly neutral question.

"No, turning those trees purple wasn't the intent of the seal. It was an issue with one of the prototypes."

"Of course, sir. I mention it only because the trees have been spontaneously lighting themselves on fire and then equally spontaneously extinguishing themselves every few days since Lord Kagome did that work."

"Yes, well, it'll make a good tourist attraction. Anyway, we're now confident that we can make this thing. Sensei wants to grind through three or four more of Minato's seals in order to get more experience with this stuff and then we can start on the actual rift inflation seal itself. I'm starting on the seal chain myself and it is making sense! It is the coolest stuff ever, and I get it!"

"I am pleased to hear it, sir."

"Seriously, the Fourth was a flipping genius! He balanced a third chord intersection on a binodal interferon! And this is the first seal in the chain. Gah, I can't believe I never thought of it myself. I mean, no one ever would just working with them, it's insane. But the Fourth literally invented new mathemagical notation and manipulation rules and you can prove the construction within his system. Plus, we're going to be able to use this system to explore other potential seal elements. It's incredible."

"This is responsible for your good mood, sir?"

"No, that's just part of it! I got that math stuff figured out last night and then this morning I went to Bear Territory and visited Mareo. He's the Bear Summoner—I've mentioned him, right? Crazy old coot, never remembers my name?"

"I believe you have mentioned him once or twice, yes sir. Did you remember to take him that copy of Icha Icha Purity: Stolen Heart?"

"I did, and he loved it! Loved it enough to share some of his nodopanchi with me! Amazing stuff. It's made from berries and spring water and some herbs. Very sweet, a little bubbly."

"Are the berries perhaps a bit of a stimulant, sir?"

"Oh, pish tosh, Gaku! Stop being such a stick in the mud!"

"Of course, sir."

"And take that moth off your shoulder, it's distracting."

Gaku looked at his shoulder in confusion, then checked the other one. "Moth, sir?"

"Yeah! The moth! Ooh, or is it a bunny?" Hazō's speech was slowing down, becoming more thoughtful. "Is it soft? It looks soft. Bring the bunny over here, I wanna pet the bunny."

"Sir, there is neither a moth nor a bunny nor anything else on my shoulders."

Hazō snorted indignantly. "Hah! S'right there." He pointed accusingly, but his arm dropped back to his lap after a moment. "Plain s'day. Ver' cute. Looks sofff..." His eyes drifted closed, his chin drooped to his chest, and within moment he was snoring softly.

Gaku watched in bemusement, then stood up. He retrieved a blanket from the arm of the sofa, draped it loosely over his lord, and crept quietly from the room.


Mari raised an eyebrow as she entered the family room and saw Noburi and Yuno jump apart from each other on the couch where they'd been cuddling. Hazō and Akane separated a little more slowly on the opposite loveseat.

"Am I interrupting something?" Mari said with a sly smile. "Now, far be it from me to judge, given some of the things I've done in my youth, but I'd have thought you'd be more scared of orgies after the Anko incident. Still, if you're going to go through with it, you might want guidance from an expert. First-"

"Aaand that's enough, Mari, thanks for coming," Hazō said, standing up and brushing invisible dirt off the front of his shirt. He stood at the front of the room and gestured to his assembled clan-mates. "Now, you're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here."

"Is it not because of these scrolls?" Yuno said, gesturing to the four scrolls placed prominently on the low coffee table, each with the Tower's seal neatly arranged to face outward. "There are four of them and four of us."

Hazō sighed. "Yes, that's right. I was just trying to be dramatic." He handed out the scrolls. "Here, take a look."

One by one, the four ninja opened their scrolls and read them with dawning expressions of shock and surprise. Yuno was the first to speak.

"They want me to take a team of genin students?"

Hazō nodded. "Asuma says that with the senior ninja forces as depleted as they are, and a reduced need for missions in peacetime, almost all jōnin are being assigned genin teams. If you have a really strong reason, he'll let you out of it, but it sounds like it'll basically have to be something like signing up for ANBU. As for you two," he said, facing Akane and Noburi, "Chūnin don't necessarily have to do it, but are strongly encouraged to. There's still not enough mentorship capacity to go around, and the clans would be pissed off if their new genin got shoved into the general genin corps."

"I am unsure if they would want someone like me, who has never trained in Leaf's combat arts, teaching their children," Yuno said.

"They definitely want you," Hazō said. "All of you got special requests, and I suspect that Asuma will tailor teams to you all. It's ultimately up to you, of course, but I think it's a good decision. It gets us more integrated into Leaf's cultural fabric, which is always important." He read the uncertainty on all four of his clanmates' faces, and waved a hand. "Take the scroll and think about it. Tell me what you decide within the week though, so I can get the Tower to assign you strong teams if you accept."

---

Author's Note: This update covered eight days.

@Velorien will be writing chapter 559, which will drop before Tuesday and will cover the conversation with Ruri the Condor Summoner. This is a bonus update and will not alter the standard voting or publication schedules.

Things that were in the plan and happened offscreen:

• Buy adoption tickets to adopt the ninja living on the Gōketsu estate: No other clan is selling tickets right now, so you went to the KEI to create one for you. They said they are having some trouble with their production process for the physical tickets and they will get back to you as soon as it's sorted out.
• Buy an adoption ticket in order to adopt Honoka and her family: They were surprised that you wanted to adopt a clanless Academy student and said they would need to discuss how that should work and they would get back to you.
• Adopt Honoka's family: You cannot legally adopt her parents without adopting her.

Sealing research happened:

Hazō (Calligraphy): 29 + 3 (Iron Nerve) + 14 (prep days) - 6 = 40
Hazō (Sealing): 62 + 14 (prep days) + 7 (invoke "Promising Sealing Student) - 9 = 74
Hazō spends a FP to reroll!
Hazō (Sealing): 62 + 14 (prep days) + 7 (invoke "Promising Sealing Student) + 3 = 86

Hazō has spent 2 FP.

Hazō has made substantial progress on the first seal in the Minato chain! He thinks he's well over halfway done, and thinks he could finish in two more cycles, maybe even one if he's lucky.


XP AWARD: 40

Brevity XP: 8

"GM had fun" XP: 3

• +1 for the Gaku scene
• +1 for the second scene, because it's fun and it's going to lead to funny things, and it was written by the talented @Paperclipped so I didn't have to put any effort in but I still get to enjoy the ensuing hijinks
• +1 because [redacted]

It is now about 8pm.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, Nov 23, 2022 at 7:00 AM .