"Ok, are the P-values ready?" little known inventor and children's entertainment star Wendy 'Wower' asked, looking up from sheaves of data.
"Yes, I just finished." Trevor Trengrove, father of modern AI, said. "The most replicable variable appears to be-"
"Time." Wendy said, looking over the data with interest. "Compared to the control, experimental groups displayed increased processing speed, reduced need for operator involvement, and most notably, significantly higher performance in adapting to edge cases not perfectly matching their core programming. All it took was… experience."
"So robots what, grow up?" Trengrove asked skeptically.
"It's not that far-fetched." Wendy replied, beginning to pace and leaving Trevor following along in her wake. "Modern AI has a lot to do with the human brain, I de-" Wendy cut herself off. "I mean… Funtelligence designed them that way."
"I…" Trevor began, but Wendy cut him off before he could continue.
"They're self-learning, even if they're not as good at it as Omnidroids are. It seems like the longer they exist and the more stimuli they're exposed to, the better they get."
"Like… like time to ferment." Trengrove said slowly, long-ago memories of banjos and overalls bubbling to the surface.
"Yes, yes exactly!" Wendy cheered, moment of malaise forgotten. "That's brilliant Trevor, that's exactly what I mean."
"Y-yeah." Trengrove said. "I'm brilliant. Came up with it… just now, hah! So uh… have we cracked it?"
"We've cracked something." Wendy replied. "There's a lot we still don't understand, not least why physical robots somehow develop far faster than the same system in a virtual machine. There's room for a lot more research. The reason this was so hard to manage was the sheer number of other variables we needed to control for. There's a lot that still isn't explained. Especially with the most impressive cases…"
---
"I am fully capable of applying my functions to novel stimuli. You would be surprised how useful psychological training is when plotting bank robberies!" Technor declared.
---
"Hello! I am Norm!"
"Hi Norm!" Wendy replied cheerfully. "I'm trying to learn more about how robots work. How would you feel about playing kickball with me?"
"Boy howdy would I!" Norm said happily. His leg immediately popped off, rocketing across the room on jet boosters and slamming into the ball still held in Wendy's hand. The ball crashed into the wall and burst on contact, leaving rubber scraps embedded within the indentation the foot had left.
"...Oops." Wendy said.
"I'm bad at this!" Norm said, lowering his cheerfulness to an unheard of 8/10 on the scale.
---
"...let's just say age alone doesn't explain discrepancies."
"Even so, this is a breakthrough!" Trengove crowed. "I don't even have to do anything to make my robots better besides breaking them in a bit before shipping! Two months in a mock factory and I can turn any robot I want into a 'premium' model, they'll pay out the nose for it!"
"That's… great." Wendy said after a moment. "I'm… happy for you."
"Oh, um." Trengrove rubbed the back of his neck. "Of course, DEI will receive their share of the profits, in keeping with our agreements…"
"Right. Right." Wendy said. "I uh… I should get going."
"Of course, of course, busy woman, I'm sure. Lots of… children's shows to do." Trengrove paused for a moment, and then visibly winced. "I…"
"It was… nice to work with you again Trevor." Wendy said. "I'm sure Doofenshmirtz would approve of more collaborations."
"I… uh… yeah. Yeah." Trengrove stuttered. "I'll… see you around."
Trengrove's smile was not very convincing. But at least it lasted until she was out the door and the lights were off.
---
"Why?!?" Trengrove screamed, slamming himself down onto the lab counter. Discarded wires and servos rattled. "I don't understand! She should hate me! I took everything from her! Why doesn't she…"
Trengrove took a few uneasy breaths, head cradled in his hands.
"You can't keep doing this, Trengrove." He said to himself. "Every year I make more enemies. More people who know what I've done. More people who'd love my head on a pike. The lies! So many lies! One day this whole tower is going to collapse and then…"
Trengrove attempted to blink away whatever he was seeing. A few small, black specks scuttled at the edge of his vision. A strange skittering filled Trengrove's ears.
"I should just go." Trengrove said. "Face the music, end this farce. Before…"
The black spots were not going away. In fact, there seemed to be more of them. A trail of dark, glistening material leading to…
"Am I interrupting something?"
The figure was simply there. Thousands of long black strands crossed one half of the room, twisting together into a small pillar on which there was a man. Black melded into black. The figure, the metal, the shadows of the room… one would be hard pressed to say where one ended and the others began. The only spot of color was the mask, pure white, lines of bright red across its brow and cheeks.
"Aa-! Oh. It's you." Trengrove said, sounding not at all relieved.
"A crisis of faith, I take it?" The Yokai asked, a hint of synthesization occluding his voice. Slowly his black pillars carried him across the room, shifting him into a lazy spiral around the man below him.
"Ahaha, well. You know how those long nights can get, and you know, I- it's not a big deal, I'll be fine, really-"
"Just think of the good we can do, Trengrove. We can't give up now." The Yokai said grimly. "If we stopped now, all of this would be for nothing."
Trengrove gulped. "R-right you are sir. If uh… if you want to take a look at my results-"
"I already have. I'm impressed." The Yokai replied. "This new insight will be invaluable. Your artificial intelligence is very important Trengrove. We'll need more brilliant minds than even this city can produce if we're to make real change."
"We're… we're doing good?" Trengrove asked timidly.
The Yokai paused. After a moment his whole body snapped sinuously around, coming to rest directly in Trengrove's face.
"Always."
"R-right." Trengrove replied. "How uh… how are the Cogs doing good, exactly?"
"A distasteful… but necessary step." The Yokai replied with a rumbling sigh. "The algorithms needed a field test if they were ever to protect anything. Our other resources were utilizing the Triads to their fullest, and we did not then possess the opportunities we have now."
"...Opportunities?" Trengrove asked.
The Yokai studied Trengrove for a moment.
"Keep an eye on Liv, will you?" The Yokai asked.
"...What?"
"She's more upset than usual about something, even if she thinks I don't notice."
"Notice…?"
"Think about it." The Yokai lectured like a proctor at his podium. "Miss Amara is a geneticist of the highest order. For months now, the city has been plagued by monsters."
"...Right?"
"Where do you think they came from?"
"...Oh." Trengrove said after a moment.
"Full marks." The Yokai said in satisfaction. "You may soon have a better means of training your algorithms. Peacekeeper and the others using Bakaemono technology would welcome the help if it came from city hall, I'm sure. You'll engage with no more unpalatable allies. Make what agreements you want. If further sacrifice is necessary, I'll do it myself."
"I… thank you sir."
"Just keep up the good work." The Yokai said, in a tone that might have seemed indulgent, coming from someone else.
Trevor could never really be sure when the Yokai was gone. The figure simply faded into the darkness. His empty smile put up a valiant effort for several minutes until he collapsed at a table once again.
"I can't keep doing this…"
Trevor picked up his phone and scheduled a very long vacation.
---
You gain 2 Income as DEI and Funtelligence introduce new premium robotics models.
'Algorithmic Priming' upgrade unlocked for Normbots!
'Research Emergent AI' Action unlocked!
Trevor Trengrove is overwhelmed by crippling guilt! Further interaction with Funtelligence has the potential to change the situation rapidly.
Wendy Wower's current opinion of you: 5
