You're scared.
You can admit that, at least to yourself, as you watch Madoka walk away.
Things are changing faster than they have in years, and you don't know if you can keep up. You know Sayaka will keep Madoka safe, but letting her go still feels like a mistake. A lot of things recently have seemed like mistakes, but they've worked anyway. Not just worked, worked better than you've long since dared to dream.
This whole evening has you shaken. The discussion you had in timestop touched on so many issues... Mikuni. Miki. And friendship.
You've gone years without anyone you could call a friend. But now everyone is getting along. Even Shizuki is involved in all this. And Madoka...
She was radiant. Such a small thing, just giving some advice, but she owns it, she believes in it with such intensity, she gets so absorbed...
You could see it in her eyes, as she leaned
far-too-close to you. The same look that you once saw in the eyes of the girl who saved you, as she focused all her efforts on doing what was right. It took your breath away to see that from her again, and for a moment you were that same small girl you had been all those decades ago.
It made you ecstatic. Madoka was still here. You hadn't crushed that spirit out of her.
It made you terrified. She always puts all of herself into the work, and the world always curses her for it.
You don't think you can handle much more of this tonight. But it looks like you might have to.
Mami and Sabrina want to talk to you, again.
They're talking about how happy Madoka was, as if you hadn't seen it. Madoka would always be happy to help. That
was the issue. Your tone is flat, your expression blank.
They say she was happy to be with her friends, to hear from you, too. Of course she is. And you're trying to be there for her, in this strange new world with its strange new rules. But... the girl in the hospital was never any good at keeping friends. You aren't any better. This isn't a problem you're well suited for.
Miki, though... that gives you pause. She was always the worst. The suspicious one, the belligerent one, the one that made you learn how to hide. And now she's apparently encouraging you to open up. She
clapped you on the back a minute ago. It's a stark reminder of how much things are changing.
Mami, too. Your eyes flicker to her. She's there, right alongside Sabrina, trying to help you in her own way. She knows... not everything. But more than you've ever been able to tell her. And she's still happy, still kind. Mami learned about the Incubator, and just this once, she emerged unbroken.
Madoka has always been destroyed when she tried to help, before. It feels like you're risking it all, even if the logic is sound. She won't need to be in danger. So much has already gone right, but you're still holding out for more miracles.
Miracles.
You told Mami your story once, a long, long time ago.
You haven't done it again since. But things are changing.
Mami is different, now. Her being here, cooking food for all of you after what she learned... that's a bigger surprise than Sabrina's unlimited cleansing. You'd been utterly certain that it couldn't be done.
But more importantly...
you're different. You've tried to resist the very notion, you've pushed it away for a while now, but it's time to face facts. You, Akemi Homura, have hope.
You hold your hand out, palm up. Your voice is a whisper.
"Mami. You should know."
You pause, for just an instant. Sabrina would make it a choice.
"If you want to."
AN: Here's something I was working on during the break.
I tried to model Homura's inner voice based on
Firn's canon snippet. My thanks to the beta-readers, who caught a number of issues.
