DoofQuest- a Disney Villains Victorious CK2-Style Quest

[X] Plan Acquire Knowledge, revised
-[X] Cookbook 5
-[X] Jo-Lan 5
-[X] Crystal Key 5

Cookbook Coin Flip: Failure!
Jo-Lan Coin Flip: Success!

The Mad Mojo Cookbook, Wailing Star, and Sword of Enlightenment have been won by David Xanatos!
The Scrolls of Jo-Lan (won on a coin flip) and the Crystal Key have been won by Heinz Doofenshmirtz et al!
The Ring of the Borgias has been won by the weird redheaded lady! The same one who keeps glaring at everyone!

You have 17 points to spend.

Encantus (Merlinian and Morganian)

"Ahhh, now this is a very special item. An Encantus!"

Magicia allows a moment of drama before carrying on. You notice several figures in the audience sitting up straighter.

"Every great sorcerer must start as an apprentice, and any sorcerer's apprentice must have this book! The Encantus is a model for that ancient line of Merlin's magicians, wizards passing down their knowledge, history, and power through generations with supernaturally instructive ability! Vital to their order, rarely let out of their sight, so few have ever seen the light of day, that…"

A gofer comes up and whispers quickly in her ear.

"...I'm being told we have one more in the back! Yes that's right folks, we have not one, but two Encantuses… Encanti? Very special spellbooks here for sale. In addition to the original is a copy that has been… some might say debased, I prefer improved, by their rival line, the Morganians! This copy is just chock full of all sorts of dark magic… and with all those pesky 'safety features' and 'gradual learning' bits torn out. Sure they may have damaged the tutoring systems a bit, but who can tell you what to learn better than yourself? I think you know which one I'd prefer, but this auction isn't about me. Let's start the bidding."

Well this seems really useful. You're gonna be honest right now, there's nothing you need more than a magic guide for dummies. The only question is: which one?

Intrigue Check: Is anyone eyeing this item?
DC 100/110/140 needed: 80+14+38+10+5+7=154
Success!

Oh yes, this seems to be a very popular one. The dignified-looking British fellow in the bowler hat looks particularly interested at the mention of the 'Merlinian' encantus, and the weird magician guy with white hair next to him gets an elbow in the ribs. Janna looks like she's about to start salivating over the thought of the Morganian volume. Owen's posture shifts just a bit too, but you're not sure about which edition.

Yáng Talisman

"The scattered remains of the Shengxiao Talismans have been the dream of magical collectors across the ages! What could they do when brought together? Combine in new and exciting ways? End the world? Or just look really good as a conversation piece? Regardless, you could be just one step closer to knowing for sure today, because we have for you the Yáng talisman. If you're not familiar with your mystical symbolism, the sheep is a representative of thought, dreams, a- wait, this is a goat. This is clearly a goat. Is this a translation issue? Is it the same word in pinyin? Oh, I don't care. The point is! This talisman, in addition to being a priceless magical artifact, grants its holder power over the mind! Project your astral form into the mindscape to travel unseen by the waking world, enter the dreams of others, and fight back against hostile possession you might otherwise be powerless against! A very useful item, assuming you have somewhere safe to count sheep."

"I would actually consider this one, Doctor." Russ says, snapping you out of an internal debate on if it might be a translation issue. "It seems exceedingly useful."

Huh, this is the first time Russ has outright suggested an item all auction. "What makes you say that?"

"Very few people understand the dangers of mental combat. There are plenty of supernaturals out there able and willing to slip in when you're not looking, and without training, the average person would be helpless."

"How do you know?"

Russ pauses, debating something internally for a moment. "Doofenshmirtz, I work for the government dealing with the strange. I was trained for things like this."

"Oh, fair enough. Hey, wait a second. Why'd they assign you to me then?"

"..."

Intrigue Check: Is anyone eyeing this item?
DC 100/110/140 needed: 34+14+38+10+5+7=108

All sorts of people around the auction are interested in the talisman. Everyone from Xanatos to the bowler hat man look at the talisman with interest, even that one weird redhead in the back row. This is going to be one of the hottest items of the night.

---

Before Magica can wheel out the next item, the auction is interrupted by the sound of screaming! You're still a little ignorant on the customs of the magical world, but some things transcend all cultural barriers. The rest of the crowd reacts to this sudden turn of events in different ways- Drake Stone and his wizard keeper look slightly put out, the redhead in the business suit looks furious, the warlock couple looks terrified… and Xanatos looks irritated.

"What the heck is happening?!" you demand. An answer comes before Xanatos can open his mouth to respond.

"It's the Huntsclan!" someone behind you screams. "Run for your lives!"

Occult Check: Do you know who the Huntsclan are?
DC 65 needed: 60+4+10+12+10=96
Success!

Janna looks... not quite concerned, but her eyes widen at least a little. "Uh, these guys are kinda the magic boogymen. They hunt magical creatures. And anyone who works with them. Or around them. Even though they make deals themselves. They're kinda hypocrites like that."

Youuuu should probably run. You're never one to ignore screamed advice from nonspecific strangers, especially when it concerns potentially lifesaving information. Ever since your training with Temujin you've grown a little more confident about your fighting ability… but you aren't even going to try to kid yourself. In a serious fight you'd probably get your teeth kicked in, and you're not willing to fully commit to fighting with your darling visigoth pumpkin sitting only a foot or two away.

You realize that you've got an ace up your sleeve in the form of the talisman, but…

Intrigue Check: Should you use the talisman?
DC 100 needed: 66+14+38+10+5+7=140
Success!

No, you shouldn't. All that's happening now is that some people are running and screaming, so the fighting hasn't even escalated. It's a good idea to keep this thing in reserve until you really need it, and furthermore, taking out an extremely rare and valuable thing in the middle of a crowd of amoral magical beings probably isn't the best idea unless you really have to.

"Come along, everyone. Let's keep things calm and orderly." Owen raises his voice slightly, staying just as professional as ever. Max and Vanessa are already making a run for it with you closely behind, but Janna seems to be glaring at the source of the disturbance instead of running for her life.

A platoon of about fifteen or twenty warriors, most of them brandishing exotic spears and stalves, are descending from the sky on personal glider craft and airborne APCs. The fact they were wearing magenta military uniforms with black pauldrons and body armor should've been comical, but they exuded a certain air of menace that made it difficult to laugh. The footsoldiers had bright red emblems on their balaclavas and belts that vaguely resembled the letter "H"; they have to be the Huntsclan everyone was running and screaming from.

The leader of the group appears to be a lithe woman with a long blonde braid whose mask made it difficult to determine her age. Twenties, if you had to guess. Her glowing green spear with lines of circuitry across it and the gruesome, reptilian skull she was wearing were good indicators that the lady meant business. You wonder who she is.

"It's Thorn! She's coming for our skins!"

Thank you, frightened mob!

Several of the goons take potshots at the crowd with their weird staff-weapons, inspiring everyone who hadn't left already to make a run for it. Even the bowler-hat wizard was making a beeline for one of the buildings off to the side, albeit with a face that made it clear he was considering turning around and showing some upstarts what for.

"Ugh! I despise interruptions!" Magica snarled, her glare promising painful death for the Huntsclan members that dared to approach the stage. The sorceress took off one of her gloves in a swift motion, ducking under the weapon that was swung at her head, reaching a finger out to make contact with the man's uniform.

The goon froze in place as his entire body turned to gold!

Wait a second. No, not his entire body. Just his clothes. You could still see the man's terrified eyes darting back and forth.

"Oh, don't be such a baby! I'm sure there'll be somebody who's more than willing to help you out of that uniform! Ehehehehaha!" Magica cackled as she made her dramatic departure, throwing down balls of powder that exploded into a puff of purple smoke!

Thorn Martial Check: 95+30+18+10+5=158
Russ and Max Martial Contest: 82+14+10+10+8+10+7=141
Narrow failure

A pair of Huntspeople(?) home in on Max, probably because he looks close enough to magical that they just want to be sure. The poor kid is forced to dance in place over the shots for a moment, until you see Agent Russ tackle him behind a chair.

"Aaaargh!" Max yells. "This was supposed to be a quiet trip! Why does this always happen to me?!?! The universe just makes me suffer forever, because it's fun-"

Max cuts himself off as another Hunter aims directly for his head.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

From your perspective, time seems to slow down. Agent Russ picks Max up and gently deposits him to the side in a single perfunctory motion. The bolt goes whizzing past.

"AAAAAAAaaaa- wh… Russ? What- how did you do that?!?"

"It was funny."

"What?!?!"

Russ adjusts his sunglasses. "Max, you're a Toon. For a Toon, the world runs on different rules than for everyone else. But they are still rules. Timing. Drama. The unexpected. Shapes and patterns, calls and responses. If you learn the rules, you can win the game. And make it look easy."

"Are you… are you telling me the reason you're suave and collected and cool all the time is because you make sure it's funny?"

"Not funny, entertaining." Russ replies immediately. "And no, don't be ridiculous. That only works for Toons."

"...is it possible to learn this power?"

Agent Russ glances back and forth. Then, quietly enough that you can't hear him, he whispers:

"Not from a screwball."

Russ ducks as another bolt flies over their heads.

"What you need is confidence. Something that can't be failed." Russ thinks for a moment. "Beginner's luck. Perfect. Here." Russ pries a hefty cobblestone out of the street, then hands it to Max.

"You see that hunter? I want you to walk right up to him, look him in the eye, and then chuck this stone as hard as you can straight up in the air. Don't think about aiming it, don't think about how hard you throw, just do exactly what comes naturally."

"What?!?!"

"Trust me."

Max looks up. He takes a deep breath and then strides forward, determination hiding fear. "Hey ugly!"

The hunter, whose face is in point of fact obscured behind a mask and skull, growls.

With a grunt of exertion, Max flings the rock upwards and in the vague direction of the hunter. It misses completely.

The man in front of Max stares for a moment, and then begins laughing. "Oh, ohoho, that- that was pathetic!"

Behind him, the rock impacts a building… and bounces. Almost ignoring gravity, it sails off into the air.

Max wilts under both the mockery and the threat of imminent death.

"What were you even trying to do? God, I almost feel sorry for you." The eyes behind the man's mask twist into the byproduct of a cruel smile as he powers up his staff. "Almost."

Above him, the rock impacts a passing Harpy, who squawks in pain. Robbed of momentum, the rock plummets back to earth.

Max flinches and closes his eyes as the green glowing electricity comes closer and closer.

"Heh heh heh. Say goodnight, freak."

"Goodnight." Russ says.

"Wha-"

The rock impacts the hunter's head at terminal velocity. The man stays upright for a moment, just long enough for the traditional stars and birdies to circle around his head. And then he collapses.

Max pops an eye open. "I… I did it?"

"You did it." Russ replies, the barest hint of a smile present on his face.

"I did it!" Max hollers, exhilaration flowing through him. "I beat him! Take that Huntsclan, take that Universe, take that Comedy!!! I am the best! I am unstoppable! I-"

Another Huntsperson sneaks up behind Max and immediately jabs him with their staff.

Max's skeleton briefly becomes visible as he flails through the air. When it ends, his body is covered in soot and his limbs are twitching.

Russ frowns. "All right. Second lesson. Unless it's dramatic? No gloating."

---

While Max is learning the finer points of Toonish karma and you are keeping yourself between Vanessa and anything that looks to be even slightly dangerous, Janna apparently decides she's not one for running.

"Any ideas Feldrake?"

"Hmm… we could… call the folks."

Feldrake leans in… no wait, he's an immobile staff, but Janna tilts him in a way that just so happens to remind you of what it would look like if he could lean in, and whispers in Janna's ear. She listens for a moment and then nods.

Janna Martial Check: 66+20+10+12+7+7+10+15(???)=147
Thorn Martial Contest: 47+30+18+10+5=110
Janna Success!

Janna isn't having any of this. With a violet flash from Feldrake's eyes, the earth begins to rumble and crack. Massive gorges open up in the earth, unleashing the noxious stench of brimstone. Dozens of fowl, skeletal monsters claw their way from below, their eye sockets alight with violet flame as they howl like the restless dead they are!

"Go, my ancestors! Tear them to shreds in the name of Lord Feldrake!" the staff intones ominously, or perhaps excitedly depending on your perspective. "Or tear them to shreds in the name of Janna. You haven't had a fearsome public debut yet, do you want this to be yours?"

Intrigue Check: Keep anyone from noticing Janna
DC 100/160 (anyone who hasn't met her yet/anyone who has met her) needed: 85+14+38+10+5+7=159
Success/Bare Failure

"Nah. Still laying low until I can pull off something dramatic."

"Fair enough. SHRED THEM IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS LORD FELDRAKE! BWA HA HA HA HA!"

Thankfully Janna was insightful enough to wear a hood today, and she doesn't feel the need to be braggadocious. With a bit of interference running from Agent Russ, it seems like the only one who's noticed the identity of this impressive spellcaster is Xanatos' manservant, who Russ catches looking out of the corner of his eye. Everyone else is unlikely to remember anything but 'Lord Feldrake'.

You watch, fascinated, as the skeletons swarm over the Huntsclan members. Some of them throw tiny balls of purple fire while others just use their brute strength to deliver blow after blow to the attackers. One picks up a stereo and smashes it through a hovercraft's windshield.

"My boombox!"

Intrigue Check: How is everyone else reacting to this?
DC 100 needed: 70+14+38+10+5+7=144
Success!
Xanatos Intrigue check: ???

One of Owen's eyebrows is raised slightly, and you get the impression that's a deliberate gesture to cue you in on something. You see Xanatos looking outwardly calm, but… underneath that, he looks furious. His brow is gently creased, his fists are clenched, and he generally looks like a deeply frustrated man trying not to let it show.

The two warlocks have already fled, and both of the redheads are watching the chaos with similar expressions of disgust, the grumpy one actively snarling but making no apparent move to join the fray. The bowler-hatted Brit, on the other hand, seems to have become invested. From the relative safety of a doorway you see him hurling some fireballs into the mob, and cajoling his inferior magician to do the same. He's aiming for the Huntsclan, but also doesn't seem to care much if other people get a bit deniably singed.

Thorn, the girl on stage, shifts through a few emotions. It's hard to tell just from her eyes, but it seems like she wasn't expecting a retaliatory strike this strong. She apparently decides to cut things short and grabs a thin wooden box off of the auction block. She gives the rest of the Huntsclan a signal to retreat, jumps on a glider, and takes off over the rooftops before the skeletal ducks can mob her.

Finally, once the attack is over, you nervously stick your head back out. Janna and a few other auction goers are congregating back at the podium.One by one, most of the significant patrons you saw before make their way back. Feldrake's skeletal ancestors are filling in the seats that the fleeing mob vacated.

"Uh… okay. So. Magic terrorists who hate magic are just a thing around here?" You ask, settling back into your seat alongside your compatriots.

A flicker of disgust passes across Xanatos' face. "Yes, sadly the Huntsclan has been plaguing the Magus Bazaar and New York at large for the several years." Xanatos replies. "Their hatred seems inexhaustible. They want nothing more than to wipe out anything nonhuman with a spark of magic, because they're inferior. Or a terrible threat. I don't know, it seems to change every week."

"Can't you just… I dunno, wipe them all our or something?"

"It's not that simple. The Huntsclan are more than a terrorist group. They're an ideology, devoted to wiping out magical creatures whenever they're able. They're organized into multiple cells, several of which have no purpose other than to build more. It's an unfortunate truth that people tend to fear what they don't understand, and it's very doubtful that mentality can be changed overnight."

"Then why keep things secret at all?! Of course they aren't going to understand them if they don't even know they exist!"

"The magical masquerade is one of necessity." Xanatos says, grim regret plastered across his face. "I know how much I could do if I could make magic public. But can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if everyone were to realize what had been hiding in plain sight for centuries on end? What had been hidden from them? The Salem Witch Trials were not an isolated incident. Across the world, the reason for other races, magical or otherwise, to hide has always been the depredations of humanity. If you know of a magic that can change human nature Doctor, I'd like to know it."

"People are smart, they'll understand! They could be taught gradually and come to accept it!" You reply defensively.

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, stupid animals, and we both know it."

Russ frowns.

Intrigue Check: DC 120/150 required
46+14+38+10+5+7=120
Exact Success

Just then, Magica returns to the stage. "Sorry about that everyone! Now that that little annoyance has been dealt with, I'm excited to move on to our last two items of the night!"

As Magica begins the next lot, Russ leans over, and speaks gently in a voice only Xanatos can hear.

"I know what you're doing."

"Oh?" Xanatos whispers back, quirking a single eyebrow.

"I don't know if you're just being opportunistic, or what, but it doesn't matter. I may agree with you, but I'm not going to let you strongarm the Doctor into this."

"Is that a hint of loyalty I detect?"

"Call it a desire not to have the rest of the country under your thumb too."

"Well then. I suppose you'll just have to find a way to convince him to keep things in check yourself. We both know what happens if you don't."

Russ glares.

???

"Ah, I'm afraid I have some bad news, everyone. I did have a rather unique item to display, but it's just been stolen. Or! That is what I would have said, had an independent buyer not paid the asking sale price at the last minute before the auction. That box was empty, so let's all take a moment to laugh at the Huntsclan's misfortune. Hahahahahaha!" Magica cackles.

"Either way though, the item will not be going up for auction."

Intrigue Check: Do you know what's happening here?
DC 170
Doofenshmirtz Intrigue Check: 9+14+38+10+5+7=83
Critical Failure!

Xanatos Intrigue Check: 92+72+45-20(???)+30(forewarned)+11=230
Xanatos success!

From the way Xanatos looks out over the auctiongoers and then narrows in on one person in particular… he must have just snagged some really cool item right out from under someone else! You feel a little sad you never got to bid on whatever it was, but you can appreciate a good bit of pettiness.

"Nicely done." You whisper to Xanatos, who responds with a look you can't quite parse.

Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy

"Ehehehehahahaha!" Magica cackles wildly. "Oh, it's time for my very favorite item! I wanted to end things with a bang. I won't lie to you folks, I had a little peek in this one myself."

The assistants, trying to stay as far away as humanly possible, wheel out a thick, seemingly leather-bound book. Loosely sewn up in coils of stitches like the bands of a snake, the book is held shut by a lock wrought in a horrifyingly accurate replication of a human eye. The book gives you the heebies just from looking at it.

"Written in blood, bound in human skin, and signed by the Devil himself, don't let its subtle name fool you. The Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy is one of the darkest, vilest, most evil tracts of dark magic ever to be penned in all the ages! Recently unearthed in Salem, this tome contains countless dark secrets… and they could be yours."

"Dude." Janna says, practically salivating. "We need to get that."

"What, you want the evil secrets?" you ask.

"Secrets smecrets. Do you have any idea what I could do with the Devil's signature?"

Intrigue Check: Is anyone eyeing this item?
DC 100 needed: 17+14+38+10+5+7=91
Failure!

Eh, you're not sure. The thing creeps you out, so you figure it'd probably creep everyone else out too. Janna might already be drooling over it, but she loves creepy stuff like that so she doesn't count.

There will be a two hour moratorium on voting.

[ ] Plan
-[ ] Spend points on the Merlinian Encantus
--[ ] How much? (Opening bid of 7 points)
-[ ] Spend points on the Morganian Encantus
--[ ] How much? (Opening bid of 7 points)
-[ ] Spend points on the Yáng Talisman
--[ ] How much? (Opening bid of 7 points)
-[ ] Spend points on the Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy
--[ ] How much? (Opening bid of 7 points)